Date: Mon, 21 Jan 2002 07:11:07 +0000
From: Daniel M <jellybeanking@hotmail.com>
Subject: JC Dreams 36

DISCLAIMER:

This series is entirely fiction. It is by no means an inference into who
Nsync is and any of the band members sexuality. If you are under the legal
age to read this I now request you leave.  If you are offended by M/M
topics, I would ask that you remove yourself from reading this story as well
because this has things you won't normally see on the Disney Channel.  I am
by no means affiliated with JIVE/ZOMBA Records.

AUTHOR'S WORDS:

Hi All. Get ready for what you never thought would come... you'll hate me at
the end. SC.

AUTHOR'S THANKS:

With a lighter note, I want to thank so many people now but I don't know
where to start.  Well to start, I should thank the Nifty Archivist who has
allowed me to post this series on his site and has continued to let me.
After Nifty, I want to thank the Lord for giving me the ability to write and
the words that I put into each part of this series. Carsten, my friend, your
support to this series and to me with all that has happened, words cannot
say thank you enough. You are one in a million. Your way with words always
manage to make me smile (to make me smile is rare at the momement, yet my
friend... you still know how to) and make me realise when I've fucked up in
the story some where. Without you, JC Dreams would be totally and utterly
rooted at times. At times, when I feel I'm slipping within me, I know that I
can write and just talk to you Carsten, you will never know what that means
to me. You are one in a million and I can't think of what to say now to try
and explain what's inside... some author huh. Lastly, to my little boy
Jared, I know you will never read this, but I love you and no matter what
happens I am proud of you.

AUTHOR RECOMMENDS:

Jamie's Romance - (Boy Bands) - Staring Justin (Nsync) and Jamie
(non-celeb) in a fantastic read.  Well done to Jim in the unbelievable ways
you write your story. I want to be able to write like you one day, as an
author, you are a huge role model to me.

Just Together - (Celebrity) - Michael (From Dawson's Creek) and Jonnah
(tech crew) are written into an amazing story which pulls at all the heart
strings. Without this series, I would be lost.

Search and Rescue - (Boy Bands) - Nsync story with JC (duh) and Matt
(non-celeb)... and the author's a slack bastard!! He's worse than I am at
updating. LOL... now that says somnething. Leave us hanging why don't
ya... write more. Still this is by far the best of all the JC series that
get posted here on Nifty.

Ryan's Love - (Celebrity) - Ryan Phillipe and Seth Barnes... fiction
character who writes for 'Felicity' ... it's an older series that was
finished like two years ago, but still a fucking good read. Go find it!
It's also started to be updated again with all the characters growing and
being expanded on.

Josh and Curly - (Boy Bands) - at last another Nsync story by another
Australian... YEEEHAR!

JC's Hitch-hiker - (Boy Bands) - very well written, into it's 'third'
season and is updated more than JC Dreams, so if you want a filler... go
for it!

FEEDBACK:

jellybeanking@hotmail.com -- this email has a messenger attatched to it.

DEDICATION:

This series is dedicated to Brendon Alexander James. 10 - January - 1980 to
20 - August - 2000. From his memory and support, a story born. Eternal rest
grant unto him O'Lord and may perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in
peace. Amen


                                        JC Dreams 36
                                             by
                                          Sun Child

'Do you ever think of you and I
And that beautiful goodbye'
			  - Amanda Marshall
			    'Beautiful Goodbye'


   "JC, I doubt Tony will live a few more days." Justin said, trying to
reason with JC.
   "Huh?" Asked JC, his face unconcerned.
   "Ask Joey, he looks tired and sickly." Justin told him and Joey nodded
confirmation. JC shrugged.
   "Well, it'll be his choice if he gives up." With that, JC left the room.
Standing outside the door, he looked down towards Tony's room then dismissed
the idea of going down and knocking on the door. He doubted Tony would even
care. JC started to walked the other way when he heard Tony singing. He
listened carefully, it was obviously a new song, JC had never heard it
before.

