Date: Fri, 15 Dec 2000 00:49:19 EST
From: ZeroDQ@aol.com
Subject: heaven-in-your-eyes-7

Alright . . . I so planned on writing over Thanksgiving . . . but problems
with my computer at home prevented me from doing it :/ Sorry it's taken so
long to update guys, college hit me all at once :( . . . With that said,
here is once again my list of great stories to read on this
site. .. including . . ."Tears in your Eyes", "The Body Switch with Nick
Carter", "Last Halloween", "Intimate Stranger", "Josh and Just", "Changes",
"Twist and Turns", "Open Arms", "Devotion", "Little White Lies", "This I
Promise You", "Porcelain", "Beneath it all", "Dirty Mind Games", "Because I
Love You", "Justin's Secrets", and "Any Path" (And it`s many sequels
<grins>) . . . These are just a few (And I know I am forgetting some great
stories out there . . .);

My big recommendation is "Forgiveness"!!  One of the few stories that have
made me cry in awhile!

Legal Stuff: If you are reading this, then I hope it's because you are A)
Of the right age, and B) Are accepting of other relationship types (That's
one way to put it I guess :). If either of these don't apply, I ask that
you don't continue reading.

Disclaimer: I don't mean to imply that any celebrity involved in the story
is gay in anyway. (But I do have my own speculations about a few . . . I'll
keep those to myself :)

Last time in HIYE:

"I was just . . . wondering about Brian."  Almost immediately Nick realized
that he wasn't ready, wasn't ready to talk about his feelings yet.  Surely
wasn't ready to possibly reveal anything that Brian was attempting to hide.
There'd be other times . . . but Nick was sure this was definitely not it.
"Uh, Brian and Kevin, I haven't seen them since we got on the bus.  "I
think Kevin said something about needing to talk to Brian privately.  I
have no idea `bout what.  Maybe it had something to do with that little
stunt you pulled this morning with Kevin's rental."  AJ had one of his
devilish smirks on and he playfully landed a punch on Nick's shoulder.

Let's hope that's all they're talking about...

				   ~ ~ ~

"Either way, their conversation's gonna be cut short."  AJ leapt up from
his seat, his smirk now spreading across his face into a broad smile.
"Finally, a chance to get some food.  I'm starving and there's nothing in
the so-called kitchen."  His attention had drawn away from his blonde
friend and was now directed to the window behind him.

    Confused, Nick turned and noticed the bus pulling into some variation
of a rest stop.  He rolled his eyes, wishing that he shared AJ's greatest
worry: an empty stomach.

As the bus pulled to a stop, the door leading to the back compartment swung
open, startling the two.  Brian stormed out first, followed only seconds
later by Kevin.  Both were red-faced and Nick knew with a terrible
certainty that it had nothing to do with embarrassment.  As they
approached, Kevin made a grab for Brian`s shoulder, attempting to get his
cousin to face him once more.  "We're not done yet Brian!"

"Yes we are."  As Kevin's hand grazed his arm, missing it's target by only
a few inches, Brian turned and answered with a slight shove.  Already off
balance, Kevin was sent tumbling to the bus floor.  Brian either didn`t
notice or didn`t care.  He pivoted and continued towards the front
compartment, leaving AJ and Nick behind in a state of shock.

    The first to break from his trance was AJ.  Shaking his head, he walked
over to the fallen Backstreet boy and offered out his hand.  "Kevin?"  The
elder teen knocked it away and rose on his own, glaring past AJ to the
curtain Brian had just pushed his way through.

"It's really none of your business Alex."  As the words left his mouth,
Kevin's eyes strayed over to Nick's.  The look went unnoticed by AJ, but
Nick felt a chill run through his body as he quickly looked away.  He
fearfully expected Kevin to open his mouth and begin tearing into him, but
instead he turned and stormed back through the door he'd emerged from.
Nick cringed as it slammed shut, then looked over to AJ.

"I . . . should go check on Brian."  As the words tumbled from his mouth,
Nick did his best attempt to hide the fear behind them.  AJ only offered a
slight nod, while his eyes remained transfixed to the door that Kevin had
only recently escaped through.

