Date: Sun, 7 Oct 2001 15:36:56 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jim Higgins <bangoremail1@yahoo.com>
Subject: Lance's Story: When I Fall In Love

Hey everyone!

Thanks to everyone who has written.  I appreciate all the notes of support
and encouragement.

If you've read Jamie's Romance, then you know basically how this story ends
up and some of the major details.  I know that will kill a little suspense
in the story, but c'est la vie!  If you haven't read Jamie's Romance, then
no harm, no foul.  Hopefully at some point you'll go check it out!

We are right in the middle of nominations for the next story awards.  I
urge everyone to go and nominate all your favorite stories!  This is where
you get to speak out and reward your favorite authors.


As usual:
This story is purely fiction and is not intended to imply anything about
the true sexuality of  'N Sync or anyone associated with their organization
or the reality of their lives.  It is meant for those over the age of 18
only and those who wish to read stories with sexual content.



***********

Lance's Story

***********



When I Fall In Love



	"When I fall in love
	It will be forever
	Or I'll never fall in love

	In a restless world like this is
	Love is ended before it's begun
	And too many moonlight kisses
	Seem to melt in the warmth of the sun

	When I give my heart
	It will be completely
	Or I'll never give my heart

	And the moment
	I can feel that you feel that way too
	I will give my heart to you"

		- Edward Heyman/Victor Young: c. 1952



The VMA's came and went and 'NSync went on an uneasy vacation.  From New
York they scattered across the country to visit their families, promising
to meet up in Orlando at some point.  They spent every minute together when
touring, rehearsing, recording and on promotions but they couldn't even
imagine more than a week apart.

They were truly more than five friends who enjoyed each other's company,
they were a family.  However this time, there was an unease within the
group, although nobody but Lance and JC knew the exact reason it was there.
They just felt that something wasn't right.

Sitting in his old room in Mississippi, Lance was depressed.  He had been
for the last two weeks since the blow up with JC.  Just before the award
show Justin noticed Lance's more than usual quietness.  He begged off
saying it was post tour depression.  They all suffered it, usually JC and
Justin the most.  He was glad that Justin accepted that with a
compassionate smile and a firm hug.

True to his word, JC kept Lance at an arm's length but didn't treat him any
differently around the guys.  Nobody really noticed that they didn't hug
anymore or spend any time close together or hang out as much as they used
to.

Along with everything else, they now had publicly broken ties with Lou
Perlman and Transcon.  The media was buzzing with the news.  JC had become
the 'lead' man in their suit and their spokesman.  This vacation couldn't
have come at a better time.

Lance sighed heavily.  He had already packed for his afternoon flight.  His
parents had given him plenty of space having experienced this depression in
him before.  They understood how hard it was to leave a day to day life you
had gotten used to and switch gears completely.  With the added turmoil of
the lawsuit, they made sure Lance was as comfortable and happy as possible.
'Too bad they don't realize the real reason,' Lance thought sadly.

Lance loved his parents and sister dearly and was happy that they had
agreed to be the workforce for his newly formed company.  As much as Lance
hated to admit it, Jordan did have some positive influence in their lives.
He had impressed on all of them early in the summer tour with the need to
get involved in things outside their careers.  He reasoned that, like
professional sports figures, they needed to have something there for them
when it was all over.  So Lance formed his own management company and had
just signed his first artist, one of his childhood friends, Meredith
Edwards.

Jordan's advice really had started the ball rolling in their need to break
free from Transcon and Lou Perlman.  Johnny Wright, their manager,
supported them fully and formed his own company so that he could remain
with them.  They were still talking with the lawyers and working out the
deals.  It also meant moving away from RCA.  Jive, now becoming famous for
the most popular Pop groups around, had already approached them about
joining that label, thanks to Britney and also to Brian, as Lance just
recently found out.

He had been so sad that he called Brian out of the blue right after the
VMA's.  It was an awkward conversation at best.  Brian was still friendly
to him but was slightly distant throughout their conversation.  It only
made him feel worse.

All this fed into his stress level and depression.  One of the few high
points was his purchase of a house in Orlando.  He had picked it out during
the summer when he came home for a couple of days rest.  It was a huge
thing on a large piece of land.  At first he had dreamed it would be for
him and JC to settle down in and raise a family.