	You mean so much to me
	You still reduce me to tears
	Now you set me free
	Wisdom with burning years

		I remember the first song you sang
		I remember the way your voice lifted up
		I remember the way the words rang
		I remember the days you never gave up

It was all JC could listen to before feeling on the edge of tears. He barely
had time to pull himself back together before Chris came charging out with
Justin in tow. JC turned to see what they wanted.
   "Okay you insensitive asshole, time for you to listen up. Tony's heart is
breaking and he IS dying, dying of a broken heart and all you can think of
is yourself. He's taken this fucking hard and maybe it's time to pull
yourself together don't you think. You're destroying the guy who loves you
more than life down there..." Chris expoloded. JC looked at Chris and
stuttered.
   "Chris, I..." Chris cut him off
   "JC I don't want to hear it, because it's shit. You are just being
ignorant. If you don't know how much he loves you then there's something
seriously wrong. I think you need to sit down and sort your shit out." Chris
kept going.
   "You went through the same thing Tony is going through. You thought your
own shit didn't stink, well here's something... it did. You're still the
same, why the fuck don't you get a hair cut and stop looking like such a
slob? We're tired of this. Yeah maybe Tony does have a bit of an attitude,
he's had all this fame suddenly, how else do you expect him to deal with it.
I know he pushes Justin hard, maybe because he needs to. That's just the way
Tony is. If it wasn't for Tony, you and Justin wouldn't even still be
friends... did that occur to you? Did it occur to you that Tony does a lot
of work behind the scenes to keep OUR band together?"
   "He talks to all of us, he deals with all of us, he treats all of us as
equals, granted he spends more time with you and Justin than the rest of us,
but why not think about what he does. You were so wrapped up in what's
happening with you that you didn't even know that he has been planning a
weekend away for just the two of you since Sarah died. She died, they buried
her, he went to work on a weekend for you two. He had it all done with
management, they agreed to everything..." JC looked at Chris in surprise, it
was something new.
   "No JC, you didn't know, he worked hard to keep it that way, he was going
to surprise you, just tell you one morning to pack your bags and take you
away. He's worked his ass off to stop you two falling apart and the band...
OUR band Nsync falling apart. He isn't even a member of this fucking band
but he fights hard for it. Now you're here bawling out on him and he's
crying to himself because he doesn't want you two to affect the band. Who's
the selfish one JC? Who's the selfish one?" Chris finally stopped. Justin
spoke up, as much anger filling his voice as Chris'.
   "I fucked up, I apologised to Tony about it, we've worked it out. Now, I
saw you the night Tony tried to commit suicide... you were a fucking mess.
Now look at you, you don't care either way. If roles were reversed, would
Tony be down here feeling sorry for himself or would he be by your side?
He'd be by your side." Justin told him.
   "Frankly JC, you disgust me at the moment. Tony will never break up this
band, you though, are going the right fucking way." Justin spat at him and
walked back into the room. Chris glared at JC a moment longer and followed
him in. JC was left standing there, shell shocked and insecure.

Mark poked his head out of the door a while later and saw JC sitting there
in the hall, head in hands.
   "JC, you okay?" He asked. JC looked up his eyes puffy and red, his cheeks
  damp from tears.
   "I don't know Mark, I don't know." JC told him. Mark walked out and sat
down beside him.
   "Because of all this shit with Tony?" JC nodded unhappily. Mark shook his
head.
   "Well man, ignore it. He's gotta wake up to himself. He's pulling your
band apart."
   "Mark, how can you say that of your own brother?"
   "Because JC, I prefer to tell the truth."
   "But he works to keep us together. The others all seem to think so."
   "Did they live with Tony for most of their lives? Have they been in a
relationship with Tony? They don't know how he really works. Tony is all
nice and sweet on the top but underneath, let's really look at it. He's
selfish, he's hateful, he's arrogant, he's endowed with self-pity and he
think the world revolves around him."
   "I don't know Mark, he has done a lot of good for us though."
   "Like what?"
   "He worked to keep me and Justin friends."
   "Becaue he fucked it up."
   "No he didn't, it was me and Justin that did that. It was us."
   "Alright man, if you say so."
   "So much for blood being thicker than water." Said a voice sharply from
behind them. Turning around, they saw Lance and Lynn standing there.
   "Mark, I think it's time you left and went home." Lance said icily.
   "And not come back near my boys at all." Finished Lynn, her gaze hard and
sharp. Mark shrugged.
   "No worries, I'm gone. When Tony fucks your band, don't call me and
complain." With that Mark stood and walked away. Lynn looked at JC.
   "Mind if I sit with you for a moment?" JC motioned to the empty floor
beside him. Lynn looked up at Lance.
   "Could you..." Lance smiled.
   "Gone." With that he walked off and Lynn lowered herself to the floor.
   "You wanna tell me everything that's going on JC?"
   "Tony and I are fighting at the moment." Lynn nodded.
   "And?"
   "And that's it."
   "Then why are all the others so upset with you JC?" Lynn questioned.
   "Because of the way Tony is now."
   "And how would that be?"
   "Not eatting, talking, coming out his room." Lynn looked at him.
   "In other words, he's taken it bloody hard." JC nodded unhappily.
   "So why are you here moping over it? Go see him. I'll go with you if you
want." JC looked at her, tears still in his eyes.
   "Thanks Lynn." With that he leant over and gave her a small hug. Lynn
smiled and gave him a pat on the back.
   "Come on, Tony needs you." Lynn told him as she dragged herself to her
feet.

