Date: Mon, 21 Jan 2002 14:10:22 -0500
From: luvjc no1fan <n_luvjc@hotmail.com>
Subject: Heartstrings / Chapter Nine

It's been ages... but I'm finally posting Chapter Nine...


Hello all... life has just been crazy beyond words of late... if any of you
are ever considering getting your doctorate... don't!  it will consume your
life...  but if any of you would like to check out my dissertation
research... or participate by answering a survey (please, pretty please)...
you can check this out here: www.geocities.com/tylerdissertation

This is my first story so I love getting feedback on what people
like/dislike about the story so far.  My name is Richard and my email is
n_luvjc@hotmail.com.  I will repeat the info at the end of the story for
your comments, etc.

The title of this story reflects that it is a love story and since it
revolves around the guys from 'N Sync, I combined 'Tearing up my Heart' with
'No Strings
Attached'.  As a FYI, I am writhing this story I most enjoy stories - good
characters, good story and good sex.  I will switch around the focus of the
story giving each character a chance to develop.  They will all have their
secrets that will unfold as the story goes along, but then again don't we
all have our little secrets.  But I can assure you that they won't all have
the same secret.


As for the formalities: This story is not intended to imply anything about
the sexual orientation of the members of 'N SYNC. This story is fiction and
meant for amusement only.  If you shouldn't be reading this because of your
age, where you live, etc. don't. If you are offended by male-male
relationships/sex then this isn't the story for you.




Rain has begun to fall as the German made car races through the night.  The
windshield wipers on the car race back and forth but have little effect on
the tears that fill Justin's eyes.  The streetlights blur as he speeds past.
  His fate is up to providence at this point for Justin's eyes focus not on
the road but on the images that flash in his mind.  Every corner of his mind
is filled with thoughts and images of the night... meeting Nick at the
meeting... seeing Josh with Lance... the countless men that used him for
their pleasure...  This last thought made Justin snap back into reality for
he became aware again of how much his ass hurt... He was hoping that what he
felt seeping out into his boxers was just the semen that had been deposited
by at least 10 different men... he didn't think that anything had torn, but
he couldn't be sure that he wasn't bleeding either...

"DAMN!!!" Justin screams into the night.  'It's not like I was a virgin' he
thinks to himself.  'That bastard took care of that years ago.'  But even in
the most depraved experiences of his past, what Nick subjected him to at
that bar makes Justin feel more used... more just a piece of flesh... than
he has ever felt before.

His instincts guide the car around a stopped car and Justin realizes that he
is back at the hotel.  The rain has not stopped, yet Justin does not feel
the cold water drops on his skin as he gets out of his car.  In a heartbeat
he is soaked to the skin, but he still makes no efforts to move toward the
door of the hotel.  As a brilliant flash of lightning and boom of thunder
are seen, heard and felt simultaneously, Justin sinks to his knees and sobs.
  His mind, his spirit and his very soul feel like they have splintered into
shards.

"How come no body loves me? Or sees me?" He quietly asks the heavens.
"Thousands of people say they love me... thousands think that they know
me... no one really does... people want my image, my money, my fame, my
ass...  no one really wants me...  I can't help it... if feel so scared,
lonely and weird when thousands of people know what I like to eat for
breakfast when I haven't even met them before.  None of these people have
taken the time or maybe had the opportunity to get to know me... what I
think, what I feel, what believe, what I want...  no one has ever shown that
they care about that... no one..."

"except josh," he whispers.

Justin buries his head in his hands and tastes the salty wet pools of water
that have collected there.  "Why now Josh?" he pleads.  "why did you choose
now to abandon me?  You could be my lover not just my brother... you can
heal me... you can make me whole..."

Justin moves with the grace of a cat as he springs to his feet and races
into the hotel...  The elevator would take an eternity that he cannot afford
so he runs up the flights of stairs until he reaches the floor that he
shares with his bandmates.  Justin begins to tear off his clothes as he
races for Josh's door.  The only thing that he can focus on is the utter
certainty that JC... that Josh is the only person that can save him... His
touch can make me whole again...

