Date: Wed, 28 Mar 2001 21:21:04 -0000
From: Brown Eyes <calm_lost@hotmail.com>
Subject: A Little Bit of Both - Chapter 4

This chapter is going to cover a few things that will definitely make the
story interesting. We could see a little turmoil, maybe some emotions
running rampant. Just read and find out.

"The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon, but its echo
lasts a great deal longer."
Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

The quote has some significance in this chapter. It isn't just
random, so pay attention to it.

Last time on Chapter 3

"Justin we need to talk about something important." JC decided that was
the best way to begin. If the others knew, he knew that Justin had to be
informed too. He wasn't going to tell him that he loved him, just
that he was gay, and maybe about the kiss with Jordan.

Justin didn't respond though, just continued to cry. JC knew just
what to do and sat down on the bed. "Justin, this is going to be hard for
you to hear, and it's hurt for me to say, so I'm just gonna
say it...."

"I'm sorry Josh, I don't, it's just, I don't mean
to cry over this." Justin stopped him before he could say it. JC
didn't have the strength to interrupt the boy though, he could tell
that Justin was deeply upset about something. "It's so stupid, and
you are just gonna think I'm a little kid for acting this way, but
you are so important to me. And all day, I just felt like I was second
best to everyone today. I had to carry bags in, I was the last to be
introduced to everyone, I had to stand in the living room, none of my
friends came to see why I had left, and then you guys wouldn't even
tell me what was going on in the living room. And my mom wouldn't
make me lunch but she offered everyone else some, never mind. You just
think I'm stupid, so go back downstairs, I'll deal with it."

"Oh, Justin, I don't think your stupid. You don't ever have
to be afraid of telling me anything."

"No, I can deal with it. I'm just a baby crying over something
stupid."

"Justin, listen, you are not second best to anyone in my life. You know
that, I love you, you are my best friend."


"Not even if you were dating anyone?" Justin asked, wiping some of the
tears out of his eyes.

"I'm not dating anyone, and even if I was dating some one, you
would still be first in my life." JC smiled.

"I saw you and, you and that Jordan kid out on the porch. I saw you two
kiss." Justin spoke again. "That's why I went downstairs, and then
you guys didn't even acknowledge me. I thought you were going to
tell me, or something, but you didn't."

"Justin, I didn't want you to see it like that. But I'm gay,
but me and Jordan aren't dating. I've never dated anyone, it
was just a kiss. A mistake at that."

"Why didn't you tell me you were gay? We've been best friends
for like ever, I thought I was trustworthy." Justin was still crying, and
as he mentioned the truth, the tears started to come again.

"You are Justin, it's just scary, it's scary being gay. Ya
know, it's like you play this guy whose straight all the time, that
you don't know how to finally be gay. I wanted to tell you guys,
Mary wanted me to tell you." JC stopped after finishing, his eyes shot
up, and he saw the hurt in Justin's eyes as it was mentioned that
Mary knew and he didn't.

"You told her, she knows?" Justin asked in a peaceful manner, one that JC
thought was a little too peaceful.

"I first met her over the internet, I never knew it would turn into a
real friendship." JC couldn't really think of a good excuse though,
he knew no matter what Justin was going to be upset with him for the
situation.

"I don't care, you shouldn't have kept it from me if you told
other people. At least I never told everyone I was gay, I kept it a
secret, I didn't tell anyone. No family, no friends, no strangers
over the internet, no one." Justin stood up and walked out of his bedroom
into the bathroom slamming the door.

JC sat stunned in the bedroom, with one thought on his mind. Not that
Justin was upset with him, not that he had fucked up big time by letting
it on that Mary knew, but that Justin was gay too, and he had just come
out to him.

"Mary!" JC went running down the steps towards the kitchen. "Mary, I need
to talk to you outside." JC grabbed her by the arm quickly, and pulled
her out the back door, shutting it just as she made it outside. He pushed
her towards a chair by the side of the pool and sat down next to her.
"Justin, he's gay."

"He's what?!?"

"He's gay, we were upstairs, talking. He was crying, he was upset
about getting the shaft all day, and he told me he saw me kiss
Jordan..."

"You and Jordan kissed?" Mary was a little far behind in the news.

"Yeah, he kissed me, but I told him I wasn't interested." JC
dismissed it quickly. "Anyways, he got mad because I had never told him I
was gay, and he started to cry again. So then I tried to explain that I
never had the guts to tell him, and that you had always wanted me to tell
him. And he freaked, he got upset that I had told you and not him. And he
got really pissed, he started to scream, he said he had never told anyone
he was gay."

"Go back and explain this more detailed, when did you and Jordan kiss?"
Mary stopped him.

"He just leaned over, and we kissed. It was an accident, I didn't
even want it to happen, but it did. And I don't know why, but it
doesn't matter. Justin saw, Justin's gay, I have a chance
now. Besides the fact that I totally fucked with his trust. I should have
known better, I'm like his everything, he looks up to me and needs
me like he would a father. That's because his father is a heartless
bastard, he needed me to take his place."

"Josh, you're rambling." Mary started to laugh and JC broke into
laughter too.

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little freaked out. I need to make
this right with Justin. I need to let him know that I'm sorry, and
that he is everything to me, but how do I do that?"


"You show him with this." Mary grabbed JC's hand and placed it on
his chest. "Don't tell him anything, show him with everything you
are Josh. You're romantic, kind and you love that kid, so show him
that you do. I know that you'll figure out the perfect way."

