Date: Sat, 03 Feb 2001 21:04:54 -0000
From: Bear <barrack79@hotmail.com>
Subject: Don't Wanna Lose-21 Boybands

Disclaimer: This story is fiction and does not represent the real people
that might be mentioned here.  If you are under 18 or if it is illegal to
read this in the country where you live, the city where you are, etc. then
don't.  Again, this is just some fantasy I concocted in my head so don't
get insulted.

Author's Note: Yea! I'm done with my exams for first semester.  Second
semester starts on Monday though so that sucks.  Anyways, thanks for
reading this and thanks for Nifty and everyone out there.  You guys are
great.


Chapter 21
Written by: Bear

	The elevator bell dinged signaling that it's reached its
destination and Justin took a deep sigh as he looked down the empty
corridor.  It was late at night, almost two o'clock in the morning
actually, as he was getting back to the hotel.  After talking to JC for
most of the night he found this quaint coffee shop that was open
twenty-four hours.  Justin ordered some mocha and found a quiet off to the
side chair as he anonymously watched the people go about their business.
It gave him time, time to think over his life and see how other people were
living theirs.  To him it was actually a little ironic, for most of the
time he is the one people was looking at but during those couples of hours
it was everybody else that lived in the bubble.  Justin was the one
observing and scrutinizing how people lived.  It seemed like they were the
one getting their faces put up on tabloid magazines and they were the ones
reporters wrote about; yes a little ironic but for him actually sensible
and healthy for his soul.
	The floor was quiet, in fact eerily silent, to Justin.  He's been
around the Backstreet Boys enough to know some of the routines they did
after a concert.  AJ usually still had some energy so he would bounce from
one room to another.  Meanwhile, Howie listened to soothing music to calm
him to sleep and get him ready for the next day.  Kevin, well Kevin, he was
Kevin in Justin's mind.  Checking over the schedule for the next day and
making sure everything was settled before he went off to bed.  As for
Brian, he didn't really care.  In fact, he tries to avoid Brian as much as
possible.  It's all because of Brian that this has happened but how can he
blame Brian for it because it is very much that how he reacted that will
probably cause his lover's heartache.
	Justin let out another deep sigh as he took hesitant steps towards
the room he shared with Nick.  He quickly looked up from the carpet, where
his gaze has been ever since he entered the hotel, to the noise that
disturbed his thoughts.  Justin glanced up and saw AJ coming out of his
room.  He quickly saw a changed in AJ's demeanor as well as a change in his
disposition.  Abruptly, AJ came up to him and shoved him into the wall.
Because of the surprise of the situation Justin wasn't able to react to the
scrawnier man.  "You asshole what the fuck are you doing here?" AJ yelled
at Justin right in his face.
	"Let go of me." Justin instinctively shouted back.
	"I knew you were gonna fucking hurt him the minute I saw you.  I
knew!"AJ yelled again as he grabbed Justin's shoulders and pushed into the
wall harder.
	"Ugh...let go." Justin screamed as he finally got over his surprise
and users his much stronger arms to push AJ away from him.  "What's your
problem man?"  Justin continued as soon as he was away from AJ.
	"What the fuck is my problem?  What the fuck is my problem?  You
asshole is my problem." AJ yelled as he was about to attack Justin again.
	Promptly though, another door opened to reveal an agitated Howie.
He looked towards the two and dashed for them.  Howie quickly grabbed AJ
and held him back from Justin.  "AJ what's going on?" Howie asked.
	"I'm just trying to teach this asshole here a lesson." AJ answered
with menace in his eyes.
	"I don't know what the hell is going on here but I just come in and
he attacks me." Justin butted in trying to put his own two sense into it.
	"I didn't ask you Justin." Howie replied back not even look at
Justin.  Justin, to say the least, was a little shock to see that kind of
behavior from the sweet and friendly Howie Dorough.  "Calm down J.  Frack's
already upset as it is and if he sees you like this and heard what just
went down its only gonna hurt him more." Howie tried to rationalize to his
friend.
	AJ tried to make another move towards Justin but Howie managed to
hold him back.  "You got off light this time asshole but next time you
won't be so lucky." AJ yelled at Justin as Howie began pushing his bandmate
back to his room.
	Justin stood there speechless even after the door to Howie's room
closed.  He did not know what had just happened and couldn't figure out the
menace he just received.  Only moments later, the door to his own room
