Date: Thu, 24 Aug 2000 17:17:50 -0700 (PDT)
From: flower jones <flower_writing@yahoo.com>
Subject: last exit to eden

Hello all :)

Yes it's yet another attempt to write a story. And yes, again it's a reader
who is finally trying out what it feels like to write a story. I'll let you
know as soon as I've figured that out myself :) I'm not American, so if you
don't understand my use of language, blame it on that then ;-p Anything
else I have to say on top here? This will be a story about Nsync (no BSB in
the near future ;-p) though mostly about Chris. For now at least. I just
did this one chapter. I have no idea where this will lead or that it
actually will lead to anything. But I can already tell you sex won't be
imminent any time soon, if there will be any of that. Yes, not original I
know, but that's how I work.

You, the reader, will decide that if this will actually lead to more
chapters or not, not me. I myself don't know how good or how bad this is (I
hope it's the first one, but hey, you might all hate it). You are the only
one who can decide if you like it or not. Besides that, it's not a story
about the most loved member of Nsync either. So I'm taking a double chance
here. Don't let me down people :) You can email me at
flower_writing@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: I never understood why these things should be up here, but
since all stories have one, I'll try to come up with something decent too
:) nobody sue me if this thing isn't correct or anything ;p I don't know
Nsync or anybody even closely related to them. In fact, I'm not even
American, so the chance of me knowing them are really slim to start
with. Everything in here comes from the dark place some people refer to as
a mind, so nothing actually happened. There, that should cover all law
suits :) On to the story. Enjoy!

**************

Somehow Chris just knew he was in trouble. His boyfriend wasn't exactly
looking happy. And deep down he knew that he was the reason for the other
persons feeling. He hadn't exactly treated him right the last few weeks.
Tensions kept creeping in their relationship, no matter what happened. They
never were just happy with each other. Chris knew him from way back, long
before he himself knew he was bisexual. They practically grew up
together. But nothing was going on at that moment in time. Both enjoyed
being friends, neither of them willing to admit that there could be more if
they both wanted it to happen. Eventually Chris' job tore them apart. They
tried to keep in touch, but it wasn't meant to be. Until last year.

They saw each other again at a reunion of their high school. Both realized
that there still were feelings left to explore, things to discover about
each other. And so they started dating. Not that Chris took the initiative.
As energetic and outspoken as he may seem in public, in private Chris was
very careful not to display his feelings too much. He had trouble really
trusting people. In fact there were only a few people he trusted. The guys
in Nsync, because otherwise it would be impossible to work with them.
Besides the group he only really trusted his parents and siblings. In his
distant past he trusted management too, but ever since the lawsuit he just
lost faith in managers. All they seemed to want is money and they didn't
care how they would get their hands on it. Chris hated people who only
desired money in their life. He was way too sensitive to just settle for
material stuff. He pitied the people who thought only money could make them
happy.

And of course he trusted his love. He used to think of him as his true
love, but for some reason he didn't think that anymore these days. Of
course he still loved him, but he was having serious doubts if this love
was his true one. He was thinking just that when his lover suddenly turned
around.

"What the hell were you thinking in that restaurant? Do I really mean
nothing more than a boytoy for you? I mean, we're in fucking Paris and you
still treat me like the next guy on the block!" Chris was dumbfounded. He
knew something was up, but he had no idea John fell this strongly about
what happened. "But honey..."
 "Don't you honey me mister! I've had enough of your ridiculous behavior!
Either you get your act together and pay only attention to me, or this is
the last night we spend in one bed! In fact, it might be better if you took
the couch this night. I don't want to be near you at this moment!" :But,
but, what did I.....  "Shut up Chris! If you haven't figured out by now
what royally pissed me off, then you and I have even less in common than
I've seen these past few days here!"

Chris chose not to respond. Later that evening, while trying to get to
sleep on the couch, he wondered what it was this time that set his
boyfriend off. His jealousy was getting beyond control. Chris never
realized how possessive John could be sometimes, or rather all the time.
The guys had pointed that out to him on a number of occasions. But
shouldn't you trust the one you love? When you have so much trouble
trusting people, at least the man you love should have your total trust.
Chris felt so good trusting John completely. Now he was wondering if he did
the right thing trusting John as fully as he had done. John took nothing
but advantage of his trust. Slowly but surely he managed to control Chris'
life completely. And Chris let it happen. And here he was, lying on the
couch again. And yet because his boyfriend was overly jealous. Or maybe he
himself had been flirting with another guy in the restaurant.

