Date: Fri, 20 Jun 2003 15:40:26 -0500
From: Cameron Writer <cameronwriter@hotmail.com>
Subject: A Light in the Tunnel  chapter 23

Hello everyone! I'm not going to waste your time by rambling on and on about
nonsense since we all know you are more interested in this chapter than in
anything I could fill space with. Unless, of course, you are searching for
some unique insight into me as a person. But then you probably won't find
that here since I like to keep such things private. LOL Ok, I'll stop joking
around and get to work here!

Disclaimer: I have no knowledge of NSYNC, anyone affiliated with them, or
any other celebrities that may appear here. This is a work of fiction, so
any mention of sexual orientations/habits or personalities are made up by
me! If you are offended by stories about relationships between men, or are
too young to legally read such things, please leave.


A Light in the Tunnel


Chapter 23





	The sun was finally able to make an appearance, though they reached Midtown
Manhattan at four in the morning. The sky, however, showed the promise of a
wonderful day, a trillion stars glittering, unhidden by even wisps of high
clouds. The rain that had plagued the entire New England area had moved off
the coast, leaving pleasant weather in its wake. Lance was the only person,
besides their bus driver, up at that ungodly hour, still amazed, after all
the years they had been coming to the city, at all the people walking the
nighttime streets and the number of little stores and cafes with neon lights
blazing. Times Square, as they cruised through it, was less busy than it was
at noon, but still teemed with people going to or returning from somewhere.
Though a country boy at heart, the bright signs and bustling noise never
failed to get his heart pumping. The bus came to a stop outside Madison
Square Gardens, their venue for this part of the tour, and he started a pot
of coffee. Being in New York meant long hours, their days filled with
interviews, TV appearances, concerts, nights at clubs, and dinners with
friends and family. They would be jazzed for a week, then not leave their
beds for another. Management had graciously decided not to disturb their
sleep, not moving them into the hotel until day had truly come.
	Now that the drone of the bus' engine had been cut off, Lance could hear
the other myriad of sounds around him. As usual, a soft rumbling meant that
Joey was sleeping deeply. Another noise caught his ears. Burke, on occasion,
would talk in his sleep, and this seemed to be one of those times. Lance,
covering the snicker bubbling on his tongue, crouched beside the boy's bed.
He was worried that a nightmare was spurring these words. "Eew! Wash your
hair!" The singer's eyebrow arched. "'Cause it's all greasy, and I don't
want to touch it! Please?"
Anything else slurred into an incomprehensible mutter, but Lance definitely
wanted to know what Burke had been dreaming about.
	They took two vans to the hotel, Josh, Chris, and Burke in one, the
plotters in the other. Justin, given the moment of privacy, phoned the hotel
to make sure everything was ready for them. The manager would meet them at
the front desk, and apologize for a mix up with their rooms. Normally they
would have gotten a five room suite, but the man would only offer them a
four room and a double, just as they had devised. Now they needed a way to
get Burke and JC to take the double.
	"I'm sorry sirs, but there is a problem with the rooms you requested. A
computer error placed you on the fourteenth floor instead of the fifteenth.
Unfortunately the suites on that floor are smaller than you had requested.
With your needs in mind, we included a double occupancy room. I deeply
regret this mistake, and will strive to make sure you are never
inconvenienced in this way again."
	"It's alright, Mr. Curtis. Thank you for trying to set things right. We
really appreciate it." Lance slyly smiled at the man, already pulling a
sizable tip out of his wallet.
	"Well, how do we want to do this?" Chris sighed as the sat on the couches
in the suite. "Two people get to go next door."
	"This sucks!" Justin pouted. "I was looking forward to having a room all to
myself."
	"That may not happen, Curly."
	"I don't mind sharing, so I'll go in the other room," Burke offered.
	"Thanks, son. How about we draw straws? That way it'll be totally random."
They agreed and Chris dug through the mini-bar, finding wooden toothpicks.
He carefully broke them into different sizes, then held his hand out. As his
co-conspirators chose, he deftly pressed the longer sticks up. With a streak
of good luck, Josh chose the one Chris knew would place him in the room with
Burke.
