Date: Thu, 6 Jul 2000 02:49:39 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mizz Pembroke <mizzpembroke@yahoo.com>
Subject: Can't Lose What You Never Had 2

*****
DISCLAIMER: All the same rules apply. If you're too young, go away, if
you don't like readying male/male erotic stories, go away, blah, blah,
blah and so on!
	This story is my first attempt at slash and is a work of fiction
and in no way implies that the boys of Westlife or Boyzone are gay or
bisexual other than Steven Gaytley who is openly gay.
	Other possible groups and singers to be added into this story as
it progresses are, N'sync, BSB, Ricky Martin, Britney Spears, Christina
Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, Bree Sharp, Tara McLain, Madonna, Cher,
Mariah Carey, and many more.
	If you like this story and want to see it continue please e-mail
me at Mizzpembroke@yahoo.com and let me know what you think.  Opinions
wanted and needed, all e-mails will be answered personally. So let me
know. This is part two of *hopefully* my continuing storyline.  Thank
you to all of those readers who sent me comments.
*****

CAN'T LOSE WHAT YOU NEVER HAD
CHAPTER TWO
Written by Mizz Pembroke
Edited by Darren LeVanelle.

     "Shane what the hell is your problem?" Ronan asked demandingly as
he sat down next to him on the side of the road.  He had already called
a cab that should be there shortly.  When Ronan received no response
from Shane he put his arm around Shane's shoulder that was shrugged off
forcefully and with anger.
     "Don't fucking touch me damnit!"
     "Don't speak to me in that tone of voice and tell me what's
wrong."
     "I don't want to talk about it alright?"
     "No.  It's not all right Shane. Until you can tell me what's
wrong and correct your attitude you won't be performing in any of the
concerts." Ronan said.
     "What? You can't do that!" Shane bellowed.
     "I can and I will. I can't have you trying to pummel Nicky every
time you gents have an argument."
     "We didn't have and argument, we..." Shane stopped talking.
     "Well, we what? "
     "We, I...I allowed him to do something to me that I believe is
wrong!"
     "Ok, let me get this right...I'm going on what I gathered from
the punch fest in the limo that you, Bryan and Nicky shared a private
sexual encounter. Am I right so far?"
     "Yeah." Shane said reluctantly.
     "And you feel it was wrong?"
     "Well, yes. It goes against my morals and it made me feel
dirty...it's just wrong!"
     "So...Steven and Liam's relationship is wrong?"
     "Yes.  No...I don't know. It's just that it's wrong for me."
     "Ok. Tell me why, and how it happened."
     "It's kinda your fault." Shane said with a small laugh.  "Because
you gave us such as short time to get ready we all ended up in the
shower together. Bryan and I were...hard, I mean it's like when your in
gym class and you have to shower in front of other guys you get nervous
and well...anyway one thing led to another and..." Shane trailed off.
     "And?" Ronan prodded Shane to continue.
     "We where joking around and Nicky said he was aroused because he
had two cute guys in the shower with him. We've always known Nicky was
gay.  It's never been an issue.  Even at the auditions for the new
group members he shamelessly flirted with Kian."
     "So something happened?"
     "Yeah."
     "But if it bothered you why didn't you stop it?" Ronan ventured.
     "Well at the time I liked it.  I guess what they say about gay
guys is true, they do give better head."
     "Yes, they do!"
     "What do you mean...I thought you were straight?"
     "I am.  But before I got married and I first learned that Steven
was gay...we fooled around a bit.  But I came to the same conclusion
you have.  It's not my thing, but if it's what Steven wants then I
support him all the way."
     "Does your wife know?"
     "Yes, she knows about the experience but not who the person was.
Oh I'm sure she suspects that it was Steven but I think that for her
it's better not to ask."
     "But what about Liam?  Does he know?"
     "No he does not and I would like to keep it that way!
Understand?"  He looked at Shane as he shook his head yes.  "Good, now
I think you need to get some rest and I suggest you talk to Nicky
tomorrow and let him know where you stand on what happened."  Ronan
finished what he had to say as the cab pulled up next to them.

     The six of them sat in silence as the limo headed to the arena
until Steven noticed the look of concern on Liam's face.  "What's that
look for babe?  Hello, are you in there?"
     "What?  Oh yeah I'm here." Liam said coming out of a thick fog of
emotions.
     "What's wrong?"
     "Something you and Ronan referred to is bothering me.  Who's
Rockie?" Liam asked getting straight to the point.
