Date: Sat, 05 Feb 2000 22:10:31 CST
From: Peter Kamphuis <rh_chan@hotmail.com>
Subject: Kevin and Justin - Chapter 10

All the usual disclaimers apply:  Please stop reading if you are
underage or homophobic.

This is a work of fiction - nothing is being implied about the
sexuality of any of the people portrayed below.

Author's notes:
---------------

Well, it's been a long time coming, but here's Chapter 10!

That's the good news...

Now for the bad...

This is going to be hard to say, but I guess I have to...  It
might soon be time to wrap this story up.  There hasn't been a lot
of feedback lately, and only one person has given me any
constructive criticism...  I can only assume that I'm getting to
the end of my run, and everyone has either lost interest, or I've
lost 'the plot'...

I'll try to keep going, as I think there's a lot more to write
about in this relationship, but unless there's an indication from
any/all of you that I'm not wasting my time, then I'll start
thinking of a 'wrap-up' chapter to end the series on.

Regardless, it has been fun (and nerve-wracking on occasion!) to
put my 'vision' into print, even if it's only 'electronic'.
Thanks for all your ongoing support and comments.

Oh, and finally, I have to apologise for the lengthy 'Previously:'
section below, but I have to cover everything of importance that
happened in the previous chapter...

-Peter

***************************************

Previously:

Kevin reaches the hotel, where he collapses onto his bed in
exhaustion.  He cries his heart out at the unfairness of not being
with Justin, and ends up falling into an exhausted sleep.

After rehearsals and an extremely long interview, Justin and the
others get back to the hotel.  'N Sync go to bed, but Justin finds
himself leading the BSB guys to his room to check up on Kev.  He
asks them to wait outside while he checks.

He discovers his Boo has cried himself to sleep and breaks down
himself.

A.J. and the others wait for a long time for Justin to come back
out, but he doesn't.  Finally A.J. takes the initiative and says
that he'll check on Kev and gets the guys to wait in his room.

He discovers Justin crying over Kevin's bed, and realises that
Justin loves Kev.  When he tries to comfort Justin, Justin points
to Kevin's pillow and A.J. finds out that Kevin has cried himself
to sleep.  He breaks down in shock, as he finally grasps that Kev
is hurting badly.

He gets Justin into bed, and then apologises to Kevin, even though
Kev is asleep, before leaving.  Before he goes, he looks back and
hears Justin softly cry out 'Boo' in a hurt voice.

He starts crying harder and flees the room.  He runs back to his
suite and locks himself into his bedroom, shocking the guys who
were waiting for him.

Nick gets upset hearing A.J. crying into his pillow and runs back
to his own room, where he also ends up crying himself to sleep.
Brian is left to sleep on the couch.

The next morning, Brian heads over and fills Kevin in on what
happened the night before.  As he relates the story, he starts
crying, and Kevin tells him to go to sleep, as Brian got very
little sleep during the night.

Kevin notices the stain marks caused by Brian's tears and
instantly recognises them as being the same as those he saw on
Justin's sheets and pillows when he woke up that morning.  He
falls apart as he realises that Justin has also cried himself to
sleep.

Meanwhile, Nick wakes up and jumps to the conclusion that Kevin
may have died last night!  He races across to Kev's suite and is
happy to see that Kev is alive.  But when he notices how much pain
Kevin is in, he starts sobbing.  Kevin has to drag him out of the
bedroom, so that he doesn't wake up the sleepers.

Nick confesses his fears to Kevin.  Kevin apologises to him,
causing Nick to vehemently proclaim that Kevin doesn't need to
apologise for anything!  When Kevin finally escapes from Nick's
death-like grip, he attempts to lighten the situation.  Privately,
Nick wonders how much longer Kevin can live with such pain before
going insane...  or dying!


Kevin & Justin - Chapter 10
---------------------------

Sleep hadn't been kind to A.J...   He woke up sore, tired and the
same way he had gone to sleep: crying.

He couldn't stop the tears from falling as he recalled the scene
in Kevin's and Justin's bedroom the night before.  Not only was
Kevin hurting so much that he had cried himself to sleep, but
Justin's love for Kev was so poignant that he felt a sense of awe
and tragedy.

