Date: Sat, 12 Feb 2000 16:17:58 MST
From: DJs Tale <djs_tale@hotmail.com>
Subject: Forever 33-36

Well, I was writing a little on 'Forever' this morning, and I realized
that I'd passed 300 pages already.  300 pages in my Word source file,
anyway ;-)  So, I thought I'd 'celebrate' with my one or two faithful
readers and post another section a little sooner than normal.  Hope
y'all like it.



Disclaimer
----------
	The story contained here is entirely in the (possibly unbalanced)
mind of its author.  As much as I might like to bear Kevin's children (which
would be nothing short of a miracle), I have no idea if he or any of the
other BSB is actually gay.  If they are, and they read this, they should
certainly exercise their right to free speech and e-mail me to complain
all about it.  Readers should enjoy the fantasy, but remember that
reality may be (and probably is) dramatically different.

	Don't read this little tale of love if you're too young where you
live.  Don't read this little tale of love if it's illegal where you live.
If either of those two things applies to where you live, I recommend that
you MOVE!!!

And now...'Forever'...

Chapter 33

	I spent as much of the next week as possible with Lindsay.  I
needed her support, her guidance.  The announcement of Kev's
`engagement' bothered me a lot more than I let on to him, not only
because of the fact that he was bi, but also for the fact that I knew
that I'd...that WE'D never be able to announce our own wedding plans
that way.

	I knew when I started dating a Backstreet Boy, when I started
dating Kevin, that I'd have to keep our relationship a secret from
nearly everyone.  The fact is that, even with the more exposed-to-the-
world philosophies of your average teenager these days, if Kev was
suddenly removed from the `date-able pool' for being gay, then a lot of
his fans would turn away from him.

	I thought I'd accepted this, that I'd accepted the circumstances
of our life together.  Now, I was being confronted with one of the
negatives of that life.  It was kind of a slap in the face.

	I knew that it was possible, and even likely, that we'd
eventually be able to have some kind of commitment ceremony, that Kev
would be able to come out enough that we could become a couple in front
of our friends, at least.  I should've been happy with that, but
somehow I wasn't.

	I guess I was just...jealous.  Kari, whether just a friend or
not, was able to publicly proclaim her `love' for Kevin.  She was able
to stand up to friend and family and say "I'm with him, and he's with
me."  I was being forced to stand behind the man I love while he told
everyone around him that he was in love with someone else.  While I
knew that Kev loved me, it was still damn difficult to swallow.

	I started to avoid Kevin a little over the next week.  When he
called, I was distracted, subdued.  I'm sure he noticed, but he never
pressed me about it.  He just told me about his day, asked me about
mine, told me he loved me, then hung up.

	There were a couple of nights that I didn't answer when he
called.  One of those nights, I'd made the mistake of watching MTV news
again.  Apparently, someone had managed to get a picture of Kevin with
his fiance.  It had been taken that day.  I'm not sure how she ended up
with him on the tour, but there it was.  And they were `deliriously
happy' as they kissed in front of the camera.

	If anyone had ever told me that I'd see a picture of my boyfriend
kissing someone else, anyone else, like that and didn't just kill him,
I'd have told them they were full of it.  While I wasn't an insanely
jealous and possessive type, there were certain things that I didn't
share.  My lover was one of `em.

	"Lindsay, I'm not sure if I can do this," I said one night.  We
were sitting on her patio, just enjoying the still coolness of the
evening.  It had been just over two weeks since I'd left Kev & the
guys, and just over one week since Kev's `engagement' had been
announced.

	Thankfully, Lindsay knew that now wasn't the time for humor.  I
needed her more serious nature at the moment.  I needed her help.

	I hadn't spoken to Kevin for three days now.  The last time had
been the night before I saw the picture.  And that had only been a
quick `I love you' in the middle of the night.

	I knew I was breaking my promise to him.  I had promised that I
wouldn't pull away, that we would talk things out.  But, this time
there was nothing to talk about.  His career made changing this
situation impossible.  I really didn't know what to say to him, and I
knew it would only make him feel worse if he knew how much this was
hurting me.  So, like a coward, I just avoided it by avoiding him.

	"Dylan, you knew going into this what you were getting into,
sweetie," she replied back.  One thing that I always enjoyed about
Lindsay was the fact that she never pulled her punches.  She always
told it straight.

	"I know, Lindsay, but I had no idea how hard this would really
be," I told her.  "I have to sit here everyday and watch him announcing
to the world that he's in love with someone else.  It's bad enough that
I have to be kept secret, like our relationship is dirty somehow.  But
to have to watch him laughing and hugging and kissing someone else." I
trailed off.

	"I know it's hard for you, Dylan.  But what do you want to do
about it?" she asked.  "Do you want to leave him?"  I think I surprised
her when I actually had to stop and think about it.

	"I don't know, Linds.  And that scares the hell out of me," I
whispered into the night.  "Two weeks ago, I would've said `hell no'.
Living without Kevin would be like trying to live without oxygen.  But,
can I keep this up?  Can I constantly lie to everyone I know about
this, about him, about us?  What's worse, can I stand to keep watching
him with her?"

	"Lindsay, what happens when the time actually comes around for a
wedding?"

	"Is Kevin actually planning on going through with a wedding?" she
asked, incredulous.

	"I don't honestly know.  We haven't talked about it at all since
it happened.  I haven't even talked to him since Saturday," I told her.

	"Why not?"

	"The news on Sunday had a picture of Kevin and Kari, that's `the
other woman' by the way, kissing.  And it didn't look like either one
of them was exactly unhappy," I sighed.  I decided to voice another of
my fears.

