Date: Fri, 02 Aug 2002 01:18:57 +0000
From: Lady Misterious <lionessy@hotmail.com>
Subject: i am here for you 11
Brian was twenty two when he got that news. He went with Kevin to
the hospital for a check up and it was when his doctor said they needed
Brian to submit for a heart surgery.
It had been one week now and all his family knew and was concerned
about that. They knew Brian would have the best doctors to operate him, but
sill heart surgery is serious stuff. Kevin also knew and so did Howie and
AJ. Brian hadn't told Nick. He was actually afraid to. He himself knew
things would be alright in the end, but Nick was so sensitive, so close to
him... he didn't know how he would react to these news.
Brian had to be in the hospital till the end of the week. And
today it was Monday. All the boys were insisting for him to tell Nick, and
Kevin even offered to do so, but Brian knew he had to tell him personaly.
Nick was playing with the big basketball inside the living room
while Brian was sat on the sofa, staring at him. Brian was the only one who
didn't bother with Nick playing this game inside the apartment, even
because sometimes he did it too.
"Score!" - Nick yelled happly making Brian smile.
Nick looked at him and smiled too.
"So here comes Nickolas again... and he is about to make the big
final shoot, Oh my God ladies and gentlemen...!"
"Nick, sorry to interrupt your final big shoot." - Brian grinned
and Nick eyed him.
"Yeah, Brian. The world will never forgive you for that." - Nick
joked giggling after.
"Have a sit, man. We need to talk."
"Sure." - Nick sat on the floor and looked at him, letting go of
the ball.
"Well... I don't even know where to start..."
"Why not the begining?" - Nick grinned.
"Yeah, this would be great." - Brian sighed looking for the right
words. - "Nick, do you remember last week when Kevin and I went to the
hospital for a check up?"
"Hm... yes, yes, I do."
"Oh, ok."
"There is nothing wrong with him, is there?"
"No, Kevin is fine. The problem is with me."
"Oh, no. God! What is it Brian?"
'Good, Brian! You just knew how to pick the worst way, didn't
you?' - he thought to himself.
"Nick, do you remember those problems I had when I was a child?
That doctors said I wouldn't be able to make it?"
"Yes... Oh, God..." - Nick's eyes were getting alarmed.
"No, wait! I ain't gonna die!" - Brian said touching his hands. -
"Its just that... oh, well, they found this little problem with my heart
and I'll have to go through surgery."
Nick was quietly staring at Brian.
"You are gonna be ok, right?" - Nick asked softly putting his hand
above Brian's.
"Yes, Nick. Definitely! It shouldn't be big deal... I mean, I'll
have the best people looking for me!"
Nick nodded a little in shock.
"Ok... How, how long do you know that? Do the others know?"
"Er, yes, Nick. They do. Kevin knows coz he went there with me. He
told Howie and AJ. I wanted to tell you myself. Also my family knows."
"Sure, sure... Brian, why didn't you tell me before? I mean, its
been one week you know you'll have to submit this surgery, right?"
"I'm sorry, Nick. I was afraid to tell you. I think... I think I
was already afraid and fearing that if I told you I'd be even more scared
with your reaction. I know I'm gonna make it. I know I'll be ok. I just
didn't want you to worry and I know you would coz you are my friend..."
"Howie and AJ are also your friends!"
"But you are especial. I love you, Nick."
"Aw..." - Nick lifted from the floor and hugged Brian for a long
time. - "I love you too and I know you are gonna be alright."
Brian sighed relieved.
"When... when are you leaving to the hospital?" - Nick asked.
"Thrusday. In the middle of the night. You could pratically say
Friday."
Once again Nick looked him in the eyes. He smiled.
"I'm not scared about this. I know Brian Littrell too well to know
he is a survivor."
Brian smiled widely at him.
"Thank you."
------------------------------------------------------------
This whole week Brian and Nick had slept in different rooms of the
same apartment. This time they were all together in the same place, each
boy with his own bedroom. Right now Brian was only inside Nick's because
they were saying goodbye before he had to leave.
It was Thrusday night at nine o'clock and Brian needed to sleep
early, to be able to wake up in the middle of the night.
They were on Nick's bed in his room. Both boys very quiet. They
didn't know for sure just what to say.
"So... how are you going to the hospital?" - Nick broke the
silence.
"Kevin will take me. He will drive me to the hospital."
"At what time?"
"I'll wake up at four o'clock. It will be very dark and
stuff. I'll have to sleep soon to be able get up. Oh... who cares? How many
sleepless nights have we spent traveling around the clock, huh?" - Brian
smiled.
