Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 17:43:49 -0800 (PST)
From: Iconis <Iconis@gay.com>
Subject: Irresponsible: Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't know any of the people in this piece of FICTION. I
don't mean to imply anything about anyone, not about their sexuality,
character, haircolor... and so on.

Well, first story (or a beginning of a story) I've ever posted anywhere. Be
kind. A word of warning: this is probably going to develop kind of slowly.
I'll do my best. Feedback is desperately needed. Iconis@gay.com


			       Irresponsible


Chapter 1

	I had been running as fast I could for an hour and half when my
body finally collapsed. I didn't pass out - heaven forbid the world having
so much mercy on me. I just found myself lying on the grass staring at the
dark blue sky. There weren't any stars on the sky - well, technically there
was, but I couldn't see any of them. The bright lights of the city made the
stars disappear.
	My breath was visible, and my back was starting to ache from the
cold that the ground exuded. I was surprised first snow hadn't fallen,
yet. It was late November and the weather gods had graced us with ice cold
water earlier today. But no snow. Disappointing really.
  	My heart rate started to settle and my breath came less frantically
than before. It wasn't the first time I'd done this, changing my clothes as
fast I could after the concert, not really listening to anyone. I'd just
slip out and start to run. I knew it wasn't smart - running around in a
strange city, alone. I knew the management and the security people didn't
appreciate me doing this but I couldn't care less about them. These small
moments by myself kept me sane.
   	For a small moment I'd allow myself to forget everything, my life
and who I was, who people believed I was. What people expected of me, what
I expected of me. I just concentrated on running, feeling the blood course
through my veins, feeling alive. I needed to remember that. As much as I
loved my work, it sometimes made me forget all the important things. I'd
start taking life for granted, started to believe that the world owed me
something, when the truth was something totally opposite.
   	I slowly raised myself from the ground, the cold finally getting to
me. I had no idea where I was. All I knew that I was somewhere in Chicago.
Looking around in the empty clearing of the park I took a bearing which I
thought might get me out of the park fastest. Crossing my fingers I started
walk in the random direction that I had chosen.
  	I groaned out loud to myself when I realized I didn't have any
money with me. That meant that again, I would have to make an embarrassing
phone call to Lonnie when I got out of the park. I would have to beg,
plead, grovel and listen to his rants about me being irresponsible and how
I should've thought about this before I took off without any cash with me
and then hear him give up with a defeated grunt. As if he'd let me find my
way back to the hotel by myself.
   	It took Lonnie twenty long and windy minutes to get me after I
called him. I had to beg, plead and grovel. Finally, he relented. I had
given him as an accurate location as I could. And still, I had to listen
him bitch and moan at me the whole ride back to the hotel. If it had been
anyone else I just would have laughed and told them to fuck off, but I
couldn't do that with Lonnie. He would have thrown my sorry ass back on the
street, cussed at me and left me walking for a few minutes before picking
me up again.
	"Learned your lesson, Chasez?" he'd smirk and then pat me on the
back.
   	I was smarter this time and just listened him complain, saying
"sorry" and "I'll know better next time" at the appropriate moments. The
ride took forever and I was ever grateful when Lon parked the car on an
underground parking lot and went quiet.
	"I know you need to vent out sometimes, Chasez. Just please,
please, try to find a safer way to do that," he said and get of the car.
	"I'm sorry, Lonnie. I just... You know... I'm sorry, okay?" I said
with all the integrity I could muster. Lonnie turned to look at me. A grin
broke on Lonnie's face.
	"You're so full of shit, Chasez."