Lance snorted to himself at the now broken dream.  But he still had the
house and he looked forward to being there to move in and decorate as he
pleased.

------


The days passed in Orlando.  NSync hung out at Lance's place more than any
other, helping him paint and move furniture around.  JC was there as well
but mostly stuck to Justin's side.  Whenever Lance caught him looking, JC
would turn away with a sad expression on his face.

At the end of their all too short vacation, between JC's coldness and
meetings with lawyers, Lance had finally had enough.  They were getting
ready to head back into the studio to re-record some things and do some new
stuff for another album.  Looking ahead at the long hours in the enclosed
space bothered Lance.  He couldn't stand more of the silent treatment and
vowed to have it out with JC one way or another.

The ice broke near the beginning of October.  Justin had been concerned
with JC's continued silence.  Lance was surprised to find out that he had
shut out the others too.  He and Chris had heard Justin yelling at Josh one
morning about 'getting his ass in gear,' as he put it.  JC just mumbled
agreement.

Chris smiled.  Justin was the only one that could get away with that.  The
others would have been yelled back at.  Lance smiled too.  Hopefully JC
would listen to Justin and this would at least give them a chance to get
back to the friendship they once shared.

That afternoon he approached JC during a break and handed him a water.  "I
thought you'd be thirsty," Lance offered.

"Um... thanks, Lance."  JC gave him the barest of smiles in gratitude as he
took the bottle.

"Josh, I know what happened hurt you, but we did promise that we'd be
friends no matter what and I feel like I've lost you completely."

JC looked down at the floor.  "That's almost the same thing Justin told me
this morning, that I've gone away.  I'm sorry, Lance.  I just needed my
space, I didn't mean to hurt anyone by it."

"That's ok, I just want my friend back, too.  Can we start over?"

JC nodded looking at Lance with sad eyes.

Lance held his hand out.  "Hi, my name's James Bass, but everybody calls me
Lance, that's my middle name, because my father's name is James too."

JC smiled, a great big friendly smile at the words that Lance had said so
many years ago when they first met.  He continued the formula as he took
Lance's hand.  "Hi back, my name's JC, that's short for Joshua Chasez, but
I like my friends to call me Josh."

Lance smiled at him as they shook.  He moved to pull his hand back but was
stopped by JC who pulled him into a hug.  They held each other for a long
moment.

"We'll need to talk," JC said into Lance's hair.

"I'd like nothing more.  Welcome back," Lance whispered into JC's ear.
They didn't notice that Joey was standing in the doorway and looking on
through the window with a big smile on his face.  He nodded and moved on.

------


The next week bolstered Lance's spirits.  JC was again treating him like
his friend in public and private, finally getting their friendship back on
track.  The opportunity for them to talk alone for an extended time was
elusive.  Between recording schedules, appearances and the inability to
spend more than an hour without one of the others hanging around, they both
grew restless to spend some private time together.

Eventually, just before they had to leave for New York, they found an
evening that everyone else was busy.  JC planned on going to Lance's for
dinner.  Lance was as nervous as he'd ever been.  He -had- to make JC see
how much he loved him.

Dinner went well as they both ate, the silence broken periodically by a
compliment from JC.  Lance was wound up tight as a drum and JC noticed.

"Lance, please relax.  You look like your head is gonna explode," JC smiled
at him to put him at ease and rubbed his shoulder.

"Sorry, just got alot on my mind."

They finished dinner and took a walk around the backyard while Lance
explained his plans for the area while JC gave him some of his own
suggestions.  They finally found themselves standing by the pool looking at
each other.

"Josh, I want to apologize again for this summer."

JC shook his head.  "Lance, what's done is done.  I'm not mad at you."

"Can we continue from where we were?" Lance asked hopefully.

"I don't know, Lance.  I have forgiven you but what happened still hurts.
I don't know if..."

JC was interrupted by a loud sob from Lance.  "Josh, please.  You need to
understand that I didn't want any of that to happen.  Jordan came up with
that plan on his own.  I didn't ask or want him to do any of it."

Standing still, JC could hear the truth in Lance's words.  Tears streaked
down Lance's cheeks as he continued.  "The night that you found us he was
practically raping me and if you hadn't come in he probably would have.
Josh, please, I never betrayed your trust.  I didn't do anything but fall
into Jordan's little private game."

