Date: Wed, 07 Aug 2002 01:12:09 +0000
From: Lady Misterious <lionessy@hotmail.com>
Subject: i am here for you 12
CHAPTER 12-
God definitely knows what He does, because one week later Brian
was back at the apartment the boys were sharing. He'd still have to be
watched out during fifteen days, but this only to make sure nothing would
come in the way of recovering.
During all these time he had to rest the boys were there for him.
His cousin and his friends. His parents and brother came up to see
him. With all this care coming from his beloveds in two months Brian was
back to touring with his fellows. Back to this wonderful popstar's routine.
And together they were all rocking the world with their second
album's singles. Backstreet's Back. Life was presenting to them again,
irresistible, inviting them to enjoy the fullest of it. And being happy was
something money couldn't buy. Well, not for too long. Is only happy someone
who has friends, and all the boys had. Friends that were like
family. Fellows for the good and hard times. Just the kind of friends you
can go through life and enjoy every moment of pain and joy...
------------------------------------------------------------
Nick had been going out with this girl named Sarah for almost one
month now. She was a lovely blond with long hair and dark blue eyes. Not
only she was beautiful she was also caring and understanding. The sweet
kind of girl that Nick always loved to go out with.
As they began to go out a lot and spend lots of time together too
this inevitable sexual tension began to increase the more times they were
kissing and hugging each other.
"Nick, do you wanna come up today?" - Sarah asked softly as Nick
walked her till the front door of the building she lived in.
Nick took a deep sigh before answering.
"Yes, Sarah. I'd love to." - he smiled at her.
Sarah also smiled and took Nick's hand, guiding him up the stair
until they were inside of a large and adorable apartment the girl owned.
"Wow! You have a very nice place, baby..." - Nick said looking
around.
"Thanks." - Sarah blushed. - "Do you want to have something to
drink, sweetie?"
"Oh, no, I'm fine. Thanks." - Nick smiled and Sarah kissed him.
"So, wanna sit a little bit? I'm pretty tired of standing up!"
"Oh, definitely!"
Sarah led them to the big and comfortable sofa in the living room.
The moment they sat they began to make out. Nick slowly laid on
top of her as their kiss deepened. Sarah was running her hands with long
nails softly over Nick's back. Everything just perfect because they were
really involved with each other. They shared care and maybe... well, who
knows? Maybe even love.
Nick had his eyes closed trying to concentrate in giving her
pleasure by touching her face softly and kissing her, running his hand
through her hair and soon he felt her breasts against his hand.
Sarah also began to explore Nick's body. She found her way down to
his pants and slide her hand inside his boxers to fondle his hard on.
"Hm..." - Nick moaned.
Nick shut his eyes and sighed. No... not again! Not now! Sarah was
being so sweet, so loving... But he couldn't help those images rushing
through his mind and it was driving him crazy! When would it stop? It was
more than in time!
"Whats wrong, Nicky?" - Sarah asked smoothly.
"Nothing, baby." - Nick said quickly kissing her forehead and
trying to go back in touching her, in moving in that seductively way on top
of her.
"Hm..." - Sarah moaned.
Nick had his eyes opened looking at her.
'What the hell am I doing?' - Nick felt like crying. He wanted to
get out of there. Why was Sarah touching him there? No, no one could touch
him!!! NO ONE! Because he was dirty!
As Nick's breath increased Sarah thought he was enjoying what she
was doing to him. But Nick was almost sweating in panic.
For sure his body was answering with arousal to her touch, but his
mind was blocking everything.
Sarah touching him. 'I'm gonna fuck your brains out, Nicky. Don't
you think Kurt is handsome? C'mon, you should try it... I just wanna give
you pleasure...'
Nick shook his head and looked at Sarah's beautiful flushed face.
Nick whined in an extremely low voice, not being able for Sarah to
hear him. As she touched him Nick could see Taison and all those last
images before he fainted. It had been a fuzzy scene, but every time Nick
was being touched or touched someone in a sexual way those images were
getting more and more clear. Nick could see what he wanted to forget
desperately.
"C'mon, Nick, make love to me..." - Sarah whispered.
Nick leaned down to kiss her in the neck and buried his head there
for a while.
Taison made him kneel on the bed. He ripped his pants. When Nick
thought it was over... It had began. That pain... it was feeling like all
the pain in this world were acting over his body. But Taison didn't stop!
He didn't!