Justin is naked by the time he slips quietly into Josh's room... He scowls
as he sees Lances naked torso resting quietly in JC's arms.  He takes three
steps toward the bed determined that he is going to make Josh his own before
he falters.  The quiet serene look on Lance's face robs him of his
determination...  Justin realizes in a flash that he has never seen Scoop
look that content before.  He now turns his gaze on his intended love...
Josh is sleeping with a smile on his face.  Not just a small smile, but the
broad grin of a man who is truly happy.

Never in a million years would he do anything that ruins that happiness he
realizes.  Sheepishly he turns and sneaks back into the hall...  He gathers
his clothes and runs into his room.  'What was I thinking?' he cries to
himself.  'What was I going to do?  Force myself on him?'

"That was by far the dumbest thing that I have ever done," he announces.
Justin throws his clothes into a soggy pile on the floor and steps into the
bathroom.  The shower responds quickly to his ministrations and he is soon
enveloped in the steamy moist embrace of its steady stream of soothing
water.   Tears flow from his eyes again as freely as the drops from the
shower.  He has the water as hot as he can stand.  He is intent on scalding
the touch of others from his flesh.  His mind becomes intent on repair.

His shoulders tense as the realization of what he needs becomes clear to
him.  "I will not be alone!" he announces.  "If people only see me as a toy
than a toy I will be.  If they see only my flesh, then flesh I will be.
They can use me, abuse me, but I will not be alone."

Justin is entirely unaware of the shadow that now shrouds his eyes.  The
Carolina blue sky has turned stormy.  His face has changed too.  The playful
innocence is gone to be replaced by the ready glib smile of a salesman.
Justin is also unaware that he had begun to insert first two and now three
of his soapy fingers into his ass.  His hand begins to thrust in an
increasing rhythm.  His body moves of his own will and his other hand grasps
the shaft of his now erect penis.  He conjures up the image of the meanest
of the fucks that he had earlier and screams "come on stud! Is that the best
you can do... fuck me!"  Three fingers bury themselves to the fist in
Justin's abused ass as he convulses to the ropes of thick sperm erupting
from his cock.

He silently dries himself and eases into his bed and his last conscious
thought is to drag his right hand up his naked smooth torso causing his
flesh to respond with chilled goose-bumps... he searches out his left nipple
and pinches it hard... so hard he winces...  he cries out "Ow!" then smiles
serenely as sleep overtakes his worn out body........  and spirit.

======================================================

His long legs begin to rustle under the sheets.  His brow is furrowed and
the tension evident on his lean face seems to worsen with each heartbeat.
In one fluid motion, his naked form bolts upright and his eyes spring open.

"Lance," he gasps.  "Come back."  Josh's eyes are wild as he searches for
the form of his love.  He pulls the covers completely off the bed and begins
to feel his pulse and breath quicken.  He had hoped he may have been
dreaming, but now his nightmare appears to have become reality.  Lance is
nowhere to be seen.

Josh rushes from his bed into the bathroom and still no Lance.  He grabs for
the doorknob with the plan of heading to Lance's room when he sees the small
still form in the window.  He steps closer and sees Lance with a blanket
pulled around his shoulders and his eyes fixed on a point in the distance.
Josh rushes toward him and then stops and slowly lowers himself onto the
window seat next to Lance.  His long fingers shake as he reaches for his
lover.  Lance's skin is an unusual combination of ice cold and clammy.

"Babe," Josh whispers.  "Lance, honey... are you alright?"

Seconds pass and Lance has still not moved.  Josh is sure that he has also
not blinked.  In desperation he grabs Lance by the shoulders and shakes him
briefly.  "Lance," he cries "talk to me.  Are you alright?"

