Date: Wed, 15 Dec 1999 08:48:37 EST
From: That's The Way I Like It <bsb_stories@hotmail.com>
Subject: "Changes" Chapters 1-2

"CHANGES"

Please do not read if you are offended by gay themes.  This story
will feature a mixture of "real" and fictional characters, some
of them gay, some of them straight, and some of them somewhere
in the middle.  There will be explicit sex of all varieties.
Also, please remember that this is a work of fiction and does
not imply anything about the personalities, habits or sexual orientations of
any "real life" people used as characters in
the story.  This story will focus primarily on the Backstreet
Boys, although other celebrities may be incorporated into
some of the storylines.

* PLEASE NOTE *

This story is set in the near future, approximately
one year after the American "Millennium" tour ends.


CHAPTER ONE

"Are you ready yet?"  "Kev, I said just a minute."  "It's been
a minute, Bri."  "Just chill for five, okay?"  Kevin groaned and
leaned up against the wall, shoving his hands into the pockets of
his loose-fitting jacket and rolling his head against the lightly
raised texture of the hotel wallpaper.  They'd arrived in New York
the day before and were headed to the MTV Studios at Times Square
for interviews and a performance taping.  After almost a year's
hiatus, the five Backstreet Boys would all be gathering in the
city to work out the song list and choreography for the European
tour.  It was a bit of a half-assed deal for their fans on the
Continent, since they had only released one new song as a group,
but at least they would have new arrangements of some of the older
songs and the hits from their solo ventures.  There was also a
certain amount of unspoken trepidation about how they would come
together again as a group after spending such a long time apart.
They had spent so long together, in close quarters on tour buses
and trapped in hotel rooms, that it was simultaneously thrilling
and frightening to have been so long apart.

"Well, you look really fucking beautiful."  "Language, Boo."
Kevin just shook his head, smiling, and held the door open for
his cousin Brian.  He was rather vain and had spent far too long
admiring himself in the mirror and making sure that his short,
curly hair was aligned just the way he wanted it.  Of course,
professional make-up artists would be fiddling with their facial
features and hair before any cameras rolled.  But Brian wanted
to look his best for the limo driver and the receptionist and
the gaggle of fans craning their necks for a glimpse of the
Kentucky cousins.  He was like that anyway, and particularly today,
because it wasn't just a Littrell/Richardson thing any more.
They were representing the Backstreet Boys, the whole group,
starting up the media excitement for a new album after the
European tour, followed no doubt by a series of high profile
music videos, a North American tour, perhaps some industry
awards.  Brian had a good head on his shoulders, even though
you wouldn't know it some of the time.  Kevin stretched out in
the limo and waved regally at a few over-eager fans who broke
through a police line and began rapping on the windows of the
car.

"B-Rok, I love you!"  Brian grinned at the screaming teenager
and gave her a little waggle of his fingers which she would
probably never forget.  A brush with fame; recognition.  The
face on her bedroom wall came alive and saw *her*.  Kevin and
Brian had played a brief circuit of smaller venues supporting
their album together, "Keepin' it Real."  They played guitar
and piano with a small back-up band and a much more low-key show.
No light shows, no dance numbers, just heartfelt ballads and a
few mellow new arrangements of Backstreet numbers like "Back
to Your Heart" and "The One."  It was quite different from the
tour Nick had been on in Europe and Asia supporting his solo
album, aptly titled "The Other Side."  Nick's tour sold to a
younger market and featured choreographed dance numbers,
costume changes, and guest appearances from other famous
singers like Justin Timberlake and Monica.  Meanwhile, Nick's
younger brother Aaron served as the opening act.  Their mother
Jane had been on the road with them, and part of Brian thought
this was a good idea.  After all, Nick loved Aaron and he'd
put on a happy face for him.  But the other part of Brian
knew that his parents were a big part of what Nick tried so
hard to run away from.  So he wasn't surprised to hear from
Tommy, the Backstreet band keyboardist who'd gone on the
Carter brothers tour, that Nick's drinking had only gotten worse
and that Jane seemed cheerfully oblivious to the problem.

