Date: Sun, 23 Dec 2001 10:29:13 -0500
From: Writer Boy <writerboy69@hotmail.com>
Subject: jc's hitchhiker - part 35

Obligatory warnings and disclaimers:

1) If reading this is in any way illegal where you are or at your age, or
you don't want to read about male/male relationships, go away. You
shouldn't be here.

2) I don't know any of the celebrities in this story, and this story in no
way is meant to imply anything about their sexualities, personalities, or
anything else.  This is a work of pure fiction. In addition to not knowing
any celebrities, I feel the need to point out for the purposes of this
chapter that I don't know any of their families, either.

Questions and commentary can be sent to "writerboy69@hotmail.com". I've
enjoyed hearing from all of you.

OK, back to the sideshow in progress.

***

Josh's family didn't live right in Chicago, like I had thought. They lived
outside, in a very nice suburb on the lake. Their house was large, but not
too big, with a garage behind and a dock and boathouse out back. Josh
explained that the only thing in the boathouse was a rowboat that had come
with it, and that we could take it out, but probably shouldn't go too far,
as no one knew if it was very seaworthy. I had thought Josh was from the
Maryland area, and he explained that his parents had moved after the band
started to get big, because they wanted some normalcy returned to their
lives.

"Girls used to show up at our house and rip grass out of the lawn," he
said, smiling. "It was bad for Heather and Tyler, too."

I nodded understandingly, although I really couldn't imagine what it might
be like to wake up in the morning and find people camped out on your front
lawn, or looking through your trash. Josh pulled the car around the house
to the garage, and I suddenly realized I was not only scared, but
unprepared for this.

"We'll get your bags out later," Josh said, turning toward me. "Hey, you're
pale. You ok?"

"Josh, I can't go in," I said. "I didn't bring anything. It's rude."

He laughed, and took my hand.

"Guests bring gifts, Jack," he said, kissing me on the nose. "You're
family."

We climbed out of the car, and Josh immediately took my hand again.

"Your hand is shaking," he said. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Josh, I've never done this," I confessed. "What if they don't like me?"

Josh pressed me against him, wrapping his strong arms around me. I could
feel his chest, breathing against mine as we stood, cheek to cheek, in the
garage.

"Jack, they already like you," he said, running his hands up and down my
back. "They just need to put a face with the name."

Still holding my hand, Josh led me out of the garage and up the sidewalk
toward the back of the house. The sky was darkening toward twilight, but
the lights inside the house glowed warmly. We walked into a back hallway,
and I smelled a lot of food and heard a television running somewhere in the
background.

"We're home!" Josh yelled, leading me into the kitchen.

As we entered from one side, Josh's family, mom, dad, and brother, entered
from the other, and we stopped, staring uncertainly at each other. I felt a
little better, realizing that no one else quite knew how this was supposed
to go, either. Josh's mom beamed at us, while his dad smiled a little
uncertainly, and his brother stared me up and down, as if appraising me.

"Jack, this is my family," Josh said, not letting go of my hand. "This is
my mom, Karen, my dad, Roy, and my brother, Tyler. Guys, this is Jack."

"Hi," I said uncertainly as they all stared at me. Stressed, I blurted the
first words that popped into my head. "I forgot to bring something."

Josh burst out laughing, and suddenly everyone was moving at once. Karen
rushed over to me and wrapped me up in a hug as Roy and Tyler followed
behind her. Josh stepped out of the way and just smiled, taking it all
in. I didn't think I'd ever seen him look so happy.

"It's so nice to finally meet you," Karen said, squeezing me like she
wanted to snap my ribs. She stepped back, arms on my shoulders, and looked
me up and down, and then hugged me again. "Joshua has told us so much about
you in the past couple of days! You have to tell us all about yourself."

She stepped back, and Josh's dad grabbed my hand, shaking it vigorously. I
tried to squeeze his back as hard as he squeezed mine, so he wouldn't think
I was some sort of pansy.

"I'm Josh's dad," he said, pumping my arm up and down. "Welcome to the
family, Jack.  You can call me Roy."

"And you can call me Mom, if you want," Karen said, peering over his
shoulder. "Or Karen, if you prefer."

"OK," I muttered uncertainly. I didn't come from a very physically
affectionate family, and Josh's had their hands all over me, it seemed.