Finally, Lance slowly closes his eyes and turns away from the window.  He
blinks several times and finally focuses on the concerned face of his
boyfriend.  "Josh, what is it?  You look so worried."

"Of course I'm worried babe.  I wake up and you're not there and then when I
look for you, you are staring out of the window like a zombie.  It really
scared me."

"I'm sorry babe." Lance replies quietly.  "I was thinking about stuff and I
guess I got lost in thought."

"Anything you want to talk about?"

"I called my mom earlier when you were taking a shower.  It was so hard to
have so much going on in my life and not be able to share it with her.  I
have never been so happy Josh.  Finding you... finding us is truly the best
thing that has ever happened.  I want to share the joy I am feeling, but
everywhere I turn some part of society is telling me that my joy is wrong.
It is only when I am swimming in your eyes that I feel alright."

"Is that enough?"  Josh asks with his voice barely a whisper.

"I am not sure," Lance sobs avoiding Josh's eyes.  "That's just it.  There
are so many new things that I am feeling you help me a lot by listening but
sometimes you are what I am trying to figure out.  Who can I turn to and ask
questions?  My mom?  My pastor?  Do you know how alone I feel at a time I
should feel the exact opposite."

Lance's tears flow freely now, and Josh takes him in his arms.  He gently
wipes his boyfriend's tears with his fingertips.  "Baby, you seem so small
and lonely.  If only I could wipe that away as easily as your tears."

Lance quietly cries for a few more seconds and pulls away slightly and
earnestly looks into Josh's eyes and pleads, "How do you handle it?"

Josh smiles at the thought that he has all the answers.  "Babe a lot of this
is new to me to you know, but there are some things that I have learned.
Your Baptist minister is not one you can turn to with this right?  Well,
neither was my priest.  I had to look elsewhere."

"Where?" came an almost inaudible whisper.

"Actually, a counselor.  I saw a couple of great counselors.  One was even
gay himself.  It really helped me to start liking me and to stop being so
confused.  For me, the hardest part was loving myself.  I got messages very
early on that I was not worthy of love or that all I had to offer was my
ass.  Counseling helped me with that."

Lance pulls Josh into a tight embrace.  "It's so hard for me to hear you say
that.  I look at you and am filled with awe.  You are so... together...  I
can't imagine you were ever as lonely as confused as you said."

"I learned my lessons well.  The lessons society taught me.  I couldn't
trust anything or anyone because I had this shameful secret.  I learned to
only count on myself, to ask for nothing, to take care of all of my own
needs and most of all...  don't let anyone close enough to do any real
damage."

Josh watches as his boyfriend reels back from his words as if he has been
struck.  He continues, "Even now, as much as I know I love you, I am scared
to let you too close."

"Is that why you stopped me earlier?"

"Yes," Josh blushes as he answers.  "See, with other guys I have been with
it meant nothing.  At first, I tried to tell myself that sex was intimacy.
Then after the millionth time my heart was broken, I told myself that sex
was just fun and love was unattainable."

Josh takes Lance's face in his hands and looks deeply into his beautiful
green eyes.  "That is... until I met this awkward kid from Mississippi."

The two young men embrace and hold each other for a long time.  Josh
realizes after a few moments that Lance is quietly crying, and he begins to
stroke his back softly.  Finally Lance says, "I don't want to burn in hell."

The words were so quiet that Josh can barely hear them, but he can
definitely feel the pain in them.  "Baby, that is a question that I did not
have as much trouble with.  The church was more social to me growing up.  My
spiritual center was my family."

"That's just it!" Lance interrupts animatedly.  "My family and church are
one.  And they will both reject me."

"Lance, if you want to talk to a counselor, I'll help you find one; but it
also sounds like you need to talk to a man of God."

"I CAN"T!" Lance shrieks.

"There are churches that welcome gay people.  I'm not saying that you have
to leave your church...  just that you may want to discuss your faith with
someone who won't judge you."

