Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2000 06:31:38 EST
From: WiteLiteLeo@aol.com
Subject: Dealing Part 7

Well, here it is. Hope you are still reading. I got a lot of e-mail about
the last part. For the first time it wasn't all good. Some people didn't
like the whole Justin/AJ thing, and the Justin/JC thing. I knew it seems
weird now, and things need to be resolved and all, but that is what you
have to wait for in future stuff. And I can guarantee that even with things
are settled between all them and I move on to the other people, there will
be people who won't like what I am going to do. I have to apologize
now. But as I have said before, this is my story and I am doing it for fun,
for me. I will take comments and listen to them all, but it is my choice to
use them or not. I am sorry if things don't work out like some of you want,
but this is what I want. Well, after all that, thanks for the e-mails (good
and bad) and follow the legal stuff. Here is part 7.


Dealing Part 7
~CJ


	AJ enjoyed the arms around him. He had awoken to them so much, and
loved each time like it was the first. His mind couldn't help but drift
back to the first time. Not just the first time he had awoken to those
arms, but the first time Kevin and him and made love and he awoke to those
arms. It had been just after a long string of venues. The guys had two
weeks off for a rest until they had another gig, so AJ and Kevin had time
for themselves. It was about three months after they had gotten together so
they needed that time. AJ could still smell the ocean they had lain on
before heading back to the hotel room that last night.

	"Well, I guess we should head back huh?" Kevin had said as AJ lay
in his lap on the pearly white sand. AJ looked up at him and smiled.

	"If we have to. I am going to hate for this to end tomorrow. I am
not ready to give you up just yet." AJ heard his own voice make the joke as
Kevin and he went hand and hand up the hill. That statement was what
started everything. Kevin had swept AJ up in his arms and carried him back
to their room. As he lay Alex on the bed, they both knew what was going to
happen that night.

Those thoughts made AJ smile. But only for a second, because they also made
him feel worse about what had happened the night before though. He didn't
even know if he could call it making love, because he was making it for all
the wrong reasons. It was hardly like that first night. He had forgotten
what he had wanted to after awhile, but it didn't matter. He looked at
Kevin's chest rise and fall and he stayed tight in those arms that
connected to it. He loved Kevin and never had to doubt that now. That meant
something to AJ. He was in love and for sure. But this whole Justin thing
was weird for him. Justin was the first guy that made him doubt his love at
all, and he still felt remnants of that or something to the effect of
it. He didn't know what he felt for Justin or what Justin felt for
him. They were more than friends, the fact that they got so close, so fast
was proof of that. And Justin had kissed him. He told him to run to Kevin
afterward, but that didn't matter. Justin was clearly in love with Brian
though. AJ continued to be confused as everything twirled around in his
head. After all that thinking, he knew he had to find out now what was
up. He wanted to know for himself and for him and Kevin as a couple. He
didn't want Kevin to have a reason to doubt their love, not like he had. He
took his time untangling himself from Kevin and stood up out of the bed. He
watched Kevin sleep peacefully for a second before heading to put some
clothes on. He glanced at the clock as it read 7:30. No time like the
present. He walked out of the room, hid behind a golfer's hat and a pair of
shades. He had found the clothes he had thrown off last night, not having
time to change. He just wanted to talk to Justin anyway. No need to dress
up.

	As he got no answer from Justin's room he wished he could have been
surprised.  He knew the only other place he would be. At Brian's. The very
fact that Justin being in Brian's room gave AJ mixed feelings reassured him
that this talk was right. He didn't want to think that he didn't want
Brian, one of his best friends, to have happiness but part of him felt
that. He didn't want to leave Kevin, and he didn't really want to be with
Justin, he just didn't want Justin to be taken. That was the best
explanation he could come up with as he knocked on the second door that
morning. It took time as Brian slowly drudged and opened the door. He kept
it open enough for only his face to come through, giving anyone there the
impression he was trying to hide something. AJ could only understand why.

"Hey AJ. What are you doing here so early? If I have to go somewhere I am
going to be mad." Brian joked as he stepped out the door into the
hallway. He shut the door quietly behind him. AJ looked at him and asked
the silent question. "Justin is still asleep and I don't want to wake him
just yet. We were up so late last night." AJ looked at Brian, took of his
shades, and let Brian see the surprise in his eyes. He had taken that the
wrong way. Brian laughed and blushed. "No, it wasn't because of that. We
had dinner after the party and just talked. He stayed here, but there
wasn't anything like that." AJ waved his hand signaling he didn't want to
know anymore. "So, why are you here again?" Brian asked for a quick subject
change and an earlier question.

	"Well, actually, I need to talk to Justin. I know he is probably
tired like you said and all, but it is kinda important." AJ didn't want to
have to explain, and didn't even think he could. He felt as if he was
stabbing his best friend in the back, trying to steal something that wasn't
his. Brian looked at him, but didn't say anything. He just nodded.  He and
Justin were not that close yet, ones life being part of the others. Justin
had privacy and friends just as he did. At least that was what Brian told
himself. He was also tried and wanted more sleep though. He turned and AJ
knew he was going to get Justin.

	Brian walked over to the bed he had just arisen from. He looked
down at his angel under him as he stood over Justin and started to shake
him. "Hey Justin, time to get up. J, come on." Brian said putting both
hands on Justin's shoulders. Justin wasn't responding to his voice so Brian
thought he would try a different approach. He began massaging Justin's
shoulders, a little too hard, but enough to wake Justin up. Justin's eyes
began to flutter open as he groaned at the morning massage he was
getting. He finally recognized Brian's hands on his back.

	"You know, if you are going to wake me up every morning like this,
I will just have to force myself to sleep over more often." Justin laughed
as he turned to lie on his back, facing Brian. Brian smiled.

	"Would that be so bad?" Brian said half joking, half-asking. Justin
smiled a little and let it fall not wanting to start that conversation.

	"So, is there any reason you are waking me up. I know it can't be
11:30 yet."  Justin sat up remembering Jason telling them to meet in the
lobby to go to the next stage early. He looked at the clock read 7:45. He
knew Jason didn't say that early.

	"Actually, AJ is outside. He says it is really important and he
needs to talk to you." Brian told Justin everything in a monotone voice,
but was asking with his eyes if he knew what was up and if everything was
OK. The answer no came through in Justin's confusion. Justin finally stood
up from the bed and stretched.

	"Well, I'll be right back I guess." Brian looked down as Justin
left him so quickly to go help AJ. His feelings of jealousy of AJ and
Justin's quick friendship that he had felt during the party in Florida had
not gone away. Justin was with him now, but him and AJ had managed to get
the friendship thing right the first time, and Justin and Brian hadn't even
gotten it once. They were either fighting or in love, but never just
friends. He couldn't help but wonder if that meant something. His thoughts
about last night made every doubt disappear though.


	Justin stepped out the half open door to the room to see AJ sitting
on a chair in the hallway. AJ didn't really noticed Justin come out until
he sat right next to him. AJ looked at him and then continued to look
around the hallway. Justin waited a little while, wanting AJ to start
things since he called him out here, but sitting for 15 minutes in silence
was too much.

	"Yeah, it is nice." Justin said with sarcasm. AJ looked at him with
confusion.  Justin continued. "The carpet. You have been admiring it for a
while now, and I guess it is a little mesmerizing." Justin smiled as he
moved his chair closer to AJ. He nudged AJ a little and smiled. "Alex,
what's wrong? Did you and Kevin have a fight?" AJ looked at him.

	"NO!" AJ realized that was a little loud and he lowered his
voice. "I mean, we are fine. But we are not." Justin shook his head,
expressing he wasn't sure where he was going with this. "I guess I should
get this out a little better huh?" He said smiling nervously. Justin put
his arm around AJ for support and AJ looked at him.

	"Alex, we have already gone through how much each of us is the
others best friend." Justin joked. "You can tell me anything. What's
wrong?"

