Date: Sun, 09 Jul 2000 18:06:08 -0400
From: Brian Heck <kumquatboy@earthlink.net>
Subject: Ikaika's Confession

Do not read if you're under 18 (unless you're intelligent).  Contains
homosexual themes (Gasp! shock! Horror!).  Story is fiction (duh), not
meant to reflect on the actual lives of OTown (since I don't know them).
If you like, write me at kumquatboy@earthlink.net

Ikaika's Confession
Chapter 1

Boing! Boing!  "Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has now turned off the
Fasten Safety Belts light.  Please feel free to relax and enjoy your
flight."

Ikaika stared out the tiny window, his eyes transfixed on the clouds
floating by beneath him.  How many more hours would he have to sit in that
cramped seat before he saw the beautiful lushness of his beloved Hawaii
break through?  He couldn't get there soon enough.  Back too his family,
back to school, and most importantly, back to Malia.  He couldn't wait to
walk out that door and have her rush into his arms.  If he could just have
that comfort, knowing that someone truly cared about him, he could leave
Orlando behind forever.  He had never been one to believe in regret.  He
always felt that he could learn something from each new experience he went
through.  And yet he couldn't help but feel that he had completely wasted
the past three months of his life.  He certainly didn't begrudge any of the
other boys.  Lord knows they had been the only thing for him to hold on to.
What other support system did he have?  But then he'd think back to the
pain.  That horrible night upon his return when all 6 of the others sat
down at the table and aired their disgust . . . for him.  How did he put up
with it?  How did he manage the entire time?  He knew the answer, as much
as he didn't want to believe it.  He tried to push it out of his mind, to
leave it all in the past.  Yet that one name just kept coming back to haunt
him.  The only one to keep him going.

He sat still frozen is his seat when the large woman next to him started
rambling.  "I am just so excited about this trip!!  I have wanted to go to
Hawaii all my life.  I can't believe my dream is finally coming true!"  The
southern lilt in her voice was enough to drive him mad in itself.  As if
that weren't enough, the woman just kept right on going.  "It must be like
a paradise there.  A tropical paradise!!  I can't wait to fix me up with
one of them grass skirts and a lei. Oooh! Hee hee!"  The woman's giggling
was of such a high pitch, Ikaika was sure that only he and the dogs on the
ground somewhere below them could hear it.  "I feel so dirty when I say
that!!"  Then she began to sing.  Off key, naturally.  "They gave me
beautiful flowers, and pretty good island leis!" Heeee!! Hee hee!!"  Yes,
he was quite certain he was going to need some serious ear surgery when he
got home.  But he just sat there, immobile, his unblinking eyes focused far
off on the horizon, hoping the woman would get the point and shut up.  "I
do love that song!  I love to sing.  I've been singing in my church choir
for 26 years!  I hear they have some great shows in Hawaii.  Singing,
dancing, the whole kit and kaboodle!  Oh, I just can't wait!!  This is the
best part of my divorce settlement, let me tell you!  Not only do I get rid
of that asshole but I . . . oh, forgive me!  I've gotten carried away!"
Ikaika hoped and prayed that this meant she would be silencing herself now.
He should have known better.  She dropped her head and mumbled, "Forgive
me, Lord.  I will do my best to love my neighbor, no matter how has wronged
me in the past.  ANYWHOO!  Have you ever been to Hawaii before?"

He knew he couldn't avoid it any longer.  He breathed a deep painful sigh
and rolled his head around so he could see her, keeping his body immobille.
She was truly as rough on the eyes as she was on the ears.  "I live there"
he said flatly, and then rolled his head back to its original spot and
resumed his staring contest with the heavens.

The woman shrieked so much he thought she might leap out of her seat and
injure the passengers in front of her.  "YOU DO?!?!!!!!!  How splendid!!!
You're going to have to show me around a bit then!!  Where are the good
places to visit?  Oh!  My manners!  Forgive me!  My name is Gretchen.
What's yours?"

It wasn't even worth a turn of the head this time.  "Ikaika," he mumbled.

"What's that?"

"Ikaika," he said again, only slightly louder.

"Kyekoh?"

This time he had to turn his head.  Perhaps if he shot her his icy stare
she would wisen up and leave him alone with his pain.  "Ee . . . kye
. . . kuh," he said firmly, and then put his head back in its place.

"How beautiful!!  Very native!  And yet you're white as a sheet.  Isn't
that peculiar?"  The woman was really starting to push his buttons now.  If
there was one thing he didn't like being called, it was white.  It was hard
enough growing up in an area where everyone was darker than you, the last
thing he needed was to be reminded of it.  But in the state he was in, he
just couldn't bring himself to confront her.  So she simply persisted.
"Where are you coming from, Ikaiko?"

Was this woman straight from hell?  He knew he should just politely tell
her he wasn't feeling well, but he knew that then all she would do is sit
there in a huff and make the rest of his flight even more miserable.  So he
just kept mumbling to the window.  "Orlando."

"Disney World!!!" Gretchen shrieked again.  "Were you there on vacation?"

"Not exactly.  I was . . ." He could barely bring himself to say it.
". . . in a group."

"A group??  You mean like the Backroad Boys?  Oh how exciting!!  You're not
that Justin that I always hear so much about are you?"

He groaned audibly.  "No."

"Well which one were you in?  Do I know any of your songs?"

"No.  We were a new group.  O-Town.  But . . . I left."

"You left?!  To go back home?  Awwww!!!  How sweet!!!"  The woman touched
Ikaika's arm and he immeidately sitffened.  He was one second away from
combusting.  "It's for the best, I'm sure.  Most of the boys end up being
gay anyway."

His stiffness immediately faded until his insides just felt like goo.  It
was like a knife through the heart.  All too close to home.  He shot out of
his seat.  "Excuse me" he choked out as he climbed over the woman and
darted up the aisle to the bathroom.

He locked himself in the the tiny closet and immediately the tears came
streaming down his face.  Why did he let this happen?  Why couldn't he see
it coming?  Why was he running away from it?  He splashed water on his
face, trying to shock himself back into reality.  He felt like a complete
ass.  All his harsh words came leaping back into his head: "We'll settle
this my way . . . You wanna go wit me, bro?  Cuz I'll go witchoo
. . . Yeah, I wanna go there!"  Why did he always have to push things so
hard?  At least that night it ended the way he had wanted it, with his arms
wrapped the blonde beauty.  They had been so close, and grew so far apart,
and then became closer than ever until it was too much for him to take
anymore.  Somehow he knew that even in Hawaii he wouldn't be able to escape
the one person who had kept him going . . . Jacob.

Ikaika stepped out the door and looked back to his seat.  Gretchen was
looking at him with sincere concern painted on her face.  He had to confide
in someone, it might as well be a total stranger.  As he walked back she
stood up for him, knocking the backs of the heads of the people in front of
her.  "Are you okay, Ikaiko?"

He nodded at her, the small etchings of a smile finally coming to his face.
"I'll be alright," he said, settling in for what he knew would be a long
ride.