"Yeah... true that. But still I think you should sleep now. You
need to rest."
They were looking at the sheets and the floor, for some reason
they couldn't stare at each other. Maybe it was the fear this would be the
last time.
"Brian, can you please wake me up before you leave? I wanna say
bye..."
"Oh, no, Nick. I don't wanna wake you up. I won't have the heart
to."
"But Brian, please! I'm asking you to! C'mon, I'm giving you puppy
eyes!" - Nick grinned and so did Brian looking at him.
"No, Nick... I don't wanna wake you up."
"Fine. Then I won't sleep."
"Nick!"
"I'm telling ya, I want to say bye..."
"But I don't. I'm here right now to do that. I don't wanna wake
you up, Nick. Its already being hard enough. Just once is enough to say
goodbye to you. I don't think I can do this twice..." - Brian's voice was
fading as he was crying. - "It hurts doing that."
Nick had been fighting hard all this week not to cry, at least not
in front of Brian, but right now it was just impossible. He pulled Brian
close and they hugged, both boys with heads buried in each other's neck.
"I'm sorry, Nick... Its so hard I didn't want to go..."
"Its ok, Brian..." - Nick could taste his own salty tears. - "You
are gonna be ok, I know that! I... I gotta confess I'm scared as hell..."
The boys grinned a little and Nick went on.
"But I just know you have to be ok. I can't go on without you, you
know that! I need you, Brian..."
"I need you too!" - Brian's voice was suffocated into Nick's neck.
"Brian, promise you won't leave me!" - Nick broke the wall of the
tough- man-being. - "Just promise you won't die, promise you'll be back!"
Brian stopped crying and held Nick's head into his hands.
"I promise you, Nick. I will come back. Fine. Even better. We'll
still be best friends after this weekend. I wanna see your face as soon as
I come to, ok?"
Nick smiled as both guys were caressing each other's face and
hair.
"I'll be there for you. Just like you've always been there for
me."
Brian kissed his forehead before standing up.
"Bye, Frack. See ya soon, buddy."
"Bye, Frick. Luv ya. Always."
"Luv ya too." - Brian whispered and left the room.
------------------------------------------------------------
At four fifteen Brian was already up and ready to leave. His carry
on at the door waiting for him.
"Let's go?" - Kevin whispered.
"Yes, yes..." - Brian looked around.
"What, is there something missing?"
Brian thought a little.
"Cousin, can you just take my bag and wait for me in the car? I
still have something I want to do."
Kevin nodded. Somehow he knew what Brian meant.
"Sure, cuz. I'll be down there waiting for you. Take your time."
"Thanks." - Brian looked at him.
Kevin smiled and went down carrying Brian's bag with him.
Two minutes after Kevin had gone away Brian was still in the same
place. He could feel his heart getting bigger inside of him. Filled with
fear and love at the same time.
With feather's steps Brian went to Nick's bedroom and opened the
door without making any noise. All the lights in the apartment were down,
so that it was impossible to see him entering.
As Brian had predicted he didn't have the heart to wake Nick
up. He was so cuddled into the blanket sleeping peacefully... His messed up
blond hair falling on his eyes and touching the pillow. His arms in an
embrace with this same pillow and his body curled up in a ball.
Slowly Brian leaned down to kiss his forehead. Immediatly Nick
turned around and faced him with eyes almost closed.
"I knew you'd come..." - Nick rustled in a very low and sleepy
voice.
Brian ran his hand through his hair and face and whispered close
to him.
"Go back to sleep..." - Brian closed Nick's eyes with his hand and
the boy didn't protest. He kept his eyes shut as Brian continued. - "Its
all a dream... when you wake up I'll be by yourside again."
Brian softly kissed Nick's lips.
One minute later he was leaving the room. Nick didn't open his
eyes again. The boy was fast asleep and Brian was thankful.
It was just a dream... Nick needed to sleep.
------------------------------------------------------------
Friday Brian would spend all day long being prepared for
the surgery that was gonna happen during the night. From Friday to
Saturday. No visits allowed.
At nine o'clock Brian was laid in that bed looking at the ceiling.
The doctors would be there at any second. White walls, white sheets. He
wondered what Nick was doing.
------------------------------------------------------------
'They probably began it already.' - Nick thought to himself laid
on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He didn't want to think about what
Brian was going through right now, but also he couldn't help it.