	"Ok, then umm, when we were in Florida, why. why did you kiss me?"
AJ let the question go very unexpectedly. He didn't even know his was going
to say it until it came out. Justin looked at him and stood up. He knew
what AJ was talking about. He just didn't know why. "I know this seems
weird for me to ask and all, but. I need to know why." Justin sighed and
looked at the room he had just left. Inside was a man that he loved. But he
was outside it, having to be confronted with a question he didn't know the
answer to. Not then and not now. A question that would hurt the man he
loved if he knew.

	"This is not really a great time to bring this up AJ." Justin said
as he sat back in his seat. AJ nodded, hearing Justin call him AJ instead
of Alex. He also heard a different tone in Justin. Not the sincere, caring
tone that had asked him what was wrong, but a nervous and scared one.

	"I know. And I know you and Brian are. whatever, but last night
that kiss and you, for some reason was all I could think of. I was with
Kevin last night, and you were on my mind." AJ shut up right after that,
knowing he probably shouldn't have said it like that. Justin looked just as
shocked.

	"Umm, what do you mean? What are you saying? You are not saying
that. I mean, are you saying that you love." AJ was the one standing this
time. Justin's conclusions were logical ones with the truth that AJ
presented him with but they still seemed unexpected.

	"No. I mean I do love you. Like we have already said, you are my
best friend. I don't know what I would do without you. I DO love you, but
not like that. I love Kevin."  Justin looked at him.

	"Then why are you here with me, asking me about something that
doesn't matter to you and the man you love. Listen, if you honestly want to
know I did question my feelings for you. Maybe that was why I did it. But I
was confused, and scared, and hurt over Brian, and I felt totally
alone. And then you came in, and made me feel all warm and fuzzy
inside. You were really my best friend. And then we had a great day
shopping, and me and Brian had that fight, and so did you and Kevin, and I
was caught up in the moment and, it just slipped. I didn't plan it, and I
didn't mean it as anything. I am sorry."  Justin couldn't help but hear
those words he uttered to Brian before. `The way we end up. is it my
fault?' How could he not feel this was his fault? AJ saw the boy look down
and knew that he shouldn't have come here. He was the one fucked up in the
head, thinking over something that, as Justin put it, `doesn't matter to
you and the man you love.' He sat back down in his chair and sighed.

	"I am sorry. I shouldn't have come here. This isn't your
problem. It's mine. I guess this really doesn't have anything to do with
you. I dunno why I brought you in to this." AJ said after feeling no
different when he had the explanation he had asked for.  Justin looked at
AJ and wanted to help his friend.

	"Then what's wrong?"

	"I wish I knew. Why do you think I am here? I guess I was trying to
figure it out.  I just. I have felt different lately. Me and Kevin, that
has felt so odd. At first I thought it was just the fact we were hiding
from everyone. I was the one who pressured Kevin to tell everyone. That was
why we had our first fight. He didn't want to tell, and I didn't want to
hide. And then he went and started telling. I almost wish he hadn't, then I
could still tell myself that was the reason me and him were not what we
used to be. But he did and I still felt the same. The morning after, you
know the day we went shopping, I was such a total ass to him because things
were still the same for me. But we got it cleared up after." AJ stopped
looking at Justin. He was going to say after the kiss but thought it was
best left unsaid. Justin nodded. Justin smiled inside; glad this really
wasn't about him. He didn't want that to be another thing that screwed him
and Brian over once again.  He hated to see his friend like this though. He
didn't know what to do. Granted that AJ considered Justin a best friend and
vice versa, they still didn't know each other that long.  Justin wasn't
sure what to say to help him. "And then I told myself that it was you,
because you are not the only one who doubted their feelings." AJ let his
secret go right then. "But I realize now it's not you, or Kevin, it is just
me. I'm fucked up I guess."  Before Justin had a chance to say something,
and try to help AJ spoke up again. "Listen, I should go. I am sure you want
to get back to Brian. I am sorry I dragged you out here for nothing. This
wasn't even about you. I thought about you sure," AJ said bringing up the
one valid point that had kept him thinking this talk was for the best. "But
I think it was just another thing like coming out to everyone, a thing to
mask the real reason I feel like I feel about my life, with Kevin and
outside of him."

	Justin couldn't help but want to help his friend as he pressed the
issue as AJ got up. "Why? Why do you feel the way you do about your life?"
AJ looked at him and then looked at the ground.

	"I still don't know. But it is not fair to him to be with me while
I try to figure it out." AJ wanted to say that he felt like he wasn't in
love like he was before. Sure he loved Kevin, the whole thing about him
being glad he didn't have to doubt that was true.  And he loved Kevin more
than a friend, but it had changed. Or he had changed. Whatever it was, him
being alone was the best thing he could come up with.

	Justin sighed. "AJ, you know Kevin will stay with you through
whatever you face by yourself, or together. He would never leave you and if
you are thinking about leaving him, give it some serious thought. Don't say
it is because it's not fair to him, because we both know that Kevin
wouldn't care even if it were true. He would stay anyway and you know it."
Justin made strong points right before he turned around and headed back to
the man he loved. He couldn't help AJ, and he knew AJ didn't want it. He
wanted, or more like needed to do this on his own. Justin and Brian both
could relate, because that was the whole reason they had left before
Christmas. AJ was obviously going through that, he was just a little late.


	"So, what did AJ want?" Brian sat on the couch, his hair wet,
telling Justin he had already hit the showers. Justin ran over and fell on
Brian.

	"Oh, you already took a shower? I am so upset you didn't wait for
me." Justin smiled and started kissing Brian. Brian was kinda thrown back
by the statement and then the kiss. He pulled back a little and saw that
Justin was just kidding. But the 25-year-old guy couldn't help but want it
to be an invitation. He smiled though and repeated his question as Justin's
head settled in his lap on the couch.

	"Oh, he just needed to clear some things up real quick. Everything
is fine. Don't worry." Justin smiled, content that his answer would
suffice, and be for the most part the truth. "You know, I don't think I
told you that I love you today." Brian smiled, as he didn't know where that
came from. He also smiled as Justin leaned in and kissed him once again,
but this time getting really into it. He put his hands through Brian's wet
hair he had taken notice of and felt his way down Brian's back. They were
getting into a pattern they had started the other night that neither had
the courage to finish. Brian moved his hands up to Justin's chest just the
same though and began slipping up the white wife beater he had slept
in. Justin didn't make any effort to stop him, only thinking that his
feelings were no longer tested. He didn't feel anything for AJ except
friendship, not like in Orlando when he had questioned it. He and Brian had
been officially together for two days, but when something feels right, time
is of no importance. And to Justin, Brian felt right.

	Brian's lips moved off Justin's mouth as he had finally settled
Justin on his lap.  Justin felt the baggy jeans Brian had thrown on slip
around as he sat down on them. He didn't worry about it too much though as
Brian's mouth began kissing their way down Justin's body, returning the
favor given to him once before. He felt the need to move Justin once again,
this time from his lap to under him on the couch to make things easier.  He
was pushing more with his mouth then his hands, but Justin got the point
and followed Brian. In the middle of getting Justin settled in one spot,
Brian had managed to push the shirt Justin was wearing completely off. He
was grateful as he began working his way down Justin's chest. Justin simply
kept his eyes closed as he felt things happening so fast. He had just woken
up and now he was getting into something he had stopped once before. But he
was with the right person, and he couldn't help but feeling nothing but
love as Brian's lips rested on his neck.

