Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2001 18:37:13 -0700 (PDT)
From: John D <zachstack@yahoo.com>
Subject: BSB Hearts Assunder Part 10: Closure

A few minutes later, the Brandon emerged from the
jewelery store breaking the salty air of the nearby
beach with his own air of devotion.

[End of Flashback]
*******************************************************

In a flurry of fingers, the search was on its way.
But it didn't take long before they got their results.

"Oh God no..."  Kevin and Brian whispered in unison as
they sat there paralized staring in disbelief at what
had popped up on the monitor in response to the search
for Brandon McGill and the address Scott had given
them.

End of Part 9
*******************************************************
**Disclaimer:This is only a work of fiction and should
not be taken in any other way.  The story does not
necessarily reflect the personal lives of the parties
involved.  This is still a PG-13 Story, so please
enjoy it.  It is almost finished now.**
*******************************************************

What do you think will happen next?  Is Scott going to
deliver?  Will Brandon still be happy to see Nick?  Or
has Brandon found a new love?  What dark revelation
did Kevin and Brian find on their search for Brandon
to evoke such a grave reaction?  What about Brandon's
newly purchased ring?  Will it finally put to rest his
raging emotions?  Or is there going to be a deeper,
graver design behind it?

Now...the end is not near...the end, is here...

Final Chapter: Closure

[Flashback]
At Nick's home...

"Nick, you can't continue this charade any longer.
You are endangering the group every time you two are
together."  Mike pleaded.  "You have had some close
calls with fans.  And if anything gets out about you
and Brandon, everything will be ruined!  Think about
the other members of the group, Nick.  Think about
Kevin, Howie, AJ, and Brian.  How will this affect
their lives if the fans find out about your
relationship with Brandon?"

"The guys are okay with it Mike.  And so were you.
What changed?"  Nick was getting past confusion and
into anger.

"Nick, I am not saying that you have to call it quits
for good.  All I am asking is that you two lay it low
for a while.  Just long enough for the rumours to die
down a bit."  Mike was starting to get desperate.
Nick's mom had made it clear to him that if he wasn't
going to do anything, she would.  "Nick, please I'm
begging you now.  I am only thinking about your own
future.  That's really what matters here."

"So you're saying my happiness does not count?  You
have no idea what you are asking me!"  Nick started to
lose his composure.  He still couldn't believe what
they were asking him to do.  "I can't lose Brandon.  I
just can't live without him, Mike.  You don't know
what you're asking me to do!"  Tears were beginning to
stream down his face.  Tears of pain and defiance.
"I-I I can't.  Not like this.  Not this way."  Nick
slumped in his chair torn between his love for Brandon
and his love for his family and his band brothers.

"Nick, you are the one that doesn't know what you are
asking.  You are asking us to risk all the lives and
careers of the Backstreet Boys, their families, and
your family."  Nick's mom interjected.  "Nick, your
younger brother looks up to you more than he does any
body else.  Lately he has started to show possible
signs of being gay.  Are you okay with that?  Your
brother will ruin his life because he thinks that it
is right.  Nick, if you won't think about anyone else.
 Think about Aaron.  Think about how everything is
going to affect his life and his career if you were
outed by the press.  It would devastate him to see you
ruined.  And it would crush me too."  She sat down on
the leather couch next to him.  "Nick, I love you, you
know that.  Everyone in the band and management loves
you too.  It would really hurt all of us to see you in
pain like this.  But I think it would be better for
everyone, including Brandon, if you two took some time
apart.  You two can still communicate.  Who ever said
anything about you not being able to call him?"

Brian entered and asked Mike and Nick's mom to please
let him have a moment to talk to Nick alone.

"Nick."  Brian said softly, wrapping his arms around
the trembling young blonde.

"Brian, I can't."  Nick's voice came out a strained
squeek of tears and sobs.  "I love him, Brian.  And I
know he loves me too.  I can't stand to be away from
him...not like this, man.  You understand...tell
them...explain to them..."  Nick broke down, burying
his face into Brian's shoulders.

