Date: Sun, 03 Dec 2000 07:15:18 -0000
From: JT
Subject: Fated Love: chapter 10

     Chapter 10: Bite Me a Thousand Times But Don't Leave Me

	"Why do you decide to go away now Tom?  Shouldn't you be around the people
you love so they could comfort you?" Brian asked me when we were driving to
Virginia.
	"Everybody deals with his problem in his own way Brian.  When I have
problems, I want to be by myself.  I want to be alone so that I could think
clearly, so that whatever decisions I make, I would make it on my own.  I
don't want to be influenced by anybody Brian.  That way I won't regret
whatever I decide to do later."
	"I'm sorry!  I didn't know" Brian said lowly.
	"Sorry for what Brian?" I asked him.
	"I didn't know you want to be alone.  I shouldn't have asked to go with
you"
	"Don't be crazy Brian!  I do want you to go with me" I said truthfully.
	"But you just said you want to be alone when you have problems?" Brian
asked confusingly.
	"But I don't have any more problem Brian.  I already made up my mind about
leaving when I was in the hospital.  I can't stay there anymore, not now.  I
need to be in a new environment where I could start everything new, and
forget everything that has just happened.  Do you mind taking over?  I'm so
tired now"
	"Sure! You can sleep while I drive.  We'll stop and eat when you wake up"
	"Thanks Brian!" I said as I pulled over on the side so we could switch.
	"You're welcome Tom!"
	Sleep didn't come easily for me.  I sat there closing my eyes trying to
sleep but I couldn't.  I was thinking about everything and anything.  After
about half an hour of trying, I gave up "Damn it! I'm so tired but I
couldn't shut my damn eyes" I cursed.
	"It's never easy to sleep with so many things on your mind"
	"Tell me about it!"
	"Are you hungry Tom?  Do you want me to get off some exit and get something
to eat?" Brian asked.
	"Na! I'm not hungry.  Are you?  We can stop somewhere if you're hungry" I
replied.
	"I'm not hungry either.  You want to talk?" Brian asked timidly.
	"We better do Brian.  This is a long drive.  I will die from boredom if we
don't" I laughed.
	He snickered "What about your family Tom?  Wouldn't they worry about your
whereabouts?"
	"I already left a note for them.  I know it would upset my mom very much
but I have to do this."
	"Do you need anything Tom?  You need…money?" Brian asked me hesitantly.
	"I'm fine.  I'm not rich like you, but I have some money.   My grandparents
left me some when they died.  But thanks anyway Brian"  I smiled at him.


	"Tom! Wake up! Wake up!" Brian screamed.
	"What? What happened?" I asked drowsily.
	"You felt asleep.  You've been in here for so long.  I was so worried when
I didn't see you come out.  Hurry up! Get out or you will get sick" He urged
me.
	I must have slept for a while because the water was getting cold.  I
shivered when I stood up and walked out of the tub.  Brian stepped forward
and began to dry me up with the towel he grabbed nearby.  Somehow I wasn't
embarrassed as I stood there letting him drying me up.  JC was the first one
and the only one that has seen me totally naked till now.  I looked at
Brian's face, his face was full of concerns and worries.  I wished that it
wasn't Brian at that moment.  I wished it was JC here drying me up instead
of him.
	He suddenly looked up and looked into my eyes "You wish I was him didn't
you?" Brian spoke suddenly after looking at me for a little.
	I was so shocked after hearing what he just said "Wow! I know that I'm easy
to get over.  I know that I'm easy to be replaced, but I didn't know I'm
that predictable too" I mumbled.
	"You're not predictable Tom.  It's just that you have this look when you
think about JC.  And you are definitely not easy to be replaced"
	"Not even two weeks Brian.  He found somebody in less than two weeks
already Brian" I said with a great amount of jealousy and pain.
	"Trust me Tom.  You're anything but easy to be replaced.  I know that"
Brian spoke flatly.
	"It doesn't matter anyway.  I told myself that I have to put everything
behind.  I know it will be hard but I know someday I will be able to get
over him.  I know someday I will be able to forget him.  Thanks Brian" I
said as I took the towel from his hand and began drying myself up.  When I
finished, I wrapped it around my lower body and walked out of the bathroom.
I walked to my bags to get some clothes.
	"You want to eat something?  I will order it for you" Brian asked me as he
followed me out into the bedroom.
	"No thanks Brian.  I don't feel like eating anything.  I'm gonna get
changed and go to sleep" I said as I went into the bathroom.
	When I came out of the bathroom, Brian was sitting on the bed flipping the
channels with the remote in his hand "Why did you want to take a room with
two beds instead of two rooms Brian?" I asked him.
	"Because I don't want you to be alone tonight Tom"
	I hesitated for a few seconds then asked "Do you have feelings for me
Brian?"
	"Yes, I do" Brian said without any hesitation "I will be lying if I say I'm
not in love with you.  But you don't have to worry Tom.  I won't try
anything on you.  Especially now, after everything that you went through.  I
want to be in the same room with you tonight because you're my friend, and
I'm worried and concerned about you."