Suddenly Chris wasn't so sure anymore if his boyfriend really had the wrong
idea. Had he been flirting with that guy in the restaurant, or with the
steward on the plane? Now that he thought of it, Chris had been paying more
than usual attention to other men. Could this be a sign his love was
weakening? Could it really be true that his love was faltering? The
flirting thing wasn't the only signal for that. In fact, they (or rather
John) decided that a few days in Paris would probably be the best thing to
work out whatever was going on in their relationship. John thought it had
to do with the other guys of Nsync being around all the time, but since
they arrived in Paris, things only got worse instead of better. Maybe they
really weren't meant to be....

No! That couldn't be true. He loved John, no matter what. It had been bad
enough the guys didn't trust John, he couldn't do the same now. He had to
hold his ground. He had to believe their love was strong enough to get them
through this extremely difficult period. Flirting didn't mean you didn't
love your man anymore, he was sure of that. Tomorrow would definitely bring
clarification on what was happening between the two. John would finally
talk to him, so they could figure out what to do. At least, that's what
Chris was hoping for. John usually ignored serious stuff in the
relationship. He just thought all would go away if you stopped talking
about it... "Argh! This line of thinking won't get me anywhere" Chris
thought. "Let's just try to sleep for the moment. Tomorrow will reveal what
will happen."

The next morning didn't bring the clarification Chris was hoping for.
Instead of talking about it, John chose to completely ignore the subject.
Finally Chris couldn't take it anymore.  "Are you going to talk about what
happened last night or not? Or talk about other things that happened here
in Paris? You thought a few days away from the guys would help us get
through whatever is going on between us. Personally I don't see that
happening. Can you please tell me what you feel?" John stared at his lover
long and hard.  "Ok, I'll tell you what the deal is Chris. I've had it with
your attitude. You think you're god's gift to mankind or something. You're
nothing special Chris. I'm only dating you to see something of the world.
The thought of you and I spending the rest of our lives together sickens me
to the core. Like I would ever choose to stay with such a whiny person.
Here you go again talking about last night, while I specifically said I
would choose the time and place to talk about that! I honestly don't know
what I saw in you, but I surely know it's just about gone!"  "You can't be
serious John. I mean after all we've been through?  You think I'm somebody
you can use to see the world?" Chris started to get teary eyed.  "Well,
isn't that exactly what I've accomplished Chris? I mean I've seen about all
of the world travelling with you. Sure I had to perform some sexual
services, but that was cheap for what I got in return." John smiled
triumphantly.  "So yes, I've used you. I can't believe you were so gullible
Chris. You should have listened to your band mates. Why do you think I
tried to keep you away from them as much as possible? They were on to me
when I wasn't finished yet. Now I've achieved everything I wanted. I was
trying to get rid if you sooner, but you were so stubborn in believing I
was your true love. Man, how could you ever be so stupid?"

Chris blocked out the rest John said. It had all been a lie. Nothing John
had done with him was done out of love, but merely out of greed. Why on
earth hadn't he listened to the guys? Why did he choose John to trust? His
first real love, and this is what happened. "How could I have trusted such
a creature? What was I thinking?" "Pay attention, Chris. I'm not done yet!"
John chose this particular moment in Chris' thoughts to continue his
onslaught on Chris' feelings. "For the record, your sexual performance
leaves to be desired too. I can think of a number of persons who were
better in bed than you." "I thought I was your first love?" "Oh come on!
You didn't seriously believe that, did you? You must be even more stupid
than I imagined. Did you honestly believe all that I'm saving myself junk?
Just because you're hopelessly romantic, doesn't mean I should be the same,
does it?"

Chris just wanted to get away. All he believed in was being destroyed
within minutes. How could he have been so stupid as to trust him? How could
he believe everything John told him? How could he have been deceived so
thoroughly? Chris was feeling a number of emotions. He felt betrayed,
stupid, ashamed, humiliated and dirty to the core. He needed to talk to
somebody, anybody. He ran into the bathroom and locked himself up. He tried
to call Lance, the one that surely would be able to help him. After all, he
and Lance got along real well when it came to relationships. Lance was the
only other gay member in Nsync. Besides that, only Lance felt the same way
about relationships and commitment. Only he could really understand what
Chris was feeling right now...

Outside the bathroom John was still laughing at Chris. Laughing and packing
his stuff that is. "Chris, I'm going to leave now. I've taken the liberty
to book a flight back home to the States. Don't try to look for me or
you'll regret it. You're extremely lucky I'm not going to the press and
talk about your sexual preferences. But even I have some kind of feeling
left for you. Well, for the time being at least....Take care Chris, and
don't ever try to even the score with me, cause you're absolutely no match
for me. Not even if you bring all the guys along with you. Trust me on
that. I have enough information to sink the little boat you call Nsync. So
don't try to piss me off."

