Date: Wed, 25 Oct 2000 00:11:14 EDT
From: Dara Lynn <daralynn_writings@hotmail.com>
Subject: Boy bands/ Interludes/ Control
Yes, it's another "Interlude". These are short stories that take place, in
NO particular order, between the first two stories of my "Any Path" trilogy
- "Any Path" and "No Painless Way". But they can stand alone. Thus far,
they're all J.C./Justin-ish, but it's not likely things will get any hotter
than that groping session in "Trust". :) These are generally angsty and
sweet.
A note - I'm starting to feel that the "Interludes" are too predictable, but
I promise, I'll try to liven them up a bit. Thus far there's too much
sleeping and guilt. :)
If you'd like to read the in-progress "Any Path" trilogy, go here:
www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/celebrity/boy-bands/any-path
Be warned - the story "Any Path" is mostly BSB, but "No Painless Way" is
mostly 'Nsync. YAAY!
DISCLAIMER: I'm finger-spelling the disclaimer at the computer monitor. If
you can't see it, that's your deal. :) Um...I don't know or own 'Nsync, but
I'm willing to trade my little sister. :)
DEDICATION: For Red, in hopes of cheering her up, and as a pitiful
thank-you for the amazing stories.
~INTERLUDE: CONTROL~ 1/1 by DaraLynn
"To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake
of loving is angelic."
- Alphonse De Lamartine
"Thank you, Denver! We love you!"
Turning their backs to the deafening cheers, the five members of 'Nsync
ran off-stage. Immediately they were surrounded by security and hustled
outside. Once on the bus, the guys collapsed onto their bunks as they were
taken the short distance to the hotel.
After a few minutes Chris sat up, grinning widely.
"Good one, guys."
Joey nodded. "Definitely. Even if we did have to start late 'cause
Poo-Fu over there couldn't hit the hackey."
"Hey!" Lance protested. "What I lack in coordination I make up for
in...um..."
"Albino-ness?" Chris suggested.
"Nah," said Joey. "To compensate for how often he misses the
hackey-sack he'd have to be even paler than he is. If that's possible."
Lance pretended to be insulted.
"Oh yeah, Fatone? Come over here and say that to my face!"
"I will, soon as I can move."
Giggles echoed throughout the bus from four of the 'Nsyncers. Chris
sighed in mock solemnity.
"Sounds like we're missing someone. Okay, roll-call. Chris? I'm here.
J.C.?"
"Present," J.C. called.
"Joey?"
"Here."
"Lance? Lance? Crap. Scoop's gone AWOL, guys."
"No he hasn't," Joey assured them. "I'm just trying to smother him with
my pillow."
"Oh, okay. Justin?"
There was no reply. J.C. leaned over the edge of his bunk to see
Justin's, and smiled at what he saw.
Chris continued. "Justin? Justin?"
Lance, who had by now escaped Joey, chuckled.
"Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?" he said in a dull monotone.
Joey and Chris laughed, but were quickly hushed by J.C.
"Sssh, guys, he's asleep. Awww. Isn't that adorable, the way he
clutches the pillow?"
Three pairs of eyes rolled simultaneously. Although the other 'Nsyncers
were fine with J.C. being gay, and felt sympathy for him being in love with
his straight best friend, J.C. *did* have a tendency to get gushy when it
came to Justin. To J.C., *everything* the teenager did was adorable.
Joey giggled. "Bet C wishes *he* were the pillow."
J.C. ignored him, still smiling at Justin.
"Listen...isn't that so cute?"
"What, J.C.?" asked Lance, patiently playing along.
"The way he breathes. It's so soft, yet of you really try you can hear
it. It's almost musical."
Joey shook his head.
"Big Daddy, sometimes you frighten me," he said.
"Bandmate or potential stalker? You decide," joked Chris.
Once at the hotel, the bus parked in the the back near the special
V.I.P. entrance, and the 'Nsyncers began the short walk to the door. J.C.
lingered, still watching Justin, an affectionate smile on his lips.
The youngest singer had released his pillow, and was now laying
peacefully on his back. From the window moonlight streamed in and
illuminated the angelic features of the boy's face. J.C. ran his fingers
through the short blond curls, not wanting to wake his best friend up.
