Date: Wed, 2 Aug 2000 21:35:25 EDT
From: Chris13731@aol.com
Subject: I Need Love, Chapter 4   (Celebrity, Boy Band)

Well, here we are for one more go. I just wanted to thank everyone who's
still reading this. I'm really happy that some people like it. Special
thanks go out to Darren LeVanelle. He's been a great help and really good
influence for my writing. You should check out his story, Everything I
Said, in the Boy Band section. It's wonderfully excellent. Uhmmmm.......You
know the usual stuff, under 18 or not allowed where you live, get out now
while you still can. Thanks, enjoy the show!!


I Need Love: Chapter IV (Aren't Roman numerals cool?)

"Hey, Chris, I've been meaning to ask you something," JC said as he sat up
on the couch. "How come you've never gotten any help for your depression?"

"Because........." I started. 'Oh what the hell, I might as well tell
him. It really won't make that much of a difference.'  "Because I know
exactly what I need to fix all my problems."

"What's that?"

"I need love."

"Oh........" he said and started studying the floor. We just stayed there
in silence for a minute before I sighed and went to get my computer and
phone. Great, I thought. You're REALLY smooth, Chris. I packed up and set
my bag on the kitchen table and went to tell JC I was ready to go. I found
him standing next to the couch and he stared straight into my eyes. There
was something there I couldn't quite put my finger on,
something.... different. He walked over to me and surprised me by pulling
me into a hug. Not one of those impersonal guy hugs, he pulled me close and
held me tight. I just relaxed into his grasp and savored the moment. After
a while he pulled back but kept his hands on my shoulders, just looking
into my eyes. He looked like he was searching for something. I just
hoarsely whispered thank you. The whole way back to the hotel he walked
with his arm around my shoulders. I felt so comfortable and almost loved,
even though someone like him could never love me.

When we were almost to the front door of the hotel he stopped and pulled
away from me. He went to the side of the sidewalk and bent over to pick
something up. I started walking over to see what he was doing when he
whirled around and threw a snowball right in my face. He set out at a dead
run to the door, easily getting away since I had my suitcase and computer
bag. I missed the elevator he was in and had to catch the second one. When
I got up to the floor the band was staying on I found JC standing on the
opposite side of a bodyguard from me.

"Excuse me, sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. This floor is
reserved." said the burly man.

"Actually, I believe a certain JC Chasez is expecting me," I said, glaring
around him at my attacker.

The body guard turned to look at him, but all JC did was shrug and say,
"I've never seen him before in my life."

"Sir, you have to leave. Now," the big man said, looming over me. I just
stood there and gave him a skeptical look.

"Mike, it's OK. I know him. It was just a joke. Let him through," JC said,
coming around between us.

I followed JC down the hall until I knew the bodyguard wasn't looking, then
I kicked him in his butt HARD. He turned around and gave me a hurt look.

"What was that for?" he said innocently.

"You know damn well what that was for. Now tell me where I can put my
stuff." I said, pushing him further down the hall.

The fool stuck his tongue out at me and then opened the door to his room. I
set my bags down by the dresser and laid down on his bed.

"Ugh.................I'm so tired. I didn't sleep well at all last night,"
I moaned.

"Yeah, I noticed," was the response I got. Then JC blushed a little and
mumbled that he was going to take a shower. He gathered some clothes from
his bag and headed into the bathroom. That's a shame, I thought. No
sneaking a peak for me. I just relaxed and started thinking about how my
life had changed over the last week.

I really missed having Bryan as a friend. I really missed how we would talk
for usually an hour a day. I'd never really been able to talk to anyone
except for Bryan. I'm sure that I could talk to JC if I needed to, now, but
I just couldn't. Bryan always made me feel at ease to talk about
anything. I'm not sure I'd ever have that with anyone ever again. I really
didn't trust that easily.

Just how DID JC fit into all of this? Without Bryan, I felt like I was up
the creek without a paddle. I was lost. But somehow JC seemed to steady all
of it. Could he possibly fill Bryan's former spot? It was an enormous
task. I honestly don't know how he ever did it in the first place. Besides,
I'm not sure if I really want to become good friends with a man I love
again. One who couldn't possibly ever return that love. The last time ended
horribly, as anyone can see. I'd never want to ruin any kind of friendship
I could have with JC, if that's all I could have with him. Dammit, why do I
always have to fall for the straight guys?

