Date: Sat, 07 Aug 2004 12:35:47 +1000
From: Daniel M <brisboi82@hotmail.com>
Subject: degree my love 07

DISCLAIMER:
Over a year off and I still hate this part... alright here we go. If you
are under 18 (or 21 depends on your local legal system) please avoid this
as I accept no responsibilty should ya mama walk in and catch you chokin'
the chicken to this. If you are offended by M/M concepts I think ya in the
wrong place! Why not go to Disney.com? I claim no knowledge of the personal
lives of mentioned celebrities within this fictional piece. I am not
associatedwith Univeral records (or any other record company for that
matter). No Goldfish were harmed in the making of this story! 

AUTHOR'S CHAT:
There is so much I could have to chat about here, but then I guess that'd
defeat the purpose of a chat wouldn't it. Hmm... it's still to early and I
think I need more coffee. If I seem a little bit weirder than usual in
writing this chapter I'm like really sorry but work has gotten to me and
I'm like fully not with it. I'd do an evil laugh but still not enough
coffee in my system. I've found it very evil having blood in my caffine
system. Told you I'm in a weird mood today didn't I. Have you ever had one
of those days where you just wonder if all this is worth it? Relationship
where nothing is going right, working on a Saturday and trying to figure
out what size ladies heel you are. Yes, I get more bizare every couple of
entries. For those who aren't used to... swallow a few prozac and then a
vallium and you'll get the idea 

AUTHOR'S THANKS:
Thank you to Nifty for allowing me to post on this wonderful site along
with so many other talented writers. Thank you to Danny. You are my twin
man...love you! Steve... you've been there for me through the hardest times
and through the best times. You are an angel in disguise. I don't care what
you do for a job... I still love you. Brad... you and your kids are
amazing... and you put up with my moods while writing for weeks on end. You
even put up with me first thing in the morning ... marry me? LOL. Your
insight is amazing and I'd be lost without it.Now go and make me another
bloody coffee! Mandy, my saviour, confident, friend and everything else
thrown in the mix.  

I love you girl! Aunty Normy... an aunt with a penis (and a big one at that
- shit did I say that?) where would I be without you? Probably still
sane. Coffee or prozac for breakfast? Chrissy, I love you, take care of
yourself for me, I'll be home in September. Lastly, my Little Dragon, you
know who you are... love you eternally, just smile and I have a reason to
wake up in the mornin. 

RECOMMENDED READ:

Shut Up - (boy bands) - It's another 98 Degrees story. Again with the
charming Nick Lachey attached... and no I'm not drooling over him! Gimme
Jeff any day.

My Everything - (boy bands) - charming story with Nick Lachey nad non-celeb
called Sean. Very fast paced... just the way I like it. Stories that
is... now go fetch your minds from the gutter people!

Search and Rescue - (boy bands) - One of the best stories I have ever read
on Nifty. I'm in two minds though at the moment seeing as Matt is dead :o(
, but JC is still around so it's not all bad :o)

Looking For Love In All The Right Place - (boy bands) - JC story (can't
compare to JC Dreams) but is still fantastic read. Sorry Dreamy... had to
say it. Love the story and the writer.

Everytime - (boy bands) - Another 98 Degrees story with Nick Lachey in it.
Waiting on an update -=hint hint=-

Bodyguard - (beginings) - Just a lovely story to read. By the same author
(Craigger) as Everytime. He's actually very talented y'know (read this as
his cheque didn't bounce hehe).

FEEDBACK: brisboi82@hotmail.com - messenger attatched to this email so feel
free to add me. If you email me, can you please note in the subject that
you are writing in relation to this story.


The Story:

Degree My Love 07
by
Sun Child

Turning in his chair to look away, Mark lowered his eyes to avoid Jeff's
gaze for fear of either striking him or falling to the floor in tears.

   "Are you at least going to talk to me?" Asked Jeff.

   "And say what? Your body language with Nathan was it? That said more
than enough." Seethed Mark as he looked from the ground to Jeff's face.

   "I made a mistake, please. I can't go through this without you at my
side. I need your shoulder, I need to offer mine to you. These past weeks
and months where you haven't been with me... they've been the hardest of my
life.  I need you at my side."

   "What the hell is that meant to mean?" Mark said raising his voice.

    "It means I was scared. It means that..."

