Date: Tue, 13 Feb 2001 13:35:02 -0000
From: Chained Soul <soul_of_the_night@hotmail.com>
Subject: 'Can't Run Away' Chapter Three

Disclaimer: This story is not true. I do not know the
guys from *NSYNC. This did NOT happen. Got that? And this
story can be a little dark. I am warning you. If you like happy
endings and no tears, then this story isn't for you. Under 18
years old? Don't read this. If you do, don't blame me for any
trouble u run into. Homophobic? LEAVE. This isn't for you.
What are u even doing at Nifty???
	This is my first attempt at a story for Nifty. Uh...hope you
like it.  Let me know.    Soul_of_the_night@hotmail.com
**************************************************************************

^^ JC's Point Of Veiw ^^

Damn! I hated it when they saw me cry. I need to be the strong
one. I'd always been the strong one. Lately, it seems that I can't
keep up the act. I know what you must be thinking. 'How hard is it
to fake a smile? To fake happiness?' The truth is, it is very hard
to do. I've been acting, hiding for over a year now. In time,
something had to break. I guess this time, I had to be the one
to take the fall. It's my own damn fault though. My own fucking
fault.
	I really had been pushing them all away. Joey was right.
But I don't mean to. I just can't deal with the hate I know they'd
feel for me if they knew. They can't know. I can't deal with
that right now. I can't let them know. Everything hit me all at once.
When Blake and I broke up, I knew my life was over. I just KNEW it.
And that was when I began to push them away from me.
	Joey had picked me up and carried me back into the main room.
Why can't he just understand that I need to be alone sometimes?
Why does he have to care so much? They all care. They wouldn't if
they knew.
	"Josh? Talk to me, man." Joey requested. I barely managed to
mutter "No" in reply. Joey set me down and gave me a look I didn't
really understand. It seemed like a mix of confusion, slight anger,
and hurt. Fuck. I had hurt him. I hurt him. I don't want to hurt any
of them. Not Justin, not Chris, not Lance, and especially not Joey.
Fuck. I hate this. If I hide it, I hurt them but if I were to tell
them, then everything would change. Lance and Justin would never look
at me the same. They were both very into religion. And their religions
said that I was a sinner. Chris made so many jokes about people like
me. I doubt he'd ever be able to accept one of his bandmates being gay.
And Joey...oh God, Joey would just walk away. He laughed at the same
jokes that Chris did. I think I'd manage to deal with hate from Justin,
Lance, and Chris but Joey...I couldn't handle it if Joey hated me.
	But I am hurting them all. I don't want to deal with that either.
I don't want to hurt them. Fine. I'll tell them. I can do this. Maybe.
Justin don't look at me like that. Ugh. Everyone is staring at me.
Ok, I can do this. I can. Or maybe not. Now Joey looks scared. What?
Does he know what I am feeling or something? I can't do this. I won't.
	"Jace, just tell us. Let it out." Justin spoke up. Did he
know? I shook my head. I can NOT do this! Justin pulled me into a hug and
I barely heard him whisper, "We will never stop loving you. Just say it."
He did know. He had to. But...how? I nodded. Fine. I'll say it, Just.
But be careful what you wish for.
	"Guys, can you all sit down. I have to tell you something." Oh I
can't believe I am gonna do this. I looked around. Chris was biting his
finger nails. He only did that when he was nervous. Lance had a blank
expression on his face. I couldn't read his emotions. But he kept
clenching his fists. Justin had a small, in a way encouraging smile on
his face. And Joey was chewing on his bottom lip. He did that when he was
thinking. Here goes. I can do this.
	"Guys, this may come as a shock to you but I'm...I'm..." Fuck. I
can't do this. I wanted to scream. This was so frustrating. I can't
stand this anymore! "I'm gay!" I shouted in anger before I broke down,
hopefully for the last time. I hate crying. Hate it. Hate. Oh no. What
must they all think now. I won't look at them. Won't look up. Too late.
Chris looked so confused. Chris very rarely looked like that. He didn't
let things get to him. Justin still had that little smile on his face.
Lance seemed happy as well. He wasn't really smiling but you could see in
his eyes that he wasn't at all upset. In fact, it was he that first came
over and hugged me. Then Justin. Chris and Joey didn't move. I couldn't
read Joey's expression. He just sat there. Shocked, maybe. I don't know.
	Chris sighed and walked over to me. He sat down beside me and put
his arm over my shoulders. "Still best friends?" I asked weakly. He just
nodded and pulled me a little closer to him. I rested my head on his
shoulder, terrified by the lack of response from Joey. Chris whispered to
me. "You got guts. I couldn't have done it. And you're still my best friend.
Ok?" I barely nodded. C'mon, Joe. Do something. Say something. Anything.
Yell that you hate me. Say that you want me out of the group. But don't
just sit there. I need to know how you feel.
	Lance spoke up. "Joey?" Joey didn't say anything. "Joey?" Lance
asked again. "Aren't you going to say something?" Joey stood up and left
the room. Damn. He hates me. I knew it. I won't cry anymore. He hates me.
I won't let it hurt. He hates me. But I won't hurt. I give up. I quit...