"Shhh...It's alright, Nick.  It'll all be fine by
tomorrow."  Brian rubbed his friends back lovingly.

"I...I can't live alone again, Brian.  I just can't
anymore."  Nick looked up at Brian, tears streaming
down his cheeks.

"Nick, you won't be alone.  You'll have Aaron, your
mom, Kevin...the guys...Nick, you'll have me."  Brian
gazed into Nick's eyes.  He knew that Nick was now in
his hands.  "Nick, I have missed you so much these
past two months.  I thought that Leigh Ann, was the
one for me.  But the last two months, all I could
think about is you.  Night after night, I dream of the
nights when you and I used to be together.  Night
after night, I envied Brandon.  Knowing that you were
with him, instead of me, my heart cried out in pain."

Nick's vision cleared a moment to see through Brian's.
 "Brian..."  Nick was speechless.  Months ago he would
have died to have had this opportunity.  But now,
Brandon had given him everything that Brian
couldn't...until now.

"Nick, I know you feel the same way.  Please give me
another chance.  Just long enough for the rumours to
die down."  Brian pleaded with Nick, knowing the other
was just about ready to break.

"Brian...I...I can't...I love him.  But...I love you
too."  Nick's voice was drawn tight by the sudden wave
of his confused emotions.

"Nick, like your mom said, it won't be forever.  Just
long enough for the rumours to die down.  And then you
two can be back together.  I know now that I can't
fill Brandon's shoes for you anymore.  I realised that
now.  But just give it a chance.  I have seen Aaron
checking him out before.  For his sake, Nick.  For
mine.  Let it go.  Let it go...just for a while.  I
promise that I will be here for you when you need me."

"Brian...I don't know...I just don't know anymore..."

"Nick, all you have to do is do what your heart tells
you.  I know you will do the right thing.  Now I'm
going to tell your mom and Mike that you will think
about it.  But don't think too long Nick, I don't
think that I will be as strong as you on this matter."
 Brian quietly shut the door behind him.

"So?  What will he do now?"  Nick's mom whispered
worriedly.

"He will do the right thing."  Mike reassured her.  "I
know he will."

"Yeah..." Brian sighed.  "The right thing..."  For the
first time in two months of preparing for this moment,
Brian finally doubted his power over Nick.  For the
first time in two months, Brian finally doubted his
own convictions.

[End of flashback]
*******************************************************

"Guys, what's..."  Nick barged into the room.  He had
been wanting to check out the new club that had opened
recently.  "What's going on?  Leigh Ann, are you all
right?"  The mood of the room was somber.  Nick felt a
certain dread come over his heart, but he shook it
off.

"Nick...I am so so sorry..."  Leigh Ann cried and
hugged him.  "I was so sure...I was so..."  She broke
down in tears and sat back down next to Kevin.

"Nick...I don't know how to tell you this but...Kevin
and I talked to Scott earlier tonight."  Brian fished
out the note from his pocket.  "I finally found him
this morning, when you went to rest up for the
show...."

"Scott? Where is he?  Is Brandon with him?"  Nick ran
to the window to look.  He had to do something.  He
was starting to get the hint of what was going on.

"Nick, he's not out there.  He gave me this.  This is
where he wants to meet you...tomorrow morning at
10..."  Brian gently laid the note in Nick's weak
trembling fingers.

Nick opened the note gingerly.  His hands shook
violently.  His fears were waxing even now.  He didn't
even dare think what he had suspected. "No..."  Nick's
breath became a panic.  "No...no...I don't believe
you!  You're just trying to keep us apart again!
Brian you destroyed my life once already, isn't that
enough for you?!  Nick screamed his denial.  The
address, the somber tone, he knew deep in his heart
what his mind had resisted.  He knew now that he and
Brandon will never be together...

