Date: Sun, 25 Feb 2001 14:24:20 -0800 (PST) From: Sun Child <heartmindsoulau@yahoo.com> Subject: Garden of Song 12 WARNING: If you are not of legal age to be here, please leave now. I'm not the one who is gonna get their ass fried for you doing something illegal. I have met the band before, but I do not know their sexuality, not that it is my business, but I am still gonna dream... I mean Daniel is so HOT! Any songs that appear in the story will be credited at the bottom. If it says that the song is mine and you want to use it, just ask. Probably won't be a problem but just ask. If you are offended by m/m concepts, please leave and don't come back to any of my stories, I don't appreciate abuse for it which I am really pissed off about. T. Churchill don't ever write again... you have been warned. Stories I like: Search and Rescue - (boy-bands) great JC from Nsync story. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT! Jamie's Romance - (boy-bands) A fantastic story that is worth the time to sit and read. Never doubt the power of love is the message I seem to get from this story. MORE MORE MORE! JC Dreams - (boy-bands) I enjoy writing this one as much as Garden. If you haven't read it, do me a favour and read it then let me know what you think. Yesterday's Child - (high school) same as above. :o) Brandis Redemption - (celebrity) Jonathan Brandis... I haven't seen or heard from him for a while. Except in this fan-fucking-tastic story. Feedback: heartmindsoulau@yahoo.com or heartmindsoulau@hotmail.com ICQ#104300787 Feel free if you should wish to put me on MSN Messanger, should you want to... I'm getting to the entire yahoo messanger thing, it's just not on the comp yet. I am Australian and trying to write in an international lingo so give me a break if I spell something different or have a different phrasing to what you are used to. Well, now that's over I'll start the story. Garden of Songs 12 by Sun Child I'd been home a few days and I could feel the demons that I had faced return to haunt and persecute me. I think after a while Daniel noticed. One night we were on the couch, well he was sitting on it and I was lying on it with my head in his lap. "Dan, what's wrong? You've been funny since you got home." Daniel asked. "Nothing. Something. Everything." I told him feeling confused myself. Daniel looked at me. "What do you mean?" "Well, I don't know, I faced all my demons but they plague me. I feel as though, now that I've dealt with it all, I've just torn my life to pieces and I can't pick them up anymore. I'm usually the one that holds it together and helps others pull it together. Now I've fallen apart, I don't feel like I can pick myself up and mend the breaks. I've more or less told my father to get fucked, I've told David I don't even want to know his name and I visited Brendon's grave and felt like jumping in there after him. I'm falling apart Daniel and I don't know what to do." "Well you don't have to deal with it all on your own. You have me, you have Robert, you have mum. We're all here for you." I sat up and looked at him, my eyes frosted with tears. "I've been hurt so much and I know I've hurt my father and David and I feel terrible. I am so used to being hurt I never thought that I could hurt others. I don't like it Daniel, it's a horrible feeling to know that you've hurt someone like I have just done. I know that I can hurt people when I want to, but I've killed people's feelings and not just their ego like usual. I just want to be rid of the feeling." I felt the barriers give way and the tears begin to fall. Daniel pulled me to him and I let the tears fall freely for the first time since Brendon died. I let the tears just keep coming. Seven months of hurt fell from my eyes with more still to come and their sadness matted Daniel's shirt to his shoulder. A shoulder of love and compassion. My rock of which I could build an empire, strong and never faltering. After a time, I had just exhausted myself in crying and Daniel lifted me in his arms. This would have been a major feat considering he was not an overtly athletic person, he was not unfit, but he was not hugely physical either. He carried me up the stairs and lay me down in his bed, gently he lay down beside me, stroking my hair, calming me. The next morning, I woke to find Daniel still lying beside me. He was asleep and had his arm drapped across my chest. He looked so comfortable, I didn't have the heart to wake him. I leant over and kissed him lightly on the forehead. I then lifted his arm from my chest and made my way downstairs. I grabbed my smokes from my bag and went out onto the front steps and sat down. I sat there, enjoying the