Gently slipping his arms under Justin's back and knees, J.C. picked him
up and carefully maneuvered outside.
"You want me to carry him, J.C.?"
"No thanks, Lonnie. I got him."
Justin's bodyguard nodded with acceptance and escorted them to the door,
where the other members of 'Nsync were waiting. Chris smiled as J.C.
approached.
"Didn't have the heart to wake him, huh? Damn, that kid is so
*spoiled*!"
"I am not," Justin mumbled sleepily.
Joey led the way to the elevator while trying to keep Lance in a
headlock.
"Yes you are. J.C. does everything except tie your shoelaces."
Lance tried to break free as he was gleefully dragged out of the
elevator.
"Least some people know *how* to tie their shoelaces, *Joey*," he
grumbled.
Justin giggled, now more awake and alert.
"Josh, you can put me down now."
J.C. smiled at him, and waved at their manager, Johnny Wright, who was
waiting by their rooms. Lance, Joey and Chris all ran over to talk to him,
but J.C. hung back. He had been walking slowly, not wanting to put Justin
down.
"I don't mind. I like carrying you."
Justin hopped out of J.C.'s arms and hugged him. "I'll remember that."
Johnny was speaking. "Joey, could you let Lance out of that headlock?
He doesn't seem too happy."
Once free, Lance stood up and began to straighten his mussed hair.
"Thank you, Johnny."
"No problem. Now you boys get some sleep - you look exhausted."
Johnny looked over at Justin and J.C., still holding on to eachother,
and a slight frown crossed his face.
"Um, J.C., can you hang out here for a minute? I need to talk to you."
"Uh...yeah, sure."
Justin, now fully awake, bounded into his and J.C.'s room like a playful
puppy. "Ha ha, Josh! I get the shower first!"
As soon as the other four members of 'Nsync were in their rooms, J.C.
looked expectantly (and a little nervously) at their manager.
"What's up, Johnny?"
Now Johnny seemed nervous. "I'll try and get to the point, C. It's
about Justin."
J.C.'s eyes widened. "What? Is something wrong?"
"Not exactly. Well, sort of. It concerns your behavior with Justin."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
Johnny sighed. "Look J.C., I know the story with you two. And I really
admire how well you both deal with the situation. I also think it's great
how close you two are, and that all physical contact between you doesn't
make either of you uncomfortable."
"But..."
"But while you two being touchy-feely in private is fine, I have to ask
you to not touch Justin so much in public."
J.C. frowned. "John, we're a tight group. We hug eachother and put our
arms around eachother all the time, and nobody thinks it's weird."
"No, they don't. And probably they don't notice how frequently you and
Justin smile at eachother, or how often you look at him during the ballads.
But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about how you clutch him
like a doll while going through large groups of fans..."
"Crowds scare him! And you know how grabby those little girls are."
"...those death-stares you give Carson Daly on 'TRL'..."
J.C. scowled. "I don't like the way he looks at Justin. It makes Just
uncomfortable and it *pisses* me off."
"...when he was sitting on your lap at the fan conference..."
"Hey, every girl I talked to thought it was cute!"
"...last month when you called him 'baby' on VH1..."
"Nobody thought anything of it! 'The Baby' is one of his nicknames, the
fans know that.
"...that TV interview where you were holding his hand up to the first
commercial break..."
"I'm sorry, 'kay? I wasn't thinking. I get the message - hands off. I
won't touch him so much in public."
Johnny sighed at J.C.'s obvious resentment.
"Look, C, I'm not saying this to upset you or anything. It's
just...people *can't catch on to you, not now at least. A lot still depends
on your seeming-availability to your fans. As your manager, I have to
protect your image and interests. As your friend...God, I can only imagine
how hard it is for you to be in unrequited love with your best friend. And
I'm sorry for you, for what you guys have and don't have. Am I making sense
here, C?"
J.C. smiled. "Actually, yeah. Thank you, Johnny. I know you're just
trying to protect us."
"Got that right! Now go do what you do best - sleep. And remember - in
private, I don't care what you do."
J.C. grinned. "Can you write down that last sentence and sign it? You
know, so it's admissible in a court of law?"
Johnny rolled his eyes.
"Okay, I'm outta here. When you start channeling Chris, *that's* my cue
to go."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When J.C. went into his and Justin's room, his best friend was asleep.