He had never thought that Justin was gay.  It just wasn't
something that he would consider of a person he had just met.  But
that didn't worry him; Justin's sexuality was his own concern.

What worried him was that Justin's love, which had shone forth so
clearly last night, might not be returned.  He didn't know the way
Kevin expressed his sexuality; he hadn't really paid any attention
to whether Kev looked more at men or women.  Hell, until the other
day, he hadn't paid much attention to Kevin, full stop!

It wouldn't bother him if Kevin were gay.  He wasn't one to worry
about things he couldn't change.  Just like no-one would be able
to convince him to give up women, he knew no-one could convince a
gay man to give up men.  It was just a fact of life.

But if Kevin wasn't gay and didn't feel the same way as Justin,
then Justin would die!  Maybe not in a physical sense, although
depression was known to be the cause of many suicides, but
certainly in a metaphysical way.

A.J. was a firm believer in 'souls' and 'soulmates'.  He knew that
Justin's 'soul' would die if Kevin did not love him in the same
way.  Even Justin's closest friends wouldn't be able to prevent
him from losing the sparkle that made him uniquely 'him'.

He closed his eyes and felt the tears start falling again as he
replayed the scene.  Justin's heartbroken look as he lay staring
at Kevin, with the tears coursing down his face was enough to
bring a stronger man than A.J. to his knees.

A sudden knock on the front door brought him back to his senses.

"Yeah?" he called, as he walked out to the front door, wiping away
his tears and trying to make himself presentable.

He opened the door on Lance's smiling face.

"Morning!  Will you be joining us for breakfast?" Lance asked.

"Yeah, I'll be there.  Just got to shower first."

"Okay.  It's going to be in Kev's room again, in around 15
minutes."

A.J. opened his mouth and closed it just as quickly.  He couldn't
say anything without having to explain why he didn't think it was
a good idea.  He just nodded.  Lance nodded back and moved on.

*-*-*

Lance smiled and walked over to the next door, hearing A.J.'s door
close in the background.  His smile evaporated as he considered
what he had just seen.  A.J.'s eyes were puffy, as if from crying,
and his clothes looked heavily creased and rumpled - he must have
slept in them...

And his reaction at where they'd be eating, though swiftly
covered, was deeply unsettling...

*-*-*

Howie was awoken from his restless sleep by a knocking on the
door.

He made his way to the front door almost on autopilot.

"Yeah?" he croaked, trying to blink the heavy fog out of his eyes.

Lance's smiling face was not welcome this early in the morning.
"Wakey, wakey sunshine.  It's time to head off for breakfast and
then some more rehearsals.  Oh yeah!"

"I hate you Lance.  Go away."

Lance chuckled.  "If you're going to join us for breakfast, it
will be in Kev's room in around 15 minutes.  Otherwise, just sleep
in for another half hour, then get ready."

Howie closed the door on Lance's bright and cheery face, without
bothering to acknowledge him.  He would have dearly loved to get
more sleep, but he knew from past experience that 'concert day'
was a hell of a day to get through without breakfast.

*-*-*

Kevin opened the door and saw a waiter standing outside with a
trolley full of food.  He indicated that the waiter could enter.

"Thanks," he said, giving the waiter his tip and closing the door
behind him.

He walked over and sat down next to Nick on the couch.

"Are you going to wake the others?" Nick asked.  He and Kevin had
settled back down to a semblance of normality.

"No.  They'll be here soon enough I think."  At Nick's confused
look, he explained.  "I didn't order the food, so I'm guessing
that Lance or Joey are responsible.  They'd have also woken
everyone up by now."

"Ah," said Nick.

A knock on the door at that moment was enough to set them
grinning.

Nick got up and waved Kevin to sit back down.  He opened the door
to see a concerned looking Lance.

Lance's face miraculously cleared as he noticed Nick.  "Oh, so
there you are!  I didn't get any answer when I called your room.
And no-one opened the door when I knocked earlier.  I was starting
to get worried."

Nick let him walk past him, into the lounge room.  "No, I'm right
here," he said unnecessarily.

"Is Brian here too?  I don't see him..." asked Lance, glancing at
both Nick and Kevin.

"Morning Lance," Kevin said, causing Lance to blush at his bad
manners.  "Yes, Brian is also here, but he's catching up on a few
extra minutes of sleep."  Kevin didn't feel like telling Lance
that Brian had been asleep now for nearly an hour.