     "Rockie," Steven started out hesitantly, "Was the crew member
that management fired, the one who was going to out me to the public to
pay them back.  He was also stalking me."
     "What happened?" Liam asked with frustration, angered that he
wasn't there to help.
     "As it happens, it came down to a confrontation involving a gun.
When I came forward about being gay before he could out me he went nuts
and tried to kill me.  But I handled myself very well I might add...and
well he's in jail now for attempted murder."
     Everyone including Liam looked at Steven with shocked
expressions.  Even Nicky turned his head to look up, which had been in
Bryan's lap as he tried to recover from the fight with Shane.  "What?
You never told us tha...oh god my head is killing me." Nicky broke off
from his question.
     "Hey, don't hurt yourself."  Bryan said as he bent down and
kissed Nicky's forehead.
     "Oh, that is so cute." Steven said avoiding Liam's stares.
     "So umm, does this mean you two are,umm...together?" Mark asked
as he shyly looked from Kian to Bryan and Nicky.
Nicky looked up at Bryan not knowing what to say or expect.
     "I don't know.  I never thought of my self as," Bryan stuttered
out the last few words, "g...gay or bisexual, but when I saw Shane hurt
Nicky I wanted to kill him." He finished as he absentmindedly ran his
hand through Nicky's hair.  "What do you think Nicky?" He asked.
     "Well I don't know...I always thought Bryan was sexy but I never
thought I'd have a chance.  It would be strange but I wouldn't mind
giving it a try." Nicky said as he looked shyly into Bryan's face.
     As a smile crossed his face Bryan looked down at Nicky laying in
his lap and said "Guess what? You definitely have a chance!"
     "You mean it?"
     "Yeah, I do."  Bryan leaned down into Nicky's face and lightly
brushed his lips as light as a feather across Nicky's lips.


     Dear Journal,						March 4th
     Things have gotten really strange around here.  Shane and I got
into a fight in the limo last night about what happened in the shower
yesterday and he gave me a pretty good black eye and sore ribcage.
Ronan took him out of the concert last night and believe me people
noticed.  When we got out of the limo the press and fans went crazy and
asked us where Shane was.  When Steven took the mic in front of the
cameras he told them that Shane had a case of the flu and would be
returning to the concert soon.
     I was hoping to skate by the press and fans but that wasn't the
case.  Bryan, now that's another story...but that's later, he gave me a
pair of his sunglasses to cover the black eye but as always the press
doesn't miss anything.  They noticed the eye immediately.  At first
they asked if there had been a dispute among the band but I told them
that we were mobbed by a group of fans at dinner and they got a little
carried away.  That seemed to appease their curiosity.
     Ok, now to the really juicy stuff.  I never thought anything like
this would happen...then again I never thought what happened in the
shower would happen either, but Bryan and I are, get this, DATING.  Can
you believe it?  Neither can I.  When we got back here to the motel
room after the concert Shane was already asleep but he wrote me a note
saying he wanted to talk to me today.  Right now he's in the shower.
Anyway before we went to bed last night Bryan kissed me goodnight and
crawled in beside me until I fell asleep, but I guess he was there all
night because when I woke up he was still here.  I wonder what Shane
thought when he woke up and saw us in bed together?  I wonder what he
wants to talk about anyway?
						Always Nicky

     Nicky closed his journal and looked over at Bryan who was fixing
his hair and making small adjustments in front of the wall mirror that
hung next to the closed bathroom door witch was currently being
occupied by Shane.  Bryan caught Nicky looking at him through the
mirror.  Smiling he asked, "Hey guy, what are you thinking about?"
     Nicky smiled and laughed nervously.  "You, me, Shane...the
group!"
     Bryan threw the comb on his bed and walked over to where Nicky
was sitting on the couch and took a seat next to him.  "That's a lot to
think about all at once.  You want to talk about it?"
     "There are just so many things to consider and think about.  I
mean, are we doing the right thing?  You know, you and me, how will the
record label handle it, and Ronan and the guys...and Shane!  I mean,
sure Kian and Mark know but will they accept it once it sinks in
and...and are you sure this is what you want?" He whispered coming to
the main worry on his mind.  Nicky kept his gaze focused on the
geometric designs of the couch in an effort to avoid Bryan's eyes, not
wanting to see any hesitation Bryan might be having.  He knew their
eyes had to connect at some point so Nicky slowly looked up into
Bryan's young and attractive face.