	"Looks like it's you and me," Josh said, not entirely displeased.
	"Is that alright, dad?"
	"Of course. If it wasn't, I wouldn't have let Josh draw for it."
	Justin's cell phone rang as they were gathering their luggage. "Crap!
Alright, Lonnie." He hung up. "Another problem. Lonnie was finishing up his
security sweep and discovered one of the beds in your room is broken. The
hotel is going to fix it, but it might take a while."
	"It's alright. I guess we can share a bed for a night. Is that ok, Burke?"
The boy, feeling as if something strange was going on, nodded. "We're going
to put our stuff up, then we'll be back over to look at the schedule."
	"Josh?" Burke asked as they were placing clothes in the closets.
	"Yeah?"
	"Do you have the feeling that something is going on?"
	"What do you mean?"
	"The rooms and all that. First the mix up with reservations, then the
broken bed."
	"No. After a while, you'll see that things like this happen every now and
then. We've been lucky so far. At least once, one of the hotels aren't
called, and we end up sleeping on the bus in the middle of a parking lot.
This is nothing compared to that. Do you think something is going on?"
	Burke shrugged. "Just a feeling. I'm probably just tired."
	"Do you want to take the day off and just rest? I'm sure Chris will let you
skip one day of class if you are feeling worn out."
	"I might ask him. Touring takes more energy than I thought it would."
	Josh quickly cleared his bags off the bed and pulled back the blankets.
"Come on and get in. I'll tell Chris that I put you to bed. I'm the resident
expert on sleep, and I say that you need more." Burke pulled off his shoes
and sweater, and climbed in. Josh, his touch light, tucked him in and kissed
his forehead. "Just rest, Burke. We'll see you later. Love you." With a
content sigh, the boy nestled into the plump pillows and let his eyes drift
shut. Josh paused in the doorway, looking at his drowsy boyfriend, smiled,
then shut off the light.
	"Love you, Josh."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	Burke woke up to a voice speaking from across the room. Stretching idly, he
looked over at Lance standing in the doorway. "Hey, bud. Feeling better?"
	"Yeah. I just needed a little nap. What time is it?"
	"Twelve thirty. I came to see if you were ready for some lunch."
	"Sure. You all shouldn't have let me sleep that long." Burke sat up, rubbed
his face, and ran his fingers through his hair.
	"Don't worry about it. You needed to rest. I have a question before we get
some food." Burke nodded, already knowing, by the smile on his friend's
face, that it was going to be something which would embarrass him. "You were
talking in your sleep this morning. It sounded pretty funny, and I was
wondering what you were dreaming about."
	"I had this crazy dream about you guys. Everything was different. Joe
looked like a nerd and was singing on a stage with people who weren't you
guys, you were telling a bunch of kids that they could sing even though they
couldn't, and dad was off somewhere. I don't know what he was doing. Justin
had gone away. He was singing songs I'd never heard."
	"What was the part about greasy hair? That's what you were talking about."
	"That was Josh. He looked like a trucker or something. I wanted him to wash
his hair because it felt gross."
	"If nothing else, Burke, your dreams are very imaginative."
	"Justin was with Christina Aguilera. I know they were friends a long time
ago."
	"They still are. We hang out whenever schedules put us in the same place.
But you are forbidden to go anywhere near her, at least by yourself!"
	"Why?" he whined. "Don't you trust me around a pop diva? I did just fine
with Britney."
	"I know. It's not that at all. Chrissy has an interesting idea about
expressing yourself through getting holes put in you. I for one don't want
to see her when presented with someone almost totally intact. You're too
much of a clean slate to entrust to her!"
	"But Lansten! What if I want to get several rings in my nose?"
	"Then you can wait until you're eighteen. But don't blame me if Chris goes
ballistic! Come on, the guys are waiting and you know how Joe gets if he
can't eat every few hours!"