Josh's words soothe Lance in a way he could believe possible.  His
boyfriend's caring, sincere words demonstrate his love and his good sense.
Lance's breathing slows to a normal pace as he hears the logic in Josh's
suggestion.  He resolves to follow the advice and find someone to talk to.
But, just as this fear is eased, Josh's earlier confession weighs heavily on
his mind.  Lance becomes concerned that he will never be everything to Josh
that Josh is to him.

"I need to know that you are going to let me be there for you as much as you
are for me," Lance states firmly.

Josh sees the conviction in Lance's face and the feeling behind his words.
"I promise baby, and anytime you see me not letting you in, kick me in my
ass okay?"

Lance playfully grabs Josh's ass with both hands and giggles "you'd probably
like that wouldn't you?"

"Scoop, you devil you!  I had no idea that I was confessing my love to a
pervert!"

"A real turn on isn't it?" Lance says suggestively.

"You have no idea how much babe.  No idea."

The two succumb to their hormones and begin to kiss eagerly.  Since they are
already almost naked with the exception of their underwear, there are no
pesky clothes to get in the way of roaming hands.  Their breathing
intensifies and a sheen of perspiration glows from their skin.  Finally,
they both pause to take a breath and Josh gets up and walks to the bed.  He
sits on the edge and smiles at his love.  "Want me to share some stuff with
you?"

"Always and anything my love," Lance replies.

Josh smiles at the casual affection that seems to know no limits.  It seems
like he and Lance have loved each other for eons not merely hours...  He
takes a deep breath... and then another...  This is not going to be that
easy he says to himself.  I have only had to depend on myself for so long...
taking care of others is what I do... 'How come I am so scared at the
thought of letting go of some of that... of allowing Lance to be there for
me... to share my fears with him?'  His brown hair waves as he shakes his
head to clear it.  'I know the answer, I have always known... the scary part
of letting people in is that if they are in your heart... that is when they
can hurt you... if you keep everyone dependent on yourself and no one that
you have to depend on then you can never be truly wounded...'

Lance reaches out to touch the face of the man he loves... he has always
loved... maybe in other lifetimes too... 'Thank you God for leading me to
this wonderful man', Lance looks skyward as he thinks this and immediately
regrets it... the God question is one that I am not too sure of right now...
  the love question, I have no doubts about.

Josh's mind is still swirling in doubt when his thoughts are broken by the
sound of his lover's voice.  "Babe," Lance says, "I know it can't be easy
letting your guard down after having it up for so long, so I won't pressure
you... just know that I am here... I am also not going anywhere... no matter
what happens in the world or with us, I am not going anywhere... I love
you... I would never use that love to hurt you... I can't force you to let
down the armour on your heart, but I can promise to never cause you harm."

Lance's words are like a healing balm to Josh's worried soul.  "How can you
know me so well my sweet man," he begins, "Are you really a magician in
disguise?  How can you know exactly what to say and how to be without
reading my thoughts through sorcery?"

Lance smiles a broad smile and takes the now trembling form of his love in
his arms...  They hold tightly to each other for a long time.  Lance turns
his head so that his lips are right at Josh's ear and whispers "Our love is
the only magic that I will ever need..."

Josh can literally feel his walls begin to crumble... just a little
though... 'it took years to erect those walls,' he thinks to himself 'it
will take awhile for them to come completely down'.  Josh then catches
himself.  'Stop keeping everything to yourself,' he reprimands.  He smiles
and then says outloud what he had just finished saying to himself.

"Thank you for sharing that baby," Lance purrs. "And you take all the time
you need."

"What I need right now is to lean on you a bit.  I am really worried about
Justin and I don't exactly know what to do about it."

Lance is immediately focused on his love.  "Babe, that isn't exactly what I
was thinking may be bothering you; but yes, please tell me what has you
worried."

"What did you think I was worried about?"

"It doesn't matter right now... we can talk about it later... now tell me
about Justin."

