Date: Tue, 14 Mar 2000 19:32:46 CET
From: Chris Hanson <chris_h81no@hotmail.com>
Subject: "Flowers Never Bend With The Rainfall" Part 5
Disclaimer:
This story is a product of my imagination. I am in no way
implying that Nick Carter is gay.
Lars and the rest of the characters in this story is truely a
product of my imagination. All resemblance to any real life
persons is purely a coincidence.
This story contains/or will some day contain sexual relations by
adult males. If you are not into that or it is illegal in your
state/country, please leave now. Or else, sit back and enjoy.
I am not a native English speaker. Thus there might be some spelling
and grammar mistakes. I hereby apologise for those. Also I am not into
much American slang, so the language might seem a bit formal. Sorry for
that. This is also my first attempt to write such a story.
Feedback has been very slow lately. Have people stopped reading my story?
Thanks, however, to those who have e-mailed me. You know who you are.
Now on with the story...
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For Scott, whose support and comments has made this part possible
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"Flowers Never Bend With The Rainfall" by Chris
Part 5 "Keep passing the open windows"
The sun is burning in the sky. Strands of clouds go slowly drifting by.
In the park the lazy breeze are joining in the flowers, among the trees.
And the sun burns in the sky.
Lars was sitting on the porch. He was thinking. He was thinking about Nick,
the man he loved. The one who meant the most in his life. 'Oh God, Nick. You
don't even know how I feel about you,' he though to himself. As he pictured
the image of the sweet, handsom, young blonde, he could see Jane Carter
heading towards the Carter residence. Lars felt like running to her and beat
the shit out of her. She was the one responsible for Nick being in the
hospital. He didn't. He knew that it wouldn't do no good.
Lars had never been Christian. He had never before turned to God in a
prayer.
But now he felt that he had tried everything in his power to make Nick well.
He looked up to the sky to face the Lord.
Dear God,
The man I love more than everything is lying
in coma at the hospital. He has never done
anything to hurt anyone. Not you. Not anyone.
If you are up there, why have you done this
to such a beautiful and wonderful man? WHY?
Lars screamed from the top of his lunges. "WHY?"
I promise you God, if you make Nick wake up and
be alright I will leave. I promise. I promise
I will leave. I have caused nothing but pain in
Nick's life. I love him. I love him more than life
itself, but I see that he is better off without
me. Please God, make him alright. I will leave.
Lars was crying now. He couldn't control himself. He promised himself that
if Nick lived through this he would leave. He would leave Nick so that he
could have a better life. A life without someone who caused him nothing but
pain.
"What's wrong sweetie?" Martha put her arm around her nephews neck.
"I want Nick to be well," Lars sobbed. "It's all my fault, auntie. I have
caused nothing but pain upon Nick."
"Oh, Lars. It's not your fault. Nothing is. The only thing you are guilty
of are loving him. You have done nothing wrong, Lars."
"But if he hadn't met me, he wouldn't have tried to kill himself again,"
Lars said lowly.
"Again? Do you mean that he has tried it before?" Martha asked shocked.
"Yes, but Brian saved him in the last minute. It was right after he told
his parents that he was...ehh..uhh"
"Gay, you mean?" Martha finished.
"You know?"
"Of course I know. I pretty much figured it out a couple of years ago,"
Martha answered.
"Why didn't you tell me," Lars asked.
"I though it was best if you found out for yourself. But I didn't dream
that this was the way you would find out. But I'm sure he'll be okay,"
Martha said comfortly.
"I hope so," Lars said as he buried his face into his aunt's shoulder.
-----------------------------------------
Lars stepped into the big reception area at the hospital. It had become
quite familiar to him now. He went to Nick's room, but stopped outside when
he heard yelling from inside it.
"You are not allowed to talk to that boy. I am sure he is a fag!" A female
voice was yelling from the inside.
"But Mom..." Nick said with his quiver voice.
"Don't *but* me Nick. You know I am right. You are not to see that fag
again. Look what he has done to you."
"We don't even know if he is gay mom, so don't talk about Lars that way.
And HE didn't do anything to me. YOU did!"
"Don't you dare talk to your mother that way," Robert Carter yelled to his
son. "You will tell her that you are sorry, now!"
Lars had severe problems to remain standing. He wanted to die. It was his
fault that Nick's parents were yelling at him. He ran out of the hospital,
out into the streets. He ran until he had problems breathing. He fell
together on a grass lawn and cried. He was trembling severly.
"Hey, are you okay man?" a voice said from behind.
Lars didn't turn around. He buried his face into his hands.
"What's wrong? You are trembling like hell," the voice said.
Lars looked up and saw a boy sitting down in front of him. He had to be the
same age as Lars.
"What's wrong?" he asked again.
"Everything!" Lars sobbed and started to cry again.
The young man put his arm around Lars and comforted him. They sat like that
for a long time. The boy rocking Lars back and forth and Lars willingly
accepting the comfort from the stranger.
After a while Lars stopped crying and sat down beside the boy. The boy put
out a hand.
"Hi! I'm Justin," he said. "Nice to meet you."
"My name is Lars," Lars responded. "Likewise."
Lars liked Justin. He could tell immediately.
"Are you okay now?" Justin asked concerned.
"Yes, I think so," Lars answered. "Thank you for everything."