"Oh okay.  Morning guys, sorry about that."

Both Nick and Kevin indicated it wasn't a problem.

"The others should be here any moment," Lance continued.  He
spotted the trolley and walked over and started piling food onto a
plate.

Nick thought that was a wonderful idea and joined him.

Kevin looked back over his shoulder at the closed bedroom door.
Though he didn't feel like walking back in there, he knew he had
to.  If someone else went in there to wake them, they'd see the
wet spots on his bed from Brian's tears, and the dry tear stain
marks on Justin's bed.

He got up and opened the door to the bedroom, hesitating only for
a moment before going in.

He walked up to his own bed first and gently shook his cousin.
"Brian, it's time for breakfast."  Brian's eyes opened slightly.
"Do you want to get up, or rest some more?  We have to leave in
about 30 minutes.  That won't leave you much time to shower, eat
and pack."

Brian sat up.  "Can I use your bathroom?"

Kevin looked across to Justin.  "As long as you're quick.  Justin
will also need to grab a shower."

Brian nodded.

Kevin stood up and located a robe and boxers for Brian.  He handed
them over and let Brian stumble into the ensuite.

He approached Justin's bed, every step feeling heavier than the
last.

Before he could reach out to touch Justin, the bedroom door opened
and JC pushed his head in.

"Hi Kev.  Trying to wake Sleeping Beauty are you?" Josh asked as
he approached Justin's bed and looked down at the sleeping figure.

He didn't notice the mixture of relief and pain that quickly
crossed Kevin's features.

"Umm, yeah Josh."

"That's okay.  I can do it if you'd like?  You go out and grab
some breakfast.  Nick said that you'd been up for a while now -
you must be starving."

Kevin would have loved to tell JC where to go, but knew he had no
right to step in between the two lovers.

"Okay Josh.  Thanks."

He hastily left the room before his emotions could be observed.
He had to pause at the doorway to compose himself before stepping
out into the lounge.

*-*-*

JC sat down on Justin's bed and made sure that Kevin had left the
room.  He didn't want Kevin to see what he did next.

The others often joked that there were only two ways to wake
Justin, but JC knew that there was at least one other way.  He
gently reached across and started rubbing Justin's ear.  That
always woke him.

As Justin's eyes popped open, JC's attention was drawn to a couple
of funny looking marks on the bedsheets.

"Morning sunshine.  What're these?" he asked the sleepy figure,
pointing to the marks.  He noticed that there were similar marks
on Justin's pillow.  "And these?"  His finger moved to point to
the pillow.

Justin looked down curiously at what JC was pointing at, and
remembered!

He broke into fresh tears and rolled over to cover his face.

JC put two and two together...

"Oh Curly.  What happened?  You didn't cry yourself to sleep did
you?" he asked, feeling his heart tighten in sympathy to Justin's
crying.

Justin could only nod.  He stretched out his arm and pointed to
the other bed.

Curious, JC got up and looked at the other bed.  He saw matching
marks on Kevin's pillow and sheets.  He blinked in confusion.  Why
had they both cried themselves to sleep?

He sat back down on Justin's bed and stroked his back.  "Just,
what happened?  Why was Kevin crying?  Why were *you* crying?"

Justin managed to wipe the tears from his eyes and sat up in his
bed.  JC immediately hugged him tightly before separating and
asking him again, "What happened?"

"Josh, I don't know WHY he was crying!  When we got back last
night I just found him asleep on his bed.  He had cried himself to
sleep!"  His voice trembled in preparation for another sob, but he
controlled himself.  "I just fell apart.  When I saw his face and
the damp areas where his tears had fallen, I just lost it!  I
don't know how long I just stood there crying..."  Fresh tears
fell from his eyes.  "I probably would've still been standing
there if A.J. hadn't come in."

JC didn't like the sound of this.  Kevin didn't know that Justin
was gay, and considering he was asleep last night when Justin fell
apart, he wouldn't have found out.  But A.J.!  A.J. was liable to
figure out why Justin had been crying and might tell Kevin.

"Go on," he prompted gently.

