Date: Mon, 23 Oct 2000 01:50:18 EDT
From: Dara Lynn <daralynn_writings@hotmail.com>
Subject: Boy bands/ Interludes/ Trust

This is part of the "Interludes" series.  These stories take place, in no
particular order, between the first two stories of my "Any Path" trilogy -
"Any Path" and "No Painless Way".  You need not have read them to read the
"Interludes", but it might help you understand and appreciate them more.  If
you're interested, go here:
nifty/gay/celebrity/boy-bands/any-path

Besides these :), you should read "A Tale of Two Boybands", "Nsync: Lance n
JC", "Little White Lies", "Devotion", "Tearin Up My Ass", "Dirty Mind Games"
and a bunch more my tired brain can't remember.
And please tell the writers to write more!!!  Including the author of "By My
Side"!  She thinks I've forgotten!  I haven't forgotten!!  Bwa ha ha ha!!!!
:)
Pardon me, waaaaaay overtired. :)

DISCLAIMER:  Don't know or own 'Nsync, don't know if any of 'em are gay.
But since they're sweet, talented and gorgeous, factoring in the unfairness
of life...it's possible, I guess. :)

Keeping in the tradition of dedicating each "Interlude" to someone, this
one's for Wen, for putting up with me, inspiring me and just being so darned
wonderful. :)


~INTERLUDE : TRUST~   1/1         by DaraLynn


"If I said that you're my friend
And our love would never end
How long before I had your trust again..."
              - from "Locomotive", by Guns N' Roses



     Justin groaned.  "Josh, when did you get so heavy?" he comlained.
     "Ya need some help there, Curly?"
     "Thanks, Chris, but I got him."
     The five members of 'Nsync shuffled slowly down the hall toward their
hotel rooms, with J.C. leaning heavily on his best friend.  Justin looked at
him with concern as he held his bandmate up, and addressed the others.
     "Guys, what's *wrong* with him?  He never drinks much and tonight he
suddenly decides to get totally wrecked.  Josh *knows* he can't handle that
much."
     Joey, typically, tried to lighten the atmosphere.
     "You'd think, for a toothpick like Big Daddy, it wouldn't take more
than a Jell-O shot to knock him out."
     Lance rolled his light green eyes.  "Joey, must you bring Jell-O into
*every* conversation?"
     He turned his attention to Justin.
     "Was J.C. upset earlier?  You were with him at the club, right?"
     Justin nodded, the sad blue eyes illuminating his face.
     "Yeah, we were hangin' and jokin' around, then I left for a little
while to dance with a couple of girls.  When I came back he was already
plastered."
     Chris fished in his pocket for the room keys and began to unlock the
doors.
     "Did ya ask him what was wrong?"
     Justin frowned.  "I said, 'Josh, you're drunk.  Why?'  And he goes,
'Drunk?!  That, young man, is an ugly rumor, spread by people I've tripped
over.'"
     The other three 'Nsyncers managed to almost completely hold back their
laughter.  At the sound of giggling, J.C. suddenly seemed to perk up.
     "Huh?  Whatcha laughin' at, guys?"
     Justin sighed.  "Nothing, Josh.  Are you okay?"
     J.C. smiled his usual doofy grin.  Standing up straighter, he pulled
Justin closer and hugged him.
     "Aw, Curly, I'm *always* okay when you're around!"
     Chris seemed nervous.
     "Um, Just, you gonna be all right in there with him?"
     Joey and Lance were relieved that the question was asked, and that they
hadn't had to pose it.  All of 'Nsync knew that J.C. was gay, and that he
was in love with Justin.  Despite the youngest singer being straight, he and
J.C. remained best friends, a relationship they'd had for five years.
     Justin dealt with J.C.'s feelings for him very well, even though that
aspect of their friendship sometimes made things awkward.  But he was
sensitive about it, because deep down he felt guilty that he couldn't return
that love.
     "What the hell is *that* supposed to mean, Chris?!" Justin snapped,
still holding up the barely-conscious J.C.
     Lance, of all of them the most diplomatic, tried to intercede.
     "Justin, Chris didn't mean to imply that we don't trust J.C. with you -
we *do*.  But he's pretty far gone right now and maybe we shouldn't take the
chance that he might do something he'll later regret."
     Justin stared at the angrily.
     "I can't *believe* you guys!  I know Josh better than any of you and he
would *not* try anything with me!  Damn, if *this* is how much you think of
Josh then you don't deserve to be his friends!"
     Ignoring their protests and explanations, Justin dragged J.C. into
their room and slammed the door.
     Joey spoke hesitantly.  "Um, guys, he has a point.  C would sooner cut
off his own head than touch Justin if he didn't want to be touched.  Maybe
we're just paranoid."
     "Protective," Chris corrected.  "There's a difference."
     Lance sighed.  "We'd better let Justin cool off...you know how he is
when he gets mad.  How 'bout this - we'll sleep in shifts so someone's
always awake, just in case."
     The others agreed.
     "I'll go first," Joey offered.  "I'm not tired anyways."
     Lance smiled.  "Okay.  But come in and wake one of us up if you get
sleepy, 'kay?"
     Joey playfully mussed Lance's blond spikes.
     "Sure thing, Poo-Fu.  'Night, guys."
     "G'night."
     "Good night.  And don't call me Poo-Fu."
     Joey grinned cheerfully.
     "Hey, if the dog costume fits, wear it...oh my God, *Lance* is giving
me the finger!  Somebody get a camera, quick!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------