Brian's lips made Justin think as he lay there. Brian had made it clear he
had never been with anyone else and Justin the same, but they both couldn't
help but feel the other was really good at doing this for the first
time. Brian had thought it when Justin's lips had made him feel so good the
night before, and Justin thought it now as Brian's hands were wandering up
his leg. It did feel good though, and as a 19-year-old guy, how could he
stop it. Justin was only wearing a pair of shorts he had put on as he
rushed out the door that morning. Brian stayed just on the shorts, right
near Justin's thigh. He didn't go any further as his lips kept working. He
did however massage the area sensing Justin's body liking the effect it
had. He was so caught up in what was going on the only thing on his mind
was what was going to happen between them. After last night, when Brian had
asked Justin to stay with him for the night, he wanted it to be more then
that. He would have waited though, no matter how long it took. He was
serious when he said he was scared, but he still wanted to be with
Justin. But now he could. He stopped only once as he kissed Justin's body,
and all he saw was Justin's face smiling, he eyes closed, completely
trusting Brian. The way looked clear as Justin looked like he wouldn't stop
them this time. He would get to show Justin this time they were together
was real, for sure, and forever. He wanted to make sure Justin always knew
that. His hand began to move up this time, while his lips moved up as
well. His hand headed for J Jr. and his lips for Justin's mouth. Brian
kissed Justin passionately as his hand stayed touching Justin's leg while
moving up. Justin felt Brian's hand and knew where it would be going and he
just kissed Brian back. He took his own hands behind Brian's head and
pulled him as tight as he could. He would kiss Brian for all he was
worth. Brian's hand finally went underneath the shorts leg and slowly made
its way up the inner thigh. He already had a guess at what his hand would
find as he felt what was hitting his stomach. Justin was moving his hips so
that every time he went up, Brian felt what his hand was going for. He knew
if he moved down anymore, so that he was touching Justin's body completely,
Justin would feel the same. But his thoughts detoured as his hand finally
got to its prize.  He had slowly come up Justin's leg, and found his hand
at the base of all Justin's glory.  He didn't dare break the kiss to look
though, afraid that Justin would realize he might be scared, or realize
that he himself would be too scared.

But he did eventually break the kiss, because his hand would move no
further without knowing for sure they weren't doing this if Justin wasn't
sure. Justin looked at Brian and stared in his eyes. "Brian are you sure?"
Justin said a little scared. Brian looked at him and nodded.

	"Do you trust me?" Brian asked. Justin looked at him.

	"Of course. I love you. It comes with that." Justin said
smiling. Brian smiled with him.

	"And are you sure? Because this is all up to you?" Brian
said. Justin nodded quickly, not knowing if he was really ready, but he hid
that well. "Then." Brian leaned down and kissed Justin once more. "Have a
little faith in me I guess." Brian smiled once again and went back to
kissing Justin. Justin smiled as he was so reassured at his words, and he
couldn't help but drift back to the song those words inspired.


When the road gets dark And you can no longer see Just let my love throw a
spark, baby And have a little faith in me And when the tears you cry Are
all you can believe Just give these loving arms a try, baby And have a
little faith in me

Justin smiled as he thought about it. He was in essence, giving Brian's
`loving arms a try.' The thought still kinda scared him, but he knew it was
worth it. His road had been dark, and all he could see was his tears. But
Brian had changed all that, and Justin wasn't scared to let him change
more. He trusted Brian; he had faith in him.

When your secret heart Cannot speak so easily Come here darlin' and from a
whisper start Have a little faith in me And when your back's against the
wall Just turn around and you will see I will catch you, I will catch your
fall Just have a little faith in me

Have a little faith in me

	Brian didn't take this trust Justin gave him for granted as he
removed his hand from Justin's crotch and continued his kissing. He knew
Justin didn't know what he was doing, but Justin was letting himself be
taken away by Brian, and that was what he intended to do. He left Justin's
lips this time to stay gone. He worked his way down Justin's chest, not
rushing, but not stopping at every inch as he had before. His hands
followed his mouth as they wiped Justin's chest as he went down. And before
he knew it, Brian was face to face with the path his was choosing. He
stared at the brown hair that started at Justin's belly button, and
continued until it disappeared. He breathed heavily as he looked at what to
do next. Justin took this time to open his eyes and look down at Brian. He
moved his hands to Brian's back and rubbed them slightly. Brian looked up,
surprised at first but than smiled. He brought his hands up slowly to
Justin's waistband and tugged at them a little. He brought them down a
little and then let go. He almost seemed scared of it but he took hold
again. Justin smiled at he watched his lover so scared like he was. He
didn't want this to be all Brian though, he wanted Brian to know all the
things that Brian had wanted him to know about this was love, and that
meant that it had to be both of them together.

He took his hands from Brian's back and brought them to his own
stomach. Brian watched as those familiar hands appeared out of
nowhere. Brian looked back and forth between Justin's face and his
hands. He couldn't help but wonder what Justin was doing.  Was he stopping
him? His questions were answered as Justin took a hold of Brian's hand and
put them in his own. He moved them as gracefully as if they were just his,
and placed the all twenty fingers intertwined under his own
waistband. Brian gasped in air a little as he felt his fingers touch the
delicate skin underneath the clothing. Justin closed his eyes and looked up
as he pushed his own hands away from his body, causing Brian's hands to
bring down the shorts he was wearing. Brian couldn't help but gasp again as
he was now face to face with something else. No longer the trail held the
view; it was the final destination that was the on looking.


KNOCK KNOCK

"Hey Brian. Are you up man?" Justin and Brian both shot their heads to the
door as Joey Fatone's voice came through. Brian looked back at Justin
before jumping up. Justin quickly adjusted his clothes once again, and
after looking at Brian, ran into the bathroom silently and shut the door
quietly. Brian shook his head, feeling weird after having to end so
abruptly his moment with Justin. He ran to the door real quick but stopped
in front of it. He looked back at the closed bathroom and sighed.

	"Hey dude. Sorry to mess with you so early in the morning." Joey
joked, as he knew the clock read 8:30, three hours before they actually HAD
to be up. Brian chuckled slightly and then turned his attention back to
Brian. "Anyway, our guys, I mean `Nsync you know, we are having like this
meeting thing for us, and I was wondering if you knew where Justin was. He
wasn't in his room, or any of ours, and he seemed pretty tight with you and
AJ, and he wasn't at AJ's so I was just kinda taking a chance." Joey
finally stopped rambling, seeming nervous somewhat to Brian. Brian looked
at him closely before answering.

	"Oh, umm yeah. Justin came over here about fifteen minutes ago
actually. I was already up and we were just chilling." Joey looked into the
room and saw no one else.

	"Did he leave?" Joey asked looking at Brian and then the
room. Brian turned around and followed Joey's eyes.

	"Oh, no, I mean yeah." Brian was the one who seemed a little
nervous now. He didn't really know what to say though.

	"Well, which is it?" Joey asked joking again.

	"Oh, umm, no, he is here. He is just in the bathroom right now. I
think he said something was wrong with his water in his room or
something. But I will tell him to head over to." Brian stopped asking Joey
silently where Justin needed to be.

	"Oh, Chris's room. Right down the hall to the left." Joey pointed
and Brian nodded.

	"Well, he should be out in a second. So, I'll tell him to go on
over." Brian ended the conversation there with a goodbye and then left Joey
to the hallway. Joey looked kinda confused but turned around and went back
to Chris's.


	Justin hated waiting in the bathroom. Not only did Joey interrupt
him and Brian, he didn't like the fact he had to hide. He all of sudden
knew what AJ had been talking about when he said he didn't want to hide
with Kevin. Justin couldn't tell how AJ and Kevin could have done it for a
whole year. He couldn't picture having to do this again.  That only brought
questions to his mind about him and Brian. `Will we wait a whole year
before telling everyone? We will even tell everyone? I don't really want
the guys to know how I feel. I am not taking Kevin and AJ as an
example. The guys seemed cool about them, but they didn't grow up with
them. It's kinda like that whole; some parents don't have a problem with
their children's gay friends, as long as their child is straight. But I
don't want to hide with Brian either. I love him and he loves me. They have
to understand that, right?' Justin thought about this as he heard the
muffled voices stop and the door shut. He stayed sitting though, not
knowing he Joey came in, and if it was safe to come out. His answer came
when Brian opened the door.

	"It was Joey." Brian said simply coming in and sitting on the
counter beside Justin. Justin nodded.

	"What did he want?"

	"You have to go. `Nsync is holding some meeting, it is just you
guys. It is in Chris's room." Brian stopped and Justin nodded again. He
didn't say anything afterward.  He just kinda sat there and fiddled with
his hands. Brian looked down and watched as he quietly banged his feet
against the cabinet under him.

	"Well, I guess I should get going huh?" Justin said jumping off the
counter. Brian looked at him stand straight up and head to the door. Brian
sat there for a second before jumping down and following him.

