Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2000 16:28:52 EST
From: WiteLiteLeo@aol.com
Subject: Dealing Part 3

Dealing Part 3
By CJ

Ok, thanks for waiting on this. I am glad I got some e-mail
from fans saying to take my time and all. I know how it can
be waiting, since I read a lot of stuff on Nifty as well.
So, I am really sorry. Like it said in my delay though, my
computer totally let me down. Lol But it is back now so
here is the story also.

Oh and remember, all hat legal and fiction stuff. it's
still the same.

RECAP ON CHAP. 2:
"Hey Justin." Brian said when he and Justin were the only ones
left in the room. Justin turned around and looked at Brian
nodding very slightly.

JC hung outside the door waiting for Justin to come out. He had
to try and patch up a friendship. That was the most important
thing for him right then. It meant more to him than wanting to be
with Justin romantically. Maybe they were meant to just be
friends?

"AJ, do you need a ride home?" Kevin asked as he held the door
leaving the building open for AJ. AJ went through and nodded.

"Actually, I would like a ride to your house. I have some stuff
to pick up. If that's OK?"  Kevin nodded. He was hurt. He had
meant home as his house, as their house. AJ had practically moved
in there whenever they were in Orlando and had a chance to stay
at their homes. Now it was just a place he had some `stuff to
pick up.' He shook his head of these thoughts as he walked with
AJ to his car, in silence.

NOW CHAPTER 3:

Brian just stood hands on table, trying to look a little
confidant while talking to Justin. He heard Justin sigh heavily
as he turned around. Brian had finally I clear picture of Justin
without having to turn his view to prevent being caught. "Oh.
Justin, what. are you okay?" Brian was referring to the aspects
he had seen in Justin at the table, but much worse. Justin's
stance was somewhat hindered, like he couldn't stand much longer.
His face seemed to drop bearing no resemblance to a face that had
never felt a smile. He had lost the tan he had had, but more so,
he had lost the glow around his body that would remind anyone of
an angel. Brian was looked as sad of this as Justin did.

Justin sighed once more as he sat down. Brian took that into
mind, as he recalled thinking how Justin couldn't stand too long.
"I know you don't wanna talk about my health. Listen, I have a
lot of things to get together before we leave for Germany. What
do you want." Brian was hit hard. Justin was so cold with his
words and his face. That was something Brian never saw, and he
had a feeling no one else did either. He wasn't sure what to say.

"I guess. you are right. I don't wanna to talk to you about your
health. I wanted to talk about us. But I don't think I wanna talk
to you at all. I don't. I don't think I know who you are. You are
different. You must've found something on your journey right?
Since you are so chipper." Brian took his hands from the table he
had been leaning on and started towards the door.

"Don't give me that holier than thou shit. I don't want to hear
it or your sarcasm. You are no one to be judging me right now."
Justin didn't move, but his voice sent ripples through the room.
"You were the one saying goodbye. You are the one saying it was
better I leave. And now I am the bad guy for doing it? No, I
don't think so. You are nothing but a hypocrite. Don't be mad at
me for the consequences of your actions." Brian turned just short
of the door. He was, needless to say, surprised. It may seem
stupid, but Justin, to him anyway, was not a being who could be
saying the things the boy who sat before him shot out.

"Don't blame me. I was scared and confused." Brian was hurriedly
interrupted.

"And you think I wasn't? I think it was painful clear that I was
in the same boat as you. But I was the one saying goodbye."

Brian sighed feeling tired. "Things happened so fast. I was
worried that you. I didn't know if. whatever it was, don't blame
me for this." He voice was rising and falling as the words were
uttered out. He didn't know what he was trying to say. He was
afraid he would regret it later so he tried to stop. "You know. I
thought you would be waiting for me? I thought. I would always
know where you were?" Justin stood up as fast as he could and
turned to Brian who was taken by more than shock. He had never
seen anyone move so fast.

"I know. I know you are not trying to say that I should wait for
you." Justin's voice level raised as he was insulted by Brian's
suggestion. "I mean, it's not like I have found another, but I am
not waiting around for you to come back. Anyway, you said it was
better that I leave. And maybe you were right. I mean, we went a
little fast, and we are so different, I'm too young, and you are
unsure of what you want, and we are both not ready." Justin's
voice changed from sudden anger to a pleading forgiveness. Brian
could tell he was not in control of his emotions, not as much as
he should be. "Listen, I am sorry that I. things haven't been
easy. And no, I am not just talking about the stuff with you.
There is a lot more in my life than that. You add, don't get me
wrong, but you add to a big pile." He looked away before deciding
he had said what he needed to say. Brian couldn't think of
anything to say. He watched Justin go from one extreme to the
next, as the tears became visible on Justin's cheeks. He simply
turned to the door.

