Date: Fri, 1 Aug 2003 23:42:05 -0700 (PDT)
From: Michael Bryan <mzbryan2003@yahoo.com>
Subject: JC and the Actor (Chapter 1)

JC and the Actor, Chapter 1, Copyright 2003
----------
The following story is entirely a work of fiction.  It is not meant to
imply anything about the sexuality or the personal lives of the members of
NSYNC, or any other celebrities mentioned.  If you are underage, or if it
is illegal to read sexually explicit gay material where you live, don't
read this.

As this is the first in a series, I would love to get your feedback.  Send
your comments or criticisms to me at mzbryan2003@yahoo.com

TRL is a trademark of the MTV Networks.
----------

Chapter 1

	By my twenty-sixth birthday, my life seemed to be going in the
exact direction I had hoped for.  I had been chosen to be in the original
cast of what promised to be one of the most controversial plays on Broadway
of the past ten years.  The buzz created by the play was extending to the
actors in it, and my agent was already fielding calls from the other coast.
My rising stock as an actor had afforded me the ability to move out of my
Lower East Side studio and into a much larger, sunny apartment in a
renovated townhouse on a beautiful tree-lined street in Chelsea.  I was
completely in love with my boyfriend of two years, who was medical
resident.  As an out actor, I had encountered little discrimination in my
profession.  While a gay stage actor was certainly nothing knew in New
York, the fact that I was a dramatic actor and not a song-and-dance man had
originally made me worry about the type of roles that I would be offered.
Happily, I had been able to play a great variety of characters, gay and
straight, since arriving in the city at the age of eighteen.  Yes,
personally, professionally, I couldn't have been happier.

	What a difference a day makes.

----------
	We had just finished what was to be our final rehearsal before
opening night tomorrow.  I ran to my dressing room and was trying to change
as quickly as possible so that I could get home for the birthday party my
friends were throwing for me.  I was in my boxer-briefs struggling to get
out of the impossibly tight t-shirt I was to wear in the final scene of the
play when there was a knock at my door.
	"Just a sec," I called out, finally getting the shirt off, and
hurriedly looking around for my own.
	"It's me Nat," my boyfriend Mark responded.
	"Oh, hey," I said, pulling open the door.  Mark stood in front of
me, a picture of loveliness, but he had a rather sober expression.  He
slightly smiled at me and stepped inside.  He walked over to the couch and
sat down.  Mark had seldom passed on an opportunity to grope me when I was
undressed, and he always at minimum kissed me upon greeting me, so I was
quickly sensing that something was wrong.  "What's the matter?" I asked,
not realizing that I was still standing by the door on the other side of
the room.
	"I have to tell you something," he said.  His blue eyes were flat
as he stared up at me.
	"Ok," I replied.  My heart had started beating fast and when I
looked down I could see the pulsing in my chest.  I was bracing myself to
hear that someone had died, or that he was dying, or that I was dying, I
just didn't know.
	He was silent for a moment, staring down at the carpet before
looking up into my own blue eyes, which I am sure had at this point lost
their sparkle as well.
	"I've been seeing someone."  The words hit me like a punch in the
gut.  I didn't know how to respond.  He continued, "I've been seeing him
for the past six months and we're going to move in together."  I couldn't
understand how this could be happening.  We both had busy careers and liked
our independence, but I was under the impression that we had been spending
all of our free time together.
	"So when I was moving and you told me that it was too soon for us
to live together, you really were just keeping your place so that you could
fuck this guy?"  I was surprised at how angry I was getting.  I was usually
really calm in a crisis, saving the dramatics for the stage.  I walked over
to the chair where my pants were located, and pulled them on.  I then
continued my search for my shirt.  "I can't fucking believe this," I said.
"It would be disgusting enough to find out that you've been cheating on me,
but this, conducting an entire relationship behind my back, what the, I
mean, how the fuck could you do this?"
	"It just happened," he replied.  "We were working together all the
time and I just found myself looking forward to seeing him everyday.  Then
once I started dating him I just didn't know what to do."  I was amazed at
how matter-of-factly he was saying all this, it was as if he wanted
sympathy or something.
	"Gee, well you could have broken up with me then, you know it may
have been in a little better taste then waiting until my birthday, the day
before I open on Broadway!"  I found my t-shirt and pulled it over my head.
"And telling me while I'm in my freakin' underwear was just beautiful!
Obviously you've learned nothing about setting a proper scene while we were
together!"
	He stood up and walked over to me.  "I had to tell you tonight," he
said.  "I couldn't stand there tomorrow night, applauding you as you take
your bow.  I don't deserve to share in that moment because my heart isn't
with you.  I just couldn't do that to you."
	"But you could cheat on me," I responded, becoming more quiet.
Mark looked up at me for what I knew would be the last time.
	"Happy birthday," he said.  I stood there frozen as Mark made his
way out of my dressing room, closing the door behind him.