	"Wait." Justin turned around and faced Brian as he stood right in
front of the door. Brian looked at him and looked down not knowing how to
ask what he wanted.  "Well, when can we, I mean when will I get to see you
again?" He said almost stuttering.  Justin sighed and walked over to
Brian. He smiled at the 25-year-old man that stood there like he was 4 with
his hands in his pockets.

	"When do you want to?" Justin asked seductively as he brought his
mouth to Brian's ear. Brian shuddered as he just stood there. Justin
laughed and started kissing Brian. "I will see you at 11:30 when we all
meet in the lobby. I don't know how long this meeting will take, or even
what it is for, but I have to shower and change and all anyway.  But I will
see you soon. OK?" Justin asked taking breaks in between kissing him.

	Brian pulled away and looked at Justin. "Yeah, I guess." Brian
kissed Justin once more time before turning back towards his couch. Justin
looked at him with a confused look.

	"What was that?" Justin walked away from the door and towards
Brian.

	"What are you talking about?" Brian asked falling on his couch.

	"That whole `Yeah, I guess'." Justin said emphasizing the last
three words. "I can't just blow off a meeting. Believe me I would if I
could, but I can't." Justin said still standing over Brian. Brian just
looked at him.

	"I know, I don't expect you to. Listen, I didn't mean it in any
sarcastic way. I just meant whatever is good for you." Brian was a speaking
the truth as best he could rationalize it. He couldn't deny the fact he was
mad though that they were interrupted, so it may have been a little
sarcastic. Even though Justin had demonstrated that he could get into it
pretty quick, he didn't want this start and stop stuff. It was either all
or nothing. He was scared and he was nervous, and all this interrupting
only confused him more. He couldn't help his hormones from feeling the way
they did. He was in love and he knew the person he wanted to spend the rest
of his life with, at least that was what it felt like to him, and he wanted
to move to the next step. The little voice saying they were moving too fast
was way over powered by the let's get it on one.

 Justin looked at him wondering if he was just nervous, and embarrassed,
not to mention having stuff on his mind. He didn't want to fight with
Brian, especially if there was nothing to fight about so he turned and
walked out.


	"I am so happy we can start now. Nice of you to join us." Chris
joked as Justin came in. Justin looked at the four sets of eyes on
him. Justin blushed as he went to sit down.

	"Sorry, I had to. change and all." Joey looked at him, wondering
why he hadn't changed before going over to Brian's, since that was where he
was but he didn't say anything. They all nodded and got down to business.

	"Well, I have good news and bad news." Chris said as he heard
groans. "Well, the bad news." Chris started off as they had long decided to
hear the bad first, that way the good would be even better. "Since tomorrow
night will be our last concert in Germany, we were supposed to have a week
off and do nothing while we went to France for the next venue. But that
isn't happening. Jason said that Jive called him and had some stuff
arranged for us to do when we get into France. It will just be us too,
because the BSB are flying to England for their own promotional stuff. They
are going to be there until February 15, when they come back. So, there
goes that time." Everyone sighed, looking forward to the time off they were
going to get so early in the tour. Now it was gone.  Justin turned his head
at the fact that Brian would be gone from him on Valentine's Day.  He had
remembered Brian saying they would be gone, but it seemed more real now.

	"What could possibly be the good news?" Joey asked sarcastically as
he sat opposite Chris. Chris smiled moving on.

	"Jason canceled today's stuff. He said since we weren't getting our
week off, and we did so good last night, there is no need to rehearse today
and tomorrow. So we got today to chill." Everyone was a little happier, but
would have all preferred the week.

	"Well, I guess that's it. I didn't mean to get you all up so early,
but this way you can have the day to do whatever without wasting the latter
of it thinking you had plans.  Now get out of my room so I can sleep."
Chris joked around bringing an end to the short meeting. Joey quickly made
his way out of the room, no one asking why he was in such a rush. Lance,
JC, and Justin found themselves in the hallway after being kicked out of
the room so rudely. The all just stood there not knowing what to say or do.

	"Hey Justin, do you think we could talk for a second?" JC asked
finally looking at Justin and breaking the silence. Justin looked up and
stared at JC. He didn't say anything though, he just looked, wondering
whether it would turn out like old times, or last the recent past. Lance
finally broke the silence.

	"You could answer the boy you know." Lance said rather
rudely. Justin looked at Lance with a little shock and he was followed by
JC.

	"What the hell is your problem?" Justin asked not in the mood to
deal with Lance.  Lance just shook his head and walked away. Justin looked
at him, not knowing if he should go after him or not. He was sick of the
way they acted around each other. At first it had been not to talk, but not
it was just mean. Justin looked at JC and sighed. "I guess he has chosen
sides." Justin said plainly. JC looked down at the floor.

	"That's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about." JC looked up and
asked if they could talk one more time with his eyes. Justin nodded and
started off towards his room with JC following behind.

	"So, what can I do for you?" Justin fell on his bed and looked at
JC who stood at the door.

	"Well, like you said, Lance chose sides." Justin nodded and waited
for the rest.  "Well. I don't want there to be sides." JC let out the last
sentence sounding as though he was going to cry. He walked over and sat
next to Justin on the bed. "Listen, I know that we are like we are because
of me. I didn't take you not calling well, and I felt. how I felt about
everything, and then you were upset, and then it was AJ and Kevin, then you
and Brian, then the way I acted in the restaurant." JC sat listing off the
things that had kept them apart this past months.

Justin nodded not knowing if he should say anything. He missed part of what
was being said but was lost in thought. JC didn't stop though as he
continued.

	"I don't know what I am trying to say now, just I am sorry." He
finished taking a big breath. Justin looked at him, but stayed silent. JC
looked at him waiting for him to say something. Justin was waiting for the
same. "Well." JC said nervously. He was happy he had gotten that far. He
had so much to say, or so much he wanted to say, but he didn't think it was
his place anymore. Most of it was just anger in the way because Justin's
feelings weren't returned. But now he just wanted his friend back. That was
it. He just hoped it wasn't too late.

	"Josh, you don't have to say you are sorry. This is as much my
fault, if not more, so I am the one who should be apologizing." JC
interrupted Justin as guilt came over him.

	"But you tried and I was just rude and didn't want to hear it." He
would have continued if Justin had not put finger over JC's lips to quiet
him.

	"Listen, like I said, it is just as much my fault." Justin stopped
there not wanting to jump to things. JC wanted to talk he would let him.

	"Well, what now?" JC said. Justin smiled, just deciding to let JC
do his thing.

	"This is your show. I am waiting on you." They both giggled a
little.

	"I want things to be the way they were." JC said out of blue after
their laughing had subsided. Justin nodded in agreement but knew there was
something that would stand in the way of that.

	"I want that too, but I don't think it will ever be like it was. It
may be better, it may be worse, but it can't go back. I would like us to go
forward though." Justin said turning his smiling face to JC. JC smiled back
and reached over and pulled Justin into a hug. Justin hugged him back; not
knowing how to bring up that thing that would cause a ripple in the
friendship they had just fixed. "Umm, Josh?" Justin said pulling away.
"Listen, before we become all buddy like, I think there is something you
should know."  Justin was kinda serious as JC pulled out of the hug.

	"Listen, I think we should be truthful. completely truthful with
each other from now on. I don't want to go through anything like this
again." JC laughed playfully punching Justin's shoulder. Justin gave a
nervous laugh hoping they wouldn't go through anything like that again.

	"Well, it's kinda about. me and Brian." Justin let it out, but
didn't dare say anything after it. JC looked at him, and got the point
after it was said. He nodded and turned his head, but still said
nothing. "I didn't lie to you I swear. When I said that it wasn't true
about us, it wasn't at the time. But then some stuff happened and one thing
led to another.. I am sorry. I hate to have to tell you this, but I want us
back again. I do love you. I have loved you since the day I met you and I
always will. No matter who you are with, or who I am with. And I am with
Brian. I enjoy being around him; he is one of my best friends too. Please
don't be mad at me." JC's head finally came back to look at Justin as he
said that.