Tyler stepped up in front of me. I'd seen pictures of him in Josh's
apartment, but didn't realize he was so big. He was about twenty, but was
built on a much stockier scale than Josh was. Still, you could tell they
were related. He eyed me up and down again, offering his hand.

"So, you're Josh's boyfriend," he said, shaking my hand.

"Yeah," I answered, unsure of his tone.

"That must be really awful for you," he said, smiling. "I'm so, so sorry
for you."

"Jerk!" Josh screeched, grabbing him in a headlock. The two of them
wrestled across the kitchen as Josh screamed that he was going to give him
"noogies" and rubbed furiously at Tyler's head.

"Boys!" Karen said, jerking them both to a stop. She was smiling. "We have
company!  Tyler, come help me get dinner out. Jack, do you want to wash
your face or freshen up?  Joshua, show him where the bathroom is! He's been
on a plane all day. I raised you to be a better host than that! And get him
a drink, too."

Roy wandered out of sight to shut the television off, rolling his eyes, as
Josh pulled me down the hallway to a bathroom. As soon as we were inside,
he shut the door, and I had time to take about one deep breath before I
found his tongue in my mouth. I sighed against him, pulling his head close,
oblivious to the sink digging into my back. Josh finally pulled back, and I
stared into his glassy eyes.

"I've been waiting to do that since the plane landed," he said.

"I don't think we should do it in here, with your family right down the
hall," I said.

"Still scared, or do you feel better now?" he asked, smiling.

"Oh, I'm still scared, but in a whole different way," I answered, smiling
back.

"Jerk," he said, kissing my forehead.

"What are you gonna do about it?" I asked, kissing his neck. "Give me
noogies?"

"You wish," he laughed.

We were interrupted by knocking on the bathroom door. I pulled it open, and
Tyler grinned at us.

"Mom says dinner is ready," he said, giggling. "Are you two making out in
there?"

"No!" Josh blurted as the two of us blushed bright red.

"Kids," Tyler said, shaking his head as he walked away down the hall.

Josh looked mortified, but I cracked up, still laughing as we joined his
family at the table.  Dinner was good, very laid back and friendly, and
Karen and Roy made a point of explaining to me who anyone they happened to
mention was. They asked a lot of questions about me, where I'd grown up,
where I lived now, where I'd gone to school, and what my future plans were,
among other things. They started grilling me on current events when Josh
put a stop to it.

"Mom, dad, is the inquisition over?" he asked, taking my hand. "Can we have
dessert now?"

"Josh, it's ok," I said quickly. "Really, I don't mind answering
questions."

"We just wanted to get to know you a little better," Roy said, shrugging.

"Tyler, why don't you clear the table while I put some coffee on, and
Joshua, you can unload the car and get Jack settled in upstairs," Karen
suggested.

"Can I help out with anything?" I asked, standing as they did.

"No, of course not," Karen said, smiling. "Tonight you're still a guest."

"Which means tomorrow she'll have you chopping firewood or scrubbing the
bathroom," Josh said, taking my hand and leading me toward the back
door. "We'll be back!"

Karen had picked out the bedroom across the hall from Josh's to serve as my
guestroom.  As much as I wanted to share the bed with Josh, especially
after being separated for so long, I also wanted to be respectful of his
parents. I think Josh was worried that I might be offended, because he
quickly explained that nobody got to share a bedroom with a significant
other, but I quickly assured him that I didn't think his parents were
silently disapproving by putting me across the hall. After we brought my
bags in, we rejoined Josh's family in the dining room for coffee and pie,
and then they all decided that we should play board games. We played
several games of "Clue", all five of us, as I wondered how people could be
so different. I had never played a board game with my family. With baby
sitters, yes, but with my actual parents? No way.

Eventually everyone started yawning and drifting upstairs to bed, and I
followed, even though I wasn't tired. My body thought it was still several
hours earlier, but I decided to just read in my room until I fell
asleep. The boys hugged their parents goodnight before heading to their
rooms, and Karen and Roy surprised me again by hugging me as well, telling
me they'd see me in the morning. I went up and got changed, and nodded
goodnight to Tyler as we passed in the hallway when I went to go brush my
teeth. I had just settled into my bed in a t-shirt and boxers, sheet pulled
up to my waist, and was opening my book when someone knocked on my door.

"Come in," I said, and smiled when I saw it was Josh.

"Hi there," he said, closing the door behind him. He sat down on the bed,
on top of the covers, and leaned in to kiss me, quickly, softly, on the
mouth.