	"Lindsay, he's bi.  What if he decides he wants that life?  What
if he chooses the standard wife and kids and home over the life he'd
get with me?  I'm so scared of losing him to something I have
absolutely no way of fighting against.  A family, being able to be seen
in public without being worried for your career or you future."

	"Does Kev know how you feel about this?" she asked.

	"About him being bi?  Yeah, a little.  We talked about it the
first night I found out about Kari.  I didn't know he was bi before
that.  But, I kinda let him think that I was more ok with it than I
really am," I said.

	"Dylan, you ass!" she exclaimed.  I was a little surprised at
her...vehemence.

	"What?  What'd I do?"

	"I'll tell you what you did.  You've been lying to him.  And
you've been holding back, pulling away from him.  You can't do that if
you expect this thing to work," she was nearly shouting at me.  I was
lucky there was nothing she could throw at me within reaching distance.
"Relationships, especially long distance ones, have to be based on
honesty, on trust.  Kev has to know that you'll be honest with him when
he's not around, just like you have to know the same from him."

	"Dylan, have you ever considered how hard this is on Kevin?  You
have to watch it.  He has to live it.  Not only does he have to lie to
everyone about who he's in love with, but he also has to live with how
this is hurting you.  You know that he's gotta know how this is
affecting you.  You haven't spoken to him in three days!  And, I'd lay
money down that you also weren't all that talkative when you were
speaking to him, were you?"  She always managed to hit it right on the
head.  Or me right on the head, as the case may be.

	I just nodded.  I was a little ashamed to admit that she was
right.  That I'd been avoiding talking to him because I didn't know
what to say.  And that I'd probably been hurting him because of it.

	"Dammit," I stood, pacing her patio, "this would be so much
easier if he were here.  If I could at least curl up next to him at
night, if I could have his arms around me.  It wouldn't be near as bad
having to see him on the news with her if he was in bed with me at the
end of the day," I said.  I couldn't manage to keep the whiny tone out
of my voice.

	"Dylan, get over it," she scolded me.  "You have a choice here.
You either leave him and make a clean break for both of you, or you
accept the fact that this is how his world works.  And you TRUST HIM.
He's said he loves you.  He's said that he won't leave you, even for a
woman given the choice.  And you're still being paranoid.  That alone
is gonna kill your relationship with him."

	Like I said, she could always be counted on to say it straight.
I thought for a moment, but I knew what I had to do.

	"Lindsay, I need to go.  I have to call him, straighten this out.
If I can't be with him, I at least need him to know how I feel, and
that I'm sorry," I stated, my voice a little desperate.  She just
nodded and tilted her head for the door.

	I ran out of the house and got in my car.  I'm probably lucky as
hell that I didn't get picked up.  And that I didn't kill anyone along
the way.  I was driving the Grand Prix like I was at Daytona.

	When I got home, it was past 11:00.  I dug through the papers on
my desk, trying to find their schedule.  It wasn't there.  I checked
the kitchen and dining room.  Not there either.  My apartment was
beginning to look like I'd let loose a tornado in there.  Finally, I
remembered that it was in the bedroom, on the table next to my bed.

	I picked up the phone, grabbing the paper and finding their
current hotel.  They didn't have a show that night.  I just hoped, and
even prayed a little, that he'd be there.  I got through, and after
some performing for the desk clerk, got transferred to Kev's room.

	"Hello?" he answered.  He didn't sound that good.

	"Kev, I love you," I blurted out.

	"Dylan?" he asked.

	"Who else would call and say `I love you' like that?" I asked, a
hint of humor sneaking into my voice.

	"I'm just surprised, I guess.  I hadn't heard from you in a
while." his voice faded.

	"Kev, I'm so sorry.  I saw a picture of you and Kari on the news
and it just freaked me out and I didn't want to lay this all on you
cause I knew it would just make it harder on you but I pulled away and
made it harder on you anyway but Linds made me see what an ass I was
being and," I rambled on for a bit before he interrupted me.

	"Dylan!  Calm down, baby," he said.  "It's ok.  I understand."

	"Kev, I was so wrong to do this," I started again, more calm this
time.  "I just...I freaked.  Up til now, I hadn't really been
so...forcefully confronted with what your career really meant to our
relationship.  Having to see you with her, having to watch you looking
happy with her, having to lie to everyone about you and I.  I just let
it get to me too much.  I'm sorry," I said.  I was nearly in tears.

	"Shhhh, D, it's ok.  Baby, I know it's hard on you.  It's hard on
me, too.  I'll be home in a few days.  Please, just hold out until
then.  We'll be together, and we'll work all of this out.  I promise."

	"Ok, Kev," I agreed.  Just a few more days.  "When are you flying
in?"

	"Well, we're not.  The last show's on Saturday night.  We're
getting on the bus right after it's done and heading down that way.  We
won't be back until late Sunday," he said, almost sounding apologetic.

	"Oh.  Ok.  Will I see you on Sunday?" I asked hopefully.

	"I don't know, sweetie.  Maybe we should plan for Monday,
instead.  We're gonna have a lot of stuff to get done on Sunday, and we
won't be back until really late."

	"I understand.  Can you come here on Monday?  I have to work, ya
know. No vacation, yet," I said with a little smile.

	"Yeah, count on it.  I'll be there."

	"Good.  Listen, I'd better go.  I just wanted to call and
apologize, and tell you that I love you.  Very much," I said.

	"I love you, too.  Get some rest.  Talk to you tomorrow?" he
asked a little hesitantly.

	"I'd love to.  Gimme a call when you have a free second," I
replied.  "G'night, love."

