Date: Mon, 30 Dec 2002 18:15:13 -0600
From: Cameron Writer <cameronwriter@hotmail.com>
Subject: A Light in the Tunnel chapter 6

First and foremost, I want to wish each of you a very happy New Year. May
all your dreams find fruition in 2003. 2002 has been an interesting time for
me, but I must say that writing this story, and hearing from all of you, has
been the high point. Thank you all for being so supportive of me while
writing something that, at many times, is emotionally taxing. My map of
readers is global! I cannot begin to express how much that amazes me!

This story comes with my usual disclaimer: I do not know NSYNC, anyone
affiliated with them, or any other celebrities that may appear within these
pages. That said, it can be correctly assumed that I have no knowledge of
their sexual orientations/habits or personalities. This is a work of
fiction. If you are offended by stories involving relationships between men,
please leave. That advice goes to all those not of legal age.



A Light in the Tunnel:

Chapter 6



	Stunned into silence, Burke traipsed back into the house. Chris,
having heard Joey's confession, stood idly by, a playful smirk on his
face. "He did say that you came in under budget."
	"But--but-"
	"But what, Burke?"
	"Never mind. You'll just tease me about it. I'm going to bed, if
that's alright."
	"Of course it is. You're welcome to go to bed anytime you
want. This isn't prison, it's your home. And, no, I wouldn't tease you for
something you had to say--unless it's funny." Burke glanced at him, not
sure if that was a believable statement. "Anyway, I thought we'd get up and
do a little grocery shopping in the morning before your stuff arrives. I
didn't know what kinds of food you liked, so I didn't really stock
up. Sound good?"
	"Sure. I'm not too picky though. You could've bought just about
anything, and I would have eaten it."
	"Probably, but this way I know first hand. And we're due to be over
at Joe's mom's house at 6:30 tomorrow night."
	"Will she really try to feed me all the time?"
	Chris cackled. "Yes, she will, but you get used to it pretty
quick. She's an amazing cook."
	"Ok. Good night Chris."
	"G'night Burke. See you in the morning."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	Walking up and done the aisles of the grocery store, Burke and
Chris humorously argued over buying name brand or generic foods. When Burke
would drop a box into their cart, Chris would take it out, replacing it
with the more expensive version. Swinging through the produce section left
Chris racked with laughter after Burke explained his pickiness over
fruits. He drank orange juice, but hated anything else orange flavored,
detested all things apple and watermelon, and ate grapes but not grape
juice or grape candies or jelly. Feeling safe, Chris piled a bunch of
bananas into the cart. Burke threatened to move out when Chris added veal
cutlets, ranting about the treatment of the animals. Crowded by more than a
dozen bags, they squeezed into Chris' car, the trip proving more hilarious
than practical.
	They had barely put the food away when the furniture arrived. So as
not to keep the deliverymen busy all day, Burke insisted that they just
take things to his room and that he would arrange them afterwards. Grunting
and groaning, he chipped in with the carrying up stairs. Before they
started moving things into place, Chris and Burke measured and drew scale
models of the room and furniture, figuring out where everything would
eventually go.  That done and decided upon, they set to work. Chris
produced some tools and put the bed together while Burke pushed the dresser
into place. They flopped the mattress and box springs onto the bed frame,
and set the nightstands on each side of it. The bookcase was set up, and
the lamps plugged in. They made the bed, hung curtains, and set out all the
things Justin had insisted were necessary. Collapsing onto the bed, Burke
looked around the room.
	"Hey, what's wrong?" Chris asked when he returned from getting
something for them to drink, discovering Burke sobbing. "What's wrong,
Burke?"
	"Nothing," he sniffled. "It's just that I always wanted a room like
this, pretty and stuff. We could never afford it, and when we could, I
always made sure the money was spent on something or someone more important
than me. I guess I'm just happy."
