Date: Tue, 29 Feb 2000 16:50:06 EST
From: That's The Way I Like It <bsb_stories@hotmail.com>
Subject: gay/celebrity/boy-bands/changes Changes Chapter 32

Wow, I can't believe it's been a month since I posted a chapter
to this story.  Well, I wasn't very happy with my Chapter 32 and
I had to ditch it and write it over again from scratch.  Plus I
was out of town stalking *cough* watching the Backstreet Boys ...
:-)  I know this is a very short installment, just one chapter,
but it's a major change in setting and I needed to find my
inspiration again.  I hope it's worth the wait. Thanks once again
to anybody who has written and given me feedback and suggestions -
I really appreciate it!  Other stories to recommend - the usual
suspects, plus "Guiding Lights" (finally updated, yeay!), "Moving
Forward" (very intense, that's the way I like it!), "Set You Free"
(hot!), "Nick Lance and JC" looks interesting, and I want to know
if it was really a dream or not for Nick in "Destiny"!

Please don't read if you are offended by gay sex.  The usual
disclaimer about "real life" people applies...   Enjoy.  -- May

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

"You have reached 555-7200.  I'm not here right now, so please
leave a message and I'll get in touch as soon as I can."

Brian hung up the phone without speaking.  "Here boy," he said,
patting his lap.  "Come on!"  His little chihuahua dog Scratch
jumped up, scrambling to right itself and trembling with excitement.
Brian picked up the tiny creature and carried it off balanced against
his chest as he stepped over the piles of baggage littering his
Florida home.  The four rooms he had occupied looked like a war zone,
while the majority remained pristine, as gleaming and plastic as
something out of the pages of Architectural Digest.  Brian eyed an
acoustic guitar and considered moving it off the floor so that it
wouldn't go further out of tune with every jolt to its system, but
he just couldn't be bothered, and instead he bumbled out to the
pool in back.  Scratch whimpered as Brian settled awkwardly into a
lawn chair.  "Heyy," Brian cooed at the animal in a silly voice,
"whyya whinin'?  Huh?  Whyya whinin' at me boy?"  He cuddled the
little beast in his arms and let out a lengthy sigh as he surveyed the
lazy, drooping trees and the thick palms that surrounded the lawns.
Florida had never really felt like home to Brian.  It was like being
on vacation all the time, and there was an air of unreality and
escapism to it which didn't sit right in his heart.  Howie and A.J.
grew up around here, and Nick's family came down in a camper from
the cold Northeast... Brian stroked the dog's short fur and let his
mind roam, grasping at happy memories and turning quickly away from
more painful thoughts.

At least they were done with negotiations for the weekend.  Several
days of closed-door legal meetings had worn everybody out.  Nick's
mother had sent a lawyer to represent his family's interests.  Clive
and Lorna had sent a lawyer in lieu of appearing themselves.  Howie
existed in cell phone form, talking only to his lawyer, who listened,
jotting down notes, and then spoke carefully on his client's behalf
while the four remaining Backstreet Boys stared at him dully.  A.J.
hadn't even shown up until the second day, and they spent most of
that day haggling about the equipment and personal belongings which
were still in Europe.  Their last few tour dates had been abruptly
cancelled, leaving them with further financial entanglements to sort
out.  Brian's phone rang and he lept up from the chair, sending the
dog tumbling to the ground.  "Sorry boy," he said, racing back into
the house.  "Hello?  Oh... Leigh.  Oh no, it's great to hear from
you!"  Brian shoved over a pile of clothes and sat on the couch.
"Yeah, about as well as expected.  I was just hoping to hear from
Mish... Yeah.  I've left him some messages but so far nothing.  No...
No, actually Leigh, it's good.  I need somebody who doesn't take
any crap from me just because I'm a Backstreet Boy.  Or I used to be.
Or whatever."  Scratch came clicking over the hardwood floor and
looked up at Brian with big brown eyes before getting the official
invitation to join him.  "I know.  Leigh, let's talk about you for
a while.  Can we?"