Knocking on Tony's door, they stood there waiting. After waiting a time, JC
knocked again. From inside they heard a tired voice call out.
   "I'm coming." JC bit back an urge to say something crude but in current
company and circumstances decided not to.
   "Really? I thought you were just breathing heavy." Lynn called back. JC's
jaw dropped.
   "Yeah bite me woman." Came Tony's voice through the door. As the door
opened, Lynn and JC's response was similar to Chris and Justin's. Tony stood
there, his clothes hanging off him like a scarecrow, his face was tired,
pale and drawn. He looked like he was barely alive. Dark circles hung under
his eyes, his eyes themselves looked like all life had fled from them.
   "Hi Lynn, Josh." There was a slight spark on Lynn's name but when he said
Josh's name it was flat and lifeless.
   "You mind if we come in and stop cluttering the corridor?" Asked Lynn.
Tony stepped back and motioned for them to come in. JC looked at Tony on his
way in and Tony looked away. Sighing to himself, JC walked in and sat down
on the couch while Lynn wandered around opening curtains. She looked around
the hotel room, it was immaculate, free of plates, clutter, clothes, totally
unlike the other guys rooms. Tony noticed her looking.
   "Not much mess when you're on your own in a room." Lynn nodded but said
nothing. Tony looked at Josh.
   "Did you want to rest of your stuff? It's all packed if you want it."
Tony told him. JC half shook his head.
   "Actually Tony, I wanted to talk to you if I could please." Tony nodded
and sat down across from JC and looked at him.
   "Tony, when was the last time you ate?" JC asked.
   "I dunno, when did you leave?"
   "You haven't eatten for four days?" JC asked amazed and worried.
   "Is that how long it's been, it only seems like a day or two, but then
again, days and nights seem to blur lately. What day is it?"
   "It's Tuesday Tony." Lynn spoke up. Tony nodded and shrugged.
   "Yeah it would be four days then I guess." Tony said thoughtfully.
   "Tone, I'm..." JC started.
   "Josh, don't bother, you made it clear how you feel and what you think."
Tony told him flatly.
   "I'm sorry Tony. I said things..." JC started again.
   "You didn't mean?" Tony finished. JC looked down realising how cliched
what he was saying was.
   "Yeah. I didn't mean them. I've been given a wake up call by the others,
I was an asshole and did and said things that weren't right. I don't expect
that you will ever forgive me for them, but I want you to at least know that
I am so very sorry Tone. I mean it, I honestly do. For someone who is meant
to love you, I have a fucked up way of showing it don't I."
   "I guess you do Josh, I guess it is pretty fucked up. Though for some
reason, which my psychiatrist is still trying to work out, I still love you
Josh. I don't know if I can forgive you now, because I did the day you left.
You know that I will forgive you for everything you do, you know that's who
I am. Granted I am probably a bit full of myself at the moment. I guess what
you did and said reminded me that I am only human. It took me down a few
pegs which I guess I needed. I'm still hurt by the way you did it, by just
up and leaving me. I wished you'd just sat and talked to me instead of
exploding then leaving." Tony said, hurt flashing through his eyes, along
with a spark of the life and love that JC remembered that used to shine from
them.
   "Fuck Tony, what happened to us? We were in love... are we still?" JC
asked plaintively.
   "I don't know Josh. I thought we were, we've just had a hard time lately.
I know that I still am in love with you Josh." Tony said looking JC in the
eye, his own eyes filling with tears. JC stood and moved over and squatted
on his haunches in front of Tony.
   "Tony, I love you as much today as I did the day I met you. I love you
today as much as I did when we first made love, I love you as much today as
I did when I asked you to marry me." JC told him looking into his eyes. "I
love you Tony Scott, but I don't know if I can stay with you. We are forever
fighting lately and it's going to tear us and the band apart. I know that if
the band fell apart, one day I would end up resenting you for it and we'd
have to go through this pain again. It doesn't mean I love you any less, it
just means that I think we are better off apart." JC told Tony honestly.
Tony looked JC in the eyes.
   "So that's it, the dream comes to an end?"
   "I guess so Tone. My Tony dreams are at an end."
   "Josh, please no, don't leave me."
   "I'm sorry Tony. I can't live on in the nightmare that seems to surround
us all the time. I can't live this way."
   "You just said you loved me."
   "I told you why I'm leaving too."
   "Get out Josh. Get out." Tony told JC, his voice breaking, tears falling
freely down over his cheeks.
   "Tony..." JC tried.
   "Josh, just go please. Leave me alone." Tony cried. "As you said, the
dream is over. My JC dreams are over and at an end. Goodbye Joshua Scott
Chasez, I love you." With that, Tony leant over and kissed JC on the
forehead then stood and left the room. Lynn sat back out of the way, her
tears causing her eyeliner to run down over her cheeks. JC looked at her for
support.
   "JC, I don't know what you're hoping to achieve, but you just lost the
best thing in your life. No one will ever love you as much or totally as
Tony does." She told him.
   "I hope you can live with your decision." Lynn told him and stood and
walked out of the room. JC sat down heavily on the ground and sat there, not
knowing what to do.