They both rose to their feet. They shook hands and parted.
Lars walked back to the hospital. He needed to see Nick. He needed to
explain that he was going to leave, that he was going back to Norway. For
the second time that day he stood in front of Nick's door. There were no
yelling now, but he could hear a low sobbing from inside the room. He
slowly pushed the door open and stepped inside. Nick had crawled together
in the middle of the bed and was sobbing. Lars walked towards the bed and
sat down beside Nick and put his arms around his friend. Nick looked up and
buried his face into Lars' shoulder. He cried. Lars cried. No one said a
word.
"Nick. I need to tell you something," Lars begun. "I am going home to
Norway Nick. I leave tomorrow. I love you. I love you more than you ever
can imagine. But I think you're best off without me."
"But..." Nick started.
"No Nick. This is for the best."
As he said that, Lars walked out of the room. He never looked back.
-----------------------------------------
The plane had been in the air for 5 hours. Lars was staring out of the
window. He looked at the sun and the clouds as the sound of music was
floating through his head from his CD-player.
Maybe it's intuition
Some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
and there it goes
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
There's just no rhyme or reason
only a sense of completion
and in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I found my way home
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe
A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I found you
Lars was crying. But deep inside he knew he had done the right thing. Now
that Nick was all right he could go on with his life without Lars in his
life making it hard. It was going to be hard to forget about Nick, but he
had to try. Lars too had to go on with his life. 'I can never look back,'
he thought to himself.
"We are now about to land at Trondheim Airport, Værnes. Please fasten
your seatbealts and make sure that the tables in front of you are in a
secured position. We hope you have had a pleasant flight, and thank you for
flying SAS."
Lars yawned. The stewardess had woke him up, but he didn't mind. He was
happy to be home. He left the plane and walked into the arrival area. He
looked around for his parents. It didn't take him long to find them though
because his brother came running towards him.
-----------------------------------------
"Hi Lars! Welcome back," Ninni, Lars class teacher pulled him into a hug.
Lars felt happy to be back at school and that he was taking his first step
towards a life without Nick. Lars had told Brian to make sure that Nick
didn't try to contact him nor come looking for him. Brian had reluctantly
agreed.
Lars was standing in front of his class.
"I might as well tell you this now. You will probably hear it sometime
anyway. I am gay. If anyone had a problem with that, so...screw you."
"I for sure is very proud of you Lars," Ninni said.
"So am I," Christian his best friend said and walked up to him and gave him
a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
It turned out that no one had any problems with him being gay. No one
showed it anyway.
-----------------------------------------
Lars was sitting in his room listening to the radio. The family and
relatives had just left. It was Lars' birthday. He turned 19. He didn't
feel happy though. He missed Nick. He had tried his best the past two
months to forget him, but he couldn't. A song on the radio captured his
attention. It was "Hold on" by Sarah McLachlan.
Hold on
Hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell
Hold on
Hold on to yourself
you know that only time will tell
What is it in me that refuses to believe
this isn't easier than the real thing
My love
you know that you're my best friend
you know I'd do anything for you
my love
let nothing come between us
my love for you is strong and true
Am I in heaven here or am I...
at the crossroads I am standing
So now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
that you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll
see another day and we will praise it
and love the light that brings a smile
across your face
Oh god if you're out there won't you hear me
I know that we've never talked before
oh god the man I love is leaving
won't you take him when he comes to your door
Am I in heaven here or am I in hell
at the crossroads I am standing
So now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
that you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll
see another day and we will praise it
and love the light that brings a smile
across your face...
Hold on
hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell
'Let nothing come between us'. Lars cried. He knew that no matter how
strong his love was for Nick, something would always come between them. He
looked at the picture of Nick and Brian, which he had got from Brian.
'Forget and never look back,' Lars thought to himself as he set the picture
on fire.
"And now we have a special birthday greeting to a very special man. Lars,
if you are listening - this is a greeting and love from yours forever,
Nicholas," the man on the radio said.
Open up your heart to me
And say what's on your mind, oh yes
I know that we have been through so much pain
But I still need you in my life this time, and...
I need you tonight
I need you right now
I know deep within my heart
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right
I really need you tonight
I figured out what to say to you
But sometimes the words they, they come out so wrong,
oh yes they do
And I know in time that you will understand
That what we have is so right this time, and...
I need you tonight
I need you right now
I know deep within my heart
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right
All those endless times we tried to make it last forever more
And baby I know
I need you
I know deep within my heart
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right
I really need you, oh
I need you tonight - I need you, oh I need you baby
I need you right now - It's gotta be this, it's gotta be this
I know deep within my heart
No, it's doesn't matter if it's wrong or right
All I know is baby
I really need you tonight
"Oh my God," Lars exclaimed as tear were streaming down his cheeks.
TO BE CONTINUED
So that was part 5 of my story. I hope you all liked it. Feedback
is WANTED and you can e-mail your comments, suggestions and questions
to chris_h81no@hotmail.com. I always reply to those who e-mail me. And
I need to get some feedback now. I need to know if someone is reading the
story.
"I knew I loved you" is from Savage Garden's "Affirmation" (c)1999
"Hold on" is (c) Sarah McLachlan
"I need you tonight" is from the Backstreet Boys album "Millennium" (c)1999