	"G'night, D," he replied.  And then he was gone.



Chapter 34

	A loud bang brought me out of a sound sleep.  I lay there in the
dark, wondering if it had actually happened or if it had just been in
my dream.  Then it came again.  There was someone at the front door.

	I glanced over at the clock on the dresser.  It was just after
3:00am.  Who the hell would be here at this hour?  I tried to remember
if Lindsay was working tonight or not.

	Once in a while, Lindsay had...a bad night.  A particularly
brutal crime victim or an unusual problem with a patient.  When that
happened, she usually came over here when she had a break and talked it
out.  I didn't really mind too much.  She was there for me when I
needed her, so I would always be there for her.

	The knock sounded again, this time a bit louder.  I figured I'd
better get up and answer it before the neighbors woke up and got pissed
about it.  I grabbed a pair of boxers and a t-shirt.

	Kev was due back in tomorrow.  I could hardly wait.  Now I really
was counting the time, and not just for Lindsay anymore.  Even though I
wouldn't see him until the next day, he would be `home'.  He just
seemed closer, somehow, more available.  We weren't together, but I
knew we could be in the space of an hour or two.

	I slid down the stairs, coming to the door.  I checked the
peephole, just to be sure, but I couldn't see her.  It wasn't too
unusual.  If I forgot to change the light bulb, which I usually did for
a few days, it was almost impossible to see who was standing on the
porch.  I carefully opened the door.

	And saw the most beautiful, if slightly tired, green eyes that
I'd ever seen.

	"Kevin?!?!"  I exclaimed.

	"Surprise, sweetie," he said, his voice tired.  I quickly pulled
him inside and shut the door.  I was in his arms a second later.

	"Oh, Kev," was all I could get out.  "Oh, I missed you SO much!"

	"I missed you, too, D," he said, his voice barely above a
whisper.

	He hugged me tightly as I squeezed back.  It felt so good just to
hold him.  I took in everything I could.  His scent, his touch, how he
felt under my hands.  Everything.

	He seemed pretty tired.  Actually, when I thought about it, he
was probably exhausted.  To get here when he did, he would've had to've
caught a plane right after the show.  I know shows took a lot out of
him, and sleeping on a plane isn't usually very comfortable.

	We stood there, I don't know for how long, just holding each
other.  Eventually, I pulled back.  He needed sleep, and I needed to
hold him.

	"Come on, hon.  Let's go to bed," I said, taking his hand to lead
him upstairs.  He nodded, his eyes barely slits in his face.  He just
kinda stumbled behind me.

	I walked him into my room and over to the bed.  I stripped his
clothes off of him.  I wanted to take the time to savor it a little
more, but I knew we'd have time later for that.  I pushed him down on
the bed, then quickly took off my boxers and shirt.

	I slipped in next to him, wrapping my arms around him.  He
snuggled up next to me, resting his head just above my shoulder.  His
breath whispered against my neck as he laid his arm across my chest and
his legs within mine.  I think he was already asleep by then.

	"I love you, Kev.  Welcome home," I said softly, reaching over to
stroke his face.  He surprised me by answering.

	"Mmmmmm, love you, too, D," and then he was passed out.

	I lay there while he slept, just savoring the feel of him next to
me.  I couldn't believe I'd ever considered leaving him, especially
over something that he couldn't control.  None of that mattered.  Not
Kari, not the Firm's plans to pawn her off as his fiance.  None of it.
The only thing that mattered was Kev and I.  As sappy as it was, that
was my last thought as I joined him in sleep.



	When I woke up, Kevin was nearly on top of me.  His head was
still on the pillow next to mine, his mouth resting just away from my
neck.  His chest was on mine, his legs intertwined with mine.  He felt
so good on top of me.

	I slowly started to stroke his back, lightly running my hand up
and down his spine.  I felt a tremor go through him.  He shifted a
little, moving more on top of me and squeezing his arms against my
sides.  It felt...nice.

	I kept stroking his back.  A few seconds later, he shifted again,
this time pressing his hips into me.  He was obviously enjoying his
dream.  Whatever it was.  I felt his lips press into my neck.

	"Mmmmmmm, mornin', baby," he said softly.  I loved his voice in
the morning.  That cute Kentucky accent of his was even stronger when
he'd just woken up.

	"Hey, sweetie, how're ya doin'?" I asked.  I felt him flex his
hips again.

	"Pretty good," he replied with a laugh in his voice.  His head
was still on my shoulder, his mouth against my neck.

	"How'd you sleep?" I asked.

	"Perfect," he sighed.  "You were here, and that made it `home'.
How'd ya like the surprise?"  I squeezed him to me a little.

	"It was great, Kev.  How'd you pull it off?  I thought you
weren't supposed to be back to Orlando even until tonight."

	"Well," he began, "I've been fighting with management a lot the
last two weeks.  Ever since they decided to announce that about Kari.
It bugged the hell outta me that they were making me feel ashamed of
our relationship.  I decided after we talked the other day that I'd
been away from you too long, and told them they'd better arrange to get
me back right after the show.  Otherwise, I'd have to make my own
plans, which probably meant I'd have to leave before the show."

	"They were actually putting up a pretty good fight.  I didn't
think that they'd do it, until Bri and the other guys raised some hell,
too.  Said they'd all be sick for the show if management didn't do
something to get us all home," he continued.

	"All the guys stepped in?" I asked.  I was a little surprised
that they'd do that for us.

	"Yes, D, all the guys," he said with a smile.  "They knew how bad
I wanted to get back.  And they were anxious themselves.  Since we
couldn't get a commercial flight into Tampa that late, management even
rented us a private plane."