^^^ Christopher's point of veiw ^^^

	JC slumped against me. "Don't worry about Joey. He just needs
time." I tried to assure JC. It didn't seem to work. He didn't seem to
hear me. I hugged him once more then let him lay back on the bed. I
motioned for Justin and Lance to follow me. We were gonna have a little
talk with Joey. He had to know how scared JC must have been. And still,
Joey turned away from Josh. And as far as I could tell, that was the
worst thing he could have done.
	We got to the 'fight' room as we all called it. It was just a
single room. A regular hotel room. We only had it in case one of us
needed to get away from our room mate for a night or two. I just had a
feeling that Joey would be in that room.
	I knocked on the door. Looking around me,I noticed that I wasn't the
only one who felt confused. Lance looked as if he was deep in thought.
Justin
kept pulling on the corner of his shirt, obviously nervous but also seeming
angry. I was just down right confused.We all knew Joey was head over heels
in love but...he sure didn't act like it when JC came out.
	Joey finally opened the door and Justin, Lance and I all audibly
gasped at the sight of him. His left hand was bleeding bad, his shirt was
ripped and his eyes were, for once, absent of emotion. I think that was
what scared me the most. His eyes were usually so expressive. I mean, you
could just always tell what he was thinking. Always. But not now. Damn, that
scared the hell out of me. I just didn't know what to think. But I did know
that Joey's hand was bleeding all over the place.
	I just shook my head and led him toward the bathroom. I froze when
I saw the door. I had known that Joey's hand was cut but I almost got sick
when I saw the bloody hand print on the door. It reminded me of a bad horror
flick. I did my best to shake myself out of it. I pushed the door open and
then understood. The mirror was shattered. Joey punched the mirror until it
broke. Smart move, Joe. I glanced around.
	The shower curtain was lying in the tub. There was blood all over the
tiles of the floor. The towels that had once been neatly stacked on top of a
shelf were scattered around on the floor. Joey had really made a mess. Man.
What would posses a guy like our Joey to do something like this? Joey was
always smiling. Always joking with us. When one of us were down, he was the
first to try and help. Now he needed help.
	Justin and Lance were standing in the doorway, waiting, I imagine,
for Joey to say something. I think all of us were waiting to hear his
explanation. Justin didn't seem at all angry anymore. But I don't think he'd
been mad at *Joey* anyway. He seemed to understand Joey's actions. Justin
was
gifted. I don't know how else to put it. Justin was, I guess, kind of
psychic.
He knew what people were thinking sometimes. He felt what they felt. Maybe
he was just empathic. I don't know. But he was gifted.
	Lance seemed worried. You could tell he had a lot on his mind. He
kept clenching his fists. If I knew him, he was torn between his feelings
about Joey and his worries about what this would do to our little team.
And thats what we were and still are to this day. A team. Lance, Justin,
and I were all worried for Joe and JC. They were our friends. How could we
not be worried? But we were also worried about what this would do to our
bond as friends. Brothers even. We had no way of knowing if this would tear
apart our team. And if this broke the team, it would also break our hearts.
These guys were all my closest friends. I didn't want to lose that.
None of us did.
	I helped Joey bandage up the many tiny cuts on his hand. It wasn't as
bad as it had looked. Justin and Lance moved away from the door as I led
Joey
back into the main room. I nodded toward the bed and Joey sat down. Lance
sat
down beside him on the left while Justin sat on his right. I just knelt down
in front of him and looked him in the eyes. He looked terrible. The emotion
had returned to his eyes. And he looked so...child-like, in a way. Scared.
And ashamed. None of us needed to be mad at him. He was mad enough at
himself.
He'd sure punished himself for it.
