Date: Wed, 06 Feb 2002 17:54:15 +0000 From: Daniel M <jellybeanking@hotmail.com> Subject: Hearts of Ash - Celebrity - boy-bands DISCLAIMER: If you are under 18 (or 21 depending on local laws) please discontinue to read. If you are offended by male/male concepts that are not always Disney Channel rated, pleaase refrain from continuing to read this. I am of no knowledge as to Nsync's true sexuality or am in any way affiliated with JIVE/ZOMBA records. AUTHOR's WORDS: After the *ahem* demise of JC Dreams, so many people asked me to keep writing and so I shall. Well, here's the start of another series, about JC. It's going to be, again, dedicated to Brendon... I guess that's because I got all his Nsync stuff delivered to me yesterday... his parents didn't want them. Bonus? FEEDBACK: jellybeanking@hotmail.com AUTHOR THANKS: Nifty... all I can thank at the moment - no one else has written in on this one... though I should thank the readers who have followed me across. Of course, I can't go without thanking my twin for all his help, love and companionship over the voyage of the net. Evan, I don't know what to say, a friend until the last. DEDICATION: This series is dedicated to Brendon Alexander James. 10 - January 1980 to 20 - August - 2000. Eternal rest grant unto him Lord and may perpetual light shine upon him, may he rest in peace. Amen. Ash Hearts 01 by SunChild Rob's hand feebly reached out to caress Asher's face. Asher felt tears slipping down over his face as Rob stroked his cheek. The hospital walls felt so cold and unforgiving at that moment. "It's okay Asher, it's time for me to go." "No, please no... I don't want to lose you." "Someone else will come along, they always do." "They won't be you though." "Hearts are made to heal Ash. We'll see each other again someday." "That day is a long way off..." Asher was about to say more about that when there was a commotion outside and a group of five guys came in. "Surprise... Heather?" They shouted though quickly faded as Asher looked up at them, tears streaking his face. Rob looked over at them and smiled faintly. "Sorry, I'm not Heather." A tall brunette steped forwards, taking his sunglasses off. "I'm sorry, we didn't mean to disturb you. We thought my sister was in here." "No, sorry. What room are you looking for?" "852." "What's she in for?" "Broken leg." "Wrong floor. This is the cancer ward." Asher said finally speaking, his tears still apparent on his cheeks. "I'm so sorry about that." The brunette said as he and his friends started to back out of the room. "That's fine. Tell you sister get well for me." Smiled Rob. The brunette nodded and backed out of the door offering one last apology. Asher looked back at Rob, tears starting to build again. "How can you be dying? You're not even 23 yet. It's too young." Asher pleaded. Rob just shook his head. "Death holds no respect for age. Please Ash, just accept it." Asher looked down and away then back at Rob. "Ok fine, but don't expect me to like it." Rob nodded. "It's more than I thought you would." He admitted. Asher leant over and kissed Rob on the forehead. Outside the guys who had just burst in all looked at each other, feeling a little embaressed. "Good going JC, that was a doozy of a fuck up. We just walked in on a guy dying infront of his boyfriend." "Well, I thought that was Heather's room." JC said sheepishly. "Did you see how young he was, he can't be much older than me and he's dying of cancer." Justin said, realising how thin life is. The guys nodded, all feeling their own mortality. "Come on, let's go find Heather." Lance finally said. As they walked away, JC couldn't help but remember, the beautiful, sad brown eyes of the guy who had been sitting beside the guy's bed. Asher watched Rob grow frailer before his eyes. Rob opened his eyes. "Ash, I know my time is near. I want you to know that I love you." "I already know Rob. I love you too baby." Asher took Rob's hand in his own feeling it grow weak. Reaching out with his other hand, he hit the emergency button. Nurses swarmed into the room and he heard Rob's last breath rattle out as he slowly walked out of the room. Asher wandered down and outside where he sat down and put his head in his hands. The guys had finished visiting Heather and were on their way out when JC spotted a lone figure sitting over on a park bench with his head in his hands. As they drew closer, JC realised it was the young guy who had been up on the cancer ward with his boyfriend. He looked over at the guys. "Be with you in a few." The others looked at him as he headed over to the lone figure. "Hi." JC said, ducking his head slightly as he spoke. Asher looked up and recognised JC as one of the guys who had gone into Rob's ward by mistake. "Hey." He replied softly and looked back down to the ground. "You looked a little alone sitting over here by yourself." "Uh, yeah, I guess I did." Asher replied not knowing what to say. "Want some company?" JC asked. "You'd sit with a complete stranger, not knowing them, and most likely learn nothing and hear nothing?" "Yeah, I guess I would. Sometimes, just knowing you have company can make you feel a little happier and less alone." JC offered. Asher nodded and JC sat down next to him. Asher offered his hand. "I'm Asher by the way." "Hi, I'm Joshua, or Josh." JC said taking the hand and shaking it. "Nice to meet you Josh." Asher smiled, for the first time that day. They sat there in silence for a while. "How's the guy you were up visiting before?" Asher opened his mouth but no sound came out, instead tears trickled down over his cheeks. JC put his arm around Asher's shoulder. Asher leant into JC and let his tears fall harder and faster. JC sat there, his arm around Asher, not knowing any other way to comfort him. Eventually, Asher's tears subsided. He realised that he had just cried into the chest of a near complete stranger. He leant back "Josh, I am so sorry. I've just met you and I've cried all over you." He said, sniffling and wiping his eyes at the same time. JC shrugged. "I wouldn't worry about it. It doesn't bother me." "It bothers me though. I'm really sorry, I'm not usually like that." Asher told him. JC shrugged again. "Make you feel better if I accept your apology?" Asher half smiled and nodded. "Apology accepted then." JC