	I sat down next to him, and sighed "I'm sorry Brian that wasn't what I was
afraid of when I asked you.  I really like you Brian.  I wish that there's
more between us, but I'm sorry I have to tell you that we can't be anything
more than friends.  I don't think I'm ready to start another relationship
yet.  I still love JC very much and I always will even if we won't get back
together.  I don't think I can love another person, not for a long time.  I
want to tell you this so that you won't waste your time with me.  I hope you
understand"
	"I understand.  I'm just happy to be your friend.  I know from the
beginning that there won't be a chance for us.  I'm well prepared for it
Tom.  You don't have to worry" Brian smiled dryly "There's a reason why you
wear your ring like that isn't there?" Brian asked as he pointed to the ring
that JC gave me.  I have taken it off my finger and wore it around my neck
with the pendant.
	"What made you think that there's a reason?" I smiled at him.
	"Because I know you.  I know the way you think.  You wouldn't do it just
for nothing.  It has to mean something"
	"Since when do you become so smart?" I laughed.
	"Well?" he pressed on.
	"Let's go to sleep.  We have a long drive tomorrow, and I'm exhausted" I
said as I got up and walked to the other bed "Good night Brian!"
	"Good night Tom!"

	Six months may not be a long time, but it was long enough for a person to
settle down in a new place.  It was long enough for a person to adapt to the
new environment.  For the first couple months, I tried to forget JC through
smoking and drinking.  But smoking only blackened my lungs, and drinking
only burnt my liver.  But time can heal any wound and my wound was no
exception.  I managed to get over him slowly with the supports of Melissa,
Amy and JC.  Just as I thought I finally got over him.  Just as I thought I
moved on with my life.  He appeared in front of my door one morning.
	"I'm coming!" I said when I heard the doorbell I was so shocked when I saw
him.
	"Hi Tom! How are you doing?"
	"Very good! Very good! You?" I asked quickly.
	"The same" he said sadly "Can I come in?  I really need to talk to you"
	"Sure! Come on in" I stepped aside to let him enter "So what bring you
here?" I asked him when we sat down in the living room.
	"You" he said flatly "I told you before that I wouldn't give up on you.  I
asked you to give me another chance before and so I'm here to ask you
again."
	I didn't say anything.  I just sat there silently contemplating what to
say.
	"I used to be so happy Tom.  I have everything a person wanted.  I had a
career that I enjoyed.  I had my family and I had the person I love so much.
  Everything happened so fast and I lost almost everything in such a short
period of time."
	"You still haven't made up with your family?" I interrupted him.
	"No Tom.  I was going crazy after you left.  I couldn't do anything.  The
only thing in my mind was to find you.  My mother tried to talk to me so
many times but I never spoke to her since."
	"You should make up with her JC.  It's been a long time already.  You
should go back to your family.  They are more important than I am"
	"No Tom, nobody is more important to me than you are.  You should have
known that" he looked at me sadly.
	"Yes JC.  You can find another boyfriend but you can't find another parent
or sister or brother JC.  Go back and talk to your mom JC, explain to her
that you're still the same JC as before.  Give her a chance.  She loves
you."
	"No, she doesn't.  if she loves me, then shouldn't have acted the way she
had."
	"Yes, she does JC or it wouldn't have bothered her so much.  She really
loves you and cares about you."
	"Even if I have my family back I still don't have you" he cut me off.
	"We can't be together anymore JC.  We are not meant for each other" I said
sadly "We were together for only a short period of time and look so many
things have happened.  I don't think there will be a happy ending for us JC.
  Like one thing I know for certain.  What would you do if the media find
out about us?  What would you do if you have to make a decision to give up
either me or your career?"
	He pondered for a few seconds then looked at me and said "If there's a day
that I have to come out to the whole world then I will do it.  If there's a
day that I have to announce our relationship, then I will do it.  I will
never give you up Tom."
	"You have to let it go JC" I sighed "You have to forget about me.  Love
ends JC"
	"No Tom.  Love doesn't end, only you end it"
	"Then you have to end your love for me too JC" I said as I took off my
necklace "I've wanted to give you back this ring for so many times but I
couldn't do it before.  I think it's time for me to give it back to you.
There's no point for me to keep it any more.  I'm sorry if I hurt you when
I'll say this but I have moved on JC.  I loved you, and I'll always will but
I don't love you at the same moment anymore.  I don't think we can be
together anymore" I was so surprised that I could tell him all these calmly.
	He didn't say anything.
	"You have to let it go.  I know it's hard but if I can do it then you can
do it too" I said as I gave him the ring "Someday you will find somebody,
somebody who is worthy of you."

	I didn't know if I should be happy or sad.  I didn't know if I should be
happy when I realized that I'm finally over him.  It's just that I didn't
feel anything, no pain, nothing.  Was it really true that love ends.
	"How are you feeling honey?" Amy asked me as she was laying her head in my
lap.
	"Good!" I answered as I ran my finger through her curly hair "Really good
in fact.  It's like I just lifted of a huge rock off my chest.  I'm so happy
that you two come.  You couldn't pick a better time."
	Amy sat up a little and gave me a kiss "We're glad that we came too"
	"Can I kiss you?" I grinned when I asked her.
	She raised an eyebrow as she looked at me then burst out laughing.
	"What?" I asked innocently.
