Date: Wed, 10 Jan 2001 18:23:02 -0000
From: Fallen Angel <luv_hugs_chocolate@hotmail.com>
Subject: French Kiss Me - Parts 7&8

Disclaimer: it didn't change from the last time you read it. If you even
take time to read this that is lol To make it short: this isn't true, I
don't know BSB, don't read this if you're not old enough or don't have
enough of an open mind to read it. Short and painless. There you have it :)

Thanks to everyone who's been sending me feedback: Andreas (you are DA
BOMB!!! Thanks for the laugh, buddy :), R. James (am I forgiven for whatever
it was that I shouldn't have asked?), Scott (I hope everything's working out
for you :), Josh (I'm still waitiiiiiiing lol), Colleen, Alex, Casey, Eddi,
Loveheart, Ross (take your mind out of the gutter, sweetie lol), Gabrielle,
Rosie, Nicholas (hey, man lol) and John. You guys rock! :)

And last, on to the begging part of this *brushes knees, kneels down, joins
hands and looks up with the most angelic and adorable puppy dog face*: Mail
me? I'm begging! Mail me and tell me how I'm doing so far. And I love to
meet new people, so it would be really nice to hear from you. Comments,
criticism, compliments should be sent to luv_hugs_chocolate@hotmail.com.
Mail me even if it is to say "hey". I answer all the e-mails I get! Promise!

*stands up and brushes dust off knees* Now that I've said enough: sit back
and enjoy yourself!!! *grin*

		*************************
   		 French Kiss Me - Part seven
		       by Fallen Angel


Later that afternoon I was totally settled in Brian's house, after making
sure, yet again, that it was ok to be there. He assured me again and said
that if I asked one more time I'd have to go and sleep with Tyke and Litty,
so I decided to shut my mouth. As much as I love dogs, the idea of actually
sleeping with them wasn't all that appealing. We talked for some time just
about the tour. He explained how the tour was, some of the funny things that
had already happened to them and some of the annoying ones too. How crazy
some of the fans were and how overwhelming it was to be on stage, how cool
it was to have thousands of people singing to your songs, people that didn't
even spoke the same language as you. His eyes actually shone when he talked
about performing. That light made his eyes even more beautiful. I had to
remember myself a couple times not to stare at him while he spoke, something
awfully difficult when he looked right into my eyes. I had never met someone
who talked and listened so intensely, all the while looking into your eyes,
almost right into your soul. I wasn't one of those people and with that he
got my ultimate admiration.

We decided on pizza for dinner later so we both went for showers. I was so
thankful for that. Planes aren't exactly my idea of fun.

After my so loved shower, I went back to the living room to wait for Brian.
As much as I tried to convince myself that he was a lost cause and that all
this attention was just because he was a nice guy, Nycky's voice kept
ringing in my head "Brian was checking you out", "Open your heart", "Pay
attention around yourself", "Girlfriends don't make a guy straight".....
Damn her! Thinking of her reminded me I should call her then so later I
wouldn't ignore Brian. I fished my cell out of my pocket and hit speed dial
#1. It rang and rang and I was about to hang up when she finally decided to
pick it up

"Hello?"

"And just what the hell were you doing that it took you soooooo long to pick
it up?"

"Hi there yourself" she started "And to answer your question: I was with a
hot blonde hunk doing sinful things that would make the devil blush. Happy
now?"

"Damn you!" I replied and we laughed

"So, has he jumped you already?"

"No!"

"Jesus! He's even slower than you!" she laughed

"Be thankful I'm not there or you'd have to wear a nice purple 'necklace' on
your funeral"

"My, are we violent today? You know what you need?"

"Another roomie?"

"HAHA! You need sex! You've been too edgy in my opinion"

"And who said I valuate your opinion?"

"You're no fun to talk to today" she said and I knew she would be pouting

"Forget the pout. It doesn't work over the phone" I teased and she chuckled.
We both fell silent and I knew what question was coming next

"You still thinking about that?" there it was

"'Bout what?" I played innocent. I knew what she was talking about or rather
who. We had discussed it over and over and over again in the airport before
my flight

"You know what"

"There's nothing to think about that"

"J, you should try it"

"And then what? Have my mother hanging up on my face? No, thank you very
much"

"Tomorrow's her birthday. People get emotional on their birthdays"

"I'm not into taking that risk. I'm not ready"

"Fine. Today you're impossible to convince"

"There's always a first for everything, right?" I said trying to lighten the
mood and actually got a chuckle in response "Nycky, I'm fine. Really. I
guess I got kinda numb after some years. It doesn't affect me as much as it
did before"

"If you say so..."

