Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2001 12:05:25 EDT
From: Angel36745@aol.com
Subject: Double Take 7

  Disclaimer: I don't know BSB or anyone connected to them in anyway. I
don't know their sexual preferences, this is just a story. I made it all up
in my own little twisted world. Well, it's not that twisted but that's not
the point.

  Warning: I don't know where this is going, or what will happen. I've had
this story on my mind for the past couple of months. There may be sex, but
if there is it won't be in the first chapter. So if that's what you're
looking for you might want to look in another place. Now I'm going to try
and not use any super natural beings. I may fail but hell trust me when I
say I can't help it.

   Authors Note: Well I'm back and my BSB kick, and I've left for other
bands alone. Now that most likely won't last for long so don't get your
hopes up. If you have time and like this story check out some of my other
stories. I'll leave a small list at the end of this chapter. I don't have
an editor anymore, so most likely there will be a few mistakes. I would
also like to add that if you have the time to please e-mail me. I love feed
back and in some ways it helps get the next chapter out. Ok I'm going to
explain my symbols and my way of writing. I write in the first person point
of view, so to tell the story better I switch characters. I use these ***
to do that and I also use those symbols to start off the chapter. I will
put the name of the characters name in between the symbols when I start a
chapter. When I change the character in the middle of the chapter or any
part of the chapter the name will be at the end of the symbols. As of right
now those are the only symbols I use. If I add more symbols I will explain,
now on with the story I hope you enjoy it.

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****Nick****

  It wasn't like the movies, it wasn't all clean and neat. There was dried
blood all over his face and body. There were cuts and gashes everywhere,
and in the back ground a machine breathing for him. I placed both of my
hands on the window for support while I looked at him. His hair was blond
again and the goatee was gone, if it wasn't for the blood we would have
looked identical. I couldn't help thinking that I had caused all this to
happen to him. I looked over at Brian he looked to be frozen, only his eyes
kept moving. It was like he was tracing every single detail memorizing
everything that he could. Brenda had moved up to my side, she was holding a
slightly large package in her hands. "This is what Ash had gone to pick up,
I just spoke with the manger at his office. He was working on this at the
office so it would be perfect, he made it for Brian." Brian slowly turned
around and took the package from her hands slowly. He pulled paper back to
reveal the most beautiful outfit I had ever seen. The colors were perfect
and the design had so much detail it looked unreal. It was silk and
shimmered slightly when the light hit it the right way. Brian held the
clothing to his chest and cried softly as he looked back into the room. I
turned to thank Brenda but she was crying again, only this time David was
holding her. Tears fell from his eyes as he looked past us and into the
room just beyond.

  The rest of the night seemed to fly by in quick images, I don't remember
much. I remember finally moving away from the window and taking a
seat. Then it really hit me that this could be the end of everything in my
world. I don't know who it was but they had started holding me and rocking
me slightly. The tears just wouldn't stop falling as images floated into my
mind leaving me feeling emptier every second. I fell asleep and woke up in
AJ's arms he was still rocking me slightly. "Don't you think Eric's going
to be a little upset about you holding another guy?" AJ looked down and
smiled sadly but shook his head. " I don't think he would care if I were
kissing another guy, we broke up a week ago." I sat up and looked at him
closely, he was really go through a lot of stuff. "Why didn't you say
anything you know we would have been there for you?" He just shrugged his
shoulders and stood up stretching a little. "You should go talk to your
Mom, there's news about Ash." He had managed to keep his voice level so I
didn't have any clues. I just nodded and set out to find them where ever
they may be. I found Brian in the waiting room, he wasn't looking to good
and he still had the clothing pressed against his chest. He looked up at me
and then slowly looked away before he went back in his daze.

