Date: Fri, 24 Jan 2003 12:05:13 -0600
From: Cameron Writer <cameronwriter@hotmail.com>
Subject: A Light in the Tunnel  chapter 9

Hello everyone! As promised, here is the next chapter of A Light in the
Tunnel, written and posted in a timely manner. My sincerest thanks to all of
you for being so understanding of the changes in my schedule and how it
affect my ability to get things written. I greatly appreciate your
encouraging words, in all their forms.

I have received some e-mails about how this story should be nominated for a
BBSA Award. That is not a goal anywhere on my list as I write A Light in the
Tunnel. If it happens, I will be honored, but please know my only objectives
are to tell a great story, relieve the stress in my life, and perhaps, in
some small way, give people a chance to examine themselves and their lives.

Disclaimer: I do not know NSYNC, anyone affiliated with them, or any other
celebrities that might eventually find their way into these musings. Thus, I
cannot factually describe their sexual orientations/habits or personalities.
This is a complete work of fiction. If you are offended by tales of
relationships between men, or are not of legal age in your community, please
look elsewhere for more appropriate entertainment.


A Light in the Tunnel:


Chapter 9


	Cars full of bewildered tourists, soccer moms and their bubbling offspring,
and cranky businessmen sped past Burke as he trotted down the hot, cracking
sidewalks of Orlando, constantly looking over his shoulder in case Josh or
someone else was out searching for him. It dawned on him that he was out in
the open, easily spotted by anyone paying attention. He also realized that
he had no idea where he was going. That scared him more than anything, never
the kind to go off without some vague plan. Coming upon one of the city's
many sprawling parks, he ducked behind a row of dense shrubbery, safe from
eyes passing on the road. Burke slowly made his way toward a set of swings.
He dropped into one, swaying slightly as the chains rocked back and forth.
What would he do now? Where would he go? There was always Lisa, back home
with her wonderful family. But he would ruin them just as he had almost
ruined his new friends. He couldn't bear to think about that. He was all
alone because he refused to destroy anyone but himself.
	As he sat there, the sun baked his bare arms and legs, his cell phone
continuously vibrated against him thigh. Burke made no move to answer it,
knowing the pain he would cause by doing so. Wondering, he pulled his
tattered wallet from his back pocket, carefully counting the bills inside.
Chris had given him his allowance, and, after paying off the woman at the
restaurant, there was eighty dollars left. Surely, he thought, this would be
enough to get away, enough to buy a bus ticket far from the people he cared
for so deeply. Chris would be mad, but he would be angrier when his career
went up in flames. Tears stung Burke's eyes as he envisioned everyone
wondering about him though they shouldn't.
	"Hey, little man, you alright?" Burke jumped up at the nickname, expecting
to see Joey looming over him. Instead of the singer, a short, pudgy, balding
man stood there. "Sorry about scaring you. I was sitting in my car, over
there, and I saw you sitting here by yourself."
	"I'm just fine, sir. Thank you for asking."
	The man looked around, searching for something. "You know, if you need some
cash, I could help you out."
	Burke stared at him. "No, thank you. I'm fine."
	"A ride somewhere? Something to eat?"
	"Could you tell me where the bus station is? I'm new here and I'm not sure
where it is."
	"Sure, kid. I think I've got a city map in my car. I'll mark the route for
you." His face cast downward, Burke followed the man across the grassy lawn,
staring at his feet as they stepped over bits of rock and clumps of sod.
"Why don't you climb in for a second? It may take me a minute to find
everything and there's no reason for you to stand there sweating to death.
Especially if you aren't going to let me drive you to the Greyhound
station." Willing to do anything to get going, despite what his instincts
screamed, Burke slid into the passenger's seat of the dark sedan. It was
cooler inside, the air conditioner blowing across his damp skin, giving him