	Since there wasn't a lot of time until their next engagement, they decided
to eat at the hotel's restaurant. Over a salad, Burke told them, at Lance's
prompting, about his dream. For a moment, Chris seemed worried about not
being in the vision, but was told it wasn't a bid deal. Somehow Burke knew
where he was, he just wasn't right there. Joey was the most excited,
insisting that he had been on Broadway, an assumption that earned him a lot
of teasing. After laughing at him, Burke was assured that there would never
be alone time with Christina Aguilera if they ever met.
	"Where are you off to next?" Burke asked as they were walking out of the
restaurant.
	"MTV's studios. We're taping an interview, then doing TRL. Want to come
along?" That offer was quickly taken, and they were off, using a limo
instead of one of the vans. Burke sat behind the cameras as his family was
interviewed, listening to the automatic responses the gave to all the
questions. He had seen them like that before, at meet and greets and such,
going through the whole process like robots. It wasn't long before the
questions became focused on Chris, asking about his being a father to a
teenager. He answered like the seasoned professional he was, his voice
ringing with genuine caring as he talked about his experiences with Burke.
When things got a little too personal, he brushed them off with vague
responses, of politely refuse to answer. When the cameras finished rolling,
the woman turned to Burke.
	"If and when the day comes that you two want to talk, it would be my
pleasure to share your incredible story with the rest of the world. Yes, it
would be the interview of the century, but I think a lot of people would be
touched by your stories. You don't have to say anything. I know it's not
time for that yet." Burke nodded his head and thanked her.
	Changing clothes quickly, the singers made their way upstairs, greeting the
legions of fans both inside and outside of the building. Burke managed not
to laugh when he saw his father keeping a safe distance from the high
windows. Justin and Joe flirted their way through the show, talking about
the tour and the videos they introduced. Every time one of them opened their
mouths, Burke could hear the collective sigh of the female fans packed into
the room. He almost rolled his eyes, but didn't, remembering that, not too
long ago, he was one of them. That thought made him smile. He was still a
fan of course, but he was also a part of the family. He wasn't a screaming,
nameless face professing love for someone he didn't know.
	That smiled faded, however. At one point, JC, for that was the person he
was at the moment, looked his way and gave a wink. The girls around him went
crazy, thinking it was for them. Burke gave one back, then faded into the
background, sneaking out of the room. He went back to the dressing room,
reassuring Warren that everything was fine, good naturedly complaining about
all the noise. Once out of eyesight, he began to fret.
It wasn't fair to Josh, he told himself. He has to pretend to be single and
straight, I just make that harder for him. And even if he wanted to come
out, I'm not the person he needs to be seen with. I'm a nobody. He needs a
gay version of Justin. Someone handsome and successful. Someone he has
things in common with. Someone good enough for him to love.
	Joey was happy when the show finally came to a close. Without being rude to
the fans, he hurried, as fast as possible, out the door. For the last half
of the show, he hadn't seen Burke anywhere, and was worried something had
happened. He saw Warren standing guard outside the dressing room, so he
knew, at least, that his little brother was still in the building. With a
smiling nod, he went inside. Burke was curled up on the couch, reading a
magazine. "You all right, little man?"
	"Sure, Joe. I just got tired of trying to hear you over the screaming.
Being at an arena is one thing. It's totally different to be sitting right
next to them." He forced a content look on his face, not wanting Joey to
worry about him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	When Burke came up from the basement level pool, he found a note tapped to
the door of his room. He grinned, instantly recognizing Lance's neat,
businesslike script.
	BURKE,
	I WENT TO DINNER WITH A PROSPECTIVE CLIENT. JOE AND CHRIS WENT TO SEE AN
OLD FRIEND. JUSTIN IS SHOPPING. JOSH IS TAKING A NAP. IF YOU GO ANYWHERE,
MAKE SURE ONE OF THE GUARDS ARE WITH YOU. AND LET JOSH KNOW BEFORE YOU
LEAVE. IF YOU GUYS GET HUNGRY, THERE IS A RESERVATION ALREADY MADE:
RICARDO'S. IT'S A GOOD PLACE TO EAT. SEE YOU LATER.
	LANCE
	Burke crept into the dark room, careful not to wake his sleeping boyfriend.