	"Cool.  A private plane, huh?  Did it say `Backstreet Boys' on
the side?" I joked, referring to their `I Want It That Way' video.  He
obviously caught the reference.

	"No, dear, it didn't say `Backstreet Boys' on it," he said,
pausing.  "It said `NSync'," he added with a chuckle.

	"Oh, stealing the plane from the competition, huh?" I asked,
tickling his side a little.

	"Oh, you know it, man!  Besides, we're all one big `Jive Records'
family, remember?"  We both laughed.

	"Did the guys head back to Orlando, Kev?"

	"No.  We got in too late, and we forgot to arrange some
transportation for `em, so they spent the night at a hotel and." he
faded out.

	"Yes?"  I asked, figuring he was going to ask me something.

	"Well, I thought we could drive the guys up to Orlando today," he
said, a bit hesitantly.

	"Sure," I said, "that sounds fine.  Only two problems."

	"What?"

	"Well, I drive a sports car, remember?  The Grand Prix isn't
exactly made for four passengers in the back seat.  I know you guys are
close, but I don't think the others would enjoy being THAT close," I
said with a little smirk.

	"Hell, I forgot what kinda car you drive," he paused, thinking.
"Well, we can rent a car, I guess.  Shouldn't be a big deal.  What's
the other problem?"

	"I need to come back today.  I have to work tomorrow, remember?"

	"Don't you mean `we' need to come back today?"

	"Well, I didn't wanna speak for you, dear," I said back.  But, I
was thrilled that he'd decided to come back.  "What time are we
supposed to pick up the guys?"

	"I told `em we'd be there around 10:00."

	"Well, then you'd better get that hot naked butt outta bed, stud.
It's already 9:15," I pointed to the clock on the dresser.

	"Damn," he said.  "I was hoping for a little more time with you
in bed," he ground his hips into mine.

	"Mmmmm, someone's feelin' a little frisky, huh?" I said, pushing
back into him, too.  "And we're gonna be late if you don't get in the
shower," I laughed at him.  He sighed.

	"Ok.  Ok.  I give up," he said.  He leaned in and kissed my neck,
letting his tongue slip out against my skin.  A shiver ran up my spine.
"You wanna join me in the shower?"

	"Oh, baby, nothing would make me happier," I sighed, squeezing my
hands against his back.  "But, if we do, I guarantee the guys will
NEVER get to Orlando today," I chuckled at him.

	"Yeah, I guess you're right."  He slid off of me, moving to the
edge of the bed.  I grabbed his arm.

	"Aren't you forgetting something?" I asked.  From the questioning
look on his face, I figured he had no clue what I was talking about.  I
decided I'd give him a hands-on lesson.

	I wrapped a hand behind his neck and pulled his mouth to mine.  I
slid my tongue between his lips, driving it into his mouth as deep as I
could get it.  His tongue moved up against mine, pushing it back as he
slid his into my mouth.  We traded back and forth for a few moments as
the passion rose between us.  I finally pulled away, and both of us
were out of breath.

	"Good morning," I panted.  He just stared at me for a moment.  I
could see the heat in his eyes.  The seconds ticked by before he
finally said anything.

	"Screw the guys," he said as he moved back, pushing me down and
putting his mouth to mine.  He kicked the blankets off of me and slid
his body on top of mine again.

	It had been two weeks since we'd been together, and two weeks
since I'd had any kind of release.  Having Kevin in my arms was enough
alone to get me excited.  Hell, having Kevin in the same time zone
could usually get me excited.  Having him kiss me with this much fire
nearly put me over the edge.

	He pushed his hips into mine, grinding our hard shafts against
one another.  The feel of his cock on mine was incredibly erotic, and
totally hot.  He continued to kiss me, running his tongue deep into my
mouth.

	I could feel his movements getting faster.  As sad as it seemed,
I hoped it meant that he was getting close, cause I was already near
the point of no return.  It amazed me how...well, HORNY he could make
me with just a touch.  And then it hit me.

	I groaned into his mouth as my body tensed, then I felt the surge
through me as I shot between our bodies.  My nerves were on fire.  I
could feel him all over my body where he touched me.  I felt like I'd
been branded along the entire front of my body.  A moment later, I felt
him stiffen on top of me as his load joined mine, pooled between our
bodies, gluing us together.  It seemed...right somehow.

	His movements slowed down, and the frenzied passion cooled a
little.  He slid his mouth off of mine and kissed down my cheek.  When
his lips reached my ear, I felt a shudder pass through me.  He'd found
my biggest weak spot.  I think he figured that out by the chuckle he
let out and the fact that his tongue licked around the edge of my ear.
I groaned underneath him, wrapping my arms and legs tightly around him,
holding him to me.

	"Good morning back," he said.  It took me a second for my mind to
start functioning again and catch on to what he meant.  When I did, I
chuckled.

	"I definitely need to hire you out as my alarm clock.  I
guarantee NO morning DJ has ever gotten me awake like that," I said,
still chuckling at him.  He thought that was pretty funny.  He buried
his face in my neck and just lay there.

	"Oh, D, I'll wake you up like this as often as possible, ok?" he
mumbled.

	"Deal," I said.  "Now, we really need to get going, babe."

	"Yeah, you're right.  Especially since we both need a shower
pretty bad, now," was his reply.

	"Well, since we put out the fire, for a minute, anyway, we could
probably give each other a hand cleaning up," I said.  He just nodded
as he slid off of me.



Chapter 35

	We actually managed to get through the shower without too much
delay, although we did both get a little excited.  Come on.  Kevin
Richardson, naked and dripping wet.  You'd get excited, too.

