Date: Wed, 24 Nov 1999 11:36:00 EST
From: Neil V <silverneil@hotmail.com>
Subject: Getting Reacquainted (Part XVII)
DISCLAIMER: This story is not for those under the age of 18 years (21 in
some areas). It includes discriptions of male/male sexual acts. This
story includes celebrity persona; however, it is not meant to imply or
suggest the sexual orientation of those celebrities.
-------------------
Getting Reaquainted
-------------------
by Neil
My e-mail address is SilverNeil@hotmail.com
ICQ # 49278358
Part XVII
---------
Brian kissed him. Brian is kissing him again.
The guy says, "I really enjoyed this afternoon. I had no idea when I
woke up this morning that anything like this would happen. I mean, wow, to
meet Brian Littrell at the restaurant, then you invite me back here...wow."
He laughs. Okay, the guy's cute, even if he is a bit obvious. It's a
little comforting to know that Brian cheats with taste.
Brian: "Well, I normally don't do anything like this during the day,
but Jerry, when I saw you...." I notice he's using his 'sex voice.' Which
means they did what I think they did.
Jerry: "Oh, stop." He blushes. "So you said you'd call me next time
you're in Denver?"
I have an idea. I have still have my appointment book out....
Brian: "Yes, I will. I promise."
I step out from behind the corner. "Would you like me to keep track
of his number for you, Mr. Littrell?" I have my pen in hand, ready to
write.
When Brian sees me, he immediately drops Jerry's hands.
"Uuumm....Chris...you....you're back....uuuhhh."
"OK, so we have Jerry in Denver." I write it down. "I assume you
have his number?"
Jerry smirks at me, then at Brian. "Oh yeah, he has it written down
_somewhere_. Bye, Brian. I'll be expecting a call." He puts his hand on
Brian's shoulder, then slides it down his arm. He walks by me to the
elevator. I watch him until the doors close, then I turn back to Brian,
very very slowly. And I'm sure the look on my face is not something he
likes seeing.
"Chris, I....it's....you w....ah, shit." He doesn't move from his
spot in his doorway.
I don't say a word. I walk to the door to 407, which is across the
hall from Brian, and open it. I throw my smaller bags in through the door,
then come to stand in front of Brian. I point into his room, and he walks
back in. I follow him in, and close the door behind us. The first thing I
notice is the messed-up bed. I point to a seat at a round table, and he
sits. I walk over to the nightstand, and open the drawer. I knew it would
be in here: his ring. I take it and close the drawer. I walk back over to
the table. I take my ring off; it's the first time I've had it off since
he put it on me. I put both rings in one hand, and slam them down hard in
the center of the table. I sit down opposite Brian. I cross my arms,
motion with my head towards the rings, and say calmly, "What do those mean
to you?"
"Chris, I just"
"WHAT_do_those_mean_to_you?"
He sits there silently, staring at the rings. Tears started a while
ago, but now they're intensifying. Through a lot of sniffles, he says,
"They mean the world to me. They mean we're together, the two of us. They
mean we love each other above and beyond anything else. They mean....they
mean I'm a terrible husband and a terrible person." He crosses his arms on
the table and lays his head on them. He sobs uncontrollably for five
minutes. I don't do anything to comfort him; I just sit here with my arms
crossed over my chest. "Christopher, I don't know what to say for myself.
I just went a week without you, and"
"And _I_ went a week without _you_. But _I_ didn't do anything like
this."
"...and you weren't supposed to be back until Sunday..."
"_THAT_ is supposed to make it alright?! What I can't see can't hurt
me? Damn it, Brian...."
"No, that's not what I meant...I don't know what I meant. I don't
know why I did it. I don't know anything!" Again he puts his head down
and sobs. After a few more minutes, he looks me in the eyes.
"Christopher, I promise this will never happen again. I love you more than
life itself. I don't know why I did it. I just can't believe I did it.
I'm so stupid...." He is really beating himself up about this. I can feel
my resolve dissolve, but I steel myself once again. He _should_ be beating
himself up about this. "I don't expect you to forgive me, but I really
hope you can. I don't know how to prove to you that this will never happen
again. I do love you more than anything. It - he - didn't mean anything
to me. I just....I promise you it won't happen again."
I take the two rings from the center of table and get up. I walk
around it to him. He looks up at me. "Your hand." He sticks out a hand.
I put the silver ring with a yellow stone in it. When he sees which ring
he has, he looks up at me with a look of shock and hurt. I can leave it at
this: he has the ring he bought me back, and I have the ring I bought him
back. That would mean we're split. And truthfully, I am so hurt by and
angry at him right now I feel like I could do it. But then that rational
part of my mind speaks up and tells me that I'd hate myself later. So I
put out my right hand, with the pinkie towards him. The hurt/shock look
fades as he slips it onto my finger. Then I take his right hand and slip
his ring back on. One more look into his eyes, then I leave.