opened to reveal Kevin stepping out into the hallway.  Kevin seemed to take
a deep sigh of relief as he saw Justin.  "Thank god you're finally here."
	"I...I don't know...AJ just tried to kill me and Howie
didn't...didn't even acknowledge me." Justin said muttering more to himself
to Kevin.
	Kevin moved closer to Justin and with an apologetic look said to
him, "I'm sorry Justin but with everything that has happened tonight I
wouldn't be surprise if you were black and blue by now."
	"What?"
	"You...you left without not even saying a word of where you were
going or when you would be back.  Nick was worried.  He thought...he
thought of so many things.  Bad things.  He didn't know where you were,
what you were doing.  Nick didn't know anything.  He thought that you were
angry at him, that you were going to leave him, all this kind of stuff.  He
cried for a whole hour before the show Justin." Kevin paused trying to get
a reaction from Justin.  He saw a change in Justin's eyes.  "It took a lot
to finally get him to go out there to perform and then in the middle of his
solo he simply breaks down.  Nick cried, no he sobbed in the middle of the
stage Justin.  Finally we had to pull him off the stage and perform the
rest of the show without him."
	"I'm...I'm sorry.  I just..." Justin tried to explain.
	"I shouldn't be the one you're talking to Justin.  I don't need
anything from you right now but Nick does." Kevin retorted.
	"Is...is he okay?" Justin asked as his voice was breaking.
	"Not much better from worst." Kevin replied honestly.  "He's laying
on the bed.  Talk to him." Kevin said with authority before sidestepping
Justin and heading for his own room.
	When Justin left the coffee shop earlier that night he thought that
the time there seemed to lighten the load on his shoulders.  Now coming
home brought up more problems.  `Wait am I coming home?' Justin's thoughts
asked himself.  `Yes, I am home.  My home will always be wherever Nick is.'
Another voice in his head answered quickly for him.  Now, Justin brought
his gaze towards the closed door right in front of him.  On his side, a
regretful and distressed man and on the other, a weeping great angel and it
is the man on his side that had cause this grand torment upon the sweet
angel.  A pang of guilt started to beat in his chest as he reached for the
doorknob.  Turning it slowly he was wary of what he would find, afraid that
it would break his heart.
	As the door to the room opened and closed, Justin stealthily moved
towards the bed dropping his coat upon the floor on the way.  He placed
himself on the other side of the bed as Nick had his back towards him and
was facing towards the window.  Justin followed to where Nick's gaze was
probably focused on and saw a few rain droplets hit the panes of the glass.
A light sprinkle started outside as whimper was heard from the other side
of the bed.  Justin instantly positioned himself behind Nick's form and
tried to hold him but Nick abruptly pulled away.  "Ni...Nick?" Justin soft
voice delicately called out.
	Nick sniffed his tears away momentarily and as his cracking voice
gave away his true feelings.  "You...you promised.  You promised." Nick
muttered out.
	"Oh Nick." Justin softly whispered as he once again tried to take a
hold of Nick but this time as Nick tried to pull away Justin was ready and
tightened his hold on him.  Nick didn't even put up a fight once Justin's
arms were around him but his light cries turned into heavy sobs and
convulsions as all the emotions that Nick were probably holding were let
loose.  "Oh Nick I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry." Justin repeated over and over
again at Nick holding him as close as possible.
	After a few minutes Nick's sobs started to die down and his body
start to ease.  Nick's body moved but Justin was hesitant to let him loose.
Justin felt Nick's body turn into him and once he was facing Justin, he
placed his head in upon Justin's chest.  Justin, in turn, tightened his
hold upon him while caressing his back.  The sobs which were now down to a
whimper again became more pronounced now that it was against Justin's form.
"You...you promised.  You said you'd always be by my side...always." Nick
softly murmured.
	"I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.  I messed up." Justin said in a tender
voice.
	"Swear...swear...you'll never leave.  Swear...to me." Nick asked as
his voice became even more faint.
	A moment passed, a moment that might have been inconsequential to
others transpired but oh, what a slight hesitation could bring into a
person's heart and mind.  A second that could have been a meaningless
fleeting moment was instantly turned into a flash of doubt.  And to Justin
it might have been the first but as he looked down towards the form of his
lover it may have been the latter.  He saw Nick's clutching body start to
fall into a deep slumber as he gently answered.  "Till forever."