	"Joe, what happened? What's wrong?" As long as I'd known him, I'd
never seen him look so beaten. I'd never seen him without a pleasent gleam
in his eyes. He didn't say anything for the longest time. I thought, 'this
is
bad. We've been friends for a long time. He never hid things before.' But
finally he spoke up.
	"I messed up bad. I can't be with him. Even if I hadn't left that
room. There is still no way. I won't be the downfall of this group."
I didn't understand. What was he so afraid of? I asked him just that. He
sighed a slow, sad sigh. "Chris, it's not that simple. I don't know if you
thought about it, but what would it do to our group if word got out that two
of us are gay? I mean, be realistic. It would be over. Just let it go, ok? I
don't want to think about this any more tonight."
	'Three of us', I thought. He was in love with JC but was willing to
'just let it go'? Oh hell no. I wasn't about to let him do that. No fucking
way. Best friends can live through just about anything. Did he plan to let
our fame get in the way of his love for JC? Hell no. I wouldn't let him do
that. Not this time. He always avoided it when something confused him. Not
this time.
	"Dammit, Joe! You can't hide from everything that you are unsure of!
Are you gonna let JC go just because you're too scared to take a chance?
Don't be so freaking cowardly! I am sorry I sound cold but I am sick and
tired of watching you run away from situations that are 'too hard' or 'too
confusing'. Face it! Face JC! Tell him how much you love him! He's the only
one in this group that doesn't know it! Take a chance, Joe! Stop running.
We're a team. You don't just run away from your team. Sometimes, you just
can't run away. Now, c'mon, Joe. Go tell JC. Stop hiding. Stop running. Just
say the words."
	Joey blinked up at me, the gleam returning to his eyes. "Since when
did you do inspirational speaking?" He was laughing. I didn't get this
particular joke. What was so damn funny? Justin and Joey were rolling on the
floor laughing their asses off. I looked at Lance with questioning eyes. He
just smirked. What? I didn't get it.
	"Chrissy, you have a lot to learn." Lance said. Joey and Justin
finally shut up. "Well, are you gonna tell him?" I asked impatiently. I
still
didn't see what was so funny. Joey nodded with a genuine smile on his face.
I was glad to see that I had at least cheered him up a bit. But I still
didn't get why they had all been laughing. On the walk back toward JC's
room,
I asked them exactly that.
	"Chris, man, you're little speach was motivating but you really
didn't need to be so dramatic." Joey laughed. Yeah yeah. I get it now.
Only now, I didn't want it. We knocked on the door to JC's room but he
didn't
answer. Lance had an extra key to every one of our rooms. Thank god. We
walked into the room and Joey sighed heavily. Was that a bad sign?
"You ready for this, man?" I asked him. I knew it had to be a big step for
him. He just nodded. I guess you're never *really* ready when it comes to
telling a friend that you've fallen in love with them.
	Justin, Lance, and I stayed near the door-way while Joey approached
the bed where JC seemed to be sleeping. This time, Joey would have to find
it
in himself not to turn away. Not to run. This time, I wouldn't let him run.
Because sometimes, you just can't run away.
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

Yeah. I know. Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out. Sorry I
didn't answer any of the emails I was sent. YET. I plan to write back to all
of you that emailed me. Thank you so much. Some serious stuff happened in
the
last few days and this morning, reading over those emails really did help me
a lot. I am really sorry for the delay. The next chapter might be a while
too.
I will try to get it out within the next week. I've just been a mess lately.
If the next chapter is not posted soon, feel free to email me and yell about
how I need to finish the chapter. Just keep at me if I don't get the chapter
out soon enough.  Anyhow, you know the addy, email me if you got any
questions, suggestions, flames, or anything else.

soul_of_the_night@hotmail.com