----------
	Sitting on the subway, headed toward my apartment, I tried to piece
together the events that took place in my dressing room.  It was all a blur
and I couldn't be sure that it had even happened.  In less than a
half-hour, my boyfriend of two-years had left me for another man, after
confessing that he had been cheating on me for six months.  Now, to add
insult to injury, I had to show up at my birthday party and put on a happy
face in front of 20 of my closest friends.  I knew they had been preparing
stuff all day long and just felt it wouldn't be right to let them know what
had happened.
	Exiting at Twenty-third Street, I practiced making smiles as I
neared my apartment. I had confidence in my abilities as an actor and I
thought it was funny that my friends probably wouldn't realize that they
were witnessing the greatest performance of my life.  I took a deep breath
and opened the door.  The living room was dark.  I thought it was funny
that my friends were treating this as a surprise party even though they
discussed the party with me on a daily basis.  I switched on the lights,
expecting to see all my friends standing there, but the living room was
empty.  I was confused and relieved.  Had they forgotten somehow?  It
wasn't possible.  I walked to the bedroom, realizing that they must all be
in there, but found that room empty as well.  I looked at my bed, thinking
about the countless good times I had there with Mark.  I sighed, shut off
the light and walked to the kitchen (where I had also had some real good
times with Mark).  That's where they had to be. No one.  I was now totally
confused.  This morning my friend Erin had called me at the theater to tell
me how they were all busy cooking away at my apartment and decorating it.
There was no food, no decorations, and no people.  With the direction this
day had taken, I figured this fit in well.  I walked back to living room,
flipped the TV on, and went into the bathroom to pee.  Flipping on the
light I was greeted by an overwhelmingly loud "Happy Birthday!"
Twenty-plus people were stuffed into my not by any means large bathroom.
They lined the walls, filled the tub, and were on top of the cabinets and
toilet.  After almost jumping out of my skin, I couldn't help but start
laughing.  I instantly felt reconnected to the world.  I still had people
in my life, and it wasn't a lie to say that at that moment, I was happy.
	As everyone made their way out of my bathroom, Erin came over to me
laughing, explaining how she thought telling me about the party was
absolutely the best way to surprise me.  My front door opened and a few
more of my friends came in carrying trays of food and bottles of wine and
champagne.  A few more came in carrying some bags, and within minutes my
apartment was completely decorated, candles flickering, music playing,
people laughing.  I resisted the incredible temptation to start drinking
heavily, as I knew what was facing me tomorrow.  I made my way through the
crowd, happy to see that no one appeared to sense that something was wrong
with me.  It was only when I started talking with Morris that I knew my
façade would be revealed.
	Morris had been my best friend since coming to New York for
college.  He was a fellow actor, was straight, and was one of the first
people I had come out to.  It was his totally accepting reaction that I
think helped give me the strength to become totally open with who I was,
and I have always had complete respect for him ever since.
	We were chatting for about two minutes before Morris pulled me into
my bedroom, shut the door, and asked me what the fuck was going on.
Uncharacteristically, I just blurted out "Mark broke up with me!" and
started sobbing.
	"Jesus Christ!" Morgan responded.  "And he thought tonight would be
a good night to do it?"
	"Yeah, apparently he hates my acting, and couldn't bare to sit
through one more of my performances."
	"Are you serious?" he looked at me with a confused expression.
	"No," I laughed through my tears.  "He just fell in love with the
guy he's been seeing behind my back for the past six months."
	"Well," Morgan began, "this is a good thing that he broke up with
you."
	"How do you figure that?" I sniffed.
	"Well, otherwise you would be still be dating a good-for-nothing
fucking piece of shit."
	There was a certain logic to his statement, though at the moment I
still couldn't stop crying.  Morris just sat there quietly while I composed
myself.  We talked for quite a while, but since we had been gone long
enough for someone to come looking for us, and since I really didn't want
to turn the evening into a pity party, I knew we had to head back.  Pulling
myself together, Morris gave me a quick hug, and we headed back to the
party.

----------
	Once everyone had left, I surveyed the disaster.  Erin had promised
me that someone was going to come by tomorrow to clean it up and that I was
not to touch a thing.  At the moment, I had no intention.  I went into the
bathroom (which suddenly felt very empty) to brush my teeth and wash my
face.  Grabbing for my toothbrush, I noticed the toothbrush in the cup next
to it.  Mark's.  I picked it up and looked at it.  It was amazing to think
of.  In two years of a relationship, this was the only thing of his in my
apartment.  He didn't keep a drawer of clothes, didn't take up any space in
the closet, didn't even have a book on the nightstand.  I stared at the
toothbrush wondering if I had just been oblivious to the fact that Mark had
never really connected with me.  I leaned over and tossed his toothbrush
into the wastebasket.  I brushed my teeth and went into the bedroom.
	I pulled off my shirt and jeans and pulled down my bedcovers.  I
went and stood in front the full-length mirror in the corner of bedroom.
As an actor, I think it is required that I be at least a bit narcissistic.
I had always liked my looks and apparently most other people did as well.
While I did think I had strong acting abilities, I wasn't foolish enough to
think that my face and body had nothing to do with my success in the field.
I was 6'1", 170 pounds, and had very dark, curly hair and light blue eyes.
My nose was straight and well structured, and my lips were full.  My jaw
line was strong and yet fragile.  I was built slender, but had very well
defined muscles.  I had what had once been described to me as "perfectly
distributed chest hair," light, but manly.
	I noticed that my eyes looked a bit strained from crying, so I put
some drops in them, switched off the light, and climbed into bed.  I closed
my eyes, and tried to think about opening night.  I couldn't let my life
interfere with my work.  My job tomorrow night was to be somebody else,
which could be a good escape if I really threw myself into it.  While I was
going over lines in my head, thoughts of Mark kept intercepting them.
Images of him with another man, picturing him climbing out of someone
else's bed before climbing into mine, kissing me and some other guy in the
same day.  I felt stupid and used.  I could feel the tears welling up
again, and I cried softly before drifting off to sleep.