"I am sorry. Whether it not it makes a difference, or even
matters but I am."

"Don't be. It's not you. It's me." He heard in a slight whimper.
Brian turned the knob to exit. This was all too real for him.


JC stood waiting. He had managed to get everyone gone without
asking him questions about why he was staying. But Justin still
had not come out. And neither had Brian. He thought back to the
uneasiness when he tried to talk to Brian earlier, but he had
dismissed it than to him being upset with the Justin thing. But
then there was the way Justin kept drifting his eyes to Brian.
Maybe he was just being paranoid? Or was he?

These thoughts were dismissed when he heard a loud shout. "I
know. I know you are not trying to say." Then the voice was
inaudible. He couldn't mistake that voice. But what was causing
such anger? He tried to hear, but there was only silence.


Brian walked out and sighed. This confused him more than the
night they had gotten together, and split up. Now, he was unsure
if he had done this. He couldn't shake the fact Justin looked
ill. Seriously ill. Was it exhaustion or was it something else?
And was he to blame?

He looked up into JC's eyes. Both sets were a little wet. "Oh,
hey JC. I thought all the guys had gone home. Are you going out
with all of us tonight? I think it was a really good idea. We
will be together for a long time. Gotta make new friends so to
speak." Brian rambled knowing the animosity that would overcome
them if JC ever found out about Justin and himself. He had
already come to the conclusion Justin hadn't offered any
information to anyone. But of course, why would he?

JC looked at him trying to decide what Brian seemed to be hiding,
or what feelings Brian was trying to seclude. "Um, yeah. Anyway,
what were you and Justin talking about? I heard him yelling." JC
straightened his stature, trying to seem somewhat in control of
the thoughts that plagued his mind.

"Oh. just some. unresolved business I guess. It's kinda a long
story." Brian wasn't that surprised they had been heard. Justin
was in no way trying to hide the fact he was upset. JC just
looked at him.

"Well, like you said, we are going to be together awhile. And
Justin is my best friend." JC stated not letting his resentment
come through. Brian just looked at him hard.

"Is he?" Brian let the question linger before starting his way
down the hall. He knew how JC felt. He was after all, there too.

JC stood not knowing how to answer Brian. He was still trying
long after Brian had walked away. What hurt the most was, he
didn't know the answer. He finally let it go realizing Justin
still hadn't come out. He had to stand there for a second, trying
to rationalize what he would say. He hadn't come up with anything
we he went through the door.

"Brian, please, just go. I don't want to talk about it anymore."
Justin said as he heard the door open once again. He was tired,
and needed to get home. Well, he needed to get to a hotel. He
wouldn't go home, because he wasn't ready for his mom. He loved
her, but she would want to know far too much. And she couldn't
know. Not right now. Of course, JC would be there too, since he
stayed there often, and e wasn't ready to deal with him ever. He
hated to think about that, but he would be happy if he never had
to confront JC again. He couldn't stay with Chris and Joey, they
would be going out tonight, and want to drag him along. He wasn't
friends enough with the Backstreet Boys to ask for a room, and
Jive was ready to dish some stuff out for their newly acquired
"product".

"You're in luck then, he left about 10 minutes ago." The voice
startled Justin. He still sat in the same chair, his back to the
door. He turned to see JC standing there though. Not Brian, which
was who he obviously thought it was. "You wanna talk about it?"
JC asked as he sat across from Justin.

"What do you mean? I don't care if he goes or not. I was just."
Justin wiped his eyes and started gathering papers the suits had
given them.

"You may hate me, but I still used to be your best friend. And
even though I can see you have changed in your little searching,
I would still know you anywhere." JC looked down trying to be a
friend. He hoped he could do it after all that had happened. Not
just to them, but to Justin.

Justin put down his papers. He looked as though he was about to
cry as he took JC's hands and looked him straight in the eye. "I
could never hate you. You were my best friend, and that won't
change. And I only say you were because I don't think you would
wanna be friends with me right now. I don't even wanna be a
friend with me right now. Everyone I love I hurt and I have got a
lot of things to resolve before I even want to talk about
anything. Please don't you hate me." Justin took his hands back
and started shuffling his papers again.

JC looked at him. "How can I hate you, when I love you?" JC got
up and walked out. He didn't want to be a burden on Justin, and
he couldn't handle fighting with him. He was his best friend.
Even if only in his heart, he was always going to be his best
friend.

The realization that Justin was going to end up alone if he
couldn't pull himself together hit him hard. Too hard.


