Date: Mon, 3 Nov 2003 07:26:20 -0800 (PST)
From: Michael Bryan <mzbryan2003@yahoo.com>
Subject: JC and the Actor (Chapter 21)

JC and the Actor, Chapter 21, Copyright 2003
----------

The following story is entirely a work of fiction.  It is not meant to
imply anything about the sexuality or the personal lives of the members of
NSYNC, or any other celebrities mentioned.  If you are underage, or if it
is illegal to read sexually explicit gay material where you live, don't
read this.

Thanks to everyone who has written, please continue to send your comments,
suggestions, and criticisms to mzbryan2003@yahoo.com

----------

Chapter 21

	Two pairs of hands grabbed me as I doubled over.  My stomach was
cramping fiercely and I couldn't stop retching.  I pulled away from Bobby
and JC, and stumbled a few feet away from them, wanting to be alone, but
realizing that there was no chance of that under the circumstances.

	"Are you ok?" JC asked, cautiously walking up to me.

	"I think so," I said, trying to get a grip of myself.  JC stood in
front of me and I watched as his expression changed from sympathy to fear.

	"Nate," he said, his eyes looking more and more alarmed as he
leaned in to study my face in the moonlight.  "You're coughing up blood."

	"Shit," I said, somewhat reconciled to the fact that something was
terribly wrong with me.  "That can't be good."  I didn't know much about
medicine, but I assumed that vomiting blood was pretty bad.  A fiery pain
shot through my stomach and I fell back down to the ground, vomiting once
again.

	"Is there a paramedic with you guys?" I heard JC ask Bobby.

	"I'll go get him," Bobby said, running back toward the camp.  JC
kneeled down next to me and rubbed my back, telling me that I would be
fine.  My eyes were tearing, but I couldn't tell if it was from throwing
up, or from feeling like the biggest piece of shit on the planet.

	"You picked some time to show up," I coughed in between retches.

	"Don't talk," JC said.  "Just try to relax."

	Bobby returned with Steve, the medic who traveled with us, who
quickly asked what my symptoms were.

	"He was vomiting earlier today," Bobby said.  "But we just thought
it was motion-sickness."

	"Nah," Steve said.  "It's probably some type of food poisoning."
He kneeled down next to me and turned my face toward him.  "Most likely
E. coli I would say."

	"Isn't that serious?" JC asked.  I could tell he didn't like how
calm Steve was.

	"It can be," Steve said.  We just have to make sure he doesn't get
dehydrated."

	"Are you complethely thure that thath all it ith?" I asked, able to
catch my breath for a minute.  All three of them turned and looked at me as
though I had just arrived from outer space.  "Whath the madder?" I asked.
I didn't notice how I was speaking, in part due to the buzzing sound that
was developing in my ears.

	"I'm gonna go call to have him airlifted out of here," Steve said,
standing up and rifling through his medical bag.  "Here," he said, handing
JC a rubber, rectangular shaped object.  "Put this in his mouth."

	JC took it from him, but seemed completely confused.  "Why?" he
asked.

	"It's not likely, but it's possible that he could have a seizure."
Steve ran back toward the camp and Bobby and JC stared at me, fearful of
what I might do next.  JC moved to put the wedge in my mouth, but I waved
him away.

	"Pleathe, if I thtart having a theithure, then give it to me."

	"Ok," JC said.  "Just stay calm.  They'll get you to the hospital
and you'll be fine."  It sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

	Steve came rushing back, and said that the helicopter would be here
in about an hour.

	"What's wrong with him?" Bobby asked.

	"We shouldn't speculate," Steve said.  "Let's just get him inside
for a bit."

	"But it's not just food poisoning," Bobby asserted, the fear
obvious in his own voice.  JC looked up at him, then back at me.

  The three of them helped me stand up and I slowly began to make my way
toward the camp.  My feet felt kind of numb as I walked, but I didn't want
to scare anyone anymore than they already were.

	Back inside my tent, I sat on my bed, trying to ignore the intense
pain in my abdomen.  Both JC and Bobby sat at my bedside, and they were
soon joined by Tim who sat down next to me and put his arm around me.

	"You'll be fine, buddy," Tim said.  As far as I was concerned, this
experience had disaster written all over it.  The fact that my symptoms
were so strange made me pretty sure that I was going to die.  I started to
think about how I had come so close to having it all, and then managed to
fuck it all up in literally the few short hours before my death.  It was
kind of funny, really.  Here I thought I had gotten sick due to my profound
feeling of guilt, when really, all I was doing was dying.

