Date: Sat, 08 Apr 2000 15:10:53 EDT
From: DJs Tale <djs_tale@hotmail.com>
Subject: Forever 72-75

Disclaimer
----------
	The story contained here is entirely in the (possibly unbalanced)
mind of its author.  As much as I might like to bear Kevin's children (which
would be nothing short of a miracle), I have no idea if he or any of the
other BSB is actually gay.  Now that Kevin's engaged, I have a good idea
that he's not.  If any of the BSB read this story and are offended, they
should certainly exercise their right to free speech and e-mail me to
complain all about it.  Readers should enjoy the fantasy, but remember
that reality may be (and probably is) dramatically different.

	Don't read this little tale of love if you're too young where you
live.  Don't read this little tale of love if it's illegal where you live.
If either of those two things applies to where you live, I recommend that
you MOVE!!!



And now...'Forever'...



Chapter 72

"Damn, Howie, my feet are killin' me.  Aren't we done, yet?" I
whined at Howie as I sat on a bench.

"Come on, Dylan.  This is the last store I want to check," he
replied, tugging on my arm.  I sighed and stood.

"Alright, alright.  We've been to every other music store in
Orlando, why not go for the last one just so I can say I went to them
ALL?"  I laid on the sarcasm pretty thick.

"That's the spirit, buddy!" Howie replied, giving me a slap on
the shoulder.  We continued our walk down the mall.

We'd been shopping the entire day.  Before today, I'd thought AJ
was a determined shopper.  At this point, he had nothing on Howie when
Howie was on a mission.

And the mission was a CD.  I had never heard of the artist, so
the worth of this CD was lost on me.  But, Howie wanted it, so we were
on a hunt to get it.

We walked into the music store.  Howie immediately went looking
for the CD.  I headed for the pop section to see if there were any I
was interested in.

"Can I help you find something?" a voice asked me.

I turned to look at who'd spoken.  It was a saleswoman for the
store.  Or I assumed she was a saleswoman given the nametag attached to
her black sweater.

"Um, no, I'm actually just browsing," I said.  She started to
turn away.  "But, my friend over there," I pointed to Howie, "could
really use a hand."  She nodded and walked over to Howie.  I took a
moment to look her over.

She wasn't striking, at least in the sense of a supermodel.  But
there was something...intriguing about her.  She had brown hair, most
of which was pulled up on her head.  A few strands had pulled loose and
were framing her face.

Her eyes were what really made you notice her.  They were an off
shade of blue.  Very striking.  A glance into them gave me the same
feeling that I got when I looked at Howie.  That feeling that he knew
something the rest of us didn't.  She seemed to be...laughing at the
world somewhere inside.

And, speaking of laughing, she and Howie seemed to be doing quite
a bit of it.  I decided to play James Bond, superspy, and watch their
activities for a while.

They were talking quietly.  Howie tended to be a little reserved
in public, just to keep the attention down.  The saleswoman just seemed
like a naturally soft-spoken person, although somehow I guessed that
she could pretty riotous when she got going.

I walked over to them after a few minutes of observing.  I hated
to interrupt, but I'd promised Kevin that I'd be home by 5:00.  He'd
been less than thrilled that I'd promised to spend our day off with
Howie instead of him.  Ann had flown out on Wednesday, so we were
supposed to have the time to ourselves.

When I mentioned that perhaps he should take the day today to get
ahead in his work if possible so we could spend tomorrow together, he'd
decided it was a good idea.  But, I'd still promised to get home in
time for us to have dinner.

"Hey, bud," I said, not using his name, just in case.  "You about
ready to go?  I need to head home."

"Yeah, I am.  We can take off as soon as I pay for this," he
replied, holding up a CD.

"Is that the one I've been draggin' my butt all over Orlando to
find?" I wondered.

"Sure is.  Deb here helped me find it," he said, indicating the
saleswoman.

"Well, Deb," I said, stressing her name now that I knew it, "I
thank you from the bottom of my heart.  He's been yankin' me in and out
of every damn store in town looking for that."

"That's no problem, Dylan, glad to be of service," she replied.

I jerked, surprised that she knew my name.  I turned to Howie,
checking to see if he'd told her for some reason.  He looked just as
surprised as I was.  Deb chuckled at us.

"Sorry, but it's not like I live on another planet. Do you
honestly think I could NOT know Howie Dorough?" she asked.  She turned
to indicate me.  "Or Kevin Richardson's fiance? I live in Orlando and
manage a music store for cryin' out loud."  She laughed again at our
foolishness.

"Well, we could only hope, I guess," I said, laughing with her.