----------
	I arrived at the theater around eleven in the morning.  I was still
shaken, but opening night jitters were forcing me to focus my thoughts on
the play.  The other three members of the cast were already on stage going
through different interchanges.  When Maggie saw me, she stopped the scene
and ran over to me.
	"I have some good news for you," she said.
	"Do you now?" I replied.
	"Well," she began, "it looks as though you may be getting to meet a
few of your celebrity crushes tonight."
	"Really?"  There were so many.
	"Yes, apparently, with their new album coming out and all, NSYNC is
in New York to be on TRL today.  So, earlier this morning, Johnny got a
call from their manager or somebody asking if there were any tickets were
available for tonight's show because apparently Justin and JC were really
interested in seeing it.  Of course, even though the show has been sold out
for months, there always seems to be a few more available when someone
important asks for them, so Johnny said no problem.  So how does that
strike you?"
	The prospect of meeting Justin and JC immediately got me
embarrassingly excited.  While for the most part you may have trouble
guessing whether I was gay, my taste in music was by far my most obviously
gay trait.  "I can't believe it!" I said, "Do you think they will come back
to meet us after the show?"  Celebrities typically did come back to the
dressing rooms after a performance, but you never really know.
	"I don't see why they wouldn't," Maggie replied, "but just don't
think you'll be taking up all their time if they do, if you don't share the
love with me I'll have to tell Mark."  My boy-band fantasies were quickly
extinguished in the face of the reality the mention of Mark's name took me
back to.
	"We broke up." I replied.
	"What?  When?  I saw him here just yesterday"
	"Yep, and that was pretty much the end of it."
	Maggie gave me a big hug.  "I'm sorry Natty, some timing huh?"
	"Yeah, but don't worry, I'm hoping it will add an extra layer of
poignancy to my performance.  Of course it may also cause me to just forget
my lines in which case you should probably be prepared to some major
improv."
	"Don't worry about it," she said reassuringly.  "You're going to be
terrific, you've been flawless through all of the rehearsals."
	"Thanks, anyway though, back to the boys, do you think they'd be up
for a threesome?"  I raised my in mock shock of my own statement.
	"Well I don't know," Maggie laughed, "it depends on which rumors
you follow I guess.  Is that how you're planning on getting over your
breakup?"
	"It would be one way.  Seriously though, you know my heart belongs
to JC."  It was true that I had had a major crush on JC since NSYNC
started.  Not only did I think he was really talented and a great singer
and dancer, I thought he was hot as hell.  I loved his slight build and his
gorgeous eyes and cheekbones.  He also always seemed to be a bit off or out
of it, which was something I for some reason always found attractive in
men.  Justin was certainly attractive, and his stock certainly rose in my
book when he started taking his shirt off all the time for photographs
while promoting his solo debut.  But I liked JC's sound, and was thrilled
when his own album had come out and done well.  Now the whole group was
back together and finally releasing their new album.
	"Well, who knows," Maggie said.  "Maybe JC will fall madly in love
with you and Justin with me"
	"Well, he does seem to have a sudden interest in older women," I
joked.
	"You son of a bitch," she kidded back.  "Thirty-five is not old!"
	"Maggie, you're twenty-eight."
	"I know it.  Just remember that when I turn thirty-five, I'm not
old!  Now come on, time's a wastin'."  She dragged me over to where Paul
and Liza were standing.  "I think we need to go over Act Two, Scene Four
again," she stated.
	"Yeah, uh I don't think so," I started, knowing she was trying to
egg me on.  "I think you've all had and will continue to have ample time to
see my bare ass."  Scene Four basically required my character to spend a
good ten minutes completely naked, making total use of the stage.  While my
initial reading of the script sent a bolt of fright through me, I also knew
that it would basically be the most talked about aspect of the show.  After
telling me I was no fun, Maggie suggested another scene and we all began to
run through it.  Before we started I was struck by the thought that JC and
Justin would soon be seeing me in all my glory.  It made me nervous but
also kind of turned me on.