	"Stop thinking the worst," JC said.  I looked at him and smiled
faintly.  He knew me.  He really knew me.  Tim must have noticed the
connection between JC and I, because he soon told Bobby that they should
leave the two of us alone for a bit.  Reluctantly, Bobby followed him out
of the tent, looking back at me before exiting.

	JC's eyes followed Bobby out of the room, then turned back to me.
"That must be Bobby," he said.  I nodded.  JC moved closer to me, taking my
hand in his own and kissing my cheek.  "I love you so much," he said.
"Please don't worry."

	My face scrunched up and I started to cry.  I knew that JC would
think that my tears were from fear for my health, but they were really
because I had hurt the best person I had ever met.  And he didn't even know
it.  "I love you to," I sobbed, covering my face with my hands.  JC pulled
my hands away and replaced them with his own.  Tears were streaming down
his face and I wondered if I could alleviate his pain by telling him that I
wasn't worth the worry.

	"I'm not leaving your side," he said, kissing my cheek again.  The
familiar sound of a helicopter appeared in the distance, and it wasn't long
before a team of paramedics burst into my tent with a stretcher and a lot
of questions.  I tried to answer them the best I could, and luckily they
seemed to understand me despite my slurred speech.

	Seconds later I was on the helicopter, with JC safely belted in
next to me.  Just as they were closing the doors Bobby appeared and jumped
in.  "I'm coming to," he said.  JC gave him a strange look but Bobby was
only concentrating on me.  The paramedics tried to close the door a second
time, but were stopped by Tim jumping on as well.  With no further
passengers arriving, the helicopter took to the air and made its way toward
the hospital.  The four of us sat there silently while the paramedics kept
yelling a bunch of medical terms.  I recognized some of them from when I
had done that episode of "ER" a few years ago.  Tim was looking back and
forth between JC and Bobby, then turned to me and shrugged his head, giving
me a friendly smile.  I smiled back, happy to know that however big a
fuck-up I was, Tim was still my friend.

	"His heart rate is over one-hundred," one of them said.  I was
being pinched and prodded with numerous instruments, but couldn't really
feel any of them.

	"He's bleeding into the skin," another one said, lifting up my
shirt and noticing large bruises on my chest and stomach that seemed to
have appeared out of nowhere.

	"Oh my God," Bobby yelled, tears forming in his own eyes.  I saw
Tim give Bobby a stern look and he tried to compose himself.

	"I think I'm gonna faint," I said.  It felt like the cabin was
spinning.

	"That's ok," a paramedic said.  "We're almost there."

----------

	Still conscious, I arrived at what I assumed must be the only
hospital in Kenya.  It looked fairly modern, but any objections I may have
had to the place seemed fairly ridiculous under the circumstances.

	A team of doctors surrounded me and pushed me into the emergency
room.  I heard someone say that I had jaundice and that my blood pressure
was very high.  They told everyone with me to leave, and I didn't have the
strength to object.  I saw JC and Bobby standing just outside, looking
through the glass with pained expressions as I started to vomit more blood.
While trying to stop that, the doctors also took blood samples and it was
soon thereafter stated that I was severely anemic.

	"Just what I thought," a doctor said.  "We need to get him started
on plasma exchange."  The doctor turned to me.  "When did you start having
symptoms?" he asked.  I told him that it was around noon today.  "Good," he
said.  "Then the chances are that you have only had the E. coli bacteria
for a short time."

	"Ith that all it ith?" I asked, thinking that that this seemed like
cruel and unusual punishment for food poisoning.  Not that I didn't deserve
to feel terrible.

	"Not exactly," the doctor began with his thick, but clear African
accent.  "You do have E. coli poisoning, but that only explains your
vomiting.  What you have is..."

	"Wait," I interrupted, using all of my energy just to form the
word.  "I need you to tell thith to Joth, tho thomeone elth can here it."
The doctor smiled at me and I realized he probably had no idea what I just
said.  It wasn't just that my speech was slurred, it was that it was slow
and lethargic.  The doctor went to the door and asked if any of the
gentlemen who had come with me had a name that started with a "J."  JC came
in like lightning and asked what was happening.

	"Your friend has TTP," the doctor said, looking back and forth
between the two of us.  JC's hand was holding mine tightly, and I think the
doctor quickly realized we weren't just friends.  "It is a rare blood
disease that we still do not know the cause of, but we know it can be
brought on by E. coli food poisoning."

	"Can you treat it?" JC asked.  I was happy to have someone able to
speak for me.

