Date: Sat, 14 Sep 2002 15:43:36 +0000
From: Lady Misterious <lionessy@hotmail.com>
Subject: i am here for you 20
CHAPTER 20 -
"I did nothing to Nick!" - Leighanne protested immediately.
"I'll give you one chance to tell me truth. Just one chance to
explain things from your point of view."
Leighanne looked at Brian nervous.
"What are you saying? Brian, I love you honey, I could never hurt
Nick!"
"You didn't hurt him. You had someone else try to kill him." -
Brian's voice was cold, his eyes frozen.
"Brian..., I swear to God I did nothing to hurt Nick!" - Leighanne
yelled, her heart racing in fear.
Brian didn't say a word as he got the letter from his pocket and
opened it in front of Leighanne, allowing his wife to read what she had
written herself.
"Will you say it ain't your letter?" - Brian swallowed hard as her
expression changed in complete disbelief and deeper fear.
"How..."
"It doesn't matter how I got this letter, Leighanne!" - Brian cut
her off. - "You tried to arrange Nick's death! My best friend, why did you
do that, why?!"
Leighanne broke down hearing Brian say those things. He was angry,
she could feel the rage hurting her through his words.
"I'm, so sorry..." - she cried. - "I guess I've always been
jealous about your deep connection with Nick... I knew I could never mean
to you as much he did and it hurt me Brian, it hurt knowing you didn't love
me as much as loved him!"
"Leighanne! What are you saying? Bullshit! How could I not love
you when I married you! I picked you to be the woman I'd spend the rest of
my life with!"
"But you couldn't forget about Nick! Whenever I look into your
eyes I can see him!"
"Leighanne, you are crazy! I loved you bad, and nothing is this
world could explain what you did to Nick! Right now he is in coma and only
God knows when he'll come to!"
"I hope he never comes to!" - Leighanne gasped, her lips trembling
in anger.
Faster than he could control it, Brian got to Leighanne and
grabbed her arm. Immediately she winced in pain.
"You are sick, Leighanne..." - Brian said not letting go of her
arm. - "You should end up with Taison because you are both too much
alike. I can't believe you want Nick to be in coma..."
"I don't. I wanted him to die!"
Brian let go of her arm and kept looking at her in shock.
"Why? Do you think that by killing Nick you would have me all for
yourself? Leighanne, if Nick dies I'll die too! And no matter what you do
you can't kill what I feel for him!"
"And what do you feel for him?" - Leighanne asked locking eyes
with Brian. - "You don't even know what you feel for him..."
Slowly Brian took the letter and put it inside his pocket
again.The pain was so huge that he couldn't take it anymore. He felt dizzy,
he wanted to go away.
"Leigh... you died to me. I want a divorce." - he said in a low
voice.
"What?! There is no away we'll split up! I love you Brian, if you
leave me I'll die!"
"You want me?"
"Yes!" - she shouted
"What do you want a dead person for?"
"Brian, you are not dead!"
"Maybe I am. Without Nick you were all I had in this life. All
that really mattered. I loved you Leigh. I truly loved you. But maybe you
are right. Maybe I have always loved Nick more. I don't understand it, I
know I love Nick in a different way... Anyway, now I know why Nick isn't
here. And you know it too. I can't be with you, Leigh... I do not hate
you. I should! But I don't... I just wanna go away. I just wanna be alone
because I have nothing inside of me to share... I have nothing."
"Brian... I love you, we can work things out!"
"Till the end of the week it will be over. Please, you own me
this. Its the least you can do. You lost my love."
Before Brian went away she could still say something.
"You can't lose what you never had."
------------------------------------------------------------
Brian drove in his care senseless. He kept driving around for a
couple of hours when something finally hit him. He knew where to go. He
looked for the keys and was glad he still had them.
Brian was going to Nick's house.
------------------------------------------------------------
Robert Carter was at the hospital spending time with his older and
loved son that showed no signs of waking up from this deep sleep. His
mother had been there before and she went home to be with the rest of their
kids.
It was being so hard to everyone...
Robert stood up from his chair and came close to Nick's
bed. Gently he smoothed his son's face and hair, this act bringing tears to
his eyes as memories from Nick's childhood rushed through his mind.
Only now Jane knew what their son went through when he was
younger, after he joined the Backstreet Boys. The whole world knew it now,
but Robert had known before. He could still remember the day Nick told him
about the rape.