a pleasant little chill. The man reached over and dug around in the glove
box, balancing himself by setting his free hand next to Burke's leg, their
skin touching. "Ah," he smiled, pulling a map out, "here we are."	Burke
anxiously watched him trace a series of roads with a black pen, finally
circling a spot. When he started explaining the path, he didn't move, so
Burke had to slide closer to get a good look at the map. He was paying too
much attention to the route, and didn't notice anything else going on in the
car. The man's arm burst out, clutching Burke by the back of the neck and
yanking him downward.
	The man's hard dick stuck out of the fly of his khaki shorts, the slimy
head rubbing against Burke's cheek as his face was thrust toward it. "Enough
games, little man. I'm tired of flirting, so let's get down to business."
Petrified, Burke tried to push away, using his arms to keep his face from
the man's groin. He mumbled desperately, crying that he wasn't a whore and
that he didn't want to. "Not a trick, huh? Yeah right. A sweet little thing
like you, hanging around here? You were looking for this. C'mon baby, make
me feel good."
	His inner demons flared to life. You're a cocksucker, Burke. Just get over
yourself and do it. You're a nasty fag. Burke fought, not wanting to believe
his own voice, and not wanting to be prey for this man. The harder he
struggled, the harder the man pushed. Burke opened his mouth to scream, and
was shoved down, impaled on the man. "Yeah baby," he sighed. "Go ahead. Make
love to my cock." He bounced his hips a little, nearly choking Burke.
	Sobbing, he pictured his mother laughing at him, saying he was getting what
he deserved, what all dirty fags deserved. Instead of feeling helpless, he
got angry, allowing his rage to boil over for the first time in his life.
Seeing red, he sunk down on the man's dick, hating the moan it elicited. The
next moment, his teeth locked on, gnawing the gross invader. The man
shrieked and struggled to get Burke off of him. As soon as he was free,
Burke swung wildly, yelling at the top of his lungs. Grabbing the map, he
broke out of the car, running across the park as fast as his wobbly legs
could go. He didn't stop until he had covered several blocks, slowing in
front of a seedy gas station. He rushed inside, and grabbed a soda from the
cooler. Not waiting until he paid, he gulped it down, trying to get the
man's taste out of his mouth. Over and over he drank, washing away
everything.
	"Ma'am," he spoke once he had reached the counter, "is this the way to the
Greyhound station?" He laid his map in front of her.
	"Yes, son."
	"Thank you." He paid for his drink and walked out, pleased to find that his
fleeing had taken him in the right direction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	"Damn it! Why isn't he answering his phone!" Chris slammed his car phone
into it's cradle.
	"Because he knows it's one of us," Lance answered, his attention focused on
the people they passed. "You need to calm down or we'll have a wreck before
we find him."
	"I can't be calm! He's my responsibility, and he's wandering around out
here somewhere, lost and alone!" The phone rang and he scrambled to grab it.
"Hello? Burke?"
	"No, it's Joe. I guess this means you haven't heard anything either."
	"No."
	"I'll check with mom. She's out looking too, and Lynn and Justin are
driving around."
	"Alright. Call me the minute you know anything. I want to keep this line
open just in case."
	"OK. We'll find him Chris."
	"No news?" Lance asked.
	"That was Joe. He said his mom and Lynn and Justin were looking too."
	Lance squeezed his distraught friend's shoulder. "We'll find him, Chris.
Everything will be just fine. He's just spooked right now."
	The man sniffled. "I hope so, Scoop. I hope so."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	A candy apple red Miata sped past Burke as he trudged toward the bus
station. He wished he had a ride like that, something that could take him
far away very quickly. He watched the little sports car swing into the
parking lot of a T-shirt business ahead, not thinking anything about the
screeching tires as it slid to a stop. Burke walked on, hoping there was a
bus leaving soon after he got to his destination. He wondered how far he