Oh, God... Nick could feel warm tears forming in his eyes. He was
getting angry with himself.
Nick kissed Sarah softly over and over and slowly took her hand
away from his cock.
'I'm gonna be nice to you because you are virgin, Nick... you are
virgin and I'll make you feel good. Did you actually think you could get
away from me?! Come back here, Nick... I'm gonna hurt you now...'
Nick gasped and moved abruptly away from Sarah.
"Nick, what happened, honey? What did I do?" - she asked
concerned.
"I... I'm sorry, baby. I just remind I... I have something. A
meeting. God, how could I forget it! The boys are gonna kill me!"
"Oh."
Nick looked at her knowing perfectly she wasn't buying anything of
that crap he was saying.
"I'm sorry, girl, I gotta go, hun."
Nick kissed her forehead.
"Ok." - Sarah sighed and stood up to open the door for him.
"Bye..." - Nick forced a smile.
"Bye, babe... Hope the guys don't get mad at you."
Nick gave her wide eyes and she smiled understanding.
"Yes..." - Nick didn't know what else to say so that he just went
away.
Fast Nick reached the street. He knew perfectly Sarah was
conscious he was widely lying to her. But he didn't care because he would
never see her again.
Nick began to sob as the feeling of loneliness hit him. He was
alone in a cold and desert street, lay to the girl he had been the closest
of loving, none of his friends there with him. But he was there with
Nick. Inside his mind, haunting him.
Nick stroke his own arms to protect from the cold. He began to
walk. He didn't know where he was going. He was crying.
"I hate my life!" - Nick shouted at no one. - "How fucking happy
you all suppose I am, huh? How fucking happy can I be?!"
This outburst of anger against no one and everyone was only making
more tears drop in a path down his cheeks.
"Why can't I forget it? It was not fair! Did You hear it, God?!
Not fair someone came into my life and ruined it all! Where were You when
Taison did that to me? Where!?" - Nick cried out but the dark night kept
silent.
Nick kicked a stone on his way and cleaned the tears from his
eyes. He roamed around trying to calm himself down. Two hours later Nick
was calmer but not any better.
How many times had that happened? Being with girls he cared for,
he wanted, he practically loved... and when the time came to show this deep
affection Nick couldn't make it. He just... couldn't. Do people think its
cute being a virgin? Oh, well, it could be when it was your choice. In
Nick's case... 'Oh, God! I'm not even a virgin...' - Nick thought to
himself. - 'He stole that from me too.'
Nick closed his eyes and sighed. Walking a bit more he found the
first human presence in hours. An old man selling the last newspapers he
had. With no more hopes someone would get them.
Nick approached him and bought a magazine without even looking at
the cover, just to help the old man. He held the magazine in his hands and
walked a few more steps before looking at it.
He stopped.
" MILLIONAIRE WELCOMES LOVED SON BACK AFTER LONG JOURNEY TRAVELING
AROUND THE WORLD."
Taison was smiling and hugging the man who once produced the
Backstreet Boys with Lou Pearlman. Taison was right there. In Colorado. Not
only the same state, but the same city. Taison was in Denver. Nick was in
Denver. This couldn't be any good.
Nick rushed to the first trash can and was about to drop the
magazine. The picture of that man in the cover was making him sick, about
to throw up.
Changing his mind Nick held the magazine and began to walk again.
He was going home now.
------------------------------------------------------------
Home for Nick was the hotel they were staying at. As soon as he
got there he went up and knocked on Brian's door. It was ten o'clock, he
shouldn't be asleep now. And he wasn't. Brian answered the door
immediately.
"Hey, Nick! In, buddy."
"Thanks." - Nick said walking in.
"So, how was the date with Sarah?"
"I'm also gonna talk about it, Brian. But later."
Brian made a confused face as Nick sat on his couch.
"Brian, you have kind of a farm with a big house close to Denver,
right?"
"Yes, Nick. I bought it recently. But why are you asking? Its more
of a country place. There is no one around, its hard to get there. Nothing
but trees to look at. Grass and birds singing. You don't like peaceful
places like that." - Brian grinned.
"No, I don't. But Brian, can we go there?"
"Well, sure! Why not?" - Brian said approaching him.
"I mean, can we go now?" - Nick rose his eyebrows.
Brian looked at him awkwardly.
"I know its just one hour and a half away. I just need to go now,
Brian. Please?"
"Nick, whats going on?" - Brian asked trying to decipher his eyes.