----------
	After running through a few more scenes, we decided to call it
quits and just wait for the big night to arrive.  While I was in my
dressing room trying to relax, I flipped on the TV and soon came across
NYSYNC on TRL.  They were in the middle of performing a song from their new
album, complete with the requisite choreography and JC / Justin exchanges.
I had been hearing the song on the radio and of course, I liked it.  I was
particularly impressed that Justin had actually agreed to use one of the
songs JC had written as the first single.  They all looked really good.  JC
was wearing a tight pair of ripped jeans, and a sleeveless white t-shirt.
While his hair was not a short as it had been during NSYNC's heyday, it was
much shorter than the tragedy it was a few months ago.  Seeing him there,
watching his well-defined arms moving to the music, I felt myself getting
hard.  Mark and I had not had sex in the past week, and the realization
that it was starting to get to me and that I might not be having sex for a
while, was a little depressing.  I readjusted myself in my pants and
continued watching, believing that masturbating before the show would be in
bad form.  Besides, anxiety was a major personality trait of my character
and I thought that my sudden sexual frustration may help out in my
performance.
	After they finished singing, they were all interviewed.  Justin
answered his questions with characteristic coolness, while JC answered his
with characteristically long-winded answers that didn't really go anywhere.
He had always given me the impression that he was really smart, but that he
was just really nervous in the spotlight.  Having never really had trouble
being the center of attention, I wondered how all his years as a performer
hadn't cured this.
	Once the interview had ended, I turned of the TV and stretched out
on my couch.  In what felt like only seconds, but in reality must have been
a few hours, I suddenly found myself awaking to three very nervous actors.
	"Come on!" Paul yelled.  "We've got like an hour before showtime!"
	"Holy shit!" I exclaimed.  I bolted to a standing position, nerves
completely setting in and not quite sure what I was supposed to be doing.
Maggie noticed my perplexed expression.
	"You should get dressed," she suggested.
	"Right," I responded.  "That's right, ok kids, out you go."  I
began shooing them out.  I quickly got into costume and then headed down to
make-up.  The other three were already there.  We all discussed how nervous
we were and how at this point we would all be happy if we just remembered
all our lines.  The play was a good three hours, not including the two
intermissions.  I had faith in the material, but was worried about the
audience's attention span.  With few minutes to go we all assembled
backstage.  Johnny, our stage manager, came over to us wish us luck.  I
could hear the audience filling the theater and found myself becoming
extremely nervous.  For the most part, my mind was totally focused on the
tasks at hand, but intermittingly I kept thinking of Mark.  A feeling of
resentment crept up in my stomach as I realized he may have robbed me of
the total concentration I needed for tonight.  I had to not let that
happen.  He wasn't worth it, and this could very well be the most important
moment in my life, not to mention the lives of the other three actors and
the playwright.  Johnny yelled for places, and we all got into position.
Taking a deep breath, I forced myself into character, and waited for the
curtain to rise.

----------
	The audience was on their feet before the curtain had reopened for
us to come out and take our bows.  The applause was thunderous.  I could
even hear old schooler's yelling "Bravo!"  Bouquets of flowers were being
thrown on the stage, and when I stepped forward to take my individual bow,
I had this enormous sense that I had arrived.  I had been in a few Broadway
productions, but nothing of this magnitude.  It was one of the few moments
in an actor's life when you know you are part of something really special.
I looked up into the box where Mark was to have sat.  He was not there,
making me realize that I didn't have someone I loved to share in this
moment.  We finished our bows and ran back to our dressing rooms,
congratulating each other along the way.  The hallways backstage were
already jammed with people.  I worked my way to my dressing room through a
see of hugs and handshakes.  Inside, the room had been filled with flowers
from various people I had encountered in New York theater.  I quickly
changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, then ran into the bathroom to
wash my make-up off.  A knock on my door was quickly followed by the
opening of my door, and Maggie entered with a bottle of champagne and to
flutes.
	"Quick," she said.  "Let's down this before everyone gets to us!"
	"You're crazy!" I replied, though at the moment I could think of
nothing better to do.  The two of us quickly downed the entire bottle, and
were soon giggling like two girl scouts at a sleep over.  I knew it wasn't
the best idea to meet the press buzzed, but in the New York theater circle,
I was already known as a bit of a bad-boy.  We emerged from my dressing
room and started talking with a number of newspaper reporters.  A couple of
TV stations were there as well.  I was as gracious as possible, though I
was probably finding everything and everyone a little too funny.  Once I
was done with the press and the commotion had died down a little, I headed
back to my dressing room as I was told a number of "important" people
wanted to speak to me.  Susan Sarandon, Al Pacino, Hugh Jackman, I was
completely in shock over the people who were coming up to me to tell me how
much they loved the show and how great they thought I was.  In about 20
minutes I think I had met all of the greatest actors of the stage and
screen.  Of course, nothing got me quite as excited as when two pop stars
walked in.
	It was actually two pop stars and Cameron Diaz.  She walked in
first next to Justin, with JC right behind them.  My eyes immediately shot
to JC and I felt butterflies in my stomach.  He looked back at me with
those gorgeous eyes and smiled at me in a gracious yet somewhat reserved
way.  I don't know if it was the alcohol or my own flirtatious nature, but
I totally held my gaze a bit longer than normal, but he matched me second
for second.  My concentration was only broken by Cameron coming up to me to
tell me what an amazing job I had done.  I thanked her as Justin echoed her
sentiments and shook my hand.  JC came over and extended his hand to me.
	"That was really something," he said.  I shook his hand for what
also was probably longer than I should have, and thanked him.
	"I think we'll be seeing a lot of you," Cameron said.
	"Oh, I don't know," I replied.  "We'll see how it goes."
	"Come on," she countered, "after this you're going to be on every
studio's wish list.  You're going to be a major heart-breaker."
	"Well," I began, the champagne doing all the talking at this point.
"If Hollywood is ready for a gay heart-throb, who knows?"  I had never been
so matter of fact about my sexuality with relative strangers, but at the
moment I was kind of just verbalizing my thoughts.  JC looked up at me when
I said this and I suddenly felt like I had done something wrong.  Was I
just completely inappropriate in front of three of the most popular people
on the planet?  There was a definite moment of silence.
	"Aw, you never know," Justin spoke up.  "It may be the perfect
time."  Justin glanced in JC's direction, then turned back and smiled at
me.  They continued to talk about the show with me and I found myself
feeling more comfortable around them.  I actually found that I was really
enjoying them.  They were all very down to earth and both Justin and JC
kept making jokes about not being able to understand the play.  I could
tell they were joking, or at least that JC was, since the few comments he
made really seemed to capture the plays intention.  As they congratulated
me once again and headed toward the door, I had a thought.
	"Hey, you guys want to come to the cast party?  It's at Tao."  All
three of them stopped.  JC was muttering something to Justin, who
subsequently turned around.
	"Cool," Justin said, do you want to head over there with us?  Our
driver is probably up front by now."
	"That sounds great," I said, looking for my wallet.  I suddenly had
a thought.  Maggie.  "Uh, guys, would you mind if I asked my friend Maggie
to come with us.  She played Catharine in the play."
	"Of course not," Cameron said.  "We were just going to try to meet
her.  The scenes between you two were simply the best."
	"Great, I'll just go grab her then."  I ran out of my dressing
room, not able to resist casting my eyes on JC one more time.  He projected
a quietness that just seemed so nice.  I found Maggie in the middle of a
conversation with a bunch of admirers.  "Hey Maggie," I said to her putting
my arms around her waste and kissing her cheek.  "I'm sorry but we have to
get going."  She looked at me as if to say, what the fuck are you doing.  I
started pulling her away from her fans who she apologized to for having to
run, then she turned to me and with actual words asked me what the fuck I
was doing.
	"I'm sorry," I replied.  "It's just that JC, Justin and his
girlfriend Cameron Diaz have offered to escort us to the after-party, and I
don't think we should keep them waiting."
	"Oh shit!" she cried.  "This evening just keeps getting better and
better."