	"Yes," the doctor said.  "The disease is attacking his red blood
cells, causing him to become anemic.  We have to keep giving him plasma
exchanges, similar to blood transfusions, until he stabilizes on his own."

	"So are you doing that?" JC asked.  He didn't really care about the
process, he just wanted to know if I was going to be all right.

	"Yes, that's what we are doing right now.  I am concerned though
that we do not have enough plasma at this facility to treat him for very
long.  Many patients need to be on plasma exchange for several days, and we
won't have enough for that."

	"Will you have enough for him to be transferred somewhere else?"
The doctor instructed a nurse to go and find out which hospital could best
accommodate me.  JC turned back to me and put his hand on the top of my
head. "You're going to be fine," he said, smiling.

	"This is not a guaranteed solution," the doctor said.  JC's face
dropped and we both turned to look at the doctor.  "This is a very
dangerous disease, and I have to advise you of the risks."  We were both
silent, so he continued.  "A small percentage of people won't respond to
treatment, and for some this could become a chronic problem or require
removal of the spleen."

	"What's the worst that could happen?" JC asked, though I don't
think he wanted to hear the answer.

	"A number of things," the doctor said.  "He could hemorrhage, have
a stroke, or, more likely, experience kidney failure.  Since he already has
symptoms of kidney distress, I am naturally very concerned about this."  JC
and I remained silent, staring at the doctor.  He continued, "It all
depends on how long the disease has been in his system.  The sooner we get
it, the greater his chances are for survival.  It is likely that he just
got it today, but he could have gotten the E. coli bacteria as much as
eight days ago."

	"Did you say survival?" JC said, his hand starting to shake around
my own.  "He could die?"  The nurse came back and said that they were
making arrangements for me to be sent to an American hospital in Cairo.

	"Your friend is young and very healthy," the doctor said to JC.  "I
am confident that if anyone can pull through, he can."  The doctor and
nurse exited, leaving JC and I alone with a bunch of beeping and clicking.

	"This is really bad, isn't it?" I asked, looking at the tubes
running in and out of my arm.

	JC smiled at me.  "You're already speaking normal again," he said.
"You're already getting better."  I was starting to feel very calm, and
realized that they must have given me a sedative to bring down my blood
pressure and stop me from vomiting.

	"I'm really tired Josh, I'm just going to close my eyes."

	"No!" he said louder than he had expected.  Don't go to sleep."

	"Josh, I think that rule is just for concussions."

	"I don't care," he said.  "Just stay awake.  Just stay here."

	"Ok," I said.  Despite my exhaustion, I held my eyes open.  "Josh,
what are you doing here?"

	"I came to surprise you," he laughed.  "We rearranged the tour
schedule so I would have a few days to come and visit you.  I chartered a
plane and hired someone to bring me out to the set."

	"I'm sorry I messed everything up."  I did mean everything.

	"Don't be silly," he said.  "Thank God I am here with you."

	"Josh," I said, suddenly feeling overwhelmed.  "I haven't prepared
for this.  I don't have a will, I haven't spoken to my father in months.  I
haven't even come up with some type of theory about death."

	"Shh," Josh whispered, smoothing my hair back from my face.  "You
don't have to worry about any of that.  Everything will be fine."

	"Josh, if something happens, don't let them leave me living on some
machine.  If I can't be exactly what I am now, I don't want to live."

	"Stop it," JC said, his eyes tearing again.

	"Promise me, Josh, please?  They'll probably need my parents
permission, but if you tell my mom what I told you, she'll believe you."
My own eyes were filling up at thought of leaving so many unfinished things
behind.  I thought about telling JC about Bobby, but I couldn't decide what
was best for him.  If I did die, wouldn't it be better for him to think
that he was the only one I wanted?  Or was truth the ultimate gift I could
give?

	"I promise you that I will never do something to make you suffer,"
he said.  I started crying again and JC stood up and cradled my head in his
arms.  I had really become such a little girl in these past months.

	I had forgotten what it felt like to have his arms around me, and I
wondered how I ever could have thought anyone could have felt better.  I
had convinced myself that I was having genuine feelings for Bobby, but
right now all I believed was that I had lied to myself just to try
something new.

	Bobby's head appeared in front of the door and I could see his
heart sink as he saw JC holding me.  He came inside and asked me how I was
doing.

	"The doctor told us everything," he said.  JC must have picked up
on Bobby's desire to speak to me, because he got up and said he was going
to go get some water.

	"Bobby," I started, after JC made his exit.

	"Don't say anything," Bobby interrupted.  "It's not important right
now.  I just had to make sure you were ok."  I was hardly ok, but I knew
what he meant.  "You look good," he said, feigning a smile.