   I had a really bad feeling about this, my whole body was starting to
tense. Every time I would pass one of the guys they would look away
slowly. When I finally found my Mom she was oddly calm, it was scaring
me. She looked up at me and then back down at the ground. "Mom, what
happened, is Ash ok, or did something happen while I was asleep?" She
looked up slowly and shook her head before she started talking. "There's
good news, and there's bad news. The bad news comes first, Ash was taken
off life support since he no longer needs it. The good news is he isn't
brain dead, but he may never wake up again. There's hope but it's fleeting
with every passing minute, Brenda has arranged for Ash to be taken to a
home where he will be taken care of. It's her choice since he is her son by
law. We can visit him anytime we want, but I was told not to get my hopes
up. So I'm not going to do that just to see everything come crashing down
around me. I'm sorry Nick, but I have to tell you this, there isn't any
real hope. There's so much damage to his body that he could still die at
any time. Only time will tell if he'll ever wake, or even live for that
matter. I'm so sorry baby, the others know and are making plans. I was
elected to tell you that you have a concert to get to tomorrow. Life goes
on Nick, even if your loved ones aren't with you to share it." It didn't
make sense, how could we go on touring with Ash so close to death.

  Two day's went by and the concert was less than what it could have
been. It just wasn't in me to really do this anymore, not with Ash almost
gone. Brian wasn't any better but he was able to focus all of his emotions
into the songs. Just like my Mom had said life goes on, even without those
you love most. I had to call her every night just hear her voice, I was so
afraid I would lose her. We would talk for as long as we could then life
would start up again. Aaron was really depressed and didn't know how to
handle everything that was happening. He and Leslie were going to come and
see me later on this month. Only I didn't really know what to tell then
that could ever really help. Kristen and Leigh were pretty much living with
us now. Leigh was there for Brian because she was all he had now. While
Kristen was trying to work out some problems that her and Kevin had been
having. I didn't even know that there had been any problems, then I
realized why Kevin had been calling Ash nightly. It was then that I found
myself asking another question, what had made my Mom decide to call me. So
the next time I talked to her I asked and she told me about Ash's phone
call. It was then that I really started hating myself for everything I had
done to him. Even after all that he had still tried to help me out with my
family, with our family. Now he was in some nursing home being taken care
of by people he didn't even know.

  That was the moment I had decided to talk Brenda into letting me take
care of him whenever I was on break. I could rent a beach house near the
ocean and take him there and take care of him. Whenever I went back to work
I would take him back to the nursing home. I knew I had a week off in about
three weeks so I started planning everything. I called Brenda and she
thought it would be a wonderful idea and passed it by Jeff. After that it
was all set and now all I had to was find the beach house, not all that
hard. I called my Mom and told her what I had in mind, she thought it was a
good idea as well. I told the guys and Brian said he was going to tag
along, which was cool with me. When the day finally arrived and I walked
into the nursing home I found it to be really nice. I walked up to the
front desk signed in and then started talking with the nurse. "There are a
few things I need to go over with you before you see Mr. Lee. First off he
has gotten a lot better here and most of the wounds on his body have
healed. His condition has gotten a lot better, but he's still not really
there. I don't want to get your hopes up so there's a few things I need to
explain. One he can eat if you feed him, two he will open his eyes every so
often. Three he will move around slightly, but that doesn't mean he knows
what's going on. It's just the nerves in his body reacting to everything
around him."

  "If he gets cold his body will shake slightly, when he's warm again he'll
stop. You'll need to bath him daily and change any bandages that
remain. I'll give you a booklet with more information before you leave. Now
if you'll follow me I'll take you to his room and we'll get him ready to
leave." She stood up and walked away without another word, she was a bit
cold. Brian and I followed her to a room that had two guards posted outside
the doors. "These guys make sure we do our job, Alex this is Mr. Carter,
he's here to pick up Mr. Lee." The big guard looked down at me and nodded
allowing us to pass through. Ash was sitting upright in a bed, his eyes
were open but totally empty. He seemed to look around but it was like he
didn't see anything. When the nurse touched his arm he didn't react in
anyway. "So we're going to play this game today, and I here I was telling
your friends that you react to things. I see you're trying to make me out
to be a lair, that's fine." Everything about the nurse had changed in a
matter of seconds from entering the room. Her voice was filled with
compassion, she even looked different as she moved around the
room. "Mr. Lee and I have this little game going you see, he ignores me
every so often, isn't that right Mr. Lee. Still not answering me I see,
that's going to have to change soon." She was smiling lightly as she pulled
the arm rest on the bed down.