	"Don't cry, Burke. Things are different for you now. You are
important to me, to all of us, and I'm going to make sure you have
everything you need or want. It's a job I want more than anything."
	Burke wiped his eyes with the hem of his shirt. "I never really had
a dad.  Did you know that?"
	"Yeah. I can't imagine what that must have been like. No one to
teach you all the things fathers are supposed to pass on to their sons, no
one to make you feel safe when you think there's a monster in your
closet. Hell, you didn't even have a mom to do those things, not really."
Burke turned away.  "I'm sorry. It just makes me upset. If I have kids one
day, I'm going to make sure, every day of their lives, to let them know
exactly how much I love them. Kids deserve that, and so do you."
	"Chris?"
	"Yeah?"
	"Never mind, it's stupid."
	"Go ahead, ask. I promise I won't make fun of you or anything."
	"I was wondering if--if maybe I could pretend that--you're my dad?"
Chris stared at him thoughtfully. "I'm sorry. I told you it was
stupid. Forget I said it."
	He struggled to get up, wanting to get away, but Chris reached out,
grabbing his arm. "Don't, Burke. I don't think that's stupid at all. In
fact, I'm glad to hear you asking for something that you need. I'm
incredibly flattered, and I'd be happy if we treated each other like that.
You are amazing, and I'd be proud to call you my own." They shared joyous
tears as they fell into each other's arms.
	Nothing else was accomplished the rest of the day, the two of them
relaxing and sticking close to one another. Every time Burke would look
over at Chris, his eyes would water, and the same thing happened when Chris
gazed at the young man. Determined to look like he fit in, Burke laid out
on the deck, searching for alligators first, trying to get a tan like most
of the other people he had seen. Chris interrupted his lounging with a
light meal, saying that eating heavy would only insult their hostess later.
	"Burke? Treasure troll? Where are you guys?"
	Burke snickered as Chris' ears turned red. "On the deck, Joe," he
yelled.
	Joey appeared moments later. "Hey guys. What's going on?"
	"Burke is trying to get a tan, and I'm working on some business
stuff."
	"Coolness. Get your room all set up?" Burke nodded, jumping up from
his chair and quickly pulling on his shirt. He took Joey's arm and drug him
into the house, leading him to the closed door of his bedroom. Burke walked
in, Joey following closely behind. "Wow! This looks great! Do you like it?"
	"Yes! Thank you so much, Joey!"
	"You're welcome. I'm just glad it turned out alright. Is there
anything else you need for in here?"
	"I don't think so. The bookcase will look less empty once I unpack
my stuff."
	"Good. Well, are you ready to go eat a lot of food?"
	"I guess. Do you think your mom will like me?"
	"No, she won't like you." Burke's face twisted in horror. "She'll
love you.  Calm down, little man, everything will be fine. Just eat until
you think you'll explode, then eat a little more! Come on, we'll get over
there before she has all the food finished. It'll give you a chance to meet
people without your mouth being full."
	Phyllis Fatone was enamored by Burke the moment he walked through
her door.  When he tried to call her ma'am, she quickly demanded that he
call her mamma since everyone else did. After meeting Joey's father and
brother, Burke was ushered off to the kitchen, the woman fussing about how
skinny he was.  Taking a seat at the island bar, Phyllis began offering a
spoonful of everything simmering on her stove, asking if Burke thought it
tasted alright. Burke honestly raved over each dish, startled when she
commenced pulling more bowls from the refrigerator. "Joseph, Jr.,
Christopher! Get in here!"
	"Mamma, you're going to fill Burke up before supper is ready."
	Phyllis shooed her son. "Nonsense. He's a growing boy."
	As the others straggled in, Burke was released from the kitchen,
dinner almost ready. He helped Justin set the table, then sat, sandwiched
between Joey and his mother. They ate, and talked, and ate some more, the
mountains of food slowly dwindling away. Laughter echoed through the house
as Joseph, Sr. told stories of his childhood, Phyllis throwing in some of
her sons for good measure.