It was only 20 minutes to Kevin's house from the office, but it
seemed forever for him. He had gone home often, but it was now so
different. Everything was blurry and vague. And the one person he
once shared the strongest bond in the world with, sat next to
him, and never felt so far away. He knew he would hate this
homecoming. "You are really going to do it aren't you?" Kevin
asked as he turned off the engine in his driveway. He didn't want
a hotel room, because he was so close to home, but as he stared
at his house awaiting AJ's answer, he would give anything for a
five star room.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I?" AJ sat there, not getting out.
He wouldn't make the first move. He still had to hope that Kevin
would make the right decision. Not that it mattered now.

"Don't say that, you know why. Because you know I love you, that
I would do anything for you, that I don't want you to go. Why
isn't that enough?" Kevin's eyes were filling with tears, which
he made no attempt to hide. AJ looked into them. Kevin had never
let him see him cry. All they had shared, and a simple emotion
had never allowed itself to be seen.

"Do anything for me, huh? Everything but stop hiding me. You
know, I don't want to talk about this anymore. You ended it
remember?" AJ sounded a little more coldly than intended. It was
still a painful memory.

"No, I don't remember that at all. I remember a morning where
things went by too fast, and things were taken all wrong." Kevin
glanced at AJ and went to reach for his hand. "Alex." At that AJ
jumped out of the car and walked to the front door. Kevin sat,
wondering what he was going to do. He wasn't letting AJ get away
though. He couldn't.

Kevin walked in the house to sounds of doors opening and closing.
He slowly walked up stairs. He knew what was going on. "I can
find my suitcase. I thought I left it here. Where is it?" AJ
looked around closets around a big room down in dark brown wood,
and black comforters and drapes. It was a room that AJ would have
once called part his. But not anymore.

"They are in the hall closet. Right over here." Kevin went to get
them, AJ close behind them. They both went to grab the bag, AJ
never letting anyone do anything for him when he was upset. Kevin
had learned it made AJ feel more vulnerable when he felt he
needed to be taken care of. He would never admit that he wanted,
or that he needed someone to take of him. Kevin's hand found AJ's
instead of the suitcase, a mistake he would later wish he
wouldn't have made.

"Don't!" AJ said as he grabbed the bag and walked back to the
room. "You don't get to touch me anymore, you don't." He was
making this final, and that was hurting Kevin.

"Alex."

"You don't get to call me Alex, you don't. you don't get to be
with me. I love you and you don't feel the same. And don't start
to say you do, because if you did, this wouldn't be happening.
You would have been as happy as I would have been if we walked
into that meeting holding hands, and." AJ closed the suitcase,
having only three or four things in there. He wasn't
concentrating on packing.

Kevin couldn't see the one he loved like this. He hated to admit
it, but AJ was right. He didn't ever realize how strongly he had
felt about AJ. But he did now. He walked over to the crying AJ,
trying to calm him. He placed his muscular arms around AJ's body
and just held him.

 "AJ. let's tell them." Kevin said plainly, still holding a
sobbing AJ. AJ didn't respond. "Can I take that silence as a
yes?" Kevin said getting hope this would end they way it should.
His hopes were shattered though when AJ pulled away and picked up
his suitcase.

"Let's. no. What I mean is I won't. If we are going to be
together, you have to deal with some crap. Because you should
have came to the yes answer a long time ago. Like when I first
asked you. All you did by waiting is say to me you don't know how
you feel about me. And I know how I feel about you. So I guess
I'm. giving you time to catch up or something. Just don't let me
down." AJ had regained a lot of composure, surprising Kevin who
was the one sobbing now.

AJ went down stairs, calling a cab to pick him up, and Jason to
get him a hotel room. He stepped out the door all by himself. A
cold front was coming, making Orlando chillier than at Christmas.
`Only Florida weather.' AJ thought to himself. He bundled up in a
loose jacket he managed to grab coming out. Lucky for him,
because he wouldn't go back in there. He would be scared he would
run into Kevin. It was not that Kevin would convince him to stay,
which was a valid fear earlier that day. He was positive he
should leave. His points were valid to him. He had to let Kevin
figure out for real, how he felt. But do talk to him again, it
would hurt considerably more.



"That's going to be fine. Are you sure you don't wanna go home
though? You only have two days, and you have been gone all
through December and all." Jason sounded genuinely concerned as
he received Justin's call for a hotel room.

"Yeah, thanks for the worry, but I am sure. I will talk to my
parents and all later. I just don't want to deal with all that."
Justin coughed lightly as he finished his sentence. Jason looked
down as he heard this. He had just met Justin for the first time
today, having talked to him only once before in a group
conference call, but he knew something was wrong.

