Date: Thu, 30 Mar 2000 00:05:00 EST
From: MrClean290@aol.com
Subject: Destiny 14

Destiny
Disclaimer: I think yall know it by now, for details, see prev chaps

This was a very hard chappie for me to write so please tell me what you
think of it when you finish.  Thanks, you know where to send it dont you?
MrClean290@aol.com


	Chapter 14


Nick paced his room.  The tour had been going on for about two months and
he was getting tired.  He walked as he waited for Lance, Brian, and AJ to
come back to the room.  They needed to talk, actually Nick needed to talk.
As he walked, he planned his speech.


	" Nick?"
	" Hey."
	" You wanted to talk to me?"
	" Yeah, but we're waiting for Bri and AJ."
	" We're here."
	" Sit."
	" Okay…."


Lance sat on the bed in silence.  He knew Nick was about to tell Brian and
AJ about the rape, but by the way Nick was acting around him, he sensed
that there was more to the story.


	" What I'm about to say, Lance already knows, as does Fatima, but
she is busy at the moment.  So just sit tight until I finish."

Brian and AJ nodded at Nick.  Lance looked at his boyfriend and he saw fear
in Nick's eyes.  He had not seen this fear the last time they talked.  He
sat still and waited for Nick to speak.


" When we first went on tour, I was young, as you know.  And I didn't
exactly know about sex and stuff.  I knew I loved Lance, but he was miles
upon miles away.  But what was worse I didn't know about lying, I didn't
know about sex, especially sex between guys.


When we first went to Europe, we had a few dancers.  One of which was Mike.
He would always talk to me and hang out with me when no one else would.
Soon I began to feel as if he was my best friend.  One day, after one of
our shows, we were talking in one of the dressing rooms and he told me that
Kevin had told him to initiated me in the world of sex.  I believed him
because why would I have any reason to suspect that anything about this man
or Kevin was bad.  He, he told me to blow him, I didn't know how to, nor
did I want to.  I wanted to wait until I was older.  But he said Kevin said
to, so I did.  This went on for months.  He would do it to me mostly, but
after about a year he said that he was doing all the work and that I should
repay him.  Again, I didn't want to.  From that point on, he would insist
that I blow him, and fuck him.  He had the nerve to call it making love,
but somehow I knew it wasn't.  But still I believed his story about Kevin.


When we started our first tour here in the states, he insisted that he had
his way with me. After each show, he would come to my room and he would, he
would fuck me, rape me, many times a night.  Midway through the tour, I
woke up one morning and realized that this was not right.  I saw how happy
you two were, and I knew that that was love.  But I was scared to just come
out and tell Mike no, because he had stated that he would out me.  So, I
kept it quiet.  But I didn't want him on the tour anymore.  So I convinced
Tima to fire him, after doing so she forced me to tell her why she fired
him.  I did.  I had never seen her cry until that moment, and I haven't
since then.  She said she'd keep it a secret; it was up to me to tell you
guys.  But I couldn't, I could bring myself to tell you how stupid I had
been.


I kept it to myself until the beginning of the tour when I told Lance, he
had a right to know why I refused his advances.  But that was the only
thing I told him.  Yes there is more.  Tima made me get tested.  Then, I
was negative.  But right after Thanksgiving, Mike came back into my life.
He came by the studios to say hi to some old friends.  When I first saw
him, I didn't recognize him.  He came into the booth which I was working
and locked the door.  He knew full well who I was and that I was alone on
that floor.  He approached me and I jumped off the stool and backed away.
I was so scared.  I tried to get to the door but he blocked my way.  The
tears were rolling down my face.  I had this sinking feeling that I knew
what was next.  He forced me up against the wall.  As tall as I am, he was
taller and wider.  I won't give you details, but he raped me about five
times before readjusting his attire and walking out of the building.


I just lay on the floor, bloody and crying.  I couldn't move I was in so
much pain.  I made my way to my car unnoticed by anyone.  I drove to a near
by hospital and got checked out.  No serious damage.  My face healed
quickly, no one even noticed at our next show.  I haven't told anyone that
part.  But now I needed to tell you both the first part, and all of you
that part.  I'm getting tested this afternoon, and I thought that you
should know, especially when the results come back next week, I'll need a
support system."