----------
	The limo ride was great fun.  Everyone was having fun and we seemed
to go through another bottle of champagne on the short drive over to Tao.
Maggie pretty much consumed all of Justin's attention and I was happy to
see that Cameron seemed totally not annoyed by it.  When we got to the
restaurant, Maggie and I got out first.  "Ok," she started.  "Now I know I
just as drunk as you are, but am I wrong in saying that JC was just staring
at you the entire ride?"  There was indeed a little chemistry going on, but
I couldn't really tell what was up with him as he was so quiet.
	"I don't know," I said.
	"He was looking at you like a cheetah looks at a gazelle."
	"Sunday nights with the Discovery Channel?" I inquired.
	"Whatever, just use a condom."  She headed into the restaurant
while I pondered the notion of having sex with JC.  Sure I had thought
about it before, but now he was right here, next to me, not on TV or in a
stadium with 30,000 people.  He had sat across from me in the limo, and of
the few things he said, they were directed at me.  The alcohol was making
me horny, so I knew I had to not jump to conclusions.
	I escorted my three new friends into Tao, whereupon Justin and
Cameron made a b-line for the bar, abruptly leaving JC and me standing
together.
	"I guess they really need a drink," I said, trying to be a little
funny.
	"Yeah," JC replied.  He was silent after that, apparently content
to simply stand next to me.
	"Are you alright guy?" I asked, being a bit bolder than usual.
	"Oh yeah," he responded.  He smiled at me again.  I waited a few
moments, not quite sure what else to say.
	"So, does everybody really call you JC?" I asked, thinking I had
blown it with such a mundane question.
	"No, most of my friends call me Josh."  He paused again.  "You can
call me Josh."  I nodded with a smirk.  "How about you?  I think I've heard
people call you like fifteen different things since we got here.
	"Yeah, that seems to be how it's always been.  I guess the name
Nathaniel lends itself to a lot of different nicknames, and none of them
have really stuck.  I guess whichever works for you."
	"Well, which one do you like?"  He seemed to really want to know.
	"Hmm, I don't really know.  My parent's actually still call me
Nathaniel.  The cast seems to be holding on to Natty. My boyfriend calls me
Nat."  I knew there was something wrong with that last sentence.  Oh yeah,
I didn't have a boyfriend.
	"Oh," JC said with a kind of odd expression.  "I didn't realize you
had a boyfriend."
	"I don't actually," I corrected.  "I mean I did, but we broke up.
Well, actually he broke up with me cuz he fell in love with the guy he was
having an affair with."  I was sure that at this juncture my brutal honesty
was not really necessary, but my mind was kind of fuzzy.  "Sorry, it's the
champagne talking at the moment."
	"No problem," JC said.  "So I guess I won't be calling you Nat."
	"Josh?" I inquired.
	"Yeah?"
	"How 'bout another drink?"
	We made our way to the bar, which took a considerable amount of
time considering my drunkenness and all of the people coming to talk to and
congratulate me.  Everyone certainly knew who I was walking with, but aside
from Maggie and myself, I think the New York theater crowd didn't harbor a
lot of respect for pop singers.  It kind of pissed me off considering the
status JC had achieved and the long rode I was sure it took him to get
where he was.  Of course, I guess it was natural for the attention to be
focused on me tonight.  What was a bit unusual, at least I thought, was how
every time someone approached me, JC just waited patiently by my side until
I was finished.  He didn't go off to find Justin or talk with the several
other A-list people that were in attendance.  I wondered if people thought
we were a couple, as I found myself introducing him to a lot of the people
I met.
	When we finally got to the bar, I ordered myself a vodka and soda,
and JC a red wine.  We clicked our glasses and toasted to something stupid
I'm sure.  JC had become a bit more talkative after I admitted to being a
huge fan of his music and songwriting abilities.  It occurred to me that he
may have felt out of his element, because he seemed to light up once we
started discussing music.  We had been talking for quite a while and JC was
right in the middle of describing how he came up with writing one of my
favorite songs of his when I noticed my agent from across the room wildly
gesturing for me to come over to him.  I interrupted JC who looked
immediately hurt, but I explained that my agent looked like he was about to
have an episode if I didn't go talk to him.
	"Oh, no problem," JC said.  I stood up, which of course is the
moment of truth when you've been drinking, and I almost immediately
stumbled.  Before I knew it, I was bracing myself by holding onto JC's
thighs.  They felt hard and strong inside the tight jeans he was wearing.
I looked up to him as if to say, yeah I'm wasted.  He nodded in
recognition, his eyes definitely sparkling, and I had to resist the impulse
to kiss his full, well-formed lips.  "It's all good," he said.
	"I'll be right back."  I made my way toward my agent, feeling
myself getting back into the rhythm of walking.  "Yes Allen?"
	"You're wasted aren't you?"
	"Shh, don't tell anybody."  I pressed my index finger against my
lips.
	"Well, you better pull yourself together for the next few minutes.
Larry Ridgecliff wants to meet you."
	"Wait," I said.  "not 'the' Larry Ridgecliff?"
	"Yes, that's the one."
	"Allen, who is Larry Ridgecliff?"
	"You really need to get to the movies boy, he's the director who
won for best picture last year for 'Don't Go Without Me'."
	"You know I don't go for the award shows," I joked.  "and I think
that movie is already out on video."
	"Yeah, we'll see how you feel when you get the Tony nom this year."
Allen escorted me over to Larry Ridgecliff.  I extended my hand.
	"Mr. DeMille, pleasure to meet you."  Larry Ridgecliff didn't seem