     "Is that what your worried about?  Listen, I know I've come
across as a playboy and I know that's what the fans think.  God, if you
believed everything that the media says about me...well I guess you'd
think I was a slut but I'm not."  Bryan paused, scooted closer to Nicky
and pulled him into a laying position in his lap, wrapping his arms
around Nicky's chest.  "I know I've led on like I'm a playboy and all,
even to you and the other guys but...the truth is...I've only been with
one girl sexually my whole life."  Nicky looked up at him with a look
of shock. "No, Really, I'm not joking," he said as he noticed the look
on Nicky's face.  "I was fifteen and convinced myself I was in love
with her but I was young and stupid.  I let my friends talk me into it
really, I was never really attracted to her but...I don't know any
more!"  Bryan said frustrated with the memory of it.
     "What do you mean?" Nicky asked confused.
     "Well...I, let me ask you a question.  How...how did you know you
were gay?"
     Nicky thought a few moments before he answered.  "I just knew.
When I looked at girls I thought they were pretty but I never got
aroused even when my cousin and I stole my dads nudie mags.  I would
just think 'what is she thinking?  Blue eye shadow?  And the hair?'  I
won't bore you with any more details."  Kian let out a small chuckle.
"Well that's not completely true.  My cousin got aroused by all the
naked girly pictures...and well, this may sound gross to you, but I got
aroused when I noticed that my cousin Trey had a hard-on." Nicky
finished all embarrassed. "Why do you ask?"
     Bryan thought about the question then responded.  "I'm not
exactly sure but well I've never really thought of myself as gay or
straight, I mean I know your attractive and you're a good looking gent
but on the other hand Britney Spears with all her bubble gum pop knee
surgery enhancements is appealing to the eyes.  I always thought when
the right person came a long I'd know."
     "Oh, I see." Nicky sighed.
     "No, I don't think you do.  I'm not dating you just because you
gave me the best blowjob of my young inexperienced life.  But because
I...I think you might...be the one." Bryan breathed whispering into
Nicky's ear.
     Just then the bathroom door swung open.
     "Ok, ok.  I give up.  I'm sorry.  I'm sure Britney Spears would
date you!"
     Catching on and playing along Bryan gave Nicky a nuggie then let
him go looking up at Shane laughing.
     Shane came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his
waist and another over his right shoulder and looked at them with a
quizzical expression.  "What are you to wrestling about?"
After a short pause with Nicky and Bryan looking back and forth
at each other Bryan fielded the question and stated, "Nicky here and I
got into a discussion about weather or not I would have more of a
chance with Britney Spears or Mandy Moore.  Spike over here says Mandy
but I say that equals jail time.  15 will get you 20."
     "Well Mandy may be young but she is cute.  And on the other hand
Britney is sexy as long as she keeps her mouth shut.  And she might pop
if you don't handle her with care!" Shane said as he rifled through his
closet in search of the perfect outfit.
 	Nicky gave Bryan a questioning look letting him know that he
wanted time alone with Shane to talk about last nights events.
	"We have to leave soon so I'm gonna see if Kian and Mark are up
yet." Bryan said a little too obviously as he got up from the couch and
headed to the bedroom door.  Looking back he gave Nicky a look of good
luck closing the door behind him.
     "Um, Shane. We...umm," Nicky started out stammering with unease.
     "Don't trip Nicky.  I know we need to talk." Shane said as he
finished gathering his clothes and tossed them on his bed.  He started
to remove his towel but hesitated.  Nicky noticed and started to head
to the bathroom to give Shane the privacy Nicky could tell Shane
wanted.  "You don't have too Nicky.  I have to get used to getting
undressed around you again besides it's not like being naked in front
of each other is something new to us."  Nicky didn't respond but out of
respect kept his eyes focused on the floor as Shane removed his towel
and got dressed.  "Thanks," Shane said as he turned around and realized
Nicky had kept his back turned while he had dressed.
     Nicky looked up at Shane, opened his mouth to start then stopped
when he realized he didn't know what to say.  "Sorry." He said as Shane
kept his gaze steady upon him.
     "Why?  You have no need to be sorry.  I was the one that flew of
the handle and reacted badly, childishly, and not like a true friend.
I'm sorry and I apologize for the way I acted..." Nicky still didn't
know what to say and stayed quiet so Shane continued.  "I didn't know
how to deal with what happened and it freaked me out..."
     Nicky cut him off.  "I'm sorry.  I didn't know that you felt that
way.  If I had I never would have..."
     "You have nothing to be sorry about.  Like I said before, it's
not like you were doing something that I wasn't enjoying at the time.
