Date: Thu, 22 Jun 2000 21:19:00 EDT
From: Bangoremail@aol.com
Subject: Jamie's Romance - Ch 9

Greetings everyone,

Here's Chapter Nine.

As always a big thanks to anyone who has emailed me about the story.  And
if you haven't emailed me and still enjoyed the story that's great too!
Thanks : )

I'd like some input from anyone on Chapter 8.  I think I worked off of it
so that the end made sense but I wasn't completely happy with the way it
came out.  Again that danger of letting the story write itself.  But I can
live and work with it.  This chapter may be confusing, as it will jump
around in time.  Hang with it, it will make sense eventually... I hope.
::smirk::

This story is purely fiction and is not intended to imply anything about
the true sexuality of `N Sync or anyone associated with their organization.
It is meant for those over the age of 18 only and those who wish to read
stories with sexual content.


*****

Jamie's Romance - Chapter 9


Jamie sat on the small stage lightly strumming the strings on his guitar.
`A good crowd tonight,' he thought as he tuned with the piano.  He nodded
to the other members of the combo and they started the set.  He had been
coming to the open mike at the club for a couple of weeks now and although
it didn't pay except for a meal, it was ok with him.  It got him out and
playing in a relaxed, no stress atmosphere.  He had chosen the songs that
afternoon and was glad on his picks because they suited his mood perfectly.

He had been in New York barely a month and was already making the
beginnings of a comfortable career.  He was living in a nice two-bedroom
walk-up in Greenwich Village thanks to his brother.

Dan was 4 years older, a corporate trainer and was hardly ever in town.  He
wasn't gay but knew that Jamie was and had chosen the Village because it
was `trendy'.  That was his brother, always into image.  He insisted Jamie
live there rent-free because something about Jamie being the starving,
struggling artist tickled him plus he like having someone there to look
after the place when he was gone.  They had always been close but first one
then the other going to college had separated them.  Now they were getting
to know each other again.

Jamie's contacts in Boston had introduced him around and he found that he
now had a good handful of students, mostly high school age and the
occasional band gig here and there.  He had also been getting some studio
work, not steady, but enough to pay the bills.  He had been accepted into
the masters program at the Manhattan School and was considering starting
there in September.  Life was good, or most people would have thought so.

Other than playing he didn't go out much except for the occasional show
with his brother.  Even his birthday was celebrated with a quick dinner at
the corner deli and a movie at home.  That memory brought up another.  He
got the usual batch of cards from his friends and family.  His friends from
the college band sent him a group card that they all signed that made Jamie
smile.

Then there was the surprise card from `N Sync.  At first he couldn't
believe that they even knew when his birthday was but he remembered telling
Justin because his was only a couple of weeks later.  They all had signed
it with comments and good wishes except Justin.  Jamie had looked at
Justin's plain signature sadly.  He put the card back in the envelope and
opened the next envelope.  Inside was a folded up note.  The memory of the
note put a lump in his throat and, although he tried to not remember, the
words came into his head anyway.


	"Jamie,

	Happy Birthday!  I hope things in New York are going good for you.
We'll
	be there later in the month and we all want to see you, but I want
to the most.
	Please can't we do something together, even if it's just to talk?
I'll understand
	if you can't.  But I miss you.

	The guys all say What Up!!?  Please keep in touch.  Call if you
wan...  please.

	You know the number.

	Always,
	Justin

	PS: And in case you're wondering JC got your address from Zack."


Jamie came back to the present as the song ended and another began,
`Georgia on My Mind,' one of his favorites.  The sax player took the lead,
which was fine with him, as he strummed the changes.  He was still battling
with the depression and self-doubt from what he lightly called `the
incident' and was slowly and surely winning but it had been a long hard
road.  He had fearfully told his family after Thanksgiving dinner and found
only concern and love.  His heart still ached for that brief moment of
happiness from last fall.


------ 2 Months Earlier ------ When the dance ended everyone was on a high.
Justin sang a few more songs during the band's last set and the
arrangements of the `N Sync numbers went very well.  Jamie was floating on
air.  Every so often Justin would glance his way and wink and smile at him.

