Date: Mon, 11 Oct 1999 01:54:22 PDT
From: Eriker <kameko1@excite.com>
Subject: doin' it

Hi all.
Shall we start with the standard disclaimers, seeing as they all apply here?
This is not meant to imply anything about the members of Nsync. It is a
fantasy.

First off, I want to thank Gene. Without your help, I doubt this would have
ever actually  been posted. You are really cool and a great friend. Thanks
:-) And I want to thank Ash...you remind me that there is joy in the world
and always when I need it the most.

Any feedback is appreciated. This is not my first fan fic although it is my
first boy band fic. Slightly different genres so forgive me if it is a
little out of the ordinary.  Kameko1@excite.com

Warnings....this is a one-shot. There will be no sequels. Second...there is
no sex here. Sorry...

Thanks
And now on with the show.........
Eriker

***************************************************************

Doin' It

	Lance sighed as he gazed at his lover. JC had crashed as soon as they'd
settled in the hotel room. Lance wasn't really one for partying but lately
it seemed as if his life consisted of working and watching JC, whose free
time was spent in dreamland.

	It hadn't always been like this. Somewhere in the last year they'd moved
from  fresh dewey-eyed love to old `married' couple. He could remember when
they never went right to sleep. JC would always have something planned.
Going out to clubs or to a nice dinner was the norm, but what Lance missed
most were the nights they would sit up all night talking and end up falling
asleep in awkward positions but feeling like all was right with the world.
Lance would give anything for those times again, well almost anything.

	He knew that JC would stay up or even go out if asked to, but Lance also
knew the price they would have to pay. JC would have to use more and that
was the last thing either of them needed. Lance understood or at he least
tried to. JC had explained it all,...he had to do it or he couldn't keep his
energy level up. He couldn't be the JC everyone expected and seemed to love.
Lance, of course, loved them both. The high energy heart throb but perhaps
more he loved the quiet, rather brooding man who had held him and caressed
him all night their first time....hell Lance's first time ever.

	Somewhere though the distinction had been lost. JC needed to use it to even
get out of bed some days. Yes, getting out of bed. That would be the next
step in Lance's day.  He glanced at the porta-alarm on the nightstand. Ten
minutes 'til it was set to ring. <<I hate that I am trained to be up this
early. Oh well....better to get JC up now and gently. It always takes him a
while to get going.>> He reached over and flicked it off. Lance shifted down
to kiss JC lightly on the cheek. His lover twitched a little and seemed to
be coming around. "Hey love,....time to get up," Lance said softly, "Come
on, love." JC's eyes fluttered then slowly came open to focus on his lover.

	"Huh?" JC was ever so articulate in the mornings.

	"Time to get up," Lance repeated. "We need to be in Chris's room for
breakfast in an hour. If we get up now we have plenty of time." Lance had to
stop himself from making that statement  any more suggestive. JC was
extremely sensitive about that area of their love life. Lance had to let the
older man initiate all love play these days.

	"Okay, okay," JC muttered as he rolled over and sat up. "I hate mornings."
He was moving pretty slow but managed to stand and stumble to the bathroom.


	JC always took the first shower. It was just part of the routine they had
settled into. Lance sighed and pulled himself out of bed. He was mildly
disappointed but he had come to expect it and he accepted the fact that they
rarely made love anymore. <<Damn that shit...>>  He had read all the
literature he could find on it once he had figured out what JC was using.
Lance knew that "lack of interest in sex" was a big side affect. "Loss of
ability to perform" was another.  <<Oh well....>> Lance was content holding
his love at night. The sex was always wonderful but lately had become
non-existent and that had to be okay. He had to be careful though. JC always
wanted to cuddle and things and sometimes Lance couldn't control his
reaction. He hated having to watch himself so carefully. <<This should be a
lot easier.>>

	Lance got up and set about choosing their outfits for the day and by the
time he had finished JC was turning off the water. <<Okay about ten more
minutes and then he will be out and raring to go.>>

	Just as the blond had predicted JC literally bounced out of the bathroom a
few minutes later. He practically ran to Lance and tried to hug him. Lance
was mildly annoyed this morning and before he could stop himself he ducked
out of the way. JC looked confused so Lance covered as always. "Hey hon, let
me shower first...I stink and you smell all pretty now," he said as he stuck
his tongue out at JC. They had a running joke about JC's cologne. JC grinned
and let Lance get around him and into the bathroom.