Lance had slipped to the floor; he didn't have the tears and his face
showed no emotion.  Brian was leaned up against AJ and was crying, no
balling heavily into AJ's chest.  Nick sat down on a near by chair and
watched his friends react to his news.


	" Why didn't you tell me?  I was your best friend."
	" No, you weren't.  We always told the media you were, but in
actuality, I did not have a best friend.  Bri, you were always so wrapped
up in AJ and the other two, well it was different with them.  There was
such an age gap with Howie I didn't feel comfortable, and with Kevin, I
felt so ashamed that I had let Mike used Kevin against me, I had Tima, and
for that I will always consider her my truest friend."
	" I am so sorry for not being there."
	" Don't be, you had do idea, and I was not about to tear apart your
life with AJ and the groups lives."
	" You should have!"
	" I know that now, but then I couldn't bring myself to risk our
careers."
	" But-."
	" No buts Bri, its over, that part of my life is over."
	" What about the test?"
	" I'm so scared.  What happens if I'm positive?"
	" We'll still love you, you'll still be a Backstreet Boy, you'll
still be Nick Carter."
	" True, but I can't do that to the group, nor can I do that to
Lance."
	" What?"  Lance spoke for the first time since Nick confessed.
	" If I'm positive, I don't know if I will have the strength to stay
with you."
	" Don't think like that, you won't be positive, we will always be
together."
	" Look, I have to go.  I will see you tonight."  Nick walked out of
the door, without looking back.


Lance, Brianm and AJ all looked at each other and wondered the same thing.


	` What would happen if Nick was in fact HIV Positive?'


Nick walked into the doctor's office and waited to hear his name.  When he
did, he walked to tiny room in the back.


	" Hello Mr. Carter, we will drawing some blood and should have the
results in about a week."
	" Will I be able to call in to get the results?  I will be
touring."
	" Yes, the front desk nurse will give you information about that."
	" Thank you."


Nick sat patiently as the doctor got the needle ready.  Nick bit his lip as
the needle was inserted and drew the blood.  When the vile was full he
thanked the doctor and checked at the front desk about getting results over
the phone.  She gave him the details; then Nick left.  He tried to hold his
head up high, but it kept dropping.


The next week was hell for him.  He did what was required of him, but he
didn't talk much, and he rarely smiled.  Lance tried his best to make him
laugh, but Nick just kept thinking about what would happened when he would
have to leave Lance.


Exactly a week after he took the test was the hardest day for him.  He
tried to concentrate on what Tima was teaching them, but his mind was on
his phone, and whether or not it would ring.  At 2:37pm it rang.


	" I still remember the night we met
	You said you loved my smile
	But your love for me was like a summer breeze
	Oh, it lasted for a while
	I could hold on a little tighter I know
	But when you love someone you gotta let 'em go so."


	" Mr. Carter?"
	" Yes?"
	" We have your results."

Nick walked away from the group to talk to the nurse.


	" I'm gonna smile, cause I want to make you happy
	Laugh, so you can't see me cry
	I'm gonna let you go in style
	And even if it kills me
	I'm gonna smile."


	" Yes?"  Nick smiled at the group to calm their fears, as well as
his.


	" Kiss me once for the good times, baby
	Kiss me twice for goodbye
	You can't help how you don't feel
	And it doesn't matter why
	Give me a chance to bow out gracefully
	'Cause that's how I want you to remember me

	I'm gonna smile, cause I want to make you happy
	Laugh, so you can't see me cry
	I'm gonna let you go in style
	And even if it kills me
	I'm gonna smile."


	" I'm sorry to inform you of this Mr. Carter…"

Nick held the phone to his ear as the nurse rambled of that he should see
his doctor as soon as possible.  Nick had tuned out as soon as she said
that she was sorry.  His smile faded. He knew what he had to do.


	"I'm gonna smile so you can find the courage
	Laugh, so you won't see me hurtin'
	I'm gonna let you go in style
	And even if it kills me
	I'm gonna smile."

	(" Smile." By Lonestar.)

I hope you all are not crying, but if you are tell me.  Thanks. ~ Elisheva
MrClean290@aol.com