"Justin, listen, are you okay? I mean, you looked a little." He
was caught off quickly.

"Jason, thanks man for caring. I really appreciate. I am fine. I
just got some bug. I went to SF for the New Year and who knows
what I picked up there." Justin did his little laugh, convincing
everyone but himself he was all right.

"If you are sure?"

"Yeah, I am. Thanks." Jason finished up the phone call and making
the reservations. It wasn't that big of a problem, none of the
other guys needed rooms, so it was just one room. Nick was
invited to go stay at Howie's, even though he spent most of his
time with Mandy. Everyone could see they were falling for each
other. It took a little time for the guys to see Nick and Mandy
together, Mandy just turning 16, and Nick hitting 20, but they
both showed far more maturity. Kevin had already talked to Brian
about staying at his place, both because he knew AJ was leaving,
and Brian didn't need to be alone the way he still was. Chris and
Joey were staying together, Lance was going to be in the offices
all the time, no one ever saw him sleep and JC. JC was making due
on his own. That only left AJ, but he had heard nothing so, he
took that as, `I'm OK'.

Not long after Justin's call though, AJ decided he needed a room
also.

"Is that alright. Yeah, do you a ride to get there or."

"Nah, I called a cab. Sorry I am just springing this on you. My
plans kinda. fell through." AJ's voice faltered, as he turned to
look at a house he wanted to call home.

"That's OK. I had to make one for Justin anyway. You guys can be
neighbors. He is kinda sick, so it will be good he is not alone.
Maybe you could help him out a little. Make new friends so to
speak. He won't be going out with all the guys tonight. Joey said
everyone was getting to know the others tonight. I hope they
don't get in trouble." Jason laughed as he tried to organize
things while speaking to his new clients.

"That's fine, I don't think I am going to go either. Just as long
as you get me a bed." AJ tried to laugh, but he pulled off a nice
fake. In no time, the room was reserved and the cab arrived. AJ
piled his one suitcase in the back just then realizing it was
really light. He knew he must have been out of it when packing.
Just as he was about to get in he heard his name being called. He
looked at the door and saw Kevin standing there. He wouldn't come
completely out of the house, but he was there. AJ looked at Kevin
once, and turned away, giving the cabby directions towards the
hotel. He would be there in no time. He hoped.


"What do you mean you are not coming? Everyone is going to be
there. This is out opportunity to get to know the BSB. Please."
Chris complained over the phone, worrying more about his friend
as he backed out of the two groups POW-WOW happening that night.

"Chris. I am tired. I just wanna sleep. Or at least try to. I
have been having some problems with it lately." Justin drifted.
He knew he shouldn't be saying that. He knew Chris was worrying
about him. He could see it since he had been picked up.

"You know, this thing is probably going to be stupid. Why don't I
come over tonight? We could rent some videos or something. Just
us. Please." Chris tried to get Justin to give in. He was
unsuccessful. Justin won his night of sleep, but having to give
up tomorrow to do something with someone. He was not allowed to
be alone. He smiled as he thought of his friend's wager.

KNOCK KNOCK

"Who is it?" Justin yelled wondering who would know where he was.
He just got here.

"It's. AJ. From the BSB." AJ's raspy voice came through the door,
sounding very unsure. Justin got out of his bed and walked over
to the door. He wasn't in the mood for company, but he was
curious why AJ would be stopping by.

"Hey. I thought I would bring you a present." AJ said smiling s
the door opened. He held in his hands, what appeared to be a
thermos. Justin couldn't help but smile.

"Wow. AJ McLean coming to my room. I am shocked. What did I do to
get such an honor." Justin said wondering what AJ was doing.
Justin had never formally met AJ, just in chance encounters like
he had with Brian, but here he was on his doorstep so to speak.

"Well, when I called Jason to get a room, he was kinda worried
about you. Said you were sick. So, I went to my microwave and."
Justin smiled at the seemingly innocent AJ.

"Please tell me that is not chicken noodle soup?" Justin said
opening the door. He smiled again at the corny yet sweet
sentiment.

"Actually it is. I went to call Jason about a room, and I got
stuck with sick duty. That means taking care of your butt." AJ
said brushing past Justin and entering the room. Justin smiled,
surprising himself. He would have normally been upset that
someone just walked in his room uninvited, and especially when he
felt as crappy as he did now, but AJ was making him smile. He
liked that.

"Well, won't you come in." Justin said sarcastically as he shut
the door. AJ turned to look at him while he fixed a bowl up for
Justin at the small kitchen table.