could get on a little less than eighty dollars, and what would be waiting
for him when he got there. Would there be other men like the guy at the
park? Others who would see him as a piece of meat to be enjoyed then spit
out? He was lost in the smell of the man's body, the putrid sweat rising
from his skin. He had done something to deserve that treatment. It was a
punishment for every wrong thing he had done.
	The darkly tinted window of the Miata slid silently down. "Burke," the
woman inside said as he neared the car. "Burke, get in and we'll take you
home."
	His jaw dropped as he looked at Lynn. "No, I don't have a home. I--I have
to get out of here. I'm sorry." He stepped around the back of the car and
started running. Footsteps pounded on the concrete behind him.
	"Burke! It's Justin! Burke, stop!" That made the boy try to go faster, not
wanting to look into the eyes of someone who would eventually hate him. "If
you don't stop, I'll tackle you! I'm faster than you are Burke!"
	"Just leave me alone, Justin! Just leave me alone!" A powerful blow from
the back drove Burke to the ground with a thud, his breath rushing out of
his tired lungs and his knees skidding over the pavement. He tried to roll
over, but was pinned.
	"I warned you," Justin snarled above him. "I'm going to get off you, and
you *are* going to get in the car. Is that understood?" He yanked Burke to
his feet, dragging him by the wrist. The whole time, Burke whimpered,
begging to be let free. Justin shoved him into the back seat, climbing in
quickly before he could escape.
	"Was that necessary, Justin Randall?" Lynn scolded.
	"Yes, it was." He grabbed the phone from his mother's lap and dial. "Chris,
it's Justin. I got him." Burke watched him staring from the rear view
mirror. "We're on our way to your house now...See ya in a bit."
	Burke's head swung back and forth, trapped in the cramped back seat of
Justin's car. He didn't want to see the angry faces of Chris or Joey,
Justin's was bad enough. He especially didn't want to look at Josh. He
didn't want to find a bit of darkness in his happy eyes, darkness he knew he
had put there. Burke's legs tightened, unaccustomed to running. He saw the
thin trail of blood seeping out, oozing over his kneecap and disappearing
down his shin. "Justin, I'm bleeding. I need to go to the doctor."
	"You scraped your knee. You'll be fine. We'll clean it once we get you
home." Burke's head drooped, abashed by the monotone Justin used.
	Chris stood on the small front porch as they stopped in the driveway, his
arms crossed over his chest. Justin escorting the boy, they slowly walked up
the front steps. Burke wouldn't meet his father's gaze, ashamed at being
caught, and afraid of what he would say. Instead of a barrage of shouting or
a beating, he was pulled into a hug. "Thank God you're ok. Come on, let's go
inside and get you cleaned up." Shocked beyond belief, Burke let himself be
led into the house. Lynn and Phyllis sat him in the kitchen, setting a glass
of water on the table, and quietly fussing over his knees.
	"You'll live, sweetheart," his nonna cooed. "I'm glad you're home."
	"Burke," Lynn continued, "I know you are afraid of falling short of
everyone's expectations or messing something up, but that isn't going to
happen. No one expects you to be perfect. Just let us love you."
	"Everyone hates me know," he whimpered, "Justin, he hates me."
	"No, honey. He was scared, and that makes him angry. He was rough because
he didn't want you to get away and disappear."
	His friends watched solemnly as Burke came into the living room, sheltered
between the women. He took a seat on the couch furthest away from Chris, and
refused to look any of them in the eyes. "No one is going to yell at you,
Burke," Lance spoke. "We're just glad you are fine."
	"No one is going to yell at you because this is my fault. I scared you, and
you did what you thought you had to do."
	Burke's eyes blazed, astonished Josh would try to take the blame. "No,
Josh. I ran away because you are wrong about me. All of you are. I'm not
wonderful like you, no where close. I'm so bad. I make bad things happen,
and I deserve to have nothing. I wish you all wouldn't have come after me.
You're better off if I'm gone."
	"Nothing bad is going to happen, Burke," Justin said.