	We were only 20 minutes late picking up the guys.  We'd taken a
cab over to a car rental place before heading to the guys' hotel.  We
got one of those monster SUV's, the kind that gets about two miles per
gallon if you really babied it.  What the hell.  Kevin could afford the
gas, I guess.

	When we pulled up to the hotel, I volunteered to go get the guys.
I figured they'd probably be ready since we were late.  Sure enough,
they were sitting off to one side, apparently trying not to be noticed.
I never really figured how four guys in baseball hats and sunglasses
could go totally unnoticed sitting inside a fairly dark hotel lobby.
Must've just been me, I guess.  It obviously worked for them.

	I gave Nick a hug.  It was good to see him again.  I reminded him
that we were up for a diving trip, although I had to tell him that I'd
neglected to get my certification redone.  He just shrugged at that.
There was time, now that they were back.

	I turned to Brian, shaking his hand.  He looked pretty good,
although a little run down.  There were some black marks under his
eyes.  I guess he didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

	Howie shook my hand, too.  We exchanged a few pleasantries.
Nothing very exciting.  I decided then and there that I really needed
to get to know him better.  He was the one Boy that I hadn't really had
a chance to know much.

	AJ leaned in and gave me a hug.  I returned it lightly, glad to
see that he was coming back out of his shell.  He'd always seemed so
fun-loving.  It bothered me to see how quiet he'd become while I was
with the guys.  I hoped this meant he was getting along ok with Kev,
too.  In the...excitement of Kev's visit, I'd forgotten to ask him how
things were going with AJ.

	We hauled everything out to the land barge and got it loaded.
Nick tried to hop in the front next to Kevin.  Yeah, fat chance.  I
physically hauled his butt right outta the seat and jumped in myself,
locking the door before he had a chance to react.  The look on his face
was priceless.  I guess he didn't expect such a...physical response to
his lame attempt at humor.

	We got on the road, sliding up to 70 when we hit I-4.  We had to
slow down for some construction right on the edge of Tampa, but other
than that, we made good time to Orlando.

	It was actually a pretty fun trip.  Brian and Nick took the
middle seats, with Howie and AJ bringing up the rear.  I wondered if
Kev had always been the odd man out or if it was just cause of me.

	Nick and Brian were in pretty good form, laughing and screwing
around.  I could tell that they were excited to be getting home.  I
didn't blame `em.  The long road trips would get pretty old pretty
fast, I guess.

	AJ thought it would be funny to serenade me, in a horribly off-
key voice, with some `NSync when I mentioned to him that I liked their
music as well.  I figured it was probably a good thing that no one was
around to hear it.  Nick was kind enough to turn around and slap him
for me.  I, of course, had to give AJ a dose of shit for actually
knowing the words to `NSync's songs.  I guess he was a closet fan.

	We dropped the guys off at their respective houses.  I promised
Nick that I'd call him in the next few days.  The guys all had two
weeks to kill before they had to make any appearances.  Work would
begin on their next album shortly after that.  I gathered from what
they said that they probably wouldn't see much of each other before
they hooked back up.  Family visits and all that stuff.

	We pulled into Kevin's house.  I was impressed, to say the least.
He lived in a fairly large place, although it wasn't a mansion or
anything.  About its best feature was the fact that it was in a gated
community.  It probably wouldn't stop anyone who was truly determined
to get to him, but the average fan wouldn't bother to try getting in.
It gave him a little extra privacy.

	"Wow," I said as we walked inside.  "It's a bummer you live so
far away.  I could just move in here if the commute wasn't such a
bitch," I joked.

	"Yeah, 90 miles one way would probably be a little much.  Maybe
you should just get a job in Orlando," he replied.  I thought he was
joking until I looked at his face.

	"Kev, you aren't serious, are you?"

	"Maybe..." was his only reply.  I stopped to think about what to
say.

	"Kev, you know I love you, but I can't just quit and move up
here.  I only started the job two months ago.  For one thing, it'd look
like shit to turn around and try to find a new job right away.  For
another, I'd have to pay them back for relocating me since I didn't
stay for a year."

	"And besides, you're not here all the time, anyway.  When you're
here, we'll work at spending time together, either at your place or
mine.  But, as bad as it may sound, I don't want to spend all that time
alone in a place that reminds me so much of you," my voice was barely a
whisper when I finished.

	"I understand, D, I do.  It was just wishful thinking, I guess,"
he said.  "It almost seems like it's gonna be harder to do this with us
back home.  Now, we're only 90 miles away.  But there'll still be times
when we can't be together."

	"Yeah, true.  But, there'll be a lot more times when we can be
together.  We can, at least, spend weekends together.  And, I might be
able to talk Anna into letting me work four-ten hour shifts and take
three day weekends.  Or even to work at home, so I can just stay at
your place while you're working and do my own work," I offered up
suggestions.

	"You're right.  We'll work it out, I guess," he sighed, pausing
before breaking out a grin, "I just wanna be able to wake up like we
did this morning a whole LOT more times."  I didn't blame him a bit.  I
wanted the same thing.  Well, actually.

	"That's funny," I said, straightfaced.  "I don't wanna wake up
like that at all."  He got a shocked look on his face.  I walked over
to him and kissed him, then whispered against his lips, "I wanna wake
up and make love with you.  I wanna put my lips in places they've never
been on you before.  I wanna feel you inside of me.  I want the whole
`cake', baby, not just that `frosting' we had this morning."

	I think I surprised him, as he just stood there for a second with
an amazed look on his face.  He got over it pretty quickly, though, as
he wrapped me in his arms for another amazing kiss.

