Date: Tue, 07 Mar 2000 08:22:16 +0000
From: Eriker <eriker@earthlink.net>
Subject: boy-bands/front-row/front-row-4

This is a continuation of Front Row...I know I said it wouldn't be
continued but I lied. This started going in my head and wouldn't leave
til I wrote it all down.

This, however, is the end. I mean it this time.

Oh, I guess I lied in the notes for "Different Point of View" too...this
is officially the happiest ending I have ever written...Gene and
Kev...see what you made me do ;-)

Standard disclaimers apply. This is not meant to imply anything about
member of the Backstreet Boys.

All my thanks go out to my little family of sorts.
Gene.....remember...always. <hugs>
Ashley...thanks for being the other half of my brain.
Kevin....I am so thankful that I got to know you. You are a sweetheart.

<...> are Kevin's thoughts.

Please send any comments to eriker@earthlink.net

Thanks for reading
Eriker
******************************************************

I can't belong and I won't be free
If I fail to bring your lovin' back to me
So I'm pressin' on
I hope you understand
There's a broken heart that lies inside your hands

So if I could change
And it won't hurt your pride
Baby you can help me stop these tears that I cry

Don't stop
The sun from shining down on me
`Cause I can't face another day without your smile
And if you take away the loving arms that surround me
Then I might break down and cry just like a child


Front Row 4
by Eriker

		       2-15-02 (or six months later)

	<Can I handle life alone? Yeah, sure I can. We were a band as long as
we chose to be...and now we have chosen not to be...can I handle life
alone again? Fuck......> Kevin's brain wouldn't let him rest. AJ made
some good points, but this had to end. He couldn't let Nick that close.
He just couldn't.

	Kevin walked up the drive to his house, mentally bracing himself for
what was about to happen. All he wanted to do was run, but Kevin's fate
was leaning against his front door waiting for him. Nick looked up as
Kevin approached and spoke. "We need to talk. There are still things
that need to be said, and I realized that if I waited for you to come to
me, I wouldn't ever see you again."

	"No. I made it all very clear. We're through," Kevin sighed, closing
his eyes in exhaustion.

	"No, actually we aren't," Nick said as he followed Kevin into his home.

	"Carter, what part of this are you not getting? We aren't going to
discuss this." Kevin was trying to keep his voice under control but,
like everything else in his life, that too was slipping.

	"No, actually we are." Nick said with a wry grin.

	"Damn you. We are through," Kevin's voice dropped. "We need to be
through."

	"Kevin....Kevin we are *not* through. Maybe the Backstreet Boys are
over and maybe we can't work together anymore, but you know what isn't
over....," Nick paused while moving forward to stand directly in front
of Kevin and look him in the eye. "The fact that Kevin and Nick love
each other...that, my friend, is not over."

	"No....no...no....no....no" This was the moment Kevin had been praying
would never occur, and all he could do was deny.

	"Yes dammit. I love you Kevin....and guess what? You love me too. Know
what else? I am through ignoring that fact. I have been doing everything
I knew how to keep things going between us as friends....until you were
ready to move to the next level. Then it hit me that you were never
going to let that happen were you? You thought you could decide for both
of us and push me out of your life. No way. I am not leaving. Now I'm
deciding for both of us." Nick hands were surprisingly still during all
of this as he levelly gazed at his friend.

	"Nick, we can't do this.....please I can't do this." Denial wasn't
working....this was really happening.

	" We can't not do this."  Nick reached forward in an attempt to stroke
Kevin's cheek and was not all that surprised when Kevin flinched away.

	" No....I don't want you. I don't want this." There...he, Kevin
Richardson, had said it. The lie that would eventually kill him as
surely as if he had pulled a trigger.

	"Oh no.....you think I don't know you, Kevin? I know you better than
anyone right now. I know why you've been acting this way, and I know
that you *do* want this. You want it so much that you would rather die
than taste it and have it taken away." Nick stepped forward
again...closing in on Kevin who was staring out the patio door.

	"Nick....you don't understand. I can't love like that. I just
can't.....I just can't," Kevin's voice was a whisper.

	"You can...you do already. What you can't do is admit it and that's
okay. I can deal with that right now. For now this is enough. For now I
just need you to let me back into your life. You know you can't do this
alone, Kevin." Nick was standing directly behind Kevin now.

