Date: Mon, 19 Jun 2000 20:00:56 -0400
From: Rachel <rel24@drexel.edu>
Subject: Little Earthquakes 5-6

Evening folks. How's everybody tonight? I'm doing much better then I was
from my last posting. Wanna know why?

I saw the greatest man alive in concert on Friday night. Yes, Mr. David
Bowie. So I'm very happy right now. Everything's great, even if it
sucks. Hmm...paradox's are fun.

Disclaimer: All who read this who are underage or not allowed to read this
will die. Granted I can't promise when or how, but you will die. Everyone
dies. My friend Touraj likes to threaten to blow up people's cars. So you
never know. You might die that way. At least it would be quick. Then of
course there is good old fashioned torture. Nothing is as fun for all
involved as torture. Oh wait. I'm getting off the subject here. Umm...gay
themes. Stuff like that. I don't know the Backstreet Boys so this is all
fake. Hey you know what else is cool? Flesh-eating bacteria. That's gotta'
be a fucked up way to die.



Little Earthquakes



Chapter Five


	"Can you hand me the orange juice, Kevin?" I pointed to the carton
sitting on the counter.

	"Sure." He passed it to me and continued to flip pancakes.

	It had been two months since Kevin had crashed into our lives.  Now
he was a part of the family. We had never explored the possibility of us
having a relationship past that first night together. We left it at that.

	But the friendship was fantastic. I hadn't felt this close to
anyone besides Gram before. Kevin was great. Maggie and Ryan adored
him. And Gram was happy to have someone for me to talk to.

	This was our Sunday morning routine now. Kevin came over around
9:30, and we made breakfast for everyone else. Sometimes he brought Kristen
and Alexis along. Sometimes he brought one of his band mates.  This
particular Sunday he had brought AJ again. AJ joined us more then the other
three did.

	"Hey, there are some people gettin' hungry out here." I heard AJ
call from the back porch. I heard Maggie giggle happily after he said that.

	If there was one thing I owed to Kevin, it was Maggie's recovery.
She had started acting like a normal child again, laughing and talking.
She loved to play basketball with him. The amazing thing to me was that she
would climb into his 4Runner without even blinking an eye. I was hoping
this meant her fear of SUV's was gone. Maggie absolutely adored it when AJ
came over too. The two of them bonded right away and started playing
practical jokes on the rest of us. I let it go on because I was so thrilled
to see her laughing again.

	"Keep your pants on, McLean. The foods on the way." Kevin called
back to him, grinning happily.

	"So everything is all ready for next Saturday, Rob. It's going to
be so great." Kevin said as he put the last pancake on the plate.

	Maggie's 5th birthday was on Thursday and Kevin wanted to throw her
a party. I had protested but eventually his pout won out, and he was
throwing a pool party for her.

	"You really don't have to do that, Kevin." I protested again. "I
know, but I really want to. It'll be so much fun."

	"Well Maggie is really excited. I hope you know what you're getting
yourself into though. 25 kids are a lot to keep an eye on."

	"Don't worry about it Rob. There are going to be plenty of adults
to keep an eye on the kids. Did I tell you that Nick is bringing his
brother and sisters?"

	"Yup only about 15 times." I laughed at him. "I'm sorry. I'm a
little excited."

	"I can tell. You look so cute when you're all excited like this."

	Kevin blushed and picked up the pancakes and bacon he had made.
"Let's go feed the natives before they start eating each other."

	I picked up the coffee and orange juice following him outside.
Maggie was sitting on AJ's lap and the two of them were making faces at
Ryan who was laughing happily. Gram was still upstairs in her room. She
hadn't been feeling well lately so she had started sleeping a lot more.

	"Okay, kids. Here's the food."

	"Finally. Maggie and I were going to die of starvation." AJ said as
the two of them pretended to faint.

	Both Kevin and I laughed at our two drama queens. Maggie climbed
off AJ's lap and sat in her own chair. I put a plate of food down in front
of her, and she began to happily pour syrup over everything.

	Kevin dished out food for him and AJ while I began to feed Ryan.
AJ poured himself a cup of coffee and took a sip, sighing happily.

	"Who needs food when there's coffee?" He wondered in a happy
voice. Maggie giggled at him. He poured her a glass of orange juice, which
she happily took.

	"What are you doing today Rob?" AJ asked sipping the coffee and
watching everyone else. "I hadn't really made any plans. Maggie and I were
going to work out back for a bit."

	I put a plate with pancakes cut up in small pieces in front of
Ryan. Those would keep him occupied enough for me to be able to eat my
breakfast.