    "It means you were a cunt."

   "What more do you want from me. I know I made a mistake but surely you
can start to forgive me one day? I will do anything..."

   "Do anything or anyone?" Mark asked harshly. Jeff hung his head, shame
written across his face.

   "I was scared. I was terrified ok. I have never had such an overwhelming
feeling of being with someone so completely. Can't you understand that?"
Jeff said, his voice starting to rise.

   "I am well aware of what it feels like, I did give myself to you didn't
I?" Mark snarled.

   "Here I was thinking I was going to have to explain that we don't all
try to run over the people we are supposedly in love with." Jeff spat back.
Mark sank back in his chair.

   "Get out." Mark said quietly and dangerously.

   "Mark please..." Jeff began.

   "He said get out." Said Ryan from behind Jeff. Jeff turned around.

   "This has nothing to do with you."

   "Oh this has everything to do with me. You leave him ALONE!" Ryan
yelled, punching Jeff in the jaw.

   "Get out all three of you. The customers are leaving because of your
commotion back here." Rachel barked from the office doorway.

   "Rach, please escort them out, I have paper work to do." Mark said
turning his char back to his desk.

   "No, you go too. You aren't fit to run this store in this state." Mark
looked up and glared at Rachel, as if daring her to say more. Rachel stood
back and crossed her arms, a look of defiance flickering across her face.

   "Don't try me Rach." Mark said forcefully. Rachel marched forwards,
through Mark's bag onto his lap and started to roll him out the door. Mark
put his feet on the ground and stood.

   "I can walk, you've made your point, leave me alone." Mark barked. With
that, he stood and marched out of the store.


Walking into the parking lot, he found Jeff following him. Turning on heel
he turned to confront Jeff.

   "Haven't you said enough?" He asked hotly.

   "I haven't said anything."

   "You're anything is obviously very different to mine. I asked you right
back when if I was just one in a string and you said no. Then I call your
cell phone and speak to NATHAN. Or isn't Nathan anything either?" Jeff shot
back.

   "I told you why that happened. It doesn't make it any better, but at
least you know why now."

   "Excuses are like condoms, every cunt has one." Mark snapped.

   "Will you let me try and make it up to you?" Begged Jeff, anger still
tarnishing his voice.

   "How about no? How about you go back to wherever it was you crawled
from? How about..." Mark's cell phone shrieked in his pocket.

   "Hello? Yeh hang on Chuckles." Mark handed the phone to Jeff then turned
back on his heel and climbed into his car. Jeff banged on the window, which
only enticed Mark to turn the stereo up louder as he started the car and
drove off.


Walking into the house he dropped everything at the door and turned to walk
down the hall. Shedding his clothes as he went. Dressed only in his boxer
briefs he climbed into bed, wetting the pillow as he slowly cried his hurt
away.


Mark was awoken at some point later when he felt a body lie down next to
him. Rolling over he found Ryan lying there.

   "What are you doing in here?" Asked Mark. Ryan arched an eyebrow.

   "Take a look around. It's not your bedroom." Mark turned his head
recognising all of Ryan's furniture.

   "I'm sorry, I was upset... " Ryan put a finger to Mark's lips.

   "It's ok. The joke with Anita and I is that this is your comfort
room. You know I don't mind." Mark smiled sadly and cuddled into Ryan
kissing him gently.

   "Thank you." Mark said quietly. Ryan looked at Mark surprised.

   "What do you have to thank me for?" Mark slid his hand over Ryan's
chest.

   "Comfort, warmth, compassion, love and honesty." Ryan leant down and
kissed Mark again gently.

   "You never have to thank me for that, I give it freely." Mark smiled and
cuddled in close again, closing his eyes.


When Mark awoke again he found Ryan sitting in an arm chair slightly away
just watching him.

   "Hey Ry, what's up?" He asked sleepily. Ryan looked away for a while.

   "Was just watching you sleep. You looked so peaceful. YOu didn't have
the lines of worry all over your face." Ryan said finally.

   "Yeh, I was asleep." Offered Mark, confused.

   "It was something I wish you could have all the time. I wish you could
not have to worry about the store, not worry about sales, not worry about
Jeff, not worry about what is happening with the house, not worry about the
car. I wish I could give you a place where you never have to worry again."
Ryan said, speaking clearly what was on his mind.