	"I am not mad. I have no right to be. It's not like you cheated on
me or something," JC joked lightly. "You were never mine to begin
with. Listen, I love you, and you know that. And if you feel half of what I
feel for you towards Brian, then I would have to be the biggest ass hole in
the world to begrudge you that kind of love. As long as you and me are
friends; the brothers that we have always been, I am happy."  Justin could
have cried right there at his friend being so understanding him so much. He
was glad that wouldn't be an issue. Justin thought of a million ways to say
thank you and such, but he just brought his arms back up around JC and gave
him another hug. JC smiled. He just wanted this, for them to be best
friends.


	"Hey babe. Where were you?" Kevin asked as AJ walked back into the
room.

	"I just had to take care of some personal stuff." AJ said
non-coherently as he walked in. Kevin looked at him confused. `What
personal stuff?' Kevin asked himself.  They didn't really have personal
stuff between them. Everything was shared with the other. It had been like
that for awhile. They were all the other had really had for awhile.  Now AJ
was changing that. Kevin didn't know what to say to that, but he let the
subject drop. He knew AJ had a lot of stuff happening to him recently, and
he had a lot on his mind.

	"Well, what do you want to do today?" Kevin asked pulling the
covers on the bed away from his body. AJ looked over at the body that was
coming towards him. He smiled as Kevin put his arms around AJ. Kevin patted
himself on the back as he saw AJ smile.  "Does that smile mean that doing
this is OK?" Kevin laughed kissing AJ's neck. AJ smiled and nodded. He
thought about everything he had just gone through with Justin, and what he
had told Justin. But he also thought about what Justin said about staying
with Kevin. `Don't leave him because you think it's not fair to him' Justin
had said. And that was right. And he knew he didn't want to give Kevin up
or anything. He was definitely in love. The lips on his neck reassured him
as he lost himself in Kevin's arms.

	"Well, as much as I would love to do this all day, we do need to
get ready to do some stuff today. We still have to meet in the lobby at
11:30 right?" AJ asked with his eyes closed, feeling Kevin's breath on his
soft skin. Kevin smiled and went to whisper in his ear.

	"Nope, we have today and tomorrow off. Jason said something about
`Nsync having to do something during that week that we have to go to
England, and he is trying to get this tour off on a nice note, so. we have
all day." At hearing that AJ pulled away from Kevin and turned to face him.

	"Good then, let's go out. Just us." AJ smiled grabbing Kevin's hand
and pulling him to get ready.


	Justin stood there hating the fact that he had to knock on Brian's
door. He didn't know if he had the right to just walk in, and he didn't
know is Brian was mad at him for being an ass before he left. Brian opened
the door and stood there in front of Justin. Justin smiled shyly and put
his hands behind his back. "Hey." Justin couldn't think anything else to
say. Brian moved to the side as a gesture for Justin to enter. Justin took
it and listened as the door shut behind him.

	"So, how did the meeting go?" Brian asked as they both found their
ways to the couch they had shared earlier that morning.

	"Good, I am glad that is wasn't anything big. I take it that Chris
told you about today and tomorrow?" Brian asked still not as giddy as he
had been.

	"Yeah, that was like the only thing the meeting was for. Chris said
he just wanted to tell us early so that we had time to do stuff without
making plans around rehearsals."  Brian nodded in understanding that
reasoning. After that a silence fell between them.  They both looked around
the room, not knowing where to go from there. The relationship thing wasn't
that well experienced if there was no dinner or making out. "I'm sorry
about this morning. I didn't mean to make you sound sarcastic and all,
things are just different now. I guess I am trying to get used to it all."
Brian smiled, as Justin was so considerate of his feelings. He had gotten
over that though, he knew things were still adjusting. He just had the
whole stop and go thing still on his mind.

	"It's cool. I completely understand the whole adjusting thing. I am
there too remember. That is one of the great things about this
relationship, we are learning together." Brian joked lightly. "So, what do
you want to do today?" Brian asked. Justin smiled and fell back, his head
landing in Brian's lap.

	"I dunno, I am kinda comfortable right here." Justin said from
Brian's lap. Brian just laughed at Justin as he struggled to find the
softest spot to lay on.

	" I bet you are, I know I would be to." Justin smiled as Brian
joked.

	"Well, would you like to switch places then?" Brian looked at him
and shook his head. "No, I think you would like to switch places. C'mon."
Justin said sitting up and pulling Brian down all at the same time. Brian
soon found himself as comfortable as Justin had been.

	"You know, you are right. I am kinda comfortable right here. We can
most definitely stay here." Brian smiled as Justin nodded and turned on the
television.


	"Where are we going again?" Mandy asked as Nick was walking with
her down the street.

	"I dunno, I just wanted to get out of the hotel. And besides, are
you complaining about spending time with me?" Nick said being
egotistical. Mandy looked at him and laughed. She was happy to get away
with him for awhile. Like the rest of the Backstreet Boys' significant
others, she had heard the Valentine's news. She knew this time together
would be there V-day special.

	"Well, here we are." Nick said as they stopped in front of a white
building, set apart from everything else. She had been thinking so much,
she didn't pay attention so she had no idea where they were. Nick smiled at
her confusion and grabbed her hand.  "C'mon."

	He led her into a homely place, decorated with low light and soft
music. She pulled in a deep breath, amazed at the place she was being led
through. Nick stepped over to a gentleman, leaving Mandy alone to admire
the room. She looked over and finally caught where she had been led. It was
a little restaurant/B&B right outside the city limits they had been in. she
smiled as she saw the man walk over, ready to escort them to the back of
the house.

	"Nick, what is all this?" Mandy asked as she was led out the back
to a little garden.

	"Well, I figure, since we will be gone for Valentine's, and I can't
let you get nothing, that we have our day now. We can just spend some time
out here together, have dinner in a couple of hours, and just be
together. Did I do good?" Nick asked smiling as Mandy hugged him yes.


	The day and a half off went great for everyone. It wasn't the week
`Nsync and the openers were hoping for, but it was more than the Backstreet
Boys were going to get, so it was nice. It had to end though as the last
concert for Germany came up. They were happy they had only played two
venues in Germany. That meant they could move on to the next country, which
made the tour seem at least part over. Everyone was waiting for that. The
concert had gone much like the first one, everyone knowing what to do and
when to do it. It was all high tech and high speed, one band right after
the other. And even if you were not on stage, you were still working on
something, so everyone was as glad to hear `Nsync end everything with Bye
Bye Bye, as `Nsync was. The only disappointment that came with the end of
the concert, the end of Germany, was the beginning of February, where
everyone would be separated, even if for just a week. That was a week too
long for people who spent all their time together, not to mention new and
young lovers who would have to pause their relationships.

	"I hate packing. It is so awful. It just reminds me that I am not
home." Justin said as Brian walked into his room. Justin had stayed in his
room for the nights since the first day that him and Brian had had
off. Both Brian and himself decided that couples just starting off do not
jump right into bed with each other every night and they were both too
eager for more, when they both just wanted to take things slow. So, Brian
had his room and Justin his respectively. But it wasn't such a bad thing;
they would always know where the other one was.

	"I know what you mean." Brian finally replied shutting the door. "I
hate going away too." Brian walked over and stood behind Justin. "You know,
we are only going to be gone eight days. That is not too much, I will be
back." Brian said trying to comfort the fact that he will be gone for a
week. He put his arms around Justin's waist and held him as Justin
continued folding up some shirts to finish packing.

	"I know. Brian, you and me have been together for what? A week, not
counting out little Christmas adventures, so really just a week. I can
handle you leaving after a week. I know I will see you again. I'm
fine. Let's not make it a big deal." Justin tried to sound casual. He
succeeded to Brian, if not to himself.

	"Yeah, I guess you are right. It's nothing." Brian said taking his
arms from around Justin. He went over and sat down on the couch, as they
both said nothing. It stayed that way until Justin had put his last bag by
the door and then went to sit next to Brian.

	"When is your flight?" Justin said softly as he looked back to
Brian. They were both still tired from the show last night, and not ready
to go face reporters and fans just to promote the tour.