"You taste like toothpaste," I said, running my tongue catlike up the side
of his face.

"So do you," he said, leaning back against me. I loved having a man who
liked to cuddle.  "I just wanted to come in and tell you goodnight."

"Is that all you wanted?" I asked, stroking his hair as he lay with his
head against my chest.

"While mom and dad are home, yes," he answered, grinning. "But once they
leave the house, you're mine."

"They go to work on Monday, right?" I asked.

"Really early," Josh answered, his hand on my chest.

"What about Tyler?" I asked.

"We'll make him go outside and play," Josh answered wickedly. I laughed at
the thought of his brother, a college student, being told to go outside and
play.

"Thank you for asking me to come out here, Josh," I said.

"Thanks for coming out," he said. "I told you my parents would love you."

"I know," I said, sighing. "They're great people, Josh. This is just so not
like what I'm used to. I don't want them to think I'm being standoffish or
something."

"They won't," Josh said, staring up at me. "I told them about your family.
It won't be like that here, I promise."

"I love you, Josh," I said, and suddenly found myself with tears welling up
in my eyes.

Josh saw them, and flicked a hand up to my cheek, wiping one of them away.

"Jack?" he asked, sitting up. He pulled me forward, wrapping his arms
around me, and I laid my head on his shoulder as he smoothed his hands in
circles over my back. "Jack, what's wrong? Please tell me."

I didn't know what was wrong. I just suddenly felt like crying.

"I don't know, Josh," I answered. "I guess I just, you know, I missed you a
lot, and it's been a really bad week."

"It's ok, Jack, I'm here now," he said. "Everything will be ok. Do you want
to talk about it?"

"In the morning, Josh," I said, swiping at my eyes with my hand. "We can
talk about it all tomorrow, when you're awake, and I've had a good night's
sleep."

"Ok," he said, snuggling back against me.

We stayed like that for a while, until he began to nod off, and I sent him
back across the hall to his bed, telling him I wasn't getting in trouble
with mom and dad on my first night here. We kissed goodnight, twice, in the
dark hallway. When I went back to my room, I checked my phone, which I had
turned off for a while, and found voice messages from Carla, Joey, Chris,
and Lance, all wishing me luck. I wanted to cry all over again, and
wondered again what was wrong with me. The week must have hit me a lot
harder than I thought.

When I woke up the house was quiet. I took a quick shower and got dressed,
and walked quietly downstairs. I had slept a lot later than I usually would
have, and felt bad. What if they had a family breakfast or something, and I
missed it? That wasn't a good way to make an impression. I walked quickly
to the kitchen, not seeing anyone, but I smelled coffee.

"There are cups in the cabinet to the left of the sink," Karen said from
behind me.

"Thanks," I said. I hadn't seen her sitting at the little side table,
reading the paper. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Jack," she said, watching me over the top of her page. "How
did you sleep?"

"Good, thank you," I said, pouring myself a cup of coffee. "It's quiet.
Where is everyone?"

"Tyler wanted to go shopping, and Roy went with him," she answered. "Josh
is out back somewhere, with the dog. Jack, why don't you come sit with me
for a minute?"

"Sure," I said, joining her at the table.

She lowered the paper, and smiled at me.

"Jack, how do you feel about my son?" she asked.

"I love him," I answered, not hesitating.

"Good," she said, smiling. "I'm a mother, Jack, and while all mothers love
their children and want them to be happy, I like to think that I love mine
even more than most. I like you, Jack, which is good, but Josh loves you,
and that's even better. Jack, Josh has told me about you two, and while I
think he's left out a few parts that he probably thought his old mom didn't
need to hear, I can read between the lines. I can also read the things
behind the things he says, Jack. Josh loves you more than I've ever seen
him love anyone, and now that I've seen you, and watched the way you look
at him, I can see that it goes both ways."

I didn't know what to say.

"Jack, Joshua told me that you were worried about coming to meet us," she
continued.  "He also told me that he was pretty worried about coming to
tell us, and that you supported him fully on whatever he decided. I just
want you to know that Roy and I talked about this after Josh told us, and
again last night, and you have our blessing.  We've seen a few girls come
in and out of Josh's life, and even though you're the first boy we figured
the same rules still apply. You seem like a pretty level person, and you
have your own life. Whatever you want from Josh, it isn't to use him to get
yourself somewhere."

"I, um, thank you," I said. "All I want is for Josh to be happy. I don't
want anything from him except for what he wants to give me."

