Date: Tue, 23 May 2000 01:07:03 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jay Chords <chords4@yahoo.com>
Subject: Deceiving Secrets - 1

Hey, this is my first attempt at a gay male fiction
story involving a boy band. Woo hoo! New challenge!
Anyways, please be gentle with your criticism :)

Disclaimer: I think y'all know the drill. I have NO
clue if anyone in the BSB is gay.  Would be
interesting tho, wouldn't it?

Anyways, I really hope that y'all enjoy the story.
Send any comments, questions, or hateful letters to :
chords4@yahoo.com  On with the story!  *trumpeting*
(hehe)

-Jay

Chapter 1


	Jeremy looked around at his new accommodations.
	"Perfect," he grinned and flopped down on the couch with
exhaustion.
	"Jeremy?" Chad called.
	"Yes?"
	"Come'ere a second, Baby."  Jeremy groaned.
	"Why?" he whined.
	"Come help me with the bed."  Jeremy got a new-found rush of
energy and met his lover in the new master bedroom.  Chad pinned
Jeremy down and invaded his mouth with his eager tongue.  Jeremy
moaned with the intrusion, lovingly sucking on Chad's lower lip.
Chad began sucking on his neck.  One of Jeremy's many weaknesses.
	"Oh Chad," he moaned.  "I love you so much."
	"I love you too, Beautiful."  Chad's voice was thick with lust and
yearning.
	"Make love to me," Jeremy pleaded in the back of his throat.
Chad grinned and kissed Jeremy before lowering himself on the
younger boy.

	That had been two weeks ago.  Jeremy felt tears stream down
his face as he gazed at his lover's picture.
	"Why did you leave?" Jeremy spat out bitterly.

	"I'll be right back sweetie," Chad kissed Jeremy and grabbed the
keys to his red corvette.
	"Don't be long," Jeremy returned the kiss and waved as Chad
walked out the door.  Forever.

	"Bastard!" Jeremy screamed to thin air and threw the picture
against the wall.  Shards of glass landed on the floor as Jeremy sank
to the same couch and wept.  The alcohol that was running through
his system left him feeling dizzy and disoriented.  Jeremy never
drank.  At least Chad had left him something to mend his shredded
heart.

	It was one thing to be left by you're lover, but it was another
level of pain, when it was your best friend since your days of diapers.
The man who'd stood by Jeremy's side when his mother died of
cancer.  The man who stood by Jeremy's side when he waved to his
father, as he left when Jeremy was only 4 and a half years old.  The
man who had come out to him and confessed his undying love.

	"J-jeremy?"  Chad's voice was shaking on the line.
	"Are you okay, Chad?"  Jeremy had been worried about his best
friend.  He had been so distant and withdrawn.
	"No.  Can you meet me there?"
	"Of course. Bye."  The place Chad spoke of, was a simple stream
that ran through the woods, separating the boys' houses.   Jeremy
grabbed his jacket and ran out the back door.  It was two days until
Chad's 16th birthday.

