Date: Mon, 11 Sep 2000 13:59:48 -0700 (PDT)
From: Flower <flower_writing@yahoo.com>
Subject: last exit to eden 2

Hi all!

Ok. Originally I had a completely different intro, but things didn't quite
go the way I planned it to go. So a lot later than I promised some people
(for which I sincerely apologize. You can send bitch mail to the later
mentioned addy :) here is chapter 2. I've made a good start on chapter 3,
but I still have to see where that will lead me. For those of you who
haven't mailed me yet, or think the story should take a certain direction,
or just want to say I'm extremely good (hey, you might think that, who
knows? ;-p) mail me please :) My address is flower_writing@yahoo.com

Thanks goes out to the people who proofed this chapter for me. You know who
you are :) And for those readers who want to do a proof on chapter 3, you
know my addy :)

And again, I need a disclaimer here. You probably all noticed that I don't
know a thing about Nsync or Chris by now. I may have borrowed his face, but
I don't have a clue if Chris actually comes close to the character I'm
making him out to be. He probably is extremely different from my
scribblings, but hey, that's fantasy for you :) I don't really know on who
I'm basing the fictional characters (though there is only one so far :) but
in case you recognize something: don't take it personal, I didn't mean you
;-p

I think I'm done with the usual blablabla. On to the story :)


"Are you ok?"

Chris didn't even acknowledge the other one's presence. Whatever he or she
was doing here, he could not care less at this moment in time. He deserved
this loneliness. Nobody should help him. The other person didn't move
though. He (it finally registered it was a he in Chris' mind) waited
patiently for Chris to make some kind of statement. Finally sound escaped
his mouth. "Go away and leave me alone." There, that should make him go
away. The thought of somebody actually trying to make some kind of effort
to help him, made Chris laugh inwardly. "I don't deserve help. I'm not
worthy."

"Excuse me for asking again, but you really don't seem to be in shape to
handle things on your own. You've been crying for over two hours now and it
doesn't seem you're getting any better. I don't know what you're dealing
with, but you don't seem to be doing so well. So I just wanted to offer you
a helping hand. I'll be over there on the bench for a while still. If you
want to talk, I'll be right there."

Chris finally tried to look up to the other person, only to find he was
already on his way to the aforementioned bench. Who was trying to help him?
What could his motives be? He seemed old enough, so it wouldn't be a crazed
fan trying to get him to talk. That didn't mean he wasn't there for
personal gain. "Everybody wants to use me. Why should this be any
different?"  Chris chose to remain where he was. He pondered the thought of
going over to the guy to talk to him. What did he have to lose? It would be
like talking to a perfect stranger: unload your problems and then get the
hell out of there. He wouldn't be taking a risk in trusting him the whole
story. Besides, telling the whole story to a perfect stranger would be
asking too much, especially at this point in time. He hadn't even talked to
Lance about it, let alone confide in a perfect stranger. Still, there was
something in his behavior that made Chris think he could trust this
stranger a tiny bit. Only a tiny bit. Trusting somebody for the full 100%
was something he would never do again, no matter what.

And then his train of thought was interrupted. The stranger was getting
ready to leave! A slight panic came over Chris. What should he do now? He
still had to wait a few days for Lance to get here. Here was this stranger
offering to help him. Well, did he actually offer?  "He only asked if I was
ok. What if it was just that? But he wouldn't have come over just to ask me
that. He must have meant to help me. He offered me a helping hand, didn't
he? Damn, why didn't I pay better attention when he was talking to me?" He
noticed the stranger looking at him for one last time before
leaving. Suddenly Chris made a decision. He got up and followed the
stranger quickly. He wanted to catch him before they got into a crowded
area again, where talking would be near impossible again. He touched the
strangers shoulder. "Excuse me, but does the offer to help me still stand?"

The stranger slowly turned around. Chris got his first good look at the guy
in front of him. Subconsciously he was checking the guy out. "Not bad" he
thought. "Ugh I'm revolting. Even in my current situation I'm checking
other guys out. John was right. I'm not worthy of love."  The stranger kept
studying him. Chris slowly but surely got lost in his thoughts again until
the stranger suddenly talked.

"You were thinking about it again, weren't you? I can see it in your
eyes. You seem to fade away into nothingness or something close to
that. Whatever happened to you must have shook you up pretty badly. To
answer your question: yes, the offer to help still stands. Though I'm sure
you won't tell me the whole story about what happened. You seem to be in a
real turmoil."

Chris inhaled sharply. "How do you know I'm in deep shit? Have you been
following me? Are you an acquaintance of John? Are you here to spy on me?"
Suddenly Chris regretted his decision to talk to this stranger. He should
have known John would make sure he wouldn't do anything stupid. "So what
does John want you do to with me? Rape me? Well, go ahead, since I'm not
worthy of walking around the earth anymore!" Chris wept uncontrollably. He
was right. John would never let him forget this. This guy was sent here to
make him even more miserable. He couldn't even depend on his own judgement
of character anymore.