"Oh, I am sorry. I guess that was kinda rude. I am just a little.
off today." AJ said handing a cup to Justin. Justin smiled.

"I as just kidding. I actually understand the whole off thing. I
guess I am with you there. It's nice to have some company
though." Justin started eating which seemed to make him feel
better even though he wasn't really sick. "Hey, I thought you
said this was chicken noodle soup. This is chicken and stars. And
you had me so worked up." Justin smiled as he went to sit down on
the couch inviting AJ to join him.

"Aren't we picky? I came over, taking time out of my busy day to
come see a guy I don't know, and bring him MY homemade chicken
soup, that I cooked myself, and you are complaining. Grief! It's
all I get." AJ went on over dramatically of course. He smiled at
seeing Justin a little brighter than he had been at the meeting.
He didn't really notice that Justin was pale at the meeting, he
was busy with his own problems, until Jason said something about
him being sick. That is when it hit him. And after having to
leave Kevin, he was a little too sad to be alone. He knew he
would end up doing something he didn't want to, whether it is
drink or just cry. So, Justin would be his support group while he
helped the kid recoup.

"Well, thank you for the `homemade' soup. I do appreciate it. And
since you don't know me," Justin said trying to sound hurt, "I'm
Justin." Justin sat down his soup and stuck out his hand towards
AJ. AJ laughed and took it.

"Nice to meet you." AJ took his hand into his. They both laughed.
Somehow, AJ managed to talk Justin into renting a movie and them
staying together for awhile, the same proposal he turned down
Chris with. He felt kinda bad, turning Chris, a best friend, away
and inviting `practically' a stranger in anyway. But AJ made him
smile, and he hadn't done that in awhile. He couldn't explain it.
He liked being with AJ. He had known him for two hours, and they
were already exchanging the `most embarrassing in the group'
stories, laughing hysterically on the couch.

"And then. the camera came back to Joey who still wasn't dressed
yet. He had no pants on while they were recording!" Justin
finished the story, finding himself and AJ rolling. They both
knew the people they were getting stuff on wouldn't live this
down. It was too good.

"You know, Jason told me you were all sad and near death. I was
actually kinda worried about what condition I was going to find
you in, but you seem to be all right. What's up? And why stay
here at the hotel. I know your mom leaves around here right?"
Justin looked at him, AJ switching from the jokes to a more
serious tone.

"Umm. yeah, my mom leaves around here. But I don't really want to
see her right now. I love her and all, but I always have to deal
with stuff when I talk to her, and I have just too much on my
mind right now. That is why I needed a room. And prolly why I
look sick. Everyone has been asking me if I am contagious or
something. I just... have had a lot on my mind lately." It was
AJ's turn to see the change from happy to sad with just a
question and answer.

"Well, I know what you mean. But hey, if you wanna talk, I am
here." AJ said throwing his hands up, while getting himself off
the couch. "But not tonight. Tonight, I am next door getting some
sleep. I am beat." AJ said yawning heavily.

"Yeah, I guess I am a little tired too." Justin got up too,
gathering all his stuff and throwing it on the bed. "Guess I'll
turn in. I am supposed to go do something tomorrow with
somebody." AJ looked at him.

"What ya doing? Or are you being vague `cause it's personal." AJ
said smiling at Justin as Justin blushed.

"No, it's quite literally something with someone. I don't know
yet. Chris made me promise him that I wouldn't be alone stuck up
in my room tomorrow. He is a little too worried. I told him I am
fine, but you know the guys. They all think the need to be your
family sit in." Justin smiled as AJ nodded.

"I know, Kevin tries to control everything." He stopped when he
realized he hadn't thought of Kevin since showing up on Justin's
door. He hated he had to come up now.

"You OK. I think this is he first time I have seen you quiet all
night." Justin playfully punched AJ he the shoulder. He simply
nodded and turned to the door. He felt as though he was about to
cry. He wanted that feeling of not thinking about his loss again.

"Hey, you know. Since you just can do anything, with any old one,
why don't you come shopping with me? I have a ritual of buying
something in each city I am in, no matter how many times I have
been there. And I also have to buy things for a new tour, so I
have a lot to get done. I would love the company." AJ smiled as
he turned to see Justin thinking about it. He liked Justin. He
seemed like a really cool person to be around. And he definitely
liked the Justin he had just spent the night with better than the
silent one he always remembered, and the one he saw at the
meeting. This wasn't shy, or nervous, or embarrassed, or sad. He
was, as far as AJ knew, himself. He couldn't help but hope it was
him that was doing it. At least he did something good for
someone. He smiled at Justin who looked at him and smiled back.

"I would like that. A lot." Justin said opening the door for AJ.
AJ smiled at him. He hesitated before leaving the room.