Lance lost his strength and went to his knees then leaned his head against
JC's thigh.  "It breaks my heart when I remember the look on your face that
night.  Oh, God!  I love you so much.  I've loved you for
months... years... and when I was finally getting it returned I lost it."
Lance broke completely and sobbed into his hands as he slumped into
himself.  "I love you, Josh."

JC stood stunned.  He'd never really comprehended the depth of Lance's
feelings for him and it seemed they mirrored his own.  Tears of sympathy
for Lance's pain left his eyes as he knelt beside his friend.

"Lance?"  When he didn't look up, JC raised his head with a finger under
his chin.  JC's heart melted looking at the insecurity, fear, love and
longing in Lance's red-rimmed eyes.  "I'm so sorry for shutting you out
like that.  I didn't realize..." he choked back the rest of the words.  "I
love you, too," he said softly as he took Lance in his arms and held him
tight.

------


It had been less than a week after their poolside reconciliation.  He and
Lance had worked out their difficulties and agreed to start their
relationship from square one.  Lance was content and knew that JC still had
some internal issues he needed to resolve about his sexuality.  JC promised
Lance to talk about it when he needed to and that his feelings for Lance
were genuine.

They spent long hours, sitting together and holding hands.  They sometimes
took naps, cuddling and holding each other.  Their kisses remained loving
and gentle.  For Lance, the idea of having sex with JC was quickly becoming
of secondary importance.  The times they were spending together were enough
for him.

They were in New York, recording and doing some appearances.  Justin had
just returned from a side trip to Boston and JC was worried.  JC and Lance
talked about him just before going to bed a few nights after he returned.

"I just don't get it, Lance.  He's never ever -not- told me anything but
now he feels he can't talk."

"It must be deeply personal for him to not want to share it with you, but
I'm sure he will when he's ready."

JC nodded reluctantly.  "I hope so, he's starting to worry me."

Lance thought in silence for a minute.  "What about us, Josh?"

"Us?"

"Yes, where are we going and what's going to happen?"

"I really don't know Lance, the whole thing still scares me."

"Honestly, it scares me too.  You aren't still angry with me, are you?"

JC looked at Lance with a smile.  "Of course not.  Actually, I'm kinda
flattered that you'd do so much to get my attention."

"So what do -you- want?"

"If I thought the guys would accept us then I'd like to be your boyfriend.
But I don't want that unless we're totally honest with them."

Lance smiled.  "I would like that too.  Justin knows I'm gay so he'd be
fine with it.  I don't know about Chris and Joey, but I can't imagine
either of them having a big problem."

JC nodded, uncertainly.  "Can we talk about this later?  I'm bushed, let's
get some sleep."  JC sat on the bed across from Lance's and took his shoes
off.

"Ok," Lance said as he snuggled into the covers.

JC stood and took off his pants.  "Um, Lance.  Could I sleep with you
tonight?"

Lance pulled the covers up and let JC get in bed with him with a wide
smile.  They snuggled into each others arms and fell asleep after one
chaste good night kiss.

------


'NSync spent the next week putting in long studio hours.  Lance and JC kept
an eye on Justin, who continued to be moody and withdrawn.  Justin tried to
hide it but eventually Joey noticed something wrong and went to Lance to
see what was up.

"Something's not right, Lance, and it needs to be fixed.  It's gone on long
enough."

Lance nodded.  "You're right.  I'll call a meeting."

"Thanks, Scoop."

Just before a four day break for free time they gathered in the main room
of the suite they had been living in for the last two weeks.

Lance started the meeting, going over the schedule for the next few days.
He then outlined all their plans for their days off.  He caught JC's eye to
see if he would say anything but he only looked sadly back at him.

And then the conversation that would change all their lives took place as
Justin told them what was bothering him after Joey's urging.  All cards
were put on the table and no secrets withheld.  The story of the rape in
Boston touched them all deeply and struck a heavy chord with Lance after
his experience with Jordan.  Somehow he knew there was more to it, though.
The growing suspicion suddenly came into complete focus: his closeness to
JC, no dates with any girls for at least the last year, his distance and
dislike of Jordan, his intense feelings for this guy, Jamie, that he met in
Boston.  Lance asked the question that had been on his mind for some time,
the question he hadn't even talked to JC about.

"Justin, are you... um... are you gay?"