	"Yeah, yellow is my color."  JC came back in and took his seat next
to my bed.  Bobby started to walk out, but turned to JC before exiting.

	"I'm, uh, a big fan," he said, smiling politely and leaving.

	"He's a cute kid," JC said, turning to me.  "What is he, fifteen?"

	"He's nineteen," I said, rolling my head away from him.

	"Nate," he said, his voice turning serious.  "I think I should call
your parents."

	"No," I said.  "My mom will lose it."

	"It's just that you collapsed on a movie set, I'm pretty sure it's
going to be in the news by tomorrow."

	"Shit," I said.  This had the makings of a huge story.  If I
survived, I would probably become a major celebrity just from the incident.
"I guess you should then."  I gave JC the number and he left to go call
them.  I was so upset thinking about how upset they were going to be.  I
was so far away and there was nothing they could do but sit there and wait
for more information.

	Sometime later, JC came back.  "What did they say?" I asked.

	"Your mom is on her way to the airport," he smiled.  I knew that
she wouldn't be able to be passive in a situation like this.

	"My dad's not coming with her?" I asked, wondering how much I had
upset him.

	"No, it's not like that," JC reassured me.  They just decided that
one of them should stay in communication in case..." his voice trailed off.

	"In case any important decisions have to be made," I finished for
him.  My mouth felt dry and I realized I didn't have enough fluid to cry
anymore.

	"It's going to be fine," JC said firmly, grabbing my hand once
again.

	The doctor came back into the room and told us that they were ready
to take us to the airport. I obviously hadn't improved in just the few
hours at the hospital, so I let them pack me up and I hoped for the best.

	"Our prayers are with you," Tim called out to me as I was put into
the ambulance.  Bobby looked like he wanted to come toward us, but Tim had
his hand firmly on his shoulder, and I could tell he was giving him some
type of instruction.

	I was able to sleep after the doctor explained to JC that it was ok
for me to do so, so I don't remember much of my journey to Cairo.  I do
remember falling asleep, feeling JC's hand around my own, and hoping it
would never leave.

----------

	"Am I dead?" I asked.  I was trying to open my eyes, but they felt
too heavy.

	"No," a woman's voice said.  The unfamiliar voice forced me to open
my eyes to find myself in a hospital room that I assumed must have been in
Cairo.  I was still hooked up to a million machines, and the woman that had
spoken to me was reading something off of one of the monitors and making
notes.

	"How long have I been asleep?" I asked.

	"Since you got here last night," she smiled.  "It's about one in
the afternoon."  She looked Egyptian, but spoke with an American accent.

	"Are you my doctor," I asked.

	"I'm a resident, I've been here since you arrived."

	"You're American."

	"Yes, my father is from Egypt.  I am doing my training over here."
She was very pretty with long black hair and sharp, defined eyebrows.

	"Is my friend still here?" I asked, looking around the room for any
signs of JC.

	"You mean your cousin?" she smiled.  I gave her a confused
expression.  "He's in the waiting area, you weren't allowed to have
visitors while we got you settled in."  She came and stood closer to me and
smiled once again.  "You realize you aren't in the most liberal of
countries?" she asked.  I nodded and she left to go get my "cousin."

	A few moments later, JC came into the room looking rumpled and
tired, but still beautiful.  "Hey," he said.  "How are you doing?"

	"Much better, now that I know we're family."

	"The doctors say that you're stable for the moment.  They're
waiting for the results of you most recent blood test."  I felt so strange.
It wasn't that I was in pain, it was more like I was realizing how much
pain I would be in if I wasn't on so much medication.  JC came closer to me
and leaned down to kiss me.  His face felt stubbly against my own.  "Your
mom called a while ago.  She just landed in London and is waiting for a
plane here later tonight."

	"I hope I'm worth the effort," I joked.

	"Nate," JC said rather suddenly, looking closely at my face.  "Did
you have a black eye?"

	"Oh," I said, reaching up to touch it.  "Yeah, I kind of got into a
fight a few days ago."

	"How come you didn't tell me?  Is that where you got that cut too?"

	"No," I answered.  "That I got from falling.  It's kind of funny
actually.  I didn't want to tell you this stuff because I thought it would
sound worse than it was since you were far away.  Now you're here, sitting
with me on my death bed."

	"Stop talking that way," he said.  "I don't find it funny."  I
apologized and put out my hand for him to take.  "Whoa," he said all of the
sudden, turning away from me and taking a deep breath.  I was trying to
figure out what was bothering him until I realized he had just got a good
look at the needles in my arm.