  "If you don't mind, could you call him Ash, he always liked that. If
you're going to get through to him you should call him by his first name."
The nurse looked at Brian, again she changed but for the better. "You
really care a lot about him don't you, from now I'll call him Ash." She
poked Ash in his side slightly and smiled before walking out of the room to
get the wheel chair. I was afraid to touch him for a second, it was like if
I did he might break. Brian didn't have that fear whatsoever as he sat down
beside Ash and started rubbing his hand. "I have a really nice date set up
for us when you wake up if you'll accept. Remember you told me all you
needed was a little time, well you got that didn't you. I don't really know
if you can hear me, but that doesn't matter cause I can just keep on
talking. I can see that your eyes are open and wonder if you can see me, if
you can get ready to laugh." Brian continued to talk and joke around with
Ash, he was even doing some really silly stuff. When the nurse came back in
she just watched Brian for a little while. She pulled me out in the hall
and away from the guards before she started talking. "This may be what Ash
need's to wake him up, but I have a question if you don't mind." I shook my
head slowly and waited, she looked around to make sure no one was in ear
shot. "I can tell that your brothers, twins at that, but why do you have
different last names?"

  "That's a really long story, but I can give you the quick version. We
were separated at birth, we found each other by accident. He kept his name
and I kept mine since it was the name I was given at birth." She nodded
then walked back toward the room before Brian lost any hope. I helped her
put Ash in the wheel chair and we talked on the way out to the van I had
rented. "Now you take care of my boy, if you don't you'll have to deal with
me." Brian laughed and nodded, then we were on our way to the beach
house. Once there Brian carried Ash in without any help, and he didn't want
any help. The day passed by quickly as I fed him and gave him a bath with
Brian's help. The nurse had been right about his reacting to a lot of
things. Before the day was done I was worn out, but Brian seemed to have a
ton of energy. He was sitting beside Ash telling him everything that
happened in the past month. He looked so happy to just be with him that it
broke my heart. I would never have that kind of strength, to just sit there
and talk to him nonstop. The nurse had told us not to get our hopes up, but
I don't think Brian was paying any attention then. With every minute that
passes I could see that Brian was getting happier and happier. I knew it
wasn't good for him, but I didn't have the heart to tell him. He was just
so happy that he reminded me of the Brian that had come back from that trip
he had taken.

  The next morning I found Brian out cold beside Ash who had his eyes
closed. I stood in the doorway and just looked at them for a while. Ash
would move his hand every so often but not much after that. Brian had his
arms wrapped around Ash's waist and his head on his stomach. He looked so
peaceful I didn't want to wake them but I had to so I could feed Ash. I
already had his food ready, if you could really call it food that is. I
wasn't the best cook and I never pretended that I was. Brian could have
done a better job on any given day, that was a given. I woke Brian up first
and told him he needed to grab a shower. He simply nodded and sleepwalked
to the bath, well he wasn't asleep but his eyes were almost all the way
closed. I picked up Ash and carried him into the living room sitting him
down in the arm chair. After I was sure he wouldn't fall out of the chair I
went into the kitchen and got the food. I sat down in front of him and
started feeding him slowly. His eyes remained closed but he was eating, I
guess his body had gotten use to it. When Brian entered the room Ash's eyes
slowly opened up, my heart stopped. Ash didn't look toward Brian they just
remained open, my heart did a small flip. Still I didn't say anything to
Brian, it could have just been his nerves reacting again. No need to give
Brian hope that may not be there. Brian took over and started feeding Ash
for me.

  The day went by just like the last only Brian didn't stop talking
once. He continuously messed Ash's hair up hoping to get some kind of
reaction, he didn't but that didn't stop him. He told Ash that if he didn't
wake up soon he was going to strip him and walk him around the mall. He was
just joking around, but I could have sworn I saw a smile on Ash's face for
a second, then it was gone. I sent Brian to the store so I could have some
time to talk to Ash alone. "I know I'm not the person you want to see right
now, but I need to see you. I really miss you, and I mean that, it's not
just a show like I use to put on. I don't know you all that well, but I
would love for the chance to get to know you. So you see you have to come
back, if not for me, then for Brian. I can't live for you, cause I need you
to show me how to live. I don't think I ever hated you, even when I thought
you were taking everything from me. I still thought that you know it'll
work in time, only times ran out and you don't even see me. I love you now
more than ever because I know who you really are. So please just give me
sign that you understand me, that you forgive me for being so blind. Wake
up and tell me that we can be a family and I can proudly call you my
brother. Tell me that someday I'll have a chance to be just like you, even
if it's just for a moment." I waited but nothing came, and nothing changed,
it was like talking to tombstone.