"Bye Justin."

"C-ya AJ." AJ turned to him when he heard that.

"You can call me Alex." AJ surprised himself as he heard the
words come out of his mouth. He had never let anyone call him
that. He didn't like it. It made him feel like a kid. Only his
mom and Kevin ever called him that. The suits used to when they
were mad, but that ended shortly.

"OK, bye. Alex." Justin smiled as he slowly shut the door. He saw
AJ's back just as the light from the hallway was shut out. He
smiled to himself, realizing he had been doing that all night. He
had completely forgot about everything, and smiled. For the first
time in two weeks, he had eaten something, he had grown tired,
and he had smiled. And he knew it was thanks to his new friend.
He was glad he had met AJ.


AJ walked next door slowly. He was confused. The only other thing
that was more confusing than actually being confused is not
knowing why. Which was were he was at.


"Thanks for letting me stay here. I am tired of hotels. Been in
them for like a month straight." Brian sighed falling to the
couch behind him. Kevin just sat in his favorite chair, not
saying too much.

"Don't even go there with your complaining. You are the one who
wouldn't come home. I still have Jackie demanding to know `What's
wrong with her boy?'" Kevin smirked as Brian had a look of fear
come over him. "Which brings me to the next question. Do I need
to ask?" Kevin sat up and looked at Brian, who looked away.

"I am not in the mood. I'll call her later. I promise."

"You know, that is not what I am talking about. I didn't pressure
it when you left, but now that you are back you have to say
something. Like what you did? What you changed? Something?" Kevin
had been worried about Brian when he left. All the guys had.
Brian had confided in Kevin a little, crying on his shoulder
saying how he felt so out of control. That was as far has he ever
got. He was so stumped on how to help his cousin; he betrayed his
trust and talked to AJ, even though under the circumstances at
the time, maybe he was allowed to.

"Nothing changed. Well, I can't really say that. A lot changed,
it just all went back when I came back. You know?" Brian said not
knowing how to convey his feelings.

"No, I don't." Kevin said wanting to help. He had his own
problems to deal with, but not understanding what AJ wanted for
him had him stumped. Helping someone else, especially his cousin
might make him feel better.

"Well, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"I ask you, hoping that the old saying, `With age comes wisdom,'
applies here." Brian looked up at him letting him know he wasn't
trying to make a joke, "What do you know about love?" Kevin
looked at him as soon as the words had left his mouth.

`Did he know? Had AJ went to someone else? Was it that obvious?'
Kevin was scared. He was not ready to come out right after losing
the only support he would have been sure of. "Why do you ask?"
Kevin said wanting Brian to rest his fears.

"Just curious. Hoping that I am not the only blind one in the
game." Brian stood up walking around the room. "It's just, I
don't understand people.  Especially the ones we love, and are
supposed to love us." Kevin nodded understanding all to well what
Brian was dealing with.

"Can I ask who, or am I guessing?" Kevin asked trying to get
Brian to sit back down. Pacing made him even more nervous.

"Does it matter if it is over?" Brian asked rhetorically. Kevin
just shook his head.

"What happened?" Kevin knew the only thing he could do was
listen. Love was not his strong point right now obviously, but
maybe Brian could help him, as much he wanted help from Kevin.

"It's just. I fell in love. I fell hard. And we spent two weeks
together, right after I left NY, and we just. we were just
together. We took a little road trip; I totally ditched going to
Hawaii. We ended up going to SF. We spent our Christmas just
vegging out in a cheap motel room. It was great!" Brian smiled
thinking back to a time not far gone, when things didn't seem so
confusing. "But then that changed. I don't know how it happened,
but the night before New Year's Eve, we wound up falling asleep
together. When we awoke, I had someone in my arms. I guess we
were both kinda shocked at that, and before we could talk about
it, they were out the door." Kevin didn't even pick up on the
lack of gender specific details as he let Brian continue. "Didn't
even come back until that night. But when they did come back, it
was great. We talked about it, found out when both felt the same
way. and then I messed it up." Brian finally fell on the couch.
Kevin just looked at him with understanding.

"What did you do?"

Brian sat up real quick and looked at Kevin. "Do you believe that
people in love should be able to tell each other everything, I
mean anything that happens, and the other person should not. at
least get jealous?" Kevin let the question lay for a second.

"Yeah. I do. In a perfect world, with a perfect love, that is the
way it is. But we are by no means in a perfect world. And a
perfect love differs from person to person. I believe it should
be that way, but I don't expect it." Kevin's answer hurt him a
little as he thought about it. It was a depressing reality.