Well, poor, poor, pitiful me. I just wish that I could know if any of this
was as wrong as some people say, anyway. Is homosexuality really a sin? I
can't help who I love. To me, it's not even that much of a physical or
sexual thing. It's not my fault that everyone I fall in love with just
happens to be male. There's really nothing I can do about it. But what if
it is so horrible in God's eyes? It just scares me to death to think about
it.

Mmmmmm........this pillow smells like JC.........and it's so warm and
soft.........

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

JC finished dressing after his shower and looked at himself in the
mirror. 'Man, it's good I thought to bring clothes in hear with me. It
would have been pretty embarassing to get "excited" just because I was
dressing in front of this guy that I think I'm in love with.'

He just washed his face with cold water and shook his head. 'I can control
this. I know I can. I'll just push it down and get over it. No sense in
swooning over someone you can't have.' Wiping his face with a towel, he
gave one last look into the mirror. 'Oh who am I kidding. I'm head over
heels in love.' He rolled his eyes and opened the door to the room.

JC was surprised to find Chris asleep on his bed. In JC's SPOT,
nonetheless. 'Oh man, why does he have to be so cute, too? That doesn't
help the situation at all.' He ran his hand over Chris's cheek and started
to weep. "Oh man, why do I have to love you so much, Chris?" he quietly
asked himself.

"Oh my God!" Lance slowly said as he froze in his tracks. JC turned around,
eyes wide with horror, to see his friend just coming in the room.

"Oh, God no!!" JC screamed, running from the room blind with tears. He
pushed Lance out of the way as the younger boy tried to stop him.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I was awakened by the sound of JC screaming something. I rolled over and
through blurry eyes I saw his form running out of the room and Lance
standing there with a shocked look on his face.

"Lance," I said groggily, "What's wrong with JC?"

"Uh.........uhm........Chris, I can't tell you right now." He started to
head out of the room to find JC.

"Lance!" I said forcefully. "Tell me what happened!"

He looked me straight in the eyes. "Like I said, I can't tell you, now let
me go find Josh!"

I grabbed his arm and pulled him closer to me. I was getting really
upset. I needed to know what would make JC so upset. I started yelling
involuntarily. "Dammit Lance, I need to know!!" I started shaking from all
the emotions boiling inside of me.

As I finished yelling, Justin Timberlake came running into the room. "What
the hell happened in here? I heard JC scream something and then as I open
the door he's running down the hall with tears in his eyes!! What the fuck
did you two do to him?"

"I didn't do anything to me and HE won't tell me what happened. LANCE!" I
screamed, grabbing his shoulders and pinning him to the wall. "TELL ME."

Justin grabbed me by the waist and pulled me off his band-mate. I turned to
face him and he slapped me hard on the cheek. "Settle down. You're
hysterical, man. Just calm down, we'll get this all figured out."

But I didn't want to settle down. I wanted to know what was wrong with JC
and I wanted to find him and help him. I couldn't just sit here and CALM
DOWN. I couldn't handle it. I just had to get out of there.

So I ran. Right past Justin and Lance, out the room and down the stairs at
the end of the hall. I blew through the front doors of the lobby and across
the street to the park. I found a bench and sat down and let it all out. I
hadn't shed any tears up until this point and it all came rushing out. What
had happened back in the hotel room. Did I say something in my sleep? Did I
accidently reveal my feelings for him? Sometimes I talk in my sleep, people
have told me before. Oh God, I hope this isn't all my fault. I need to talk
to JC. I need to explain everything. Please, please don't let me have
ruined everything!!  I just sobbed and sobbed for what seemed like hours. I
knew it was too good to be true, even just to find a good friend. I've
messed it all up again, I'm sure of it. Just like I did with Bryan.

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OK, so it wasn't very long at all. I'm sorry, I just wanted to get this
out. I promise the next one will be longer. I've had a lot of stuff to do
lately, soon that'll be slowing down. Uhm, drop me an e-mail if you want to
say something, comment, suggestion, insult, anything. Chris13731@aol.com
I'd love to hear from you. Anyway, that's about it, so see ya next
chapter.