   Brian got back with some food and other stuff that we needed to take
care of Ash with. After that he pretty much stayed by Ash's side and talked
about nothing at all. Ash didn't react anymore, it was just like he had
turned off the lights. Brian stayed in his room and repeated the last night
without a problem. The rest of the week went by and nothing really
changed. We were getting Ash back in the van and we were on our way back to
the nursing home. Brian was starting to get depressed again, but he was
holding up well enough. We talked to the same nurse and asked her to call
us if there was any change. She agreed but there was a deep sadness in her
eyes as she took Ash back to his room. For a short amount of time I thought
that he was going to wake up and look back at us. He didn't and after
standing in the hallway for ten minutes we walked back to the van. A few
hours later we were on a plane to the next city we were going to perform
in. Brain was mopping around and really wouldn't look up at anyone that
passed. Once we got off the plane Brian turned his cell phone on and kept
his eyes on it. He was waiting for a call that I didn't think would be
coming any time soon, I just wished that he knew that. We got to the hotel
and the guys asked if there was any real change. We told them the truth
which seemed to bring everyone down to Brian's level.

  Day's turned into week's and week's into months, time was passing far to
quickly. There wasn't any change in Ash's condition, if anything he had
only gotten worse as time passed. I had spoken with the nurse, who's name
happened to be Jennie many times. She told me one night that Ash's had
stopped responding to everything around him. He didn't even shake when he
got cold anymore, a painful fact to find out. I knew in my heart that I was
slowly losing him as did the others. Still we didn't talk about it, at
least not around Brian who still held a great amount of hope. When our next
break came Brian was already on his way to see Ash. I didn't have the heart
to go and just have a replay of my last visit. Plus I wanted more time than
I had last time so I could work with him. Then next time I went to get him
it was going to be for a month or more. The idea of only spending a day or
two, or even a week just didn't feel like it was enough. So I stayed back
which didn't really seem to bother Brian all that much. He said it was cool
and he understood then he took off like a bat out of hell. Kevin was
knocking on my door since he was the only one that had stayed. AJ had gone
to see his grandmother and Howie was on a mission to find a cure for
Ash. He said something about looking for a medicine man and then he was
gone.

  I opened the door to find a very upset Kevin on my hands. No one that
could have really have known if you hadn't known him as long as I had. He
looked calm but if you looked into his eyes you could see the waves of
despair, and I knew where this was going. I invited him in, he then took a
seat on the bed and looked up at me before I sat down beside him. "We have
to tell him the truth, cause I can't stand to see him in all this
pain. Brian has to realize that Ash isn't going to wake, that's he's gone
and won't be coming back. You have to help me Nick, cause I don't know what
to do anymore." I looked away knowing that I could never shatter Brian's
world. "If you think this is bad, then you haven't seen anything. When
realizes that Ash isn't coming back that's when all hell is going to break
loose. So no we can't tell him that Ash isn't going to wake up he has to
find out on his own. If we tell him it'll just make him look the other way
with more determination. All we can do is wait and be there for him when he
does realize the truth." Kevin nodded then looked down in defeat, he looked
worse than I had thought. I patted him on his back then walked to the
bathroom. Kevin let himself out and life went on, something I was getting
use to now. Little by little everything was starting to fall apart again.

  I knew that I had most of my family even if an important part was
missing. That was all fine, only it was the band that I was starting to
worry about. Even when AJ was with us he would miss meetings and sleep all
day. When he wasn't sleeping or on stage he was out partying and
drinking. Kevin's marriage was on the rocks and didn't look like it was
going to recover. Brian spent all of his free time either thinking of or
being with Ash. That wasn't so bad but after he got back he was so
depressed. It looked like he was getting weaker everyday that he was
without Ash. Now the only real problem was that there had never been a
Brian and Ash. It had always been just friends, well I guess for the most
part anyway. If Brian and Ash had been in a relationship I could understand
everything he was doing to himself. That wasn't the case, and as far as I
knew they had never kissed once. Then again Brian had always been a dreamer
and at that he could wait forever for something he wanted bad enough. That
was what he was doing now, waiting for a dream that was only a dream. When
Brian came back a few days later he looked worse than before. His eyes were
red rimmed and I could see that he was doing everything to hold back the
tears. I looked to Kevin who had stuck his head out of his door. When I
looked back at Brian I could tell that he was finally starting to see the
truth.