quiet and serenity when Darren walked around the corner. He looked up at me and I just looked back, meeting his eyes. They were strangely empty. We stayed there just watching each other. "What can I do for you Darren?" I eventually asked, politely and civilly. "I don't know. I don't even know why I am here. I came to see Daniel I guess. I guess I also came to see you." He said. I finished my smoke and flicked it away. "Come inside, I'll get us a coffee." With that I stood and walked inside. He followed, a little lost, and I don't know... I can't place it. He just seemed so demure. "White with two?" I asked him. He just nodded absent mindedly. When the kettle had boiled, I finished making the coffee and sat down at the table and looked at him. "So what did you want to talk to me about?" "The, I don't know, hate and spite between us. I think it's time to resolve it all. It's tearing apart you and Daniel and me and Daniel. I know it's on two levels, it's destroying your relationship and it's destroying my friendship with him and at the moment, I don't have a whole lot of friends. I seem to have driven them all away. First the split with Colby, now the fighting with you and nearly causing you and Daniel to break up... it's not right what I'm doing." "Really? What gave that away?" I said sarcastically. "Dan please, I'm trying here." "Darren, you have to look at it from where I'm coming from. You for no apparent reason have despised me for as long as I can remember. You have done everything you can to tear me to shreds whenever we are near each other. Since Daniel and I got together, you have being trying your god-damned hardest to break us up. Tell me how I am meant to try when I have all that infront of me." "I never said it would be easy to do but it's something that we have to do. For Daniel's sake because it's coming to a point where he has to choose. If he chooses me, it'll mean your friendship is gone and he will never forgive me, if he chooses you, it means the band is gone and he will resent you for that reason." "Alright, for Daniel I will be civil. Don't for one second mistake that for friendship because there is a vast distance that you are yet to realise no doubt." Darren nodded his head understanding. "Okay, well I'm not going to wake Daniel, I will get him to call you when he wakes up and not before. It's taken it's toll on him and he is exhausted." Darren nodded his hand and drained his coffee and got up and rinsed the mug. He then looked at me. "Daniel told me you were recording a CD. There's a track that I would like to do with you. It describes us both perfectly." "What would that be?" "Out of Your Mind. It's by Truesteppers and features Victoria Beckham and Dane Bowers." I thought for a moment. "I know the song. I have the single in my car. Sounds good. If you can get the music, we can record it after doing vocal warm up." Darren smiled and nodded. "I'm not doing it out of friendship Darren. I'm doing it because I want the song on my CD. You can decide which role you'd like, male or female and I'll do the other." "I'll do Dane's. You can be female." He told me. He had a smile on his face but it didn't reach his eyes. I just nodded. "Well, it was nice talking to you but I have a boyfriend upstairs who I am going to go check on. I'll let him know you dropped by." "Thanks. I'll get you the music by tomorrow." With that Darren walked from the kitchen and I heard the front door close. Sighing I shook my head then walked upstairs to check on Daniel. The next day Darren appeared on the doorstep, sheet music in hand. "Here you go." "Thanks, sorry Daniel didn't call... he didn't get up until late." Darren nodded. "That's cool. I let you look over the music and we record it tomorrow?" I just nodded. "Okay, well I'll catch Daniel tomorrow then." I nodded. "Okay, see you then." I told Darren. "Bye." With that Darren turned and walked away. This was worrying me. Why was he being so friendly all of a moment. Darren wouldn't be nice to me at any time, no matter the consequence. What was he up to? The next day, same time, Darren was on the doorstep and looekd at me. "Ready to record." I nodded and let him in. We walked to the studio, Darren waved at a still half-asleep Daniel sitting in the lounge room. Daniel gave a groggy wave and went back to his coffee. Closing the door I set down the music. I started playing basic notes on the piano and let Darren do a vocal warm up. I then did my own while he listened. When I was done I looked back at him. "Right well, you ready?" I asked. Darren nodded and I hit a small switch which started the recording. Who do you think you are Telling me I've gone too far You must