	I walked out of the elevator and took a turn left. Third door on
the right, my home for the night. Better this than the bus. I'd been lucky
to get the room to myself. Well, lucky was a relative term. I rather
enjoyed sharing a room with any of the guys. Joey's snoring, Justin's heavy
breathing, Chris's little animal sounds and Lance's low incoherent
mumbling, all that made me feel less lonely on those rare nights when I
couldn't sleep.
   	I slipped the keycard into the slot and opened the door, only to be
surprised by the lights. I walked in carefully and wondered who was in my
room. It would have been obvious, if I had been in my right mind. I took a
few steps and saw Lance on the floor with a pile of paper in front of him,
reading something. He obviously didn't hear me coming in. I stood there a
while, watching him. He was engrossed in his work, occasionally scribbling
something on the margins.
	After a few moments I cleared my throat to get his attention. No
response. I coughed again. Nothing. I was ready to get worried. Lance
totally overdid it sometimes - he worked himself into frenzy and when
someone finally dragged him away from his papers and told him to go sleep,
he'd toss and turn all night making it impossible to sleep in the same room
with him.
	"Lance?" I said carefully. You should've seen him jump - it might
have been funny if I wasn't scared about him starting to scream.
	"Jayce, damn it! You scared the living hell out of me!" he
half-yelled.
	"Sorry, man. Didn't mean to. You were so deep in thought I thought
I'd have to jump you for you to notice me," I apologized.
	"It's okay. Man, I didn't know what hit me," he laughed after a few
deep breaths.
	"You should've seen yourself jump. Hey, put those damn papers away,
Bass," I warned him when I noticed his gaze started to shift back to the
papers, "none of that anymore. You look tired as hell and you've been up
since six am... meaning you've been up over 20 hours."
	 He looked up from his papers.
	"But it's FreeLance stuff... It needs to be done and..." Lance
started.
	"No, Lance. You can do it tomorrow on the bus. Put those papers
away. Now come on, get to bed," I said in my best fatherly tone and turned
to walk into the bedroom.
	I stopped dead in my tracks after a few steps and turned back to
Lance.
	"Wait a minute. What are you exactly doing in my room? You were
supposed to share with Justin tonight," I asked eyeing him suspiciously.
	"You know Justin can't sleep with the light on and the door
wouldn't close properly so I told him that I'd go into your room that he
could get his sleep," Lance smiled sheepishly.
	"So you thought I wouldn't mind if you worked all night? Lance, you
know better than that."
	"Yeah, yeah, I know. But I knew you were out running again so I
just thought..." Lance explained.
	"Well, you thought wrong. Get your ass in bed."


      After showering, changing and brushing my teeth I walked into the
dark bedroom. Thinking Lance was already asleep on the other bed I tried
move as quiet as possible. Suddenly the lights clicked on.
	"Don't sneak on my account. It's gonna take awhile before I sleep,"
Lance said laying back down on the bed.
	"Oh, no, Lance. Have you worked too much again? You need to sleep
or you're going to get sick again," I said feeling the concern rise up in
me.
	"I know, Josh, I know. I just have so much to do and plan that it
takes away my sleeping time. But hey, you sleep so much it's bound to help
me, too," the smart ass grinned.
	"Haha, very funny, Bass. I'm serious, though. You need to sleep
more. I worry about you, Lance."
	"As I said, I know. And you worry about everyone, Josh."
	"Not as much as I worry about you, Lance. I was there when you were
sick, Lance, remember? I don't want you to go through that ever again. I
don't want to go through it again," I said quietly.
	I laid myself in bed, snuggling under the covers. Lance turned the
lights off.
	"Josh?"
	"Yeah?"
	"Thank you for caring. I know I need to take care of myself
more. But now, when we're on the subject... You need to stop this little
running game you've got going on."
	"Why, Lance? It's the only fucking chance in this world when I get
time just for myself."
	"I totally understand that, Jayce. But you get us all worried."
	"You don't need to worry. You're not a part of the security team or
even management, even if you'd to think that way," I smirked.
	"Fuck you, Chasez. You get me worried because you're family, Josh,"
Lance smiled then sounded serious again. "I'm scared what could happen to
you on these little escapades of yours. You might injure yourself, get
mugged, raped, kidnapped. Anything could happen," Lance continued quietly.
	"I know, Lance. I already promised Lonnie I'd find a better way to
vent my frustrations."
      "Thank you, Josh. I don't want to lose you," he said gratefully, even
though he knew this was definately not the end of it.