	"Chad?" Jeremy called, fear obvious in his voice.  He heard
muffled sobs coming from the distance.   "Chad?" he repeated.
	"Jeremy?"  He ran to his best friend's side.  Chad sobbed into
Jeremy's shoulder, dampening the cloth of his jacket.
	"Chad, what's wrong, buddy?"  Jeremy looked deep into Chad's
eyes.  "Tell me what's wrong.  You can trust me."  Chad just shook his
head.
	"I can't tell anyone! You'll hate me."
	"Hate you? How can I hate my best friend? We've been through
too much for me to hate you now.  What could be so awful for me to
hate you?"  Jeremy always tried to crack a joke to lighten the mood
but Chad still shook with sobs.
	"This isn't like anything we've been through."
	"That it'll be a new challenge, then."  Chad looked up at Jeremy,
tears pouring down his flesh.
	"You promise?"
	"You have my word."  Chad took a deep breath and sat down on
an old stump.
	"IÉ" Jeremy was quiet, careful not to interrupt his friend.  "I'm
gay," he whispered but loud enough for Jeremy to hear.
	"Excuse me?"
	"See!" Chad stood up, exasperated.  "I knew you would hate
me!"  Jeremy couldn't help the giggle that escaped his lips.
	"That's it? That was the big and horrible news you had to tell
me?"  Chad nodded.  "Chad. It's no big deal."
	"No big deal.  No big deal! It is a fucking big deal!  Society
doesn't exactly smile down upon the homosexual population.  God,
what is my mother going to say? This is a sin!"  Jeremy took Chad's
hand.
	"Listen to me, Chad."  He knew better than to interrupt when
Jeremy was about to make a speech.  "God loves every human being
and creature on this Earth.  If God didn't want you to be gay or
anyone to be gay, you wouldn't be.  God makes you the way you are.
Never forget that you are more God's child than you are your
mother's.  As for society, society sucks," Jeremy smiled as Chad
giggled and sniffed.  At least he had gotten a giggle out of him.
	"A-are you sure?"
	"Have I ever lied to you?"  Chad shook his head slowly.  "Than
what other proof do you need?"  Chad smiled and hugged his friend.
	"Thank you, Jeremy."
	"No problem.  I love you, bro."  Chad got very quiet again.  "Uh
oh.  What else haven't you told me?"
	"IÉumÉ" Chad stuttered.  "I've loved you for the past 10 years."
That left Jeremy a bit stunned.
	"Are you serious?"  Chad nodded.  Jeremy was still holding
Chad's hand, a hand that was now gripping onto his.  He looked down
and smiled.  This felt right.  Jeremy smiled at Chad and leaned
forward.  That first kiss they exchanged, changed both of their lives
forever.

	Jeremy's eyes glistened with fresh tears as he saw something
lying on the table.  With trembling fingers, Jeremy grasped the object
and gazed at it's sleek exterior.  His eyes were brimming with fresh
tears as he opened the knife.  His brain was fogged with confusion
and wonder.  It seemed to bring light to the dark room.  Jeremy
brought the glistening beauty to his arm and violently slashed at the
flesh.  More wonder fogged his mind.  It didn't hurt.  Something that
didn't hurt!  Jeremy's hands were covered with his own blood.
	"What have I done?" he whispered as his head hit the arm of the
couch, and his brain shut off.


	Jeremy walked into the office, his head held high.  His secret
shame was concealed behind a cotton wall.
	"Morning," Scott greeted. Jeremy vocaled his reply.  The smile
made his face muscles burn.  That damn smile that he hid behind.

	"Wow Jeremy! You look great!" Mica beamed at him.
	"Cut the crap!" he ordered and disappeared in his office.  Mica
was at his heels.
	"Okay, what the hell is going on?" she was the only one who
could see past the smile.  She was the only one who knew about Chad.
	"The same shit that's been going on for the last week." That's
when it hit him.  Chad had only left a week ago.  Mica sighed and
hugged him.
	"Honey, I know you're hurting and you miss him but can you
can do so much better than him.  He was an ass hole and you deserve
a prince."  Jeremy got up and paced the room.
	"That's just it though.  He wasn't an ass hole.  Mica, he was
perfect!  The way he held me, kissed me, told me he loved me, and
how, how he made love to me.  It was all so perfect," he said softly.
	"What about all the times he snubbed you to go out with some
buddies and get drunk.  How many times has he broken your heart?
Little by little.  All those times you've given up plans to cower over
Chad when he had a little hang over.  And that time he ra.."
	"Don't even say it!" Jeremy said bitterly.  "He didn't.  He was
drunk.  He didn't know what he was doing.  He apologized."
	"Best friends don't hurt best friends."
	"We stopped being best friends when we were 16."  Mica hugged
Jeremy close to her. "And you don't just leave.  You don't leave for, for
a women," he spat out the word like it was poison.  Mica just hugged
him tighter.
	"I'm sorry he's putting you through so much pain. You listen to
me though," she took his face in her hands.  "You don't deserve this
pain.  You do deserve a prince," she nodded toward his wall.  Jeremy
followed her gaze and blushed.  Kevin Richardson's stern but calm
face peered back at him.
	"It'll never happen, Mica."
	"How do you know? Even if it doesn't, you deserve someone like
him."
	"You don't know that.  You don't know him, Mica.  He could be
a complete ass for all I know.  All I know, is what everyone else sees.
What the record company commercializes."  Mica kissed his cheek.
	"You never know," was all she said before disappearing out of
the room and to her own desk.  Jeremy sighed and sat down at his
desk.  He put his head in his hands and choked back a sob.

