Date: Wed, 21 Jun 2000 05:50:39 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mizz Pembroke <mizzpembroke@yahoo.com>
Subject: Can't Lose What You Never Had 1

*****
DISCLAIMER: All the same rules apply. If you're to young, go away, if
you don't like readying male/male erotic stories, go away, blah, blah,
blah and so on!
	This story is my first attempt at slash and is a work of fiction
and in no way implies that the boys of Westlife or Boyzone are gay or
bisexual other than Steven Gaytley who is openly gay.
	Other possible groups and singers to be added into this story as
it progresses are, N'sync, BSB, Ricky Martin, Britney Spears, Christina
Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, Bree Sharp, Tara McLain, Madonna, Cher,
Mariah Carey, and many more.
	If you like this story and want to see it continue please e-mail
me at Mizzpembroke@yahoo.com and let me know what you think.  Opinions
wanted and needed, all e-mails will be answered personally. So let me
know. Thank you and enjoy!
*****

CAN'T LOSE WHAT YOU NEVER HAD
CHAPTER ONE
Written by Mizz Pembroke
Edited by Darren LeVanelle

Dear Journal,					March 3rd
	Today was extremely exhausting.  Ronan had us in dance rehearsals
at seven this morning, then a photo shoot for the American album, vocal
practice and a show for the BBC to plug the new tour all before noon,
then more dance and voice...so on and so forth.
	Right now we just got finished with a meet and greet for
tonight's concert. Who would have thought being part of Westlife, a boy
band, was going to be so labor some. Sometimes I feel the limo is the
only time I have to write any of my thoughts down. Most of the time
that's only a ten or fifteen-minute interval before we have to get out
at the next destination and start the cycle all over...See this is just
what I was talking about! We're here already and need to get ready for
tonight's show, so I'll get back to you soon...hopefully.
							Always Nicky

	"You ready to go Nicky." Shane said as he pushed his way out of
the limo door into the waiting throng of fans that had surrounded their
hotel.
	"Yeah, sure...I guess!" Was Nicky's reply as the deafening
screams and cry's filled the limo as the door was opened for Mark to
push his way through. Reluctantly he grabbed his backpack and shoved
his diary in as he sighed heavily putting a smile on his face while he
to left the limo waving to the fans signing a few autographs along the
way.
	As they walked in to the grand entry hall of the penthouse that
they were sharing together they say Ronan Keating, Steven Gately, and
Liam Williamson, Steven's boyfriend.  "Hey, Ronan, my man. What are you
gents doing here?" Bryan asked as he entered the room and headed to the
mini-bar.  It overlooked a beautiful view of the park across the street
from their hotel.
	"Well, we thought that we would come and see the show tonight."
	"Liam and I just happen to be in London tonight and we figured
since Ronan was here with you gents on tour this week we'd drop in."
Steven said as he smiled at the five young and attractive men of
Westlife that stood in front of him as the thought of which one of
these sexy men we would want the most if he wasn't already happily
taken crossed his mind.
	"Well that's great.  Where's the rest of Boyzone?" Kian asked as
he headed to the mini-bar also.
	"Oh, you know. With their wives on a short vacation before we
have to head back into the studio to work on our next album."  Ronan
said as he sat down on one of the huge over-stuffed plush leather
couches.  "Anyway you gents should be getting ready for tonight's show.
We'll wait here for you guys to get changed then how bout we all go to
dinner before the show?"
	"That sounds great!" "Fine by me." "Food definitely." "That
works." "I'll call and make reservations." The five young boys said
almost at the same time.
	"Great, then it's settled."  Those were the first words to be
heard from Liam.
	"Do we have time to take showers?" Mark asked as he grabbed his
bags and headed to the room he and Kian shared.
	"Only if you gent's double up!" Ronan said with a smile on his
face as he looked at Steven and his expression.
	"What? We can't do that, besides Bryan, Shane, and I share a
room." Nicky said, as he thought about the three of them in a steamy
shower together.
	"Why not? Steven and the other guys and I always doubled up on
showers together." Ronan said still sitting on the couch.
	"Oh you did, did you?" Liam said pointing the question at Steven.
	"Ok, before we get into an argument Ronan and I have known each
other for years and he's my best friend.  Besides he's straight and
married. Not my type either I might add.  No offense Ro." Steven said
trying to avoid a fight.
	"I find that hard to believe...I mean look at him.  He's cute and
adorable and look at that body!!!" Liam said.  "Sorry Ronan.  Didn't
mean to embarrass you." He said as every one in the room noticed
Ronan's face turning three shades of red.
	"No, no...um not a problem." He said trying to cover up his
embarrassment. "I'm flattered!"
	"Ok, any way it's not like you gents haven't seen each other in
your birthday suits before. Hell even I've seen you all stark naked."
Steven added in, drawing the attention of Westlife and his boyfriend.
	"What?" Was the unison cry heard from every side of the room.
	"Yeah, would you like to explain that...now?" Liam said angrily.
	"Wait." He started to explain.  "It's not like I have spy cameras
or any thing like that.  I've been back stage at several of their
concerts. With all the costume changes you guys go through practically
every one back stage has seen you in the buff or near to it."
	"Now that I think about it he's right.  You all are healthy young
men and can handle doubling up on showers for one evening.  Now go.
You have thirty minutes before we have to leave." Ronan said as he
strongly ended the conversation.
	Without further topical discussion the boys left to their rooms
to get ready.