	"You're just happy that you're single again aren't you?" Kenny smiled and
cut in.
	"You know something? I actually feel good being single again" I snickered
"I mean I've been single all along, but this is the first time I really feel
like it if you know what I mean"
	"We know what you mean.  So are you really over him?" Amy asked me.
	"I think so" I said "I still love him but I have no intention of going back
to him."
	"Is it because of the pendant?" Kenny asked.
	Kenny questioned hit me hard as I thought for a few seconds then said "I
don't know.  I really can't answer you that"
	"I know how your mind thinks Tom.  You think that you are over him but you
really aren't.  You just try to suppress it.  You're a very spiritual person
Tom, and I believe the reason you don't want to get back to him is because
he broke the pendant.  You would have given him another chance if he hadn't
broken the pendant.  But I hope you won't be hurt anymore with the decision
you made"
	I sat there absorbed in what Kenny just said "You may be right Kenny, but I
still think that it won't work out for me and him.  It's best that I finally
ended it now"
	"I agreed" Kenny said.
	"And I know there's another reason why you don't want to go back to JC" Amy
said.
	"There is?" I asked surprisingly "It seemed like you two know me better
than I know myself" I laughed.
	"It's Brian.  You're falling for him"
	"No, I'm not.  I told him from the beginning that we can't be anything more
than friends" I argued.
	"You may not notice.  You may not realize it but I think Brian is the other
reason.  You're falling for him Tom, and I don't blame you.  He's a very
sweet guy, and he was always there for you when you really needed somebody.
You may disagree but I do believe that he's taking an important place in
your heart already."
	Again I sat there silently absorbed in what Amy just said.  I knew that
Brian and I have gotten closer than before, but I wasn't really sure about
what Amy just told me.  I was still really unsure if I'm falling for Brian.
	"I agree with Amy totally Tom.  I've seen the way you look at him
sometimes" Melissa spoke for the first time "And that's why you gave JC back
his ring."
	"I gave JC back his ring because there's no point in keeping it"
	"And it also says that you're ready to start another relationship"
	I was about to say something, but interrupted by the doorbell "I got it"
Kenny got up and walked to the door.
	"Hi Kenny! How are you doing"
	"Brian?" Kenny exclaimed.
	Amy looked at me as she raised an eyebrow "Speaking of the devil"
	"I'm sorry.  Come on in Brian" we heard Kenny spoke.
	"Hi Tom! Hi Melissa! Hi Amy! How are you guys doing?" he greeted us.
	"Hi Brian!" we all spoke at the same time.
	"Sit down Brian! You want something to drink?" Melissa asked him.
	"No thanks! I'm fine!"
	"What are you doing here Brian?" I asked him "Why didn't you give me a call
before you come?"
	"I just want to surprise you.  We have a little break, and I haven't seen
you for a long time so I decided to come and visit me.  I hope I'm not
coming at a bad time" he smiled.
	"You couldn't come at a better time" Amy mumbled.
	"I'm sorry?"
	"Nothing.  Nothing" Amy quickly explained "I said you're here just at the
right time.  We're about to go out and have dinner.  You want to join us
Brian?"
	"Sure!  Where are we going?"
	"We don't know yet.  What are we having guys?" Amy asked.
	"Chinese" Kenny quickly gave his suggestion.
	"Brian, Mel. what about you two?" Amy asked them.
	"Chinese is fine to me" Brian answered.
	"I don't care.  I'll eat anything" Melissa giggled.
	"You don't have to tell us Mel.  We know you really well by now" I laughed
"What about you Amy?  What do you want?" I asked her as I ran my fingers
through her curly hair.
	"Are you up for Sushi?"
	"You know it's my favorite Amy, but what about Brian?  Can you eat Sushi
Brian?"
	"Uh…uh…I've never had it, but I can try" he said hesitantly.
	"You don't have to eat Sushi if you don't want to Brian.  They have kitchen
food.  You can order those" I said.
	"You two suck.  You never take my suggestion" Kenny whined.
	"I don't know about Amy, but I haven't for a long time Kenny" I snickered.
	Kenny rolled his eyes and gave me the middle finger.
	"Tempting! Tempting! But no thanks" I laughed.
	"Ok! If we don't have Chinese, at least can we go and see a movie after
dinner? Don't you two dare to say no?"
	Amy and I grinned at each other then we both said at the same time "NO."
	"You know this is freaking unfair.  I have to find a new friend who will
back me up.  I can't rely on that fish over there" Kenny said as he pointed
to Melissa "And forget about this dude.  He's too nice.  He goes along with
anything.  You two are always ganging up against me.  I have to find
somebody so it will be two against two" Kenny whined and pouted.
	"Ok! Ok! We will go to a movie afterward Kenny.  Stop being such a baby" I
said.
	"Hehehe!  I know I will get you if I put you on a guilt trip Tom"


	"Ok! What movie are we seeing guys" I asked.
	"How about X-Men?  I want to see James Marsden in that tight leather
outfit.  Hmm yummy!" Kenny closed his eyes to create a mental picture of his
obsession for James Marsden.
	"Na! I want to see The Gladiators.  I heard it's really good" Amy said.