He took some clothes and disappeared into the bathroom, taking a shower to
rinse the chlorine off his skin. The lights were on when he came out, and
Josh was watching television. "Sorry for waking you up," he apologized as he
rubbed his wet hair with a towel.
	"You didn't. I asked for a wake up call at seven. Have a good swim?"
	"Yep. The guys are all gone." He gave the man Lance's note.
	"Ricardo's! I love that place. Do you want to have dinner?"
	"Sure. Do I need to wear something special?"
	"Khakis and a nice shirt. It's an upscale family place." They dug into
their expansive closet, each finding something that was appropriate. Though
they had seen each other naked, Burke excused himself into the bathroom to
change. When he had finished, they both crowded in front of the mirror,
their elbows banging together as they fixed their hair. Josh called the
front desk to arrange a cab, then security to let them know they would be
going out.
	Ready to leave, they walked down the hall, joined by Warren, and left. As
the elevator doors closed, Lonnie, from his room, picked up his cell phone
and dialed a number. "They just left," he laughed, loving the feeling of
being a spy.
	"Time for Operation: Get Some to move into it's next phase," Justin cackled
as his clicked his phone off.
	"I wish you wouldn't call it that," Lance groaned. Justin called the
restaurant to inform them that their targets were on the way, and made sure
everything was ready for them. "How are you planning on getting them to talk
about their problems?"
	"I hired a professional to stir the pot a little."
	"A professional? What are you talking about?"
	Justin grinned, pleased with himself. "I hired a guy to pretend to be very
interested in Jayce. Burke will get a little upset, and Josh will have to
explain how he feels. Brilliant, isn't it?"
	"Not really. What if Burke takes off? Did you think about that?"
	A frown crossed his lips. "Not really. But won't they still talk about it?"
	"Probably, but I don't want to see either of them hurt in the process. You
didn't think this one out very well, Justin. And I thought we were giving
them all week to work up to this."
	"I'll apologize if things go wrong, but don't get all riled up just yet.
I'm just impatient for them to be happy."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	Burke and Josh, after confirming their reservation, were led to a small
table in the back of the restaurant, away from prying eyes. They hadn't
asked to be put there, but figured the staff were just being helpful. "We
haven't had dinner together for a while," Josh smiled over the top of his
glass of water. "I'm sorry."
	"Don't be. We both knew there wouldn't be a lot of time for it. Besides,
we're here now, aren't we?" He winked at his boyfriend and turned back to
the menu. "So, what's good here?"
	"If you'd like, I'll tell you our specials for the evening." They both
looked up at the waiter who had appeared. The man rattled off a list of
delicious sounding foods, his eyes locked on Josh through the whole process.
Burke began to fidget in his seat. He didn't like the attention the man was
showing. Frowning while pretending to listen, he looked the waiter over. He
was tall, probably around 6'1, with blond hair and light colored eyes. From
the way his white shirt stretched over his chest, Burke could tell he had a
nice body. His smile and pleasant voice enhanced his attractiveness. That
was the kind of man who would look good with Josh, presentable. "Are you
ready to order?" he asked, still looking at the singer.
	"I'd like the linguine and clam sauce, with cheese ravioli as an
appetizer."
	"Very good, sir," he replied with a wink. "And you?" The tone of his voice
said that he wished Burke wasn't there.
	"The same please," he answered quickly. Burke was uncomfortable with the
feelings of jealousy running through him. He handed his menu over, and
watched the man's fingers brush along Josh's hand as he did the same. It was
a caress hidden within accidental contact.
	"He was nice," Josh mused as the man walked away.
	Something coiled inside Burke as he tried to smile. "Yeah." He had found
someone worthy of being with Josh, and was about to be cast aside. They made
small talk while waiting for their appetizers, Burke's side of it carried on
bravely.
	The waiter sat two plates down. "There you are. Enjoy!" His hand briefly
squeezed Josh's shoulder.
	Burke stuck his fork into a piece of ravioli, but his appetite had left
him. "What's wrong?"
	"Nothing. I guess I'm not as hungry as I thought I was." To prove a point,
he bit into the doughy pouch. "This is really good, though."