   "I'll be fine Ry. You don't have to worry about that."

   "I do though. I worry about you a lot. You say you're ok but are you?
You carry a lot of weight, and you're still so young. I know people who
don't have these many troubles and are nearly thrity."

   "I have never done things the easy way Ry. You know that." Mark smiled
warmly. Ryan got off his chair and sat down beside Mark on the bed.

   "Then Jeff walks in and fucks it all right up."

   "What's wrong Ry. Were you jealous?" Ryan looked at Mark shocked, then
lowered his eyes.

   "I was a little. He came in and took Mark away. I'd always had you for
myself and never had to share you before. If things had gone on further,
what would have happened? Would you have moved out, would he have moved in,
would you have sold the house?" Ryan said voicing his fears. Mark reached
over and hugged his friend close.

   "Ryan, I would never have sold this house without talking to Neets and
you first."

   "Would you have left me here and gone with him somewhere else?" Asked
Ryan, his sad brown eyes looking up at Mark. Mark's heart melted.

   "I would never have left you Ry. Just like I would ever leave Neets. I
love you both too much. You're both stuck with me."

   "Who ever finally settles down with you is going to be one helluva lucky
guy Mark." Ryan said hugging Mark close, kissing him softly once more. Mark
smiled at Ryan.

   "The same can be said for you Ry."

   "Please, you know I can't manage that whole relationship thing. I'm
having to much fun at the moment."

   "I know, that's why on your headstone we're putting "lived on backseats"
and I will make sure I remember not to put flowers by your grave, I'll make
sure it's seat covers."

   "Bite me Puritan. I know you enjoy being single at the best of times."

   "I don't get a choice most of the time." Mark said looking at Ryan.

   "There are a few guys out there who watch you every time we go
out. Thinking of going out. It's a Friday night, we haven't been out since
you and Jeff split. How about we go and get putrid? Anita's turn to drive."
Mark smiled.

   "Yeh why not. The last time we drank was when we went out with
Jeff. Anita was the one who was rotten wasn't she? That's right she bitched
about the drinks we bought her glowing under UV lights. By the end of the
nights she was sure that they didn't need the UV lights to glow."

   "Well let's see if we can get you that messed up." Grinned Ryan
evilly. Mark smiled and walked out the door to his bedroom. Ryan sighed and
fell back on the bed.

   "Why can't I just tell him I love him?"


Anita moaned at the news of heading out that evening.

   "Why do I have to drive two drunk fags about?"

   "Because I was taxi last time." Said Ryan

   "And I've been taxi so many times before I've lost count." Mark
countered.

   "Aren't you working tomorrow?" Asked Anita looking at Mark.

   "Not anymore, I called in before saying I wasn't coming in." Mark
smiled.

   "Fine, anyone throws up on the backseat, they're licking it up." Anita
sighed throwing her hands in the air. Mark and Ryan looked at each other in
triumph.


Walking into the club Mark and Ryan made a beeline for the bar while Anita
went to find a place to sit and watch. As Mark and Ryan made their way
over, Ryan yanked sharply on Mark's elbow. Mark looked at him eyebrow
arched.

   "What are you up to?"

   "Just wanted to see what was over here first." Mark looked over and saw
Justin sitting with Anita.

   "It's only Justin, it's not the entire Brady Bunch, it's cool." Mark
said starting to move off.

   "There was something else..." Ryan said. Mark turned and looked him, his
hair falling into his eyes.

   "Yeah what's up Ry?"

   "I don't know, I wanted to tell you earlier. I wanted to tell you at
home. I just don't know how."

   "Tell me as if you would any other thing."

   "It's a little more intricate then that." Ryan tried. Mark smiled and
wrapped his arm around Ryan's shoulder.

   "Why not have a few drinks and see if that helps you?" Ryan smiled back
and nodded. The pair then headed over to where Anita was cuddled up to
Justin. Sitting down Justin nodded hello to Ryan and Mark. Anita excused
herself to go powder her nose and dragged Ryan with her, leaving Justin and
Mark sitting together. Mark looked down to his drink waiting for the
conversation he knew was coming.

   "I don't blame you for leaving him man." Justin said softly. Mark's head
jerked up.

   "Um, ok." Was all Mark could think to say dumbfounded. Justin laughed at
Mark's reaction.