	Several hours later, they left, Burke feeling as if his pants would
rip at any moment. On his lap sat a huge bowl of leftover spaghetti and
smaller dishes of things he had particularly liked. He stared out the
window, his mind clouded and jumbled. "Penny for you thoughts?" Chris
offered, turning down the radio.
	"Just thinking about something."
	"That's obvious. Care to tell me what it is?"
	"Phyllis said something as we were leaving. That it was nice having
a grandkid to spoil."
	"Why is that bothering you? You are part of our little family, and
that makes you part of our larger families."
	"I was just thinking about how wonderful it felt to be part of
something, then I felt bad because it wasn't my own family."
	"Burke, this is something I've learned from some very wise people.
Sometimes the family you create yourself is a million times better than the
family you were born with. Just look at it that way."
	"Phyllis told me I should call her nonna. Joe says that's Italian
for grandmother. It just doesn't seem polite."
	"I think it would be rude if you called her something she didn't
like. Sort of like calling me sir. If she says it's ok, then go with
it. Anything else?"
	"Justin said he was kidnapping me tomorrow. He wants to go shopping
or something."
	"That will be fun. He knows where all the good stores are
at. Remind me before you leave, and I'll give you some money."
	"Chris, I don't-"
	"Remember what we talked about this afternoon? You are like my son,
Burke, and it's my job. Just make sure he doesn't drag you into a rough
neighborhood. Sometimes Justin doesn't pay attention." Smiling at Chris'
affirmation of their bond, Burke agreed. Instead of heading straight home,
Chris swung by an ATM, withdrawing money just in case he didn't have enough
in his wallet. "This little expedition doesn't count against your
allowance, but it will next time."
	"Yes, poppa," Burke mocked. Chris didn't retort, but ruffled
Burke's hair, grinning. "Ugh! Don't do that!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	"Are you ready?" Justin asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet
like a boxer. Burke finished tying his shoes, suddenly nervous. "Come on,
daylight is wasting!" Burke held onto the car's dashboard as Justin swerved
in and out of traffic, shooting across two lanes without looking or
signaling. By the time they screeched to a stop in front of a mall, Burke's
hands were shaking and he had come close to passing out on several
occasions.
	"Justin, I can't wear these," Burke whined from under the pile
Justin had loaded his arms with.
	"Why not? The colors will look good on you. Is it the styles?"
	"They're fine, I guess. The colors are just really bright. I can't
wear them."
	"Why not?"
	"Too much attention."
	Justin's forehead wrinkled. "That's not a bad thing."
	"Yes it is. I don't usually wear things like that."
	"Oh, I get it." Justin hung the clothes up, then pulled Burke into
a secluded nook. "I want to talk to you about something really quick."
	"What's up?"
	"When you told everyone you wanted to move here, you said it was
because you wanted to grow as a person. How can you grow if you don't try
new things? You've left behind some horrible stuff, dude. Why not jump into
your new life? It's waiting for you."
	Burke scooted his foot over the thin carpet. He knew Justin had a
point. No one that hurt him was around. He had a father for the first time
in as long as he could remember, and guys that seemed genuinely interested
in him. This was a new life for him, a chance to be something other than a
timid castoff.  "I guess you're right."
	Justin pumped his fist in the air as if he had scored the game
winning basket. "Sweet! Let's do this!"
	They raced through a dozen stores, bags swinging from their
arms. When Chris' money ran out, Justin insisted on continuing, dragging
Burke along, his credit card blazing. When there were no more clothes to
buy, Justin began looking for something else. He found it in a salon. Under
Justin's close scrutiny, the stylist cut Burke's hair, then added blond
highlights.
	"Oh God, Justin! This is so different!"
	"It looks good. Do you like it?"
	Burke studied his reflection. "I guess so. What will Chris think?"
	"Have you seen some of our hairstyles over the years? This is
really calm, so I don't think you'll have to worry."
	"Thanks Justin."