	"Oh," I said, slightly amused.  "I forgot.  You're the one who
doesn't like needles."

	"Doesn't that hurt?" he asked, his face making a twisted
expression.

	"Just look at my face," I suggested, trying to form a smile as he
turned back to me.  The doctor came back into the room and told me that
while it wasn't bad news, I wasn't showing any improvement yet, so they
were going to do another transfusion.  I asked her how long they would keep
trying before doing something more drastic, and she said that they might
keep trying for up to five days.  I suggested to JC that he should probably
leave for this part and he agreed, stepping aside for a nurse who came in
to help with the transfusion.

	Night came very quickly.  They had given JC permission to stay in
my room with me and he sat there in an uncomfortable chair, refusing to
complain.  I drifted in and out of consciousness.  At times I would wake up
totally disoriented and have to be told where I was.  My hands were in soft
restraints because one of the times I had woken up and started to take the
tubes out of my arm.

	"Well, if you've ever had any bondage fantasies about me, now's
your chance," I laughed, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about how
terribly unfair all of this seemed to be.  Over food poisoning?  It dawned
on me that I might have been better off had I taken part in the big,
disgusting meals the crew had regularly.  As far as I knew, none of them
were sick.  JC chuckled and promised me that a lifetime of pleasure was in
my future.  I didn't have the courage to tell him that if he knew the
truth, he would probably never speak to me again.

	It was around dawn when I awoke to hear talking outside of my room.
The door opened and the light emerging from it woke JC, who quickly
straightened up in his chair.  My mom came in and I almost felt embarrassed
that she had to see me this way.

	"Oh my baby," she said rushing over to me and cradling my head in
her arms.  She looked exhausted, but then again, I probably wouldn't be
winning any beauty contests at the moment.  She looked over at JC, smiled,
and thanked him for being there for me.

	"I wouldn't be anywhere else," he said.

----------

	For the next few days, JC and my mom kept a constant vigil by my
bed.  They would take turns while one would go take a shower or get
something to eat.  But for the most part I was never alone, which was a
blessing as well as a curse.  Not knowing how much time I had left, I
wanted to spend every moment with the two of them.  But not being alone and
able to think about the ramifications of my actions kept me from ever
feeling too peaceful.

	It had been over three days and the doctors were growing concerned
that my blood tests weren't showing my red blood cells raising to normal
levels.  I heard them mention removing my spleen, and although I didn't
really even know what my spleen was, I knew I wanted to keep it.  I wasn't
suffering from the effects of the food poisoning anymore, so the doctors
were able to just focus on my TTP.

	It was early afternoon.  My mom left to go get sandwiches for JC
and herself, and JC sat there next to me, pretending not to be exhausted.
Film production had shut down and I heard JC telling someone on the phone
that he wasn't coming back until I was fine, and that whoever wanted him
back could go fuck themselves.  I knew that JC loved me, but I started to
realize it was a profound love that he had for me.  I wondered if it was so
profound that he would go on loving me, even if I told him the truth.

	"Even if I get better," I asked him, "Won't it be weeks before I am
able to start filming again?"

	"When you get better," he corrected, "They'll just have to wait."
I was probably costing the studio millions of dollars, but I think that
they insure themselves for unusual situations like this.

	JC walked over to the window and for the first time it really hit
me that I was in Egypt.  I had always wanted to go there, but this trip
hardly seemed to count.

	"Is it beautiful out there?" I asked.

	"Yeah," he said, staring out at the blue sky.  "When you get out of
here, how about we go see some pyramids?"

	"Josh," I moaned.  An indescribable pain shot through my body and
one of the machines started beeping like crazy.  I gasped and clenched my
jaw.  "Something's wrong."  JC rushed over to me, but I could hardly see
him, my vision had become so blurry.  I heard him run out of the room and
call for help.  Suddenly, a bunch of people were in the room and I felt
very woozy, very unprepared for what was coming.  I saw JC get pushed
toward the back of the room to make room for all of them.

	"His kidney's are failing," someone called out.  I knew that was
bad.  The room was becoming very cloudy and all of the voices yelling
seemed to merge into one persistent sound.  The room was turning white, but
before it did completely, I saw a pair of blue eyes, staring at me
intensely, filled with love.  I tried to burn the image into my brain,
hoping that if JC was going to be the last thing I would ever see, I would
be able to look upon him forever.

	"I'm sorry," I called, though I'm not sure if any sound actually
came out.

	"He's going into a coma," was the last thing I heard.


To be continued