	"Oh boy!  Here it goes again" I mumbled.
	"Shut up woman!  You can never let me enjoy a little excitement of seeing
my man can you?" Kenny crossed his arms looking at Amy.
	"Yup! That's my mission for getting into this life.  Making your life
miserable" Amy grinned.
	"And you're doing a really good job mate" Kenny laughed as he walked behind
Amy to hug her and gave her a kiss "Since I love you so much, we can watch
The Gladiators."
	"Thanks god for Russell Crowe and his muscle" I snickered knowing why Kenny
gave in so easily.
	"You know me too well huh Tommy boy?" Kenny nodded as he grinned at me.
	"What about you two?  What do you want to see?" I asked Melissa and Brian.
	"Gladiators is good" both of them answered.
	"I don't know why you even bother to ask them Tom.  You know they go along
with everything.  That fish doesn't have a mind of her own, and I told you
forget about Brian.  He's too nice"
	"I do have a mind of my own thank you very much Kenny" Melissa stuck her
tongue out at Kenny.
	He quickly tried to grab it with his index finger and his thumb, but she
managed to back away "Lucky you!  If I had gotten hold of that tongue I
would have stretched so long that you would have become a Mutant and marry
that Toad in X-men" Kenny laughed.

     The film was pretty good, and everybody was really captured by it.
While I was very deep into the film, I rested my arm on the armrest, just to
find that Brian had his arm there already.  But the armrest was big enough
so I left it there.  I could sense the presence of his arm.  The warmth,
heat emancipated from his arm attracted my attention from the film, but I
quickly ignored it.  After a while, Brian moved a little and repositioned
himself.  I didn't know if he did it on purpose or it was an accident, but
he moved his arm a little too close to me on the armrest.  Part of his arm
was now resting on my arm, and I could feel the soft layer of hair on his
arm.  The sensation was so nice and warm.  I was thinking at what Amy and
Kenny told me back home.  I wondered if I was really falling for him.  I was
so deep into my thoughts that I totally forgot about the film and forgot to
draw my arm away.  We stayed like that for a few minutes, suddenly Brian
moved his arm around a little and held my hand gentle.  His fingers slowly
moved in between my fingers as he gently wrapped them around my fingers.  We
continued to hold hands as we watched the movie, but the movie became
irrevalent.  Once in a while Brian would squeeze my hand gently.  The
feeling was really nice, and I really liked it.  Out of the corner of my
eyes I saw Brian smile happily when I looked at him.  I suddenly experienced
a feeling inside of me that I couldn't understand, a feeling of confusion,
awkwardness and happiness.  I realized that I did have feeling for Brian,
but at the same time I was trying to hold it back.  Half of me was aching of
longing to be with him while the other half was doing everything it could to
stop me from being with Brian, the half that was still loving JC.
	"That was a really good movie" Kenny said when we were outside of the
theater.
	"Yeah it was a really excellent movie.  It was the best movie I've ever
seen" Brian said excitedly as he looked at me.
	I didn't know why but I turned away to evade his eyes.  I didn't know why
but I felt uneasy looking at him.  Through the whole drive home, he was
really quiet.  I didn't participate in any conversation as I kept looking
outside through the window.  Millions of thoughts ran through my mind.  When
I turned my head back in and looked at him, I saw he was staring at me.  I
nodded and smiled at him.

	That night after everybody said goodnight and went to sleep, Brian and I
stayed behind and sat in the living room.
	"I think we need to talk Brian" I told him.
	He just nodded.
	I took a few seconds trying to come up with what I wanted to say while
Brian sat there silently "I have to tell you something Brian.  I just gave
JC back his ring a few days ago.  I really ended my relationship with him
for good this time.  I want to be honest and tell you that I just found out
that I have feeling for you just before you came through the conversation
with Amy and Melissa.  But as much as I like you Brian, I don't know if I'm
ready to start a new relationship right now."
	"I was really happy back then in the theater Tom.  I thought I was
dreaming, and I love every second I held your hand.  I know that you've been
hurt, and I know that you're scared to start a new relationship.  But you
can't let the past interferes with what you're having now.  I know that you
loved JC, and you'll always love him.  I know that your heart was broken.  I
want to be the person to heal your heart Tom.  I want to be the harbor that
you can anchor after traveling for so long.  Just give me a chance to show
you my love for you.  I promise you I will try to make you happy Tom" Brian
spoke softly as he has moved closer and held my hands "Give me, give you,
give us a chance"
	I was really touched by his words.  All I could do was nodded.
	"Thank you Tom" Brian said happily as he leaned in and gave me a soft kiss
on my lips.  I looked at him when he pulled back, his face was full of
tenderness and love.  He sighed as he pulled me in and hugged me.  I also
sighed happily and rest my head on his shoulder as his arms wrapped gently
around me.
	"It's really late Brian.  I think you should go" I said after a while.
	"When can I see you again tomorrow?"
	"How about we will have lunch tomorrow together?  Just the two of us, then
we can decide what to do for the rest of the day after lunch."
	"Sound good to me.  I'll see you tomorrow.  Goodnight Tom"
	"Goodnight Brian.  I'll see you tomorrow" I said as I walked him to the
door.