	"For what? I didn't do anything."
	"You made me test the waters. I would have never done this," he
gestured to his hair, "or bought some of those things."
	"Then you're welcome. Come on, let's grab something to eat, then
we'll head back home."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	As if he were a new toy on Christmas morning, the guys seemed
dedicated to spending every moment with Burke. Lance invited everyone over
for a barbecue and pool party. Burke was happy he had gotten a swimsuit
earlier. Much to his relief, Chris approved of his hair, as did the others,
though Joey thought something more outrageous would have been good. While
Lance gave Burke the grand tour of his sprawling house, the others started
burgers.
	On the balcony overlooking the back yard, Lance pointed to a set of
lounge chairs. The look in his eyes scared Burke, thoughts of being
unwanted blazing to life. "You don't want me here, do you?" he murmured,
moving to the far side and gripping the white iron railings.
	"Of course I do. It's just that I know there are some things you
are afraid to tell people. I thought I'd offer to talk about them if you
aren't ready to tell Chris. I'm a good listener."
	"There are some secrets that you all can't know. It would screw up
too many things."
	"I doubt that. We all care about you Burke, and that's not going to
change.  I'm not going to force you into saying something, but I think
getting all that off your chest will make stuff easier."
	Burke squeezed his eyes shut, almost believing Lance. "You will
hate me, everyone will hate me. My mother did."
	"Oh Burke." Lance's voice cracked, "We're not your mother. You have
to realize that. Even if it's something I don't like, I'll still be your
friend. Nothing will change."
	"Yes it will! I can't tell you, Lance. I just can't!"
	"Shh," Lance cooed, wrapping his arms around the trembling
boy. "You don't have to say anything. Turn around and look at me, Burke."
Slowly, he obeyed.  "I know we haven't worked our way up to the point of
you trusting me, but anything you want to talk about will be kept between
the two of us. Your secrets will be my secrets. Do you understand?" Burke
nodded, determined to keep one secret to himself. Lance smiled. He hugged
the teen, placing his mouth next to his ear. "Besides," he whispered, "I
don't think any of the guys will have a problem with you being gay."
	Burke shoved Lance away, his eyes wild in fright. "I'm
not--why?--how?--you're wrong!"
	"It's ok, Burke, it's ok. I don't hate you, and I guarantee none of
the others will either."
	"It makes me evil. The Bible says I'm going to hell."
	Lance's face was pinched. "The Bible says a lot of things. It says
that women should sit silently in the back of the church, and my momma
would rather not go than be quiet. Some people say that the translations
are messed up. Do you want to know my opinion? I think, as Christians, that
we follow Christ's example. He preached love everywhere he went. His
friends were people others didn't like. Love is a good thing, Burke. It
isn't wrong.  If you like guys more than girls, that's ok. Just as long as
the love you have is pure."
	"I'm never going to fall in love, Lance. Nobody will ever want me
like that."
	"You are so wrong. That's your mother and all those other people
talking.  One day a guy will come along and see how wonderful you are, and
he'll snatch you up and make you so happy. I know that for a fact. You just
have to wait until that time comes. Now, I really think you should tell
Chris this."
	"No! He'll kick me out!"
	"No he won't. And if he does, I'll move you in here, then have a
nice, long talk with him. But it won't happen, I promise. Burke, you should
tell him.  If you don't a wall will be built between you. Chris told me
that you asked if he could be your dad. He was so excited about it! You
don't want that relationship to suffer. He can't help you if he doesn't
know the problem."
	"Maybe."
	"I won't force it. Now, I have a *very* serious question. Who is
the best looking?" Lance snickered, letting Burke know he was only joking,
the color returning to his face. "Let's head down before they send a search
party out for us." Rejoining the party, Lance shook his head when Chris
asked if anything was wrong.