					+++++++++++++

	Justin was about to walk into the arena to see Nick do his sound
checks but something caught the corner of his eye.  A figure walks into one
of the rooms.  Making sure that before taking the stage Nick understood
that he was not that far away Justin decided to follow the man.  As he came
towards the door, he didn't even knock knowing that he was the one who
needed to take the initiative.  When Justin opened the door he looked up to
see the man see his reflection in the mirror on the opposite side of the
wall.  The man's features instantly turned into a grimace as he noticed who
was disturbing him.  "What do you want?" The man hissed out.
	"I think we need to get to an understanding here cause I don't
think we're seeing each other eye to eye." Justin replied.
	"I can perfectly see what's going on and I don't need you to
explain it to me." The man retorted.
	"Fuck this!" Justin yelled getting angry.  "I don't want what
happened last night to happen again."
	"Well so do I!  So maybe you should leave before I knock you out
again."
	"Fuck you...I love Nick and he loves me so whatever the fuck you're
problem is...get over it." Justin screamed at him.
	"You're an ass you know that?  You're a fucking ass.  Nick will
eventually see what you're about."
	"What is your problem?" Justin said getting more agitated.  "What
the hell did I ever do to you."
	"This is not about me...don't you get it.  It's about Nick.  I
don't want to fucking see him get hurt again."  He shouted.
	"Well so do I." Justin yelled back.
	A minute of silence passed between the two as they both looked
straight into each other's eyes.  A pair of brown orbs searching for
honesty and a pair of sapphires searching the other for signs of danger.  A
small smile started to creep into the owner of the mahogany eyes and gave
out a little chuckle.  Justin who was more than startled at this entered a
state of confusion.  "So I guess we've got our understanding." He laughed
out loud.
	Justin not knowing exactly how to take this took a moment.  Then as
if a sign of agreement the other man reached out his right hand.  Justin
hesitantly brought his own forward and shook his hand.  Then Justin felt a
tug on his arm and he was sent into the man's embrace and given a friendly
hug.  "Uhm...thanks."
	"No prob Justin.  Just don't hurt my baby bro."
	"I won't AJ.  I'll try not to." Justin smiled back as he stepped
back from the embrace.
	"Yeah you better not or last night won't be the last time you see
AJ McLean's ferocious dragon." AJ said making some weird arm and body
movements to amplify his words.
	Justin laughed and commented on AJ's antics, "More like an angry
mouse from my point of view."
	"Is that a challenge Justin son?" AJ asked as he bowed at the hip
towards Justin.
	"Yes, Mighty Mouse." Justin laughed out repeating AJ's actions.

					+++++++++++

	 While Nick was doing his sound checks for the nights' concert his
gaze kept scanning the room.  His mind wasn't on the task at hand but on
something else.  He was worried for some reason and he couldn't calm down
his fears.  `I thought he was right behind me.' Nick said to himself as he
tried some of his vocals for the songs he was going to sing that night.  It
seemed fine and since he wasn't really in the mood to let this thing ride
for any longer that it needed to be, he walked down to the control platform
and placed down his mic.  He told one of the engineers that it was fine and
was off.  As Nick was walking towards the backstage area the door that
accessed it opened revealing a laughing AJ and to his relief, Justin.  Nick
hastily ran up to Justin with a few tears in his eyes and clanged to him
tightly.  Justin's emotion quickly turned into one of confusion and fear,
"Honey, are you okay?" Justin asked worried rubbing his right hand up and
down Nick's back.
	Nick looked up to Justin's face with a couple tears flowing down
his face.  "I...I thought you...you were right behind me.  Then...you
weren't there.  I...I just...I just..." Nick tried to explain through his
tears.
	"Oh Pooh Bear, I was just talking to AJ that's all." Justin replied
softly as he brought his hand up to Nick's face to caress it.  "Remember
before you went on stage and I told you that I wouldn't be far?" Justin
asked to which Nick nodded his answer yes.  "Well, I wasn't now was I?  Me
and AJ was just talking about something we had to settle."
	"I guess I was just frightened...I guess." Nick said as he pouted
putting his lower lip out.
	"That's okay honey." Justin said as he wiped away Nick's tears with
his thumb.  "So how was your sound check?  That was pretty fast wasn't it?"
	"It was good.  I just wasn't up to it." Nick answered sheepishly.
	"Now Pooh Bear, I don't want you to sound off tonight.  My honey
should always shine so go up there and do it right." Justin said with some
strength.
	"But...but...I..."
	"I'll go up there with you.  How about that?" Justin asked as an
excited Nick nodded his head.  "Okay." Justin laughed out as Nick took
Justin's hand into his and started to pull on him.  Justin quickly looked
back to AJ, "Wanna join us?"
	"No dude, go up there and have fun.  I'll watch from down here." AJ
replied as Justin was dragged up on stage by Nick.  Nick was moving in
overdrive as he ran from the control platform and took his mic.  He then
cued the band as they started to play.  Nick illuminated on stage as he
sang for Justin who sat on one of the stools as Nick ran around him
animatedly.  Justin would giggle or laugh whenever Nick would do some weird
face or do something really cheesy.  Meanwhile, AJ watched in joy that
maybe his newfound trust in Justin wasn't going to go to waste.  Justin
seemed to really care about their Nick and that Nick found his happiness
through that.