	"What were you planning on doing to the backyard?" AJ was our
little gardener and loved to get his hands into a new project.

	"Just planting some flowers and doing some trimming back there. I
haven't had a chance to work out back in a long time."

	"Are you sticking around here to help out Kev?" AJ asked finally
reaching for some food. Kevin exchanged glances with me and looked back
down at his food.

	"Kevin is more then welcome to stick around today as are you AJ."
I said, noticing how uncomfortable Kevin got. AJ grinned. "Cool."

	"So are you staying today AJ?" Maggie asked excitedly. "Yeah I
think I'll stick around and help you and Robby out."

	"Are you staying Kevin?" Maggie asked him happily. "Actually I
can't stay today. I have some stuff I have to do with Kristen."

	I kept trying to forget that he and Kristen were supposed to be
getting married in three weeks. I guess I wanted to pretend that it wasn't
happening.

	"Can I take Ryan with me today Rob?" I blinked quickly when I heard
Kevin's voice talking to me.

	"You had him yesterday. Are you sure you're not getting tired of
having him around?"

	"I could never get tired of these little munchkins. Also if I take
him with me today, you don't have to keep an eye on him while you're out
back."

	It made perfect sense actually.

	"I guess it's okay then. Just make sure not to get him over tired."

	"No problem. We're not doing anything too crazy today."

	The table was quiet as we all ate our food. I was preoccupied with
Kevin's wedding. I don't know why it bothered me so much. It's not like I
was dating him or anything. We were just friends. And the wedding was just
business.

	"I talked to Howie yesterday." AJ said, breaking the silence. "He
thinks that he'll be able to get a day pass for the wedding."

	Kevin frowned slightly at AJ's remark. "Well that's good I guess.
I would hate to get fake married without one of my best friends there."

	Howie had finally fallen too far about three weeks ago. He had
gotten drunk with a friend of his and crashed his car into a telephone
pole. With the help of Howie's mother, Kevin and AJ had taken him into
rehab. He was an alcoholic and he needed help.

	I haven't known Howie long and he is quite possibly one of the
nicest people I've ever met in my life. But he did have a problem. I have
never seen Howie not drinking some sort of alcoholic beverage. The one time
he came over for Sunday breakfast with Kevin, he raided my liquor cabinet
and added whiskey to his coffee.

	Both Kevin and AJ had taken it very hard when Howie refused to talk
to them for what they had done. Brian and Nick had been less then
supportive when they had found out as well.

	It had taken Howie about two full weeks of rehab before he began to
acknowledge that he had a problem. The phone call that came after that made
Kevin come see me at work. Howie had admitted to Kevin that he was an
alcoholic. For Kevin, that was one of the greatest things he had ever heard
in his life. Howie had been on a path to destruction. Now there was a
possibility that he could be stopped.

	Until Howie got out of rehab, the band had taken a hiatus from
recording. AJ and Kevin had stayed around Orlando. Nick was spending a few
weeks in New York with his girlfriend Kelly. Brian and Leighanne were in
Georgia at their home there. That's the reason why Kevin had wanted to take
the kids as often as possible. They helped him pass the time.

	"Are you taking responsibility for him at the wedding AJ?" Kevin
asked him softly.

	"That boy is basically going to be handcuffed to me. I won't let
him out of my sight." AJ was serious about that. He didn't want to lose
Howie to alcohol again.

	Kevin finished his coffee and picked Ryan up. He began to wipe his
face with a napkin.

	"I hate to leave so quickly today, but I gotta' get back to the
house. Will you guys come over for dinner tonight?" Kevin asked as he
continued to clean up Ryan.

	"Is Lexie cooking?" AJ asked excitedly. Kevin chuckled. "Lexie does
Sunday night dinner AJ. She has for the past three years."

	"Woohoo! Amanda and I will be there with bells on."

	"You can skip the bells AJ."

	"You want me to show up naked?" AJ asked, somehow keeping a
straight face.

	"On second thought, wear the bells. I've seen your scrawny ass one
too many times for my comfort."

	"Ah you know you love my scrawny ass. You dream about this ass."
AJ stood up and stuck his ass in the air, shaking it.

	"AJ." I said in a warning voice. He occasionally had a tendency to
go a little too far with Maggie and Ryan sitting there.

	"Sorry." AJ said, sitting back down. He leaned over and ruffled
Maggie's hair.

	"Will you come to dinner tonight Rob?" Kevin turned his attention
to me.