	"We are all going to leave here around one I think. It is way
before yours." Brian said relating the facts Kevin had given him. Justin
nodded and yawned. "Still tired?"  Brian asked.

	"Yeah. It was a long night last night. Everyone wanted to have that
damn party to end the first country." Justin laughed as he thought of the
silly tradition they decided to start last night. Brian smiled too and went
back to staring around the room. "I didn't mean to imply that you leaving
was nothing. It is certainly something, at least to me. It's not like I
want it to happen. But what can you do? And besides, we have to get used to
it sooner or later." Brian was happy that Justin always went back to the
unresolved situations that they found themselves in a lot.

	"I know, I am just mad about it. I wish it would just be later
then. I can't believe they are pulling us away from the rest of the tour to
promote in a whole other country for just a week. It is ridiculous."

	"Well, hey, we only have an hour before you have to meet the rest
of the guys, so what do you say we just chill out until then. Just you and
me. That way we can have something to remember while we are apart." Justin
said smiling. Brian scooted closer to him before he began to speak.

	"As long as we are making memories." Brian said smiling as he
leaned into Justin. "I wouldn't mind remembering this fingers." Brian
brought Justin's hands to his lips as he started kissing them. "And these
hands." Brian continued kissing his way down his list. "This neck. These
ears. This cheek." Justin began to close his eyes as Brian started what
they had tried to stop with separate rooms. "And most of all, I wouldn't
want to forget these lips." Brian whispered that inches away from Justin's
own lips before plunging on them. Justin let the kiss linger as long as it
would. They had also decided to keep down the make out sessions as well,
since they had always led to `other things' so this was kinda overdue. As
Justin felt Brian's tongue, he knew it was way overdue.


	"Hey Kevin, is Alex here?" Justin asked as he stood before Kevin
and AJ's room.

	"Actually, he went to go get a drink from the machines down the
hall but he should be back in a second." Justin nodded as Kevin invited him
inside. "So, where is Brian?" Kevin asked shyly still not ever addressing
Justin that he knew what was going on. Justin knew he knew thanks to AJ,
but Kevin would still not say anything about it.

	"Oh, he just went downstairs in the lobby. He said you guys were
meeting there in like five minutes, so I told him to go on and go. I wanted
to say goodbye and all to AJ before you guys left." Kevin nodded as he gave
Justin a bottle of water along with himself. They both sat down at the
table as they awaited AJ to come back.

	"So, how are things?" Kevin said making small talk.

	"Everything is really good besides the fact you guys are leaving. I
can't believe they are shipping you away. That sucks." Justin said looking
down at the floor. He could only think of minutes before where Brian and
him had just finished their goodbye. "But anyway, how are you and AJ?"

	"Oh, we are fine. Same as we have always been." Justin smiled as he
thought about where he would be in a year. Would him and Brian still be
together? Would they still be happy? Would one of them doubt the love for
the other like AJ had done? He shook his head, knowing that now was not a
time to space out. Luckily AJ came back before his thoughts got away too
much.

	"Justin! Hey bro." AJ said surprised to see Justin as he entered
his room.

	"What's up buddy?" Justin said standing to give AJ a
greeting. Kevin smiled at the two friends. "Just thought I would come over
and say goodbye to you and the old guy since you two disappear on us every
other time we try and get in group." Justin laughed as he saw AJ blush from
always disappearing and Kevin look hurt at the old guy remark.  "That's OK
though. Something tells me I would rather you disappear with that stuff,
then have it go on in public." Justin ended the joke as both Kevin and AJ
turned eight shades of red.

	"Well, hey, Justin glad you came by. I guess I am going to go ahead
and take the bags down and all. I will see you guys in a couple." Kevin
said saying goodbye to Justin.  He got the bags and left AJ and Justin
alone.

	"So, are you already to leave?" Justin asked.

	"Oh yeah, I know I can't wait. It is just so exciting." AJ laid the
sarcasm heavy as he joked with Justin. "So, are you already for us to
leave?" AJ came back after the joke had ended. Justin looked at him
surprised, but answered him knowing what he was asking.

	"Yeah, we already said goodbye. That's why I am not going down
there to say goodbye to you. I figured if me and Bri said goodbye in public
someone might think we were dating or something." Justin laughed.

	"Yeah, and that would be so bad?" AJ questioned lightly. Justin
shrugged and decided to move on to the next subject.

	"So, Kevin said things were going great with you two." AJ nodded as
he listened.  Justin waited for AJ to elaborate but it never came
voluntarily. "So, is everything OK?"  AJ sighed, but smiled.

	"Yeah, I thought a lot about what you said about me not leaving him
because I was confused. And I know at least that I am not confused that he
loves me. So, what ever I am going through, I am going through with him."

	"And me. If you want that is. I am not leaving you." Justin added
with a smile. AJ looked at him and smiled back. "Well, I am glad to hear
all that, and I guess I should let you go now. I don't want to make you
late and all." AJ nodded and got up to meet Justin at the door. They hugged
each other and said their good-byes.

	"I'll see you soon J." AJ said pulling back.

	"Sooner then you think." Justin said deviously. AJ looked at him
confused and need only ask with his eyes. "You'll see, let's just say
I. let's just say you will see me soon." AJ looked confused, and most of
all because he was, but he hugged Justin one more time and decided to leave
it at that. And soon, Justin was left in a room alone again, first by
Brian, and now by Alex.



	"Listen, you know I love you and you will always be one of my best
friends, and I will always appreciate that you were here for me." JC said
relating the incident between Justin and himself to Lance. "But he was one
of your best friends once upon a time too. I know you are trying to be my
friend, but I am his friend, and you should be too. I should have said this
a long time ago, because I should have never made you choose sides, or not
say anything when you did it anyway." Lance sat right next to him and
listened to everything. He just nodded, and felt embarrassed by the way he
acted, which had seemed so right at the time.

	"I know, and I guess I will apologize and all. I just. I guess I
just wanted to be there for you. And I guess maybe I stopped being there
for you somewhere along the way and made it about how I felt about
everything." Lance said realizing what he had been doing. But he had a good
reason, at least to him it was, to act the way he did, and now it didn't
matter. JC let Justin walk in and fix everything like he always did, and
like JC always did for Justin. It was going back to the same way that it
had been and that was great for everyone but Lance. He didn't want like it
was before. But he didn't want it like it was now. But, even with all these
thoughts running through his head, he kept his mouth shut and said nothing
more to JC.

	"Thanks Lance. Not just about that, but about everything you have
done for me. I love you." JC couldn't help but lean in and kiss Lance's
cheek as he said that. As soon as he did it he pulled back and looked at
Lance in fear. "I. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." JC said standing up,
feeling the urge to get away from Lance. Lance just looked at him with
confusion.

	"JC, look, you know I love you and you are my best friend, but I
don't. I mean I am not." Lance said as he tried to express how he felt
personal without sounding mean or anything.

	"I know. I don't know why it happened." Lance went over to JC and
put his hand on JC's shoulder.

	"Listen, it's not a big thing. Doesn't even matter to me. I mean,
honestly I can't believe it didn't happen earlier. Everyone wants a piece
of Lance. It's a curse, I swear."  Lance joked as JC just looked at him
with a smile.

	"Yeah Scoop, that was what was running through my mind. oh I mean
NOT!"  JC laughed along with Lance, glad that he didn't mess up his
friendship over something he didn't even want to happen.