	"It isn't happening right now, but I promise you it will. Look at what
happened with those news people! I'm not worth losing your careers!"
	Joey jumped to his feet and stomped away, an angry glare burning away
anything in his path. Burke bowed his head, ready to lose the man he called
his friend and brother. When he returned, he dropped a pad of paper and a
pen in Burke's lap. "You need to write some letters."
	"What?"
	"I didn't stutter. The first one is a letter of apology to the people of
Ethiopia. You seem to think everything that doesn't go right is your fault,
so you need to apologize for causing them to have a food shortage. Get to
writing."
	Burke stared at the paper, then his friends and new family. "I've never
been out of the country, Joe," he whispered. "I didn't do anything to those
people. This is stupid."
	"Exactly," he replied with a smirk. "You are so ready to call yourself a
curse, but the truth is you have had a rough life. Things that happened when
you were a baby are not your fault. Your *mother*," he continued with a
noticeable grimace, "is a very sad person. She hates herself so much the
only way she can feel better is to put other people down. And that person
has been you. You choose to believe what she says even though all of us tell
you she is dead wrong. Why don't you start listening to us? We didn't throw
you away because we're idiots. We all love you as if you were always part of
our families. You listen to her opinions, but why not ours?"
	Burke drug his fingernail along a line on the paper, creating a shallow
rut. "But I'm a fag, Joe, a cocksucker."
	"Watch your mouth," Lynn chided sternly.
	"And?" Josh asked. "Does that mean you are doomed to a life without love?
If so, then the two of us will have to go through it together." Burke's head
snapped up, amazed that Josh had made such a public statement. He watched
the others, waiting for a hell to break loose. They would kick Josh out of
the group, and it would be all his fault. "Burke, we're family here. Lynn,
Phyllis, and the guys know that I'm gay. They've known for years."
	"And as long as he keeps his hands to himself, we don't care," Chris said
with a giggle. "We just want Josh to be happy, and if that person is a guy,
cool. We all want the same thing for you, son."
	Burke had a flash of a vision, him sitting on a porch swing, in the arms of
someone he loved, watching the sun set. That image was broken by the memory
of the man at the park, his foul odor invading Burke's nose. His hands went
to his face, weeping at the thought of someone else treating him the same
way. "Honey," Phyllis murmured, "what is it?" Through sob choked phrases,
Burke told them about the man.
	"That son-of-a-bitch!" Joey growled, pacing around the living room. "I'll
fucking rip his dick off and shove it down his throat!" He ranted and raved,
no one brave enough to scold his cussing.
	"Burke, that wasn't your fault," Lance plied, kneeling in front of the boy.
"You were just sitting there, trying to find some help. He's was a bastard.
He had no right to try to force you into that. You did nothing wrong. He
did. Just because you are gay doesn't mean anyone has the right to do that,
you deserve so much better."
	Throughout the afternoon, the group talked things through, many tears shed
as they tried to solve any problem they could think of. Because it made him
uncomfortable, the guys pledged not to go out of their way to spend large
amounts of money on Burke, and he vowed to talk about things instead of just
shutting down. Over pizza, they discussed what Burke thought about himself,
Lance holding a mirror before the boy to prove all his misconceptions wrong.
Lynn and Phyllis left after supper, having other family members to feed, but
smothering Burke in hugs and kisses before walking out the door.
	"Burke, I want you to make me a promise," Joey said.
	"I'll try."
	"I want you to remember everything that we've said today. I know you will
have bad days, everyone does, but I want you to remember that we love you
and only want you to be happy. When things look bad, or you start thinking
about what other people have said in the past, remember all the things we've
said." Burke nodded.
	"Now, I think you and Josh have some serious talking to do," Chris spoke.

