Date: Wed, 16 May 2001 18:38:04 -0700 (PDT)
From: John D <zachstack@yahoo.com>
Subject: BSB HA Book 2:  Hearts in Harmony Pt 4

Previously...

[Flashback] To Lou's House many many years ago...

"P-p-promise?"  Nick swallowed his tears long enough
to look at the outline of Brian's face in the dark.

"Promise."  Brian whispered as he leaned in to kiss
Nick on his lips.

[End of flashback]
*******************************************************

"I love y'all too.  You fans have been the greatest!"
Nick wiped his tears with the back of his hands, while
one by one the other Backstreet Boys came over to hug
him.  One by one, except for Brian who was still
feeling guilty for what had happened.

After the song, they all bowed, one by one starting
with kevin down the line to Nick.  The crowd cheered
their hearts and love to the group, their voice
singing together in a collective note of love and loss
for the five boyz they have all grown to love for
these past 6 years.

End of part 3

-------------------------------------------------------
**Disclaimers:  This is a work of fiction and nothin'
else.  It is rated PG-13.  All the events of the story
are fiction and does not necessarily reflect the lives
led of the parties involved.  Enjoy**
-------------------------------------------------------

BSB HA Book 2: Hearts in Harmony 4
"A Step Back, and Two Steps Forward."

Nick Carter, now 21, sat blurry eyed in the passenger
seat of the jet black Lincoln Continental.  Tonight
had been a turning point in his life.  He couldn't
help but feel claustrophobic sitting behind his seat
belt headed for home, this time for good.

When he had walked out on stage tonight in that arena,
he knew that the transition to his new life would be
difficult.  However, the hardest part has been dealt
with already; saying goodbye to the extended family he
had practically known for the most part of his life.
He had faught back the tears that had washed over his
soul as he said farewell to all of his family, the
dancers, the band, everyone...everyone except for the
one man that had meant so much to him in his life:
his best friend Brian.

Up until these last few days, Brian had been the main
focal point of Nick's life.  Now he knew that was a
mistake.  He realised now that what he felt for Brian
was nothing more but an illusion, a dream.  A mirage
of unending sorrow and despair.  They were never meant
to be together from day one.
*******************************************************
[Flashback]

"Promise."  Brian whispered as he leaned in and kissed
Nick on his lips.

Nick's mind became a blur when Brian's soft tender
lips brushed his young bow.  He couldn't believe what
was happening, only a minute ago he was crying his
heart out afraid of being different.  But this!  This
was the most amazing thing that has ever happened to
him in his entire young life!  He was so happy that he
wasn't alone.  He wasn't going to be alone anymore.
Now with Brian in his life.

"I promise."  Brian's smile beamed down on Nick like
the rays of the sun itself.  Earlier Nick could barely
make out Brian's silhouette in the dark, but now --
now after that kiss -- everything was clear as day.

"Brian, I..."  Nick tried to lean up to Brian to
return the kiss, but the other stopped him with a
gentle finger.

"No, not yet.  Let us see how everything pans out,
kay?"  Brian kissed Nick gently on the top of his head
and got up from the bed.  "We will keep this as our
secret, just you and me.  I'll see you later."  Brian
winked at him and walked out of the room.

Nick's mind was reeling, never did he expect that any
of the other guys were...were...were like him at all.
They had all sat around checking out women dancers all
day long, but Brian...Brian was like a beacon of
warmth and comfort, he had never felt this close to
anyone at all before this.  Being the oldest of his
siblings, he had always been the strongest and the one
to turn to.  Now, now he had someone too....

[End of Flashback]
*******************************************************

The Lincoln slowly pulled up the driveway of his
private sea-front estate...

"Here we are, Nicky."  John, turned and smiled at him
-- the first time, Nick thought, that ever happened --
and got out of the car.

Nick snickered, tickled almost to death at the sudden
friendly attitude of his long time bodyguard.  Nick
carefully undid his seat belt, as he heard John pop
the trunk and unloaded his things.

"Well, I guess you won't have to put up with my antics
anymore, John."  Nick smiled waveringly not knowing
how the other was really going to react.  He had
played so many pranks on John, he wouldn't be
surprised if John did something now to finally get
back at him after all this time.

"I guess."  John winked at Nick and cocked a half
smile over the blonde's way.  "So, you want me to just
leave these here?" John motioned towards Nick's
worldly belongings.