"No need to read me." - Nick said giving Brian the magazine he
bought moments before. - "Just look at the man on the cover."
Silence went on for two long minutes.
"Taison is in town?"
Nick nodded biting his lip.
"Please, Brian. I wanna go away. I can't stay here. We call the
guys when we get there."
Brian sighed.
"Sure, Nick. I'll get ready and we can go." - Brian turned around
to leave but Nick made him stop.
"Thank you."
"You are always welcome, Nick." - Brian smiled and left the living
room, Nick waiting for him to come back again.
------------------------------------------------------------
After a brief trip of one hour and a half the boys arrived at
Brian's farm house. It was beautiful even at night.
Nick left the car and looked amazed at the beauty of the house and
the area surrounding it. It was so... peaceful... why didn't he like these
kind of places? Maybe because they made him feel lonely. But Brian was
there. He could never feel lonely by his side.
Without realizing it Nick was shaking in cold waiting for Brian to
come with the keys.
Suddenly he felt an arm around his back and the warmth of a
friend's touch.
"Geez, Nick! You are shaking! Lets go inside."
Nick looked at him smiling and followed Brian up to the house.
The place was also gorgeous from inside. Every room, every couch
and bed was warm and cozy, inviting people to cuddle and feel
comfortable. That was just the kind of place Nick needed to be in that
night. Especially after those alarming news of Taison being this close to
him.
"Nick, are you hungry?" - Brian asked.
"No. I had dinner with Sarah."
"Oh, ok. I already had dinner too. Oh, my, its cold in here,
don'tcha think?"
"Yes."
"Wait a minute."
Brian took five minutes to light the fire in the living room.
"Come here!" - he said to Nick sitting on the sofa.
Nick did what he said and sat by his side.
"Do you think Taison knows we are here?" - Brian asked.
"I'm not sure. But if he wanted to find it out wouldn't be any
difficult. The magazines are always covering us. Its easy to know where we
are when we are on tour. I'm glad this one is almost over by now."
"Yeah, me too. Can't wait to begin to work on a third album."
Nick smiled dreamily to Brian's comment.
"Nick, are you afraid Taison may come look for you? I mean, do you
think he'll ever cross your way again?"
Nick thought briefly.
"No and yes."
Brian stared at him.
"I don't think he is actually gonna look for me right now, but
something just tells me he'll cross my way again." - Nick said honestly.
"Not if I'm still alive!" - Brian exclaimed.
Nick placed his right hand above his. The room was getting warm
with the fire burning next to them.
"Its not up to you, Brian. Life goes on itself. We can't stop it.
And inside of me I feel I'll have to face him again someday."
Brian smoothed Nick's hand.
"I wish I could keep this from happening..." - he said softly.
"No one can. Not even me."
Brian sighed. Maybe Nick was right.
"Brian why don't you call the other boys? I'm sure Kevin will be
all pissy if we don't tell him where we are."
Both guys laughed.
"I'll do that."
Brian picked the phone and talked to his cousin for ten minutes.
Soon he was back to sit on the sofa with Nick by his side.
"So, whatdija tell Kevin?"
"I said we are staying here for this whole week. Then will go back
and travel again to God-knows-where."
"Good. Did you tell him the reason why we are doing that?"
"Yes. He understood. You should be more opened up with Kevin,
Nick. He loves you too. We all do. Just like me and the other fellows
Kevin just wants the best for you."
Nick looked at his hands resting on the sofa.
"Did... did he tell you about the night when you went into heart
surgery?"
"Yes. He told me he tried to comfort you and you didn't let him
to. You didn't want him to touch you. He also told me about the nightmare
and how you seemed to be in trance after that. It was when you allowed
yourself to be comforted by him for some time. Just when you realized what
was going on you pulled apart. I don't understand, Nick, are you still
fearing being touched by people?" - Brian asked.
Oh, now he had got to the point. Now he was in the right
way. About to know how Nick had really been doing with this fear of being
caressed. Nick had to tell him about what this was causing to his life. He
needed Brian to help him, although he had no idea how.
Nick noticed Brian was still staring at him waiting for an answer.
But Nick didn't give him one. Instead he just leaned down and put himself
into Brian's arms.
Brian slowly cuddled him feeling his soft hair brush against his
chin. He slowly smoothed Nick's back and face. Brian understood what Nick
meant. It didn't matter how afraid he could be. Brian was the one to make
him feel safe. Always.
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