"Ok... I may have to take it slow to get it all out there right though...
and it's hard to begin because part of this I promised to keep to myself."

"If you need to honour that promise that is fine dear, but I can return the
promise and say that anything you tell me will stay just between you and
me."

"Thanks babe... that helps.  Ok... here goes: Justin's gay."

Lance had been trying to portray himself as the consummate listener.
Someone Josh could trust... someone he could rely on... someone he could
love... but this news surprised him and he lost some of this composure "oh
my God!  Really???  How do you know?  How long have you known?  Have you two
ever...?" Lance blurts out the string of questions before he can stop
himself.  He blushes as he regains his composure.  "Josh, I'm sorry...
please ignore those questions, I got kinda excited.'

Josh smiled.  "It's okay babe, I know that it's kind of big news... I would
have reacted the same way.  To answer them: he told me, today, and no...
well not quite."

Lance's brow furrows at the last response.  Josh sees this and soothes "let
me explain."

Josh goes on to tell Lance everything that happened in the Chapel and what
they had talked about.  He tells how he had been very tempted to be with
Justin in that way, but realized that not only did he not think of Justin in
that way, but that his heart truly belonged to another.  "He looked so hurt
Lance.  Like I had crushed him or something.  Oh god, I never want to see
that look of hurt in anyone's eyes again."  Josh's jaw trembles and tears
flow from the corner of his eyes.  His heart leaps when Lance pulls him into
his arms and strokes his hair and whispers "I love you."

"See the problem is I know how lonely he is right now.  I know how much he
feels like he's the only one.  And I do love him.  I love him like I do
Tyler.  He is my brother, maybe not by blood, but certainly by love.  So
just like I wouldn't have sex with Tyler, I wouldn't have sex with Justin."

"It certainly is your day for turning down sex with band mates." Lance
smiles.

"Trust me, both took a huge amount of willpower... though Justin did get a
little farther than you did... wonder if that means he's cuter?" Josh is
very grateful to his love for lightening the mood and making his joke.  He
is also grateful that his love has a slow right hook.  Josh deftly dodges
the blow and the two lock together and wrestle around the room, finally to
collapse on the bed.

Lance says "well, he may be cuter, but I must be more tenacious because I'm
the one that has you naked in bed!"

Josh opens his mouth to say "I'm not naked" when Lance quickly yanks Josh's
boxers off and makes it so those words are no longer true.  Lance is somehow
naked too now and the two start thrashing about on the bed wrestling,
kissing, and groping.  "Just how far did Curly get?" Lance purrs lewdly.

Josh's grip on his self control is slipping fast.  His member is harder than
it ever has been and seeing Lance naked for the first time in this way has
him very turned on... not to mention the fact that Lance's cock is huge!
His mouth waters looking at it.  Josh's blue eyes gleam as he says
seductively "he got a little lower.'

Lance grabs Josh's hard cock in his hand and strokes it twice.  "Then I
guess he is not as pure and as chaste as me."  Lance lets go and jumps from
the bed and slips back on his boxers and flops in a chair.  Josh is left
flat on his back on the bed, naked and hard and horny.

"Prick tease!," he grins.

"I believe you're the one that 'wants to wait'" Lance gests back.

"Sure!  Use my own words against me."

Lance smiles broadly.  "Actually babe, I am trying to remember those words
so that I can respect your wishes.  You were trying to share with me and I
did exactly what you said others always had... I went for your body...  now
believe me, it is the best looking thing I have ever seen in my life and
though I have never had sex... I can think of 3,812 things that I want to do
with and to you right now... but I know what I want most in the world is to
be there for you when you need me... please talk to more about Curly."

Josh cannot help but tear up again and Lance's words.  He smiles weakly and
says "Only 3,812?"

"That's just for starters," Lance says, relieved that Josh doesn't appear to
be angry with him.

"I'll hold you to that."

"It's a promise I intend to keep."