	He suddenly wrapped my arms and pulled me in to kiss me.  This wasn't a
soft kiss like the first one.  His lips pressed tightly against mine, and I
felt his tongue slowly licked my lips.  I opened my mouth to let his tongue
enter.  We kissed passionately for a while.  Brian sighed when we pulled
back "I wish that I could stay here tonight.  I wish that I could sleep by
your side tonight while holding you in my arms.  But I know that you're not
ready for that yet.  Oh! I've been dreaming about that for so long Tom.  I
can't wait till that happens.  I can't wait till I'll be able to hold you
close to me in my sleep" there was a tremendous amount of love in his voice.
	"Someday Brian.  Someday" I said moved by his words.
	"Can I kiss you again? Just one last one before I go.  One last one to
remember how you taste so I can dream about you all night tonight"
	"You don't have to ask Brian"

	I slept really good that night.  I haven't felt so good like that after
waking up for a long time.  I sat in the living room sipping my coffee and
read the morning paper.  Everybody else was still sleeping even though it
was nine something already.  Suddenly the bell rang.  I wondered who it
could be at this early in the morning.  I walked to the door and looked
through the little window on the door.  I couldn't believe my eyes as I saw
Tyler stood outside.  I quickly opened the door.
	"Hi Tom! How are you doing?" he greeted me.
	"I'm very good.  Thank you Tyler.  How are you doing? And what are you
doing here?"
	"I came here to look for you Tom.  I really want to talk to you"
	I thought for a few seconds and said "You want to wait inside for a little
while?  I'll go and get change then we can go and talk in a coffee shop
nearby"
	"Sure!"
	"K!  I'll be right down"

	"So what brings you here Tyler?" I asked him when we were at the café.  We
have chosen a very secluded table.
	"You can guess what brings me here Tom.  I know you have a very good idea
why I'm here today" Tyler answered.
	I suddenly became very worried.  I panically asked "Something happened to
him?"
	"No, no, nothing bad happens to him.  Actually I should say yes.  I mean
he's not physically hurt so you don't have to worry" Tyler quickly
explained.
	I sighed in relief "Then what happens Tyler?  Why are you here?"
	"He told me that you two broke up for good this time.  He told me that
there's no more chance for you two anymore.  Is it true?"
	"Yes Tyler.  Is that why you're here?  What did he say?  Are you coming
here to blame me or something?" I said harshly.
	"NO, NO" Tyler quickly said "It's not why I'm here.  I just came here to
ask you if there's any way you can give him another chance.  I just came
here to ask you if there's any chance you'll take him back"
	"Huh?" I was so shocked at what Tyler just said.
	"He was devastated when he came back from seeing you Tom.  He was
devastated when he came home crying.  He hasn't been home for a long time.
Not even once since we found out about you and him.  He has never spoken to
us since then.  He cried so much when he came home Tom.  You should have
seen him when he was pleading for my mom, for us to help him.  It was
breaking my heart.  I've never seen JC cry before, not even once in my whole
life.  Do you know what he told us?" Tyler asked me softly and I could see
his eyes were watering.
	"After he got in the house and saw my mom, he fell down and cried.  Then he
pleaded to my mother.  I still remembered every single word he said.  He
said 'Mom, I need your help.  Please help me Mom.  Please help me.  I need
him.  I need him so bad.  Please Mom, please help me to get him back.  I'll
go crazy without him Mom.  I'll die if I don't have him.  I don't think I
can live anymore without him Mom.'
I've never seen him hurt like that before Tom.  Please Tom, I'm begging you.
  Please give him another chance.  He told me everything happened.  He was
really sorry that he didn't give you a chance to explain what happened
between you and Ethan.  He was really sorry with what he's done to you Tom.
Now he's dying for a chance to make it up to you.  If you love him, please
give him another chance"
	I sat there motionlessly.  I couldn't say anything.
	"Was it because of the pendant?  You don't want to get back to him because
he broke the pendant?" Tyler asked.
	"It's only one of the reasons Tyler" I said.
	"I know from what Justin, Lance and Josh told me that you're a very
spiritual person.  I know that the pendant means a lot to you.  I know that
it symbolizes everything, but it's still an object Tom.  You shouldn't let
it determine the true happiness you can have with him.  No matter what the
pendant is already broken.  You shouldn't let that broken pendant breaks
your love.  What you two have are real and more important.  What he and you
have is worth much more than that pendant.  Please consider what I'm asking
Tom"
	"I don't know Tyler.  I'm really confused right now.  I love JC.  I'll love
him for the rest of my life.  There's no doubt about that.  But I don't know
if I can get back with him.  I can't tell you yes Tyler.  I have to think
about it.  I'm sorry I need to go now" I quickly excused myself.  I needed
to go away to think about what Tyler just told me.
	"When can I see you again?  When can I talk to you again?" Tyler asked.
	"I don't know Tyler.  I'm sorry but I can't tell you anything now"
	"Ok! Here's my number.  Please call me if you need to talk to me" Tyler
gave me a piece of paper with his number on it.