to notice my joke, and I quickly sensed that he was as drunk as I was.
	"Nathan!" he exclaimed, grabbing my shoulder.  "How would you like
to be a movie star?"
	"I think I'd like that very much," I replied.
	"Good.  Cuz I'm gonna make you one.  I want you in LA next week for
a screen test and wardrobe fitting."
	"Um, cool, uh, what is the film about?"
	"That's not important my boy, just be out there in a week."  Larry
Ridgecliff spirited away, following a young woman in a tight dress.  Allen
slapped me on the back.
	"Good show Nathan."
	"Allen, he didn't even tell me about the movie, I'm not taking a
role I haven't even read yet."
	"Jesus Christ Nathan, do you want to be an actor or a star?"
	"I want to be both, one shouldn't take precedence over the other."
Allen shrugged his shoulders at me and resumed mingling.  I wanted to go
find JC again, but at the moment I couldn't even find the bar.  Once I
managed to get there, I still couldn't find him.  I sat myself back up on
one of the barstools and ordered another drink.  I wasn't normally a really
big drinker and I tried to think about why I was doing this.  I had thought
that it was just for fun, but I realized that I was trying to numb myself
from feeling depressed.  While most of my feelings toward Mark were anger,
I couldn't get over the fact that I had invested so much into a
dysfunctional relationship.  I was afraid I was going to keep making the
same mistakes and was wondering if I just wasn't built for relationships.
Mixed with these thoughts were now thoughts of JC.  Images of the looks he
had been giving me, remembering the feeling of his thighs, the boy was just
hot.  I didn't know what was up with him, but I wanted to find out.  I
looked up to see him at the front of the restaurant with Justin and
Cameron.  Oh no, he was leaving.  I noticed as they made there way toward
the door that he kept pausing to look around.  Was he looking for me?
Finishing my drink and pulling myself off the barstool, I bounded for the
front of the restaurant.  "Hey, you guys leaving?"
	"Yeah," Justin replied.  "We want to go dancing."
	"Oh, ok, are you all going?"  I looked at JC.  I was definitely
losing my inhibitions.
	"Uh, actually, I wouldn't mind laying low tonight guys." JC said.
"Do you guys mind going on without me?"  Justin gave JC a slight smirk and
answered that he didn't.  Both Justin and Cameron thanked me for inviting
them to the party, and Cameron gave me her number in LA to call whenever I
go out there.  They walked out the doors to their limo, once again leaving
me standing alone with JC.  I noticed the empty glass in JC's hand.  He
must have absentmindedly take it with him from the bar.
	"Can I get you another one of those?" I asked.  I had put my hand
on his arm when I asked this, partly because I wanted to, partly to keep
myself steady.
	"What the hell," he replied.  We made our way back to the bar.
Halfway there, Maggie grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to her.  She had
obviously been having a good time herself.  I felt her hand on my ass and
realized she was slipping something into my back pocket.
	"Just in case," she laughed, whispering into my ear.  "I can see
you're both getting all drunk and chummy, and I just want to make sure you
boys play safe."  I put my hand in my pocket and could feel that she had
put a condom in there.  Talk about pressure.  I wasn't even sure yet if the
guy was gay.
	"Are these the party favors they're giving out?" I asked.  Maggie
started laughing again, kissed me on the cheek, and disappeared.  I walked
back to JC who was standing nearby.  We headed back to the bar, ordered two
more drinks and resumed talking.  JC explained that he had gotten a little
tired as of late to being the third wheel to Justin and Cameron.  I asked
him at point blank, "So I gather you have no significant other of your
own?"
	He looked back at me, an expression of shyness crossing over his
face.  "No," he replied.  "No relationship to speak of."
	"Shame," I responded.  "You're a real nice guy."
	"Thanks, as are you."  He raised his glass to me in a mock toast
before gulping down the rest of his wine."  He then started saying
something about that he actually was in the mood to go dancing, but he
thought he should leave Justin and Cameron on their own.  Since I was up
for pretty much anything at the moment I spoke up, suggesting that there
were a lot of great clubs that stayed open really late.  "Where should we
go?" he asked.  I wondered why everything was going so easy.
	"That depends," I answered, sensing another moment of truth coming
on.  "You in the mood for my kind of crowd or your kind of crowd?"
	"You mean like theater versus music?"  The wine was apparently
slowing him down a bit.
	"No." I looked directly into his eyes.
	"Oh," he said, a light going off in his head.  He smiled lightly
and cast his eyes down for a moment before meeting my gaze once again.  "My
crowd is your crowd."  At that moment I was hit with the full realization
that the man in front of me, the man I was incredibly attracted to, the man
who had so often entered my fantasies, was gay and quite possibly as
interested in me as I was in him.  I nodded at him and placed my hand over
his as a gesture of some kind, though I wasn't sure of what.
	"Can you be seen at a gay club JC?  Josh?"
	"Oh yeah," he replied.  "I pretty much have always gone where I
want.  Rumors are always started about you regardless of what you actually
do, so you might as well do what you want."  I saw his point.  I had heard
rumors here and there about JC or Lance possibly being gay, and I myself
for the most part assumed they were rumors as the stories to the contrary
were far more frequent..
	"Well," I said, "let's go then."  We stood up and made our way back
to the door.  We got into a cab that was waiting outside the restaurant and
I instructed the driver to go to one of my favorite clubs, which was only a
few blocks from where I lived.