	Nicky was the first one undressed and wrapped in a towel.  Shane
and Bryan were still deciding what they were going to wear so he headed
to the bathroom and jumped in the shower.  Five minutes later both
Shane and Bryan were impatiently pounding on the door.
	Bryan opened the door and started yelling at him. "Come on
already, hurry up."
	"I just got in here. Wait your turn." Nicky bellowed back over
the spray of the shower.
	"We don't have time to wait." Shane bellowed back.
	"Well then join me, the showers big enough and has three nozzles.
Besides, Steven's right. I've seen both of you naked before, what's the
big deal."
	"What else can we do...Ro will kill us if we're late."  Bryan
said as he shucked off his towel and entered the massive walk-in shower
with Shane following right behind him.  "This is weird.  I feel like
I'm back in high school gym class."
	"I know what you mean." Shane answered Bryan's remark.
	"Why...was it customary for both of you to have monster hard-on's
in the gym showers." Nicky asked with a smile on his face as Bryan and
Shane looked at each other's enlarged dicks with embarrassment. "I mean
my hard-on is contributed to having two sexy guys in the shower with
me!" Nicky said with a grin on his lips then laughed at their
expressions.  "I'm kidding...I always get a hard-on in the shower."  He
said as he proudly displayed his own engorged cock.
	"I...um I know you've never hidden the fact that your gay
Nicky...but are you...um, are you attracted to us Nicky?" Bryan asked
as he absentmindedly ran a soapy hand over his hard-on noticing Shane
did the same.
	"Well you guys are both very cute!" Nicky responded somewhat
reluctantly.  He gazed towards his two band mates, both of them looking
over at him with desire in their eyes.  "And nicely sized too.  I
wouldn't mind blowing both of you."
	"Would you...like to Nicky?" Bryan asked softly.  While he had
initially meant it as a joke, Nicky realized this was a once in a
lifetime opportunity.  As a friend once told him 'If you ever have a
dick waving in your face attached to a cute guy suck it.  That is
unless they'd object.'  With that in mind he dropped to his knees
grabbing each of their tools in his hands. As he looked up he noticed
they both had their eyes shut.
	"Do you want me to stop?"  He asked as he took the tip of Bryan's
head in his mouth continually gliding his hand over Shane's deep purple
shaft.
	"No." They both said in unison.