"Well, A.J. came in and saw me standing there, unable to move.
When he spoke, he startled me because I hadn't heard him come in.
He then made sure that Kevin was covered: he probably wasn't
comfortable seeing Kevin in the nude."  Justin could see JC's
shock at that piece of information, but pressed on.  "He then
asked me what was wrong and I could only point at the tear stains
on Kevin's bed.  He saw them and he started crying as well!"

Justin was now too lost in his own thoughts to see the surprise on
JC's face.  JC couldn't imagine A.J. crying, no matter how much he
tried.
"He took it pretty badly I think.  I don't think he appreciated
how much pain Kevin has been feeling until he saw it for himself
last night."  JC only nodded.  "He then noticed that I couldn't
move and helped me into bed.  He had to undress me too, because I
didn't have the energy to do it.  I had cried myself into
exhaustion.

"The last thing I can remember before I fell asleep was that I
loved him so much, but he didn't want me!  He was out of my
reach!"

"Oh Curly," whispered JC, shattered at the loss his best friend
had suffered.  He reached over and embraced his friend.

They remained like that for several minutes, while Justin gathered
his emotions back under control.

Neither heard the ensuite door open, and Brian step out into the
bedroom.  Brian was surprised to see JC and Justin hugging.
Though Kevin had told him that they were together, something had
been keeping him from believing it...  Now he had the proof before
his eyes.

"I love-"

Justin stopped as he caught sight of Brian, standing there in one
of Kevin's robes.

JC looked up to see what had caused Justin to stop like that, and
also noticed Brian.  He pulled away from the hug quickly and
flushed red in shock.  It was bad enough that A.J. may have
stumbled onto Justin's secret, but depending on how much Brian had
heard, this would be the final nail in the coffin!

Justin's reaction was worse.  He just stared at Brian in horror
before falling back down to the bed and hiding his face in the
pillow, with tears of shame soaking into his pillowcase.   Now
Kevin would know for sure!

Brian, who wasn't expecting JC to be there, hadn't paid any
attention to them until he had stepped out of the ensuite.  All he
had managed to hear was Justin's aborted "I love-" and had jumped
to the conclusion that Justin was about to tell JC, "I love you."
That, added to the guilty flush on JC's face and Justin's
reaction, was enough to convince him that Kevin had been right
about them.

His face turned dark red as his anger flared.  He checked himself
before he did anything stupid - like tell them how much Kevin
loved Justin, and how much hurt he was suffering because of them!
He just stared at the two of them for several long, intense
seconds before he left the room.

*-*-*

A.J. had almost finished eating when he noticed Brian coming out
of the bedroom, wearing one of Kevin's robes, and looking like a
zombie.

'That's odd,' he thought.  'It looks like he's just showered, and
he's still not dressed.  I wonder what he was doing in Kev's
bedroom?"

He was too pre-occupied to worry about it for long.  His other
worries were far worse!  First, he had Nick hanging around him
like a bad smell, trying to cheer him up for some unknown reason!
Well, not really - he could understand why Nick was acting this
way, after he had locked himself into his bedroom last night...

His second problem was that Howie was being extremely uncivil to
everyone, including his own bandmates.  Part of it could be
attributed to a bad night, as Howie looked really bad this
morning.  In fact, he looked just as bad as Brian.  The other part
of it was Howie's natural reluctance to get involved in a problem
unless personally invited to.  Howie was avoiding him as if he had
the plague.

His third and most pressing problem was what he was going to do
about Kevin and Justin...

He sighed inwardly.  He knew that Justin was in love - really in
love - with Kevin, but if Kevin wasn't gay, or even if he was, but
not interested in Justin, then it would cause a lot of heartache.
He couldn't see how the two of them would be able to work together
for the several months that the tour would run.

He needed to do something about this before things deteriorated.

"Kevin, can I please speak to you for a moment?  In private?"

The general level of conversation dipped for a moment, then
renewed as if nothing had happened.

"Sure.  Let's go out to the balcony."

They placed their plates on the coffee table and stood up.  Kevin
led them outside, closing the door and walking over to a table and
chairs situated in the corner.

"What's up?" he asked as he sat down.  He hoped it wouldn't be
about last night...  Though he desperately wanted to know what
A.J. had seen or heard to make him lock himself in his bedroom and
cry, he didn't want to bring it up.  He waited patiently for A.J.
to sit and compose himself.