	The French person stereotype about hating Americans is not true at
all. Of course there are rude French people, but no more, heck less, than
there are rude Americans, so it was no big thing for everyone has the
promoted in France. It was mostly just Paris, even though a trip to Lyon
and Marseilles were planned, but it was still the experience that everyone
loved. This was some of the openers first time to the country, and it was a
great experience. The girls of Innosense had a great time, even though it
was without Amanda who was asked to go with the Backstreet Boys for a
number of reasons. AJ and her still hadn't had a lot of opportunity to be
together, and Jason, who still hadn't had his meeting with Kevin, AJ, and
Justin yet, thought it was best if AJ was seen with her. Some people
associated the two together, and they would never have to say they were
dating so it didn't interfere with Kevin and AJ's relationship. And Amanda
was more than happy to get to go with the guys to England and was happy she
would get to spend time away from everything for a week since nothing was
required of her while with the Backstreet Boys.  Christina had fun, but
also got the news that she had to go back to the states after the tours for
France were over. She didn't like the news, but was in the middle of
recording her next CD and wanted to make this one even bigger than the
last. She felt kinda distant from everyone anyone anyway, not knowing
Innosense before the tour, not being close with any Backstreet Boy, and
feeling like Justin, JC, Britney, and herself ever knew each other. EYC
took the same call with Christina, mostly just because that gave the same
number of openers per boy band, 2 for 2, but also they were trying to
launch their first CD. Aaron Carter opted to stay with the rest of the guys
instead of tagging along with his older brother so he was having a blast
being the least supervised he had been in awhile.  The girls of Blaque were
the ones who seemed to have the most fun though, bouncing from place to
place, club to club, and it was they who did the most promoting out of
anyone as they just wanted to have fun.

	`Nsync went to everything they were supposed to, and went through
the motions so to speak, but they were not anything but over excited.

	"Hey J. What's up?" JC said taking a seat next to Justin about half
an hour before a record signing. They were really promoting Bye Bye Bye, so
the single was covered with the names of the five guys.

	"Not much, just getting an early start on these CDs. Hopefully we
can get out of here early." Justin said a little nervous as he kept writing
on his CD stack.

	"Us, get out early of anything, you are crazy." JC said
sarcastically as he started signing. "Why do you wanna get out early
anyway?" JC asked as he kept up his effort for nothing to be weird for
them. Ever since they had become friends again, JC and Justin were
everywhere together again. JC didn't want to do something without at least
asking Justin first, and he always wanted Justin to feel comfortable enough
to talk to him again.  Justin liked the fact that JC wanted things between
them cool again, and he knew that JC was overdoing it a little, but he
didn't say anything. He was fine with it. He had missed his friend, and
they had time to make up for. But he still didn't feel completely
comfortable talking with him though.

	"Well, because in two days it's Valentine's Day." Justin said
stopping there. He had already made his plans, told Jason what he was
doing, and was ready to do it. He just had to find away to tell the guys he
was leaving for awhile. And he knew he had to tell JC in a different
way. He might not like the real reason.

	"So, what do you two have planned?" JC started again. Justin
noticed that JC wanted to know a lot about Brian and his relationship. He
didn't know if he was trying to be a friend, or if this was some weird way
to try and get over the fact, but either way didn't make it easier to talk
about for Justin. He tried to answer JC as much as he could though, telling
him before that he didn't have to ask if he didn't want to know. And he
kept asking.

	"Well, I am not much up for I love yous on the phone, and I have
already got everything ready for me to." Justin sat there, trying to tell
JC what he had planned without making it seem like he was rubbing it in his
face that he would be alone.

	"Wow, I can't believe you are going to just. that's really great
for you guys. I am glad. glad that things are working out and all. You
needed it." JC laughed, a little nervously, but held his own. Justin simply
shook his head.

	"I wish you wouldn't do that to me, and yourself." Justin said
after they finished up laughing.

	"What?" JC asked.

	"I told you, I don't want to make this seem weird, and I don't
wanna feel bad about being with him because of us."

	"Listen, if it makes you uncomfortable to talk about you two, we
don't have to talk about it. I just want to know what is happening in your
life. I don't really get the low down as much anymore so I have to ask. But
that's cool." JC said a little sad that he had lost that aspect of the
friendship. But he went back to his chipper self as he continued.  "Listen,
I don't mean this to sound like it will, but let's face it, you are not
that hard to get over." JC laughed as he cracked on his friend. Justin
played around with his remarks, pouting a little, but couldn't keep a
straight face for long. "But hey really." JC said after the laugh had
ended. "Have fun. And you know my philosophy," JC said smiling as the
finished the sentence in unison.

	"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." They both laughed as all the
guys gradually return back and the session started.


	"So, things are getting better?" Amanda asked getting the whole
story the AJ had already shared with Justin.

	"Well, I mean nothing has changed. I still feel the same as I have
been feeling.  But I am in love, and with that guy, and I have two best
friends that a love more than anything..." AJ said flattering both Justin
and Amanda. "And the thing that I am still looking for, doesn't seem as
important as I spend more time with Kevin. When we came out to everyone and
all, we had a long talk afterward, and things have never been better.  Even
when we first started out and that was. DAMN!" AJ said laughing as Amanda
couldn't help but be happy for AJ.

	"Well, that's great. You know I am so happy for you. Like I said
before, I can't help but love you. And Lord knows I have tried." She said
joking as a knock on the door came.

	"I wonder who that is." AJ said getting up from his Indian position
he had had on the couch in front of Amanda. All the other guys had gone out
clubbing for the night, and he was too tired and wanted to spend the time
with Amanda. Amanda shrugged as she got up and went over to the door with
AJ.

	"Who's there?" AJ asked as he opened the door.

	"Boo!" The voice came through, as AJ stood there shocked.


	"What do you mean you came to surprise him!" AJ said smiling, as he
stood out in the hallway alone with Justin while they talked.

	"Well, I wanted us to be together and all for our first Valentine's
day and all."  Justin said smiling, a little embarrassed.

	"Oh man, he is going to flip out when he sees you. This is so
sweet. I can't believe you. That is so. sweet!" AJ repeated, as he was
impressed that Justin had flown all the way from France just to spend the
day with Brian.

	"Well, anyway, I am dead tried, and I don't want him to know I am
here until tomorrow, well maybe even tomorrow night so." AJ caught on as
Justin tried to ask him.

	"Yeah! Of course. I don't know what I am going to tell Kevin
though. He will think this was a bad move for you and all though just
because he thinks it would mean you could be found out. But hey, don't
worry about him. I will talk to him. Yeah, umm, c'mon. Let's get you a bed
huh?" AJ laughed as he headed back towards the door. "Oh wait." He said
turning around right into Justin.

	"What?" Justin asked as he stepped back off AJ.

	"Amanda is in there." AJ said like it should mean something to
Justin. It didn't as Justin stood there waiting for the rest. "Well, what
are you going to tell her? I mean you can't just say, `Oh I wanted to go
for a ride or something.'" AJ said making his point.

	"Well, I will just tell her. I'll tell her the truth. It's not a
big deal. It's just Amanda." Justin said like it was nothing. He just
wanted to be with Brian. He didn't care if some asked why he was here. AJ
nodded a little nervous and excited that Justin had done this for Brian.

	"Umm, ok. It's up to you." AJ turned and started to open it before
turning back around, right into Justin once more. "You know, this is so."

	"Sweet, yeah I know. Thanks." Justin said pushing the door making
sure it would get open this time.

	"Hey Amanda!" Justin said as he walked in with AJ.

	"Justin!! Hey. What are you doing here?" She yelled jumping up and
hugging the 19-year-old man.

	"Well, it's kinda a long story and I am so tired. Rush hour
flights, they are killer."  Justin said smiling. "I was just hoping to get
to bed right now." Amanda nodded, looking over at AJ.

	"Yeah, Justin, c'mon. I'll show you to the other bedroom." Justin
said good night to Amanda and followed AJ.

	"Here you go. If you need anything I will be in the other room with
Amanda. Just make yourself at home." AJ said pulling up the comforters
around Justin. Justin was already half asleep. He had made so much
preparation to get there, and was too nervous on the plane to sleep, he was
dead now.

	"AJ." Justin said groggily.

	"Yeah J." He said sitting down next to Justin.

	"Thanks for everything man. I appreciate you doing this for me. For
me and Brian." He said dozing off. AJ smiled and bent down and kissed
Justin's forehead softly.

	"Good night Justin. Get some rest." AJ pulled out of the room and
headed back to Amanda.


	"So, what was that all about?" Amanda asked as AJ returned to the
room.

	"A long story." AJ laughed falling back on the couch.