The tension in the room was so thick that nobody seemed able to move.  The
question hung in the air waiting to be answered.  It was then, that Lance
decided he couldn't live the lie with his brothers any more.  This was it.

"I'll tell if you will," he said quietly, only Justin and JC knowing his
secret.

JC's head snapped over at Lance, panic setting in around his eyes.  Lance
saw it but it wasn't JC he was concerned about here, yet.  Chris came to
their rescue and instigated an around the circle confession.  Justin wasn't
the only one suffering through this.  Lance glanced at JC to see the
anguish in his eyes.

Joey and Chris held no surprises and after Lance's prompting neither did
he.  Lance knew that JC was having a very hard time dealing with his
orientation.  JC cleared his throat uncomfortably.  Lance saw Justin
looking at JC curiously, suddenly aware there was something JC had never
told him.  Lance couldn't help looking at his boyfriend, if that's what he
was, in anticipation.  "Ok, my turn I guess.  I'm bi," he swallowed and
paused.

'It was something,' Lance thought to himself as he looked to the floor.

JC reached out and took Lance's hand in both of his.  "And Lance and I are
seeing each other."  Lance, filled with joy, beamed at JC.

Chris and Joey had big smiles on their faces.  "I wondered when you two
were gonna say something and stop sneaking around," Joey said happily.  "So
when's the wedding?"

Lance blushed a deep red but it was JC who replied.  "To be honest, we've
held hands, talked a lot, cuddled and we have kissed, but that's it.  We're
both not ready yet for any more than that."

Of course Joey and Chris had their suspicions.  Joey never missed anything
that you wanted him to miss.  Everyone's attention returned to Justin who
looked like he'd rather sink into the floor.

It was big brother Joey who came to the rescue and helped a very confused
Justin finally admit his true feelings about himself and this new person
that had come into his life.  The next hour was a confused mess.  One
heart-wrenching voice mail from this guy, Jamie, and Justin was off again
to Boston.  JC finished talking with him on his cell and gave him one last
bit of advice.

"Justin, do what your heart tells you is right.  You're a good man and your
heart's in the right place, it won't lead you wrong.  Just be careful."

JC put the phone on the table and sat back with a sigh.  Rubbing his eyes
he looked over to see Lance staring at him.  "Do you think I said the wrong
thing?" he asked gently.

Lance shook his head.  "Not at all," he said still looking at JC.

"Ok, what then?"

"Oh, I'm just looking at one of the greatest men in the world and one I've
come to love very much.  Plus I'm wondering why he isn't over here on the
couch with me," he said wistfully.

JC smiled and went to sit with Lance.  Snuggling up to him he leaned in and
softly kissed him.  Lance put his hands on JC's shoulders kneading them
gently.  He sighed happily as they tasted each other's lips.  When they
finally broke the kiss Lance leaned back against the couch pulling JC on
top of him.  He reached up and pulled JC's head down to kiss him again.

This time the passion was even more evident.  Lance sucked JC's lower lip
into his mouth and shyly explored it with his tongue.  JC moaned loudly and
started licking Lance's lips with his own tongue.  The kiss grew more and
more passionate, each exploring the other, their tongues freely traveling
back and forth between the two of them.  They separated and looked at each
other in surprise and love.

Fireworks were going off inside Lance.  Never before had a kiss affected
him so much.  "I never thought it would be so wonderful," he panted.  That
was the truth, not even with Brian, as wonderful as that was at the time,
had he felt this way.

JC was catching his breath as well.  "I've kissed a few people but it's
never felt like this before," he said beaming at Lance.

Tears started forming in Lance's eyes.  "Please hold me and never let go."

"I have no problem with that," JC purred.  He turned both of them so they
were spooned together on the couch, Lance in his arms.  "I love you,
James."

Lance was a little surprised at the use of his real first name.  "And I
love you too, Joshua," he replied pressing back against him.  "That's the
first time you've ever called me that.  It makes me feel all warm inside."

"Just doing my job, babe."  JC nuzzled Lance's neck and soon they drifted
off to sleep, Lance for once, feeling safe and secure.  He was more
confident now that this was a relationship that could finally work.


tbc...


There's the latest.  Comments and suggestions are always welcome!


Jim
bangoremail1@yahoo.com
AIM: bangoremail
http://briefcase.yahoo.com/bangoremail1