"As opposed to all those other promised you were just lying about?" Josh
laughed as he aimed a pillow at his lovers head and launched it across the
room.

"Shut up," Lance says dodging the missile.

"Fine, first you tell me to spill my guts, then you tell me to shut up.
Make up your mind blondie!"

"Fortunately for you, my heart is what I am listening too right now... my
head seems to be occupied by too many hormones for all I can think about is
lewd disgusting acts of fornication and debauchery."

Josh smiles and stands up still naked and fully exposed.  His body has a
glow about him from the slight perspiration formed during the wrestling.
His dark hair blends with the shadows around him but his skins shines palely
in the moon's glow.  His penis is still hard and points directly away from
his body.  He holds his arms out from his sides and brings them to his
chest.  He lightly strokes his abdomen and uses his left hand to encircle
his right nipple.  The nipple is already erect, but the sensation causes him
to shiver.  He takes one step... then two... and now his only mere inches
from Lance's chair.  He stops and slowly turns.  His round firm ass is now
pointed directly at Lance and thought Josh can't see his face, he knows
Lance is drooling.  Josh bends at the waist and spreads his legs.  His pink
rosebud emerges from the two mounds of asscheek and winks at Lance.  Josh
reaches out, picks up his boxers and then slowly straightens back up.  He
turns around ever so slowly and then when facing Lance again moves in
closer.  There is a shiny pearl glistening from the end of his cock as he
brings it inches from Lances mouth.  Lance's lips part and his mouth begins
to open.  His eyes reveal the lust that is overtaking his body.  Josh
reaches and strokes his lovers hair, sliding both hands behind Lance's head.
  He pulls Lance closer to him and touches the tip of his penis to Lance's
lips.  Lance's tongue darts out and cleans the penis from drop of pre-cum
forming.  Josh tightens his grip and then in one swift move jumps backwards
slipping on his underwear and running in the bathroom.  "Now, who's the
prick tease?" he calls as he shuts the door.

Lance is struck dumb with hormones.  He remains motionless and open-mouthed.
  Finally, he shakes his head and calls after his sadistic lover "you
bastard!"

Lance collapses onto the bed and begins to laugh.  His life with Josh is
bound to be full of jokes and laughter he thinks to himself.  He lifts his
head as he hears the toilet flush and the door to the bathroom open.  Josh
sticks his arm out and waves a white washcloth in the air.  "Does this mean
that you surrender to my will?" Lance coos.

"Actually, it's so you can clean yourself up, stud." Josh says pointing at
Lance.

Lance is puzzled as he follows Josh's gaze and gesture.  Then he realizes
what Josh means.  The front of his boxers are soaked.  Lance blushes so
deeply that it looks like he has suddenly developed an allover tan.  He
quietly takes the washcloth from Josh and begins to wipe himself clean.  "I
am so embarrassed" he says quietly.

Josh lifts his chin, "Don't be babe.  We'll have plenty more orgasms
together I promise.  Besides, why do think I ran to the bathroom?  Barely
made it to the toilet before I blew.  I have never been so excited at the
prospect of making love with someone that I have reached orgasm that quickly
or without touching myself."

Lance grins sheepishly "Does this mean that I am no longer a virgin?"

"Not sure babe," Josh smiles back.  "But you're off to a good start."

The two lovers hold each other and kiss for what seems like hours.  Finally
they lie back down in bed and hold hands as they pull the covers over
themselves.

"Babe," Lance begins, "You said you were worried about Justin.  Please tell
me more about what has you worried."

Josh stares at the ceiling and pauses for a second to think.  "I want to be
there for him, you know, so he doesn't feel so alone... but if he thinks
that he's in love with me, I also don't want to lead him on.  I could be
doing more harm than good.  I am also worried that he might go 'looking for
love in all the wrong places, looking for love in too many faces'." Josh's
voice twangs the last part as he lapses into song.