Before getting into the shower, J.C. stopped to smile at the sight of Justin
curled up on his bed in a white T-shirt and baby blue boxers, one hand
resting under the wet blond curls.
But when J.C. came out, having already changed into his own T-shirt and
boxers, Justin was sitting Indian-style on his bed, tracing patterns on the
quilt with his fingers.
"Hi, Just. How come you're awake?"
"Hey Josh. What took you so long in there?"
//In the bathroom? Well, I suddenly remembered that time when you were
wearing nothing but a towel and our dear, crazy Chris yanked it off. Once
that image got into my head a little...problem arose. And I do mean
'arose'.//
"I had to pee. So what *are* you doing up? Are you okay?"
"I wanted to know what Johnny was talking to you about."
J.C. sat facing Justin, and took his hands.
"Well, Johnny says I have to stop touching you so much in public. He's
afraid people will get suspicious of me."
Justin laughed softly. J.C. was confused.
"What?"
"It's just weird. A lot of gay people have to hide relationships. But
*we* have to hide a friendship."
"Not *hide*, really. Just kinda tone down in public. Um, Just...are
you...okay with me touching you?"
Justin frowned. "What? Josh, you're the one who always lectured me
about what to do if someone touched me in a way that made me uncomfortable.
Nothing you do does."
J.C. smiled with relief. "And if it ever does..."
"I'll tell you."
"Thank you, angel." J.C. ruffled the damp curls.
"*Should* I feel uncomfortable, Josh? I mean, I don't sit on my other
friends' laps, or have them hold me while I sleep. But...I *like* what we
have. It makes me feel loved. Safe."
J.C.'s fingers entwined with Justin's.
"With me, you *are*. I just wanted to be sure that you don't let me
treat you like that at your own expense."
The blond giggled. "No way. You'd kill me if I did that. So, since
there's no cameras here, can I have a hug?"
"What a question!"
Justin pulled back after a few moments. He seemed to be shivering,
though the room was warm.
"You okay, hon? Are you cold? You want the heat up?"
The boy smiled at his friend's protective concern.
"I'm okay. Just chills, I guess."
J.C. sat leaning against the headboard of his bed, his legs stretched
out over the blankets, and opened his arms.
"Come here."
Justin sat down between his best friend's legs and lay back, his back
against J.C.'s chest. The curly blond head rested on the older man's
shoulder, and strong arms enfolded Justin. The seventeen-year-old relaxed
as J.C.'s body heat warmed him, and he closed his tired eyes, half-asleep
already.
"That better, Curly?"
"Mmm-hmm."
Justin sighed sleepily, placing his hands over J.C.'s. Attempting to
get more comfortable, he wiggled a little, shifting position slightly. As
he did, his butt rubbed against J.C.'s crotch. Both Justin's and J.C.'s
boxers were thin, merely two layers of cotton separating them, just like
Justin's sexuality did. J.C. scarcely had time to frown at the thought
when...
//No. Not now, dammit, please not now!//
But the one of the few parts of J.C. not ruled by logic wasn't deterred
by his protests. It continued to harden as Justin, nearly asleep and
oblivious to what was happening, unwittingly pressed his butt against it as
he shifted. Every nerve in J.C.'s body was screaming with passion, but his
panicked mind yelled louder.
//FUCK! I gotta do something before he notices...//
Willing away sudden dizziness, J.C. gently shook Justin. The teenager's
head turned, and soulful blue eyes blinked at him sleepily.
"Josh?"
"Angel, I need you to wake up for a sec...I just gotta go take a leak,
'kay?"
J.C. tried to shrink back from Justin, desperate to hide his 'problem'.
Justin giggled and pulled away, turning around.
"Sheesh, Josh, how much water did you drink at rehearsal? You just went
bef-"
Justin froze where he sat across from his friend, suddenly mute. His
cheeks flushed slightly as he observed his similarly-motionless best friend,
who somehow was managing to blush and look pale at the same time.
Justin saw the thick swelling that strained the cloth of J.C.'s boxers,
and his eyes dropped. J.C. looked at Justin helplessly, and tried to keep
himself from stammering.
"Oh God...um...I...damn. I'll, um, I'll be right back, okay?"
Justin nodded wordlessly, without looking up.
