Date: Sat, 10 Nov 2001 19:33:53 +0000
From: Elly Iles <uptowngurrl@hotmail.com>
Subject: Little White Lies: From The Heart - 4

Hello!  Yes, yes, I know.  It's been ages.  But at least I've finally got
round to posting it, right?  That's gotta count for something!

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasssssssssssssssssssse send feedback.  Pretty please?
C'mon, I'm begging here.  You see what I've resorted to?  It takes you,
like, a minute, but it makes my life complete.  C'mon, you know you want
to.

Visit my site for more stuff by me:
www.angelfire.com/boybands/othersidefanfiction/index.html

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't know the Backstreet Boys, and I definitely don't
own them.  I don't know anything about their sexualities, and I don't
pretend to, either.  This story is pure fiction, from the mind of a bored
teenage girl.  This is FICTION.  I'm not making any money out of this, so
please don't sue me.

Chapter 4

Then...

Brian studied the sheet music but didn't take in any of the scribblings on
there.  How could he concentrate knowing that Nick was currently in the
restroom of the recording studio, probably crying his eyes out because
Brian had glared at him when he had walked in?  That had been an awful
thing to do.  None of this was Nick's fault.  But Brian was angry about
drinking so much yesterday that he had passed out in the early afternoon,
in an alcohol-induced state.  He still felt like crap.  He had to take his
anger out on someone, and Nick seemed to be the only available option.

"Bri?"  He looked up to see Howie staring angrily at him.  "What the hell
is up with Nick?  He's refusing to come out of the restroom."

"We had an argument yesterday."  Brian shrugged aloofly.  "I sort of glared
at him when he walked in here.  I didn't mean to, I was just a bit angry
still."

"Brian, how many arguments are you two going to have before you realise
you're perfect for each other?"  Howie asked him.  "It really hurts me to
see you two like this."

"Just butt out, Howie."  Brian told him.  "Stop playing cupid, it doesn't
suit you."

"Geez, you can be a prick sometimes."  Howie exclaimed.  "I'm just trying
to help you two."

"I know."  Brian sighed.  He shouldn't have spoken like that to Howie.  He
really needed to control his temper.  "I appreciate it, Howie, really I do.
I just can't help but wish that me and Nick had the kind of relationship I
had in my head for all those years before we got together."

"Nobody has the perfect relationship, Bri."  Howie sighed.  "I think that's
half your problem.  You've imagined it for so long that you really believed
it would be exactly as you thought.  And now you've realised that Nick has
faults, and he's realised that you have faults, it's a real shock."

"But that's the thing."  Brian admitted.  "Nick doesn't have any faults.
He really is perfect.  It's me that's the problem.  I want more than
perfect.  I'm not being fair to him."

"You have to fix this, Brian."  Howie pleaded with him.  "If I see that kid
crying one more time I think I'm going to go insane.  He really is too
innocent to mess about with."

"I know."  Brian nodded.  "I know.  I'll apologise to him, I promise."

"You've gotta do more than apologise."  Howie warned him.  "This time,
you've gotta stick to it."

"I will."  Brian promised.  "I'll be the perfect boyfriend from now on,
you'll see."

***

Nick sighed as he thought about the day ahead of him.  He hated recording,
it was one of the worst parts of the job.  So boring and repetitive.  Just
going through the same lyrics over and over again, until his throat hurt
too much to carry on.  At least the new album would be finished soon, and
they'd be able to have a few days break.  Maybe him and Brian would be able
to spend some time together.  If, that was, they weren't still mad at each
other.

Nick turned on the cold-water tap and splashed some water over his face,
begging himself not to start crying again.  This was ridiculous.  He was
falling to pieces every time Brian so much as looked at him.  He looked in
the mirror to see the door opening behind him, and Kevin entering
cautiously.

Nick sighed heavily before splashing some more water on his face.  He
couldn't start crying in front of Kevin, he just couldn't.  Kevin was the
last person Nick wanted to find out about his and Brian's troubles.

"Hey."  Kevin smiled softly at him.  "Are you okay, kiddo?  You seem a
little down."

"I'm fine."  Nick looked at him through the mirror.  He couldn't bring
himself to face the older man.  Although he regretted what he had said to
him the other week, he couldn't deny that he felt something for him.  Maybe
not love, but definitely something.  Kevin studied Nick with his intense
brown eyes, obviously not minding the awkward silence that Nick soon had to
break.  "About the other week, Kev, at my house.  I shouldn't have said
what I did.  I think we both know that it will never work out between us
two."

"Won't it?"  Kevin asked him.  He held Nick's confused gaze into the mirror
with a strong look of determination that Nick had never seen in him before.
"I'm not so sure."

"Kevin, I have Brian.  And you have AJ.  I'm not gonna betray my boyfriend
and one of my best friends.  It's not gonna happen."