	Despite his lingering apprehension, the evening was fun, everyone
playing in the pool. Lance set a radio out, and they serenaded each other
when good songs came on. Justin won their diving contest, and Burke and
Joey tied in races. Several times throughout the evening, Lance gave Burke
a slight smile, gesturing that he should talk with Chris. They went
ignored.
	Justin's ingenious idea, they decided to use the grill for toasting
marshmallows. Sitting around, air drying and stuffing their faces, Burke
thought about what Lance had said. It was possible they wouldn't hate him,
and it was possible he wasn't bad because he was gay. "Umm, guys?"
	"What's up, little man?"
	Burke looked to Lance, who moved across the deck to sit beside
him. "I have something kind of important to tell you. Lance says it'll be
alright, but I'm still scared to say it. I'm afraid that you won't want me
around anymore."
	"That's not going to happen, dude. You're my new shopping buddy!"
	"Go ahead, Burke," Josh said, "we're behind you no matter what."
	"It's just that-," his voice trailed off, unsure of himself.
	"It's alright," Lance whispered, taking his hand.
	"I'm gay," he blurted, waiting for the barrage of insults and fists
to fly.
	"Cool," Joey replied. "Can you pass me another marshmallow?"
	"Joey! Shut up!" Justin hissed.
	"What? Burke's gay, and I'm hungry."
	"This is another of those serious moments ruined by Joey's apathy,"
Chris groaned before turning back to Burke. "Thank you for telling us
Burke. I'm sure that was really hard for you to do. And, in case you still
have doubts, I still love you."
	Burke searched Justin and Josh's faces. "We're all good, dude,"
Justin smiled.
	"Thanks for telling us," Josh added, "and, for the record, it
doesn't matter one bit." Grinning, they gathered into a tight group,
hugging Burke.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	Up early again, Burke sat around the house watching trash
TV. According to the show, Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey had gotten into
a cat fight at a New York nightclub, aliens were building a shopping mall
outside of Berkeley, California, and Cher was going back to the studio for
another comeback album. "I can't believe you are watching this," Chris
mumbled as he came into the living room.
	"There was nothing going on in the news, and I didn't feel up to
making breakfast yet."
	"I've got that duty this morning. What do you want?"
	"Uh, just some toast and a bowl of cereal."
	"Then you get to fix that yourself. Go in the kitchen and eat."
	"Yes, poppa!" Pouring a bowl of frosted flakes, Burke hear Chris
laughing hysterically in the other room. Figuring something funny was on
the television, he poked his head in.
	"Sources close to the group are not commenting on the identity of
the young man, but have said he is a close, personal friend," A voice spoke
from the TV.
	"Who are they harassing now?" Burke asked, moving closer. He
studied the screen for a moment, gasping when his picture appeared. It was
of him and Chris buying groceries, then one of his shopping trip with
Justin, and finally, all of them in the furniture store, Joey's arm around
him.
	The camera zoomed onto the blond announcer, the shot around her
reading BOYBAND'S BOY TOY. "As you can see, these images show NSYNC and the
mysterious man looking very close. This further enflames rumors circulating
around the group concerning their sexuality."
	"Hey, you've made the rumor mills!" Chris cackled.
	"Stop it! I knew this would happen! I would come down here and mess
up your lives! I've screwed everything up!" Before Chris could stop him,
Burke raced up to his room, slamming the door behind him.
	Chris grabbed the telephone and called Lance. "Hey, it's me. Have
you seen tabloid TV this morning?" He heard stomping upstairs. "Burke and
us made the front page, so to speak. Can you give the guys a call and come
over? Burke isn't taking it well." He stared up at the ceiling, knowing
that his newly found son was devastated. "Thanks, Lansten. See ya in a
bit."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's not really a cliffhanger, you please don't hate me! I hope you all
enjoyed this chapter. The next one will prove to be interesting for Burke
and everyone around him. Especially for someone in particular!

As always, you can reach me at cameronwriter@hotmail.com I will get back to
everyone that writes, I promise.

On a special note, I'd like to congratulate Josh on his early graduation!