It was a day when everyone had seen the famous picture Samantha
published in her book of Brian and Nick sleeping together when they were
really young. People at Nick's house had made silly jokes, but his family
members didn't think it was 'suspicious', they just thought it was
weird. His sisters said something funny about the pic, but none of his
parents commented anything.
Nick knew it was weird. That day his father was driving home after
taking Nick to a club where he met his dad's old friends. It had been only
Nick and Robert in the car and Nick felt the need to tell him what
happened. His father... he could always turn to him, he could keep a
secret. He loved his mom so much, but still he didn't want to tell her
about it. He knew how hard it would be for her...
------------------------
FLASHBACK-----------------------
"Dad, about the photo with me and Brian sleeping together..." -
Nick began.
"Yes, son?" - Robert asked.
"We don't have anything going on. That picture ain't a naughty
one..."
"I never thought it was..."
"I know you didn't. I sleep with Brian because I have
nightmares..."
Robert looked at his sixteen years old son. He wanted to believe
Nick, but we all have sort of a nasty mind. We can't help it.
"I've been through something a few people know. Actually only me,
Brian, and Kevin does too."
"Do you want to talk to me about it?"
"Yes." - Nick answered.
"Go on, son. I will always do my best to help you."
"Dad, do you remember Taison? The dark haired guy that worked with
us during whole afternoons in the past?"
"Sure Nick. I've never heard of him again..."
Nick swallowed hard. It was difficult to say something like that.
It was difficult because it hurt, it made him feel ashamed.
"Taison raped me when I was fourteen..." - Nick said in a low
voice staring at his hands resting on his lap.
"Nick, can you wait two minutes until we get to a safe place? I'm
gonna park the car and we will talk."
"Ok." - Nick said sheepishly.
A few moments later Robert parked the car.
"Tell me everything you can, Nick. Say what you think its
important, but don't talk about things that may hurt you... Its ok. I'll
help you son, I wanna hear you. I'll just have to keep cool not to leave
and kill that bastard right now..."
"Dad, no... I wanna forget it. Let him go. You promise you won't
hate me if I tell you?"
"How could I? I love you son."
"I love you too, dad."
Nick couldn't help but he was crying when he began to talk about
everything that had happened to him since London.
---------------END-OF-FLASHBACK-----------------------------
That night had been a special one to Nick. He didn't give all the
details he gave Brian, actually he didn't say much about how everything
happened, but he was able to trust someone else, and his dad was there for
him. Together father and son cried, suffered and comforted each other. Nick
had to fight hard to keep his father from killing Taison that very night,
but they talked more and Nick begged him to live it down. He needed to move
on.
Robert never told anyone, not even his wife. Nick wanted it to be
a secret, and thats what he did. He kept it with him.
As these years passed by the complicity they shared keeping this
secret made their affection grow stronger. And just as stronger was the
pain buried on his father's heart as he ran a hand over Nick's wan face.
He wanted his son back. God just couldn't take him away... it
wasn't fair, it wasn't right... Nick still had so much ahead of him...
Hours passed by without Robert realizing it. Late that night he
wiped his tears and went back home. His wife and his other kids also needed
him to be there.
------------------------------------------------------------
Brian entered Nick's house. At first he thought being there would
make him suffer thinking of Nick and where he was right now. But no, Brian
felt complete when he walked in that house.
Slowly Brian walked into every room and smiled remembering things
him and Nick had done there. Talking, laughing... this kind of thing Brian
would give up everything to have back now.
After this little tour over the house Brian sat down on the couch
and cried. He cried because never in his life he felt so empty, so sad and
so lonely. It hurt knowing he had failed. He devoted his life in trying to
find that one special person and when he thought he did Leighanne took Nick
away from him.
He no longer felt rage. Brian wasn't angry, he was depressed. He
was so sad and so tired he couldn't feel those strong bad feelings such as
rage and anger. But right now he also didn't want to think more of
Leighanne. It was over, she was over. And maybe he was over too.
Brian went upstairs to Nick's bedroom and laid on his bed. Again
Brian cried, but this time from a different pain.
The past times were the place Brian had been trying to hide from
reality, but it was difficult. It was hard because Brian needed Nick
now. To tell him it would be ok, that his life wasn't such a waste...
------------------------------------------------------------
Magazines had been selling like food, specially the show business
ones. Not only they had all the story about Nick Carter now they had more
hot stuff to write about.