An hour later, JC heard someone moving about and looked up. Tony was
standing there with his bags.
   "I'll see you later Josh." Tony told him.
   "Tony..."
   "I'm going home, and I'm going to find another job teaching. I don't need
to sing to be happy, I just need to be me, I'm not the musician, I'm not the
performer, I'm the teacher. It was fun while it lasted though." Tony put out
his hand to JC with an envelope in it.
   "Can you give this to the others for me?" Tony asked. JC took it and
nodded.
   "Goodbye Mr Chasez, I hope you have a pleseant day. Thank you for your
help and time."
   "Goodbye Mr Scott, it was a dream." JC replied.
   "Except this is the end of JC dreams." Tony said sadly and walked out the
door.

As Tony stood in the elevator he saw JC come tearing out of the room and
down the corridor and into the elevator. JC wrapped his arms around Tony and
held him tight. To his disappointment, Tony didn't return the passion.
Instead, Tony stood there inanimate, as though a statue only. When the
elevator reached the lobby, JC finally let go and kissed Tony on the
forehead.
   "I still love you Tone. What flight do you leave on."
   "ORL335"
   "Okay, do you mind if I see you off?" JC asked desperately.
   "Josh, I think it'd be better for both of us if you didn't." Tony walked
out of the elevator and across the lobby. JC followed closely behind him as
Tony hailed down a cab. Throwing his suitcases in the trunk, JC kept trying
to persuade him to stay. Finally he broke down,
   "Tony, I'm begging now. I need you here."
   "Josh, you're making a spectacle of yourself in public. Begging is not
becoming of you. I'll see you later." Tony told him as he climbed into the
cab. As the cab pulled off Tony looked back for a moment and waved.

Tony waited for his flight to be called and felt mildly bemused at the
thought of how he life over the past months had turned out. He had lost his
job, met a nice guy, got a new career, got engaged to his guy, then had his
entire life fall apart. Nutshelled, it seemed a little empty, but that's
just the way life is he guessed. The boarding call came and Tony stood and
headed for the gate and as he was walking through, heard someone call his
name, turning he saw JC standing there.
   "Don't go."
   "Goodbye Josh." Was all Tony could say as he walked away and onto the
plane. JC stood there watching his life walk away.

Arriving back at the hotel JC slumped down into the couch and finding that
he needed something do to fill in the time as it passed he watched the news.
There was some woman on talking about not much important.
   "And in breaking news, flight ORL335 set to Orlando has crashed with no
survivors. The details are still sketchy, but it appears engine failure was
the cause. We repeat flight ORL335 has crashed, with no survivors." JC sat
there and so quietly cried until his tears were gone. He slipped into a
dreamless sleep where all he could hear were his and Tony's words.

   "My Tony dreams are at an end."

and then Tony's voice

   "Except this is the end of JC dreams."