"Kev, I don't know how to tell you this, or even if I should, but
I think I really need to..."

A.J. stopped, unsure if he was able to go through with it.

"What is it Alex?  What do you need to tell me?" Kevin asked in
concern.

"Well, I discovered something that..."  Again, after having
decided to take the plunge, A.J. petered out.

"A.J. just spit it out," Kevin advised, liking this less and less.

"Justin is gay!"

Kevin looked stunned for a moment at the suddenness of the
proclamation, and the fact that A.J. knew it.  He already knew of
course, so it wasn't really a surprise to him.

"Yeah, I know."

"You know?"  A.J. did the classic double take at the news, before
his expression turned confused.

"Yeah, I know he's gay," Kevin said, shrugging, and wondering how
he could steer the conversation away from this topic?  He was
feeling too vulnerable.  If A.J. carried this any further he might
stumble onto his secret.

"How long have you known?" asked a confused A.J.  He was
momentarily thrown and didn't know how to proceed.  The only thing
he knew was that Kevin knew about Justin and Justin was
heartbroken.  Were the two facts related?

"Since yesterday morning...  Why?"  Kevin was starting to sweat
lightly, even though it was quite cool outside.  He wasn't ready
to come out to the world!  Why had A.J. brought this up?

"No reason," A.J. responded quietly.

'Hell, if Kev has known all this time, then that means that he
either doesn't love Justin, or he's straight,' thought A.J.  He
considered the two possibilities and decided that it was probably
the latter.  That was the only reasonable explanation for the
sadness and grief showing in Justin's eyes last night.  Kevin must
have rejected Justin's advances...

He suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of despair settle over him.
Justin would be devastated...  what was he saying?  Justin was
already devastated!  And though he couldn't blame Kevin for not
returning Justin's feelings, he felt a sense of anger nonetheless.
He had been so certain that they were true soulmates; nothing
short of that deep attachment could produce the effect he had seen
in Justin the previous night.  And generally when someone has
found their soulmate, then it follows that the second person has
also found theirs.  But for some reason it wasn't the case with
these two!

He could feel his anger and despair mounting.  He felt like
seizing Kevin by the scruff of his neck and telling him to go back
in there and to love Justin the same way that Justin loved him!
The feeling was so overpowering it was scary...

"A.J. what's wrong?" asked Kevin in genuine concern.  He didn't
like what he was seeing in A.J.'s expression.

"Nothing Kev, nothing.  Just got to think some things through."
He had to get his emotions under control.  He couldn't take it out
on Kevin.  He couldn't force Kevin to love someone against his
will, even though what he had seen last night would haunt him for
a long time to come.

Kevin, in turn, was shaking slightly in fear.  If A.J.'s reaction
to Justin being gay was any guide, then he was glad that he hadn't
come out to his bandmates.  He'd be totally devastated if A.J.
reacted the same way to him being gay.  He pushed all his fears
deep down.  No-one else must find out about him!

A.J. was so concerned about Justin's feelings and what might
happen to him because of Kevin's rejection, that he totally forgot
to ask Kevin why he had left the stadium early the day before,
whether or not he had really been sick, and why he had cried
himself to sleep?

In the following days, when he remembered the questions, he
(incorrectly) assumed that it was all related to Kevin not
accepting Justin's homosexuality...

He'd be the same if a very close friend like Howie suddenly
professed his love for him and wanted A.J. to love him in return,
against his will.

Deep in thought, they both joined the rest of the guys.

*-*-*

"How much do you think he heard?" asked a still sobbing Justin,
looking up from his pillow.

"I don't know Curly.  I don't know..."

"Do you think he heard me say that I loved Kevin?"

"Well, I don't think you actually said Kevin's name, but he would
have heard you start to say it.  And depending on how long he was
listening, he could know who you were referring to," JC
acknowledged.

"Oh God Josh!  What do I do now?" he cried plaintively.

"I don't know Curly.  I have no idea where we can go from here..."

*-*-*

Lance was starting to get restless.  JC and Justin were taking
their sweet time!  Brian had informed him that Justin was awake,
so why weren't they out here already?  The groups only had about
10 more minutes before they had to leave!

He wasn't the only one wondering what was keeping them...