I exit his room, and close the door behind me. The tears start.
"Hey, Chris! I didn't...whoa, what's wrong?" The voice from down the hall
belongs to Nick. I just cross the hall to my room and open the door. I
notice all of my bags are in here. Nick comes into my room behind me.
"Chris, what's wrong?" He puts his hand on my shoulder and turns me to
face him. I just bury my head in his shoulder. He leads me over to the
bed, and we sit down.
"I can't believe he did this to me! He said he loved me!" I cry out,
not really meaning for Nick to know what I was talking about. I just said
it to get it out. "How could he do this? _Why_ did he do this?!? I love
him, but he...." I can't continue because I'm crying too hard. Nick puts
his arms around me.
"Chris, you're going to have to calm down. What are you talking
about? Is it Brian? What did he do?" The phone rings. Nick answers it.
"Yeah?...It's Nick. What did you do, man? Chris is over here bawling his
eyes out.....YOU WHAT??!!...Brian, just shut up. I'm sure he doesn't want
to talk to you. Heck, _I_ really don't feel like talking to you, but I'm
coming over right now." He hangs up the phone, then picks it back up. He
dials. "Kevin, get to 407 right now....Just do it." He hangs back up.
"Chris, I'm going to go get to the bottom of this thing with Brian. Kevin
is on his way over. Are you going to be okay?"
I nod my head. "Yeah, but you really don't have to go talk to Brian.
I mean, he"
"I know I don't have to, but I want to. I wanna know what was going
on in that fucked-up head of his." I could tell he was angry too. There
was a knock on the door. Nick got up and answered it. Kevin saw me crying
on the bed. I watched as they talked quietly. Nick motioned at me, then
over to Brian's room. The Kevin got a shocked look and looked over to
Brian's room. He started to go over, but Nick stopped him. It looked like
Nick was telling Kevin that he would go over and for Kevin to stay here
with me. And that's what happened. Kevin came over and sat beside me.
"Chris, I don't know what to say. I usually speak in Brian's defense,
but this time...I'm just not sure what he was thinking. Are you okay?"
"I'm not right now, but I will be. I just don't understand it, Kevin.
I just don't."
"Me either, but one thing's for sure. Nick is going to give him a
yelling-at that he won't forget." He chuckled, but stopped when he saw
that I wasn't in the mood for laughter. "So, when did you get in? And how
did you get a room here?"
"I got back...oh, I don't know...15 minutes ago. And AJ got me the
room."
"AJ? Don't you think that was a bit risky, putting some
responsibility in his hands?" This time we both chuckled.
"Well, not to offend you or anything, but I just thought that maybe
you couldn't keep a tasty little bit of info like this from your cousin.
See, I wanted to surprise him, and I suppose I did that. However, I wasn't
expecting to have a little surprise myself."
"You mean you actually saw...uuhh"
"No, just the aftermath. The cute little goodbye kisses in the hall."
"Whew....I mean, not that that's a relief or anything, but"
"I know what you mean, Kevin. If I had come probably 10 minutes
earlier, there'd be a media circus over the dick-less Backstreet Boy who
was rushed to the local hospital." Neither of us laughed at that because
we both knew I was getting angry again. "Shit, Kevin. It was perfect
until that wedding. Heck, that's only been a week ago. And now
everything's just"
I was interrrupted by a knock on the door. Kevin got up to answer it.
AJ was at the other side, looking at Brian's door. "Hey, Chris, what's" He
turns to face my room and jumps back when he sees Kevin standing there.
"Shit, Kevin, you scared me to death. Where's Chris?" Kevin steps aside
and motions to me. "What the hell happened?" AJ walks in, and Kevin
closes the door.
I just looked at him. I couldn't say it. When Kevin saw this, he
talked for me. "You know Chris was coming back earlier than he said to
surprise Brian. Well, it seems that Brian had a gentleman caller."
"He what?" I knew AJ knew what Kevin meant, but he just had to be
100% sure.
This time I said it. "He cheated on me. The fucking bastard cheated
on me." I started crying again. Kevin rubbed my back as I sobbed, and AJ
went to the bathroom to get me some water.
AJ asks, "I guess that's why I heard Nick yelling in Brian's room."
Kevin just nods. There's another knock on the door. Kevin answers it
again. It's Brian. AJ mutters, "Shit."
Kevin: "Brian, I don't think he's really in the mood to"
"Yes, I am." I get up off of the bed and stand up. "Now, if you'll
all excuse us." AJ and Kevin cautiously step out into the hall to join
Nick, who was standing in front of Brian's room. AJ closes the door behind
him. As the door clicks shut, I shift my eyes to Brian. His eyes are all
red and puffy, tears are running down his face. He starts to walk towards
me. "Don't, Brian."