					++++++++++++

	That nights' concert went a lot better than the day before and the
crowd seemed to enjoy it more as everybody was on the top of their game.
As all the Backstreet Boys headed back to their dressing room everybody was
pumped.  AJ seemingly more energize than the his usual hyper crazy self.
"Guys, that was slammin' I could do go and do that again." Said AJ loudly.
	"Yeah Bone, go out there and flash them a little of that Johnny
NoName of yours cause I ain't about to go out there to be mobbed." Howie
interjected.
	"You're no fun...so how about we head to a club afterwards.  I'm
all up for it."
	"Chill Bone...chill.  Let people get a breather here." Brian said
as he made his presence known.
	Soon Nick and Kevin entered the room and immediately Justin got up
from his position on the couch and headed towards them.  "Hey honey that
was a great show."  Justin said handing Nick towel.
	"Thanks." Nick replied blushing a little bit from Justin's
compliment.
	"Oh honey, you know you're always wonderful." Justin added as he
took another towel and started lightly brushing off the sweat from Nick's
brow.  "Come on, I want you to change out of those clothes before you cool
down." Justin continued before pulling Nick towards a part of the dressing
room that was block off with some make shift walls.
	"Down...down people." Kevin yelled as he saw AJ bouncing off the
walls and Howie getting irritated by it and Brian chilling in another
chair.  "AJ take a seat." Kevin said towards the fidgety AJ but he didn't.
"Okay, don't take a seat but don't make any commotion either." Kevin
continued as he saw from the corner of his eye Nick and Justin come out
with Nick wearing a sweatshirt and some jogging pants.  "Since we're all
here, I'd just like remind everybody that we have the next four days off.
A little break in the middle of the tour to give everyone a little
breathing room."  This announcement was received with a lot of yelling and
hooting.  "Okay, okay I'm excited too but I don't want anybody doing
anything stupid during this break cause we still have a lot of dates to
fulfill.  Which means AJ no bungee jumping or anything of the sort.  Take
the next days off to relax...which...I highly doubt but at least let me
fool myself into."  Kevin laugh out loud to himself in which all the other
Backstreet Boys rolled their eyes.  "Next concert date is in Anaheim so be
there early on Saturday.  We have to do sound checks and do a short
rehearsal.  Okay now where is everybody going just so I know where you
are." Kevin requested as everybody groaned.
	"I'm going to DisneyWorld." Yelled AJ as some of the others laugh
as he re- enacted the infamous commercial played after NBA championships
and Superbowl.  A couple of the guys giggled but the other groaned at the
pitiful excuse of a joke.
	"So you're going to Orlando?" Kevin asked.
	"No...no...I'm going to NYC babbbby." AJ replied stretching his
last word for effect.
	"Wonderful!" Kevin said with sarcasm.  "A place where you its
impossible for you to create havoc.  Howie?" Kevin asked changing his
focus.
	"Probably head down to San Diego for a bit so I won't have to go
far back."  Howie said smiling.
	Kevin looked at him curiously but let it go.  "Brian, how about
you?"
	Brian glanced towards Nick's way where he was embrace from the back
by Justin.  "Um...I...I don't know yet." Brian replied as he kept his eyes
upon the blond beauty.
	"Okay and Nick...what are you up to?"
	"I...I...I..." Nick stumbled on his words as he tried to find an
answer.  Not knowing what to say he gave a look backwards towards Justin.
	"I'm going to take my honey home to meet the `rents.  Mom's itching
to interrogate the man who's stolen my heart." Justin replied for Nick
sweetly.
	"So...okay I guess that's..." Kevin said.
	"Wait...wait..." AJ interjected.  "You all know what we're doing
but we don't have a clue where you're going." AJ said slyly.
	"Well..." Kevin said thinking it over.  "It's none of your business
and I'm responsible enough for not any of you guys not to know what I'll be
doing with my time." Kevin added with a glorious smile.
	"No way that's so...so...not fair." AJ bellowed.
	"Well too bad." Kevin replied as he kept smiling.  "I guess that's
all.  See you guys in a couple of days then." Kevin said as he started to
walk out of the room.
	"No...no way...so unfair." AJ yelled as he ran after Kevin.