	"Well?"
	"Well...we don't have time for embarrassment."
	Kian and Mark stood there in their towels.  "Lets go then."
	They jumped in the shower together all the while trying not to
look at each other. They did their business and got out.
	They got dressed in silence, both of them wearing black cargo
pants.  Mark decided on a black wife beater tank top while Kian pulled
a tight form fitting net muscle shirt on.  They grabbed their matching
silver metallic windbreaker jackets and slipped them on.
	They stood at the mirror that took up the whole counter top
length in their bathroom making last minute adjustments to their hair.
	"How do I look?" Mark asked.
	Kian took in the image standing next to him through the mirror
and responded with a smirk on his face.  "Like every teenaged girls
walking dream."
	"You too! Lets go, I'm sure Ronan is having a fit because we took
longer than a half hour." Mark said as they both headed to the bedroom
door.
	As they entered the living room area of the penthouse suit they
saw Ronan, Liam, Steven, Bryan, Nicky and Shane waiting impatiently for
them.
	"Can we go now?" Shane said harshly. He seemed edgy and nervous.
As they headed for the door Nicky told them to hold the elevator
as he ran back to his room.  Upon his return everyone looked at him
questioningly.  "What? I forgot my backpack and my journal."
	"What do you write in there all the time anyway?" Steven asked
him as the elevator doors closed.
	"Wouldn't you like to know!" he said with a smile on his face
looking up at Bryan and Shane's faces noticing the disturbed look a
crossed Shane's? 'What the hell's that look for?' He thought as the
elevator started its descent.


Dear Journal,					March 3rd
	A real quick note. Something interesting and unexpected
happened early today after I wrote in you the last time.  Shane, Bryan,
and I ended up in the shower together.  Shane's not handling it so
well.  Since we left the hotel he has been really agitated.  I should
probable talk to him tonight after the show.
							Until later, Nicky