Nick had been very much on Brian's mind, particularly since
catching up with Tommy at the Hard Rock Cafe the night before,
but Brian was soon busy getting made up and flattered by
hangers-on and wannabes who populated the MTV studios.  "Can I
get you something?"  "Would you sign this for me?  It's for my
niece."  "What was your inspiration to write 'My Dear'?  Is it
about your religious beliefs?"  "Have you seen A.J. yet?"  This
last question caused Brian to look up from his sandwich.  "No,
he's getting in tomorrow."  I hope.  A.J. was a whole other
story.  Meanwhile, Howie had arrived and was chatting with the
host of TRL, Carson Daly, and a few of the MTV News talking
heads.  Howie had been the lowest profile Backstreet Boy during
their hiatus.  He'd guested on a track put out by R Kelly,
but otherwise had occupied himself by marrying his girlfriend
Maria, who was now expecting the first "Backstreet, Next
Generation."  The three Backstreet Boys were doing all the
early press before A.J. and Nick arrived.  This was not a
coincidence.

Clive and Lorna had sat them down to go over some important
details the day before.  Certain things to try and mention,
certain things to try and avoid.  A.J. had been hosting a show
on MTV called "Crazy Kool" and garnering not a small amount
of controversy with some of the skits and monologues he'd
included.  MTV had been greatly relieved to find out that
A.J. was only doing the show during the Backstreet hiatus and
intended to drop it entirely once they gathered to prepare for
the new tour.  The show was too popular to cancel, and they
had enough trouble trying to censor it without public protests.
In the meantime, A.J. had also released a solo album, but he
hadn't toured with it, only doing two videos and a 40 minute
home video with "making of" footage and an interview.  And a
skit from "Crazy Kool" that hadn't made it past the censors,
involving two gay men and a pet store.  The press hadn't been
too kind to A.J., or to Nick for that matter, while the buzz
about "Keepin' it Real" was generally more positive than
anything the Backstreet Boys had received.  It was hard for
the critics to stomach the fact that such a wildly popular
and "manufactured" group of pretty white boys were also
talented singers and songwriters.

"Band meeting tomorrow?"  Howie had finished the interviews for
MTV News, which went reasonably well since they had been primed
for which questions the Boys would and would not be answering.
He was done for the day, although Kevin and Brian had been
pestering him to join in on the taping they were doing of two
songs from "Keepin' it Real."  Howie had politely declined; he
had a great-aunt to meet, and as soon as the other Backstreet
Boys got to New York, his life as a "private citizen" would end.
"Supposedly," Kevin said.  "A.J. gets in at ten, Nick at noon.
They'll probably both crash for the afternoon.  So we were
thinking of getting something catered tomorrow evening, say
seven-thirty."  "Just your hotel suite?"  "Yeah, just the
brothers, then Clive and Lorna and whoever they are bringing
get there later."  "Cool."  Howie nodded, and then stood there
for a minute as though he had something else to say.  "You
know..."  He squinted at Kevin thoughtfully.  "Am I the only
one who feels a little weird?"  Kevin laughed.  "No, man.
Definitely not.  B-Rok and I were just talking about that this
morning.  It's going to be like we're regressing or something." "Scary,"
Howie laughed.  "Okay man, good show tonight."  "Thanks.
Say hi to your Aunt Whatserface."  "Lila."  "Didn't I say that?"
They slapped each other on the back and parted ways.

"Hey Bri.  Are you okay?"  "Me?  Oh... Yeah.  Yeah, of course."
Brian shook his head.  He had been standing with his hand on a
window ledge staring out blankly at the next building.  "Okay,
well, we're just waiting on the last soundcheck and then we're
good to go."  "Cool, I'll be right there."  Kevin, who always
liked to be the person supervising and delegating tasks, went
off to see how the crew was setting up the stage.  Brian
slipped back into his daydream, wanting to spend just a few
more minutes with Nick, even if it was just in his mind.  He
was picturing a perfect reunion.  Nick looked hot, he looked
thin and his hair was cut nicely, he was dressed up, maybe
wearing those frames he liked to put on so that people didn't
treat him like a dumb Barbie boy.  He gave Brian a bright
smile and hugged him.  "Man, I missed you so much!"  "Aaaah!
Nicky Gene!"  They burst out laughing, and then they looked
into each other's eyes, it was deep there, spiritual,
meaningful.  Brian could remember what it was like to kiss
him, to feel Nick's tongue slip into his mouth, like a sexual
jolt to his system, Nick's big hands squeezing his waist and
sliding over his ass, pushing his hips into Brian's.  "Do you
forgive me, Frick?"  How could anybody not forgive such a
beautiful face, big blue eyes, pouting lips, innocent and
sexual at the same time, Brian ruffled Nick's hair and grinned
at him while he shook his head "no."  The blue eyes opened
wider still and seemed wounded.  "I'm kidding, you ass."
"'Cos I do love you Brian, I was dumb, I acted like a jerk... I
feel so bad..."  "I know, shh.  Forget it."  "I didn't mean-"
"Nick, shut the fuck up.  And kiss me."