     Inside the dim hotel room, Justin unloaded his best friend onto one of
the beds, and pulled off J.C.'s shoes.  As he undid the belt and slipped off
J.C.'s pants, leaving him in boxers and a T-shirt, the twenty-one-year-old
became more alert.
     "Justin?  What's goin' on?"
     The curly-haired blond was removing his own sneakers.
     "You got drunk, Josh.  Go to sleep."
     "Could you sleep in here with me, Just?  I don't wanna be alone..."
     Justin smiled a little.  Now only in boxers and a wife-beater, he lay
down next to J.C., who threw an arm around him.  The seventeen-year-old shut
his eyes tiredly as he was pulled closer, his back pressed against J.C.'s
chest.
     J.C. rested his chin on Justin's shoulder.
     "I'm sorry I got drunk, Curly.  Please don't be mad."
     "I'm not, Josh, I was *scared*.  I'm worried about you."  Warm tears
began to slide down Justin's cheeks.
     "Oh, baby..."  J.C. hugged him tighter.  "I'm okay, really.  Don't cry,
it makes my heart ache to see you cry..."
     J.C.'s hand moved up to Justin's face and began to wipe the salty water
away.  Justin giggled a little at this gesture, and his eyes began to dry.
     "Josh, what upset you so much tonight?  Won't you tell me?  Maybe I can
help."
     "Just, you *can't* help me with this one...I've gotta deal with it on
my own."
     "I hate to see you sad," Justin whimpered, beginning to cry again.
     "Sssh, it's okay baby..."
     J.C.'s hand began to gently rub Justin's stomach over the wife-beater.
The blond relaxed into the touch, closing his eyes again.
     This kind of contact with J.C. didn't bother him.  Were any other guy
doing this, Justin would have been very uncomfortable.  But, he supposed,
his friendship with Josh was unique.  J.C. was the type of guy who liked to
show his affection physically, with everyone.  He was forever hugging and
putting his arm around the other 'Nsyncers and the fans.  Justin didn't know
many guys who were so touchy-feely, but he figured it maybe had something to
do with J.C. being gay - he must be more in touch with his emotions.
     J.C. used to often ask his younger best friend if physical contact with
him bothered Justin, as he didn't want to freak him out, but Justin actually
liked being touched by J.C.  It was all innocent - J.C. hugged him, held him
like this or occasionally on his lap, kissed Justin on the cheek or on top
of his head, held his hand, that sort of thing - but Justin knew how much
J.C. loved it, and suspected that he himself got just as much out of it.
     The hectic, strange lives that the best friends led were often
frightening and lonely, and they depended on eachother for the honest love
that existed between them.  For J.C., this sort of non-sexual touching was
the most he could have from the keeper of his heart, and a way to show
Justin how loved he was.  For Justin, affection from J.C. was like affection
from his mother - it relaxed him and made him feel safe.
     "I love you, Justin," J.C. whispered into his ear.
     Justin smiled.
     "I love you too, Josh," he murmured sleepily.
     J.C. placed a soft kiss on Justin's cheek, and another on the luminous
golden curls.  His hand continued to rub the younger boy's stomach, then
slowly crept under the thin white fabric to caress the warm skin.  It
continued in a circular pattern for a few moments before venturing upward to
touch the hairless chest.
     Justin's eyes flew open and began to widen as he felt a bulge in J.C.'s
boxers pressing into his butt.
     "J-Josh?"  His voice was barely above a whisper.
     "Mmmmmm..."
     J.C. moaned as his hands continued to play over the flawless skin.  He
nuzzled his face into Justin's hair before his lips moved down to kiss the
neck.
     Justin felt himself become flushed with confusion, panic, and the
realization of how...good...all this felt.
     "Josh, what are you doing?"
     "It's okay baby..."
     J.C. began to grind against Justin, sensually rubbing and thrusting his
growing member against his younger friend's behind.  His hands travelled
faster over the boy's stomach, and J.C. continued to press his lips on
Justin's neck.
     "God, you feel so good baby..."
     "Josh, please stop, I don't want this."