	Once in the bathroom, Lance glanced around. A couple dirty towels were
piled up in the corner. He pushed down his boxers and kicked them off before
leaning in to start the shower. As he turned to move a towel within reach
his eyes fell to the wastebasket. <<Shit.>> There was a wad of bloody tissue
in it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. <<Put it out of your mind,
Lance. He just cut himself shaving.... Yeah, that's what happened.>>

	Lance stepped under the warm spray and sat about his cleaning rituals while
trying to blank his mind. Once done, he toweled off before stepping out onto
the tile floor. Grabbing his comb and gel off the counter he started to
create his spikes. Setting down the gel, he felt something on his hand and
looked at the counter. <<Damn it.>> He  brushed the white substance off his
hand and grabbed his damp towel. He wiped down the counter, numb to what he
was actually seeing and doing.

	Grabbing his dirty clothes and wrapping a towel around his waist he stepped
out into the room. JC was on the phone and so Lance started to get dressed.
<<I am so tired of all of this.>> He was set to go by the time JC finished
his call. He looked at what JC was wearing and as usual it was completely
different from what he had laid out. That made him smile a little. "Let's go
get Justin up and head over, okay?" he asked.

	"Yeah....Joey and Chris asked me to go shopping after breakfast Do you want
to go?" JC asked as he looped his arm around the other man.

	"No. I'm still tired so I'll stick around here and take it easy. Is Justin
going?"

	"Nope, didn't sound like he was."

	"I'll try to catch some TV or something," Lance smiled at JC. "Maybe Justin
can join me."

	"Okay cool," JC said as they stepped out of their sanctuary and into the
"real world".

***********************

	After breakfast three of them had left and Justin and Lance had settled in
to watch some TV and chill. Lance could tell that something was on Justin's
mind and had the feeling that this whole shopping trip had been set up to
get him alone.

	"Okay...what?" Lance finally snapped after the tension got to him.

	"We need to try to do something about JC's problem. We need to talk to him
or intervene or something," Justin said as he sat down across from Lance.

	"Justin, you know what he's like when we try to talk to him about it." This
was the last thing Lance wanted to discuss right now.

	"I know, but it's becoming a problem." Justin said as he watched Lance's
eyes dart around the room. They were going to have this discussion no matter
what Lance wanted...it was long overdue.

	"Why? He's fine on-stage....he's okay whenever we have to work."

	"Yeah, maybe he is for now but he isn't okay on our downtime and I miss him
being healthy. How long until it seeps into the job time? He has been doing
this for years...how long can he last?" Justin felt himself choke a little
as he said it but he knew that Lance had to face this and so did he.

	"How long?" Lance asked almost wistfully. "He never did tell me when he
started. He won't talk about it"

	Justin hated dissecting this. It hurt. "When I look back on it , he was
even doing it back in the MMC days. I wasn't as keyed into his personality
then but I remember times...," Justin sighed. "I guess I just didn't
understand then. That and I idolized him."

	"Just, you know...," Lance started.

	"Yeah I know...he was just a kid too, but damn, he was everything I wanted
to be. He was cool and popular and confident. Hell, he still is all that in
a way." Justin was loosing his hold here...."Damn it! Why did it have to
turn out like this?"

	"Like what? Justin, we have everything we could ever want," Lance trailed
off a to an almost whisper. "I have everything. I am in love with a
wonderful guy. I am happy."

	Justin smiled ruefully...<<God, it sounds like he repeats that to himself
often enough.>> "Lance, you aren't happy."