"Oh, sorry.  Let me get the door."  Nick pulled out
his keys and hurried towards the front door while
John's surprisingly gentle laughter echoed over the
silence.  "Sorry, 'bout that."  Nick held the door
open for the tall, long haired bodyguard, who didn't
even appear to struggle under the countless bags of
Nick's belongings.

For a few minutes, the two went on in silence, walking
back and forth taking more of Nick's worldly
belongings into the house now that he wouldn't be
needing it with the Backstreet Boys.

"Well, that's that."  John slammed the trunk shut and
turned to face Nick.

Nick wasn't sure what to do, the site of John with his
huge hands in his pockets and rocking on his heels was
very, Nick almost wanted to say disturbing -- but even
that was an understatement.

John laughed warmly into the night, he finally noticed
the uneasiness of the other.  "You know, I'm really
gonna miss all your antics with the group."  John's
face sobbered a little to a gentle, almost regretful,
smile.

"Um...I'll miss you too, big guy."  Nick slapped the
other on the back, still unsure of what to do.

"Nick, I...I'm really sorry about how everything
didn't turn out too good for ya over the last couple
of years."  That line took Nick by surprise.  True,
John had known of Nick's sexual orientation, how could
he not, he was Nick's protection all those years.

"John, I...?"  Nick was more confused now of the
other's intentions.

"It's alright, kiddo."  John sighed, looked up at the
full moon.  "Must be the moon."  John said before
starting to walk back to the car's driver side.  "I
was kinda rootin' for ya both too."  John smiled this
time, Nick realized that it was neither gentle nor
regretful: it was all sadness.  For what?  He was
finally got an idea.

"John, you wanna...you wanna come in for a second?"
Nick realised now that he hadn't suffered alone
through those months of emotional hell.  Now that he
thought about it, John always seemed to have been
there whenever Nick needed someone.

John thought about it for a second, and walked back
around to where Nick was standing.

"I'm sorry, but I can't tonight."  John shrugged
helplessly.  "With the band leaving tomorrow morning
and all, you know how that goes."

"Oh...yeah."  Nick couldn't help but feel a little
crestfallen.

"But, hey, if you ever need anything I can help you
with, anything at all, why don't ya give me a ring?"
John nudged Nick in the ribs.  "Let's call it a
raincheck?"

"Sure."  That made Nick a little bit happy.  At least
he now had one friend he can talk to about the outside
world.  Now that he's no longer with the Backstreet
Boys.

John did another thing that Nick hadn't expected, not
now, not ever; John stepped up and gave Nick a strong
brotherly hug.  "Well, I better get going now, eh?"
John said putting Nick back down on the ground.  "You
take care of yourself now."  John winked again at Nick
and disappeared behind the wheel of the massive sedan.

Nick waved goodbye and moved out of the way of the
car.

"Hey Nick,"  John rolled his window down and stuck his
head out.  "Um, don't tell Burk about our little
tete-a-tete, I'll never hear the end of it!"  John
laughed and waved goodbye for the last time as he sped
out of Nick's driveway.

Nick sighed and walked back to his home alone.

"Hey, Nick!  It's Aaron.  I hope you have a great
weekend, bra.  Wish I was there with you right now,
Mike's having a seizure here now that you're gone.
hehe."  Aaron's honeyed voiced poured out of the
answering machine.  "Angel and BJ says hi.  Mom's
still surprised of your decision also.  Well, I gotta
go now.  See ya later, Nicky!"

{Click}

Nick sighed again and stomped up the stairs to his
room, at the same time removing all his clothing with
each step he took.  "Well, house, it's just you and me
now."  Nick raised his voice, spreading his arms in
surrender to the empty feeling in his heart.
*******************************************************

Nick laid in his bed, gazing blankly at the ceiling of
his room.  He counted the tiles wearily until he lost
count and had to start all over again.

Nick recounted the days since the day he first met
Brandon.  Their first encounter played over and over
again in his mind until he himself seemed to have been
transported back to 1999.

{daydream}

"Hey there."

"Go away."  Nick sobbed barely audible over his shaky
breathing.

"Aw come on, I saw what happened.  Louis ain't gonna
give you anything.  You're too young."

Wiping tears away from his eyes, Nick slowly turned to
the other man.

Much to his surprise, the voice hadn't belonged to a
man at all.  He sat staring past blurred vision at a
face of a young man who was barely even older than
Nick was himself.

"Here, drink this."  The other boy offered him a clear
water bottle.  "It'll help a bit"

Nick, desperate to be left alone, acquiesced wearily
hoping that HE would go away if he did take a drink.