	"K!  Bye Tyler"

        After I said good bye to Tyler, I was so confused.  I didn't know
what I should do.  I walked around aimlessly for hours, went to see movies
that I couldn't remember anything about them.  When I got out of the movie
theater, it was 9 something at night.  I totally forgot about lunch with
Brian.  As I dragged my exhausted body home, anger and rage suddenly rushed
to me.  How could this happen to me? Just as I was about to move on with my
life, JC appeared and disrupted everything I've been trying to build.  What
would happen to Brian and me?  We weren't even given a chance for our
relationship to thrive.  I questioned myself if I really began to love
Brian?  Or am I just using him to get over JC? Yes I believed that in my
heart, I have a spot for Brian.  I do believe that I began to love him.  But
I knew for sure that he could never replace JC.  Nobody could ever replace
him.  Then I realized that I've been lying to myself the entire time because
I realized that the harder I tried to forget JC, the more I missed him, and
the more I wanted to go back to him.
      But I was so scared.  I was so scared of getting hurt again.  I could
make it last time, but if it ever happens again, I doubt that I will make it
through another breakup with him.  It has been over six months, yet the
wound was still fresh like yesterday.  I had endured enough pain through the
breakup to last for a lifetime.  I would never want to relive that again.  I
didn't even notice that I have pulled off in front of the house.  I was
surprised that I hadn't got into an accident while I was driving with so
many things on my mind.  I leaned back in the chair and sighed in
frustration.  When I got in the house I was so shock to see Brian was
waiting for me in the living room.  I felt so guilty when I saw him.
     "I'm sorry Brian, I forgot about our lunch"
     "It's ok Tom" he quickly cut me off "I met Tyler and we talked.  I
understand.  I booked a ticket for you already.  You'll be leaving at 10
o'clock in the morning.  You should go and see him" he stopped talking and
looked away sadly.
     I just sat there in disbelief.  I couldn't understand why Brian did
what he did "Why do you want me to go and see him?  What makes you think
that I want to see him?" I said loudly and angrily.  I just wanted to blame
on somebody for the anger inside of me, and there wasn't anybody else better
than Brian.
    "I know you want to see him Tom or it wouldn't bother you this much" he
explained.
   "Aren't you afraid that if I see him, I'll get back with him.   Then
there won't be a chance for you and me.  Haven't you thought about that?" I
asked wonderingly.
    "Yes, I thought about it" he nodded sadly.
    "Then why did you do it?"
    "Because I know that you still love him very much and it's been killing
you since you talked to Tyler"
    "But what about you and me? I thought that you love me too.  Don't you
love me Brian?  Why are you pushing me into his hand?"
   "Off course I love you Tom.  I love you very much.  But love is not
seizing.  Love is not taking Tom.  Love is giving.  When you love somebody,
his happiness is your happiness.  I don't know if you will be happy if
you're with me, but I know for sure that you will be if you're with him.  I
love you Tom and I want you to love me too.  I can't make you forget JC
because I know that would be impossible.  What I want to say is I already
decided Tom.  I'll be waiting for you.  I will stand by whatever decision
you make.  If you decide to go back to JC, I will be happy for you and wish
you all the best.  But if you find it in your heart that you love me, if you
find it in your heart that there will be a chance for us to be together,
then you know how to contact me.  I will be waiting for your decision" Brian
finished as tears rolled down his face.
    I couldn't say anything.  I was speechless as I sat there looking at
him. I could never imagine how much he loves me.  I used to think that
nothing could compare to the love I have for JC.  I used to think that
nobody loves somebody else as much as I love JC.  But how wrong I was! I
remembered once I told JC that he could sleep with Justin if he wants to.  I
thought that I did it for love.  I did it because I didn't want to see JC
suffered.  But now I realized that I did it because I was selfish.  I did it
because I was afraid of losing him.  I made the offer so that JC would still
stay with me, so that he wouldn't leave me.  Now when I saw what Brian did
for me, I felt so ashamed of myself.  Here I was, always thinking that I'm a
Romeo, a killer for romance, and I would do anything for love, only to find
out that I'm nothing but a fool.
    When I looked at Brian, he smiled at me sadly.  His face was so sad, so
sad that I couldn't even describe it. "Oh Brian!  I wish that we had met
earlier.  I wish that fate had brought us together sooner, then we would
have never been as miserable as we are now" I said as I approached him.  I
held his face with my hands and looked deeply into his eyes.  I pulled him
closer to kiss him.  I've never kissed anybody else beside JC, and I've
never intended to, and Brian was the second person that i kiss.  There was
something about Brian that attracted me so much beside his good look, and
that was his golden heart.  He is the sweetest, the most caring and genuine
person I've ever seen.
    We were so into the kiss that I didn't even realize that I have
pushed him down on the sofa as I lay on top of him.  I began to unbutton his
shirt as my hands soon explored his muscular chest and his strong firm back.
  His skin felt so smooth and silky when it came in contact with my hands.
I didn't even notice that I have begun to grind my crotch into his as my
hands slowly reached for the buttons of his pants, but I was stopped by
Brian's hands.
    "I'm sorry Tom.  I would love to make love to you but I can't do that
now.  I can't do that until I know that you're mine.  I can't do that until
I know that you belong to me and you have given me your heart" Brian spoke
sincerely.