Lance squeezes Josh's hand a little and says "be patient, be kind, be
persistent... and I will as well.  You can feel free to tell him about me
too, about us if you want... and then IF he shares with me that he is gay, I
can support him too... but what I won't do is come up to him and say 'Josh
tells me you like dick'."

Josh laughs despite himself.  "No, I don't think that would go over very
well.  That also brings up the subject of telling the guys again.  I think I
would still like to keep it as much to ourselves as we can for awhile...
let's get to know each other as a couple before we have to share it with the
others..."

Lance leans up on his elbow and smiles down at Josh.  "I am going on record
that I want you.  'I want you so bad it's driving me mad, it's driving me
mad'." It's Lance's turn to sing.  "I want to have sex with you so badly
that my teeth hurt, but I also respect that you want to take some time, that
you need some time.  In one month, on 9/9/99 we have a show at the MTV
awards.  Let's skip out early on the party afterwards and celebrate our
anniversary.  I'm not saying that we HAVE to make love that night, but if it
happens it happens... if it doesn't happen, well let's just say that I won't
be using any hot water when I take my shower the next day... but this way
there will be no expectations until then..."

Josh squeezes his lover's hand.  "Sounds good to me sweetie."

The relax back and begin to drift off to sleep when suddenly Lance sits bolt
upright in bed and shouts "JC!"

"What?!?"

"Oh I'm sorry, I mean Josh!" Lance corrects himself, "Yesterday was your
birthday!  I can't believe I forgot it.  I can't believe we all forgot it.
I am so sorry baby"

"Babe, I forgot it too.  With you collapsing, the scene at the hospital, me
running away, me almost dying. It kinda slipped my mind.  But I do know one
thing for certain.  I got the greatest give I have ever received in my life
when you said 'I love you' to me."

Lance's eyes shed tears as they melt into each other.  They kiss and hug and
caress each other's backs.  Finally, Josh pulls back and says "You know what
else?"

Lance shakes his head.  Josh grins and grabs Lance's ass "with this hot sexy
piece of ass around, it's going to be a long month."

Lance giggles and grinds his pelvis into Josh's.  Josh grabs Lance's now
hard member through his boxers and says "and... with the size of this...
it's going to be one long hard throbbing night when we do make love..."

Lance groans with pleasure at being touched by Josh.  "Count on it babe!
But if you touch me again, I'm going to need another wash cloth!"

"Don't worry about masturbating sweetie.  It's normal.  Let's just keep
everything else a surprise until our special evening on 9-9-99."

They seal their deal with a kiss and drift off to sleep.

=================================================================


The weeks after Lance's collapse and Josh's revelation go by quickly.  Josh
got chewed out from his folks for not calling them back when they had left
him 10 messages on his birthday trying to wish him a happy birthday.  It was
hard but Josh held back and did not tell them about him and Lance.  He
wanted to keep that for just the two of them for now.  But he was thrilled
when he could tell his folks that he had finally told the guys that he was
gay.  His mom was all like 'how'd they take it and are they treating you
ok?' and his dad was a little more serious and asked if he had told Lou or
any of the management.  Josh understood that this was a wise thought, but he
was pissed at the mention of Lou's name.  Lou had been putting pressure on
the group for some time now to do stuff they didn't want to do.  He wouldn't
let them write any of their own music and wouldn't let them choose what to
do... This pissed him off 'Bigtime!'

The tension in the group wasn't just between them and management... there
was a lot of pressure on them to get ready for the big MTV awards show.  The
guys treated JC just the same but seemed a little more distant... and
Justin...

Justin disappeared all the time... he would later come dragging in and when
asked what he had been doing Justin would shrug and say 'just hanging out'
or 'just clearing my head'.

With the tension, came flare ups.  Josh had to walk away from Chris that
morning before this last rehearsal.  Chris had been griping and groaning and
taking pot shots at everyone.  JC had as much as he could stand and just
blew up and screamed at him and stormed off.