   "I take it that isn't what you expected me to say. I can understand
where you are coming from though. If Anita did that to me, I'd leave her as
well. I will tell you though, Jeff is beating himself up more than you
think over it. I'm not saying this is a reason to take him back. I've told
him it's his own fault. I've never seen Jeff drink like he has since you
left, or spend so much time away from Nick and Drew. They're normally like
the three stooges." Mark looked down.

   "I don't know what to do Justin. I miss him, I guess I still love him,
but I just don't trust him anymore."

   "Do you really think you're in with love him? Or is it that you are in
love with the idea of being in love?" Justin asked.

   "I asked myself that so many times after everything happened. I went
through a period of telling myself I was deluding myself, but in the end I
realised that I was in love with him." Mark admitted looking down into his
drink, before lifting it to his lips and taking a big gulp, feeling his
throat constrict with the burning.

   "So do you think you can at least talk to him?" Justin asked.

   "I have to." Mark said. "He has my phone." Justin placed it on the
table.

   "Actually no I do. He gave it to me when we finally found him here."
Mark's head jerked up and looked around.

   "Here as in."

   "No, not at the club. Nick and Drew have him at the hotel dressing him
down for just disappearing on us. It didn't take a lot to guess where he
was. When you handed your phone to him when Drew called we were at the
airport hoping he was here and we weren't wrong." Justin looked down.

   "I actually have to apologise to you." Justin said. Mark looked at
Justin in surprise and opened his mouth to ask why but Justin spoke up
first.

   "I was the one who introduced Jeff to Nathan. I didn't realise that was
going to happen, but I made the introduction, and I can't help but feel I'm
too blame."

   "Don't worry about it Justin. I introduced him to Ryan and he never
slept with Ryan. I'm sure there are other people you've introduced him
to. None of us had any idea he was like that."

   "That's the thing Mark. He's normally not like that. I've never seen him
do that before."

   "Justin, how many guys has he been with while he's been on tour?"

   "Two. You and Nathan. He broke up with his ex about eighteen months ago
and hasn't looked at anyone since. Well until you anyways." Mark picked up
his drink and downed the last.

   "Here's to total and utter confusion." He toasted lightly. Looking up,
he saw Anita and Ryan moving back to the table, drinks in hand. Anita sat
next to Justin and Ryan squeezed in close to Mark and wrapped a protective
arm around his shoulder.


As the night drew on, the drinks kept flowing and Mark, Ryan and Justin
slowly got more and more intoxicated. Ryan finally felt himself brave
enough and prayed that he wouldn't remember in the morning when he grabbed
Mark's hand and motioned.

   "Let's dance." Ryan led Mark to the dancefloor and started to move. Mark
looked at Ryan.

   "So you ready to tell me what's up?" Ryan looked at Mark, thought for a
moment then moved right up close.

   "It's nothing bad I promise." Mark nodded.

   "So what is it?" Ryan looked down then put his hands on either side of
Mark's face and pulled him forwards to kiss him. Mark felt his lips meet
with Ryan's and resisted for a moment then gave way and started to kiss
Ryan back. When they finally seperated, Mark looked at Ryan.

   "I don't know what to say..." He looked out over the dance floor and saw
Jeff standing there scanning the crowd for them. Mark grabbed Ryan's hand
and led him deeper into the crowd, then out the other side. Ryan looked at
Mark confused when they came to a stop. Mark pointed in Jeff's
direction. Ryan nodded understanding.

   "What do you think, you don't hate me do you?" Asked Ryan. Mark pulled
Ryan close and felt his eyes wet with warmth from feelings that bombarded
him without warning or hesitation.

   "I could never hate you Ryan. I don't know that we'd work as a couple."
Ryan looked down.

   "That's not to say we couldn't try." Ryan looked up grinning. Mark
grabbed Ryan's hands.

   "I just need to deal with Jeff first." Ryan looked down dejected.

   "Against him I won't win Mark. You're still in love with him."

   "I also love you." Mark said. Ryan leant against Mark and cuddled
close. In his pocket Mark's cell started to vibrate, impossible to hear
over the music. Pulling it out of his pocket he looked at the ID and
answered it quickly.

   "Where are you?" Mark called over the music. Hearing the reply he looked
up and tried to spot the caller in the crowd.

   "By the cocktail bar." He called through to the caller. When he finally
spied who he was looking for he grabbed her and hugged her close.