    "I can tell you for sure that I love you Brian.  I never love  anybody
else beside JC, but I know for sure now that I love you so much.  I want to
make love to you Brian.  I want to prove to you that I truly love you.  Even
if it doesn't work out between us, even if I go back to JC, I still want to
be with you, just for one.  I want to keep this memory in my mind for the
rest of my life even if I'm with JC."
He sighed sadly "How could you say that Tom? Do you realize that your words
make me feel so happy, so happy, yet at the same time they are like
thousands of daggers stabbing into my heart?"
     I was so confused by his words that I couldn't say anything.
     "You don't know how happy you make me feel when you told me you love me
Tom.  But I know for sure this time when you go to see him, you'll get back
to him.  If we make love, this may be a sweet memory for you.  You may want
to remember for the rest of your life but I won't Tom.  It's already hard
enough for me to try not to love you anymore than I do right now.  It's
already hard enough for me to hand you to him, I don't think I have enough
strength to go through what you're asking.  How will I be able to live for
the rest of my life with this memory without you by my side if we make love?
  But if that's what you want, then I do it, I do anything you ask Tom
because I love you that much.  Even if I have to suffer for the rest of my
life remembering you, I won't regret it" Brian poured his heart out as he
caressed my cheeks with the back of his fingers, wiping slowly away some
tears that have began to roll down my face.
     Again, I was so shocked after I heard what he told me.  I would have
never imagined he loves me this much.  I felt down on his chest as I cried
and cried, flooding his chest with my tears.  He let me cry on his chest as
his hands rubbed my back slowly making me cry even more "I'm so sorry Brian.
  I'm so sorry.  Why am I so stupid? Why do I keep hurting the people I love
so much?"  I said through my sob. "You're right Brian.  We shouldn't do
this.  I want my first time with you to be special.  I want my first time
with you to be followed another one, and another one.  But could you do
something for me Brian?"
     "Anything Tom.  Name it and it's yours"
     "Can you stay here with me tonight?  I want you to hold me when I'll
sleep tonight"
     "I would love to Tom" he smiled.
     Later that night, I felt so happy when I got into the bed with Brian.
He pulled me into his strong arms as I snuggled close against his body.  I
pressed my face tightly against his chest while I wrapped my arms around
him.
	"Goodnight Tom!"
        "Goodnight Brian! And I love you" I said as I kissed his heart.  I
felt his grip tightened a little.
       The next morning when I was about to get on the plane, I couldn't
bear to look at Brian.  Have you seen the video "Show me the meaning of
being lonely"? The expression on Brian's face was similar to the one when he
pushed the hospital door open and walked out.  His face was so sad, so sad
that I couldn't bring myself to look at him.  I waved goodbye to him and
quickly walked away after hearing his last words "I'll wait for your
decision."
      I flopped down on my seat and closed my eyes.  I realized that my love
for Brian was getting stronger and stronger by the second.  I was really
confused because I couldn't decide whom I would want to be with.  I knew
that if I choose Brian, I could still live very happy with him.  But what's
about JC? I really want to go back to him.  I do want to give us another
chance.  I wondered at myself how it is possible that I could love tow
person so much at the same time.
    I took out my cellphone and dialed Justin's number "Hello Justin?"
    "Tom? Is that you?" Justin asked excitedly.
     "Yes, it's me Justin" I laughed as I pictured Justin's innocent face
"Can you do me a favor?"
      "It's yours dude!" he said flatly.
      "Thanks Justin! You're awesome.  Can you come and pick me up at the
airport?"
      "Oh my God! Oh my God!  Off course I can pick you up.  I can't believe
it.  I can't believe you're coming" he was screaming so loud that I had to
take the phone away from my ear.
      "Calm down Justin! And thank you dude" I laughed and gave him the time
and flight number.
      "You're welcome anytime bro"
"Ok! I'll see you later Justin.  Take care Justin and I love you heaps"
      "I love you too Tom, and I'll see you later"
When I arrived at the airport, I looked around for Justin.  I had a feeling
that he wasn't alone.  Soon I spot him and Lance stood at a corner and it
looked like the saw me coming out so they approached me. Both of them were
wearing hats that hid half of their faces.  I wouldn't recognize them if I
hadn't expected them here.  Justin pulled me into a hug that almost
suffocated me.
      "Oh! Let me go Justin! You're killing me here" I laughed.
      "I'm so happy to see you again Tom" he patted on my back before
letting go off me.
      "Same here Justin, same here" I said as I walked over to Lance and
gave him a hug.
      "Good to see you again Tom.  Now let's get out of here before we're
mobbed' Lance was put in the control mode immediately.
      "Ok! Let's go!"
      Once we were in the car, Justin asked me immediately "So what makes
you change your mind and come to see him?"
      That's what I love about Justin.  He's innocent, straightforward,
very loyal, and very concerned about his friends.  I'm so glad that we
became friends despite everything that happened between us. "I talked to
Tyler yesterday" I didn't say anything more.
      "Oh!" that was all Justin said.  He dropped the subject because he
knew I didn't want to talk about it.