"Nick...I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry..."  Brian cried
openly trying to get Nick to even look at him.

"You know what Brian. Fuck you!  FUCK ALL OF YOU!"
Nick screamed in Brian's face and stormed out the
door, slamming the door shut behind him.

"I am so so sorry..." Brian collapsed on the floor and
wept.
*******************************************************
Nick was furious.  He had started to understand why
Brian had tried -- and succeeded -- in breaking him
and
Brandon apart a year ago.  He had forgiven him because
it had been his own fault.  His own insecurities and
desire for acceptance had caused for him to lose the
only person that he had ever felt so in love with in
his life.  His own greed and foolishness had pushed
him
into that fake abusive relationship with Manda.  It
was all his fault.  He climbed behind the wheel of his
blazer, and he knew that he needed to drive.  He
didn't know to where, but he needed to get away from
here.  Brandon is still out there, and he was going to
be damned if he was going to let anyone else ruin his
relationship again.
*******************************************************
[Flashback]

Nick cried all afternoon, knowing what he had to do.
Tonight was his and Brandon's two month aniversary.
He was so happy this morning.  Brandon had made him
breakfast in bed.  Brandon had told him he loved him
more than anything in his life.  And he knew it too.
But why is there this part of him that was doubting
everything that was ever exchanged between him and
Brandon over the last couple months?  Nick wiped his
tears away and looked into the mirror.

"Nick,"  Brandon came up behind him, wrapped his arms
around Nick's waist and kissed him in the back of the
neck. "Happy Aniversary, baby.  What's wrong?  you've
been cryin?"  Brandon kissed Nick's stray tears away.
"Enough of that now, Brandon's here."  Brandon's love
burned brightly in the room.  Nick knew what he had to
do...

"Brandon...I..."

"Wait, I got a surprise for you.  Close your eyes."
Brandon interrupted him.  "I promise it won't hurt."
Brandon cocked his head to the side and smiled warmly
at Nick.

"Brandon...I.." Despite what he was going to do now,
Nick couldn't help but do as what the man he loved had
asked.

"No peeking, now c'mon."  Brandon quickly dragged him
downstairs to the dinning room.

"Ta-da! Open your eyes!"  Brandon laughed.

Nick's heart broke when he opened his eyes.  The
kitched was once again illuminated by candlelight and
adorned with the soft velvety petals of red roses.

"Happy Anniversary, baby.  Just like our first night
to be truly together."  Brandon kissed Nick lovingly
on the lips.  His lips brushed Nick's lightly, soft as
the petals that was underneath their feet.

"I know I can't sing worth crap..hehe.. but here
anyways..." Brandon turned the stereo on gently
turning the dial on the volume.  Nick's voice
permeated through the candlelit room like the very
essence of angels.

Brandon turned back to Nick and smiled.  "I've been
wanting to ask you this for so long Nick..."  Brandon
gracefully walked over to where Nick stood.

Nick's eyes filled with tears at what he was seeing.
Even now, he knew what Brandon had planned.  But he
couldn't let it go on any longer.  "Brandon..."

"Nick, in the last two months, you've made me the
happiest man ever in this whole wide world.  Nick,"
Brandon paused and took a deep breath, his mind still
reeling with anticipation and joy and the disbelief of
the happiness that he had been given in the last few
months.  "Nick, would you do me the honor of..."

"Brandon...I can't."  Nick blurted out, tears
streaming down his face.  "I can't, Brandon.  I'm
sorry."  Nick pulled his hands out of Brandon's and
turned his back on the man on one knee.

"Nick..."  Brandon's throat bobbed wildly in his
confusion.  "Nick, I-I..."

"Go...I'm sorry.  But I can't."  Nick's voice strained
with his own tears and agony. Sharp as knives, his
next words ripped through Brandon's chest and diced up
his heart in so many pieces that not even the infinite
amount of any King's men could ever put it back
together.  "Brandon, I can't stay in this relationship
any more."