"Oh...!" - Nick growled turning around to bury his head into the
pillow. He needed to sleep. He couldn't stand thinking of Brian and what
was happening to him right now.
Nick stood up and left his room. Five minutes later he was
knocking on Kevin's door.
"Come in!" - he yelled.
"Kevin, its me." - Nick said as he entered the room and sat on the
bed where Kevin was watching TV. He turned it off.
"Whats up, Nick? Can't sleep either, right?"
"Yeah..." - he sighed. - "I'm trying but all I can do is think of
Brian."
"I understand. Me too. And the same goes to AJ and Howie. I talked
to them before. We are all concerned."
Nick nodded staring at the bed.
"Kevin, Brian is going to be ok, right?" - when Nick looked up
again he had tears in his eyes.
"Oh, God... of course he is Nick! Do you wanna sleep with me
tonight?" - Kevin knew Nick had hard times to fall asleep sometimes, and
tonight would be one of those times.
"No, thanks. I just need..." - Nick cleaned the tears from his
eyes. - "I just need to know Brian is gonna be alright. I can't even think
something may happen to him..."
"Oh... nothing will happen, Nick!"
Kevin pulled Nick close and hugged him. Nick stayed in his arms
for five short seconds before pulling apart. It didn't feel good. No, it
was different. Hugging Brian was ok. He was his best friend. Being with
girls too, hugging them was ok. But letting another man touch him? No way!
Nick stood up.
"I... I'm sorry, Kevin. I'll go back to my bedroom."
Kevin nodded sadly thinking Nick didn't get over his trauma.
Nick went back, turned the lights down and got into the sheets. He
didn't have any further time to think when he collapsed into his sleep.
------------------------------------------------------------
In his bedroom Kevin was reading a book at three o'clock of a dark
night when he heard the screams coming from Nick's bedroom.
"No, Taison, no! Go away! Go away PLEASE!"
Kevin didn't trust his ears right away and stood up heading to the
door to listen to it more carefully.
"NO! Please don't do this to me! No!!!!!"
Nick was whining, crying desperately.
Kevin ran to his room. He couldn't remember the last time Nick had
a nightmare and it scared him. Maybe... no, for sure it was because Brian
wasn't there for him. Somehow Nick was feeling that through his sleep. He
could feel he was alone. But Kevin wouldn't let him be alone.
He got to the bedroom and Nick was really having a bad nightmare.
Rolling on the bed, squeezing the pillow and screaming.
"Stop it! Stop, Taison, go way! Don't hurt me, don't! You can't do
that... I hate you, I hate you!"
"Nick..." - Kevin shook him softly. - "Nick, wake up."
The boy stopped moving but didn't open his eyes. Kevin stood by
his side for a couple more minutes until he thought it was over. Maybe now
Nick would sleep again.
When Kevin turned around he heard him again.
"Brian, don't let him hurt me! Come back, come back! Don't die...
you can't die, I need you! Brian, Taison is back again, you gotta help me!"
Nick was gasping.
"Brian, I love you... please don't leave me, please..."
Kevin went back to Nick's bed and this time he made him open his
eyes.
"What...?" - Nick asked fighting for air.
"Nothing, Nick... Its over now." - Kevin ran his hand through his
hair and Nick laid down again, staring at no where.
"I'll sleep here with you." - Kevin said as he climbed onto the
bed.
Nick probably didn't hear him as he was still staring at nowhere.
Nick was in a strange state of trance.
Kevin moved closer and pulled Nick's body close to his. His eyes
were still off somewhere else as he allowed himself to be cuddled by Kevin.
The older man held Nick into his arms for almost two hours of
silence. Nick was holding on to him like a child who lost their lollypop
to the evil man. Only his eyes were dead.
Slowly Nick began to wake up from this state. First he held on
tightly to the body next to him, and little by little he realized
something. It didn't feel good. It just didn't feel right! Nick looked up
quickly and saw Kevin stroking his hair.
Immediatly Nick pulled away in shock.
"What?" - Kevin asked.
"Please don't touch me." - Nick muttered. - "You can go away, I'll
be fine. Just go away, please Kevin..."
"Nick..." - Kevin touched him soflty as he moved closer.
"NO! Please..." - Nick whined and Kevin stood up.
"Alright, Nick. If you need anything just tell me, ok?"
"Sure. Thanks."
When he left Nick made a silent pray. Brian needed to live,
otherwise he was going to die.
-------------------------------------------------------
So... if there is someone STILL reading it, do you like it? Shall I go
on?
Tell me, please... lionessy@hotmail.com