      The rest of the drive, the three of us talked about everything that
has happened in our lives since we last saw each other.  We were so engaged
in the conversation I didn't even notice that we arrived. When i saw the car
stopped, I couldn't understand why but my body was stiffened.  I became very
nervous.  I didn't know what I was going to say when I meet him.  Lance saw
this because he patted on my shoulder and said "It's ok Tom!"
      When I entered the house, I was startled because I was lifted up in
the air by Joey. He spinned me around.  I couldn't help but laughed so hard
when he put me down.
      "You should have called earlier Tom so Chris and I could go and pick
you up too."
      "Yeah! We came here immediately the minute Curly told us" Chris said
as he pulled me into a hug.
      "I haven't seen you guys for a long time, and this is how you tow
treat me.  You started the blame game the second you saw me?  Can't you at
least ask how I am first before putting me on a guilt trip here?" I joked.
      "Fine! Fine! Fine! Joey and I are fine.  How are you doing? We're
actin like this because we're so happy to see you.  Geesh! Please forgive
our manners." Chris said as he threw up his hands up in the air.
      We all laughed at his stupid gesture.  I looked around and couldn't
find JC anywhere "Where's he guys?" I asked lowly.
      The room immediately got quiet as everybody looked at me "He's
sleeping in his room" Lance spoke softly.
      "I'm sorry guys. I'll talk to you later.  I really want to see him
now"
      They all nodded, and nobody said anything.  I walked away sadly.  I
turned around and smiled at them before I went upstairs into JC's bedroom.
I knocked on the door, but he didn't answer so I just opened the door and
let myself in.  my face grimaced as I looked around the room.  Alcohol
bottles and clothes were scattered all over the bed and floor.  The room was
strongly filled with the smell of alcohol and dirty laundry and stale air.
The shades were down.  I walked to the windows and pulled them up a little
to let fresh air get in.  JC was lying on his stomach.  His face was pressed
into the pillow.  Suddenly I became so nervous. I didn't know what I should
do.  Should I wake him up? Even if I wake him up what am I gonna say? I
sighed heavily as I sat down in a corner, leaning my back against the wall.
I just sat there looking at his motionless body, sleeping on the bed.  I
didn't know how long I sat there but I knew I sat there for a long time.
    Time seemed to fly so slowly as I sat there planning in my head so many
things I want to tell him when he wakes up.  My heart jumped when JC
stirred.  He suddenly sat up in a crouching position, grabbing his head with
both hands.  He sat like that for about fifteen minutes then he flopped back
down on the bed.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a box.  He
opened it and stared at the object inside the box.  Since I sat in the
opposite direction, I couldn't see what was inside.
      He sighed after looking at the box for a while "How could I be so
stupid? How could I throw away the most beautiful thing that comes in my
life"
      The whole time I just sat there like a statue watching every little
movements he made.
      "Why didn't you give me another chance baby?  I know that I don't
deserve it but you're the most forgiving person I've ever seen. I thought
you would have forgiven me.  I thought you would have given me another
chance. All I need is five minutes to explain everything.  All I need is
five minutes to make it up to you.  If only you have given me five minutes
TT. Everything would work out" he sobbed.
      "You will have the rest of your life to make it up to me" I suddenly
spoke.
      JC quickly sat and looked at me.  He stared at me for a few seconds,
then he rubbed his eyes.  Both of us got up at the same time as we walked
slowly to each other.  Tears began to roll down my face as the vision of him
became blurry, and I saw tears also rolled down his cheeks. I ran to his
open arms.  We quickly held on to each others as if we're afraid if we
loosen our grip, the other would vanish.  Then I cried into his chest as he
kissed frantically on my head while he also poured his heart out.  We cried
and cried.  Finally I pulled back a little and looked at him.
      When he saw me looking at him, he smiled and said "I miss you baby.  I
miss you so much"
      I didn't say anything as I moved forward and bit his shoulder.  I bit
so hard that I could feel all the muscle in his body contracted as he fought
against the pain.  Yet he didn't stop me from biting him.  He didn't say
anything as he let me continue to bite his shoulder.  When I let go of his
shoulder, I cried again.  I cried so much that my body was shaking.
      JC kept wiping the tears away from my face with his thumbs, and said
"I'm sorry baby.  I'm so sorry for hurting you this much. If it makes you
feel better, then bite me again.  Bite me a hundred times, bite me a
thousand times but don't leave me.  Please tell me you come and take me
back.  Please tell me you come and save me from this misery.  That pain is
nothing compared to the pain my heart feels.  Please don't leave me my love"
he was pleading desperately to me as he fell down on his knees.  His arms
wrapped tightly around my legs.  His face pressed hard into my stomach as he
cried.
      I ran my fingers through his hair "I love you too Joshua Scott Chases.
  I love you so much.  Yes you're right when you said that the pain from the
biting is nothing compared to the pain your heart feels.  If you ever leave
me again, just remember the pain on your shoulder and multiply it by a
thousand times.  Because that how painful you'll hurt me if you leave me."

     That's it for now everybody.  I know it was a long time since the last
chapter, but i made up for it.  I stayed up till two something to finish
this chapter.  I hope you will like it.  It's not as good as i wanted it to
be since i'm rushing to send it in. I've been thinking about writing a
separate story that have Brian and Tom together instead of JC and Tom
getting back together. I don't know if it's a good idea.