	He gave me the grand tour of the place once we'd recovered.
Besides the usual living, dining room, etc., there were four extra
bedrooms and a little den.  He had a pool in the back, but no hot tub.
I knew immediately that I'd have to con him into getting one if he
decided to stay in this place for long.  The hot tub we shared in
Houston had given me a few ideas to try with him.

	He had a sort of music studio in the basement.  It was more of a
practice room than a studio.  It didn't really have much in the way of
recording equipment.  Just a piano, drums, and some guitars.  From the
looks of it, the other guys occasionally gathered here to do some
jammin', maybe to go over song ideas.

	It really was a nice place, although it would've been too big for
me.  He actually agreed on that.

	"The only reason I got one this big is for when the guys are
here, or our families.  Sometimes the guys come over for dinner or a
jam or whatever, and they just stay overnight.  Plus, with our families
and stuff, visits tend to be a big affair.  The extra room is handy."

	I could see that.  Back when I still had a family, our gatherings
tended to be the size of a small town.  Mom had eight kids in her
family, as did each of her parents.  It was a common joke that our
family reunions doubled the population of the town where my mother had
been born, the family seat so to speak.  And it wasn't too far from the
truth.

	Kev gave his house the once-over as we were walking around.  He
just wanted to make sure everything was ok, I guess.  The place was
actually pretty sparsely furnished.  You could tell he hadn't had much
opportunity to really live there.

	Since the majority of the stuff he'd taken on the trip was still
on the bus coming down from Canada, Kev also took a minute to pack up a
bag with a few changes of clothes.  I kinda smiled when I saw that he
had more than one nights' things.  I guess maybe he was gonna stay a
while.

	Just before we left, Kev ran into the den to get something.  When
he came back, he held out his hand to give it to me.

	"What?"  I asked as I reached out to take it.  It looked like a
garage door opener.

	"It's my spare controller for the gate.  I want you to have it so
you can come and go as you need to.  And a spare key to the place.
I'll give you the security code when we get back to your place so you
can write it down," he said.

	"Thanks, Kev.  I was gonna give you a key, too, but I wasn't sure
if you'd think I was rushing things," I replied a little slowly.  He
looked right at me.

	"D, I know we've kinda had a fast start," he said, "given the
circumstances, we've probably had to.  But I DO love you, and I have no
doubts about my feelings.  If you want, we can slow down, otherwise, I
don't really have a problem with how things're goin' with us," he said
to reassure me.

	"Ok.  I don't have a problem, either.  As long as you don't start
plannin' the wedding or nothin'," I said.  He just nodded, kinda slowly
accepting what I'd said.  I had to throw in one more thing.  "Yet."

	He broke into a smile at that.  God, he could just light up a
room with his smile.  I never really understood what that phrase meant
until I saw him smile.  His eyes just sparkled, almost gave off a glow.
He didn't smile like this all that often.  He tended to be a rather
serious guy.  I guess that made the smiles he did share that much more
special.

	"Ok.  No pickin' out patterns just yet," he agreed, walking us
out of the house before locking up.

	Kev hopped into his car.  I climbed into the land barge.  I
followed him out of the security gate as we headed over to drop off the
rental.  We had the SUV dropped off within 20 minutes and were headed
for the freeway again.

	We started the drive back to Tampa.  It was already going on 4:00
by the time we left Orlando.  We'd spent a lot of time bummin' around
his house.  I was looking forward to a quiet evening at home with
Kevin.  And, I smiled to myself, looking forward to finally taking my
relationship with him just a little further.  I took his hand in mine
as we cruised for home.

	I should've known better than to expect a quiet night.  Too many
good things had happened in the last two days.  It was time for `the
other shoe to fall', and the universe was conspiring to make it happen.



Chapter 36

	We'd barely made it 15 minutes out of Orlando when Kev's cell
began to ring.  He reached into his pocket and picked it up.

	"Hello."  I listened in on his one-sided conversation.

	"Hey, Bri, what's up?"

	"What?!?  Where'd you hear that?"

	"No, I didn't check my messages when I went home."

	"Cause I forgot about it, ok?"  He paused again, obviously
listening to Brian.  Then he sighed.

	"Ok.  No, I'll call Allen and figure out what's goin' on.  You
better just go along with things until we hear differently."  He
started to slow down and pull to the side of the freeway.

	"Yeah, guess I'll see ya then.  Bye, B," he said.

	He hit the end button just as he pulled the car to a stop.  He
turned over to talk to me.

	"Sweetie, can you drive for a second?  I need to call one of our
managers and try to work somethin' out."  I didn't like where it felt
like this was going.

	"Yeah, sure.  What's up?"  I tried to get him to tell me what was
happening.

	"Hopefully nothing," he said as he climbed out of the car.  I
sighed, getting myself out as well.  If he didn't want to tell me, then
I knew it was bad.  We quickly switched sides, and I started us on our
way as he got back on the phone.

	"Yeah, Allen Baker, please.  It's Kevin Richardson," he said in a
crisp, authoritative tone.

	"Allen, it's Kevin."

	"Yeah, Brian just told me.  What the hell's goin' on?"  Kev
seemed a little...irritated.

	"Shit, Allen, we just got home.  Who's brilliant idea was this?"

	"I don't care what you thought.  We've been workin' our asses off
for you for over a year straight.  We need a fuckin' break," his voice
was firm and even, but I could tell he was about ready to strangle
someone.  For one thing, he didn't say `fuck' all that often.  For
another, he was just radiating anger.  I could feel it along my body.

	"When did this get organized?"