	"Please......please don't make this happen. I can't survive this kind
of loss...." Kevin Scott Richardson was reduced to begging for his
sanity from the only person who could grant it. His mind was flashing
back to a different room and pledging his love before...and being hurt
badly. <I can't let this happen. I have to get him away. Please
God......>

	"Kevin....nothing has happened yet, and you're already trying to take
it away from us. You aren't going to lose me. I'm not going anywhere.
I've been by your side for almost eight years. I love you." Nick put his
hand on Kevin's shoulder, gently trying to turn him.

	Kevin acquiesced, looking straight into the bright eyes that ruled him.
His request for a stay of sentence was denied.  "Do you know what you're
asking?"

	"Yes, I do, but I don't want an answer as of yet. We don't need to set
forever in stone tonight....at least no more than it has been set in
stone since the day we met." A smile graced Nick's face as he took
Kevin's icy hand. "And I know we need to get the band business out of
the way before any of the rest of this can be resolved. As soon as the
negotiations are finished and we both have gotten some sleep, we're
going to talk this out. All of it."

	"You aren't going to let this go are you? We can't just go back to
friends?" Kevin was trying to keep his heart closed but, somehow, it
wasn't working. He felt the warmth of life returning to him.

	"Kevin...I'm not letting you go. I am not going backwards. We're both
going forward...together. " Nick brought Kevin's hand up to his own
cheek and leaned into the palm.

	"Why are you making the all the choices?" This was his last effort to
regain control.

	"Well Mr. Big Brother, I let you lead us this far and, to be frank,
you weren't doing such a great job. So I took over, and look how far
we've come...."  Nick's words trailed off as he slowly came forward to
place his lips against Kevin's.

	Kevin froze...he had sworn this day would never happen again but, now
that it was here he couldn't deny it any longer.  He slowly brought his
arms up to circle his friend, rather annoyed that Nick still had his
coat on.....he wanted an armful of Nicky, not nylon. Nick opened his
mouth to deepen the kiss briefly and Kevin was swept away by his second
taste of this forbidden fruit...of his lover.....<lover...shit....this
wasn't supposed to happen...I let this happen and this wasn't supposed
to....stupid stupid stupid> Kevin's brain was going into overdrive. When
Nick pulled back, he felt Kevin trembling.

	"Stop it," Nick put his hands on either side of Kevin's head to force
him into eye contact. "I know what you're thinking and you're wrong.
We're meant to be. You need to stop fighting this. I love you. I'll say
that as many times as it takes and I will show you too..but not now."

	"What? But I thought...." <yeah right, Kevy what the fuck did you
think...the BSB is basically over, barring final negotiations and you
haven't slept in two days.>

	"You know we need sleep and I think we need to put the management
issues to rest before we continue this. I'm not going to stay here
tonight...I can't. We need to approach this slowly and on our own. As
soon as this is over, I'm coming back here and we're going to talk even
if it kills us." Nick was de-tangling himself from Kevin's tight
embrace. "And I know what you are thinking....'who the hell does he
think he is? telling me what is going to happen.' Well Kevin I'm the guy
that loves you and I'm taking care of stuff until you can again...okay?
The band crap is your primary concern right now...leave the relationship
shit to me." Nick smiled again more confidently this time.

	"Why does this all scare me so much?" Kevin knew there was no answer
but he felt the words fall before he could stop them.

	"Because it means so much." Nick was walking towards the door and Kevin
couldn't help but follow.  "Kevin Richardson, I love you. I will never
leave you. I need you to know that. Do you understand?"

	"Yes.... I do...I think I finally do." Kevin was still a little stunned
when Nick leaned forward to kiss him quickly and chastely before ducking
out the door.

	Kevin looked around his place and, for the first time in a week, it
didn't seem so crowded. It seemed empty. He half expected to wake up
now. This had to be another dream, but for once it wasn't a nightmare.
Kevin smiled to himself. <I think this might work.....I think this
actually might work. He loves me and I know.  I love him...and I will
tell him as soon as I can. He vowed to stay. I can do this if he will
stay with me. Now we just need to finish this with Jive.>

	For the first time in years Kevin felt hope rise and start to burn in a
little corner he used to call his heart as his cell phone started
ringing.

<finis>