J.C. walked to the bathroom, deliberately keeping his pace slow and
calm. Once inside, he shut the door and sank down onto the tiles. After a
moment, he stood up.
//Fuck. Dammit, Chasez! You can't even hold your best friend without
getting turned on! Way to make him uncomfortable!//
J.C. rested his head against the cool surface of the sink, leaning down
to avoid his reflection in the mirror. He was stunned.
J.C. had pretty good control over his body when he needed to. When he
was alone, thinking of Justin even just smiling at him could get J.C.
aroused. Yet he had held Justin countless times in his arms or on his lap
without this happening. There was a line that divided friendship and
attraction, and while in Justin and J.C.'s case the line was a little vague,
it *had* to be there. This barrier, and J.C.'s fear of losing his angel,
kept their relationship from hurting either of them.
J.C. moaned. Maybe he hadn't crossed that line, but damned if he hadn't
just been walking it like a tightrope. The young man wanted to beat himself
up more, but he needed to talk to Justin, to somehow remedy this.
J.C. sighed, and got to work taking care of his little 'problem'.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
J.C.'s stride to Justin's bed, where the teenager sat, was meant to be
purposeful but seemed more hesitant. He sat beside the keeper of his heart
and gazed at the young blond silently, his eyes pleading for forgiveness.
Finally Justin met his stare, looking even younger and more fragile than
he was.
"I'm sorry, Josh."
"What? Just...you didn't do anything."
Justin pouted, his chin trembling. "I caused it. I teased you."
J.C. placed his hands on Justin's shoulders, looking straight into the
mournful expression.
//Why does he take upon him guilt that isn't his?//
"Hon, listen to me, please. This was an accident. *My* accident. I
lost control for a second. You did nothing, *nothing* wrong. You do *not*
tease me."
"But I caused...you know. Didn't I?"
"Baby, we're always open with eachother. You know how I feel about you.
That love amazes me everyday, 'cause I never thought I'd feel *anything*
so strong."
Justin wanted to frown at the guilt he felt, but, for Josh, he smiled.
"Physical attraction *is* one part of that, and sometimes it...affects
me physically. But it's never happened while I was so close to you...Just,
I'm *really* sorry. You're not mad?"
"Of course not. You didn't scare me, Josh. I just *feel* bad. I know
you don't want me to, but I do."
Justin looked down at his lap, near tears. J.C. lifted the boy's face,
his hands cupping it gently.
"Angel, look at me."
"I am."
"No, into my eyes, so you know what I'm about to say is true."
Justin gazed into the reflective orbs, thinking vaguely about how nice
they were.
He smiled. J.C. could always make him smile.
"Justin, you mean more to me than anything. And I know you love me too.
There's another part to my love which you can't return, but that's *all
right*. Maybe I feel it enough for both of us. Please, don't ever think
that your love for me as a best friend isn't enough. Sometimes, it's the
only thing that keeps me going."
Eyes shining with tears, Justin put his arms around J.C.'s neck and
edged closer to him. He softly kissed the older singer's cheek before
climbing onto J.C.'s lap.
Smiling, J.C. curled one arm around Justin's waist and with the other
hand stroked the damp blond hair. The youngest 'Nsyncer rested his head on
J.C.'s shoulder and allowed himself to be rocked.
"I guess, in *that*, we're even. I don't know what I'd do without you,
Josh."
"You'll *never* know, sweetie. I'm not going anywhere."
Justin snuggled closer, and J.C. felt a beautiful warmth in his heart
glow at the touch of his best friend. *Just* his best friend.
In the silence broken only by Justin's soft, even breathing, J.C.
remembered Johnny's stumbling, but well-meaning words.
~"I'm sorry for you, for what you guys have and don't have."~
Justin shifted a little in J.C.'s embrace, but there was no discomfort
now. Only love, and trust.
"I'm not."
~FIN~
Is it just me, or these all turning out the same? Hmm. Well, I promise
variety soon! Even though the guys don't get nearly enough rest, in my
opinion, I'm making them sleep too much. :)
Well, feedback is NOT necessary for me to keep sending these, and anyways
you should be spending that time reading all the amazing fic at this
archive. :) But if you really wanna...
Comments and questions to DaraLynn_writings@hotmail.com