Dani wandered through the Orlando airport, taking in the dizzy fervour
of its tacky, tourism-oriented decor, slipping off her light jacket
as the sunlight blasted through panels of glass.  "This place is
unbelievable," she laughed to herself as she paused in front of a
huge placard advertising the wonders of Disney World, Universal
Studios and the other havens for pleasure-seekers of all ages.  "Like
anything you see?" a familiar raspy voice said to her, and Dani
whirled around with a huge smile.  "Hey," she said excitedly, and
hugged A.J. tightly, taking in the smell of his cologne, a familiar
aura of vanity which she found very endearing, a symbol of one of
his many weaknesses.  "Don't say my name," he grinned, winking at
her from behind his purple tinted glasses.  "Don't worry," Dani
winked, "we've got the situation under control."  They linked arms
and practically skipped down to the baggage claim.  A.J. was
disguised to the best of his abilities, wearing casual athletic
clothes and a false beard which was just slightly askew.  "You look
like an insane oil baron," Dani whispered to him as they waited for
her bag to cycle its way into the terminal.  "Is that a good thing
or a bad thing?" A.J. asked, slipping the glasses partway down his
nose.  "Kind of kinky," Dani nodded.  "I say we do North African
food tonight.  Oh, don't make that face.  You're going to eat it
and you're going to like it.  Besides... We have a lot to talk
about."  She turned away to look for her bag, tucking her sheath
of shiny dark brown hair behind one ear, and A.J. folded his arms
across his small-framed body.  "I wish I could have flown up to
New York instead," he said quietly.

"Oh, shut up!" Kevin yelled out the window to a truck blaring its
horn at his car as he sped through a four-way stop.  He was in the
middle of changing a CD and so what.  He jammed the drawer shut
and turned the volume up louder, drumming his fingers on the
steering wheel and tapping with his free foot as the music swelled
up around him.  "I've had it," Kevin said aloud, "I'm tired of
playing fucking games.  I'm going to sit your ass down and I am
going to tell you exactly how I feel.  I don't really care if you
don't want to hear it.  I really could not give a FUCK right now."
Other drivers gave the dark-haired man strange looks as he yelled
to himself in his car, but Kevin was focused only on his route to
Nick's old house out in Ruskin.  The Carter family was all living
in California now but Nick had renovated the estate and had gone
back there to stay instead of agreeing to live at Kevin's place,
which would have been far more convenient.  No, instead he wants
to lock himself up and feel sorry for himself, Kevin thought to
himself angrily.  "I know all about what you are doing, Nicky
baby," Kevin said, "I've done the same goddamned thing, remember?
Oh no ... that's right, because you don't care what I do and
what I think, because you don't care about me ... only yourself.
Spoiled fucking infant."  His car bumped roughly over the stone
driveway and through the open gates.

"Hello?"  Kevin yelled, stalking through the house.  It seemed very
empty without Nick's little dogs, who were living with B.J. and the
family in California.  All the remnants of the old decoration were
gone, and it almost seemed as though Nick's family had never lived
there.  If he squinted, Kevin could almost picture Angel and Aaron
running around a corner screaming about something, chasing each
other and attacking him with squirt guns.  The ghosts of the
children who had played there several years before still could make
themselves at home; that's how children survive.  It's adults who
can't make sense of change.  Kevin stood in the dimly lit kitchen.
It didn't really look like anybody was living there at all.  There
wasn't any food in the fridge and none of the glasses or plates
were out of place.  "Nick, are you home?" he yelled, walking up the
stairs to the big bedroom that Nick used to share with his little
brother Aaron.  There was the loft where Nick used to sleep, but
the pictures which had been taped on the walls were long gone,
the trophy cases filled with toys and video games were conspicuously
absent.  In its place there was neat new carpeting and a big empty
box for a television set.  Kevin sat down and leaned back against
the wall, feeling suddenly overwhelmed by sadness.  This abandoned,
unloved house was beautiful, but empty inside, absolutely lacking
the essential ingredient, a soul.