John chuckled to himself. He finally got rid of that cry baby and could now
move on with his life. Of course he had no real information on Nsync, but
there was no need to inform Chris of that, was there? He could always use
Chris to get some more money... Not that he really needed the money. John
was richer than Chris had ever realized. He didn't need the money. He just
chose to abuse Chris for the fun of it. John had enjoyed every minute of
destroying Chris with every passing day. But he was done now. Chris was
emotionally destroyed. The game had been played. Time to find the next
victim...

And so John left Chris' life. But Chris didn't know all this. He was in
tears in the bathroom, frantically trying to call Lance. "Please Lance,
please pick up the phone and talk to me. If there was ever a time I needed
you, it would be now."  "This is Lance, who is it? And why are you calling
so early?" Chris couldn't talk through all his tears. Instead Lance only
heard sobbing at the other end of the phone. He was alarmed at the sound
and tried to wake up a little more.  "Who is this? What's happening?"
"Lance it's Chris" "Oh my god Chris, what is going on?" Lance pushed away
his boyfriend to listen closer to what Chris was saying.  "J, J, J, John
has left me" Chris sobbed.  "Oh my god, what did the bastard do?"  "I can't
talk about it now, can you come and get me Lance? I really need to talk to
you in person."  "Ok, but I won't be able to get there in two days at
least. Is John still with you?"  "No, he left, but he threatened not to
follow him or he would talk to the press."  "Ok Chris, I'll try to get
there as soon as possible, but it won't be until after tomorrow I think.
Are you going to be ok until then?"  "I'll try to be Lance. I'll go out and
see some sights. It's not like John took me out to see the sights before,
so I might as well do some now. But I'm so hurt right now, I don't think
I'll be able to go out much though."  "Please try to go out as much as
possible Chris. That will take your mind of whatever happened between you
and John. I still don't have a clue what happened between you two, but it's
better that you tell me the whole story in person instead of a bit over the
phone and a bit when I get there. Try to hang in there buddy, and call me
if you feel the need to. I'll be there as soon as I can."  "Ok Lance, but
please, for my sake, try to be here soon k?"  "I'll try Chris, I'll try."
With that Lance hung up the phone.  "Damn that bastard hurt Chris bad.  I
wish we wouldn't have been right about John. We all saw how he took
advantage of Chris..." Lance started to make some phone calls to be in
Paris as soon as possible.

Meanwhile Chris was still sobbing in the bathroom. "How could this happen
to me? How could I have been so stupid? What was I thinking?" Chris slowly
got up and turned on the shower. He set the water hot to try and wash away
his feelings - to no avail. When he left the shower Chris had stopped
crying, but that was all the improvement there was in his situation. He saw
that John hadn't touched his breakfast. "He must have been waiting for me
to show up and destroy me completely" Chris thought. Disgusted he flung his
plate through the room. "Damn you! What did I do to deserve you! Am I
really that bad a person? Did I really have to be shown this cruelly that
love wasn't meant to be for me?" Again Chris started to cry. "No I can't
let that bastard win. I won't cry anymore. Not until Lance is here and we
can talk about it. I'm in my favorite city in the world and I'll be damned
if I let him destroy that too.

Chris wondered through the gardens of Versailles. It was the one place he
could think of that wouldn't remind him of John too much. Just the thought
of him brought Chris very close to tears. He chose to ignore his tears and
walk on through the gardens. After looking around for a while he found a
more secluded place in the gardens, close to a fountain. He only noticed
one other person there and he was deep in thought, or so it seemed. A safe
distance was kept between himself and that person and took off his
disguise. No worries about being mobbed here.

Slowly but surely Chris' thoughts returned to the events that occurred in
his hotel room earlier this day. The events slowly reappeared before
him. How much John had enjoyed destroying him, how little he cared about
how Chris actually felt, how low he thought of Chris. "Will I ever be able
to love again? Will I ever know true love? Was this as close as I would get
to true love? Am I even worthy of love?" Maybe it wasn't all John's
fault. Maybe he didn't deserve any better. After all, he let it happen,
didn't he? It's not all John's doing. I was there as well. It must be my
fault then. I mean, John just behaved the way he's always done. He wasn't
any better when we grew up. Why did I fall for it? Why did I buy all his
sweet talk? It must be cause I deserve this. I have no right for
happiness. I'm not worthy of real love." Slowly but surely the tears cam
back again until Chris couldn't see anything anymore. Until he heard a
voice.

"Are you ok?"

So, what will happen next? I have some ideas, but nothing written out
yet. So you can influence me as much as you'd like to :) Well that's all
for me on this installment. Will there be a next one? And what will happen
with the mysterious voice? Only time will tell ;-p Remember, the mail
address is at the top of this story.

Flower