be out of your mind Tell your friends I was bugging you But you weren't being true Slipping out of your mind Open you eyes, oh you trouble me Expensive lies, but you're playing for free I gave you what you want, what you need My time's a wastin', but for you it's a breeze You're out of your mind Gonna make this really easy (I'm not out of my mind) Gonna show you I'm not crazy Boy you're wastin' your time (I'm not wastin' my time) You're out of your mind (I'm not out of my mind) Thinking you were something special Time has shown I now I know you wrong I have been Always feel that you're using me, confusing me, two timing me I can't remember how long it has been Open you eyes, oh you trouble me Expensive lies, but you're playing for free I gave you what you want, what you need My time's a wastin', but for you it's a breeze You're out of your mind Gonna make this really easy (I'm not out of my mind) Gonna show you I'm not crazy Boy you're wastin' your time (I'm not wastin' my time) You're out of your mind (I'm not out of my mind) You say in this song people jump on you What this guy is saying can't be true All I'm saying is some girls can dream Stop buggin' him unless you wanna get the flick I hate the lies Open you eyes, oh you trouble me Expensive lies, but you're playing for free I gave you what you want, what you need My time's a wastin', but for you it's a breeze You're out of your mind Gonna make this really easy (I'm not out of my mind) Gonna show you I'm not crazy Boy you're wastin' your time (I'm not wastin' my time) You're out of your mind (I'm not out of my mind) You're out of your mind Gonna make this really easy (I'm not out of my mind) Gonna show you I'm not crazy Boy you're wastin' your time (I'm not wastin' my time) You're out of your mind (I'm not out of my mind) This tune's gonna punish you. With that I got up and hit stop. Heading in the audio booth, I played it back. Both of us were happy with the end result. I started to fiddle with it, adding a synthesizer and various other parts. The last thing I added was the bass. I then played it again. It was fast, it was dance, it was techno... it was me. The lyrics ran around in my head. Trying to piece them together and fit them to the situation. Finally setting it to lay down onto the CD I had placed in there, we walked out of the studio and Daniel looked up at me and Darren. Darren looked back at him. I caught the exchange and commented. "Okay, time for you to talk, I'll be in the kitchen." With that I made a hasty exit from the room. Making my way to the kitchen I went straight to the cupboard and grabbed ingredients... cooking time. I had taken the first cake out of the oven and put the second one in when I heard something and went to investigate. There was Darren, undressing himself, forcing himself on Daniel. I reached over and grabbed Darren by the hair and pulled him back. "Don't even think it." I whispered dangerously in his ear. "Why? He never said no." Darren growled back. "Did he say yes?" "Ask him." "Daniel?" I looked Daniel in the eyes and he looked away. "I offered Dan. It's not Darren's fault." I dropped Darren and backed away. Daniel got up and moved towards me. I stepped back away from him. "Dan..." He tried. "Don't say it Daniel. I don't want to know." With that I turned and left the room. I grabbed my keys wallet and phone and walked towards the door. Daniel moved to intercept me. "Dan, will you just listen?" "Listen to what? You love me but you were just going to fuck Darren. I'm not interested. I don't know if I'll be back so don't wait up." "When will you be back?" "I don't know. Never is sounding good at the moment." I told him. Daniel looked down. "Daniel, look me in the eyes." Daniel lifted his eyes. "Now tell me you love me." Daniel's eyes dropped to the floor again. That was it, I pushed around him and opened the door. "Dan." He said as he grabbed my arm. I shrugged it off. "Don't Daniel. The damage is done. I'll get my things in the morning." With that I walked out the door, closing it after me. As I drove away, I felt hurt, rejected and betrayed. I couldn't believe it, I had let myself love again and I got hurt again. Why did this always happen to me? As soon as I love I get burnt. How many times did I have to be hurt before I gave up. 'That's it.' I decided. 'I give up on men.' Turning the corner, I parked my car. Walking up to the door I knocked. A few moments later, Robert opened the door. --- Well, there it is, Chapter 12 finished. 1) Out of Your Mind - True Steppers feat Victoria beckham and Dane Bowers. So what did you think of the story? Let me know... feedback options at the top of the chapter. Keep safe SC.