	"Krissy and Lexie would murder me if I didn't. We'll all be there."
I grinned. "With bells on."

	"Great more bells." Kevin groaned. He leaned over to whisper in my
ear. "You, on the other hand, are more then welcome to show up naked."

	God damn him. Why did he have to go and say stuff like that? I know
that I was bright red.

	I leaned over and whispered in Kevin's ear. "You couldn't handle
seeing me naked. I have to wear clothes so you don't go crazy."

	It was Kevin's turn to blush. He sat back and shook his head
slightly. AJ was just laughing uncontrollably. Maggie didn't know what was
going on, but AJ laughing always set her off.

	"Ryan and I are leaving now." Kevin said, standing up holding the
baby.

	"His diaper bag is in his room." I said still laughing. "Do you
still have some bottles at your place?"

	Kevin nodded. "Just grab the car seat out of the van." I leaned
over and gave Ryan a kiss.

	"I don't need to. I bought one the other day. I figured it was
easier then switching the one in the van back and forth all the time."

	I stopped laughing and looked at him in surprise. "Do you think
it's smart for you to have a car seat in your car? What if?"

	Kevin cut me off. "How many times have I told you not to worry
about my career Rob?"

	"I stopped counting after 10 times."

	"When are you gonna' start listening?"

	I looked at him in anger. The expression on his face was happy
though, which just pissed me off more.

	"Probably never."

	"Okay then. I'll see everyone tonight." Kevin went inside, holding
Ryan tightly.

	AJ was giving me the look. I haven't known AJ that long, but I had
learned about the look very quickly. It's known as the 'Alex's gotta' talk
to ya' 'cause you're actin' like an idiot' look.

	Great.




Chapter Six



	Maggie had given up helping AJ and I about an hour ago. She was
playing on her jungle gym. AJ and I were turning over the soil along the
back of the yard. So far he hadn't said anything, but I knew it wasn't
going to last forever.

	"Hey Rob." AJ turned to look at me. "What AJ?" I continued to dig
my hands in the soil.

	"Why haven't you and Kevin gotten together?"

	I sat back on my heels with a sigh. "It's not that easy AJ."

	"Are you attracted to Kevin?"

	"Of course I am."

	"He's attracted to you. You're attracted to him. I don't see any
problems."

	I wiped my hands on my pants and looked over at Maggie. "I can't
just think about myself anymore AJ. I have two kids to think about too.  I
don't want them to get attached to Kevin and have us break up.  They've
already lost enough."

	"Rob, Maggie and Ryan are already attached to Kevin."

	"I know that AJ." I sighed heavily. "But if Kevin and I are just
friends, there is less of a chance that he'll leave them."

	"So instead of taking a chance on love, you're going to let it pass
you by."

	I scowled at him angrily. "Why are you doing this AJ? Can't you
just mind your own business for once?"

	"Nope. Never could, never will. I'm sick of watching two friends
who are obviously enamored with each other ignore those feelings."

	"I can't do anything about it though AJ. What about his career?
His lifestyle? His fucking marriage?"

	AJ grabbed my face in his hands. "Kevin doesn't care about any of
those things. Of all of us he cares about being famous the least. He would
love to be able to just be Kevin. Can't you understand that?"

	I wrenched my head from AJ's grasp and just stared at him. "Rob
he's fallen in love with you, okay."

	I felt my mouth drop open and I watched AJ's face as it registered
that he had just told me something he had promised to keep a secret.

	"Shit." AJ mumbled. "Don't tell him I told you that."

	"He's in love with me?"

	AJ nodded. "You're all he thinks about. He called me up the first
night you two met to tell me that he had met the person that he wanted to
spend the rest of his life with. I sat in my hotel room in LA and listened
as he told me everything about you. I've never heard Kevin talk like that."

	AJ wiped his hands on his pants. "And everyday since then he has
just fallen deeper in love with you."

	I shook my head, still refusing to believe what AJ was telling
me. It just wasn't possible that Kevin had fallen in love with me. It was
natural that I had fallen in love with him, but the other way around, no
way.

	"Why would he want me AJ? What do I have to offer him?"

	AJ stood up and held his hand out for me. I took it and he pulled
me up. "Let's go wash up while we talk. I think we've done all we're going
to do out here today."

	We walked through the backyard. Maggie saw us and hopped off her
jungle gym to follow us.

	"AJ, do you wanna' go play on the swings with me?" She asked,
slipping her hand in his. There was a park down the street from our
house. Maggie loved to go play down there. There were always a lot of kids
around to play with.