"Yes, I say so. Trust me on this one, k?"

"OK. Gotta go now. Meeting at the restaurant." she said and I knew she'd be
rolling her eyes

"OK. Luv ya"

"Luv ya too. Bye" she said and we hung up. I sat there, staring at the
phone. I hated lying to her but I couldn't tell her how hurt I felt at that
moment. Not being able to talk to your parents for years could never not
hurt. But she would be worried over something that couldn't be changed. I
couldn't change the past as well as I couldn't change who I am. I wasn't
surprised when a tear ran down my cheek. I wiped it just before Brian
appeared at the top of the staircase. Argh! Why did he have to be so
gorgeous?

"Hey, have you been waiting too long?" he asked as he came downstairs

"Nah, I used the time to call Nycky." I said as he sat down beside me

"Oh! How's she?" he smiled

"The same smartass I left" I chuckled

"You guys are really close..."

"Yeah. She's great. Sometimes she annoys me to no end with how well she can
read me." I smiled "Even over the phone" I chuckled

"It's probably a best friend thing. Sometimes I think Nick knows me better
than I know myself." he chuckled "Before him I just had that kind of bond
with my mother and then later with Leigh."

"My mother and I had that kind of bond once..." I thought and just realized
I had said it out loud when he replied

"You don't talk much about your parents..." he said hesitantly, as if he was
expecting me to hit him for saying that

"Maybe it's because they haven't been an active part of my life for some
years now..."

"Can I ask why?" he asked and though I wasn't exactly into talking about
that, I decided that it was ok. Though I was shaking like a leaf: if I told
him, I'd have to tell him the reason. And I was scared to death of how he
might react. I've already told you about my over-imaginative mind, haven't
I? Well, that part was providing me a wide range of awful things that might
be about to happen just in the few seconds it took me to answer him

"They kicked me out of our house five years ago..." I said and he gasped
"When I told them I'm gay" I completed and instantly regretted saying it
when he started choking. If I had been nervous before, now I was even more
if that was possible, the only thought going around in my head being "OMG!
He's homophobe!" Believe me, I was ready to jump up and run at the slightest
of his moves. I just sat there, not knowing what to do, afraid that if I
touched him he'd react badly

"They kicked you out just because you're gay?" he said as soon as he could
form any words. I didn't know if he knew but that "just" in his question was
as comforting as a back rub and I found myself letting out a breath I didn't
even know I was holding in.

"Uhm... yeah..." I replied looking down at my hands as we both fell silent

"Man... and I thought it was hard for me..." he said so softly that if I
wasn't by his side I probably wouldn't have listened. My head instantly shot
up and I stared at him as he stared at his hands

"Wha... what did you... just... say?" I asked slowly, thinking I had
probably misunderstood what he had said. It had to be a misunderstanding.

"I said I thought my coming out to my parents was hard but it was nothing
compared to yours" he said and finally looked up, his eyes finally meeting
mine "Yeah, J, you heard it right: I'm gay" he completed and I couldn't
bring myself to put my jaw back in place

"But... but... you're... you're engaged... to a woman!" I replied and he
chuckled

"Cover up. Management can have the 'brightest' of ideas when their money is
in risk. They wanted to set me up with a woman as soon as they found out."
he chuckled, though it was more out of sarcasm and bitterness than any other
thing "I refused till Leigh decided to help me so they would leave me alone.
It was around the time of my surgery and I had my mom and Leigh worrying
about me being under stress. I didn't even have a say in it, the two of them
decided and comunicated it to me later" he laughed and I managed to let out
a chuckle though it was obvious that I was still a little out of it. And he
noticed it "You can close your mouth now." he teased and I laughed

"Oh, c'mon! You have to admit it's a little.... uhm.... overwhelming to have
you coming out to me out of the blue when I was sure you guys were all
straighter than straight. I mean, Kevin's married..."

"Kevin's straight." he cut me off "As far as I know of." he completed and we
laughed

"Well, you know what I mean... it's..... weird..."