	"Yes," Lance gazed at the floor as he spoke. "Yes, I am".

	"No you aren't and you still can't lie for shit. I know you...hell, I'm
around you almost as much as JC is. Maybe you're happy every once in a
while...but not like you were and certainly not like you describe. Yes, we
have almost everything but you, my friend, are in love with a coke addict,"
Justin winced as he said it out loud for the first time. "And my best friend
is killing himself."

	Lance tried to respond but nothing came out.

	"Truth hurts, doesn't it? You know what else?" Justin knew he was being
harsh but the time for gentleness was over. "There isn't anything left to
talk about. We can try but as long as you don't see the problem the rest of
us are powerless. I know Chris and Joey are with me on this. You need to
take a good look at yourself and him and this whole fucking situation."
Justin blinked as the tears started to come but he knew he had to stay in
control here. "Maybe it just isn't worth it anymore."

	Lance stared at Justin, obviously spooked. "What? What are you getting
at?"

	<<Well...can't stop now.>> Justin thought to himself as he continued. "The
reason JC says he uses is to keep up with the whole `us' thing....What if
there wasn't an us? What would his reason be then?"

	"Just,...you can't be serious." Lance was scared now...he was practically
shaking.

	"Why? If it's a choice between watching my best friend disintegrate and
what we do. You are right..I already have everything right now. I could walk
away and still be happy with what I've done and what I have." This was
something Justin had put a lot of thought into...this was also as close as
he could come to issuing Lance an ultimatum.

	"You love it...you love performing...you love singing. JC loves it." Lance
was almost panicking now.

	"Lance, I will never stop singing. Performing," Justin sighed again, "I
have done enough of that in my life...for now anyway. Yes, I love all this
but I love JC more. Do you?"

	Lance jumped a bit. "God yes. I love him more than life. You know that."

	"Then why the hell are you letting this continue? Are you seriously that
scared of confronting it? Does it worry you so much that life will get
tough...that your situation, your routine will change?" Justin knew he was
being way too hard on Lance but this was the one part he couldn't
understand. If you are in love someone you don't look the other way while
they destroy themselves.

	"No." Lance was trembling. "No...it's just that he's doing okay. Really he
is. He said he's cutting back."

	Justin studied the other blond for a second. <<If he says that JC is doing
okay one more time...damn>> "Lance...listen to me. He isn't. If anything
he's using more...look at me." Justin waited 'til the green eyes met his.
"Wouldn't it be better to try now instead of after he has a stroke or heart
attack or dies? Although I guess it will be pretty easy to make him quit
doing it once he's a vegetable won't it?"

	Lance winced and looked away.

	"You know I'm right...," Justin said "You know it so why..."

	The door opened and JC entered the small room. "Hey guys, we're back. What
are you up to?"

	"Hi love," Lance said as he forced a smile. "We weren't doing
anything...just talking."

	Justin shoots Lance a pointed look as JC comes over to the couch and sits
next to Lance. "Missed you hon'," JC mumbled as he reclined against Lance
resting his head on Lance's chest. "We have about two hours before we leave
for the arena. I was thinking about a nap."

	"Okay...tell you what...I'll sit here and hold you and maybe catch some
sleep myself." Lance smiled down at JC as he settled.

	"I love you, `sten." JC said as he grinned.

	Justin got up, obviously frustrated, "I'm gonna go hunt down Joey and
Chris...maybe we can grab a snack. I feel like eating some nice vegetables
for some reason...."

	Lance glares up at him as JC speaks. "You are truly weird, Curly. Bye, come
get us in a while." JC curls up around Lance and starts to drift off as
Justin leaves.

	Lance shifts a little to get more comfortable and notices a little dried
blood under JC's nose. <<...and I'm watching him sleep again...or is it
watching him die slowly. Maybe they're right. God, I love him so
much...please help him.>> Tears began to streak down Lance's face not for
the first time and certainly not the last.


<finis>