     J.C. didn't seem to hear him as he continued to play with the beautiful
body he held.
     "JOSH, STOP!!!"
     J.C. jerked, and his eyes flew open at the sudden noise.  Justin freed
himself from the strong arms wrapped around him, and leaped out of the bed.
He backed away until he hit the wall, then simply stood there, shocked by
what had just happened.
     J.C. stared at his best friend with confusion, and suddenly he realized
what he had just done to Justin.  The thought was enough to sober him up a
little, and horror spread across his face.
     "Oh my God...Justin?"
     The door opened and Joey rushed in.
     "What the fuck is going on here?!  J.C., what the hell did you do?!"
     Joey's anger softened a little when he saw the pain in his older
friend's face.  Lance came up behind him.
     "What's going on?  Justin?"
     Joey spoke, his voice low.  "Lance, is Chris asleep?"
     "Yeah."
     "Good.  Take Justin to my room and stay with him.  I wanna talk to
J.C."
     J.C. watched, frozen, as the bass singer took Justin's arm and led him
out.  The youngest 'Nsyncer was crying a little, but more than anything else
he seemed confused.
     As the door closed J.C.'s shock seemed to fade, and he broke down into
hysterical sobbing, tears flowing unceasingly from the pale blue eyes.  An
intense disgust for himself swept through J.C., and he began to beat at his
shaking body with clenched fists.  Joey grabbed his friend's wrists and held
them so J.C. wouldn't hurt himself.  It was almost half an hour before he
was calm enough to speak.
     "C?  What happened?"
     The haunted blue eyes glowed with guilt.
     "Joey, I didn't mean...I saw what I was doing but I couldn't *stop*!"
he sobbed.  "God, Joe, I'd rather die than let anything happen to Justin..."
     Joey put his hands on J.C.'s shoulders, trying to steady him.
     "I know, C, we all know that.  Now tell me what happened, okay?"
     J.C. stared downward, unable to hold his head up as he remembered.
     "You know that, sometimes, especially if one of us is upset, Justin and
I sleep in the same bed."
     "Uh-huh.  Was that why tonight - 'cause you were upset?"
     "Joey, sometimes everything just suddenly hits me...the hopelessness
about my feelings for Justin.  Tonight, when I saw him dancing with those
girls...I guess I kinda snapped.  I started ordering drinks and the pain
began to go away.  God, I am *never* getting drunk again, I *swear*."
     Joey nodded with relief.  "And what happened in here?"
     The sobs began again, and it was a few minutes before J.C. could
answer.
     "I was holding him.  He was crying a little...he was worried about
*me*."  J.C.'s voice sounded bitter; at the moment he didn't think he
deserved anything, even concern.
     "So I was rubbing Justin's stomach like I do when he's upset and...I
don't know what happened.  Between the alcohol and my own stupid desire, I
couldn't stop.  I thought I had fallen asleep and was dreaming...I didn't
know I was awake until he yelled and pulled away from me.
     "I put my hand under his wife-beater, and all I could think about was
how beautiful he is, and how good he felt, and how much I wanted him.  I was
getting so hard, and I started grinding against him.  Shit, Joey, if he
hadn't stopped me I might've *raped* him.  I might've raped Justin."
     J.C. slumped further where he sat, sobs wracking his body.  Joey lifted
his face, which was soaked with tears.
     "I do *not* believe that, C.  Look, you never get drunk, so you've got
no tolerance for alcohol.  You didn't know what you were doing.  But you
would *not* have raped Justin.  You would've stopped yourself in time."
     J.C. gazed at him tearfully; he looked like a lost child standing in
the rain.
     "Are you sure, Joe?"
     "Yes.  You made a mistake, C.  Mistakes can be fixed.  A blowtorch
couldn't separate you and Justin - this isn't gonna."
     "Joe, how can I trust myself around him now?  Why should he trust
*me*?"
     "Josh, this would never have happened to you sober, so stay that way.
And think about this...you trust very few people with Justin.  You can't
afford to lose any, or the kid'll end up locked in a tower like a
pelvic-thrustin' Rapunzel."
     J.C. smiled a little.