"I'm actually a big fan of Backstreet," she replied.  "You should
hear the crap I get from the `Korn kids' that come in here.  Some of
`em wouldn't know a good voice if it kicked `em in the ass."  Howie and
I chuckled.

"I hate to break up this little bonding moment we seem to be
developing, but I really do need to go.  Kev's waiting," I said in
explanation.

"Well, can't have your fiance waiting, can we?  Although, I'm
told anticipation makes the moment much better," she said, one side of
her mouth curved into a smirk.  I blushed at what she was implying, but
I couldn't deny the truth.

"Ok, let's head up front so I can pay, DJ," Howie said, saving me
from having to say anything.

"I'll ring it up for you, Howie," Deb told us.  Howie and I
nodded and followed her to the front.

Deb rang up Howie's treasured CD.  She and Howie chatted the
whole time.  I just stood back and watched, hoping maybe something
might develop between the two.

I rarely played matchmaker.  Frankly, the one or two times I'd
tried had been disasters.  But, in this case, fate had introduced the
three of us, so I had no part in it.  I just let things happen as they
would.

"So, Romeo, did ya get her number?" I asked him as we walked out
into the mall.  He blushed.

"Yeah, I did," he replied softly.

"Way ta go, Sweet D," I said.  "I knew you had it in ya."

"Whatever, Dylan," he said, shaking his head at me.  But, I saw
the smile in his eyes, so I knew he was glad about it.

We climbed in my car and headed back to Kevin's place.  I didn't
give him any more of a hard time about Deb.  I wanted him to be willing
to take the chance, and he might not if I harassed him too much.

I turned the corner, heading down the last block to the gate in
front of Kevin's community.  There was a man standing at the entrance,
looking around.  I pulled up to the gate before I hit the remote.  I
looked over at the man as I waited for the gate to open.

"Oh my God," I whispered, recognizing him.

"What?" Howie asked.

"Michael," I replied.



Chapter 73

I stared out the car window, not moving.  I couldn't believe it
was him.  I couldn't believe he'd bothered to find me again.

"Dylan?"  Howie shook my shoulder, snapping me out of my trance.

"Sorry, Howie," I said softly, not looking away from Michael.

"Do you know him?" Howie asked.

"I guess you could say that," I replied.  "He's my ex-boyfriend."

I opened the car and stepped out, shutting the door before Howie
could say anything.  Michael looked over at me from where he was
standing.  Recognition came pretty fast.

"Dylan," he said, his voice calm and quiet.

"Michael," I replied.

Howie stepped up beside me.  He looked back and forth between
Michael and I as we stared at each other.  He decided to take the
polite tack, stepping over to Michael and offering a hand.

"Hello.  I'm a friend of Dylan's.  Name's Howie," he said,
keeping his voice light.  Michael reached out and took his hand.

"Michael.  Michael Layton."  A car horn honking caused us all to
turn.  Someone was in the drive behind me, trying to get through the
gate.

I waved and climbed in my car, driving it through the gate as
Howie and Michael walked past.  I parked to the side once I was
through, allowing the other guy to get by.

"Michael, what are you doing here?" I asked when I'd stepped back
out of the car.

"I came to see you.  I've been trying to track you down for a
while, to see you.  But, no one we used to know knew where you were.
When I heard about your...engagement, I figured I could find you
through your...your fiance," he replied.  He seemed to stumble on the
concept of Kevin.

I studied him for a few minutes.  He seemed fine, genuinely happy
to see me.  But, a big part of me didn't trust him.  He'd burned me
before.  Very badly.  And there was nothing to say he wouldn't try to
do it again.

"Fine.  You've seen me.  Now, I think you should go," I told him.
Howie seemed a little surprised at my abrupt tone, but I didn't care.
I didn't want Michael anywhere near me.

"Dylan, I think we should talk," Michael said.  "Please."

"Come on, Dylan.  Let's head back to Kevin's and have a coffee or
somethin'," Howie spoke up.  Always keeping the peace.

"Fine," I gave in.  "Get in the car."

I got back in behind the wheel.  Howie rode shotgun with Michael
in behind him.  I pulled out and headed for Kevin's place.

I opened the door to the house, calling out Kevin's name as Howie
and Michael followed me in.  Half of me was hoping he wouldn't be home.
The other half was praying that he would be.  I could really use his
support for this.

The prayer was answered as Kevin came wandering out to greet us.
He was dressed in a loose black tank top and a pair of sweat shorts.
>From the dirt on him, I guessed he was doing something out back,
although I'm not sure what.

"Hey, sweetie," he called out when he saw me.  He walked up and
gave me a kiss on the cheek.  I grabbed his hand and turned, standing
slightly behind him as I introduced him to our guest.