Joey's mind started to work overtime.  This was another occasion
when the two of them had spent time alone.  What was happening?
Could it be that they were...?  Joey instantly dismissed the idea.
No way could they be gay!

He left the suite to start packing his belongings, but his
subconscious mind refused to let the matter drop.

Lance sighed and looked across at the bedroom door again.  At that
precise moment he saw them both come into the lounge.  It looked
like Justin had taken a shower, but his face still appeared either
unwashed, or puffier than usual.

And why had JC remained in the bedroom while Justin showered?  JC
hadn't eaten breakfast yet - that was definitely out of character
for him!

He sighed again as he watched them start piling food onto plates.

"You've got about 7 minutes max to eat all that.  Or else, you'll
have to take it with you and finish it in the limo."

The two of them shrugged at Lance's comment as they walked over to
sit on the couch.  They were quite happy to take the food with
them and eat it in the limousine.

Brian entered just then, after having gone to his suite to get
dressed.  He was ready to go - he had eaten and showered in record
time this morning, and had just finished packing.  Pity he still
felt like shit from lack of sleep...

He noticed the two lovebirds sitting on the couch eating their
breakfast, and occasionally throwing odd looks in his direction.

He couldn't care less.  They had caused Kevin to suffer so much
hurt that he felt like hurting them back.  Kevin had been a basket
case before, when he was only worried about coming out...  Now he
had this additional pain!

He looked away from them; it was frightening how easy he felt
about causing them some physical pain!  But he had to remember his
cousin's feelings in all this - he had to endure it, for Kevin's
sake.

He walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

There, he bumped into Kevin, who was trying very hard to hide the
shaking his body was suffering.

"Hey Cuz, what's wrong?" Brian asked softly as he gathered Kevin
into a hug.

Kevin could think of a lot of things that were wrong!  But the
reason he was crying and shaking was because of what he had seen
this morning before Nick had interrupted him.  He hadn't got it
completely out of his system.

"When you went to sleep on my bed, I noticed that your tears were
causing a stain to appear on my pillow.  It only hit me then that
I had seen the same sort of marks on Justin's sheets and pillow.

"Bri," he paused, his voice becoming lost and full of pain, "he
must have cried himself to sleep!"

Brian hugged his cousin tighter in sympathy, as Kevin's tears
finally spilled over and he started crying.

He angrily wiped away the tears that had formed in his own eyes.
He knew his cousin loved Justin - his hurt and tearful expression
confirming it beyond all doubt.  But Justin was also causing Kevin
to suffer like he had never suffered before!  Why was this all
happening?  Why was Kevin, who deserved to be happy more than
anyone else he knew, left to suffer like this?

They both parted as they heard footsteps approaching.  They
hurriedly wiped away their tears and tried to make their
expressions appear neutral, but the effects of their crying were
still visible when Justin entered the kitchen.

He panicked when he saw the two of them together and the
expressions on their faces.  He could imagine all too well, what
they had just discussed.  His world was collapsing around him!  He
excused himself and left the kitchen in a hurry - he didn't want
to cause Kevin any more pain.  If he stayed away from Kevin, maybe
Kevin would come to accept that he only wanted to be friends.  He
couldn't hurt his Boo by trying to force him into liking him
against his will.

*-*-*

"That was quick," said JC.

"I'm not thirsty anymore," Justin replied.

JC knew that something had happened from Justin's posture and
behaviour...  But there wasn't anything he could do while the
others were still around - even though most of the guys had left
to get their gear packed.

"Well, we're almost ready to go.  Are you packed yet?  We're not
coming back to the hotel after the concert," he reminded Justin.

Justin welcomed the diversion.  He ran to his bedroom and started
placing all his clothes, toiletries and laundry back into his
suitcase.  In amongst all his gear was the robe Kevin had given
him to wear the previous morning.  He debated about returning it
to Kevin, as it now held a special significance to him.  It was
the only part of Kevin that he could get close to without causing
Boo any further suffering.

He placed it lovingly in his suitcase and then zippered the
suitcase shut.

He was already outside in the hall before Kevin entered the
bedroom to gather his own belongings.