----------
	As we sat together in the back of the cab, I felt myself growing
hard as rock.  I wanted to climb on top of him right there in the cab, but
I still wasn't sure if that was the direction we were heading in.  When we
got to the club, we had little difficulty getting in, and oddly enough, we
walked in to the blasting sounds of NSYNC's new single.  JC started
laughing as I tried to mime some of the video choreography.  He just swayed
to the music.  From the moment we entered I could see that his attention
was totally focused on me.  He didn't look around to see who was around
him.  I had noticed the jaw dropping of a number of guys as we made our way
further onto the dance floor.  It was thrilling to know that I currently
had the attention of someone so many people wanted.
	We started dancing together.  We danced long and we danced hard.
At some point in the night I leaned in and told him that he could probably
have anyone in the whole club if he wanted.
	"I don't want any of them," he said, pulling me closer to him.  We
started to do a bit of grinding, and as I felt my crotch rub up against
his, I was greeted by what was most certainly a sizeable erection.  Through
both of our jeans I could feel this large mass.  I had heard rumors about
JC being well-endowed, though I think that Justin must have at some point
appropriated this rumor to himself.  The time for coyness was certainly
over.
	I pressed my left cheek against his.  It felt warm, moist, and
slightly stubbly.  I spoke into his ear, hoping he could hear me over the
music.  "Are you wearing a cup or are you just happy to see me?"
	JC stopped moving and spoke into my left ear.  "When you walked on
stage I was awestruck at the sight of you.  And when you later walked on
naked, I almost came in my pants."  I was so turned on by this sudden
boldness on his part.  The man definitely had different sides to him.
	"Well that would have been a big waste, wouldn't it have?"  I slid
my lips over his and roughly shoved my tongue in his mouth.  He met my
tongue with his own and we started making out with an urgency I hadn't felt
in a long time, if ever.  My hands were sliding all over his back and my
cock was so hard that it was painful to leave it in my jeans.  I broke the
embrace for a second.  "You wanna fuck?"  He looked into my eyes and
smiled.
	"You live nearby?" he asked quickly, then continued to kiss me.
His lips were incredibly smooth and I was thankful he no longer had that
strip of beard on his chin.
	"Yeah," I replied.  "But I have a better idea."  It occurred to me
that if I was going to allow myself to act like a slut, I might as well do
it right.  I led him to the back of the club, where the bathroom was
located.  I walked into one of the large stalls with him, slamming and
locking the full-length door behind us.  I pushed him against the wall and
resumed tonguing his mouth.  A soft moan escaped his lips and I could tell
the surroundings were really turning him on.  He was undoing my belt with a
sense of desperation.  In seconds he had it open as well as my jeans.  He
stopped kissing me and dropped to his knees.
	"I've been wanting to see this thing hard for the past six hours,"
he said, as he pulled down my jeans and underwear in one motion.  It felt
so good to have my cock free, but it was quickly covered once again, only
this time by JC's mouth.  All seven inches of it was covered in one swift
movement.  I had to resist coming instantly and I placed my hands against
the wall to keep myself up, as my knees were starting to buckle.
	"Oh yeah Josh, that is so good."  He was sucking for all it was
worth and I made a mental note to myself just to remember that, since the
details of tonight would probably be quite fuzzy tomorrow, I had gotten the
best blowjob of my life.  JC pulled his mouth off my cock and started
licking it all over.  His left hand was playing with my balls while with
his right hand he struggled to undo his own pants.  I pulled him off of my
cock and up to a standing position.  I turned him around so that his back
was to me, and pushed him up against the wall again.  I then lowered my
hands to his waste and undid his own pants.  I pushed his jeans and
underwear down to his thighs and was greeted by what looked in the dim
light to be a perfectly smooth, firm, creamy ass.  I started licking and
nibbling at his neck and the ear I could reach with my mouth.  My left hand
was against the wall while my right hand roamed all over his ass.  It was
covered in a sheen of sweat from our dancing, but it felt firm and
muscular.  As I slid my index finger up and down his crack, I saw his right
hand reach in front of him to start stroking himself.  In the light I