The day finished off quickly, and as the evening sun began to set, dinner
began at the Harless Residence. Justin ate in complete silence, while JC
tried to register the afternoon, he however did not sit in silence. It
wasn't his character.

"Lynn, there was something I kinda wanted to tell you. I told everyone
else and since I'm living in your house I thought that you have the
right to know as well." JC had decided it would best to come out to Lynn.
Not only would he know how she would feel if he ever got Justin, but it
would also be a sign for Justin, so that Justin could determine how his
mother would react if he ever came out to her.

"What is it dear?" She asked JC sincerely.

"I'm gay."

"That's great, but it isn't much of a problem." Lynn smiled
at him, and snickered. "I'm glad that you had enough guts to tell
me. I know it was probably scary for you."

"Thanks Lynn, I'm glad you aren't upset about it. And
I'd like it if everyone could, well ya know keep it secret. I know
the guys will, but I mean, for our careers, it's just better that
this doesn't leak or anything." JC started to speak with a business
like tone, and everyone stopped him with their stares.

"Jace, dude, we aren't going to say anything." Joey smiled and the
dinner resumed.

"Justin, would you clear the table?" Justin looked up at his mother, he
was upset, he was angry, he was annoyed, he was nervous, and he certainly
didn't want to do the dishes.

"No, I wouldn't like to clear the table." Justin replied, not even
flickering his eyes off of his mother.

"Justin, clear the table!" Lynn got a little louder and more impatient.

"It's okay, I'll clear the table." JC jumped up and grabbed
his stuff.

"No, sit down Joshua. Justin, these are our guests, please clear the
table." Lynn repeated herself in a calm, but angered voice.

"I said I didn't want to clear the table. These are not my guests,
they are Josh's and Lance's, so let them clear the table."
Justin replied, his eyes still gazing intently at his mother, it was
obvious he was waiting to be dismissed from the table.

"Justin, what is your problem? Get up and clear the table." Lynn was now
yelling, and beyond mad. The table had become silent beside the arguing
family members, as they all grew nervous and embarrassed by the
situation.

"No." Justin replied, standing and walking out of the kitchen. Within
twenty seconds that heard the front door open and slam shut.

"I don't know what the hell has gotten into that boy." Lynn smiled
at everyone, hoping to change the mood. "I'll clear the table, why
don't you all relax for a while." Lynn ushered them out of the
kitchen, as she preceeded to clear the table.

JC smiled at everyone. "I think I'm gonna check on Justin." They
all smiled at him, and watched him cautiously edge out the front door.

"Um, you wanna talk Curly?"

"Not to you, not to anyone in that fucking house."

JC was a little taken back by Justin's language. He barely heard
the teenager swear, and now Justin had just said one of the worst swear
words, and it was at his friends and family. But JC had expected it from
the teenager today, after all that had happened, he could tell Justin was
aching.

"Justin, please, I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"I don't care that you didn't tell me, I'm over that.
I'm just pissed, pissed about all the shit that goes on in my life.
I'm a fucking teen idol, the desire of millions of teen girls, and
I can't get with one of them. I'm the poster boy for NSYNC,
the quote unquote lead singer of us, and I'm not the talented one.
I'm not the best looking one in the group, so why the fuck do they
say I am? I'm not the best singer so why do they say I am? I
don't get all the leads, so why am I the lead singer? And I
don't fucking want to be the desire of a million girls, I want one
desire, and I don't have a fucking chance with it." Justin was now
sobbing into his hands. JC edged close to him and pulled him into a hug.
He was shocked by the force that pushed him back. "Don't Josh, just
don't. I don't want your fucking pity and sympathy on me, I
don't want anyone to feel bad for me"

"Justin, what is with you? You are a damn good looking kid. You have a
great voice, and you deserved to be eyed by millions of girls, and
millions of guys if you want it. You deserve people to feel bad for you
when you feel bad, because you bring down the whole room when you get
upset. And you deserve whatever the hell you desire because you deserve
the best in the world." JC pulled Justin in, and the harder Justin tried
to fight it, he was only pulled in by the older band mate's
stronger arms.

And by some chance, some fate, some destined moment, he lifted his head,
and their eyes caught. A spark jumped through their arms, and down into
the rest of their bodies. Slowly they both leaned in, JC tilting his head
downward, Justin stretching up, until their lips met. Sweet at first, and
then almost clinging for each other their tongues and lips fought with
each other, nothing else around them mattered. All they could hear was
the swishing of their tongues, and the beating of their hearts. All they
could see was the darkness that shrouded their eyes, but the hidden light
that shone through them to each other. All they could taste was what they
had both been yearning for, and all they could feel were each other.

And it ended, JC pulled away to breathe, but held Justin tight. He
didn't want Justin to get any ideas about him having second
thoughts.

"I love you Justin."

"I love you too Josh." The tears stopped, the pout left that sweet
angelic face, and he smiled. A real smile, a happy smile, and it caught
on, because JC smiled back.

"Maybe we should go inside?" JC suggested.

"I don't want them to know." Justin quickly blurted out.

"They don't have to, we can tell them when you're ready." JC
smiled.

"Um, will you, well, will you, uh, sleep with me in my bed tonight?"
Justin asked shyly, and like a small child. JC smiled at him, shook his
head, and helped him.

"Justin, I'll never sleep without you again."

TBC...

Okay, I thought this story was going to be long and last a long time. But
I decided that it was just a short one. After four chapters, Justin and
JC are finally together. And I don't know what else to write, so
it's done. I liked it while it was here, but it's time is
done.

Brown Eyes