	There was a loud knock on Jeremy's door.
	"Come in," he said mindlessly as he sifted through some
company contracts.
	"I have something that might cheer you up," Mica smiled.
	"Uh oh.  I'm scared to know," Jeremy pretended to cringe.  She
just slapped him on the shoulder.
	"Fine, I guess I'll just have to find someone else who'll
appreciate these tickets and backstage passes.  I wonder if my niece
would like to goÉ"  She babbled, leaving the office to make the call.
Jeremy followed behind her.
	"What kind of tickets?"
	"Oh, some band.  Buckwater, no.  Backtrot, noÉWhat was that
nameÉ?"
	"B-backstreet Boys?"  Mica snapped her fingers, dramatically.
	"That's it!  I knew it was something like that.  Anyway, wanna
go?  Apparently these are phenomenal seats at such late notice."
Jeremy swung her around in his arms.  "I'll take that as a yes," she
giggled.   Jeremy just grinned and nodded enthusiastically.
	"When is it?"
	"Tomorrow night.  I'll pick you up around 4: 30."  Jeremy just
nodded and hugged her again before going into his office.
	"Oh? Mica?" he stuck his head back out.
	"Yes dear?" she giggled.
	"How did you get those tickets?" he inquired.  He saw the star in
her eye.
	"Oh you know little ole me.  I just kind of stumbled upon these
things."
	"Seriously."
	"I've got connections, sweetie.  Never you mind where I got
them, exactly.  Just come and enjoy the show."
	"Thanks Mikey."
	"Don't thank me yet, honey."
	"Okay.  You're the bomb baby."  Mica laughed.
	"I'll take that one now get back to work."
	"Yes ma'am," he shouted and saluted, spinning back around to
his desk.  "Maybe this week wont be so bad," he grinned and began
work with a real smile.

	"I'm gonna see the Backstreet Boys.  I'm gonna see the
Backstreet Boys," Jeremy sang softly as he left the office the next day
and on the drive home.  "Hello, Atchika!"  Jeremy ruffled the fur of
his tiny Shih Tzu.  She licked his hand in reply before falling back to
sleep.

	Jeremy stripped off his clothes to the beat of `The One'.  It was
blaring through his stereo system.  Jeremy brushed his teeth as he
waited for the water from the shower to heat up to his liking.  He
whistled and stepped under the warm spray as it cascaded down his
muscled back.

	He sighed as he massaged the shampoo into his blonde hair.
He shuffled under the spray as the bubbles soon disappeared down
the drain.  Jeremy grabbed a cloth and poured soap onto it.
Mindlessly, he ran it over his body in long, slow strokes, until it ran
over his left arm.  The cloth fell to the shower floor as he clutched as
the wounded skin.  Memories from two nights before flashed through
his mind.  Jeremy bit his lip and finished his shower in a flourish.  He
wrapped a towel around his thin hips and softly wiped the water from
his arm.  They looked more gruesome that he would have liked to
remember.  So many of them.  Staring at him through closed eyes.  He
sighed and went to look for something to wear that would hide his
enemy.  Luckily, they were on his upper arm, so a short sleeve shirt
wouldn't betray him.  He pulled on a black t-shirt and slid on a pair of
boxer briefs.  He pulled on a pair of wide-legged jeans and his
sandals.  He looked at himself and smiled.  Not bad.  Jeremy
pampered his hair until the blonde locks fell perfectly just below his
ears.  The scream of the doorbell brought new butterflies to his
stomach.  Tonight.