After the dance `N Sync hosted a party at the hotel suite.  Everyone was
having a good time eating and drinking.  Jamie had only a couple of Cider
Jacks not wanting to get beyond slightly buzzed.  Every so often he would
check in with Justin to see what he was doing.  Justin would smile at him
and rub his shoulder until Jamie moved on.  Jamie's doubts and fears were
growing by the hour and it seemed that nothing Justin would do could keep
them away.

At one point he went to get a glass of water in the kitchen and walked in
on Lance and JC having a serious conversation.  They stopped as he entered
and greeted him with smiles and hugs.  He excused himself quickly and heard
them start talking again as soon has he left.  `Wonder what's up there?' He
thought to himself not thinking any more of it.  He was worn out from the
concert and a lack of sleep, went into the main room and sat on one of the
couches.



Jamie thought back to the night before.  He had tried to sleep on the sofa
not wanting to push things with Justin, especially with all the others
there with them.  After tossing and turning for awhile he got up and went
to the kitchen for a drink.

He got some juice and leaned against the counter.  He stood thinking for
several minutes when Justin walked in rubbing sleep from his eyes.  Jamie
smiled inside thinking how cute he looked in just his boxer shorts, his
eyes half closed and hair messy from his pillow.

"There you are, you ok?" Justin asked in a groggy voice.

"I'm fine, couldn't sleep.  What are you doing up?"

"Dunno, just woke up with a feeling something wasn't right.  You wanna come
back in with me?"

Jamie hesitated, torn between wanting to and wanting to be alone.  Justin
didn't notice his hesitation and indecision through the fog of sleep and
patiently waited for him.  Finally Jamie reached over and took Justin's
hand and led him back to the bedroom.  They got into bed lying close
together.  Justin was immediately sound asleep, snoring softly.  Jamie
watched him, admiring how peaceful he looked.  He snuggled into Justin's
shoulder and finally drifted off.



Jamie was brought back to the present when Justin sat beside him on the
couch.  The party seemed to be slowing down a little and the crowd in the
suite had thinned out quite a bit.  Justin smiled at Jamie and took his
hand and held it gently.

"You seemed a little lost inside yourself there," he said good-naturedly.
"Something bothering you?"  Justin's thumb gently started rubbing the back
of Jamie's hand.

Thousands of thoughts were flying through Jamie's head.  Nobody, certainly
not Rocky, had ever been as gentle and caring with him as Justin was.  He
closed his eyes and leaned his head back before answering.  "Not really.
I'm a little overwhelmed, this has been a lot to deal with."

Justin nodded staying silent.

"I'm so tired, Justin," he said as he leaned into Justin's shoulder.
Justin pulled Jamie down so his head was resting in his lap.

"You just relax and try not to think too much."  Justin comforted Jamie the
best he could and stroked the soft hair above Jamie's ear with his
fingertips.

Jamie sighed deeply eased slightly by Justin.  "Justin, what about after
tomorrow?" he asked.

"Remember, we promised we wouldn't think about that until tomorrow.  We'll
talk then, ok?"

"Ok."

They stayed that way for a long time.  Everyone gave them their space
commenting among themselves how nice they looked together.

It was an hour or so later when Jamie woke from where he had been dozing in
Justin's lap.  Justin was breathing slowly and deeply above him, his head
snuggled into the back of the couch.  Jamie carefully got out of his lap
not waking him.  He went to the bathroom to relieve himself and walked
through the suite.  A couple of his friends had fallen asleep, or more
rightly passed out, on one of the other couches.

He heard some noise from one of the bedrooms and went to check it out.
Through the half open door he saw Chris, Joey and a couple of the girls
from the band playing Twister.  Jamie smiled and shook his head and then
suddenly noticed that there were some clothes missing.  Blushing deeply he
backed away quietly.  `Strip Twister,' he marveled to himself, `always
thought that was just a bad joke.'

He went back to the couch and saw Justin laying down fast asleep.  Jamie
lay down next to him and snuggled into his back and fell into an uneasy
sleep his thoughts on tomorrow.