"You have to remember, we're in Florida," A.J. said apologetically,
squatting down beside Dani on the carpeted floor.  "This is about
as exotic as it gets."  "Right now I don't really care if it's
exotic," Dani said, "I just care if it's edible.  I am starving."
"Let's not talk about food," A.J. said, rubbing his stomach.
"We're in a restaurant, hon," Dani smiled.  "It's gonna come up."
"I mean, let's not talk about it if we don't have to.  Man, don't
they give us any chips or anything?"  Dani laughed and perused the
menu.  "Well, they've got most of the basics," she said, "I just
don't know if the flavouring is going to be right."  A.J. was
guffawing and she bopped him with a pillow.  "Are you mocking me,
Mr. McLean?"  "Sorry.  I'm sure all white girls know how to tell
authentic Ethiopian cuisine-  Ow!"  They chatted about superficial
things until the food finally came, moist blankets of sour bread
to set off spicy beans and grains.  A.J. had to admit defeat when
tears started rolling down his cheeks, and the waiter graciously
deposited a large earthenware jug full of water on their table.
While they waited for yogurt dishes to finish off their meal, Dani
filled A.J. in on the latest little battles between the Backstreet
Boys' management and her photo agency.  "Will you put in a word
about the negatives?" she asked.  "I don't mind turning them all
over as long as they're not destroyed.  There are some great
memories there."  A.J. nodded.  "I wish it hadn't come down to
that.  That was such bullshit."  "It's not important in the end,"
Dani said softly.  "Nobody really believes that Misha and I brought
down the group."  "I know, but you guys put in a lot of work for
nothing."  "Same for the five of you, isn't it?"  "Yeah... Maybe
you're right.  I have an offer sitting right in front of me, Dani,
and I'm not sure which way I'm going to go.  I feel like a free
agent on the one hand, but then..."  "Don't make your decision
based on guilt," Dani said, taking A.J.'s hand in hers.  "But
give it some real thought."  "Sounds very wise.  Do you want to
be my manager?" A.J. chirped.  "Hell no.  No offense."  Dani
laughed at the pouty expression on his face, and she leaned over
and kissed him softly.  They backed away from one another with
mutually pleased expressions.  "I just want to have fun this
weekend," A.J. said plaintively.  "There's a time and a place for
that," Dani said.  "Here and now sounds good."

Nick dropped his car keys on the kitchen counter and slid the
shopping bags to one side.  He paused, listening to the sound of
a TV set playing in the background, but Nick just shrugged to
himself, figuring that he left it on.  He rested both elbows on
the counter and ran his hands through his hair, letting out a
sigh.  He felt as though he'd been propping up a mannequin version
of himself for the meetings all day, turning its head to look at
whoever was speaking without registering anything internally,
without any ounce of feeling.  It was all his fault anyway.  For
some reason the other guys didn't address that issue, but he
imagined that it came up when he wasn't around.  Howie and Nick
had been so close years ago, before Nick knew that he was gay.
Brian he couldn't look in the eyes at all.  He was afraid of what
he'd see there.  Even hearing his voice felt like punishment to Nick.
A.J. was closed off to him completely and Nick didn't understand
how they had ever connected.  And Kevin... Nick rubbed his eyes and
pulled a half-full bottle of vodka out of one bag.  "Did you get
food too?" Kevin asked suddenly, leaning against the door frame of
the kitchen.  It was a rhetorical question; he could smell the
take-out food from the den.  Chinese, he was guessing.  Nick
coughed and choked slightly before swallowing the alcohol in
his mouth.  Kevin got out two plates and began serving portions
of the noodles.  "You've been eating out of the boxes so you
don't have to put the dishes into the dishwasher," Kevin chided
him, "that's really fucking lazy."