	"Three days ago, huh?  Isn't the timing a little convenient,
Allen?" he had a tone of suspicion, or accusation, in his voice.

	"Fine," his disgust was evident.  "I'm on my way to Tampa, so
you'd better arrange for pickup there."

	"No, Allen, I'm not going back to Orlando.  I've got some things
with me.  I was planning on staying with Dylan for a few days."  I
noticed a LONG pause after this.  From the look on his face, Allen was
sayin' a few things that were starting to make him pretty mad.  And, I
knew from the conversation so far that they were probably about me.

	"Well, get over it, Allen, cause that's the way it is.  If you
expect all five Backstreet Boys at this little thing, then you'd damn
well better arrange to get me in Tampa.  Otherwise, I'll be staying
here, which I'm damn tempted to do anyway.  Contract or not, you don't
own us.  And you have no right to spring something like this on us last
minute when we're supposed to be getting' time off."

	"Fine.  I'll be expectin' a call from Kendra, then."  He hung up
then without saying anything else, or waiting to give Allen a chance to
reply.  I sighed.

	"Where do ya have to go?" I asked before he could say anything.

	"New York.  Allen arranged for an MTV appearance in the morning,
and some kinda banquet thing tomorrow night," he said, sounding tired
again.

	"I see," I paused.  "What'd you mean about the timing being
convenient?"  I was curious.

	"Cause, it was about that time that I started telling management
that they needed to fly me back here.  It was right after you and I had
that talk, and I knew it would be best if I got back soon so we could
work it out," he filled me in.  I saw what he meant.

	"You think that he did it on purpose?  Like tryin' to keep you
away from me?"  I thought it was a little...silly, I guess.  There were
times when my life felt like it should be recorded and played as a
`daytime drama'.  At the rate I was going, I'd probably get pretty good
ratings.  I could even beat out Springer.

	"Maybe.  I dunno.  I guess I'm just a little pissed is all.
Readin' too much into things," he replied.  I just nodded.  I didn't
know his managers, so I really couldn't say one way or the other.  It
seemed suspicious to me, but the fact was I was just as pissed that he
was leaving again.  I wasn't exactly thinking objectively about
everything.

	I reached over and offered him my hand.  He didn't notice it at
first.  He was a little lost in thought.  I slid my hand to his arm,
lightly touching him and offering it again.  He looked up and smiled at
me before joining his hand to mine, locking our fingers together.

	We drove the rest of the way in silence.  I guess we were both
just thinkin' `what next?'.  We'd just hit the I-4/I-75 interchange on
the east edge of Tampa when his phone rang again.  He answered it,
still holding my hand.  I got to eavesdrop on half of his conversation
again.

	"Yeah," was his only response when answering.

	"Hey, Kendra, how are ya?"

	"Good.  You got my flight info?"  He listened for a moment, then
looked at his watch.

	"Yeah, ok.  Could you call the airline and let `em know I'm on
the way?  I doubt we'll need any security, but it doesn't hurt to have
an escort.  I'm cuttin' it kinda close," he said.  My heart fell at
that.  I knew then that he was leaving soon.

	We were coming up on the exit for my place.  I didn't bother
pulling over.  Kev glanced at me for a second when he realized what I
was doing.  He just nodded sadly at me.

	Kev hung up with Kendra then and called Brian.  He filled him in
on his flight info, and let him know that he'd join the guys in New
York.  He kept the call brief.  We were just pulling into the airport
when he finished with everything.

	I slid my hand out of his.  I looked at him with a little smile
to let him know that I wasn't mad.  I just didn't want to navigate the
airport without both hands.  Especially driving his car.

	"Did you want to come in with me?" he asked.

	"I'd like to say goodbye, but are you sure it's a good idea?" I
wondered, thinking of how I was gonna react to having to say goodbye so
soon.

	"At this point, I honestly don't care.  I'd like it if you came
with me.  My flight leaves in an hour, so we won't have much time to
get into too much trouble," he said with a sad little smile.

	"Ok," I said, shifting us into the lane for parking.  I quickly
found a short-term spot and eased his car into it.

	"Did you want me to keep your car at my place?" I wondered.  I
wasn't sure if he'd have someone come pick it up and take it to
Orlando.

	"Yeah, if you don't mind.  I'll have management fly me back here
when this whole stupid thing is done," he said.

	"When will you be back?"

	"I dunno.  I'd guess day after tomorrow, but it's hard to say.
This trip is already a screw up since we're supposed to be off right
now.  Who knows what else Allen is cooking up?"  He was gettin'
irritated again.  I opened my door, figuring if we went inside, he'd
forget about it for a moment.

	We walked into the terminal, keeping a respectable distance from
each other.  There was an airline official waiting for us.  Apparently,
they knew who he was, as she walked right up and offered her hand.

	"Good afternoon, sir.  I hope you're doing well, today," she
said.  I cringed a little at that, as I knew he wasn't.  Neither of us
was.  But, Kev was ever the polite Southern boy.

	"Yes, ma'am.  I'm doing well.  And you?"  They made polite
chitchat for a moment.  I was gettin' impatient having to stand there.
I think she sensed it from me, as she decided to move on.

	"Well, you're boarding on skyside C in about 20 minutes.  The
flight has already started general boarding, but we figured you'd want
to be on last.  Your manager thought it would cut down on the chance of
you being recognized and bothered," she said.  Well, I guess Allen, or
Kendra probably, had done something right.  I doubted that Kev was
really in the mood for dealing with fans, although I knew that he'd do
it with a smile and a kind word, anyway.  The attendant continued on.
"Did you want to wait at the gate or would you like to go to the VIP
lounge?"