   "How are you Lani Girl?" She nodded as Ryan wrapped his arms around
Mark's waist.

   "You two finally together?" She asked. Ryan shook his head.

   "Not yet. Working on it though." He smiled. Looking around Lani turned
and asked

   "Where's Neets?" Mark dropped his head then looked back up.

   "She's up with Jeff." Lani's face hardened.

   "He's here?" Mark nodded. Lani grabbed his hand and started to drag him.

   "No one fucks with my cousin and get's away with it." Stumbling through
the crowd they found the table. When the group saw who was storming up
Anita sprang from her seat to give Lani a hug.

   "Hey girl, long time no see." Lani smiled at Anita.

   "Been a while Neets. Where's Jeff?" Anita looked down then back at the
table. The group was sitting there mouths open. Drew sprang to his feet.

   "Wow, Alanis Morissette. It's amazing to meet you." She smiled politely
until she spotted Jeff and waved her hand so he would come to her. Jeff got
off the chair and walked up to her.

   "You have a lot of nerve showing up here." Jeff looked at her
amazed. She took a step back then slapped his face.

   "Don't you ever fuck with my family again." Jeff looked from Alanis to
Mark and back.

   "Told you that you'd wash your 'hands clean' of me." Mark said with
contempt. Ryan rested his hand on Mark's shoulder. Mark reached up and put
his hand on top of Ryan's. Looked down then back up at Alanis.

   "Want a drink Lani?" She smiled and nodded. They head off together to
the bar. Drew looked at Jeff.

   "You didn't realise his cousin was Alanis?" Jeff shook his head in
shock.

   "Lani is short for Alanis. You've been there when he's spoken to her
before. Now why don't you leave? Haven't you done enough damage to his
life?" Ryan asked, his contempt barely concealed. Jeff turned around.

   "Why are you jealous? Jealous that I got to the love of your life before
you did?" Jeff asked cruelly.

   "Jealous of you? Jealous that I threw away the best thing in my life? I
hardly think so." The next thing Ryan knew was Jeff's fist connecting with
his jaw. Ryan staggered back then came flying back at Jeff and started to
beat him. Mark flew over and pulled Ryan off Jeff along with Drew. Ryan
went to hit him again then realised Mark was holding him back. Drew flew to
Jeff's side.

   "How about we go home?" Mark asked Ryan quietly brushing the hair off
his face. Ryan nodded. Lani joined them a moment later along with Anita.

   "Where's Justin?" Asked Mark.

   "I think he's with the boys." Mark nodded. Walking to the car Justin
joined them a few minutes later.

   "They're screaming murder, I'm telling them that it was deserved. I'm a
traitor at the moment." Justin said shrugging.

   "You know you're always welcome at home." Mark said. Justin smiled and
nodded.


Walking into the house Lani looked at Mark.

   "You don't mind me crashing do you?"

   "And have a world famous singer stay in my home... like oh totally
wow. Oh yeah, hi Justin." Laughed Mark. Looking at Lani he spoke again.

   "Sure, you have my room, I'll crash in with Ryan." Lani smiled and
winked then kissed her cousin on the head then headed off to bed, followed
shortly by Anita and Justin who went to their room. Mark led Ryan gently to
the kitchen where he pulled some frozen peas from the freezer and put it
against Ryan's jaw where Jeff had hit him. Ryan leant his forehead again
Mark's.

   "I'm sorry for spoiling your night."

   "Wasn't just my night Ryan. It was for both of us. I'm more worried
about Justin and what the guys are going to do to him now." Ryan shrugged.

   "Justin's a big boy, I'm sure he'll be fine." Mark kissed Ryan on the
forehead. Taking the peas off his jaw, Ryan pulled away from the bench and
wrapped his arms around Mark's waist and rested his head on Mark's shoulder
and stood there, his eyes closed. He felt Mark wraps his arms around his
own waist. Smiling he stood back then looked at Mark.

   "Let's go to bed baby." Ryan gently took Mark's hand and led him to the
bedroom.


Standing in the half light of the bedroom, they slowly undressed each
other. Crawling into bed, Ryan started to rub at Mark's chest and kiss his
neck. Mark arched his back and moaned.


---
Well there's a twist. Feedback always welcome
Brisboi82@hotmail.com
Love and all that, SC xx