Nick shrugged at him.  "Are you going to say anything?" Kevin asked
finally, walking over to him defiantly and eating the Chinese food by
large forkfuls.  "What do you want me to say?"  "I don't know.  Get
out of my house?"  "Why?"  Nick took another swallow of vodka and
offered the bottle to Kevin.  "No thank you," Kevin said, and he
offered a forkful of noodles to Nick, who opened his mouth wide and
turned slightly to fit them in.  "I didn't come here to play games
with you," Kevin said.  Nick gave him an easy smile, too easy, and
climbed up on the counter, bumping his head lightly on the cabinets.
"You are playing games with me, baby," he said.  "Give me another
bite."  Kevin set down the plate of food and slid between Nick's
legs, slipping his arms around Nick's soft waist and leaning up for
a kiss.  Their lips met and they kissed hungrily for several minutes
before parting with a few little bites.  "Why have you been avoiding
me?" Kevin asked.  "I dunno," Nick said, resting his head on Kevin's
shoulder and sliding his hands down over his ass.  "Look, I know
what you're doing," Kevin said even more softly, cradling Nick to
him, "you can't cope with life by hiding from it.  I'm living proof
that it doesn't work."  "It's too hard," Nick said sadly.  "I can't
do anything more than what I'm doin' now."  He backed away from
Kevin, swaying slightly, and looked him in the eyes.  "You're
young," Kevin said, "you have your whole life ahead of you.  You're
not the one who ..."  "The one who what, Kevin?"  "The one who's
running out of chances."

"Chances for what," Nick murmured, messing up his hair.  "You got me
if you want me.  For tonight anyway."  "I guess I'll take what I can
get," Kevin said, and he pulled Nick's shirt over his head and planted
open-mouthed kisses on the soft, pale flesh, his stomach bulging
slightly where it met in a fold over the waist of his jeans.  Nick
moaned with pleasure as Kevin soaked his quickly hardening nipples
in saliva, letting the cool air send a fierce jolt of pleasure
through his body before the hot mouth returned to tug at his skin.
Being with Nick, feeling his body respond, made Kevin feel as
though he was alive again.  He remembered how desperate he had been
once to be loved, to give somebody his whole heart, and how bitter
he had turned, deciding that it could never happen in his life, that
nobody could be trusted with something so precious.  What did running
away ever accomplish, Kevin asked himself.  He asked himself what
might have been between the two of them if his heart had been open
before.  It was an intriguing question.

Nick traced his tongue slowly up Kevin's neck, tasting his sweat,
taking in the mineral scent emerging from his lover's pores.  Kevin
was delicious to him, and he decided that he had to taste all that
he had to offer.  Nick slid his butt off the counter and unbuckled
Kevin's pants, wriggling them off over the prodigious erection he was
sporting.  Kevin let out a loud moan as Nick's tongue began to bathe
his hard cock.  He grasped the edge of the counter to steady himself,
stepping further apart and beginning to buck his hips as he felt the
insistent heat caressing his ass, Nick's soft tongue sliding inside
him and seeming to open up his entire soul with this incredible
pleasure.  "God, Nicky," Kevin groaned, unable to keep his free hand
away from his throbbing cock.  His whole body shuddered with the waves
of passion surging out through every nerve ending from his core.  He
pumped hard into his hand, letting his dick slap skin against skin.
"Fuck... oh..." Kevin grunted as he came, letting jets of his sperm
shoot into the air.  Nick moved around to swallow the last load,
licking Kevin's dick clean and kissing his inner thigh as he looked
up at him from his position on his knees.  Kevin messed Nick's hair
slightly and looked him in the eyes.  "No wonder you and Brian
stayed together so long," Kevin said.  "What?"  Nick looked dazed,
completely thrown off, and a bit hurt.  "Let's go to bed," Kevin
said, and he offered a hand to the blonde.  Nick followed him,
bewildered.  Why did Kevin even bother to talk to him like he
meant anything more than an easy lay?  I know, Nick said to himself
as he walked into the master bedroom, stepping out of his pants,
guilt.  Everything is an obligation, everything is a penitance.
And so this is my due as well...