	Josh tenderly reached across the table, and pushed his hand down. "After
all this time, I can tell when you're upset about something. What's wrong? I
can't make it better if you don't tell me."
	"I'm just thinking about some stuff. Don't worry about it." Josh gestured,
and the waiter came over. "I'm afraid we'll be canceling our order."
	"Is something wrong with your appetizers?"
	"No, they're wonderful. We've got to be going though."
	"Dessert, perhaps?" Burke didn't miss the inflection or the cute look.
	"No thank you. If you could bring our check, that would be helpful. And, of
course, I'll be paying for the food we ordered."
	"Josh, we don't have to go."
	"There's something wrong, and I want to take you someplace private so we
can talk about it." As soon as everything had been had been paid for, they
left, walking down the block. "I've got the perfect place." Josh hailed a
cab, sent Warren back to the hotel after fervently promising to stay away
from people, and asked to be taken to Central Park. Once there, they climbed
into a waiting carriage. "Just drive around for a while," he told the woman
up front. She seemed to understand the words he wasn't saying, and urged the
dappled horse into a plodding walk. On their way, the singer's attention
returned to Burke. "Alright. Will you please tell me what's wrong? I know
something is bothering you, and that makes me upset. Have I done something
wrong?"
	"Of course not, Josh. You are wonderful to me."
	"Then what?"
	Burke blushed, knowing he was about to sound like a child. "It was the
waiter at Ricardo's. He was flirting with you."
	"Really?" Josh was quiet for a moment, replaying their short meal in his
head. "I didn't notice at the time, but maybe he was. I bet he recognized
me. I was too excited about being with you to pay much attention. But
there's more to it, isn't there?"
	"It's just what I was thinking during the whole thing."
	"What's that?" The boy looked away, staring at the darkness around them.
"If you keep it inside, Burke, I can't tell you what you need to hear."
	He didn't sway from his staring, too scared to look Josh in the eye. "I was
thinking about how nice he seemed. He was handsome. I thought about what the
two of you would look like together. Better than the two of us," he finished
with a choked whisper.
	"I didn't notice him at all. And I guarantee he wasn't as good as you."
	"How can you say that, Josh? You are nearly perfect, and I'm--well, I'm me.
You don't deserve someone like that."
	"Oh God!" In an instant, Burke found himself pulled against the man's
heaving chest. "Don't you ever think like that! You hear me? Never! I know
who and what you are, Burke. I've been there through some hard times. And
when I look at you, I see an angel. You are so smart and caring and
generous. You're beautiful to me. I love every part of you. From that head
with too many thoughts, those eyes I never want to see filled with tears,
the arms I want to feel against me, that heart that bleeds for everyone
who's hurting, right down to your little bitty feet. I just don't see how an
angel, even one who has forgotten how to fly, can love someone like me."
	"You, Josh? How can I not love you?"
	"I'm not perfect. You and Lance are so much smarter than I'll ever be. And
even though I think of him like a brother, it's easy to admit Justin is
gorgeous. I can't compare to them. I'm scared one day you'll see all that."
	They were both crying, tears spilling as they bared their souls. "I do love
you, Josh. There are people smarter than Lance and I put together. That
doesn't matter. And, in my opinion, Justin doesn't hold a candle to you. He
might be cute, but he doesn't make my heart beat faster whenever he smiles.
You do that. Maybe you aren't perfect, but to me you are, and that's all I
need. I worry about you waking up one day and seeing that you've wasted your
time on someone who isn't up to par with the world."
	"You're up to par in my world, way past it. You're all I've ever wanted,
Burke, and all I'll ever want. I'll never, *ever*, think that I've wasted my
time on loving you. You know why? Because that would mean I have second
thoughts, and that will never happen. All my life I've been waiting for you,
and now that I have you, I'm never letting go."
	They collapsed into each other's arms, finding solace and strength by
clinging to what both had prayed for. I love you's were exchanged freely and
often, dotted by brief kisses. Josh pulled out of the embrace, stood up, and
quietly spoke to their carriage driver. As they emerged from the park, he
paid her, and drug Burke into a taxi, giving an address to the man behind
the wheel. "What are we doing here?" Burke asked as they stopped in front of
Tiffany's.