"Michael Layton," I indicated Michael with a flick of my hand,
"this is Kevin Richardson, my fiance.  Kevin, this is Michael, my...a
former friend from college."

"Michael," Kevin said, "it's nice to meet you.  I'd offer you a
hand to shake, but I've been digging around in the backyard, and I'm a
little dirty."

"It's ok, Kevin.  It's a pleasure to meet you, too," Michael
replied.

"Why don't we go sit down?" Kevin offered, holding out his free
hand to guide us to the living room.

We all took a seat, Kevin and I on the couch, Michael and Howie
across from us in chairs.  I sat as close to Kevin as I could.
Actually, since he was sitting forward, I leaned back and shifted
myself slightly behind him, running a hand up under his shirt to touch
the naked skin of his back.

The others made small talk for a few minutes.  It was mindless
chatter that I really didn't pay attention to.  I basically just sat
there, rubbing Kevin's back and staring at the floor.

"So, Michael," Kevin finally asked, "what brings you all the way
out to Orlando?"

"Actually, Kevin, I live down in Miami now," Michael replied.  I
stiffened at learning how close he was.  "So, it's not a very long trip
here.  It's funny how small the world is.  I've been trying to track
down Dylan here for almost two years, and it turns out he practically
lives next door."

"Yeah, the world is definitely a weird place," Kev replied.  He
was picking up on my tension, as his voice shifted to a more guarded
tone.  "Why were you trying to find Dylan?"  Michael hesitated,
glancing from Kevin to Howie to me and back to Kevin.

"That's...that's something between me and Dylan," he said.  I
felt Kevin stiffen under my hand when Michael said that.

"There's nothing between you and I, Michael," I threw in.
"Kevin's my lover," I saw Michael frown, "and Howie's one of my best
friends.  You and I will never be alone, so if you have anything to
say, you'd better say it now."

Kevin turned to look at me when he heard the coldness in my tone.
I know he wanted an explanation for all of this, but I couldn't give it
to him at the moment.  I do think that he'd figured out that Michael
had been more than a friend, though.

Michael was staring at me, trying to gauge how serious I was.
There was something in his tone, something that told me he was
definitely NOT happy about this.  I didn't honestly care what he felt
at the moment.

"Dylan," he finally gave in, "I started a new job a few years
ago.  That's when I moved down to Miami," he paused, again glancing at
the other guys before continuing.

"As part of my sign-on process, I was required to take a
physical.  During the exam, they gave me an HIV test."  I sucked in a
breath.  I knew what he was going to say.  "It came back positive.  I
have HIV."

No one moved.  No one spoke.  I, for one, had no idea what to
say.  I tried to absorb what he'd told me.  I eventually caught on to
the fact that he was telling me for a reason.

"How long?" I asked.

"I'm still in good health, so it could be years before," he
started.  I interrupted.

"No, Michael, how long have you had it?" I clarified in a terse
voice.  He hesitated again.

"Dylan, when we were...when we were seeing each other, I wasn't
always...that is, I..."

"You slept with someone else," Kevin finished for him.  Michael
nodded.

"And one of them gave it to you?" Kevin continued.

"Yeah, that's what the doctors think, anyway," he replied.

"Were you and Dylan safe when you had sex?" Kevin asked.  I was
amazed at how calmly he was taking this.

"Yes," I answered.  "Always."  I turned a hard gaze on Michael,
making sure he understood what I was saying.  He nodded.  Kevin seemed
to relax a bit under my hand.

"Yeah," Michael said, "we were safe."  He turned to look at me.
"Have you been tested since that...since we were together?"

"No," I said.  "I haven't been with anyone else until now.  I...I
never considered that you might have done that, so I just let it
slide."

"You should get tested, then...just to be sure," he replied.  I
nodded.

We all fell silent again.  I was lost in thought, considering all
that Michael had said.  Everything I'd thought about Michael was bad
enough, now he'd just made it worse.

"I guess I should go," Michael said, standing.  Kevin and Howie
stood with him.  I just sat there, staring at nothing.  "Dylan, for
what it's worth, I'm sorry.  For everything."  I didn't say anything.

"I'll walk you out," Kevin offered, leading Michael from the
room.  Howie followed them.

When they were gone, I stood and left the room, heading upstairs.
When I got to our bedroom, I stripped my clothes off, dropping them on
the floor and leaving a trail to the bathroom.

I turned the shower on.  When the water was warm, I climbed in
and adjusted it to as hot as I could stand.  I practically scalded my
skin off.

The memories came crashing in on me.  Memories of Michael and me,
of our time together.  And especially of the end of that time.  The
memories were joined by thoughts of what I could be carrying inside me.
Because of him.