couldn't catch a good glimpse of his cock.  I was just about to turn him
around when I looked down to see my cock, hard and wet, millimeters away
from his ass.  I suddenly knew what I wanted more than anything.  "Can I
fuck you Josh?" I asked, biting his earlobe.
	"Do you have a condom?" he asked, while noticeably increasing the
pace on his cock.
	"Yeah," I answered quickly dropping to the floor to retrieve the
condom from my jeans, which were now around my ankles.  Josh turned his
head to the side, a mild look of apprehension on his face.  He then nodded,
and leaned his head against the wall, along with both his hands.  Given
that I was a couple of inches taller then him, I was able to lean over and
contact his lips with my own.  I then replaced my mouth with my fingers,
which he gladly began to suck on.  Once they were really wet, I removed
them and lowered them to his ass.  I slid my index finger into the crack of
his ass and found his whole.  It felt tight and wrinkled, with maybe just a
tiny ring of hair around it.  I slipped my index finger inside him and he
sighed, slowly pushing back on it.  I couldn't believe I had my finger in
the ass of JC Chasez.  The thought, and the actual visual made my cock
jump.  After sliding my finger back and forth a few times, I removed it and
tore open the condom.  Luckily it was a pre-lubricated one and so I quickly
slipped it on and got myself into position.  I pushed my cock into his ass
until I was aligned with his whole.  I then told him to take a deep breath
as I pushed the head inside.  He was incredibly tight, which made me think
that he didn't do this that often, though he also didn't seem to be very
bothered by it.
	"Oh fuck Nate, push it all the way in."  I did just that sliding
all the way in until I could feel his ass cheeks against my pubes.  I
withdrew slightly and then pushed all the way back in, causing him to make
a high-pitched sound that let me know he was really enjoying this.  My cock
felt like it was on fire as started fucking him.  Every time I hit his
prostate he made the same ecstatic groan.  We were both still wearing our
shirts and sweat was pouring down both of our foreheads.  JC started
masturbating himself again, with a pace a bit quicker then my own.  I slid
my hands under his shirt and began exploring his chest, feeling the strong
defined lines and the short hairs covering his muscles.  God, I could have
devoured this guy.  There wasn't a part of him I didn't want to explore to
its fullest.  I found his nipples and began twisting them.  "Yeah, keep
doing that," he told me. I had become a big fan of all his suggestions and
was happy to oblige.  My climax was started to build and I increased the
pace with which I fucked him.  He began to push back against me with every
one of my thrusts and was making all sorts of erratic noises.  I was
breathing really hard, placing much if my weight on top of him.  Suddenly
he yelled out "I'm gonna cum, oh God, I have to cum!"  He began to
frantically pound his cock.  I placed my hand over the hand he was fisting
it with and started urging him on.
	"Do it!  Do it!" I yelled.  JC started making a long, low, guttural
sound, and I knew he was cumming.  When I first felt hot liquid pour over
my hand I completely lost it and came incredibly hard, rearing up into him.
It had been like a week since I had cum, and I hoped the condom could fit
all the jizz pouring into it.  JC's orgasm lasted a really long time, and
he continued to shake long after I felt any new liquid spurting.  While I
felt like I could have stayed inside him forever, once my breathing calmed
down a bit, I slowly pulled out of him, causing him to make yet another
strange sound.  He slumped his head against the wall while I went over to
the toilet and took care of the condom and the cum covering my hand.  I
then walked back over to him with some paper and helped clean him up.  He
turned around and looked at me with a hard to read expression.  Neither of
us apparently knew what to say to the other.  I guess we were both a little
embarrassed.  We both pulled our pants back up and left the stall.  We
silently washed our hands side by side.  In retrospect I am sure everyone
was looking at us with wild curiosity, but I cant remember looking at
anyone.
	We left the club and got into a cab.  When we arrived at my place,
I turned to say something, but I really didn't know what to say.
"Goodnight," is what I came up with.
	"Goodnight," he responded.  I opened up the door and stumbled out
of the cab.  I heard the cab speed away as I then stumbled up the landing,
stumbled up the stairs, and stumbled into my apartment.  I flopped myself
onto my bed and before passing out I wondered what I was going to think
about all of this tomorrow.

To be continued