					++++++++++++

	"Just...Just...I'm not so sure about this.  What if I do something
stupid?  What if she doesn't like me?  What if I'm not good enough for you?
What if..."
	"Shhhhh..." Justin said pulling his right index finger upon Nick's
lips.  "Don't worry so much.  My mom will love you cause I love you.
You'll be perfect in her eyes as it is in mines.  And even if you do say
something inappropriate or do something incorrectly my mom will see pass
that and see the man who possesses my heart." Justin continued before
pausing and looking around the airport terminal trying to look if anybody
was paying attention to them before placing a quick kiss upon Nick's cheek.
"Okay, now smile.  I don't like you being unhappy."  Within seconds Nick
was grinning like a Cheshire cat and looking as if there wasn't a thing
wrong in the world.  Justin then changed his focus upon the man coming
towards their seats.  "Hey AJ, you don't look so good?" Justin looking at
the disheveled man.
	"Didn't get home till five.  Sleepy.  Need coffee." AJ said before
sipping out of the cup he was holding.
	"Clubbing, huh?  Till the wee hours of the morning?"  Justin asked
as he looked back towards Nick who still had a smile on his face as he
started looking through the magazine he had.
	"Yeah." AJ replied looking a little more awake.  "Have to get ready
for those clubs in New York.  They're much more hard core than last
night's."
	"I wouldn't know.  The guys would usually have me on guard even if
we went to a club plus I'm still underage."
	"Bad for you Justin...sucks for you.  You're certainly missing
out."
	"From the looks of you this morning though...I don't think I'm
missing out that much." Justin replied as he chuckled.
	"Whatever you say man.  Whatever you say." AJ said as looked at
Justin awkwardly.
	Justin once again looked towards his other side to check on Nick
who was happily looking through his magazine.  Justin took Nick's hand in
his and placed it in between their seats.  Nick looked up questioningly
from his magazine and Justin smiled in reply.  Nick smiled also before
going back to his magazine.  Justin looked back towards AJ and asked, "AJ,
do you know where Kevin is?  I noticed we didn't get an earful this
mornin."
	"Oh, Mr. Responsible you mean," AJ said rolling his eyes, "he left
last night after the concert.  Tried to get him to tell me where he was
heading to but wouldn't budge.  Stubborn asshole."
	"Hmmm...I wonder where he went to." Justin said out loud in
thought.

					+++++++++++

	Justin was driving the rental car down the highway as he looked to
the passenger side.  Nick didn't look too good.  He was sweating even
though they had the ac going on in the car plus Nick's eyes were like a
deer's caught in headlights.  Justin was now getting really worried.  At
first Justin thought it was cute that Nick was nervous meeting his mom but
now he really thought that Nick might go through a nervous breakdown or
something.  Nick was not handling this situation very well.  "Hon...honey,
are you okay?" Justin asked quietly.
	"Uh huh." Nick replied shaking his head slowly and not looking
towards Justin's direction but instead kept looking forward.
	"Pooh Bear, please don't worry like this.  You're starting to scare
me.  You'll be fine and I already told you my Mom will love you, okay?"
This time though Nick turned his head to look at Justin's pleading eyes and
Nick slowly nodded his head yes.  "Okay honey, you'll be fine.  Just don't
think about it too much." Justin added as he took Nick's clammy hands and
quickly looked at Nick's twitching leg.  "You'll be fine.  You'll be fine.
We'll be alright honey." Justin continued as he started to worry himself.
	Time seem to pass by quickly as they soon found themselves in front
of Justin's house.  He took a moment of deep breath before taking a look to
his right at Nick.  Nick hadn't said anything for most of the trip and even
though Nick seemed all right from the outside now, Justin knew that inside
Nick was probably a wreck.  Even now, Justin felt that twinge nervousness
as he was now going to see his mom with Nick by his side.  Justin took one
last moment of tranquility and peace inside the car before pushing the car
door and stepping out.  He took a momentary glance at his house which
seemed serene due to the lack of activity.  It was a little before noon but
it seemed more like early morning because nobody was outside.  Justin moved
to the other side of the car where Nick was sat looking intently at the
house as if he was truly scared of what was inside.  Justin took the
passenger side door and opened it.  At this Nick looked towards him with a
unknowing look in which Justin smiled a reply.  Nick slowly stepped outside
the car and then took a look behind them at the trunk.  "No hon, we'll get
it later."  Nick nodded his answer as he still hadn't said a word.  Justin
took Nick's right hand in his left and guided him towards the front door.
"You ready?"  Nick nodded again.  "You'll be great.  She'll love you."
Justin said assuredly before pushing the doorbell twice.  It wasn't long
before they heard some noises behind the door and it being pulled wide
open.
  To Justin and Nick's surprise the person who opened the door wasn't
Justin's mom but a thin slender brunette who seemed to have just woken up
if it wasn't for the man's wide surprise look in his eyes.  "Josh..."