I found myself shuddering.  The tears were starting to come down.
My legs were getting shaky.  I leaned up against the shower wall and
slowly slid down, sobbing quietly, clutching my arms tightly around
myself.

"Dylan?" Kevin's voice came to me from the door.

"Yeah?" I tried to make my voice sound normal.

"Are you alright?"  I could hear the concern in his voice.

"I'm fine.  Just needed a shower.  I'll be out in a minute," I
replied.

"You want some company?"  It sounded like he hoped I did.  I
hated to disappoint him.

"No, that's ok.  You go hang out with Howie, I'll be right down,"
I said.

"Ok," he answered.  He was disappointed, I could tell, but I
couldn't let him see me at the moment.  I needed to collect myself
before I could see him.



Chapter 74

Darkness.

Something was holding me down.  I couldn't move.

Michael.

He had me.  He was holding me.  He was forcing me.

No.

Won't do this.

Won't let this happen.

Not again.

Won't let this happen again.

No.

NO.

"NO!" the scream ripped from my throat, tearing me from my dream.

But I was still being held, still being forced down.  No, I
wouldn't let it happen like that again.  I pushed away with every bit
of strength in me.

The force knocked whoever was holding me away and sent me rolling
onto the floor.  I scrambled for the corner of the room cowering
against the wall.

"Dylan?" a voice came to me.  I knew I should recognize it, but
in my half-dreaming, half-awake state, I couldn't put together who it
was.  A hand touched my arm, and I jerked away.

"Dylan, please," the voice again.

"Stay away," I gasped.  "Just stay away."

I was shivering.  The sweat on my body was drying in the night
air, leaving me cold, clammy.  My heart was racing, the blood pounding
in my head.  The hand touched me again.  I couldn't jerk away this
time.  It was holding me too tightly.

"Dylan, sweetie, what is it?"  I finally made the connection.
Kevin.  It was Kevin.  I turned my head away from the wall and looked
at him.  He reached out his other hand to touch my face, but I jerked
back to the wall again, still feeling the aftereffects of my dream.

He didn't try to touch me again.  He sat there and stared,
letting me come back on my own.  I just looked into his eyes, letting
the love and concern I saw there act as an anchor, bringing me back
where I belonged.

"Kev?" I whispered.  He smiled softly at me.

"You ok?" he asked, his voice soft and gentle.

"I...I don't know," I replied.

He eased over to me, then, slowly sliding his arms around my
shivering body.  I leaned into him, letting him wrap me up tight.  We
sat there for a moment before Kev spoke again.

"Dylan, you're shiverin', love.  You need to get back in bed," he
said.  He shifted back, standing up before helping me get to my feet.
He led me over to the bed, and I climbed in.

He was there with me a moment later, wrapping me up tight in his
strong arms.  I buried my face in his neck, wrapping my arms and legs
up around him, trying to get as close to him as I could.

He didn't say anything for a while.  He just let me hold on to
him and settle down.  My breathing calmed, my heart slowed to normal,
the warmth returned to my body.  He finally spoke.

"D, what happened?" he asked.  I didn't reply right away, trying
to gather my thoughts.  He didn't rush me.  I shifted my face slightly,
just enough so he could hear me talk.

"Michael.  Michael happened," was all I said.  He didn't say
anything, apparently sensing that I would continue on my own when I was
ready.  I let out a sigh.

"We met in the fall of my senior year of college.  Just over five
years ago, now," I paused here.  "It seems so much longer than that," I
whispered.  I shook myself a moment before I continued.  "He was in
this music appreciation class that I took as a blow-off class.  We got
assigned to work on a project together, and things just took off from
there."

"We started dating and, by Christmas, we were spending a lot of
our free time together.  I thought we were in love.  But, I'd missed
something.  I'm not sure how I missed it, but I did."  I took a deep
breath, plunging on.

"Michael was an alcoholic.  I started to see signs of it shortly
after Christmas break.  He'd started staying over at my house more
often, and it became hard to miss.  And he wasn't a pleasant drunk.
Actually, I don't think I've ever met a pleasant one."

"He became abusive," I said.  Kevin stiffened, and I squeezed him
tighter.  "Not physically, but verbally, emotionally.  He would call me
names, treat me badly.  And I always came back for more."  I paused.
"I think part of the reason that I reacted so harshly when Dad attacked
me was because of him, of what he'd done to me."

"For spring break that year, I drove out to Seattle to visit some
good friends.  Michael stayed behind because he had to work.  Or maybe
he was with someone else then, I don't know.  I never even considered
he might be cheating until he said it today."