"I was hoping you'd say something like that. And now, if you want to top
off your coffee, you'll probably find my son out on the other side of the
boathouse," she said, picking the paper up again. "And just in case you
didn't notice, none of the neighbors can see you from there, so feel free
to be yourselves."

Did she just give us permission to make out behind the boathouse? I decided
not to think about it as I filled my cup to the top and carried it
carefully through the backyard. I heard the dog barking off behind the
boathouse, and carefully walked around the side, praying I wouldn't slip
and slide into the lake. God only knew how filthy the water was. Josh was
sitting on a big, double bench swing on the other side, tossing a ball
across the lawn. The dog, whose name I had missed, retrieved it, and Josh
threw it again.

"Morning," I said, walking up behind him. "Is there room on that bench for
me?"

"If there wasn't, you could sit on my lap," he answered as I slid down next
to him.

Josh put an arm around my shoulders, and handed me the ball with his other
hand. I tossed it across the yard, and watched as the dog ran after it.

"He's just going to want you to throw it again," Josh said.

"That's ok," I said. "I like dogs."

"We should get one," Josh said, tossing the tennis ball again. I looked
away. "Jack?"

"I'm sorry, Josh," I said, sipping my coffee. "This is just going to be
really hard for me. I kept some stuff from you, and I did it because I
thought I was protecting you, but I think I still should have told you all
along."

Josh sighed, and took my hand.

"Jack, do you remember when I told you about dancing with those guys, and
letting them kiss me?" he asked, turning my head toward his, so that I was
staring right into his eyes. I nodded. "Do you remember what you said to
me?"

"That I didn't mind?" I asked.

"No, before that, before I even told you," he said. "You told me that even
if it was something you didn't want to hear, you needed to hear it anyway,
because we needed to be honest with each other. I want to tell you the same
thing, Jack, right now. Whatever it is you're about to say, just tell
me. I'll stay here the whole time, and I won't scream at you, and I won't
get mad, and we'll just get through it and past it, just like you did for
me, ok?"

"OK," I said, squeezing his hand.

Having two enormous secrets to share, it was hard for me to choose between
them, but in the end I decided to prioritize, and start with the one that
most directly affected Josh and I, so I told him about Peyton's letters. I
started at the beginning, with the one that had come to my apartment, and
took him all the way up through the last one, and then the scene at the
diner, and the part about Basil Morgan and his stupid exclusive story. I
explained about how I had hid the letters from him, because at first I
didn't think they were serious, and then later on how it never seemed like
a good time to bring it up. I talked about how I thought I was protecting
him, but how things had just gotten worse, and then I told him how I began
to suspect everyone, and to lose sight of my objectivity. I explained about
the fight with Chris, and my mini-breakdown with Joey, and how the two of
them had snuck around behind my back to pull me through it.

At some point during the story, I realized that I was crying again, not
great, body-shaking sobs, but little trickles, and I couldn't seem to stop
them. Through it all, Josh kept one arm around my shoulders, and kept
holding onto my hand. He continued to push the swing gently back and forth
with his foot. The dog, apparently giving up on fetch after the two of us
forgot to keep throwing the ball, lay at our feet, the tennis ball between
his two front paws. Each time the swing drifted closer to him, his tail
would wag once, as if he was sure we were about to reach down and pick the
ball up again. I smiled at his hopefulness.

Abruptly the words just stopped flowing from my mouth, and I realized I'd
reached the end of that half of my story. Josh stared at me, his face
twisted, brow wrinkled, and he carefully wiped my tears away with his
fingers again.

"Josh, what are we going to do?" I asked.

"About Basil Morgan?" he asked.

I nodded.

"That can wait," he said. "You went through all of that, all that worrying
and being afraid, because you didn't want to upset me?"

"Yes," I said, looking away. He squeezed my hand. "I thought it was
nothing, and that since it was directed at me that I could handle it, and
it wouldn't ever be a problem for you at all."

"Jack, if it's a problem for you, then it's a problem for me," Josh said.
"You don't ever have to protect me from anything, and you never, ever have
to face something alone. I've told you before, Jack, you are my heart. That
doesn't just count when we're having dinner, or watching TV, or making
love. You and I are together, we're one.  Even though we're not married,
you're stuck with me, Jack, and that includes the bad times, too."

"But I hid that from you," I said. "You're not mad?"