He stops. "Why? Chris, I love you so much. I'm so sorry, please
don't turn me away like this."
"I'm not turning you away. I just don't want you so close to me right
now. Please respect that." He looks into my eyes and nods his head. "Who
was Jerry?"
"What?"
"Who was Jerry?"
"What do you mean? Why is that impor"
I interrupt him. "Brian, I just want to know. I want to know what
you did today. Now sit down and tell me."
He sat in a chair. "We have a whole day off. I didn't get a lot of
sleep last night, so I woke up late. I decided to go to a restaurant to
have brunch. Just me. While I was eating, Jerry came up to me. He
introduced himself and told me he was a big fan of the group. I invited
him to join me while I ate, for the company. I don't know why, but I ended
up inviting him back here to the hotel."
I just nodded my head while I digested the story. "I am giving you
just _one_ shot at a decent, rational explanation. You have all the time
in the world. Starting now."
Brian sits in the chair and stares at the floor, thinking. Seeing
that he is going take me up on my offer of 'all the time in the world', I
pick up my bags and start unpacking. Occassionally I glace over at him. I
can see the gears working in his mind. His facial expressions change while
he thinks of his explanation. I can also see that he's very mad at himself
and is still beating himself up. Good, at least I don't have so much to
do.
-----Out In The Hall-----
Nick, AJ, and Kevin stare at Chris' door for a moment. Then Kevin
says, "I think we'd better head back to our rooms or whatever. We don't
know how long they'll be in there, and it certainly wouldn't look good if
we were just staring at the door when they do come out." Nick and AJ nod,
and the three separate.
-----Back in Chris' Room-----
I finish unpacking and grab a chair. I drag it to a place beside a
wall and sit leaning back against the wall. Brian sits up straight and
looks at me.
"Alright. For the past few weeks, things have been just great. Since
we've been back together, I'm the happiest I've been in my whole life. We
spend so much time together, and it's wonderful. We're so close, and I
really like that. But when you went away this week, I missed that. I'm
not as close to any of the guys. But when I met Jerry this morning, he
reminded me so much of you. So outgoing, carefree, and caring. He has the
same eyes as you; that's what got my attention. And he treated me like a
normal person, despite his being a big fan. I just saw so much of you in
him. And I just thought that we were the closest when we made love, so I
thought that maybe...somehow...that could make up for the feeling on
loneliness I had when you were gone. I know that doesn't justify what I
did; nothing does. But you wanted an explanation, and that's the best I
can do."
He sat silently as I pondered. "A question: is that the truth, or are
you just trying to flatter me?" I look deep into his eyes, daring him to
even think about lying to me.
And he knew it. He knew that if he lied to me, that was it. And he
knew that using that story to flatter me wouldn't have been in his best
interests. "That is the truth, Christopher."
Still examining those eyes, I can see that he is telling the truth. I
nod my head. "Now I need time alone."
He doesn't move. Instead he says, "I love you, Christopher. And only
you. I know you might doubt that right now, and I can understand why. But
I just want to make it clear. I love _you_." Then he gets up and leaves
my room.
As the door comes to a close, I whisper, "I love you too, Brian." I
move over to the bed and lie down. I quickly fall asleep.
The ringing telephone wakes me up. "Hello?"
"Hi, Chris, this is Kevin. We're all going out for dinner. We'll
understand if you don't want to, but we'd like it if you came."
"Yeah, sure, I'll go."
"Okay. Are you sure?"
"Yes, Kevin."
"Okay. Meet us in my room. 413. Bye."
I got up, straightened my clothes and my hair, and went to Kevin's
room. He, AJ, and Nick were there. "Hey guys, where's Howie?"
AJ answers, "He left way early this morning to spend the whole day
with some friends of his who moved here about a year ago. We're going to
meet him at the restaurant." Brian knocks on the door, and Kevin lets him
in. When he sees me, Brian lowers his eyes to the floor. I feel kinda sad
for him, but I can't just forgive him like that.
Nick says, "I guess we're ready. Let's roll."
AJ, Nick, and I sat on one side of the limo, while Kevin and Brian sat
on the other. Kevin sat across from me. Brian looked out the window the
entire time. Nobody said anything the whole way there.
We got our table; Howie wasn't there yet. The server takes our drink
orders and leaves. "So, Kevin, update me. What's this week look like?"
He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out an appointment book.
He hands it to me. I open up. "It's not too much, Chris, just a lot of
bus traveling." He gives me a concerned look, then quickly shifts his eyes
to Brian then back to me.
"Hhhhmm....I see." I give him a half-smile, letting him know that I
can handle it. The others notice it as well. But not Brian; he is just
staring down at the place where his plate should be.
"Hey, guys, what's up?" Howie says as he comes towards the table.