    But really, checking on Brian was the last thing Nick wanted to do.
More prevalent in his mind were running and hiding.  Then he could pretend
that this was all perhaps just a really strange dream that he'd awaken from
any minute.  What had happened may not have been AJ's business, but Nick
was realizing that it was most definitely his.  Somehow he'd been involved
in the cousins' dispute, though he'd yet to discover his exact role in the
exchange.  The truth had been evident in the way Kevin had stared at him.
Though Nick had never been one to use cliched expressions, he sincerely
doubted he's still be living if looks did in fact have the power to kill.
Earlier today, when he'd attempted to sort out his feelings, he'd never
even thought Kevin would be playing a part in the scenario.  He already had
a somewhat strained relationship with the "father figure" of the band;
whatever Brian had fought with Kevin about had not helped that dilemma.

Legs shaking, he clutched the bus seats as he moved down the aisle.  When
he finally reached the red curtain the served as the barrier to the front
of the bus, he hesitated.  His hand dangled in mid air, caught between
pulling aside the fabric or retreating to the safety of an upholstery seat
beside its master.  Nick took in a deep breath and tried to reassure
himself.  `You`ve nothing to worry about, it was just about the car.  That
and you know how much Kevin hates to be late.  He was probably just angry
about how we went on a joyride and kept Mr. Pearlman waiting.  I mean,
there is no way he could know about us.'

`Us?' He stopped as the word entered into his mind.  Why was he acting like
there was actually anything going on between him and Brian.  They'd kissed,
what, twice now?  Nick didn't consider himself an expert at these types of
things, but he knew that it didn't constitute for much of a relationship.
It most definitely did not give him the right to start throwing around a
word like "us".  If he was to face reality, he'd kissed members of his
family more times.  `Course, it could hardly be considered the same thing.'
A peck from his mother would never be able to stir the emotions that Nick
had felt when Brian's lips had pressed against his own.  His mind briefly
raced back to the car and the passion that had cursed through his young
body at that moment.  The kiss had felt so right and it had re-opened an
emotion Nick had long ago thought lost - happiness.

    Probably the reason why, as his mind came full circle, Nick was so
fearful of going through that curtain and confronting Brian.  There was a
terrible feeling, more like a gut wrenching pain, warning him that reality
was about to take a swing at his face.  That Loneliness was going to
reappear by his side and once again claim Nick as it's best friend and sole
companion.  He'd only just discovered this happiness and he feared that
fate was about to tauntingly pull it once again from his grasp.

`Will you knock it off?  You can`t work yourself up over nothing.  Besides,
how long have you been standing here, dazing at the curtain?'  His hand
finally moved forward, fingers closing around the blood red curtain.  `Who
knows what AJ's thinking at this point?  Stop acting like a complete moron
and just go make sure Brian's all right.'

				   ~ ~ ~

Howie stepped out of the bus and glanced around the darkened rest stop.
Moments ago, his reading had been interrupted as Brian had stormed from the
bus.  Obviously he was upset, though Howie didn`t have a clue as to why.
When traveling, Howie had taken to purposely wearing headphones in an
attempt to block out the sounds from the other bus compartments.  In
retrospect, his realized suspicions should have kicked in earlier during
the ride.  It was almost unheard of for him to have gone undisturbed for so
long.  Especially when one was trapped in the same bus as AJ McLain.  No
matter how deterred he may have been by the previous day's silent
treatment, AJ would have eventually succumbed to his need for mischief.

Which probably meant AJ had played apart in the events that had unfolded
while Howie had been lost in the world of Hamlet.  Though, on second
thought, it was out of character for AJ to intentionally upset someone.
That and rarely were his pranks directed towards newcomers.  He choose to
pick on friends, people whose reactions he'd seen before and could trust.
Which now left Howie once again with the question: Who or what had upset
Brian?

    As his eyes grew accustomed to the darkness, the outline of a young man
sitting on a bench became more apparent.  There was enough light shining on
his hair and clothing for Howie to verify that it was in fact his band
mate.  He made his way over; hands dug deep into his pockets as he tried to
formulate a plan to handle this situation.  Admittedly, Howie did not know
a great deal about Brian.  Definitely not enough to be predict how Brian
would react during stressful situations.  His only real insight was through
his cousin, Kevin.  If Brian reacted in anyway similar, Howie would be
lucky to escape this situation without getting snapped at first.  `Or', he
thought as a particular sour memory sprung to mind, `a shiny black eye.'