Lance came after him and calmed him down.  At least all the tension had not
come between them.  Their love continued to grow and develop.  Their passion
continued to rise and to pant.  They were finding it harder and harder to
keep their hands off each other... but Lance had been very busy with looking
over some contract stuff and Josh had been writing... it helped clear his
head and sooth his ire.

After the blow up with Chris, Lance announced that they needed to have a
meeting that afternoon after the final rehearsal for the MTV awards.  Lance
really seemed very strong to Josh right now.  He has been worried after his
collapse and the press was having a field day.  Josh had read rumours of
everything from eating disorders and drugs to emotional breakdown.  Lou's
response was to keep the band's schedule just as active so that the press
could see that nothing was wrong.  'That Bastard' Josh thought.

The rehearsal went well and it looked hot!  Their show was going to be
amazing.  Now if the band could just hold together.

===================================================================

Lance cleared his throat before getting the meeting going.  "Now, we've had
a rough month and I've been looking over the contracts and have some stuff
I'd like us to discuss and see what you think... is there anything else
anyone needs to talk about?"

Chris nods and says "Sorry for being such a dick earlier.  I was pissed
because Lou had denied me a request.  I mean, we're supposed to be making
shitloads of money right now right?  Well, I wanted to get out that
apartment and get a nice little house...  When I asked Lou how I could go
about getting the money, Lou told me that I didn't have that kind of
money...  The shithead... we make millions for him and I'm still struggling
to pay my bills it ain't right!"

Lance chimes in "That's actually just what I wanted to discuss.  Lou's cut
of our earnings is huge...  we could be the number one group in the nation
for 20 years and Lou would be filthy rich and we'd still be in our little
apartments."

Roars of anger erupt and the group finally calms down and discusses things.
Lance still runs the meeting like he has 20 years of corporate experience
and Josh smiles at him lovingly.  "Okay," Lance begins.  "Then it's agreed
we're going to get new lawyers to look over our contracts and then approach
Lou about negotiating new ones..."

Everyone nods and Lance asks if anyone has any questions.


=====================================================================


Justin had seen the gentle touches and longing looks between Josh and Lance
for weeks.  Of course he was the only one who knew that they were a couple,
and he tried not to let it bother him.  Everytime he felt jealous he would
slip away and hook up with Nick.  Nick fucked like an animal.  He would tear
at Justin and rake his back with his nail as he pounded away.  Nick
continued to let others join in as well.  It seemed like half of Orlando had
shot their loads into Justin by now...  His ass stayed lubed and ready.  He
stopped caring when Lou forced himself on him.  He stopped caring who was in
him and what they did.  He told himself he enjoyed the sex, but the reality
is that he could have cared less... he was hollow... empty...  he didn't
enjoy the sex, he was trying to have something fill the part of himself that
was so lonely... so empty...

Justin hadn't gone to any more meetings nor had he logged on to the
chatroom...  he also hadn't answered any of Tay's messages...  they sat in
the inbox of his email... unopened... unread... and unanswered...

Justin had also pulled away from Josh completely... every time Josh came to
him to try and talk, Justin made an excuse to leave.  It hurt him too much.
Here was the guy that he was supposed to be with, but he couldn't.  For no
matter how much he loved Josh... Lance was his friend too... but sometimes
jealousy won out and he got very pissed...  like today!

"Yeah Scoop, I have a question," Justin began with a sneer, "How long have
you been taking JC's cock up your ass?"



Well that's the end of this chapter...  here's hoping it won't be another
half a year before I get to the next chapter... I've already got it sketched
out so it wouldn't take long to write... but there is that pesky
dissertation to consider...  don't forget to check out:  if you would like
to participate...  it's entirely anonymous if you want to do it...


Now, I normally always like to give a few nods to other stories that I
like... but my writing isn't the only thing I'm behind on...  so here's a
shout out to all the folks that I've been missing because I haven't been in
the chatroom much!