"Yeah, I do too." Kevin was trying to catch on to the subtle
hints Brian was dropping, but it was hard.

"I take it, she thought that way too?" Brian nodded, not knowing
what to say when he heard Kevin say she. "What did she tell you?"
Brian just looked down.

"Nothing worth saying goodbye over. And yet I did." Brian started
crying, hurt by his own actions. He was realizing more and more
though, he was crying more about his mistakes, than about losing
Justin. Which hurt him a little more.

"Well, do you love her? I mean really truly, is she worth you
crying over right now?" Kevin asked serious as he could be. Brian
didn't hesitate as he shook his head. "Then you have to fix it.
Whatever it takes." Kevin was talking about himself more than
Brian.

"Thanks. You know you are one of my best friends." Brian said
turning to see out the window next to him. "So, why exactly are
you so understanding?" Brian said with sarcasm turning his head
back to Kevin. He saw Kevin getting a jacket and keys. "Where are
you going?" Brian asked wondering why he was in such a rush.

Kevin stopped short of he door, and turned to his cousin, whom he
wished he could explain everything. "I. am going to go and take
my own advice." Kevin sprinted out the door, knowing Brian would
find out with all the other guys when he had AJ's hand in his,
telling everyone how they felt. He was starting to smile.


"Yeah, hey Jason. I needed to talk to AJ about some things, do
you know where I can find him?" Kevin had called Jason as soon as
he was out the door.

"Yeah, I set him and Justin up with a hotel at the Marriott."
Kevin looked confused.

"Him and Justin, as in together?" Kevin couldn't help but be
jealous. He had lost something dear to him, and was on his way to
get it back. He hated the thought of something standing in his
way.

"Well, different rooms. I just meant." Jason was a little bit
confused by the question.

"Oh, well, anyway, what room number are they in?" Kevin asked
quickly speeding down 1-4 while headlights streamed past his
viewpoint.

"Well, AJ was put into suite 987, Justin right next door. The
rest off the floor is sectioned off. But, Kevin, it is almost
11:30. Shouldn't you be out with the rest of the guys, or
sleeping? And AJ might be asleep too; he was taking care of
Justin because he was feeling sick. He is probably tired." Jason
brought up good points, and interesting facts, but Kevin was
intent on taking his own advice about love.

"I know Jason, but. this is really important. I have to talk to
him now!" Kevin said making that his official goodbye as he
gassed it too the hotel.

Jason couldn't help as he hung up his phone what was going on.
Justin and Brian had disappeared in December, right when he took
over, Kevin and AJ had something going on, and Jason's thoughts
led him to the truth about him more than he would let himself
believe. Things were happening in he group. He knew it would, in
fact, be a long tour.


"Well, I for one am glad we did this. It was a pleasure to meet
you Mandy. Love your music." Chris shook the young woman's hand
as they stood outside Firestone, a local dance club.

"You too Chris. I am glad you all invited me. And got me in."
Mandy laughed, as she knew the only reason she got in was their
famous faces.

"Hey, I helped!" Nick whined as he put his arm over Mandy. They
both smiled.

"Man, and you choose this guy? As in by choice?" Joey laughed
playfully punching Nick.

"Oh, and where is your girlfriend Joey? Oh, what, don't have one?
I know I am shocked." They all laughed. The guys had really
gotten to know one another, minus Kevin, Brian, Justin, and AJ.
Everyone else decided to come, including Mandy, and the three
guys of EYC.

"Well, it's late, and I am tired. That meeting bored me to
death." Howie exclaimed, trying to hail a cab.

"Yeah, we should do this again. Why don't we all get together
tomorrow? Unless you all don't want to? That's cool too." Lance
was getting a little more comfortable with everyone, great for
his first night. But he was always shy, still so in front of the
`Nsync guys sometimes, so you couldn't expect too much.

All the guys agreed, more or less, and went to their respective
cabs.

"Well, I hope your parents don't kill me for having you out so
late. I am sorry." Nick said as Mandy cuddled next to him.

"Oh they trust you. You are like my big brother." Nick looked
down at her.

"Ill! I don't wanna be your brother." They both laughed.

"Not like that! We both don't want that. Hey Nick?" Mandy's voice
went all of a sudden serious.

"Yeah."

"We are OK right? I mean, I have read a couple of things about
us, and I really like you, but we do have to face the reality
that will happen." Mandy was right, smart for her age. Her age
was the issue she was bringing up right now. They both knew it.

"Listen. We both want this, so don't worry. You are going to be
16 soon, and I 20. That is what. four years! And we are not doing
anything illegal. Gosh! We are juts really good friends who
happen to hold hands and kiss ever once and awhile." He leaned
down and gave her a peck. She giggled slightly.

