Date: Sun, 4 Jun 2000 01:08:12 -0500 (CDT)
From: Chica
Subject: I Need You Tonight-Chapter 4
DISCLAIMER: I do not know any of the Backstreet boy's sexuality. At
all!
THANKS: I would like to thank people e-mailing me and everyone who has
written Nick and Brian stories to give me inspiration.
P.S. You might want to break out the Kleenex if you cry easily. This
one's a tear-jerker!!
Chapter 4
The whole world seemed to spin as the ambulance sped to the hospital.
My heart raced as I thought of what had happened. In the matter of
seconds my life had changed. I clutched Brian's hand tightly. Kevin
was the only one other than me who got to ride in the ambulance. I
realized suddenly that Brian could die right now. I slowly closed my
eyes and prayed. 'Our God in heaven, please save this man. I would
never ask you for a thing again if you did. If at all possible, let me
take his place. I need him, father. I think you know this. He's all I
have in the world. Don't take him, please! He's the most kindest,
sweetest, most loving man I've ever had the honor of knowing, let alone
being my best friend. I would do anything for him to live. Please,
Lord. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.' I opened my eyes and stared at
Brian's sweet face.
After what seemed like hours, we arrived at the hospital. The
paramedics wheeled Brian inside. I quickly followed suite and sat in
the waiting room. After a few seconds, the others arrived. Then I
realized the only thing I could do was wait. It was the longest 20
minutes i've ever experienced. Joey was crying in Howie's arms. Amanda
was crying in A.J.'s arms. Kevin was pacing back and forth worriedly.
I softly cried endlessly, hoping with all my heart Brian was going to be
O.K. The doctor finally came in. Everyone stood up and looked at him.
"Is there any family here?" The doctor asked us.
"I'm his cousin." Kevin answered firmly.
"Mr. Littrell's repaired hole in his heart has ruptured and we do
not know if he has 50 years to live or 50 minutes. Right now he's
unconscious from the anesthetics. We cannot operate until the heart's
pathway is cleared. This could take 30-50 minutes. If any of you would
like to visit him until then, feel free to do so."
First, the A.J. and Howie went in. Then Amanda and Joey. Then
Kevin. And finally it was my turn. I stepped into the ice-cold
hospital room and stared at Brian's still body hooked to several
machines. His chest meekly raised up and down. I stared at his figure
for a minute, then I talked to him the way I knew he'd want me to talk
to him at a time like this.
"Hey Frick! Welp, the doctor said you might live, but you might
die. But hey, dyeing isn't so bad! No way! You'll get to meet God and
Jesus! You can visit Howie's sister Caroline, you can meet Elvis or
Kurt Cobain...well, I'd wanna meet Kurt! Anyways, I have to tell you
something, Bri. I love you more than a friend. I'll never forget our
friendship, and I'll never forget you. it ain't gonna happen! I hope
you'll watch over me if you do go to heaven..." Tears that I tried to
keep held back spilled over my cheeks slowly. I cried and cried. Then
a sickening sound of rapid beeps came. Nurses and doctors rushed in,
but I knew it was too late. He was dead.
*********
A white light surrounded me as I was pulled by an unknown force. I
felt weightless as I ascended upwards. A feeling of complete inner
peace and happiness rushed to me. All around me was nothing, but it
seemed as if I was surrounded. Then a voluminous, thundering voice
spoke to me.
"I am the God of the ancient hebrews. I am the God of Abraham,
Isaac, and Moses. I am father of Jesus Christ. The creator of life."
It announced. I thought to myself, 'God?! What would he say if I told
him about my love for Nick?'
"I can hear your thoughts and feel your feelings. In the Bible it
states that a man cannot lust for another man. It never said you can
never love one. In fact, you should love your fellow man. In the way
you feel, you love him more than yourself. After all, lusting for
another man is no less sinful than a man lusting for a woman. It may
surprise you, but you and Nick are soul mates. When life ends for you,
eternity begins. Your human bodies are left behind, leaving only your
spirit. Everyone on Earth has their own soul mate. Very few meet them
while on Earth. Your soul mate is the one person you feel you cannot
have. Three basic obstacles are present: sex, career, best friends.
All of which are minor in mine eyes. In your eyes, they are huge. That
is why it is not your time to die, Brian. Nick needs you. Go to him.
You will remember nothing of what was said, just one thing: It is not
what you fall in love with. It's who you fall in love with." And with
those words, my spirit was returned to my body.
**********
My whole body had gone numb. It had been an hour since he flat
lined. Why was God so cruel? Can't he see how I need him? Where was
he when I needed him the most? I was so shocked that I couldn't even
cry, only whimper. My mind was closed to the outside world. Then a
strong had shook me out of my trance.
"Go away." I mumbled, pushing their hand away.
"There's someone who wants to see you." They persisted. it was
the doctor. Being too weak to argue, i followed him. I numbly walked
through the corridor until we reached Brian's room. I walked inside,
feeling cold, yet curious. I nearly fainted when I saw my Frick laying
in bed, eyes wide open and staring at me. He smile one of his
heart-stopping smiles and I nearly melted to the ground. I ran to him
and hugged him close to my heart. I stared as his beautiful chest rose
up and down with life. I didn't care if he ever knew I loved him. All
I asked God for was him to live, and He delivered.
**********
My Frack. Here he is, holding me tight. It felt like I was in the
white light again as peace and happiness washed over my aching body.
Oh, I didn't care if he ever found out how I really felt. I know now
that he will find out when we enter eternity. The doctor cleared his
throat loudly.
"Excuse me, everyone, but we need to discuss a few matters. Brian
will be able to leave in 5 days if he has someone who will volunteer to
keep watch over him, as he will still be very weak." I sheepishly
realized the other guys were there too.
"I will." Nick told him solemnly. He turned to smile at me. He
was smiling his real smile. I hadn't seen it for weeks, and here it was
again. I smiled back.
"But that means no more prostitutes, Nick!" A.J. exclaimed.
"I think I can manage." He told A.J. softly. It's good to be
alive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, what'd ya think?? A little more dramatic, ain't it? That's
probably going to be the most saddest part of the story, I think. Once
again, comments, questions, suggestions, sarcasm, anything to make me
think, write!!