	"I'd love to, but I need to finish talking to your uncle first.
Why don't you go wait upstairs for me?"

	Maggie nodded and ran into the house. I heard her footsteps on the
steps as she bounded up them as fast as she could.

	"So you want to know why Kevin loves you?" AJ asked as he washed
his hands, trying to get the dirt out from under his nails.

	"Well first off, you treat him like Kevin. Spending time with you
is like a vacation from his life for Kevin. You make him laugh. He can talk
to you about absolutely everything."

	AJ stepped aside and let me wash my hands. He dried his hands while
he took a moment to consider what else he wanted to say.

	"You use the kids as an excuse for why you can't get involved with
Kevin. Maggie and Ryan are exactly what Kevin has always wanted.
Children. Why do you think he loves taking care of them so much? Even if
the two of you did break up, he would never abandon the children."

	I listened to him. I really did. Part of me felt that AJ was making
sense but then the rest of me kept letting myself second-guess everything
he was saying.

	"I haven't known you very long Rob, but I know that I trust you as
much as I trust any of the guys. Hell I probably trust you more then I
trust Brian. That boy can't keep a secret for shit."

	AJ put his hand on my shoulder. "I know that you wouldn't hurt
Kevin. Will you just consider the possibility that you could love him?"

	"I already love him." I said softly. "But like I said, it's not
that easy AJ."

	I reached for the paper towels. "I can't just let myself get
attached to someone else. I don't want to be hurt again."

	"I've been hurt too many times already."

	AJ turned me to face him. "What happened to you Rob? For the first
time since I've met you, your eyes have gone cold. I can't read them."

	"Just leave it alone AJ."

	He held his hands up and backed away slightly. "I'm not the enemy
here Rob. Obviously something in your past is the enemy. I just want to
help."

	"Maggie's waiting for you." I turned away from him again. I heard
AJ sigh. A moment later I felt his hand on my shoulder again.

	"I'll be here whenever you are ready to talk. I promise."

	I nodded, refusing to turn around again. I could feel the tears
welling up in my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of AJ.

	I heard his footsteps as he walked away. "Come on Magster! Let's
roll!"


	Kevin turned the corner and drove past the park. He saw AJ pushing
Maggie on one of the swings and decided to stop. He parked the 4Runner and
took Ryan out.

	"Hey McLean!" Kevin shouted, waving as he walked over to them.
Maggie jumped out of the swing and ran over to him. She hugged him around
his knees, causing him to stumble slightly.

	"Hi Magster."

	"Hi Kevin." She let go of him and took his hand. They walked over
to where AJ was sitting on the swing together.

	"Hey Richardson. What are you doing back?"

	Kevin sat down on the swing next to him. He shifted Ryan so he was
sitting on his lap. Maggie ran over to a group of kids playing in the
castle.

	"Kristen and I got finished what we needed to do early. I figured I
would head over here to help out."

	"We're finished for the day."

	Kevin looked around for a moment. "Where's Rob at?"

	"Home." AJ said simply. "I tried to talk to him about some stuff
and he ended up closing down on me. Maggie and I decided to come play down
here for a bit."

	"What did you do AJ?" Kevin asked nervously.

	"I asked him why the two of you weren't together. And I kinda
slipped and told him that you were in love with him."

	"Alex! How could you? I trusted you to keep that a secret."
Kevin's voice was filled with anger. "Well what did he say?"

	"He's in love with you too."

	The smile that filled Kevin's face made AJ want to cry. He hadn't
seen him that happy for a long time and he was just going to have to make
him unhappy again.

	"Kev, he said he can't be with you though."

	"What?"

	AJ sighed and looked over at Maggie for a second. She was playing
on the tire swing with a couple of other kids.

	"He kept saying that he didn't want to be hurt again. I couldn't
get him to tell me what was wrong."

	Kevin began to push the swing gently as he thought. "What if I just
decided to go for it AJ? What if I said to hell with everything and told
Rob how I felt?"

	AJ shrugged. "I think you would get shot down." He paused for a
moment. "But you'll never know unless you try."

	A small smile played across Kevin's lips. "I'm going to try AJ.
I'm going to try tonight."

	AJ nodded. "Just let me know what I have to do to help."



---Okay here we go again. Send me mail! Oh please send me mail! I love to
get mail 'cause I'm very bored at work. Oh yesh!

PS: what about getting an anvil dropped on you? Do you think you would die?
Wile E. Coyote never did so that might not be a great way to die. I think
you would just be in a lot of pain for some time. Oh well.