"Thanks."

"For what?" Nick asked sweetly.

"For being so great." She smiled at him once more, letting her
head fall on his chest for the rest of the ride home.


"AJ! Please open up!" Kevin tried to be as quiet as he could,
remembering Justin was next door sick, but he needed to talk to
AJ. "AJ! PLEASE!"

Justin walked over and opened his door. He had slept an hour
after AJ left, but then his couldn't anymore. But that hour was
more than he had gotten in awhile, and he thanked AJ silently for
it.

"Umm. Kevin, is that you?" Justin said seeing a figure pound on
the door to the right of his. Kevin jumped, as he was startled by
the voice behind him.

"Justin. Oh man, I am sorry if I woke you. I just really need to
talk to AJ." Kevin said in a whisper he didn't understand. The
only person he could wake up now was AJ, which is what he wanted.
He was also surprised to see anyone. He tried to be silent. He
took Justin in, for the first real time, seeing why Jason had
said he was sick. His hair was messed up, which he NEVER saw,
with his face seemingly falling in a distraught position. His
eyes were black, despite the hour he had just gotten in, and a
smile grazed his face, but not one that contained happiness. It
was a `business smile', one that they put on because they felt
they had too, not because the wanted too.

"Oh, he still hasn't answered? He went straight to his room after
he left here. I haven't seen or heard anything form him." Justin
volunteered all he knew without Kevin having to ask. Kevin looked
down, and started an awkward silence between them. He didn't want
to keep banging on the door, due to embarrassment of being
caught, and then he would feel as if he was giving the feeling he
was ditching Justin because he couldn't help. "So. nice way to
get a first real meeting huh?" Justin tried to laugh at the
moment they had created. Kevin just looked at him wide eyed.

"Oh, you are right. We haven't really been formally introduced. I
am really sorry. I am just a little. off today." Justin tilted
his head at the words he had heard not more than five hours ago
from the one Kevin wished to find. Kevin walked over and stuck
out his hand. "If you are not too sick." Kevin laughed.

"How did you know?" Justin asked taking his hand, letting him
know he was OK.

"Jason told me when I called for AJ's room number. He said he was
taking care of you." Justin smiled thinking of that night.

"Yeah, he was so great. He brought me chicken soup and
everything. Definitely made me feel a lot better. After my New
Year I needed it." Justin shrugged realizing he was going on and
on about a guy he had just met that night. He did feel a special
bond between him and AJ though. They had just clicked.

"Oh really. What did you do?" Kevin asked waiting for either AJ
to show up, or Justin to leave so he could continue his search.
Justin looked down as he thought how do best answer Kevin's
question.

"Well, me and a friend of mine took a trip to SF, which turned
out a little messed up." Kevin looked at him remembering before
Brian had left. He could hear management's words now.

`Brian, you can't just leave. We already have Justin leaving too,
which takes away from one group. You are the second. It would be
nice to have at least one full group here.' Brian wouldn't back
down though, obviously leaving anyway. But the whole Justin and
Brian both leaving is what made the memory come back. And then he
heard Brian just an hour earlier, `We ended up going to SF.'
Kevin couldn't help but feel something when Brian addressed
everything to him, but now a thought entered Kevin's mind he
never would have thought would be there. Did he and his cousin
have more in common then either knew?

"Well, I guess I'll let you go. Don't want to hinder the search."
Justin started easing back into his room, not liking the silence
he was getting from Kevin.

"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking. But yeah, I should get going. I
really need to talk to AJ, but hey, I think all the guys said
something about spending these days together before the tour, I
am sure we will catch up tomorrow. C-ya?" Kevin asked knowing
that was rude to just stand there in silence. He was satisfied
with Justin's smile and nod and took off for the elevator. He was
scared enough to begin with, but now having to wait to tell AJ,
and not knowing where he was, scared him even more.


TBC

OK, this isn't where I really wanted to end it, but I needed to
get this out I know. Sorry again about that delay. Also, I have
gotten a few concerns and e-mails about Brian and Justin as a
couple. People complain they are put together too much. And I
have to agree somewhat with them. But this story isn't called
Brian and Justin (no offense JM ?), so them being together is not
a definite. I am just writing. But if in fact they do end up
together, I am sorry but this story is for me. I enjoy writing
it, and I enjoy knowing that other people like reading, but I do
it mainly for me. If you ask me, that is what writing should be
for anyway. So, just trust me to go along with the story please.
If there is anything you don't like, I am sorry. I will try. But
anyway, the next one will be longer, since I will have more time.
C-ya!!