smiled. "About what I said, I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you, I'm guessing he..." "Died? Yeah he did. I've been preparing for this day for months upon months, but I still wasn't really ready for it." "Who is ready when a loved one dies?" "What makes you say he was a loved one?" "I dunno, maybe the fact that when we came into the room he was caressing your face, you had his hand and you were in tears." JC tried to make light of it. Asher only turned red and looked upset. "Yeah, I hadn't thought of that." JC shrugged. "It's life. Look, why don't you get your stuff, you can come out with me and the guys to dinner tonight and take your mind off things?" JC offered. "I don't think I'd be real good company tonight, thanks though." Asher refused politely. "I don't think you'd be best off alone tonight." "Why?" Asher asked, feeling his anger rise. "You've just lost your boyfriend and if you're alone, tonight of all nights, you're just as likely to do something foolish." "Josh, to be frank, I'm 23, I'm a social worker, my boyfriend just died... I'm not in the mood for company of strangers." "Well, let us be friends and not strangers." Countered JC. "I'd rather not be surrounded by a group of people." Asher tried again. "Fine, just me." JC argued. "Why are you so desperate for my company?" "Because, I think you need it." "Well, don't think for me." Asher threw back standing. "That and you seem like a nice guy, the type of guy I'd like for a friend." JC finised. Asher looked down at JC. "Why? Why me? What have I got that's so great? What do you want from me?" "You're one of the few people who treat me like a person." JC admitted quietly. "Why? Who are you Josh?" JC looked at Asher in disbelief. "You mean you don't know who I am?" Asher shook his head. "Nope, sorry to ruin the ego trip." "Ever heard of the band Nsync?" JC asked. Asher thought for a moment then it clicked. Josh, Joshua... JC Chasez, Nsync forntman. "Oh, yeah sorry. Didn't recognise you." "Forget I'm JC... you've met me as Josh. As Josh, I would like to get to know you, that's why I'm asking you to come out with us tonight." "That's nice Josh, but how do you know I'm not some psychotic fan?" "You just said you didn't recognise me." "True." "Please Asher, come out tonight." JC begged. "Alright... one condition." "What's the condition?" JC asked curious. "You answer one question, it goes no further than me, and nothing gets said to the others." "Fine, done... ask away." JC Replied. "Okay, are the rumours Nsync's gay true... and answer honestly." Asher asked. JC sat there for a moment then replied. "The rumours Nsync's gay... Well, one of us is. Remember, you promised no one else, not even the guys." "You're not out to the guys?" Asher asked. JC shook his head. "How'd you know it was me?" "I didn't, I just took a pot shot." Smiled Asher shyly. "Well, to answer your question... I didn't think it was ever the right time." He told Asher. Asher nodded then shrugged. "Cool, well I guess I'll be coming out with you tonight. Just don't try and take advantage of me." JC grinned back. "I don't believe in one night stands, using or abusing people. All big no no in my book." Asher nodded. "We'll get along fine. I've got to go and see the nursing staff and see if they have forms for me and get my stuff." Asher reached into his pocket. "Here's my cell phone number, call me about five." With that Asher smiled and left, leaving JC sitting there. JC made his way back to where the guys were waiting for him. "So who was that?" Asked Lance. "You know that guy we burst in on?" Asked JC. The others all nodded. "That was him. His boyfriend just died and he's coming to dinner with us tonight." Joey looked at JC doubtfully. "Are you sure that's wise? I mean, he could be some crazed fan." "Relax, he didn't ever recognise us." JC assured them. "I take it he knows who we are now though." Justin said sitting back in his seat. JC nodded. "He does. Now be nice to him, he's had a hard day. Let's motor I've got to call him about five." With that, they all climbed into their mini-van and drove off. Asher walked inside the hospital and went to the ward Rob was on. Correction, had been on. All the memories of the last months he had spent with Rob floated around the ward. Asher wondered briefly if he was doing Rob a dis-service by not mourning for him that night. He guessed Rob would probably like to know he was out in good company and safe. Then again, Rob had asked that Asher never forgot him. It was a complex train of thought for Asher and quickly got lost in it. He was still standing there when a nurse came up to him. "Ash, we need you to sign some forms for us please." Asher snapped out of his trance and looked at the nurse. "Sure Lynda, lead the way." Asher spoke with a confidence and false bravado that showed none of what he really felt inside. Inside, there was a gaping big hole that couldn't be filled by any material object. Rob had not just died, with him he had taken a large part of Asher's heart. There was something inside that just ate away at him. It hurt all the same, Asher's pride though, wouldn't let it show. After signing the forms that Lynda laid out for him, Asher made his way to Rob's old room. Rob's corpse had already been removed. Asher couldn't even bring himself to think of it as a body. A body had feeling, life and intelligence. A cropse was just what had once contained a soul and thought. All of that had left when Rob had died. Hopefully, Rob was now no longer suffering and alive and well. Able to live without the torment and pain of cancer ravaging his body anymore. Walking out of the ward, Asher felt as though a burden was lifted from his shoulders, and instantly felt guilt for his sense of freedom. Did he really see Rob as a burden? Surely not. He loved Rob unconditionally. Surely, that love stopped all burdens. Still, he felt free and guilty at the same time. Also, he felt a twinge of excitement. He was going to dinner with one of the biggest boy bands in today's music world... surely that must amount to something. Surely ... but who was he trying to convince... the world or himself. --- Well JC Dreams is over but hearts of ash is here. Hope you liked the first part... let me know -= jellybeanking@hotmail.com =- Love, SC.