Another Backstreet Boy. This time it was Brian who was getting a
divorce from his wife. In interviews it was asked if it had anything to do
with the fact Nick was in coma, but he denied it. Brian said it had been a
long time they couldn't work things out together and they decided it was
better to get a divorce before anyone could get more hurt.
Brian's family insisted in knowing what was going on with him, but
Brian just wanted to get away. He didn't want to answer questions about his
life. He needed time to be alone. The pain was just too strong to pretend
it was ok.
Now it had been a month Nick was in coma. And all of sudden the
world had become a cruel and cold place to live in.
------------------------------------------------------------
Brian woke up in the middle of the night. He had been sleeping at
Nick's house, in his friends bed. For the same reason he couldn't sleep
again. It was three o'clock in the morning and Brian was killing himself
thinking about how miserable he was and would be without Nick.
He got out of the bed and dressed up. He knew he had to go to the
hospital to see Nick. He couldn't get enough. Brian was spending more and
more time with Nick. If possible he would be in coma too just to meet Nick
in his continuous dreams.
Brian was completely aware of the fact no visits were allowed at
that time, all the patients were asleep. But hey, he was a Backstreet
Boy. Sometimes it was nice to use that and take advantage.
Brian got to his car and drove to the hospital. As he thought he
had no problems in getting someone to take him to Nick's room. It wasn't
like he was gonna wake him up, right?
Brian entered and the nurse following him closed the door, going
away.
Brian sat next to the bed and sighed.
"Thats it, Nick! I can't live without you!" - Brian exclaimed
angry as he couldn't help but crying.
Brian was breathing fast, he wanted to shake Nick and bring him
to, he wanted to slap him and make Nick face him, he needed to look into
his eyes...
"I'm in so much pain, Nick..." - Brian began to talk. - "I'm so
confused! My whole life doesn't make any sense, and I miss you so bad
sometimes I can't breath. Why is it? Why can't I go on living while you are
here sleeping? I'm not in coma, you are! How come I can't live?..."
Brian wiped some tears.
"People say I waste my time coming here and talking to you... But
this time I spend with you is what keeps my sanity! Being able to see
you... I know you are alive! I can feel you... Please, Nick... please you
gotta wake up... I need you so much... I promise I'll never leave you
again, I promise I'll be always there for you... I need to hear your
voice!"
Brian was crying again. He didn't want to be much time there, all
he wanted was to look at Nick a little so that he could sleep.
"I want you back in my life... You mean so much to me I can't even
figure this whole feeling out... I don't understand it, Nick. I don't
understand what happened the moment we met each other. I don't know why I
had to be the one there for you. I don't know why you let me get through to
you. I don't know why I insisted. I don't understand what happened between
us. Its something deeper than I can explain, and right now its driving me
mad. I just wish you were here to help me go through this..."
Brian stood up and leaned down to kiss Nick softly on the lips.
"Do you think I love you Nick?" - Brian asked waiting for Nick to
open his eyes.
He didn't. Nick didn't move and Brian went away.
------------------------------------------------------------
The clouds were moving faster this time. The face that caused him
pain didn't show up. Little by little that face fled and it didn't
matter. He began to realize he had been dreaming the same thing for a long
time.
As the feelings and faces rushed through his mind he was getting
impatient, he wanted to know, he needed to know who he was! Who was him and
what was he doing, why was he dreaming and why wouldn't anyone wake him
up?! Did anyone know he was asleep? He new he wasn't dead.
That face... he could hear that voice. He was struggling inside to
scream, to say something as he felt that face going away again. He needed
to know what was that, he needed that person to help him!
Anything, anything that would blow the clouds away and bring him
back, and answer these questions. He needed life, he needed reality, he
needed... that touch.
That simple and soft touch. One that felt like a kiss. Someone was
trying to save him. Finally he could fall asleep, and this time he had no
dreams, and this time he knew he would wake up.
There was no one there when he opened his eyes. But the most
important thing happened to him. His answers. He knew who he was.
Nick Carter knew he was back to the world. And the mysterious face
had a name now.
For the first time he smiled. God, he loved Brian!
-----------------------------------------------
Yay!!! Guess who's back? Guess who's back, guess who's back.... :o)
So... whats gonna happen now? E-mail me and you I'll update fast!
Lionessy@hotmail.com