Their parting was a sad and emotional one.  Jamie knew he couldn't be
strong enough to be separated from Justin and keep the relationship going
but was helpless to make Justin understand.  He realized that Justin's love
had blinded him to Jamie's pain and that frightened him.

Jamie couldn't bring himself to go to the airport and clung to Zack on the
sidewalk outside the hotel.  One at a time the guys hugged Jamie before
they got into their limo.  Justin was last and the longest.  JC had to
almost bodily carry Justin to his seat so they could get going and not miss
the plane to Orlando.  As they pulled away Justin's head popped up from the
sun roof and he screamed "I'll miss you!" before he was pulled back down
and out of sight.


------ Back to the Present ------ The song ended and they started another.
Jamie was still lost in his memories.  The pain of that separation still
felt like a knife wound.


------ One Month Earlier ------ Jamie tried to convince himself that he and
Justin were over and that it could never be more than what they had shared.
He knew it was for the best and tried to move on but Justin wouldn't let
him.  He called often and sent cards and letters.  Jamie loved hearing his
voice but felt more and more alone after each call.

Jamie had gone to New York after Thanksgiving with his brother to see the
apartment and enjoy a brief rest before finals.  Justin and `NSync would be
in town for a day or two for an appearance at the Rockefeller Center tree
lighting.  Jamie needed to speak to Justin face to face very badly.  He
needed to settle this once and for all for his sanity and to spare Justin's
feelings.

Finally that night after the lighting they were in Justin's hotel room.
They hugged and held each other in silence.  Justin leaned his head and
gave Jamie a loving kiss.  Jamie wanted to return it but found he couldn't.
He pulled away with a huge sigh.

"Justin, what's wrong with me.  I want nothing more than to kiss you and
have you hold me," Jamie gulped and added, "to make love to me."

Justin took one of Jamie's hands in both of his own, pulled it up and
kissed the back of it.  "Jamie, I know that you're still having a hard time
adjusting after..."  He couldn't say the words out loud.

Jamie finished it for him, "...after Rocky."  He moaned at the name and
pulled Justin's hands to him and cradled his head on them.

"Shhhh, don't be scared, I will never let anything happen to you," he
soothed Jamie as he stroked the side of his head.  "Jamie, I think I..."
He stopped and shook his head.  "No, I know it for real.  I love you.  We
both know that it's gonna take some time and lots of work but I'm here for
you.  I can't... I won't let you go."

Jamie lifted his head and looked into Justin's crystal blue eyes.  He felt
himself getting lost in them, drowning in them and also finding himself
there as well.  It terrified him.

"Justin, there's nothing I want more," tears started running down Jamie's
face, "but I can't."

Justin looked confused.  "But..." He began before Jamie cut him off.

Jamie stalled Justin's protests by not stopping the words from coming.  He
knew if he didn't say it all now he never would.  He had to force himself
to look Justin straight in the eyes.  What he knew he had to say added with
Justin's silent tears were tearing his heart apart.

"This just isn't going to work.  We both need something we can't give each
other.  We've been dating for almost a month now and this is the first time
I've seen you since the dance."

"Sure, you've called me almost every day, which I really appreciate,
Justin.  I knew we wouldn't see each other much.  But what happens when
you're on tour or out of the country?  I don't see where I fit in.  Where
-we- fit in."

They sat silently looking at each other for a moment before Jamie broke
from Justin's gaze and stood.  "Maybe if our lives weren't so fucked up it
would be different."

Justin sat dumfounded.  Tears were streaming down his face while his mouth
worked silently trying to say something, anything to keep Jamie from
leaving.  He reached out to Jamie's back as he headed to the door.

"Jamie..." He croaked in a hoarse voice.

Jamie opened the door and looked back at Justin and his heart broke apart
completely.  Sobbing uncontrollably he kissed his fingertips and blew it to
Justin.  "I will always remember you. Goodbye, Justin."  He turned and ran
from the room.

Justin collapsed to the floor, his arm still reaching out for Jamie.  His
body shook with his sobs.

JC was coming out of his room when he saw Jamie running down the hall to
the elevator.