     "And Justin *adores* you.  He'll forgive you this.  But you have to
forgive yourself for that to matter."
     "How *can* I?  I just felt up my best friend, the most precious thing
in the world to me."
     Joey thought for a moment.
     "What would you do to anyone else who did that to Justin?"
     "Kill them."
     "I mean assuming we could drag you off in the hopes of avoiding
homicide."
     "Beat them up, at least."
     "Right.  And you're doing that to yourself now, C.  Enough.  You messed
up.  It's over.  Justin's okay, but he once told me that the worst feeling
in the world for him is knowing that you're upset.  So for Justin's sake,
get happy."
     J.C. smiled again.
     "Justin said that?"
     "Yup."
     "God, I love him."
     J.C.'s eyes were clearing; he didn't seem drunk at all.
     "Did I ever tell you about how Justin and I met?"
     Joey shook his head.  He'd heard this story at least ten times.
     "A few days before rehearsals for the new season of 'MMC' began, the
new Mouseketeers were brought in to meet all us old ones.  I was hangin'
with Tony and Dale, and all of a sudden I looked up and there he was,
talking to one of the others.  I didn't know what made me do it, but I left
my friends when Tony was in mid-sentence.  I went over to Justin and
introduced myself, and the moment he said his name it became engraved on my
heart.  I didn't think I was in love then - it would've been bizarre, a
sixteen-year-old falling in love with a twelve-year-old - but I looked at
this adorable little boy and knew that he belonged with me somehow.
     "All these meetings and introductions and even a few skits were done
that day in front of a small studio audience, but I didn't even notice them.
  All I saw was Justin, and how much I wanted to know him.  Man, I don't
even know which Mouseketeer he was talking to when I met him."
     "Lindsey."
     Joey and J.C. both jumped at the sound of another voice.  Justin was
standing in the open doorway, Lance close behind him.
     The older of the two blonds spoke quickly.
     "Joey, he wants to talk to J.C. alone.  Is that cool?"
     "Yeah."
     Joey smiled encouragingly at J.C. before getting off the bed.  He
looked carefully at Justin, making sure the boy was okay before leaving the
room with Lance.
     Justin sat down in front of J.C.  The older man looked away.
     "Josh, please look at me."
     He couldn't refuse that sweet voice.
     "Josh, it's okay."
     J.C. gaped at him.
     "Just, it's *not* okay.  I took advantage of you.  You trusted me and I
took advantage of you.  You should hate me."
     Tears glittered in Justin's blue eyes.
     "Hate *you*?  You're my best friend.  I could never hate you.  Josh,
you made a mistake, did something you never under normal circumstances would
have done, and I forgive you.  I don't lie to you, you *know* that.  I
forgive you.  I'm not mad."
     "Then why are you crying?"
     "Because.  Look at you.  You're afraid to touch me."
     "No I'm not."
     "Then why're you sitting so far away from me?  Why did you just reach
for me and then back off?"
     Justin wiped his eyes roughly.
     "You've never let me cry alone before."
     J.C. sighed painfully.  Unable to sit there and let his angel weep by
himself, he carefully moved forward and took Justin into his arms.  He
thanked God for the way Justin still snuggled against him, still clung to
him so tightly.
     "I still love you, Josh."
     "I'll *always* love you, Justin."
     J.C. gently rocked back and forth until the body he cradled was still,
and Justin's breathing was regular.  Slowly he stood, lifting the boy up,
and tucked Justin into his bed.  He touched the beautiful, peaceful face for
a moment before withdrawing.
     "Oh, angel," the older man whispered, "I'm not worthy of something as
perfect as you.  But even so, I'd give anything to know that you trust me
again."
     J.C. climbed into his own bed and began to drift off.  Just before
sleep came upon him completely, he felt a sudden warmth behind him, and
fingers intertwined with his.  Justin's voice, his favorite sound, whispered
softly in J.C.'s ear.
     "I *do* trust you, Josh."

                       ~FIN~

Questions, comments, anything but flames are welcome
at DaraLynn_writings@hotmail.com