  Another month passed and AJ's grandmother passed away, it broke his
heart. We were all there for him as much as we could be. When we had to go
back on tour AJ stayed back for a little while. He rejoined us a short time
later, only he wasn't who he use to be anymore. On stage it was one thing,
but off stage it was something else all together. He had gotten into
drinking more and staying out later and later each night. He was starting
to remind all of us of a vampire with the way he lived. Still we all knew
that he had to see for himself that he had a problem. In someways it was
good since he took our minds off Ash. The only problem was that it was like
switching problem for problem. Only this time I was going to make sure that
nothing happened to him like what had happened to Ash. When the time
finally came for AJ to ask for help months had passed. No one had gone to
see Ash in a long time, well no one from the band, Mom went to see him once
a week. I hurt my hand and after that we went to TRL to talk with the
fans. We had decided to be as honest as we could with everyone, it had paid
off. AJ had gone into rehab and it gave us time off to find everything that
we had been missing. Brian was heading back to Ash and I was going to hang
out with AJ as much as I could. He was starting to get a little better but
he asked me to go since he needed some time alone.

  I gave into his request and flew back to Florida where I could hang out
with my Mom. Then maybe we could go see Ash together where ever Brian had
taken him with his time off. Kevin was with Kristen trying to work out
their problems without any help from my brother. Howie was on his way home
and then he was going to go visit Ash with Brian. When I got to mom's house
she was sitting on outside waiting for me. "I have some news about Ash,
Brian just called me. He's been trying to get in contact with you for a
while now. I guess you forgot to turn your cell phone on when you got off
the plane." As I looked at my mother my heart slowly slowed down to a
craw. "It seems there won't be a need in going to see Ash at the nursing
home anymore. Since he's finally regained his mental status he's going to
be moving in here." My Mom looked up slowly showing the largest smile I had
ever seen on her lips. I simply couldn't move or speak, it was like a dream
becoming reality. My Mom pinched my arm which happened to hurt a whole hell
of a lot. "I had to pinch myself several times before I believed it was
happening and not a dream." She laughed lightly and patted me on the top of
my head before heading back into the house. I stayed where I was for a
little while, everything was moving to quickly to understand. After running
into the house I tracked my Mom down and asked for some details.

  "Well, it isn't like everything's fine that's why he's moving in here
with us. It's going to take a long time before he's up and moving again. We
have to teach him how to walk and many other things before he'll be
ready. From what I understand Ash's first words were to you. Brian said
that he said that you didn't have to live for him he could do that just
fine." The smile on her face said that he had something else to say besides
that but she kept it to herself. "Brenda, Jeff, and David are on their way
here so they can be here when Ash gets here. Brian's driving him in as we
speak, he should be here in about six or seven hours. Your brother and
sisters are all on their way home so we can have a big party for Ash."
Everything was finally starting to set in as my mind grasped the whole
concept. Life could be starting it's cycle again and this time I was going
to make sure I didn't screw up. If there was a chance that everything could
start to come together again I was going to help it. I couldn't help
smiling as I thought about having my whole family together again. This time
there wouldn't be a missing piece, or a torn relationship, this time it
would be perfect. I didn't care if it killed me, this time everything would
fall into perfect harmony. After turning my cell phone on I called Kevin
wondering if Brian had time to get in contact with him.

  "Hey Kev, have you spoken with Brian any today, no, that's a little
odd. Well, anyway you should get to my house as quickly as you can. Bring
Kristen, and call Howie tell him to get here too. Why, well Ash is on his
way here since he finally woke up." I pulled the phone away from my ear as
Kevin screamed something. "Yeah I heard you'll be here in a few hours, talk
to you then." I hung up and smiled to myself, everything was so good right
now. My Mom was in the kitchen cooking up a storm, I don't think I had seen
her do this in years. I was smart enough to stay out of her way while she
cooked, no need to lose my hurt hand. Three hours passed before all the
Carters were gathered in the living room. Mom was still in the kitchen and
she had only stopped a few times to greet people at the door. Then it was
back into the kitchen where no one dared to enter while she was on her
cooking kick. Every time someone would drive by all eyes would look toward
the door. It was becoming a really bad habit, but I was happy that I wasn't
the only one doing it. When a car pulled up into the drive everyone would
rush to the door. Kevin walked in with Kristen, they both seemed to be in
really high sprits. Then Howie showed up with his Mom and a few of his
friends. I had called AJ to tell him the good news but they wouldn't put
the call through.