Worried about what might happen, Burke followed the man into the kitchen,
dumping dirty paper plates in the trash. He looked up at Josh, finding him
staring at Burke with a concerned gleam in his eyes. For the second time
that day, Burke felt himself falling into those eyes. "I handled this
afternoon all wrong. I wish I could have done it differently, not springing
it on you the way I did."
	"You surprised me, and I didn't deal with it well."
	"Look, Burke. I like you. I'm not saying I'm in love with you, but I think
there is that possibility. I want to get to know you better, outside of this
group. What do you think?"
	Burke chewed the inside of his cheek, wondering what he actually thought
about the situation. The stared at Josh, searching his face. As far as looks
went, Josh was beautiful, his eyes pure cobalt. "I guess we could go out
sometime," he answered, blushing. "I'm not sure about this, though. There
are always people around, and I don't want anything to happen that could
hurt you."
	"Then we play it cool, do something that friends might do. Only you and I,
and probably those guys, will know it's a date. I also want you to know that
I don't expect anything from you. This is just two people getting to know
each other, nothing more."
	"You don't want to have--have sex with me?"
	Josh's jaw dropped, taking a minute to recover from the shock of the
question. "No. I want to take you out on a date, that's all. If, in the
future, that comes up, we'll deal with it then. But I'm not going to do
anything unless we get really serious about each other." Burke's face
reddened. "What are you blushing for?"
	"It's just that I've never--until today-"
	"Today doesn't mean a thing. You didn't want to do anything. And it doesn't
matter to me that you're a virgin." Burke nodded sadly, thinking about what
was almost his rape. "I would never do anything like that to you, Burke. I
swear on the Bible."
	"Why me Josh? There are tons of people who would love to be with you."
	"Maybe, but that doesn't mean I want to be with them. There are so many
that only see me as JC, the pop star. They don't care about anything else.
Even though you're a fan, you still look at me like a normal person, or at
least I hope you do."
	"I do, I swear I do," Burke jumped in.
	"Good. At the same time, I don't see you as just another fan. You're my
friend, my little brother." Burke snickered. "What?"
	"That's incest, Josh."
	The man chuckled and rolled his eyes. "We're not really related, smart ass.
But you know what I mean? You are a real person to me, and I like that." The
gazed at each other for a few moments. "So, what do you say? Wanna go on a
date with me?"
	Burke smiled softly. "Sure, Josh. I'd like that."
	"You're forgetting something, Mr. Chasez," Chris spoke from the doorway.
	Josh gaped, trying to figure out what he meant. "Huh?"
	Chris frowned. "Maybe I should have a talk with your mother about your
manners. I know you didn't grow up where Lance did, but it is still polite
to ask the parents permission before taking their kid out." A wicked smile
broke out on his face.
	Josh and Burke laughed. "Alright you crazed Treasure Troll. May I *please*
take Burke out?"
	"Sure." Chris turned back to the other room, but stopped and looked over
his shoulder. "Just remember, group or no group, I'll beat your ass if you
anything but a gentleman."
	Josh's skin paled, not sure how serious his friend actually was. "Do you
think he's really do that?" Burke asked.
	"I'm not sure, but I don't think I want to find out!" They chuckled over
Chris' threat and their predicament. "How about tomorrow night? It's a
little late tonight."
	"I guess. I don't think I have anything to do."
	"Great. I'll pick you up around seven. Dinner and a movie work?"
	Burke winked at him, "Not very original."
	"What can I say? I'm a sucker for tradition!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	Burke tore through his closet, throwing anything half decent on the bed.
His hands were shaking, nervous about going on his first date with Josh, his
first date with anyone. Back at home, no one paid attention to him. Holding
clothes up to himself, he tried to find something nice to wear,
experimenting with different colors, but coming up with nothing. He didn't
want to disappoint Josh by showing up dressed like an idiot. Hoping for
inspiration, he tried every possible combination of the things he owned. A
bright flash took his eyes off the mirror and to the doorway. Chris stood
there, looking amused, with a camera in his hand. "Could you be any cuter?"
he giggled.
	"Shut up!" Burke pouted, almost distraught. "I can't find anything to
wear."
	Trying not to laugh, Chris poked through the heap of clothing. "Nothing
catch your eye? There's plenty here."
	"Don't patronize me, dad. I'm a wreck and you're standing there making fun
of me."
	Though he found the whole scene hilarious, Chris realized that Burke was
deadly serious. "Ok. First of all, settle down. It's just Josh. He already
likes you so you don't have to worry about making a good first impression.
Take a couple of deep breaths." Burke obeyed, glowering. "Now, let's find
something you like." They searched through the clothes, Chris pointing out
several outfits he liked. Burke, however, was displeased with everything.
"Teenagers!" Chris sighed.
	"Teenagers? Oh! Great idea, dad!" Burke dove across the bed and grabbed his
cell phone, hitting one of the speed dial buttons. "Lynn? It's Burke...Just
fine. Is Justin there?...Could you? I really need to talk to him. Thanks."
	"I have my own clothing line, and you're asking Justin for advice?" Chris
teased.
	Burke held up a finger so he would be quiet. "Justin, I need your help. I
have a date tonight...Yeah, but I can't find anything to wear...That's what
I was hoping for. I'd really appreciate it...Thanks a lot. I owe you one.
See ya in a bit."
	Chris pretended to look hurt. "I can't believe you are dumping dear old dad
so you can go shopping with that curly headed freak."
	"Well-," Burke stammered, "it's just that he's closer to my age, and knows
Josh really well, and-"
	"It's alright, Burke. I understand," he smiled, letting Burke see that he
was just fine. "You're buying this on your own though. Dates are not my
responsibility, especially when you have lots of clothes right here."
	"No problem. Thanks dad." Burke hugged the man before getting ready for
Justin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's it for now. I hope you enjoyed it.

As always, you can reach me at cameronwriter@hotmail.com  I love hearing
your opinions, and all those who write will definitely hear back.

Always,

Cameron

Next chapter: The Big Date!!!