	"Let's hit the lounge for a few.  I'd like a chance for a bit of
privacy," he said in that polite, controlled tone of his.

	She just nodded and looked over at me.  There was something in
her eyes, something that told me she probably knew a little more about
what was going on than she let on.  I lifted an eyebrow at her,
silently asking the question.  She just smiled a little and nodded.
For some reason, I trusted that she wouldn't do anything that would
cause us a problem.  She led us upstairs to the lounge.

	We lucked out when we got there.  The place was empty, at least
for a moment.  Our little helper indicated she'd wait outside for a
minute.  I walked over to the window, which gave me a fine view of the
runway.  I'd always thought that airports were pretty cool, but man
were they a pit in places.  All that concrete and clutter next to the
gates.  But, they always seemed to function, for the most part, anyway.

	Kevin came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders.  I
tensed for a second, remembering that we were in public.  He just
ignored it and slipped his hands down to my waist.  I gave in and
leaned back against him as he held me tight and put his head on my
shoulder.

	"D, I'm really sorry `bout this," he said softly into my ear.
His breath sent a little shiver through me.  "We just can't seem to get
any time together."

	"Kev, it's not your fault.  You have an obligation to your fans
and your label.  It might've taken a swift kick in the ass from Lindsay
to make me see that," I smiled a little at remembering that, "but I do
realize it.  And I love you, even if you can't always be here."

	"Thanks for understanding, babe," he kissed my ear lightly.  I
just shrugged my shoulders a little.

	"There's nothing we can do about it.  So, it's either get pissed
about it and probably end up hurting you or making you feel guilty, or
just accept that this is how it is at the moment and enjoy what time I
can with you.  I don't wanna hurt you anymore by bein' an idiot, so I'm
takin' the high road," I said with a martyred expression on my face.

	He just chuckled a little bit.  I was glad I'd gotten a smile, at
least for a moment.  A throat cleared behind us.  I nearly jumped out
of my skin, but Kev very calmly turned his head.  I was stunned that he
didn't take his arms from around me.  Maybe he just figured it was too
late since we'd already been seen.

	"I'm sorry to interrupt, gentlemen, but it's time to go.  The
flight's getting ready to take off," our helper stated quietly.  I was
amazed at how calm she was.  There was little or no expression on her
face other than a smile of...sympathy?

	"We'll be right there, if you could give us a second," Kev said
to her.  She glanced at him a second before stepping back outside the
door.

	"Kev, are you nuts?  What if she says something?" I asked.

	"D, she won't.  And even if she did, it doesn't matter.  I'd deal
with it," he said.  I opened my mouth to say something else, but he
decided I was done talking.  He covered my mouth with his, giving me a
gentle kiss.

	"I'll call you when I get settled tonight, ok?" he assured me.

	"Sounds good," I said.  "I might not answer. I'll probably go
freeway-cruisin' in that sweet car of yours," I joked, getting a
chuckle out of him.

	I wasn't actually kidding too much.  Well, I was about taking his
car.  I'd be too nervous about havin' a wreck or something.  He drove a
pretty nice BMW, and I didn't think I could even pay for a new tire on
it, much less actual repairs.

	But, I probably would do a little cruise tonight.  One of my
favorite ways to ease stress was to hit the freeway, windows down,
sunroof open, music blaring.  I loved to cruise down through St. Pete
and take the Skyway Bridge that spanned the entrance to the Bay.  It
was a beautiful sight, one that I hadn't seen at night, yet.  I felt
like some fast cruising at that moment.

	"Feel free to take it out for a spin.  I'm fully insured," he
smiled back at me.  Hmmmm, maybe I would at that.

	"I'd better go.  I love you, D, and I'll talk to you tonight," he
said softly.

	"Bye, love.  I'll see ya when I see ya, I guess," I said back.
We hugged briefly for a moment, then he was gone.  Again.  I sighed.
This was already getting old.  But, it was his life, at least for now.
And, as Lindsay said, I had to accept how it was if I wanted to stay
with him.  And I did want to stay with him.

	I stood there for a bit, looking out the window and watching the
planes depart.  I wondered which one he was on.

	The light from the sun was already fading.  It still got dark
pretty early these days, although it was staying later.  A voice spoke
up behind me.

	"Everything ok, sir?"  It was the woman who'd brought us up here.

	"Yeah, everything's fine," I said.

	"It's hard, isn't it, when they leave?"  She sure hit that right.
I turned to look at her, tryin' to gauge just how much I really could
trust her.  Kev obviously thought it was ok based on his earlier
behavior, but I was still leary of causing him trouble.

	"Yeah, it is," I decided to trust her, turning back to the window
for a moment.

	"I understand.  My husband's a pilot.  It took me quite a while
to get used to how often he was gone.  Every time he left, it was
tough.  But, he always comes home."  She smiled, trying to reassure me.

	I smiled back, although I think she guessed that I was faking it.
I guessed I still had a ways to go before I reached her level of
acceptance.  I turned back to her.

	"Thanks for." I began, not sure what to say from there.  She just
smiled and nodded.  I didn't continue.  She knew what I meant, and for
some reason, I got the feeling that Kev'd been right.  We could trust
her.

	I turned and headed out of the lounge, the attendant following
me.  I made my way back out to Kev's car and climbed in.  I decided to
just take his word and skip going home for my car.  I hit the freeway,
heading west and south across the causeway and towards St. Pete.  About
the only thing I wished I had was my Backstreet CD's.  I could've used
Kev's voice at that moment as I cruised out over the waters of the Bay.


To be continued...
------------------

That's it for now.  Hope everyone enjoyed it.