  I felt that he was the only missing piece to the group and I felt bad
that he wasn't here. After everyone got to the house that was coming we all
sat and waited for Ash. David was talking with Howie about some stuff I
didn't really understand. While Brenda was in the kitchen with my Mom
trying to help her. I think my Mom was about to throw her out since she
didn't know anything about cooking. When we heard another car pull into the
drive the whole house went silent. Mom rushed out of the kitchen wiping her
hands on a dish towel. Brenda was right behind looking like a million
dollars without a single stain anywhere. Kevin opened the door and walked
outside, he and Brian brought Ash in who was in a wheel chair. He looked
around the room slowly and started smiling widely at the faces he saw. I
had tried to remain hidden behind all the people not want to ruin any mood
he may be in. "Ash can't talk that loudly so if you want to hear him you'll
have to move in really close. Aaron could you hop out of that seat so we
can sit him down there?" Aaron jumped up and tried to help Kevin and Brian
carry Ash to the seat. After Ash sat down he whispered something into
Kevin's ear. Kevin stood up and looked around the room, I had no idea who
he was searching for. Well, that was until he looked at me and waved me
over. I walked over slowly and knelt down in front of Ash who wasn't
smiling anymore.

  I moved closer so I could hear him, still it only sounded like wind
moving past his lips. "If I'm going to teach you anything it's going to be
how to show others your feelings. Now tell everyone to get this party on a
roll so I can eat something besides hospital food." He was smiling again
and I felt like crying because he didn't seem angry anymore. "Ash says to
get this party going so he can have some food." Everyone laughed and the
night started without a hitch. It was amazing at how good this felt to have
most of my friends and family all together. Brian refused to move away from
Ash's side for longer than a minute. Everyone would go to Ash and talk to
him for short amount of time then move away. Brian helped Ash eat some of
the food my Mom had made, but it was always small amounts. Ash said
something to Brian who just nodded and carried him out of the room really
quickly. A few minutes later he came back and asked me to go to my room. I
did as he asked and found Ash laying on my bed with a pleased smile on his
face. After getting close enough to hear him he finally started talking in
low whispers. "This room really brings back memories, last time he fought
over some really silly stuff. Anyway that's not the reason I got you in
here all alone, I have something's I need to tell you. I heard every word
you said to me, and it really meant a lot to me then, it helped." Ash had
tears softly falling from his eyes, I tried my best to wipe them away.

  "I always thought that there was this part of you that would always hate
me. I tried everything in my power to reach out to you, but I just didn't
have the strength. To give you some kind of sign that I had heard you. That
I had forgiven you a long time ago, your words just helped. When you said
that you loved me it made my mind spin in circles. I just had to tell you
that I love you, and that no matter what you would always be my brother.
Even if you hated me, or loved me, that it was something that will never
change. It doesn't matter if I'm six feet under or standing right beside
you. You are my brother and you always will be, and I love you because of
that." Ash was taking deep breaths trying to regain some lost air. I turned
to see Brian standing in the door, he had a small smile on his face. When I
looked back to Ash I couldn't find the words to tell him how I felt. So I
just let the tears fall and pulled him into my arms where I held him for a
while. I listened to him breath and his heart beat evenly, but so slowly.
Slowly I felt arms wrap around my lower waist, the action itself sent my
heart flying. I knew how much it was taking for him to hug me. It was so
hard for him to even talk, to move had to be painful for him. We sat there
holding one another for what seemed like an endless amount of time.

To Be Continued
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Other stories that I've written
Falling, The Sryin, The Lost, Broken, It's A Wonderful Life, Gemini, Ghost,
Where You Are, Libra, Simple Twist Of Fate, Angelic, and The Last Kiss Good
Night