*-*-*

JC caught up with Justin before he reached the limo.  He had had
to detour into his own room to collect his already packed
suitcase, and to drop off his room key to Lance (along with
Justin's) - a routine that was old hat by now.  He and Curly got
their suitcases loaded into the boot and entered the limo.  They
were the first ones there.

"Just, what happened up there?  What did you see in the kitchen?"

"*They* were in there and it looked like they were talking about
me," Justin said, feeling his composure start to crack.

"Who's 'they'?" JC asked.  He could guess one of them was Kevin,
but the other one might have been either A.J. or Brian.

"Brian and Boo," Justin replied, wretchedly.

"Why do you think they were talking about you?"

"Because Boo had been crying.  When I saw Kev, he had just wiped
the tears from his eyes.  Brian must have told him about what he
heard this morning..."

"I don't know Just...  They could have been talking about
anything," JC replied, though he didn't think it likely.

"Then why was Kevin crying?"

"I don't know Curly.  And unfortunately I don't know of any way to
find out.  Just promise me that you won't jump to any conclusions!
They really could have been talking about something else.  Maybe
about whatever had caused Kevin to cry himself to sleep..." JC
said, knowing he was clutching at straws.

Justin just nodded, taking his point into consideration.  "So what
do I do now?"

"Well, just try to act normal, as if nothing has happened.  If
Brian hasn't told Kevin anything, then he'll be acting his normal
self, won't he?  So wait and see how he acts, and how he interacts
with you, before you go borrowing trouble."

"Okay, that's a good idea..."

"And whatever you do Curly, try to act like you would normally act
around the BSB guys, and our guys too.  We'll be touring together
for a long time.  We can't let anyone get suspicious about what's
troubling you or how you feel for Kevin."

Justin nodded his head in understanding.  As far as the world
would be concerned, he and Kevin would just be friends - hopefully
good friends, but friends nonetheless.  Deep in his heart, he
could admit to himself that no-one would be able to take the place
of his angel.  He would love Boo for the rest of his life!

*-*-*

"Are you okay Cuz?" Brian asked, as they walked down the hallway
at a funereal pace.  They were the last ones to leave their rooms.

"Yeah, I guess I will be Bri."

"Are you sure?  You don't really sound convinced."

"I have to be!  Nothing can come of this."  He paused.  "At least
the torture of sharing a room with him is over.  I know we'll be
sleeping in the same room on the bus, but we'll all be sleeping in
it, and sharing the same living space, so it probably won't get
too painful.

"And hopefully, over time, I can come to accept him as just a
friend."  Kevin doubted his own words.

They entered the elevator and Brian pressed the button for the
ground floor.

"Kev, I'm so sorry this has happened to you.  However, I think
you're heading in the right direction.  It's best that you put
this all behind you and concentrate on the future.  Maybe you'll
find someone else whom you can love and who loves you back?"  He
knew that no-one would grab Kevin's heart the same way that Justin
had, but he had to get his cousin to start thinking in a more
positive way.

Kevin whirled to the bank of buttons and jabbed the 'Stop' button.
The elevator abruptly stopped moving.

"No, you're wrong on all counts Brian!"

Kevin's angry tone surprised Brian.

"I'll never love anyone else!  Never!  Not even a glimmer of the
way that I love Justin!  And though I'm trying to concentrate on
my future, as you've pointed out, it's because of necessity, not
because I want to!

"And most of all, though YOU may feel sorry for me, *I* don't!"
Kevin's voice was rock hard and his eyes glimmered as tears
started forming.  "I'm not sorry that I love Justin!  I'm not
sorry that I've had this opportunity to meet the man that I will
love for the rest of my life!

"I'm sorry about a lot of things, especially about him not
returning my feelings, but I'm not sorry about my love for him!"

He slumped to the floor, unable to keep his body upright.  His
body shook as it was wracked by his sobs.

Brian could only stare, through his own tears, as his cousin's
soul was laid bare in front of him.  He felt as if he would go mad
with the grief he could feel coming from Kevin!  But no matter how
much hurt he felt, Kevin would be feeling this hurt a thousand-
fold.

How could Kevin remain sane with all this pain inside him?

End - Chapter 10

Okay, okay... I know a lot of you are going to start thinking that
I *AM* sadistic after this part, but honestly, I'm not!  And I
promise that there will only be one 'sad' part in the next
chapter!  :)