"I'm not happy about it, no, but I'm not mad at you, exactly," Josh said,
pulling me tighter against him. "I guess I've just spent so much time
leaning on you that I never showed you that you can lean on me, too. I have
to ask you something, though. I watched your face when you told me that
story, Jack. Do you still love Peyton?"

I thought about this for a minute, trying to put the words together.

"I don't think I ever loved Peyton, not the real one," I said. "I loved the
idea of Peyton, the boy I thought was there. Peyton was the first boy I
ever really thought I loved, Josh, and it blinded me. When I was with him,
I only saw what I wanted to see, and most of the time that was just what he
wanted me to see. Even still, that's not the kind of thing that you ever
really let go of, not completely."

Josh sighed.

"The other day, though, when I saw him, I realized something else, too," I
continued.  "The part of Peyton that I loved, the thing I thought I saw in
him, died a long, long time ago. It may not have ever been there at
all. I'm sorry he's in so much pain, and I'm sorry he's dying, but that's
all I felt when I looked at him. That's all I saw.  Just that I was
sorry. Whatever I might have felt for him before is in the past, on the far
side of a wall I can't climb over. I've moved on, even if he never has. And
even when I was with him, Josh, even when I thought the whole world
revolved around what he wanted and what made him happy, I never felt, not
even for a minute, what I feel every second of every day that I'm with
you."

"You mean that?" he asked, kissing my forehead.

"Josh, I loved a part of him," I said. "But it was only a part. I am a part
of you. I love all of you."

We sat on the swing in silence again, leaning on each other.

"What about the rest of it, Josh?" I asked. "Basil Morgan is going to out
you. He knows about us, and at some point he's going to have more than
rumor to back it up. What are we going to do about it?"

"I don't know," Josh answered. "I need to think about that. I do know that
we're never giving him that story. Never."

"Nope," I agreed.

"I'm sorry you had all of that happen, Jack," Josh began, but I cut him
off.

"That's not all, Josh, and you're really not going to want to hear the rest
of this," I said, wishing I didn't have to tell him. It was bitterly ironic
that I had lectured Justin about the truth setting people free, and now all
I wanted to do was bury it. "Josh, Lance is in a hospital."

"What?" he asked, eyes wide with concern. "Is he ok?"

"He will be," I answered. "For now, he's out of the immediate crisis."

"The immediate crisis?" Josh asked, confused. "Does he have some disease or
something? How did he end up in the hospital?"

"I took him," I answered. "I was afraid of what he might do to himself."

"Do to himself? You mean like," Josh began, but his voice trailed off. I
nodded gravely at him. "But why? Why would he do that? I know he was
unhappy, but never like that.  What happened? Why would he want to do that
to himself?"

I swallowed, wishing I hadn't finished my coffee during the last story.

"Because of Justin," I said quietly.

"What?" Josh blurted.

"He almost did it because of Justin," I repeated.

I told Josh the whole story, leaving nothing out, and watched his face
twist as I described what I had seen, and how it had made me feel. I told
him about my chats with Justin, and my observations of Justin's behavior. I
had thought that I'd cried out all my tears during the last story, but
somehow fresh ones came to my eyes when I talked about the talk I had on
Lance's bathtub with him, and I looked over and realized that Josh was
crying, too. I finally finished tell it, much quicker than I would have
thought possible, and Josh turned to me.

"Jack, that can't be true," he said. "Justin wouldn't do that, he couldn't
be like that."

"Josh, I saw it," I said, shaking my head. "I saw it, and he bragged to me
about it afterward."

"No, Jack, you have to be mistaken somehow," Josh said, shaking his head.
"You have to be."

"No mistake, actually," Justin said from behind us. We both spun, jumping
out of the swing, and the dog jumped up, too. "Every word Jack just told
you is true."

"Justin, what are you doing here?" I asked, completely baffled. Where had
he come from?

"I came to tell the truth, like you said," Justin answered. "I thought."

He didn't get to tell us what he thought, because he was cut off by Josh's
tackle.

"You son of a bitch!" Josh yelled, punching Justin in the stomach.

Eyes wide, Justin skittered back away from Josh, stepping onto the dock.

"Josh, stop!" I yelled, grabbing for his arm. He jerked away from me,
lunging for Justin.

"Motherfucker!" Josh yelled, tackling him.

The two of them rolled off the end of the dock, and into the lake. The
water closed over them.

***

More to come soon.