	"Making sure this problem never comes up again." At that hour, few people
were in the store. Josh asked for the manager, and shared a whispered
conversation with the man. They were shown to a small room, and sat down in
the comfortable chairs.
	"How can I be of service this evening?"
	"Before that, Mr. Reynolds, I need to be sure you know that this is
a--tender situation."
	"Of course, sir. We respect the concerns of our customers. I assure you
this visit will be held in strict confidence."
	"Thank you. Burke, could you wait here while I talk to Mr. Reynolds?
Please?"
	"Um, ok. Do you need me for anything?"
	Josh smiled and squeezed the boy's hand. "For lots of thing, for the rest
of my life, but not with this."
	"Alright, just remember what you promised about spending money." The man
grinned wickedly as he and the manager shuffled out the door. Waiting, Burke
flipped through a catalogue of sorts, looking at all the products the
company could and did make. At one point he was interrupted by Mr. Reynolds,
the man making a quick appearance to measure Burke's fingers and neck.
	"We're ready to go," Josh said, sticking his head in the door half and hour
later. A small bag hung from his hand as they walked toward the door. "Thank
you so much for all you help, Mr. Reynolds."
	"You are very welcome. I am glad I could be of service. Please, come again
if there is anything else we can do for you."
	In the taxi for ten minutes, Burke's curiosity finally got the best of him.
"So, when are you gonna tell me what's in the bag?"
	"When it's the right time. Just know that it's a good thing, and be
patient." Burke huffed. "For me? Please?" The boy tried not to smile as Josh
lifted his hand and kissed it.
	"Oh, alright. Just because I love you so much."
	"Good. And I love you too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	Hand in hand, they walked down the quiet hall of the hotel. Josh keyed into
the room, and they entered. Through flickering candlelight, they were
greeted by a jungle of roses in every color. "Oh Josh!" Burke sighed,
breathing in the heady aroma. "This is beautiful!"
	"It is, but it wasn't me." A card sat on top of the television. "From the
guys. Warren told them that we went off to talk, and they thought this was
something they could do."
	"I love those guys."
	"Me too. I wonder what they would've done if we had had a big fight?"
	Burke plopped down on the bed. "I don't plan on ever finding out."
	Josh joined him, Burke's head falling on his shoulder. "Ready for what I
bought you?" He took the all too recognizable blue box out and sat it in
Burke's lap. "I don't want to go through another night like this. Or a week,
for that matter. I've been torn up all this time, and I didn't even notice
that you were too. I love you, Burke, and I'm blessed to be loved by you."
	Sniffling, he answered, "I didn't know what love was until I met you guys.
Now I have it in spades. But nothing compares to knowing that you have my
heart. I love you." Josh nudged the little box, and Burke carefully opened
it. Inside, nestled in navy velvet, lay a simple gold ring. "Oh-"
	"I'm not going to get down on my knees and propose. It's not time for
that--yet. I want you to put this on, and know that I am yours. Nothing, and
no one, will take me away from you. Someday we'll talk about making this
forever, but right now, I'm making you that promise." His fingers trembling,
Burke slipped the band onto his finger.
	"But what about-"
	"Already ahead of you." From the pocket of his pants, Josh pulled the
ring's match.
	Before he could put in on, Burke took it and pressed his lips against the
shining gold. "Nothing and no one," he murmured, tears evident in his voice.
He watched as the ring went on his boyfriend's finger.
	"Nothing and no one," Josh answered as he leaned in for a kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's it for now! I meant for this to be more drawn out, but, like Justin,
I was impatient. Or maybe I just felt the need to have a little romance! But
don't worry, there are still more issues (intimacy concerns) to be resolved,
and that will bring comedy into the picture. There are at least two more
chapters fully devoted to the New York visit.

I couldn't pass up the opportunity to work the real lives of NSYNC into this
story. I thought it would be cute to put them in a humorous light.

I'd love to hear your opinions. You can reach me at
cameronwriter@hotmail.com

Always,

Cameron

P.S. A dedication to a great friend: *TICKLE*