	"Oh, and am I going somewhere?" Amanda asked saying she had nothing
but time. AJ explained everything to her, going on the fact that Justin
said telling Amanda the truth was no big deal. She was surprised and
shocked to say the least, but like Justin said, she didn't care any
way. Around 11 she decided it was getting late, and she had just been
through AJ's story and Justin's so she was tired. It was good though,
because not long after she left, the Backstreet Boys decided to stumble
back in from the clubs.

	"Hey babe." Kevin said walking back into his room. AJ sat there,
cleaning up the stuff Amanda and himself had created.

	"Hey." AJ went over and gave Kevin a hug. "I love you." He said
holding on to Kevin. Kevin was taken back a little, but brought his arms
around AJ just the same.

	"What's up Alex?" Kevin asked holding on to his lover.

	"Guess who showed up here tonight?" AJ said pulling back. Kevin
looked at him and waited for the answer. AJ just brought his finger up and
signaled Kevin to follow him. Kevin followed AJ to the bedroom, wandering
what was going on. AJ opened the door slowly and quietly, and let AJ peer
in.

	"Is that.?" Kevin asked only seeing the curly hair above the
covers. AJ nodded.

	"Yeah, he came here on a flight straight from France. He said he
didn't want to be alone on Valentine's Day. He came here just to surprise
Brian." Kevin could hear the.  whatever it was in AJ's voice that
fascinated him so. It hurt him that another's acts caused him to do that,
and he never had. He put his arms around AJ though, and drew him close.

	"C'mon. Let's let him sleep." Kevin grabbed the door and shut it
softly. He led AJ back to the living area since the bed was given away. He
grabbed some blankets and pillows along the way, as he led AJ in
silence. He made the couch into their bed as AJ just sat in a chair. After
awhile Kevin and AJ lay down together on the makeshift bed.  The whole
thing had been done in silence and Kevin couldn't take it after they had
lain down.

	"AJ, you are happy right?" Kevin asked as he pulled AJ in his arms,
and drug him closer to his body. AJ turned a little to face Kevin.

	"Why would you even ask that?" AJ's voice was that of a smiling
confusion.

	"It's just, I know things have been a little weird lately, and
things have happened a lot faster these past weeks then they have the whole
time we have even been together, and then I heard your voice when you told
me why Justin was here. I have never heard you like that with me. Listen, I
know that I don't get to do all that I would like to, to be able to show
you that I love you, but I do. And if you want me to hope a plane and go
somewhere to prove that to you I would. I would do anything for you. I just
want you to make sure you know that. I love you. You are my everything."
Kevin poured his heart out as AJ lay listening in his arms.

	"Oh Kevin, I know. I would never doubt any of that. And I don't
need you do to anything to tell me you love me except be here for me and
say it every once in awhile.  It's just, I guess I was just so amazed that
Justin did that. I mean, I didn't know they were that serious. And yeah, I
guess I am little. jealous for lack of a better word. We kinda passed that
stage. We are past the spontaneous, do it out of love stuff. And I don't
mind because we are in that, yes I am sure I love you and I want to spend
my life with you stage, and that is better in every way, it's just there
are things I miss. But just don't worry about it. Just be with me. That's
all I want." AJ said kissing Kevin before he finally turned back around to
get some sleep.

	"Hey AJ?" Kevin asked once more.

	"Yeah?"

	"I love you." AJ smiled and closed his eyes. He knew it would be a
long day tomorrow.


	"C'mon. Get up. It is our day today. Alex. wake up." Kevin
whispered softly as he nudged AJ up.

	"I'm up. Leave me alone. I am up." AJ said finally sitting
up. Kevin laughed as he watched AJ open his eyes and realize it was
daytime. "Happy Valentine's Day babe."  Kevin said kissing AJ's cheek.

	"Yeah yeah yeah. Do we have coffee?" He said looking around the
room. Kevin laughed as he got up.

	"Man he is cranky in the morning." Justin said coming up from
behind the two lovers.

	"You are telling me? Try waking up to it every morning." Kevin
laughed hugging AJ.

	"No, that's OK. Thanks though." AJ tried to get in the conversation
still trying to wake up.

	"Hey, what's wrong with me?" He said finally able to comprehend
what was going on around him. Kevin and AJ both laughed as they all got
up. Justin had walked into the living area dressed and showered and ready
to start his day. He told the guys he had some things to setup and he would
catch them later. He thanked AJ one more time before leaving them alone. AJ
filled in Kevin with everything, making sure he didn't say anything to
Brian when they went to work that day. After that, they ordered some
breakfast and got ready to start their day.

	It was no easy day for anyone. Justin struggled to find everything
to make Valentine's perfect and the Boys had interview after signing after
interview. It was tiring after awhile. Brian was enjoying it though because
it kept his mind of Justin. They hadn't talked since he left that day in
Germany. He was too scared to call Justin, and didn't want to seem
clingy. He was also a little upset Justin hadn't wanted to talk to him
enough to call. He put it behind him though as he tried to concentrate on
anything else. It was hard though with AJ and Kevin being lovey dovey every
chance they got and Nick having Mandy on the phone all day. At least Howie
understood him, but he didn't know how much as Howie kept disappearing to
use the phone. He knew he should call Justin. He was the older one in the
relationship. And he was the one who left France to come to England. It
wasn't up to him, but still. He had to shake that thought several times as
he decided that he would wait until tonight to call Justin, and try to make
things alright. The day was long though as he waited until he could call
Justin.

	"Well, see you later guys. You two have fun tonight and whatever."
Brian said sadly as he began to depart Kevin and AJ's company. AJ felt bad
for him, and didn't know when he could expect the change, because he didn't
know what Justin had planned.  He did know that Brian would be happier at
least when he got to see him.


	"Oh, hey JC. Umm, I was kinda looking for Justin. Do you know where
he is?"  Brian asked shyly. He was really embarrassed at reaching JC,
especially after what had happened between the two and Justin. JC seemed
fine though as he dished out the lie Justin had made for him.

	"Oh, hey Brian. Actually, he is busy. He has been doing stuff all
week, like more so than anyone has. It is like he is trying to earn brownie
points. It is kinda sad. But anyway, I am not even sure when he will get
back to the hotel. But, I will write him a note and all and see that he
calls you if it's not too late." Brian sighed, as he was mad Justin was out
of his reach.

	"You know what, don't tell him I called. I will. I'll just call him
later. Thanks."  With that Brian hung up not waiting for JC to respond. JC
couldn't help but feel bad for him. Even though he knew Justin was there to
surprise him, Brian felt bad now. He hated to have to hear that in
someone's voice. He hated it because it was a sound that had been with him
for awhile.

	"Well, I guess I should just get some sleep. It's a long flight
tomorrow. I get to see Justin though. That is if he is not too busy. I
would hate to think that I was interfering with something important." Brian
was getting a little antsy as he spoke to himself. As soon as he closed his
eyes though Justin's face appeared. It had been like that all week.  And
now that Justin was no where to be reached, he hated the fact of having to
look at him and not talk to him, to touch him. Then, his thoughts were
interrupted by a knock at the door. He hated that, as he got up and turned
the lights on. "This better be important."  Brian said as he got up after
he just lay down. He opened the door to find no one there.  Instead, taped
to the door was a letter.


Brian,


	I have a special gift for you. I hope you like it. It is waiting
for you two rooms down on the left. Come unwrap it.


Love Always ~


	Brian looked at the card in confusion. `Who left this?" He thought
as he looked around the hallway. There was no moment as he looked down at
the door specified. He shrugged his shoulders as he closed his door, and
headed down to the one two doors done. Brian faced the door and stood
there, not knowing what to do. He knocked lightly, still confused about
what was going on. He had just lay down and then everything got weird after
that. Secret notes, `gifts', secret admirers. He had so many questions as
he heard the doorknob jiggling. He couldn't help but feel some were
answered, and more were made as he heard that al familiar voice..

	"SURPRISE!"


TBC

OK, sorry that took so long but hey; I have had things to do. But here you
go. Well, go now and write e-mail. Until then, c-ya laters. Peace.