Tears pooled behind Brandon's lost brown eyes.  He
stared at Nick's back like a lost child walking alone
in the deep dark woods.  "Wha...what are you saying,
Nick..?"

"I can't continue like this anymore Brandon.  The last
two months have proven to me that I am not ready for
this. The hiding, the sneaking around...I can't live
like this anymore.  I'm sorry, Brandon.  I really am."
 Nick bowed and burried his face in his hands.

Despite the pain he felt ripping through his soul,
Brandon couldn't dare bare let Nick see him cry.
Not this way.  Not like this.  "If...if that is what
you want..."  Brandon's voice cracked with his forced
back tears.  He slowly got up and kissed Nick once
more on the neck and started to walk out of the
dinning room.  "Nick, I will always love you.  I wish
it could be..." Brandon sighed.  "I wish you the
happiness that I could never have given you Nick.
Good bye."  Brandon bowed his head once to wipe his
tears away and walked out of Nick's life forever.

[End of Flashback]
*******************************************************
Nick still remembers that night vividly in his mind's
eye.  Tears flow fresh in his eyes everytime he thinks
about that moment, when he thought that his heart
would be forever be broken: and it has been.  The
past year and a half of his beard relationship with
Mandy, has been the worst year and a half of his
entire life.  Nights he would cry himself to sleep
nostalgic of the times when Brandon used to wrap his
arms around him when he had a nightmare.  He remembers
the times when Brandon would sing him to sleep wrapped
in his strong loving arms, spooned against his body.
But that was in the past, now is the time he must face
up to the biggest mistake he ever made in his entire
life.  Now was the time to both renew and release an
old relationship.  He wished that it didn't have to
end like this, just as he wished on that night almost
more than 18 months ago.  But there was no changing
the moment.  Maybe, this was indeed what he needed, a
closure.  A closure to his past pains and sufferings.
Maybe, after today, he can have a normal life again --
if he ever did have one.

Nick took a deep breath, and wept on the steering
wheel.  He wept for hours, he wept the moon and the
stars away, he wept as the dark cloaks were withdrawn
from the sky.  He wept until the rosy fingers of dawn
came to try and comfort him.  'Maybe today, he will
have his release.' Was a message the wind seemed to
whisper as they caressed the cold metallic outershell
of Nick's broken heart.

Nick took another deep breath, and made that long
inevitable journey to the final destination of his
odyssey as fate had intended for him.
******************************************************
9:55 a.m. Sunday

Nick pulled his blazer carefully up the gravel path.
He grudgingly put on the brakes as though trying to
take out his own fraustrations on the machine.  He
carefully wiped his tears away as he locked his door
and made for the wrought iron gates. Hugging himself
all the way up through the threshold of serenity, Nick
took a deep breath and walked into the empty
sanctuary.

Nick walked up the stone path hugging himself in the
coldness of his lonely walk.  Gravel crunched
underneath his running shoes.  The sun's rays gently
lapped at grass, skin, and stone.  Leaving a
brightness every where around him, except within.
"Scott!"  Nick quietly called out to the larger man
seing him for the first time sitting haunced over on
the marble steps of the of the little chapel.  The
older man looked up through the darkened windows of
his sunglasses.

Nick accelerated his pace, his heart pumping almost
happily at the welcoming sight of Scott McGill,
Brandon's loving older brother.  "Scott, I'm so happy
to see you..." Nick extended his hand for the
handshake only to be met with the cold demeanor of the
other.

"Follow me."  The two words hit Nick like a cold front
coming from the Atlantic to sweep over Florida.

The two walked in utter silence passing rows of
unwavering green grass and the occasional lick of
blooming flowers.  Nick looked around, sighing deeply,
his feet crushed the gravel beneath his sneakers.
Butterflies flickered from one bloom to another,
filling the air with tiny colourful angels.