"Whoa there bud. I don't have a clue who John is, but apparently he's the
reason for your current state of mind. But no, John didn't send me and no,
I'm not going to rape you. Do I really look that horrible to you. Just calm
down here, you're obviously in no condition to go anywhere right now. You
don't have to trust me right now, just accept my offer of help. I really
don't need to know details of what happened to you, I'm just looking out
for you. I don't want your body to be found after I've left you here all on
your own. Just try to calm down for a moment, then we'll see what we can do
ok? "  The stranger hugged Chris in an attempt to calm him down. Chris was
getting close to hysteria. He didn't want to bring Chris to the hospital in
a state like this. First he had to calm down. Chris clung to the stranger
like he was his life savior. Part of his brain kept telling him this guy he
was holding on to was working for John, but he chose to ignore those
warning signs. He needed somebody right now, somebody to hold onto. He
couldn't go on by himself.

After what seemed like hours Chris finally managed to calm down a bit. He
noticed that the stranger was stroking his hair and talking softly to him,
just to get Chris to calm down. Slowly Chris let go of his hold of the
other guy. "Thanks guy. I don't know who you are, but I'm very glad you
were there. I'll be fine by my own right now"

"Oh no you don't. You're in no condition to be on your own. You have just
been crying for hours all by your own in a place that obviously isn't your
home town. Don't expect me to just leave you here in this state. You have
to convince me first that you're actually capable to get to your hotel on
your own.

"What do you mean this is not my home town? I may not be talking French at
the moment, but this could very well be my home town."

"Well, for starters, if you're emotionally torn, you don't exactly do that
in a foreign language, do you? You were way too far gone to actually think
straight for a moment. So I don't believe you cried your eyes out while
mumbling in a foreign language. Second I know who you are, so I know you're
in a boyband."

"You know that? So you're basically here to take advantage of me in my hour
of despair? You dirty bastard!?" Chris took a swing at the stranger, but
failed to hit him. The stranger looked at him with disappointment written
all over his face.

"Why do you think I would take advantage of you? I wouldn't have told you
that I knew who you were if I wanted to take advantage of you, would I?
Besides that, do you honestly think I would be that cold of a person? You
must have serious lack of trust in humanity if you think that I would do
that. You must have been hurt more seriously than I even thought. But if
you really think I will take advantage of you, I guess I'll get you to a
cab and leave you be then."

They both walked to the gates of the gardens of Versailles in absolute
silence. Chris' mind on the other hand was working overtime. "Do I honestly
think he would betray me to the press? Can I trust him even for a little? I
don't know the first thing about him. Maybe he really is who he claims to
be: a person willing to help me." The stranger admired his surroundings,
well aware of the internal battle Chris was fighting. A sad smile crossed
his face. "well at least I've tried to help a person this time, instead of
turning my back on somebody who needed me to be there."

Just before they left the gardens the stranger turned to Chris. "You'd
better put your disguise in place, if that is what you want. Personally I
don't think you're in danger of being recognized, but you may not want to
take that chance. You do have to wait a while to make those tear marks
disappear. I'll wait until you're ready to take a cab and then we'll part
ways, if that's what you want."

"No, I don't think that is what I want. Sorry for being so paranoid
earlier, but I don't know who to trust anymore. I've been betrayed beyond
betrayal earlier today and I have a real hard time trying to decide whether
I should trust you or not. I mean, I know nothing about you, yet you seem
to know something about me. That makes me very uncomfortable."

"There's no need for you to trust me fully. We both know I'm no reporter
and I won't go to the press. Even you, in your confused state, must realize
that." Chris nodded. "So I may know more about you than you know about
me. We could try and work that deficit away. It will take your mind of your
problems for a while and you'll get to meet somebody you didn't know
before. How about that?"

Chris considered what the stranger just said to him. He knew the other guy
wouldn't go to the press, he was right on that part somehow. He was also
right on the getting to know him part. It would take his mind of the whole
situation he was in right now. Who knows, he might end up with a friend he
didn't have before. Of course this didn't mean Chris fully trusted
him. There was still the factor that John could have sent him. Sure, he
denied it, but if John sent him he would deny it as well, so that was no
guarantee. Then why was he so sure that this guy wouldn't go to the press
with this story? At some level he did trust him.

"Ok, why don't I get to know you first and we'll see where that will get
me? You're right, at least it will take my mind of off whatever happened to
me."

"Sounds like a plan to me. Let's catch a train to Paris instead. I hate
cabs. Are you comfortable enough to get going again? We can wait a while if
you feel you're not up to walking through crowds again?"

"No, let's go. I think my face has cleared up enough not to be the walking
imitation of a puppy. Let's get to that train of yours. I always travel by
cab, so I haven't got a clue where you're taking me. That shows some trust
in you huh? And since we're getting to know each other better, I'm
Chris. You are?"