"What is that?!?"  Having never really had any thing
close to alcohol to drink before, Nick spouted like a
fountain spraying the liquid everywhere.

"Peppermint schnops."  The other beamed mischievously.
"I'm Brandon, btw."

Nick turned to face the other boy, vision clearing a
bit.  "Nick."

"Hey Nick.  Well we better get out of here before Big
Louis comes back.  I already got a warning tonight."
Brandon chuckled softly.

Nick squinted trying to understand this person.  There
he sat obviously nowhere near 21, close cropped dark
hair, clear complexion, thin growing goatee, a bit
shorter than Nick, and laughing softly at a hidden
joke.

"Here he comes.  Come on let's go!"  Brandon hopped
off the bar stool and made for the door taking a
handful of peanuts with him.  "For the road!"  He
winked at Nick still smiling before bolting.

{End of day dream}

Nick smiled, that was one of the best decisions he
ever made in his life.

"Well it had better damned be."

Nick gasped at the sound of the voice.  The world spun
around him as he got up off the soft moist blades of
grass.

"Careful, you don't want to disturb the others."  That
mischievous voice once again sounded out of the
thinning mist around Nick.

'Where am I?'  Nick thought.  But when he had thought
it, Nick was forced to his knees clasping his ears
when his thoughts had come out like someone had
screamed them out loud.

"Whoa, careful what you think here, babe."  The owner
of the voice finally took shape as the mist started to
part.

"BRANDON!"  Nick gasped again, forgetting himself
totally.

Nick made Brandon out standing at the other end of a
crowded club.

"Brandon, wait!"  Nick frantically tried to make his
way to the other man.  'Wait!'  Nick squeezed through
groups of people, he apologized all the while.

Brandon hadn't seem to hear him, or was just ignoring
him.  Brandon turned and started to fight his way
through the thick crowd away from Nick.

'Brandon?'  Nick whimpered, turning this way and that,
unsure of which way to go.  He spotted Brandon again
at least fifteen paces away from him.  'Brandon.'
Nick gasped and headed after the other man.

'Brandon, don't leave me.'  Nick cried over the the
chattering of the crowd, until he finally caught up
with Brandon.  'Brandon, it's me.'  Nick pulled
Brandon back and around to face him.  'Brandon, I....'
 The other had interrupted him as a buzzer screamed
insesently in the background.

'Nick, there's something I have to tell you...'
Brandon trailed off, gazing deeply into Nick's pale
blue windows to his soul.

'yess...'  Nick leaned forward to meet the other man.

'Nick,......'  Brandon's brown eyes sparkled with his
deep devotion for Nick.  'Nick...wake up!'  Brandon
planted a big wet tongue filled kiss on Nick's
ethereal lips, he slobbered all over Nick's face in an
attempt to wake him up.

Slobbering?!  Nick opened his eyes just in time to
watch the amber gems of Brandon's eyes dissolve to the
warm questioning brown eyes of his dog.

"Alright alright, I'm awake."  Nick laughed as he
leaned up from his bed.  "I'm awake, I'm awake!"
Nick's voice was a squeal of playful agony.  Nick
turned to his bedside table and shut off his alarm.

Nick sat on the edge of his bed and sighed.  The last
2 weeks since John had dropped him off had been
different, eventless and bleak, but hey, he was free!


He sighed and thought about the dream once again.  He
wiped a stray tear away from his eye.  For 2 weeks
similar dreams have visited him.  The happy times and
days he had spent with Brandon for what seemed like an
entire lifetime away played over and over in his mind.
 His wounds were still fresh enough that the many
things he and Brandon used to do still brought pangs
of pain in his heart.  Nick sighed again and shook his
head.  He was free now.  All the pain was behind him.
If not forever, at least it was behind him for now.
Today was something new and even exciting, today Nick
was finally going to take a huge step into public
life.  Today, Nick was going to school!

"Let's see what's up for today?"  Nick leaned over to
his itinerary for the day while wrapping his silk robe
carefully around his naked body.  "Oh yeah, I got that
school thing today."  Nick turned to his dog with a
big smile on his face, "Hey Daddy's never been this
happy for school in his life!"  Nick winked at his dog
and ran over to the shower.


End of Part 4

-------------------------------------------------------
Part 4 Done and at least 6 more to go -- I hope.  Tell
me what y'all think of where I'm headed with the
story.  I hope that I didn't disappoint anyone with
this follow up to Assunder.

Anyhow, thanks for reading!  Email me don't forget.

John