"Scott I..."  Nick tried to break the ackward silence
when he was interupted by the other man who finally
decided to talk.  Nick was halted in his shoes when he
saw what he thought was Brandon in the shadows.  It
was just another heavy hearted loner.

"Brandon wanted me to tell you that you were the first
and only person he ever loved with all his heart."
Scott's sudden and cold tone was like a slap in the
face.  "That night when you shattered his heart, he
had been trying to build up the nerve to propose to
you."  Scott handed Nick a small jewelry case that
contained the gold ring with the saphire embedded on
its gleaming face.  "He told me that he understood
your decision, Nick.  He came to me that night still
madly in love with you, blaming only himself for
having lost you.  I hated you then Nick.  I hated you
more than anything in the world for breaking my
brother's heart."

Tears began to form in Nick's eyes as he read the tiny
note that accompanied the ring.  He fumbled with the
ring helplessly listening to the now teary eyed and
emotional Scott. "I-I am so sorry, Scott. It wasn't my
decision, I loved..."

"Save it.  You broke his heart, but even then he
managed to convince me to forgive you because he loved
you Nick.  HE LOVED YOU!"  Scott finally stopped by
the western wall of the lot.  Scott furiously rubbed
away his tears confronting Nick for the first time
after so many nights of hating the other man.  "He
gave everything up for you Nick.  EVERYTHING!  I
wouldn't have taken you here had he not asked me to
before...before..."  Scott couldn't even continue
anymore.

"Before what Scott?"  Nick's heart began to palpitate
in his chest with a fear that had started to burn
within him since this morning.  Nick wasn't ready for
this.  He didn't believe it when Brian had tried to
warn him last night, and he wasn't going to believe it
now.  It just can't be true...it just can't be.

"When you dumped him, Brandon was convinced that it
was his own fault for being so secretive about the
relationship.  He was so sure of it.  After a week,
he came out of the closet and informed everyone about
his choice for a lifestyle."  Scott covered his eyes
and leaned against the wall with his other hand.  "My
mother never forgave him for ruining our lives after
that.  Coming out to everyone was the last straw.  She
always hated him, but this was the last embarasment
she was going to suffer from him."  Scott suddenly
turned to Nick and hurled his sunglasses away as he
stepped up to Nick's face.  His eyes were bloodshot
from his crying.  "She shot him, Nick.  She shot
Brandon because of you!"  Scott cried barely audible
beneath his own painfilled breathing and agonized
sobs.  But it was enough for Nick to hear.  "His last
words...his last words were your name, Nick."  Scott
gulped down his tears.  "Even as I held him dying in
my arms, all he could think about was his love for
you."

"Scott, I didn't know..."  Nick gasped, his knees
turning to jello from under him.

"How could you?  You never once called after you broke
his heart."  Scott turned and picked up his
sunglasses.  As the other lonely stranger made his way
back into the shadows.  "You got anything to say Nick,
say it to him.  I'd make it quick if I were you."

"Oh God..."  Nick's whole body trembled as he finally
realised why Scott had chosen that spot.  "No, no, no,
no...." Nick fell to his knees and wept beside the
cold and lonely headstone.  By the western wall of the
cemetary, Nick wept openly against the grave in the
cool shade of the willow tree.


Scott looked at Nick and sighed, "I'm sorry Nick.  But
never again..."  Scott pulled his glasses back on and
walked away from Nick with the gentle summer breeze
whispering the last words of his beloved little
brother for the very last time.

Brandon Phillip McGill
Loving Friend and Brother
He will be missed.
1981 - 1999


[**Scene fades to Backstreet Boys Song from Millenium
Album: I need you Tonight.**]

~The End~


There you have it.  The final chapter...for now at
least.  Email me all your thoughts at
Zachstack@yahoo.com, I would really like and
appreciate it to hear from y'all.  I love all sorts of
critism, good or bad.  I welcome them all.  Only makes
self improvement a lot easier eh?

~J~