"Guess it is"

"Thank you though. For trusting me enough to tell me that" I smiled and
hoped he couldn't listen how loud my heart was beating

"And thank you. For not freaking out." he replied and we laughed "What do
you say we order that pizza now? I'm starving"

"I don't know if I can digest anything else tonight but, hey, sure" I
replied and he laughed. I couldn't even point all the emotions floating
around in my mind. Surprise, relief, confusion, afinity and, deep down,
hope. And believe me, I was beating myself up for that last one...

		*****************************
                                        French Kiss Me - Part eight
                                              by Fallen Angel

The next month was spent preparing all the moves to all the new songs,
rehearsing new songs as well as old ones, getting to know everyone (I hated
being "the new kid" of the bunch), joking around with everyone, going to
Disney's (well, I had never been to Disney's so gimme a little credit here)
with Melanie and Mark (the guys refused to come with us for obvious reasons)
and trying not to tell Nycky about Brian. I'd never had to hide anything
from her but then I'd never had someone trusting me with such an important
thing. Everytime she asked if he "had jumped me" already, I had been about
to blurt out the truth but held myself. First because if he wanted people to
know about him, he wouldn't be engaged to a woman. Second because if I told
her, she'd kick my ass big time for not "jumping him". Either way, I
wouldn't be the one spreading "the news" (which would make the happiness of
every single tabloid in the planet, I'm sure).

On that note, Brian and I got kinda close. Nothing too intimate. Guess it
would be the afinity I mentioned before. We both loved movies, we both loved
basketball (and I kicked his ass big time. And repeatedly might I add), we
both liked guitars (the difference being that while he was good at it, I
sucked), we both loved home-cooked meals, the problem being that we both
sucked at doing it (me more than him), so we had to go for ordering food. He
actually cooked a few times during my stay there and though I told him it
was good he wouldn't believe me no matter how much I tried. We both loved a
lot of things in commom and it made me happy that I had finally made another
really good friend. Even if things didn't turn out the way Nycky wanted, it
would be nice to have him just as my friend as well...

Other thing in commom was that we both had our Nycky's. I was even a little
scared to actually meet Leighanne fearing to find a second version of MY
Nycky. And from what Brian told me, the resemblance (both inside and
outside) was frightening: they were both blonde, beautiful, smart, funny and
knew better than anybody else on the planet exactly what to say to make us
want to crawl in a ball and die. And yet, we loved them. Well, men can be
pretty stupid sometimes... even the gay ones...

Brian said I'd meet Leigh about a week into the tour, in England. She always
joined him whenever she could, after all they had to make people really
believe they were together, right? Though I knew he didn't have much choice,
everytime he talked about Leigh being in this mess to help him, the guilt
was crystal clear in his eyes. He told me he had tried to talk her out of
that but she'd just wave him off, saying that she needed a place to live
anyway. And besides that, being with him was excuse enought to travel a lot
more than if she wasn't with him. I couldn't help but think of how like
Nycky she was really proving to be. They were of that kind of totally
dedicated friends who'd give their lives to make their friends happy. And
being on the receiving side of that bargain would make anyone feel guilty. I
knew that because Nycky had done almost the same for me, in a different way
of course, but in a way it was all the same. His guilt got even heavier once
their fans started attacking Leigh for the simple fact that she was with
him. First because she wasn't really with him, second because even if she
was, that wasn't reason for her to be attacked for.

Anyway, I was really looking forward to meeting her. That would be about ten
days from then in Manchester... Europe... it had been far too long since I
had been there... I missed being there... it brought good memories...
painfull memories but good nonetheless...

                                  *****************************

WAIT! Before you start cussing me, throwing things, threatening me, I'll be
sending parts nine and ten as soon as I'm allowed to! Phew! Saved my skin,
huh? lmao

These were just another boring connecting chapters. The following
installment will be longer though. So, go ahead and tell me how much you
loved this (*sweet smile*) so I can send the next hehe The more love I get,
the faster I send (*muahahahahahah*) *ahem* sorry... Mail me at
luv_hugs_chocolate@hotmail.com

Hope to hear from you all. Thanx for all the feedback I've been getting.
I've already mailed you privately thanking you, but I just can't thank you
all enough. So... THANK YOU ALL SO SO MUCH! hehe
See ya!
Luv, hugs and chocolate!
Fallen Angel