As he closed the gap between them, Howie was able to more clearly make out
his distraught band mate.  Brian's face was buried deep within his palms,
though absent were any visual signs that would indicate he was crying.  It
was more an appearance of someone that was lost in thought, though
obviously perturbed by the issues they were contemplating.

"Brian?"  At the sound of his name, Brian appeared to notice Howie for the
first time.  His face seemed to flush and he was obviously squinting, most
likely in an attempt to obtain Howie's identity.  Howie decided to help him
along.  "It's me Howie.  Are you all right?  You bolted out of the bus
pretty quickly back there."  As he waited for a reply, Howie took in
Brian's features.  Despite the pale light, he could make out the strikingly
painful expression that was embedded on the other teen's face.

    Brian moved his lips, but all that came out was a choked reply.  It was
far from audible, but really that wasn't the point.  Howie had completely
understood the emotion behind the message.  He sat down beside Brian and
reached out, laying his hand gently upon the other teen's shoulder.  Howie
once again took on the role he'd been comfortable with since a child, a
supporter.  The person who was there for another when they had a problem,
the listener whom never attempted to interrupt.  It didn't matter if they
were stranger of friend.

"It's all right, you don't have to say anything."  Howie massaged Brian's
shoulder, trying his best to let the other know that he was there for him.
They weren't the best of friends, but that was a result of Brian being new,
not personal choice.  All relationships had to start somewhere and Howie
realized that this probably would be the building block for the two of
them.

They sat there for a few moments, one's hand resting on the other's
shoulder, before Brian finally broke the silence.  "Ah'm... Ah'm sorry for
interrupting your reading.  Ah know you wanted to finish that book by the
time we got to the next stop."  Brian looked up at Howie, his southern
drawl have grown heavier with the dragging of his spirits.

"Hey, it's no problem man.  The important thing is you tell me what's
wrong."

Brian sighed and looked back at the ground.  "Ah don't think you'd be able
to understand."

"I'm a pretty understanding guy.  I've managed to stay friends with AJ and
you obviously can tell how insane *he* is."  Brian managed to smile at
that, though his gaze didn't return to Howie again.

"Ah... it has a lot to do with my family, Howie.  Ah don't know,
everything's a jumble in my head right now.  When ah finally figure
everything out, ah promise that you'll be the first one I turn to for
help."  He looked back up at Howie, his blue eyes reflecting the pale moon.
"Thank you though, for coming out and checking on me.  Ah don't think you
know how much that means to me."

Howie smiled at that and rose from his spot on the bench.  "We were all new
at one point Brian.  Besides, I know how it can feel to be homesick every
now and then.  Just don't think that you have to deal with anything on your
own, all right?"  Brian offered a nod in response, while his body stayed
rooted to the bench.  "You want to come with me to get something to eat?
They seemed to have forgot to stock the tour bus, so this'll probably be
our only chance to get food before tomorrow."

"No thanks.  Ah think ah just want to stay here for awhile."  Brian looked
up and offered a small smile.  "Thank you anyway, though."

				   ~ ~ ~

As Howie walked towards the rest stop, Nick slowly made his way over to
Brian.  He'd spent the last few minutes hiding behind a tree, refusing to
go over until the other boy had left.  Sure, he felt incredibly stupid and
he'd mentally been chastising himself the entire time.  But fear was a
powerful suppressive and Nick was young enough to be unable to fight it.
Talking to Brian was going to be hard enough, he'd be damned if he was
going to do it in front of someone else.

What to say echoed through his mind, over and over again.  He was at loss
for words and he was desperate not to come off as a babbling idiot.
Finally, something along the lines of a garbled hello stumbled from his
lips.  Immediately Nick's face turned a deep shade of red and he
desperately wished that the darkness would prevent Brian from noticing.

"Nick... I think the two of us need to talk."

				   ~ ~ ~

Yeah, don't kill me :) I am cutting it off there so that I have a definite
place to start next chapter :D And with finals almost through, I can write
a lot more over break (with a working computer when I lug this one home
from college ;)

Send all mail to DQTorpedo :D