"Uh, Brian?  We're ready.  Are you high?"  Kevin was poking
his cousin's arm painfully.  "Whoah, sorry, I was just
totally spacing out."  "That would be obvious."  Brian tried
to laugh it off as he followed Kevin quickly to the studio.
"I haven't been getting enough sleep, Kev.  I'm falling asleep
standing up."  "Not a great idea right before we get down to
serious work."  Of course Kevin would say something like that.
Yes mother.  "I mean it Bri.  You should have made yourself
get enough sleep while you could."  "Boo my love, just drop it.
Okay?"  "Well, I just think that wasn't every good planning on
your part."  Kevin continued bitching at Brian, who was
fiddling with his guitar even though it had already been tuned.
If he didn't focus completely on the task at hand, he drifted
back to Nick.  To his fantasy, which he knew would bear no
relation to the inevitable real reunion.  It was just so easy
to dream when reality was far away.


CHAPTER TWO

"Nice shirt, A.J."  "Ya think?"  A.J. beamed at Kevin.  "What
about the hat?  Do you like the hat?"  "Also very nice.  Very
classy.  Understated."  A.J. was wearing a "Crazy Kool" t-shirt
with two nude cartoon figures with enormous genitalia along
with a "Crazy Kool" hat with a plastic spinner on the top.
"I like to think of myself as a modern sophisticate," A.J.
said, "a philosopher-king."  He stabbed out his cigarette
in the sink and ran some water after tossing the butt
into the toilet.  "There, no stink."  He ambled back into
the large main room and picked at the hors d'ouevres that
were set out.  Howie came in and they began chatting to
catch up a bit.  "So did you find out if it's gonna be a
boy 'D'oh' or a girl 'D'oh'?"  Howie shook his head with
an easy smile.  "Don't know yet.  It seems kind of weird
to know in advance."  "Superstitious, like you're going to
curse it or something."  "Yeah."  A.J. nodded and licked
chocolate off his fingers.  "I can see that.  But I mean,
don't you do ultrasounds and stuff?  I mean, if it's a
boy, you're gonna see his pecker."  Howie laughed.  "We
haven't done an ultrasound at the pecker stage."  "Uh?  Okay."
A.J. shrugged.  "I'm sure your pecker formed before your
brain, right?" Howie said with a silly grin.  "I see why
they call you Sweet D," A.J. said drily.  "Speaking of sweet,
where are the butt buddies?"  "Hmm, good question," Howie
said.  They both laughed as Kevin rejoined them.  "What's so
funny?"  "Brian and Nick.  Who needs soap operas."  Kevin
sighed.  "Not here yet?"  "Nope."

Brian had forced himself to go and knock on Nick's door.  He
just didn't want to have to see him for the first time with
everybody else there.  "Nickolas?"  "Who's it?"  The voice
sounded mumbled.  Brian stared at the doorknob.  He realised
at that moment just how uncomfortable he felt.  Nick didn't
love him.  Nick probably didn't even want anything to do with
him.  They had grown apart.  They could never go back to being
Frick and Frack, the world's silliest best friends, but they
couldn't be mature lovers, either.  They were left with just
memories, and at least on Brian's side, daydreams about the
way things could have been.  He's probably going out with
somebody.  I should too.  I should have found somebody this
summer instead of just focusing on work.  What am I doing
standing out here?  Why didn't I just meet him along with
everybody else?  Why am I making a big deal out of this?  I'm
building it up to something big, just to make it worse when I
fall.  Why do I do this to myself?  Finally, the doorknob
turned.  Nick was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants and his
hair was amusingly messy.  He looked like he'd been napping.
He rubbed his head and looked at Brian dully.  "Hey."