It was amazing, but I didn't think I would feel so guilty afterwards.
I'm sorry I hit you...how's your eye doing?"
     "Oh, it's fine.  The swelling went down and the discoloration's
faded a lot, but my ribcage is still bothering me!" Nicky laughed
nervously.  He looked over at Shane's look of concern and regret.
"Don't worry about it Shane.  I'm fine."  Seeing an opportunity Nicky
continued, "Shane...I think you should know that Bryan and I are..."
     Just then Mark opened the bedroom door and gazed at them shyly,
"Sorry to interrupt but umm, Ro wants to have a meeting before we leave
for rehearsals."  Nicky and Shane looked from each other to Mark,
shrugged their shoulders, then followed him out.
     As they came into the living room of their hotel suite Bryan
notice that Nicky passed up the available seat next to him on the over
stuffed couch and sat on one of the stools at the mini-bar signifying
that he hadn't had the chance to tell Shane about them like Nicky had
wanted.
     Ronan clapped his hands together and smiled at everyone around
the room.  "Well, everyone here looks tense.  Last night was definitely
interesting.  Shane, Nicky, did you two have a chance to settle the
problems this morning?"
     "Yeah." Shane said.
     "Most of them." Nicky said with a worried look.
     "Ok...so what didn't you have chance to tell him?" Ronan asked in
a mediator's tone
      "Well, I...um, I didn't get a chance to let him know about,
um...well what I talked to you about earlier this morning!" Nicky said
directing his response to Ronan.
     "Ah, have you mutually come to a decision?"  Steven asked from
behind Ronan.  Nicky had asked Steven to be present during the
discussion this morning and Steven and Liam decided, apparently, to
stick around longer.
     Nicky turned his gaze to Bryan who had a huge grin on his face.
Nicky smiled and shyly answered "Yes" to Steven's question.
     "Well...what did you guy's decide?" Kian asked shocking everyone
but Shane who was the only one left in the dark.  Noticing everyone's
face Kian continued.  "What? I'm not stupid.  I think I know what this
is about.  It's about..."
     "KIAN!" Ronan, Steven, Bryan, and Nicky yelled at him in unison
     He cringed and shut up.
     "You want to say something, Nicky?" Ronan asked getting everyone
back on track.
     "What the hell is going on?" Shane asked.  "Why is everyone
skating around Nicky like he's committed murder or something?"
Everyone stayed silent so Shane continued.  "Ok, why is everybody so
pensive...what's the big deal?"  Still receiving no answer he asked "Is
this about Nicky and Bryan together?"  Shane looked around at each
shocked expressions. "What?  I'm not blind."
     "How did you know we were together?" Bryan asked bewildered.
     "Well let's see.  You two were in bed together when I woke up
this morning, I wasn't asleep last night when both of you came in. Oh,
by the way, you two really need to learn to kiss quietly.  And then
there was that total bogus fight/wrestle seen when I came out of the
shower..."
     "What do you mean BOGUS?" Bryan asked slightly offended.
     "Well, for one thing, you'd never think of dating or thinking of
Mandy in a sexual manner because she looks too much like your little
sister.  And as for Britney...you're not into synthetic parts that I
know of anyway."
     "Hey!  Britney had knee surgery!" Mark said with a smirk on his
face.
     "Yeah, and I'm sure there's a lot of young girls out there that
want knee surgery" Liam said laughing
     "And you're ok with this Shane?" Ronan asked as he poured himself
a drink from the mini-bar.
     "Why wouldn't I be?"
     Everyone looked at him with blank faces.
     "Look.  I know what I did last night was wrong and I've
apologized."
     "Ok, that brings us to a few decisions that need to be talked
about.  Bryan, Nicky.  How do you want to handle this with the press?"
     "I think for now we keep it out of the press until Bryan and I
have had a chance to discuss it further, and Steven.  I'd like to get
your opinion on this subject later."
     "Fine, sure." Steven answered flattered.
     "I guess that's it for now.  You gents have a busy day ahead of
you.  I think we all know where everyone stands.  That's it for now.
We leave in fifteen minutes." Ronan said authoritatively.
     As everybody got up to get ready Nicky walked over to Bryan and
discussed something in a low tone then walked over to Steven and Liam
who were talking with Ronan, asking both Steven and Liam if they would
join Bryan and himself for dinner before tonight's concert then went to
his room to gather his stuff together making sure to grab his journal
and threw it in his backpack.