	"So where are we going to dinner." Kian asked as the limo pulled
away from the hotel.
"Well I thought we would go to Planet Hollywood or maybe the Hard
Rock Café. So what will it be?" Ronan asked.
	After a small discussion they all decided on the Hard Rock Café.
After a short wait they were seated and ordered their meals. "So what's
new on the tour guy's?"
	"Well, we're doing a Grease montage and three new songs that Mark
and I wrote." Kian said as he took a sip of his white wine.  "And we're
covering two Boyzone songs." Nicky added.
	"Oh, really.  Which one's?" Steven asked as he lit Liam's
Cigarette.
	"A Different Beat and Fathers and Sons." Bryan answered.
	"So when does Boyzone go back into the studio to start the new
album?" Mark asked Both Ronan and Steven.
	"Yeah, Ro.  When are we going back in the studio?" Steven asked
with a wondering look.
	"At the end of this month. But we will be doing most of the
recording in Japan."
	"What.  For how long?" Liam asked with annoyance.
	"Well, for about a week. You can come along if you can promise
not to distract Stevie here."
	"I think I can manage that."
	"Oh no you can't. You distract me every minute of every day.  And
I wouldn't have it any other way." Steven said as he leaned in and gave
Liam a small kiss on the lips.
	"That is so sweet.  You guys are just too cute!" Nicky said as he
lifted his wine class to his lips looking from Shane to Bryan.
Shane got up from the table abruptly and excused himself with a
quick look of scorn directed at Nicky.
	"What's his problem? Did our kiss upset him?" Liam asked as he
looked from Steven to Ronan.
	"No I don't think that's it." Ronan said as he pointedly asked
the rest of the guys what was wrong with one questioning look.
	"I'll go talk to him." Kian said as he started to get up from the
table.
	"No, I'll go.  We had kind of a confrontation before we left the
hotel." Nicky explained with a look of apology as he headed off towards
the bar to find Shane.
	He found Shane in a dark little table in the corner of the bar
with a shot class and a bottle of Sky Vodka.  "Shane can we talk?"
	"No, go away and leave me alone!"
	"Are you sure? I'm here if you need to talk."
	"Thanks, its good to know that your there for more than just a
quickie in the shower!" Shane said sarcastically.
	"What, is that what this is about?"
	"Just leave me alone Nicky.  We'll talk later." Shane said with a
little more sincerity in his voice.
	"Ok. But please come back to the table soon." Nicky said as he
walked away concern almost making him turn back and Make Shane talk to
him.  But instead he headed to the bar and ordered a screwdriver before
he headed back to the table.
	"He should be back shortly." Nicky said as he took his seat.
	"What was that all about?" Mark asked looking at Nicky with
concern and confusion etched on his face.
	"Oh, nothing. Just a confrontation Bryan, Shane and I had in the
bedroom before we left."  Bryan gave Nicky an understanding look. They
would have to talk later.
	By the time Shane returned to the table the waiter had already
set the food down and refilled their drinks.  As the waiter passed by
Shane flagged him down and asked for a scotch and soda.  Ronan had
noticed upon Shane's return to the table that he was quite intoxicated
as it was and gave the waiter a look without words that said no.
Shane saw the waiter shying away and caught the look on Ronan's
face. "Damnit Ro, your not my father.  I think I have the right to have
a drink or two with my meal."
	"That's not the question at hand," Ronan said. "The matter at
hand is that you've had quite enough alcohol tonight as it is and you
still have a show to do."  He finished authoritatively.
	"What?" Shane said as he abruptly stood knocking his chair to the
floor.  "Fuck this, I'll be in the limo."  He walked off with no regard
to the overturned chair.
	Later as everyone was climbing into the limo Nicky sat next to
Shane. Shane all of the sudden got up and moved to the other side of
the limo. As he did he muttered 'fucking faggot' audibly enough for
everyone to hear.
	"What did you just call him?" Steven asked as he stiffened in his
seat.
	"If I'm not mistaken he just called me a faggot." Nicky said as
tears of hurt and anger began to fill his eyes.
	"Why?" Liam asked with a shocked look.
Before Nicky had a chance to respond Shane spoke up again.
	"Because that's what he is...he blew Bryan in the shower before we left
the hotel room!" Shane screamed.
	Everyone looked from Bryan's embarrassed face to Nicky and
Shane's expressions of anger. "So why should Nicky and Bryan's sex life
bother you so much?" Steven asked.
	"Because...it just does!"
	"Ok...let me get this straight," Nicky said.  "Oh, wait. That's
right I'm not straight. But since your dick was in my mouth too, what
the fuck does that make you???" Nicky screamed in Shane's direction.
The cab of the limo became silent.
	Out of nowhere Shane rushed toward Nicky and started swinging at
him. One fist connecting with Nicky's upper jaw and his right caught
him in the chest.  Before Nicky had a chance to defend himself Shane
was pulled off and flung back in his seat by Steven while Liam helped
restrain him.
	As he helped hold Shane down Liam had a look of amazement on his
face.  Ronan instructed the driver to pull over to the side of the
rode. When the car was stopped he opened the door and barked at Shane
to get out.  As Ronan followed he looked back at Steven. "Yo man, you
got your cell on you. Mine went died at the restaurant."
	"Yeah, Why?"
	"Give it to me." Ronan instructed as Steven fished it out of his
jacket pocket. "I take it Liam's cell number is programmed into the
memory?"
	"Yeah."
	"Fine, I'll call a cab for Shane and myself. Steven, I want you
to cover for me tonight at the concert.  I'll call you later on Liam's
cell." He said as he looked at Nicky and the rest of the guys. "Nicky
are you ok?"  Nicky shook his head yes.  "Good. When you get to the
arena put some ice on that cheek, tell make-up to do a really good job
covering that up and keep it quite ok."
	"Yeah, gotcha covered." Steven said as he looked at Liam.
	"Yeah, I'm sure you can...Rockie!"
	"Yup.  If I can handle him, I can handle this."
	"Kian?" Ronan looked over to the young man.  "You know Shane's
parts. Cover them tonight. I'm taking our punch happy drunk back to the
hotel and let him sleep it off."   Ronan shut the door and motioned for
the drive to go on.  He looked over at Shane sitting on the side of the
road with his hands covering his face; elbows on his knees rocking
himself in an effort to calm down.


*****
Well that's the first one.  Please tell me what you think.  I need to
know if I should continue this or not ok?  Hopefully I'll hear from you
guys soon.
*****