"Long flight, bro?"  "Uh huh."  Nick walked slowly back into
the room and sat down on the edge of his bed.  Brian's eyes
widened when he saw that Nick had apparently been sleeping with
a stuffed animal.  That was just too fucking hilarious.  But he
managed to keep from commenting on it, at least for the time
being.  "What time is it?"  "It's seven forty-five," Brian
said.  "We're supposed to meet now at Kevin's room."  "Shit,"
Nick groaned.  He looked over and noticed that the stuffed
koala bear was in plain sight, and tried to casually shift
the blanket to hide it.  "Well, I have to get dressed and
stuff," Nick said.  "I just wanted to say hi and ... well,
you know, just make sure you were okay and all."  Brian felt
like an idiot sitting there in the dark.  "Oh," Nick said.
That was all he said in response.  Just "oh."  Brian got up
awkwardly.  "So, see you in a few."  He rushed out of the
room and then stood outside of Kevin's room to gather his
thoughts before returning to the fold.  Nick sat in the dark,
having no desire whatsoever to socialise with the rest of
the group.  He picked up the koala bear and sighed at it.
"Why am I even here?" Nick asked the toy.  "I shouldn't have
come back."

Brian stood in the hallway, letting his heart rate return to
its normal pace.  Well, it didn't bear much resemblance to
his fantasy reunion.  On the other hand, it could have been
worse.  Nick could have been in bed with some guy, drunk
off his ass, and say something like, "hey Brian, come join
us... I told him you give awesome head!"  Come to think of
it, Brian said, managing somehow to smile at his own
ridiculousness, that did really happen.

"Sleeping beauty not going to join us?" A.J. asked.  He was
majorly pigging out for some reason, and half-wondering if he
ought to chill with the chow so that he could get a good buzz
going later that night.  But the shrimp was just so damn good!
"He's coming," Brian said.  Kevin gave him a look, but didn't
press the issue.  "Well, I guess we'll give him another five
minutes and then we have to start going over the song list."
Brian rolled his eyes.  He just couldn't help it.  Spending
too much time with Kevin, without the buffer of the other three
guys, had really proved to him just how irritating and bossy
Kevin could be.  Brian preferred to be spontaneous; that was
part of what made life fun for him.  Kevin acted like you
needed to plan out every trip to the bathroom to take a piss.
"Alexander James, are you eating for two?"  Howie grinned at
his band brother, who was piling up another plate of food.
"I don't know, man," A.J. laughed, "maybe I got one of those
worms in my stomach that makes me hungry all the time.  I've
been eating everything in sight."  "At least you're not showing
yet."  "Ah, shadddup..."

Nick made his grand appearance some twenty minutes later and
when he did, everybody stopped talking.  It was just a
coincidence, but once it had gotten so quiet, nobody wanted
to start up talking again afterwards.  So Nick came all the
way over to the table of food and started putting stuff on
a plate before anybody said a word.  He was wearing slim-
fitting black pants, a matching black jacket, and the
glasses that Brian had pictured in his daydream.  His hair
was neatly brushed back from his face.  But the tall blond
had bags under his eyes and looked a bit flushed.  "You look
like a gay school teacher," A.J. said.  "Oh, thanks," Nick
smiled, with food in his mouth.  "I love you too.  You look
like a fucking carnie."  "A what?" Kevin asked.  "A freak at
the state fair," Howie threw in helpfully.  "Hey, I resemble
that remark," A.J. said, holding out his arms before himself
and checking out his tattoos.  "How ya been, man?"  He slapped
Nick on the back.  "Uh, okay I guess," Nick said, shoving
food into his face in a rather classless manner.  He picked
up a glass of champagne and tossed it back with one gulp.
Brian got up and walked over to sit with Howie on one of
the overstuffed couches.  He didn't particularly want to
watch Nick cram food and alcohol into his body.

"So, are we ready to go?" Howie asked cheerfully.  He had
been like June Cleaver ever since the day before and it was
frankly starting to get on Brian's nerves.  Everything was
not sunshine and lollipops.  Was he the only one who could
see it?  A.J. was bragging about his sexual exploits on
vacation in Barbados, where he had been right before New
York.  "I was such a *star*, baby," he said in an English
accent.  "I think they're going to put up a statue in my
honour.  Name a street for me.  Or at least put me on a
stamp."  Brian stared at his plate of food.  It didn't
seem very appealing.  Kevin tapped the papers he had in his
hands so that they were lined up with each other.  God,
Brian thought, you are so fucking anal.  Howie hopped up.
"Can I get either of you another drink?"  Wow, he really
is June fucking Cleaver, Brian thought.  Maybe if I squint,
I'll see that he is actually wearing an apron.  He turned
his head slightly when he heard Nick's voice again.