"My name is Steven. I'm from Holland, in case you were wondering about the
accent.."

"Didn't notice your accent. Well I wish we would have met in better
circumstances, but I think I'm glad you were there." As soon as the words
left his mouth, Chris wondered if he made a mistake by saying that. And was
it even true? Was he glad it was Steven who was there? Steven interrupted
his train of thoughts.

"Well, if the circumstances would have been different, we wouldn't have
met. But for your sake I wish we wouldn't have met. Then you wouldn't have
to deal with what you're dealing with right now."

Chris smiled at the care Steven was showing him. "I might get through this
alive. Maybe I can put John behind me." "Not in your wildest dreams" a part
of his brain answered him. "You're not worthy of care and attention Chris
and you know it." "Shut up" Chris whispered out loud.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"Nothing Steven, I was talking to myself. A bad habit I'm trying to kick."
Truth is he never done that before and Chris was slightly worried about it
now. Was he losing his mind or something?

They arrived at the railway station. "This railway will take us round
Paris. We're now south of Paris. We'll arrive at the gare Saint Lazare
(train station in Paris)in the northern part of Paris. Trust me, the sights
won't disappoint you." Steven had been right. The sights were absolutely
breathtaking. At one point during the journey they were on a hill north of
Paris, with a magnificent view of the whole city. For the first time that
day Chris actually felt somewhat at ease with himself and his
surroundings. This rail trip made him see new sides of the city he already
loved so much, despite what happened there earlier today. The beauty of
Paris overpowered Chris. He could ignore his feelings about his whole
situation and just revel in the sight of such beauty. Nobody recognized
him, as Steven told him. The train was half empty anyway, so he had nothing
to worry about.

Meanwhile Steven also enjoyed the sights. As Chris he was a true lover of
Paris, especially at this time of the year. The city never ceased to amaze
him. At the same time he was thinking about Chris. "What could have gotten
him so upset? It must have something to do with that John character. But
what could have been so bad? The only thing I can think of is a very badly
ended love affair or something. But that would mean that...." Suddenly
Steven smiled. "Of course. Chris must be gay. No wonder he's so terrified
of John. He could expose him for the world to see. He must have used Chris
in some way to get what he wanted. But how? Besides there must be more
people that know about his sexuality. That can't be the only thing he's so
afraid of. There must be more that's going on here. Some kind of abuse or
something? I don't think he was physically abused..." Steven shuddered at
the thought. What had happened to Chris? Steven looked at Chris who seemed
lost in the sights flashing before his eyes. Steven returned to his
thinking. "Your problem is much bigger than I thought Chris. How can I
possibly help you, even a little?"

They arrived at the gare in the beginning of the evening. "So, are you
hungry?" Steven asked. "I doubt that you've eaten something the entire
day."

Chris had to admit he was rather hungry. He didn't eat all day, something
highly unusual for him. Usually he was second in the gang when it came to
eating, after Joey of course. "Sure, I could use something to eat. Any
suggestions?"

"I don't know how comfortable you would feel in public. But if you're up
for it, why don't we go and eat in the student district of town? It's very
crowded there but also very cozy. It's near the Notre Dame, in case you
don't know where it is.

"You mean Quartier Latin? I don't know Steven, that's a really crowded
area. What if somebody recognizes me?

"The worst thing that could happen is that you may have to sign some
autographs. But look at the plusses. You'll be in the crowd. It'll take
your mind away from whatever that has happened. It's a safe place to get to
know me and for me to get to know you. It sounds as good as place as any to
get to know each other better. I know a nice restaurant on the edges of the
quartier. I'm sure we'll be able to eat there without you getting
recognized."

Chris pondered the thought. Steven did have a point. They would be out in
public. Nothing could happen to him there. If Steven turned out to be an
accomplish of John (why could he get that thought out if his mind?) Chris
had ample opportunities to get away from him. Not even John hurt him in
public, so Steven wouldn't do that either. If anybody would recognize him
he would be having dinner with a friend. Besides, nobody knew he was gay,
so nobody would make a connection. Not that there was a connection between
him and Steven anyway. Just friends having dinner in Paris - nothing wrong
with that. On the other hand, what did he know of Steven? He only knew this
guys name and that he came from Holland. Other than that he knew absolutely
nothing about him. But the only way to find that out is to get to know him
over dinner. Chris made up his mind.

"You've convinced me Steven. Let's go."


That's it for this chapter. I didn't plan it to be so, but I think both
chapters are about the same length. I actually wanted to end this chapter
at another point, but it took me a bit longer to get there. Again, for
those of you who thought the chapter should have gone differently or
anything, mail me :) flower_writing@yahoo.com. I hope you still enjoy
reading, cuz I still enjoy the writing. Maybe until next time!

Flower