"Jamie, what's wrong? Jamie!" he called.  Jamie kept going ignoring JC.  He
passed the elevator and pushed through the door into the stairwell and was
gone.


------ Back to the Present ------ Jamie shed a single silent tear.  He was
so lost in the music and his memories that he didn't notice four figures
enter the club and sit in the back near a shadowy corner.

Before they started the last song of the set Jamie spoke to the audience.

"We'd like to thank you for listening to us tonight.  This is the last song
before we break for a bit.  I hope you like it."

Jamie started to sing the slightly out of tempo intro into the mic.

	"Old man sunshine listen you,
	Never tell me 'Dreams come true'
	Just try it, and I'll start a riot

	Beatrice Fairfax don't you dare,
	Ever tell me he will care
	I'm certain, it's the final curtain.

	I never want to hear from any cheerful Pollyannas
	Who tell you fate supplies a mate, it's all bananas."

The combo struck up the slow swing rhythm of the song as Jamie continued
into the main verse.

	"They're writing songs of love, but not for me
	A lucky star's above, but not for me

	With love to lead the way,
	I've found more clouds of gray,
	Than any Russian play could guarantee.

	I was a fool to fall and get that way
	Heigh-ho! Alas! and also lack-a-day

	Although I can't dismiss,
	The memory of his kiss
	I guess he's not for me."

Jamie easily improvised over the changes.  He tried to empty some of the
intense feelings he was still having into his music.  It certainly worked
as there were many wet eyes in the audience.  They finished the bridge as
Jamie finished off the song.

	"I was a fool to fall and get that way
	Heigh-ho! Alas! and also lack-a-day

	Although I can't dismiss,
	The memory of his kiss"

Jamie held the note and the word kiss, paused then slowly sang the last
line, strumming the chords.

	"I guess he's not for me."


The applause started instantly after the last chord died away.  Jamie
smiled at the audience and made his way to the bar.

"Good job, kid, you're really on tonight," Chip the bartender complimented
him.  "You want your dinner now?"

"In a second, thanks, I need to use the restroom."

Chip nodded as Jamie headed to the bathrooms.  Jamie didn't notice one of
the figures make his way to the bar and have a few words with Chip.  Chip
gestured his approval and Justin stepped into the lights of the stage.  He
talked with the piano player briefly as they started a song.  His voice
clear and strong carried out over the room.

	"I'm a sentimental sap that's all,
	What's the use in trying not to fall?
	I have no will, you've made your kill
	And you took advantage of me!"

Jamie finished as the song started.  He heard the muffled voice and thought
it sounded pretty good.  He washed his hands as the song continued humming
along with the stage.

	"I'm just like an apple on the bough
	And you're gonna shake me down somehow
	So, what's the use, you've cooked my goose
	'Cause you took advantage of me!

	I'm so hot and bothered that I don't know my elbow from my ear.
	I suffer something awful each time you go and much worse when
you're near.

	Here I am with all my bridges burned
	Just a babe in arms where you're concerned
	So lock the doors and call me yours
	'Cause you took advantage of me!"

The sax player took the solo to give Justin a rest.  The bridge came and
Justin jumped right in.

	"I'm so hot and bothered that I don't know my elbow from my ear.
	I suffer something awful each time you go and much worse when
you're near."

Jamie dried his hands and wiped his face and left the restroom.  He rounded
the corner and came face to face with Justin on stage only 3 feet away from
him.  He stopped in surprise and stood completely still as Justin finished
the song, singing directly to him.

	"Here I am with all my bridges burned
	Just a babe in arms where you're concerned
	So lock the doors and call me yours
	'Cause you took advantage of me!

	Ya, you took advantage of me,
	Oh, you took advantage of me."


The audience applauded the end of the song.  Justin nodded to them with a
smile then went to Jamie.

"Justin, what... how... I don't...."

Justin hushed Jamie with a smile.


tbc..........


Notes:
But Not For Me  -  George and Ira Gershwin,  1930
You Took Advantage of Me  -  Richard Rodgers/Lorenz Hart, 1928


There's the latest.  Comments and suggestions are always welcome!

Jim
bangoremail@aol.com