"Yeah, I saw a whole new side to Asia."  "Did you go whoring?"
A.J. teased.  "Uh..."  Nick giggled and when Brian looked
over, he was drinking more champagne.  Brian turned back to
stare at his food again.  I'm not going to watch, and count
how many glasses he's had.  I'm not his fucking babysitter.
"You did go whoring!" A.J. said triumphantly.  "And you
wonder why people thought his show was offensive," Howie said
with a broad smile.  Kevin turned around and waved at the
two party boys irritably.  "Come on you two, take the food
over here and let's go over the song list."  Brian rubbed
his temples.  He was in a black mood, and developing a vicious headache just
to cap it off perfectly.  Nick came and sat
on the other side of Brian.  "Hey," he said again, but this
time he said it with a sweet, bland looking smile.  Of course
he's smiling now, Brian thought to himself, because he's
drinking.  Knowing Nick, he had a few drinks in his room
before he even came over here.

Brian hadn't said anything in response, and the next time he
looked over at Nick, in the middle of Kevin droning on and on
about why they were going to include such and such song, and
not going to include such and such other song, he saw that
Nick had a sad look on his face, and in fact, he even had tears
in his eyes.  "Nick, is that okay with you?" Kevin was saying.
"Huh?  What?"  Nick looked very disoriented.  "Did you hear
what I just said?" Kevin asked irritably.  "No..."  Nick put
his hand to his forehead and swayed a bit on the couch.  "Are
you drunk?" Kevin looked incredulous.  "No, no, I'm not," Nick
whined.  He rubbed his head.  "I'm on fucking Japan time.  Give
me a fucking break, okay?"  "It is the other side of the world,"
Howie said with a twinkle in his eyes, indicating that he was
actually teasing Nick, even though he figured Nick wouldn't
realise it.  Of course, A.J. ruined his perfect joke by
singing two lines from Nick's song, "Other side of the world,
we're moving far apart, gi-irl..."  Nick made a face.  "Fuck
you," he said.  It wasn't entirely clear who he was saying it
to, or if it was just meant for all of them.

Nick grabbed his plate of food and started stabbing at a piece
of canteloupe with his fork.  "Well, I was just saying that we
think you can do 'Losing You' as a solo, but we'll do the group
arrangement for 'Lonely Nights' and ... uh, 'Other Side'..."
"Fine," Nick said to his canteloupe slice before cramming it
into his mouth.  He didn't say a word for the rest of the song
list discussion, and occupied himself getting his glass of
champagne refilled by the catering staff.  Kevin hadn't finished
his spiel when Lorna and Clive arrived with two people in tow
nobody recognised.  Brian looked quickly at Nick.  His eyes were
bloodshot behind his glasses, and he seemed dizzy and miserable.
"Maybe we should get you back to your room," Brian whispered in
his ear.  Nick nodded.  Brian signalled to Kevin and had him lean
over.  "I'm going to put Nick to bed, he's drunk."  "I noticed,"
Kevin said.  "I think he was drunk when he got here.  I'm going
to go meet these new people."  Kevin got up quickly and tapped
Howie and A.J. to follow him to the food table.

Brian tried to help Nick get up and get out of there as
inconspicuously as possible.  He was good and loaded, and it
was a long walk down the hallway to his room.  "God, you weigh
a ton," Brian said as he tried to get Nick's key card out of
his jacket pocket.  "Where is it?"  "Mmm, dunno," Nick said
stupidly.  "Maybe it's in my pants."  Brian groaned and did
his best to put his hand into the front pocket of Nick's
trousers without groping him.  Nick didn't seem to notice
particularly.  Finally Brian got the door open and Nick
stumbled over to the bed and lay down, snatching up his stuffed
koala and cuddling it to his chest.  "Come on, let me take your
glasses off," Brian said, trying to turn Nick over partway.
"No, don't," Nick whined.  "Nick, you're going to get a
really weird bruise on your face if you sleep wearing
them," Brian laughed.  "Why don't you like them?"  "I do like
them, they're great," Brian said agreeably.  He set the
glasses down on the night table and took Nick's shoes off
for him.  "What about this?" Brian said, tugging at the bear.
"Stop, Brian, leave me alone," Nick mumbled.

Brian stroked Nick's hair as the younger man drifted into a
heavy sleep, his breath laboured and his skin moist with a
light covering of sweat.  "I missed you so much," Brian said.
"I missed you before you even left.  I miss Nicky."  Brian
knew that it would look bad if he didn't rejoin the party,
but he just couldn't.  Instead, he sat there stroking
Nick's hair and his cheek, gazing at him, and finally left
him there, closing the door gently behind him.  They had a
lot of work to do before heading to Europe.