"When I got back, he was...worse.  He was jealous all the time.
He'd somehow gotten this idea that I'd messed around on him while I was
in Seattle.  Maybe he got the idea I'd done it because HE did it.  I
don't know.  Whatever it was, we started to fight about it.  A lot."

"About two weeks before graduation, Michael showed up at my place
in the middle of the night.  He'd obviously been drinking.  I'd known
about his problem for a while, but I kept letting it slide.  I thought
we loved each other, and I was scared to confront him about it in case
I'd lose him.  I'll admit, rationality wasn't real high for me then."

"When he showed up that night, we got into another fight.  He
kept yelling at me about what a slut I was, about how he knew I was
with other guys.  I couldn't figure out where half the shit was coming
from.  I hadn't slept with anyone but him in almost a year.  I don't
take sex lightly."

"Michael...he...that is the fight..." I faltered then.  I was
having trouble saying the words.  Kevin squeezed me, stroking his hand
up and down my back.

"I lied to you today when I said we were always safe.  That
night, we weren't safe.  Because Michael hit me.  He beat me up and
then he...he..." I faltered again.

"Michael raped me," I whispered into Kev's neck.



Chapter 75

Neither of us spoke.  Neither of us moved.  All I could hear was
the sound of Kevin's breathing above me, hard and regular.  I was
afraid, then.  Afraid of what he would think.  Afraid of what he might
do.

"Please don't hate me, Kev," I whispered.  If I'd been thinking
at all, I'd have known that Kev would never do that.  But, I wasn't
even close to being rational.  I was lost in memories, memories of a
very dark time in my life.  "Please, Kevy, I love you so much, I
couldn't bear it if you hated me.  Please..." my voice trailed off.

"Dylan," he said, finally reacting and squeezing me tightly to
him.  "Oh love, I could never hate you.  Certainly not for something
that wasn't your fault."  His tone shifted to one of anger then.  "I
just wish I'd known about this today.  I'd have kicked that bastard's
ass for showing up here."

I didn't say anything.  At the moment, I agreed with him.  I was
angry with Michael for dredging up memories that I thought I'd settled
with long ago.

"What happened after...after...?" he asked.  I sighed, ready to
finish the story.

"I never saw him again.  He left after he finished.  When I woke
up the next morning, I packed a bag and moved in with my friend Tess
until graduation.  After graduation, I moved to Denver to start my new
job, and my new life."

"I hooked up with a therapist pretty quickly after that.  The
nightmares, the fear, the...dirty feelings I had about myself just
became too much.  I was depressed to the point of wanting to take my
own life.  I knew I needed help.  So, I got it."

"It took a while, but I eventually got past the whole experience.
I never forgot about him, but I was able to make something of my life
and be happy.  Until last year...," I trailed off.  "And then I found
you, and everything was perfect," I said, lightly kissing his neck.

"Far from perfect, D," he said.  "We've had our share of problems
these last six months.  But, we made it through it all ok, and we'll
get through this, too."

"I hope so, Kev.  God, I hope so," I whispered.  "I'm so scared,
Kev."

"I know, D," he whispered back.  "Honestly?  So am I.  But, we
just have to try to make it past this."

We talked softly back and forth for a while longer.  I was
getting tired, though, and so was he.  Eventually, we reached the point
where we could sleep again.

"Thank you, Kevin, for being here for me," I said.  "I'll never
know what I did in life to deserve you."

"Any time you need me, D, I'll be there.  I love you," he touched
his lips to my head.  I drifted to sleep surrounded by the warmth of
his love.


To be continued...
------------------

Author's Notes
--------------
	Well, there y'all go.  It's kinda short, but it was a good place
to stop for today.  You should just be glad there's no cliffhanger ;-)

	A lot's been happening here in O-town.  I closed on a house and
moved in.  It's a little weird to be in a house with absolutely nothing
except for my computer.  My stuff hasn't made it from the Mile High,
yet, so the place is what we might call 'barren'!

	Thanks to a loyal (if slightly 'titched' ;-) fan, I did get to see
Kev's house.  It's a pretty nice place, although probably not what most
would expect from someone in his position.  I also got to check out a
few of the local hangouts, and even meet some friends of the group.  It's
been interesting.  Thanks to that titched fan (ya know who you are ;-)

	And now, for the other news.  It may be considered bad news to a
few, but I don't know that it's unexpected.  I will be ending the story
on or around chapter 105.  My heart's not really in the writing like it
used to be.  It may come back once I'm settled in here, but I can't really
see that happening soon.  So, savor while you can, I guess.  As they say
"All good things must come to an end."  And sometimes, even the slightly
average things do, too ;-)

L8r!!