"Chris! I wasn't expecting you back so soon. That does clear some stuff
up. hehehe"
I give him a weird look. "What exactly does that clear up?"
"Well, uummm...last night."
"What about it?"
"My room _is_ right next to Brian's..." He lowered his voice, "...so
I kinda heard you two." Kevin gives Brian an awful look. Nick and AJ just
have looks of disbelief.
"Howie, I wasn't in last night."
He gets a puzzled look. "Then what...?"
I turn to Brian. "Yes or no: Did Howie hear sex noises coming from
your room last night?"
His face turns red, and I already know the answer. He can't look me
in the eye. In a barely audible whisper: "...yes...."
Kevin hisses across the table, "Brian!"
"No, Kevin, don't." Kevin, AJ, and Nick look at me. "I am going for
a walk right now. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know when I'll be
back at the hotel. But I don't want you four tearing into him. Can you
promise me that?"
Nick says, "What?! What do you...?"
"I mean what I said. Don't say a word to him about it, don't yell or
anything. Now promise me."
Nick nodded. Kevin, AJ, and lastly Howie nodded. I stood then looked
down to Brian, who was covering his eyes with his hands. I leave the
restaurant.
The cold night air almost instantly freezes my nose. I pull my coat
tighter around me. I can see the large neon sign of our hotel from here,
so I'll make a big circle path to get there. I start out.
I think, "Why is this happening to me? I don't understand why he did
those things that he did. Today's incident seems to be explained, but what
about last night?" The reality hits me like a freght train: He is still
just a horndog. "No, I can't believe that. He isn't. He has shown that
to me. He waited until we were 'married'. Ugh...'married'. Cheating
husband. Gee, that one's new. I just wish I knew what he was thinking.
Not only what he was thinking when he was doing these things, but also what
he is thinking now. Does he really regret it? If I were to leave again,
would he do the same thing? And would he be able to rationalize his way
out of all of his troubles? No. This is it. I can't take any more of
this. I can't believe he didn't tell me about last night! True, I wasn't
exactly in the mood to hear it, but to have to hear it over dinner....
Plus, I don't think he was going to tell me about it at all. 'I didn't get
a lot of sleep last night...' he said. I didn't even think about the
possibility that he was being a tramp then too. But I love him. I really
do. And I think he loves me. No, I _know_ he loves me. The two of us
make love; he just has sex with the rest of the civilized gay community."
I actually find myself smiling at this thought, but the smile quickly
fades. "What if these people go out and tell? What if he didn't use
protection with them? What if he finds one that he actually likes better
than me? I can't believe this is happening to me."
-----Back At The Restaurant-----
None of the Boys have said a word since Chris left. Brian hasn't been
able to look up at any of them. Nor can he eat. He thinks, "How could I
have done this to him? I can't...I don't understand this. I know I'm the
one who did all this, but I do't know why. I know I love him. And I kow
he loves me. I'm such an idiot. Brain, what the hell were you thinking?"
Brian gets up from the table and goes to the bathroom. He stares at his
reddened, sick face in the mirror. "Well, moron, what have you gotten
yourself into?" He wishes the reflection could give him an answer, but he
knows it can't. He goes back out to the table. A couple minutes later,
they leave the restaurant.
-----Chris-----
I find myself at the entrance to our hotel. I check my watch. One
and a half hours ago I was leaving the restaurant. I sarcastically think,
"Wow, time flies when you're having fun." I enter and head up to my room.
Fumbling with my gloves and keys, I drop the key-card to my room. Bending
over to pick it up, I am startled when I stand back up and see Brian. He's
standing at the door to his room, turned sideways to me. I give a weak
half-smile, then insert the keycard into the lock. He does the same. I
open my door and take one step inside. I hear his door open. "Brian." He
stops and turns to me. "Good night."
"Good night, Chris." He lowers his head and goes into his room,
closing the door behind him. I stand there for a few seconds. I look at
his door and mouth, "I love you."
-----Brian-----
'Geez I thought I wouldn't have to run into him tonight.' "Goodnight,
Chris."
I walk into my room, and close the door. I have to see him. I look
through the peephole. 'What is he doing just stading there? Wait, he's
turning. Is he coming over here? No. He just mouthed "I love you"!
"I love you" I manage to whisper. I know he couldn't hear it; I guess
it was just so _I_ could hear it. I do love him. But I hate myself. How
could I do this? How could I ruin the best thing in my life?
-----In Chris' Room-----
I drop everything onto the dresser and quickly remove my coat, letting
it fall to the floor. I whisk off my shoes, and I change into my night
clothes. After quickly brushing my teeth, I lay down. I set the alarm and
turn off the light. Sleep evades me for an hour. In this hour, I continue
thinking about what has happened. However, I am still unable to come up
with any answers.
To Be Continued....