"Nick, we can't fight an attraction this strong."  Kevin urged him.  "I
wish I could be happy with AJ, but I'm not.  I want you, Nick, and I'm damn
well gonna fight for you if that's what it takes."  He sighed, as he saw
Nick's expression growing in anger at his choice of words.  "Nick, I can't
stop thinking about you.  I know I haven't been in love with you as long as
Brian has, but the love I've felt for you in this short space of time is
enough for a lifetime.  Believe me, Nick, if I could get the hell away from
you, I would.  Do you think I'm enjoying this?"

"None of us are, Kevin.  But it's you that's causing this.  You're making
three people, three people who you're meant to love, incredibly unhappy.
Forget about your feelings, Kevin, and I'll forget about mine.  Nothing
good can ever come out of this."

"How will you know if we never try?"  Kevin approached him and gently
placed his hand on Nick's shoulder.  Nick finally looked away from the
mirror, to stare at Kevin face to face.

"No."  Nick shook his head, but he didn't push the hand away.  Kevin stared
down at it, before looking into Nick's eyes.  He slowly lent forward and
kissed Nick softly on the lips, before increasing the intensity.

"Stop it."  Nick pushed him away after a couple of moments.  "We can't do
this, Kevin.  I'm not gonna hurt them.  AJ worships you; he'd be absolutely
heartbroken if he knew how you still felt.  And if you think I could cheat
on Brian with another man, with his own cousin, you can think again."

"I can't help it, Nick.  I can't fall out of love with you, as much as I
want to."  Kevin told him.  He sighed heavily.  "At least can we meet to
sort out these feelings?  We've both got them, and we can't ignore them
anymore"

"Just to talk?"  Nick asked him.  Kevin nodded immediately.

"Just to talk."

"Maybe."  Nick told him.  "But I'm not promising anything."  He quickly
walked out of the restroom before Kevin tried to make his answer definite.
As he left, he could feel Kevin's eyes bearing into his back.  He refused
to look back, though.  He couldn't do this; he couldn't be unfaithful to
Brian.  So what if there was an attraction between him and Kevin?  Brian
was his soulmate, and that counted for so much more.

"Bri?"  Nick nervously approached his boyfriend, who was still looking over
his sheet music.  Howie had discreetly left the room as soon as Nick had
entered.  Brian looked up immediately.

"Nick, I want to apologise."  Brian stood up to face him.  "I shouldn't
have said that stuff on the phone yesterday.  You know I didn't mean it."

"No, I'm the one who should be sorry."  Nick apologised.  "I should spend
more time with you, I know I should.  It's just so hard while I'm living at
home.  I can't let my parents get suspicious.  I'm not ready to tell them
the truth yet."

"I've been thinking about that."  Brian admitted.  "I've been thinking
about it a lot.  And I thought it would make perfect sense if you move in
with me.  What do ya reckon?"

"Oh, Bri, I'm not so sure that's a good idea."  Nick shook his head.  "What
would I tell my parents?"

"Nick, you're almost nineteen years old.  Tell them the truth; say you're
moving in with me.  We're friends, Nick.  Well, that's what everyone
thinks.  Your parents aren't gonna think it's suspicious if you move in
with me.  They'll just assume it's because you want a bit of independence."

"It's a big step."  Nick sighed.  "Are we ready to move in together yet?
We've only been going out three weeks."

"But we've known each other for four years, Nick.  I'm asking you as a
friend and a lover.  Move in with me, please?"  Brian pleaded with him.
His face was so adorably cute and hopeful that Nick didn't have the heart
to say no.

"Okay."  Nick smiled.  "I'll spend a few weeks with you, as a trial.  If
we're both happy by the end of it I'll move in permanently.  Okay?"

"Yes!"  Brian pulled him close suddenly and kissed him hard on the lips.
They didn't break away until they felt someone watching.

"What's the occasion?"  AJ asked as they turned to face him.  "You're
looking awfully pleased with yourselves."

"Nick's moving in with me."  Brian grinned.  "We're gonna be a proper
couple at last."

"Congratulations."  AJ smiled back, but he sounded anything but genuine.
"Me and Kevin are thinking about moving in together, too.  We don't want to
rush things though."  He added pointedly before leaving the room.

"Forget him."  Nick whispered in Brian's ear as his boyfriend glared
irately at the door AJ had just exited from.  "You know how he loves to
wind people up."

"Always been the same."  Brian turned back to Nick.  "I'm sure glad I never
ended up with him."

"Did you ever consider AJ?"  Nick asked in surprise, and much to Brian's
amusement, a trace of jealousy.

"Maybe for a little while."  Brian shrugged aloofly.  "But I figured I'd
settle for the guy that was easier to handle."

"Oh, so that's me, is it?"  Nick pouted.  "Easy to handle?"

"Very easy to handle."  Brian grinned as he slipped his hands under Nick's
t-shirt.  "And very enjoyable, too."  He whispered as he began to kiss Nick
passionately again.